r/relationships: he's just soggy moldy baby carrot

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > r/relationships: he's just soggy moldy baby carrot

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Biplane: Jul 18, 2005

Knormal posted:

r/relationships: celery up rear end, etc

99% sure we've already had this as a title. But it's real good.

# ? Apr 18, 2024 11:34

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# ? Jun 7, 2024 10:19

CommissarMega: Nov 18, 2008; THUNDERDOME LOSER

quote:

AITAH for telling a friend his beauty standards for a partner are unachievable for him?

Ok I�ll start this off by saying my friend isn�t what you would �ugly� but he definitely isn�t going to be offered a modelling contract anytime soon. His problem is he is forever moaning about being single (to the point that I think it may be affecting him mentally). But when I point out women who seem to be warming to him where he could have a chance he will always point out the things he doesn�t want in a partner ( overweight, has to be good looking and so on).

So last week while a group of us were out (we have all been friends for many years) the conversation about him being single came up. He started talking about his standards and how he would rather be single than settle for less. Maybe I was wrong but I kind of said to him that if the woman he likes has the same standards as he does, then he wouldn�t stand a chance. There was few seconds of silence after that then we just moved on to a different conversation. Afterwards while talking to another one of the friend group he said that I was a bit out of order ( U.K. slang for being a bit horrible) and was basically calling my friend ugly. I seriously didn�t mean it in that way, but I do believe he is setting his sights on people out of his league, and so far with him being single I�ve been proven right. Was I being an rear end in a top hat in that situation?

I want a 100/10 super-hottie! What do you mean, "what would I bring?"

# ? Apr 18, 2024 11:44

artsy fartsy: May 10, 2014; You'll be ahead instead of behind. Hello!

AITA for leaving my boyfriend at the airport after he “pranked” the TSA with a dildo?

quote:

Hey everyone, I (20F) really need some outside perspective on whether I was too harsh on my boyfriend (29M) because of a recent incident. My boyfriend loves practical jokes, and while some are genuinely funny, others can be a bit much. For example, he once switched all my skincare products with mayonnaise and another time, he filled my car with balloons. It's usually all in good fun, but sometimes it goes a bit too far.

We planned this amazing vacation to the Caribbean, something I had been looking forward to for months. Everything was going smoothly until we got to the airport. Right before going through airport security, my boyfriend thought it would be hilarious to pull another prank. This time, he decided to stuff a dildo down his pants to make it look like he was unusually well-endowed.

As you can imagine, the security scanners picked up on something odd, and he was pulled aside for a pat-down. When the TSA agents asked him if he was carrying anything he shouldn’t be, he yelled out, “I have a big piece and I’m gonna use it!” in what I guess he thought was a funny tone. Literally everybody turned and looked at us and it was so awkward, a couple other TSA guys ran towards him. Then he pulled out the dildo and proudly announced, “That’s my big piece!”

Well, the TSA didn’t find it funny. Both of us were taken to a back room and interrogated for over an hour, which led to us missing our flight. The agents weren’t amused, and they gave us a stern lecture on security and appropriateness.

I was so upset and embarrassed by the whole ordeal that I decided I couldn’t handle going on the vacation anymore. So instead of waiting for the next available flight, I just went home. My boyfriend was annoyed and said I was overreacting since it was just a joke and that we could just catch another flight. However, I felt like the prank crossed a line, especially considering the setting and the stress it caused.

So, Reddit, am I the rear end in a top hat for deciding to go home and miss out on our vacation because I couldn’t deal with another potential “joke” or embarrassment? Let me know what you think.

# ? Apr 18, 2024 12:00

Shanghaied: Oct 12, 2004; BIG PAD

The Alchemist posted:

quote:
My (20) boyfriend (26)

quote:
We have been dating for almost three years now and moved in together at the beginning of the pandemic so we could be in lock down together.

OTOH she's an adult picky eater, which, eww. Also dad is an rear end in a top hat for enabling this poo poo. ESH.

