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I must confess I don't get the whole "you can't discuss your relationship problems with your close friend, but only with a therapist" thing. Is not one of the main roles of close friends to be people that you can confide in and who know you well enough that they can both help you out and call you out when you are being an rear end in a top hat? I have always thought of my close friends as being people I can come to with my problems and people who can come to me with theirs. I have certainly talked to close friends about very personal problems in my life at times and while being supportive they have helped me realize that I am the person who needs to smarten up and make changes. To me the idea that all serious personal and relationship problems need to be taken to some kind of professional cheapens the role of friendship and other intimate personal relationships. Not saying at all that there is no role for therapy - there very clearly is and there is no shame in it - but I don't think that is the only only valid source of advice and support for personal or relationship problems.
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Apr 12, 2024 19:40
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A_Bluenoser posted:I must confess I don't get the whole "you can't discuss your relationship problems with your close friend, but only with a therapist" thing. Is not one of the main roles of close friends to be people that you can confide in and who know you well enough that they can both help you out and call you out when you are being an rear end in a top hat? I have always thought of my close friends as being people I can come to with my problems and people who can come to me with theirs. I have certainly talked to close friends about very personal problems in my life at times and while being supportive they have helped me realize that I am the person who needs to smarten up and make changes. To me the idea that all serious personal and relationship problems need to be taken to some kind of professional cheapens the role of friendship and other intimate personal relationships. I think a lot of people don't do that last part. They'll provide unconditional support always and never do the call out part ever. Which can lead to one person going back to the relationship with "Well, I talked to <friend> and they said I'm right."
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Apr 12, 2024 19:43
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Mordiceius posted:I think a lot of people don't do that last part. They'll provide unconditional support always and never do the call out part ever. Which can lead to one person going back to the relationship with "Well, I talked to <friend> and they said I'm right." True, but a lot of therapists don't either...
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Apr 12, 2024 19:44
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A_Bluenoser posted:I must confess I don't get the whole "you can't discuss your relationship problems with your close friend, but only with a therapist" thing. You would not believe how many times I have to broach this in sessions, especially with younger clients. I cannot be the only person in the world with whom you are emotionally vulnerable, that poo poo isn't healthy for you. A_Bluenoser posted:True, but a lot of therapists don't either... We have a new hire who's really struggling when it comes to challenging/calling out problematic stuff. It's one of the first big hurdles for new therapists and a lot of them never seem to get over it.
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Apr 12, 2024 20:15
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Runcible Cat posted:We don't even know that she was actually complaining though. It could easily have been something like "oh god remember that rear end in a top hat Brad I used to go out with, best sex of my life but I can't believe I put up with his other crap for so long, so glad I got out of that and have a decent boyfriend now" kind of thing and friend decided to poo poo-stir. I don't even know if I'd say the friend was poo poo-stirring in this case. OP said that he has a habit of prodding friend into revealing details of her conversations with the GF. The not-greatest-at-sex thing was revealed when the friend was drunk and after much begging and pleading. And he said he does this because of severe insecurity. Like loving hell, imagine putting up with this level of insecurity.
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Apr 12, 2024 20:30
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Lol, this'll learn her AITA for faking a serious eye injury, making my mom faint, and ruining my birthday party. quote:My mom thinks the height of humor is to smash me and my siblings face into our birthday cakes. I have no idea why but it amuses her.
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Apr 12, 2024 20:32
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artsy fartsy posted:Lol, this'll learn her Eat poo poo, mom.
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Apr 12, 2024 20:36
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artsy fartsy posted:
I wouldn't let this woman stand anywhere near me while blowing out candles.
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Apr 12, 2024 20:37
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artsy fartsy posted:Lol, this'll learn her Lol at "I need you to stop showing people texts where I explicitly promised to not do the thing I did because people will think I'm a liar."
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Apr 12, 2024 20:37
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My lying makes me look like a liar, so if you could stop showing people my lies that'd be great.
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Apr 12, 2024 20:40
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Slam your mother's face into every single meal she attempts to eat until she gets the message.
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Apr 12, 2024 20:40
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artsy fartsy posted:Lol, this'll learn her Is this from a far away country where birthday cakes are dirt cheap? 'Cause just lmao ruining multiple expensive cakes for your lovely joke year after year lol.
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Apr 12, 2024 20:40
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OP should have all their friends pie their mother on her birthday
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Apr 12, 2024 20:41
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Fil5000 posted:My lying makes me look like a liar, so if you could stop showing people my lies that'd be great. Someone saying "You're making me look bad" whenever they're being bad makes me laugh every time. Don't want to look bad? Simple solution. Don't be bad. Problem solved!
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Apr 12, 2024 20:42
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mystes posted:OP should have all their friends pie their mother on her birthday Just smash her face into every meal, every day.
