r/relationships: SPRAYING A FRAGRANCE ON MY PENIS

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > r/relationships: SPRAYING A FRAGRANCE ON MY PENIS

Cliff: Nov 12, 2008

Captain Hygiene posted:

Twist: the husband's obliviousness was a ruse all along, and he's actually masterminded the perfect plan to pull off the affair

Obv he used a different D with his affair partner, bing bang boom

# ? Apr 20, 2024 20:20

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# ? Jun 1, 2024 15:59

Captain Hygiene: Sep 17, 2007; You mess with the crabbo...

haveblue posted:

I, too, remember the Prestige porn parody

The scene at the end with a bunch of dead dicks floating in sealed water tanks was kind of a weird swerve for the genre

# ? Apr 20, 2024 20:30

CannonFodder: Jan 26, 2001; Passion’s Wrench

Cliff posted:

Obv he used a different D with his affair partner, bing bang boom

King Missile music intensifies

# ? Apr 20, 2024 20:31

odiv: Jan 12, 2003

Captain Hygiene posted:

... kind of a weird swerve for the genre

Hey a bit of a swerve is perfectly natural.

# ? Apr 20, 2024 21:12

I. M. Gei: Jun 26, 2005; CHIEFS

BITCH

CaptainViolence posted:

r/relationships: a real Pecker S�ze

# ? Apr 20, 2024 21:30

SulfurMonoxideCute: Feb 9, 2008; I was under direct orders not to die
🐵❌💀

Cliff posted:

Obv he used a different D with his affair partner, bing bang boom

Well I went on down to the dick rental shop ooooo because I wanted to cheat and not get caught oh yeah

# ? Apr 20, 2024 21:40

John Wick of Dogs: Mar 4, 2017; A real hellraiser

Hey George, the dick store called. They're running out of dicks.

# ? Apr 20, 2024 21:47

Troublemaker: Mar 12, 2007

https://www.google.com/search?q=son...IUk08iYZKE,st:0

# ? Apr 20, 2024 21:55

kimbo305: Jun 9, 2007; actually, yeah, I am a little mad

John Wick of Dogs posted:

Hey George, the dick store called. They're running out of dicks.

Hmm, that can�t be right�
Dick is cheap and plentiful

# ? Apr 20, 2024 22:35

Batterypowered7: Aug 8, 2009; The mist that chills you keeps me warm.

kimbo305 posted:

Hmm, that can’t be right…
Dick is cheap and plentiful

Someone bought it all up in an attempt to raise the market price.

E:

https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2024/04/15/magazine/polycule-polyamory-boston.html

quote:

My husband and I are very, very different, which is our strength. He’s a frat bro who loves sports, and I’m a radical alien witch academic nerd. In the beginning, we did all the typical stuff. Read the books on nonmonogamy, did the relationship check-ins. We’d sit down, take notes. We did every exercise in the books, listened to every podcast. We learned a strategy from the Multiamory podcast called “agile scrum,” which was adapted from business-meeting models.

Further proof that agile methodology was a mistake.

Batterypowered7 fucked around with this message at 23:08 on Apr 20, 2024

# ? Apr 20, 2024 22:47

Mx.: Dec 16, 2006; I'm a great fan! When I watch TV I'm always saying "That's political correctness gone mad!"
Why thankyew!

Fatty posted:

Thanks, remembering that helped me find the rendition.

https://whyp.it/tracks/137259/j-the-b?token=tUPee

Edit: Sorry, credit to Rat Patrol.

gently caress yeah

# ? Apr 21, 2024 00:44

mystes: May 31, 2006

Fatty posted:

Thanks, remembering that helped me find the rendition.

https://whyp.it/tracks/137259/j-the-b?token=tUPee

Edit: Sorry, credit to Rat Patrol.

That's honestly a lot less bad than I would have expected based on the lyrics

# ? Apr 21, 2024 00:46

DreamingofRoses: Jun 27, 2013; Nap Ghost

mystes posted:

That's honestly a lot less bad than I would have expected based on the lyrics

That is a goon�s interpretation of the lyrics. IIRC the OP never posted any actual music attached to it.