# ? Apr 18, 2024 12:01

mystes: May 31, 2006

artsy fartsy posted:

AITA for leaving my boyfriend at the airport after he “pranked” the TSA with a dildo?

Yta for not dumping him already after the mayonnaise thing

# ? Apr 18, 2024 12:03

Shanghaied: Oct 12, 2004; BIG PAD

Butter Activities posted:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KAwyWkksXuo

At the 25 second make I was wondering exactly what the deal was and then when the beat dropped I was cry laughing so hard thinking about what loving to this song would be like I scared my cat

ngl now I actually wanna try it just to see what it's like, but I'm really not sure my relationship is strong enough to survive this :ohdear:

# ? Apr 18, 2024 12:06

Biplane: Jul 18, 2005

That's why it's known as the Conquering Worm

# ? Apr 18, 2024 12:08

The Alchemist: Dec 12, 2010

artsy fartsy posted:

AITA for leaving my boyfriend at the airport after he “pranked” the TSA with a dildo?

My boyfriend was annoyed and said I was overreacting

The boyfriend was annoyed. What a bummer. Only an rear end in a top hat would annoy other people on purpose, for their own amusement for example.

# ? Apr 18, 2024 12:08

Shanghaied: Oct 12, 2004; BIG PAD

artsy fartsy posted:

AITA for leaving my boyfriend at the airport after he “pranked” the TSA with a dildo?

Oh wow, what's it like being so white that you completely lack fear for American law enforcement?

# ? Apr 18, 2024 12:16

Call Your Grandma: Jan 17, 2010

The Alchemist posted:

And lastly, and worst of all, he has never actually been allergic to dogs and just doesn't like them.

# ? Apr 18, 2024 12:17

Warbadger: Jun 17, 2006

wheatpuppy posted:

First date was interesting to say the least

The most surprising thing about this is the wolf/wolfdog growling at a stranger. There's a strong instinct to avoid new things/people that the vast, vast majority of wolfdogs inherit. Dogs guard, wolves hit da bricks.

Even with years of socializing, a new person approaching the house usually meant mine would be peeking around corners from a safe distance like the stranger had a personal 20 foot force-field.

# ? Apr 18, 2024 12:24

The_Franz: Aug 8, 2003

artsy fartsy posted:

AITA for leaving my boyfriend at the airport after he “pranked” the TSA with a dildo?

I�m guessing this is age-gap rage bait, because people have faced criminal charges for lesser �jokes� when dealing with security.

# ? Apr 18, 2024 12:25

Shanghaied: Oct 12, 2004; BIG PAD

The Alchemist posted:

quote:
he is not a pharmacist like he always told me, he just works at cvs.

poo poo, this reminds me of a multi-page argument/derail me and multiple other people had with a dumbass in the Trump thread, of all places. They were like "why are pharmacists still a thing when doctors already know about drugs, you can find info on the internet, and CVS/Walgreens/whatever already have self-checkout???" And the rest of us were like "WTF, do you think a pharmacist is just the cashier at the pharmacy, and not a licensed professional who goes to school for just as long as medical doctors lol?" And they just kept doubling down on how doctors are already trained on pharmacology and pharmacists are totally unnecessary lmao.

# ? Apr 18, 2024 12:39

The Alchemist: Dec 12, 2010

AITA for kicking my mom out of my house because of how she reacted to her partner not liking my wife's chili?

quote:

My mom and I have just come off of a 3 year estrangement. Her and my wife hated each other from day one, just really clashed and my mom was going through some stuff in her personal life and acting out. We mutually agreed it wasn't fixable and we should go our separate ways.

I recently reconnected with her at a party and told her that I wanted to try and fix things. My wife supported this. My mom is with someone I'll call "Rob" I'm pretty sure they are engaged but to be honest not 100% sure. We've seen my mom a couple of times since reconnecting and I can tell she is really trying. She seems extremely anxious and too nervous to talk, so we are taking it really slow, but I do believe that is her trying.