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Apr 12, 2024 20:42
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SulfurMonoxideCute posted:Someone saying "You're making me look bad" whenever they're being bad makes me laugh every time. *Feathers hair hurriedly
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Apr 12, 2024 20:43
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If you do the same exact thing on every occasion to the point that people are asking you to stop and you still refuse, you can't convince me there isn't some kind of odd fetish involved
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Apr 12, 2024 20:45
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artsy fartsy posted:
Also dad is a real piece of poo poo for not stopping this years ago. I hope in their old age they like having food smashed into their faces every time any of the kids come visit.
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Apr 12, 2024 20:49
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If you want a picture of the future, imagine a cake smashing on a human face, forever
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Apr 12, 2024 20:52
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Shanghaied posted:Is this from a far away country where birthday cakes are dirt cheap? 'Cause just lmao ruining multiple expensive cakes for your lovely joke year after year lol. She's getting her money's worth since she enjoys doing it.
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Apr 12, 2024 20:53
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Shanghaied posted:Is this from a far away country where birthday cakes are dirt cheap? 'Cause just lmao ruining multiple expensive cakes for your lovely joke year after year lol. It's dumb people thinking they're funny. On rare occasions there may be a backup cake.
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Apr 12, 2024 20:54
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Shanghaied posted:Also dad is a real piece of poo poo for not stopping this years ago. I hope in their old age they like having food smashed into their faces every time any of the kids come visit.
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Apr 12, 2024 20:57
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quantumwell posted:I wouldn't let this woman stand anywhere near me while blowing out candles. I wondered about this. Maybe mom dropped out of the ceiling
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Apr 12, 2024 21:09
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house of the dad posted:If you do the same exact thing on every occasion to the point that people are asking you to stop and you still refuse, you can't convince me there isn't some kind of odd fetish involved The other option is abuse.
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Apr 12, 2024 21:13
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Mordiceius posted:It's so loving exhausting. Why do these families constantly bend over backwards to appease the rear end in a top hat that makes everyone miserable? Because appeasing the rear end in a top hat makes them stop making everyone miserable except the load-bearing reasonable person who won't cause trouble. The best thing you can do if you're that reasonable person is to cause a huge problem every time it happens. Unfortunately by the time people are mad enough to do something about it things have usually gone pretty far. Neito posted:They're borrowing from tomorrow to make today easier. The emotional equivalent of a payday loan. Mordiceius posted:One thing my wife and I agreed on while we were dating is that we would never speak negative about the other person to people we know. That's just opening the door to negative resentment. We agreed that as soon as someone starts feeling like it is okay to speak negatively about their partner to other people, you're no longer addressing the issue and, in fact, you're dragging other people into a problem the two of you should be dealing with together. I know someone who deals with their frustration at people behaving badly by talking about those people behind their backs and doing nothing to actually improve the situation. It's depressing and has probably destroyed their relationship with their partner.
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Apr 12, 2024 21:26
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A_Bluenoser posted:I must confess I don't get the whole "you can't discuss your relationship problems with your close friend, but only with a therapist" thing. it's because the whole argument is a tangent from the actual original situation, where the gf was casually joking around with her friends about her partner's intimate pros and cons. therapy-friends were brought up to distract from the bad take that the op should just shut up and be grateful the relationship exists getting other people involved in your relationship disputes is fine, but some issues are I think too intimate for discussion behind someone's back. I have listened to my friend talk about his partner's difficult relationship with her family - I have not and wouldn't ever want to hear about any problems in the bedroom, especially without her consent
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Apr 12, 2024 21:58
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AITA for not allowing my cousin to take home food?quote:We had a large 95 birthday for my grandmother. My mom and I chipped in with another uncle and one of his kids to have if catered to. It was about $700 so we around$175 each.
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Apr 12, 2024 22:15
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Lt. Danger posted:it's because the whole argument is a tangent from the actual original situation, where the gf was casually joking around with her friends about her partner's intimate pros and cons. therapy-friends were brought up to distract from the bad take that the op should just shut up and be grateful the relationship exists Absolutely this. I also feel like it's a matter of degree. There's a difference between seeking advice and bitching. I would like to think that, generally speaking, the people in this thread aren't completely lost causes and have good intentions - which is why I think there may have been a bigger reaction to me saying "don't bitch about your personal life to your friends." Going to a friend and saying "<spouse> and I got in a fight because I feel like they're not doing enough chores, though they think they're doing their fair share" is something I think is totally valid to talk about with a friend when seeking council. Going to that same friend and saying "<spouse> is such a piece of poo poo. I slave away in this house and all they do is sit on their fat, lazy rear end" is not something you should be sharing. But booooooooooy to I know people who talk like this about their partner. Also never loving share intimate/sensitive details about your partner without their loving consent - which is the heart of where this conversation first started. It's one thing to tell a friend about the time your partner forgot about an important date or something. It's another thing to talk about their sexual performance.