# ? Apr 21, 2024 00:49

mystes: May 31, 2006

DreamingofRoses posted:

That is a goon’s interpretation of the lyrics. IIRC the OP never posted any actual music attached to it.

Oh that makes a lot more sense

# ? Apr 21, 2024 00:50

I. M. Gei: Jun 26, 2005; CHIEFS

BITCH

I wanna hear James Earl Jones read it without music.

I'd buy a BIBLE CLOCK if it had James Earl Jones reading that lady's weird song lyrics instead of bible quotes.

I. M. Gei fucked around with this message at 01:05 on Apr 21, 2024

# ? Apr 21, 2024 01:01

Red Rox: Aug 24, 2004; Motel Midnight off the hook

Butter Activities posted:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KAwyWkksXuo

At the 25 second make I was wondering exactly what the deal was and then when the beat dropped I was cry laughing so hard thinking about what loving to this song would be like I scared my cat

Terribly sorry to bring this up again, but wow the sad little horn noise 48 seconds in, I can�t stop laughing.

# ? Apr 21, 2024 01:07

Scathach: Apr 4, 2011; You know that thing where you sleep on your arm funny and when you wake up it's all numb? Yeah that's my whole world right now.

kimbo305 posted:

Hmm, that can’t be right…
Dick is cheap and plentiful

Honestly they're not even cheap, but free. And sometimes you can even get paid to handle them!

# ? Apr 21, 2024 01:43

BrigadierSensible: Feb 16, 2012; I've got a pocket full of cheese🧀, and a garden full of trees🌴.

Batterypowered7 posted:

https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2024/04/15/magazine/polycule-polyamory-boston.html

Further proof that agile methodology was a mistake.

I know what most of the words in that quoted section mean. But I can't for the life of me understand any of it.

And I think my life is the better for that.

# ? Apr 21, 2024 03:40

Quackles: Aug 11, 2018; Pixels of Light.

BrigadierSensible posted:

I know what most of the words in that quoted section mean. But I can't for the life of me understand any of it.

It's a cat colony.

# ? Apr 21, 2024 03:48

FMguru: Sep 10, 2003; peed on;
sexually

A solid LOL

AITA for joking about my sister not to steal my bf resulting in her bf to break up with her?

quote:

So I (f33) was engaged once before until I came home and found him with my sister (f28). At first she cried and apologized but I wasn�t having it so she doubled down and started dating him after a year they were engaged and as fast they broke up. All of this was 4 years ago. Before this she tried to sleep with one of my bfs.

I am happily dating my bf now for several months. My sister has a bf since 2 years. When I introduced my bf my sister looked her best and batted her lashes. I jokingly said, now now, this is my sister, she will try to sleep with you. Her bf looked confused. Then I heard that he broke up with her because he found out about her sleeping with her sister�s fianc�. She is livid because it was serious between them and she always said she would marry this guy but now he has blocked her everywhere. Was I the ah?

I was fully aware that her bf was within an ear shot but did I foresee a break up? No. It was just a resentful comment from me because her batting her eye lashes triggered me because she used to do that with my ex fianc�.

Edit: everyone is asking why I talk to my sister. I don�t. I have no direct contact with her since I caught her with my then fianc�. I only meet her at family gatherings. I didn�t introduce my bf to HER personally. My comment about her was probably the first time I talked with/about her since I cut contact 4 years ago.

Ahahaha, eat poo poo sis.

# ? Apr 21, 2024 03:53

FMguru: Sep 10, 2003; peed on;
sexually

Behold: the healing power of utter indifference

AITA because I didn't act sad when my soon to be ex passed away in a car accident.

quote:

Really that's it. We were getting divorced because she cheated. I was upset but not a lot. She was not getting much from our marriage and we didn't have kids. The only real issue was our dogs.

She passed away after getting into a car accident that wasn't even that serious. Just a fluke that she died.

Her mom called to tell me and was angry that I didn't sound sad. I don't know how to sound sad.