Recently we invited my mom and Rob over. My wife was making chili in the crock pot and it was done but we weren't ready to eat. She had some tortilla chips and said that she likes dipping it in the chili and invited them to have some while we waited. rob took some and gagged. I don't think he did it on purpose and he seemed embarrassed, but my wife's chili is very sweet. She uses maple syrup, chocolate powder, cinnamon, and brown sugar. My mom laughed which upset my wife because has always been smug about not thinking my wife is a good cook.

I could see my wife getting annoyed and snapped at my mom. Rob looked kind of ill and excused himself. My mom stood there for a minute in silence and then bolted after him and started banging on the bathroom door and demanding to be let in. He was ignoring her and she started freaking out and said she wanted to be hugged (she has some anxiety and PTSD related stuff and he is her comfort person) Just as I got to the door to tell her to stop banging Rob let her in and I heard their conversation. Rob was saying they had to get out of here because he can't eat that chili. My mom was kind of teasing him about aww you didn't like it and telling him she served it with rice with raisins and sugar and a chocolate sauce (a lie), and he said it tasted like dog food with sugar and he was going to have nightmares.

I saw red and my mom was laughing. It just brought me back to how smug she used to be and how she looked down on us. When they came out I told her to leave. My mom got really quiet again and said it was creepy that I was standing outside of the bathroom door. She said she's been trying and she feels I'm looking for reasons to hate her. I told her to just go because I was too emotional to talk to her. She left willingly but Rob told me I can't just nitpick and kick her out and then think she is going to want to continue to put work into this relationship.

# ? Apr 18, 2024 12:40

Mx.: Dec 16, 2006; I'm a great fan! When I watch TV I'm always saying "That's political correctness gone mad!"
Why thankyew!

The Alchemist posted:

AITA for kicking my mom out of my house because of how she reacted to her partner not liking my wife's chili?

lol a classic

# ? Apr 18, 2024 12:54

Pope Corky the IX: Dec 18, 2006; What are you looking at?

DoubleNegative posted:

AITA for refusing to stop driving and sell my car despite my boyfriend asking me to do so?

Across three years, this woman has somehow managed to make her foot slip three times, causing her to hit a parked car every time.

I always had respect for my ex-wife�s grandfather who, after confusing the gas with the brake and giving the Dunkin Donuts a brand new drive-thru, voluntarily gave up his keys and license without question.

# ? Apr 18, 2024 12:56

Cthulu Carl: Apr 16, 2006

The Alchemist posted:

AITA for kicking my mom out of my house because of how she reacted to her partner not liking my wife's chili?

Sounds kinda like Cincinnati chili, which people who make it should be aware how divisive it is... and serve it anyway. With an increasingly menacing smile as you make your guests slurp down their five way.

# ? Apr 18, 2024 13:00

Pope Corky the IX: Dec 18, 2006; What are you looking at?

Okay, I thought �Cincinnati chili� was an entirely different thing.

# ? Apr 18, 2024 13:07

Mudlark: Nov 10, 2009

Anyone who doesn't like skyline chili deserves to be :sever:

ed in all honesty - it's the only good thing Ohio has ever done.

# ? Apr 18, 2024 13:30

PancakeTransmission: May 27, 2007; You gotta improvise, Lisa: cloves, Tom Collins mix, frozen pie crust...; Plaster Town Cop

Pope Corky the IX posted:

Okay, I thought “Cincinnati chili” was an entirely different thing.

Easy to confuse with the Cleveland Steamer

# ? Apr 18, 2024 13:32

edgeman83: Jul 13, 2003

The Alchemist posted:

AITA for kicking my mom out of my house because of how she reacted to her partner not liking my wife's chili?

My favorite part of all of this is how in the comments they say how they themselves can't eat an entire bowlful and it took a while to build up a tolerance for more than a single spoonful. The whole thing seems really intentional.

# ? Apr 18, 2024 13:41

The Alchemist: Dec 12, 2010

PancakeTransmission posted:

Easy to confuse with the Cleveland Steamer

especially tastewise

# ? Apr 18, 2024 13:41

kdrudy: Sep 19, 2009

Mudlark posted:

Anyone who doesn't like skyline chili deserves to be ed in all honesty - it's the only good thing Ohio has ever done.