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Apr 12, 2024 22:18
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I keep my to-go containers in my go bag.
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Apr 12, 2024 22:18
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I (35F) am considering leaving my Husband (47M) because he started the carnivore "lion" diet - How can I make him see sense? About 10 months ago my husband started the "Lion" diet which is basically an extreme version of the Carnivore diet. He only eats beef and salt. Nothing else. He says this is the "ancestral way". I've done my best to be supportive during this period but his health has continued to deteriorate while he stubbornly stays on the diet. - His cholesterol numbers are sky high but he refuses to stop the diet or go on statins because he follows a doctor on YouTube who has convinced him that high cholesterol is healthy. I spent 5 minutes researching the doctor - one of the most prominent "carnivore doctors" - and he's a complete quack. - His skin is terrible. He has developed serious Acne on his face and body, and Xanthelasma under his eyes. My handsome husband now looks like a seriously unwell teenager. - He has gained a lot of weight even though he insists it is impossible to gain weight on the Lion diet. He only eats 6 very fatty beef patties only every meal. Every single meal. I've told him that his diet is very high in calories but he thinks calories are a myth. 10 months later and he seems to be gaining weight rather than losing the weight he insisted would be temporary. - The house permanently smells of beef fat - But I think the worst thing is the time he spends with other people on the same diet. It's like some kind of cult of people who seem to have low IQ and behave in a very "incel" way. He's a member of a discord group where they all motivate eachother and share pictures of the meat they eat every day. 2 months ago i told him that I was considering leaving him for all of the reasons above but he still hasn't changed. It's so upsetting that this is more important to him than his family. But I don't think I can raise our son with someone who behaves like a nutrition conspiracy theorist. But I also don't want to abandon the man I love who is very clearly going through a crisis. How can I make him see sense? Has anyone else been through this? tldr: husband is on lion diet, has developed multiple health problems and the house stinks of beef. Refuses to change his ways. I think it's time to leave him but don't want to abandon him. I know the title just changed but: r/relationships: the house smells permanently of beef fat would be great
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Apr 12, 2024 22:18
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A real lion diet would be nothing but handfuls of raw antelope
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Apr 12, 2024 22:22
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redit thread
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Apr 12, 2024 22:23
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olylifter posted:I (35F) am considering leaving my Husband (47M) because he started the carnivore "lion" diet - How can I make him see sense? Doublecheck that the life insurance is up to date, this is the kind of problem that solves itself 
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Apr 12, 2024 22:27
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Lions, famous for their liberal use of salt.
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Apr 12, 2024 22:28
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Captain Hygiene posted:Doublecheck that the life insurance is up to date, this is the kind of problem that solves itself He is going to die of scurvy due to lack of Vitamin C. A man living in the USA in the 21st century is actually going to die of scurvy, astonishing, just astonishing.
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Apr 12, 2024 22:45
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SulfurMonoxideCute posted:Someone saying "You're making me look bad" whenever they're being bad makes me laugh every time. An old comment I remember seeing on Reddit for a similar situation was “if the truth about your conduct paints you in a bad light, the problem isn’t the truth - it’s your conduct”
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Apr 12, 2024 22:45
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Hahaha holy poo poo six hamburger patties per meal with nothing but salt lol. Even GEOTUS Trump eats his berders with ketchup. No wonder he has to hang with Internet weirdos for motivation, can you imagine the sheer amount of willpower required to eat only that day in and day out, for ten loving months? quote:It's like some kind of cult of people who seem to have low IQ "Like". "Seem". Right.
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Apr 12, 2024 22:48
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AITAH for saying my exMIL is not family?quote:
Straight into my veins.
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Apr 12, 2024 22:48
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We've seen before from hundreds of posts here that there's basically two totally incompatible cultural views of respect and reputation that seem to exist in the world. -One's respect and reputation is based on their actions and the truth. The abuser is bad because they abuse and they deserve a bad reputation. The truthful spread of this information and any harm that comes to their reputation is simply the very just and deserved consequences of their actions. -One's respect and reputation is based on their position in the local hierarchy, be it family, business, political, you name it. Grandma is regarded as the matriarch of the whole extended family so you're actually the bad person for truthfully telling people about her racist screeds. Your older brother is the golden child, the oldest male and thus most important child, you are a vile person for letting it get out that he has 2 "minor" sexual assault convictions. Actions and truth have nothing to do anything, only maintaining hierarchy and the respect owed to those at the top.
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Apr 12, 2024 22:52
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olylifter posted:- But I think the worst thing is the time he spends with other people on the same diet. It's like some kind of cult of people who seem to have low IQ and behave in a very "incel" way. He's a member of a discord group where they all motivate eachother and share pictures of the meat they eat every day. This whole post—but especially this—reminds me of the low-carb thread that ended up killing someone's dog quote:proposal: a fad diet thread in the exercise forum
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Apr 12, 2024 22:59
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