So nothing good from Ohio then.

# ? Apr 18, 2024 13:58

BOOTY-ADE: Aug 30, 2006; BIG KOOL TELLIN' Y'ALL TO KEEP IT TIGHT

wheatpuppy posted:

First date was interesting to say the least

Love how well-behaved the wolves seemed :3:

NGL I'd be intimidated too, considering how massive they are compared to domestic dogs

The Alchemist posted:

AITA for being mad my bf won't make noodles the way I like

They both suck - her for the picky eating/wasting food & him for cheating/lying/disliking dogs

# ? Apr 18, 2024 14:01

Molybdenum: Jun 25, 2007; Melting Point ~2622C

In Cincinnati chili cinnamon is a typical ingredient along with some kind of sweetener (1tbsp per batch kind of ratio), but chocolate/cocoa is a red herring to protect recipes.

# ? Apr 18, 2024 14:03

John Wick of Dogs: Mar 4, 2017; A real hellraiser

I applaud the girl for.the invention of homeopathic tomato sauce. She's got to figure out a way to bottle and sell that.

# ? Apr 18, 2024 14:05

keep punching joe: Jan 22, 2006; Die Satan!

That sounds like a bad chilli. Dad was right for trying to get out of the situation asap.

# ? Apr 18, 2024 14:09

Neito: Feb 18, 2009; 😌Finally, an avatar the describes my love of tech❤️‍💻, my love of anime💖🎎, and why I'll never see a real girl 🙆‍♀️naked😭.

The Maroon Hawk posted:

I�m a great driver other than all these at-fault accidents, most of which involved me flooring it into a parked car

Agreed, but OP even says public transit in their city is �okay� (probably astoundingly good by American standards) and they just prefer the �freedom� that their car gives them

Gotta keep my freedom to keep slamming my car into stationary objects

I think it depends on what city she's in. If she's in, say, LA or something, where "Okay" public transit means "Sometimes the bus actually comes", then yeah, it sucks, but she probably needs that car. If she's in like, Boston, where you can reasonably live without a car, then yeah, give up the car, girl.

# ? Apr 18, 2024 14:11

Mx.: Dec 16, 2006; I'm a great fan! When I watch TV I'm always saying "That's political correctness gone mad!"
Why thankyew!

if you cant drive dont drive

# ? Apr 18, 2024 14:14

Pope Corky the IX: Dec 18, 2006; What are you looking at?

Whether or not the public transportation in her area is adequate does not supersede the fact that she's a terrible driver. Especially when it seems as though she doesn't understand how the gas and brake actually work. Notice how she's clinging to the one accident that wasn't her fault and has a bunch of ridiculous excuses for the ones that were.

# ? Apr 18, 2024 14:16

Neito: Feb 18, 2009; 😌Finally, an avatar the describes my love of tech❤️‍💻, my love of anime💖🎎, and why I'll never see a real girl 🙆‍♀️naked😭.

Mx. posted:

if you cant drive dont drive

Oh, for sure. I'm 38 and never got my license; I've tried a few times (and am in the middle of an attempt now, if "getting your permit" counts as an attempt), but between dyspraxia and the attendant poor proprioception, I have a ton of anxiety about it.

But I'm also a WFH computer toucher in an area good enough to have at least *some* public transit, and I've had to turn down jobs because getting to them would be impossible or a nightmare. I'm at least sympathetic to the idea of "No, America's actually a literal nightmare if you can't drive".

# ? Apr 18, 2024 14:20

Harold Fjord: Jan 3, 2004

We built this society that says everyone has to drive. we can't then also get mad at people for having to drive.

Cities with bad public transportation should have higher insurance rates for everyone until they get their poo poo sorted

Don't want to pay for your neighbors to ride the bus it's going to be a lot more expensive to insure that BMW cuz you're on the road with this lady

# ? Apr 18, 2024 14:20

StrangersInTheNight: Dec 31, 2007; ABSOLUTE FUCKING GUDGEON

yeah tbh making a whole society that requires people to be drivers but providing no means for the public to practice or develop the skill, or safe & reasonable alternatives, means we got ourselves into this

# ? Apr 18, 2024 14:30

Hispanic! At The Disco: Dec 25, 2011

Warbadger posted:

The most surprising thing about this is the wolf/wolfdog growling at a stranger. There's a strong instinct to avoid new things/people that the vast, vast majority of wolfdogs inherit. Dogs guard, wolves hit da bricks.

Even with years of socializing, a new person approaching the house usually meant mine would be peeking around corners from a safe distance like the stranger had a personal 20 foot force-field.

I think they're just large dogs because the only way you're fitting three wolves on a couch is if they're very young or you inherited Andre the Giant's furniture.

Pope Corky the IX posted:

Whether or not the public transportation in her area is adequate does not supersede the fact that she's a terrible driver. Especially when it seems as though she doesn't understand how the gas and brake actually work. Notice how she's clinging to the one accident that wasn't her fault and has a bunch of ridiculous excuses for the ones that were.

Crashing into parked cars may cause a lot of property damage but it also helps people get to work on time so it's impossible to say if it's good or bad.

# ? Apr 18, 2024 14:35

Warbadger: Jun 17, 2006

Hispanic! At The Disco posted:

I think they're just large dogs because the only way you're fitting three wolves on a couch is if they're very young or you inherited Andre the Giant's furniture.

That part is believable to me because they compact themselves into balls when inactive.

# ? Apr 18, 2024 14:42

Shanghaied: Oct 12, 2004; BIG PAD

Neito posted:

I'm at least sympathetic to the idea of "No, America's actually a literal nightmare if you can't drive".

You can be sympathetic, but also sucks to suck, if you can't drive then you shouldn't drive. Over here you have people who habitually drive under the influence and without license (because they habitually drive under the influence), who are known to the police, who are regularly caught and fined or jailed for short stints. And they just keep on driving illegally. It's mostly a rural thing. Most of the times nothing happens or they only hurt themselves, because it's mostly in the sticks, but occasionally one of these fuckheads kills someone and ends up in the news. Like I get it, it loving sucks if you live in the middle of nowhere and can't drive, but also it's still no excuse for endangering other people on the road.

# ? Apr 18, 2024 14:43

Neito: Feb 18, 2009; 😌Finally, an avatar the describes my love of tech❤️‍💻, my love of anime💖🎎, and why I'll never see a real girl 🙆‍♀️naked😭.

The problem is the practical reality of "If you can't drive, you starve" in many places. But at this point I'm probably writing more fanfiction than actual commentary on the post, due to topic drift. The reality, for that poster at this time, is that if Public Transit gets you where you need to go in a reasonable time (a big ask in the USA, to be sure), then yeah, sucks to suck.

# ? Apr 18, 2024 14:49

The Alchemist: Dec 12, 2010

Hispanic! At The Disco posted:

I think they're just large dogs because the only way you're fitting three wolves on a couch is if they're very young or you inherited Andre the Giant's furniture.

Crashing into parked cars may cause a lot of property damage but it also helps people get to work on time so it's impossible to say if it's good or bad.

Property damage is good but helping people get to work is bad.

# ? Apr 18, 2024 14:49

Ominous Jazz: Jun 15, 2011; Big D is chillin' over here
Wasteland style

StrangersInTheNight posted:

yeah tbh making a whole society that requires people to be drivers but providing no means for the public to practice or develop the skill, or safe & reasonable alternatives, means we got ourselves into this

first of all, his name is Robert Moses and I'm gonna be like the doomguy when I go to Hell trying to track down that rotten motherfucker

# ? Apr 18, 2024 14:50

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# ? Jun 7, 2024 10:19

Pope Corky the IX: Dec 18, 2006; What are you looking at?

I grew up on Long Island and live in New York City. loving everything is named after that piece of poo poo.

# ? Apr 18, 2024 14:51

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