I went to the funeral. Her boyfriend was there. He was visibly upset. People came over to give me condolences. I pointed them all his way.

I don't really understand why her family is upset with me. We were over. But they are all calling me an rear end in a top hat for not being sadder.

I want to be clear here. I did love her. Before she cheated. I was angry when she left. I am not in any way celebrating that she passed away. I just don't care. I'm happy that I get to keep more of our stuff she didn't get to.

Why aren't you sobbing and crying and rending your garments that the ex- who cheated on you is dead?!?

# ? Apr 21, 2024 03:55

Captain Hygiene: Sep 17, 2007; You mess with the crabbo...

FMguru posted:

AITA for joking about my sister not to steal my bf resulting in her bf to break up with her?

Oof ow my consequences :negative:

# ? Apr 21, 2024 03:56

Mr. Lobe: Feb 23, 2007; ... Dry bones...

FMguru posted:

Behold: the healing power of utter indifference

AITA because I didn't act sad when my soon to be ex passed away in a car accident.

Why aren't you sobbing and crying and rending your garments that the ex- who cheated on you is dead?!?

I'd probably not go to that funeral, personally

# ? Apr 21, 2024 03:59

oh jay: Oct 15, 2012

Mr. Lobe posted:

I'd probably not go to that funeral, personally

It was for the dogs' sake.

# ? Apr 21, 2024 04:05

Mr. Lobe: Feb 23, 2007; ... Dry bones...

On the bright side since they didn't divorce yet, he gets her assets, doesn't he

# ? Apr 21, 2024 04:07

Hughlander: May 11, 2005

FMguru posted:

A solid LOL

AITA for joking about my sister not to steal my bf resulting in her bf to break up with her?

Ahahaha, eat poo poo sis.

"Oh you lost your fiance due to your cheating? I can't imagine what that feels like."

# ? Apr 21, 2024 04:17

FMguru: Sep 10, 2003; peed on;
sexually

A story in three parts. Warning: contains (redacted) ableist slur

AIW for saying I'm not interested in helping my sister fix her relationship?

quote:

My(16m) sister(18) came home looking agitated. When our mom asked her what's wrong, she said she had an argument with her boyfriend(18). She found his sister(9)'s stuttering annoying and said so. I asked her how she expressed her view. She told me she said to him 'Why does your sister stutter? Is she r-----ed or something?"

Then she quickly told me about how she only said it to him because she was irritated. She said he got mad at her and made her leave, and then asked me if I can help her fix this mess. She thinks that because I'm a guy I can tell her how to get her guy to forgive her.

I just told her I'm not interested in this fiasco, and that she screwed up too much for me to help.

Our mom told me that she is still my sister and that I shouldn't be so quick to ignore her plight like this. She said I should at least try to sympathize with her

quote:

This morning, I spoke to my mom. What I told her is that I understand she wants me and my sister to get along but there are some things that 16 year old me can�t help fix. She said that I�m too pessimistic so I asked her if she�d date someone who used that sort of word with one of my uncles, her younger brothers.

She admitted that she wouldn�t. I told her I�ll give my sister some advice and when my sister entered the room I told her she should apologize to her boyfriend and admit she was in the wrong.

My sister said he overreacted and that she is meeting him today, after he texted her that they need to talk. She is convinced he wants to reconcile.

quote:

The guy broke up with her. My sister still insists it wasn't a big deal since 'the kid didn't hear it' and that he'll 'come crawling back. She told me to just 'wait and see.'

Yeah, he'll come crawling back annnnny minute now, sister. Brother should bet (and bet heavily) on the odds of that coming to pass.

# ? Apr 21, 2024 04:27

Barudak: May 7, 2007

Mr. Lobe posted:

On the bright side since they didn't divorce yet, he gets her assets, doesn't he

You betcha, those dogs are safe.

# ? Apr 21, 2024 04:28

Troublemaker: Mar 12, 2007

AITA For Refusing To Babysit For My Aunt Until She Pays For My Phone That Her Kids broke?

quote:

My (F15) aunt and cousins (both M6) are visiting from Boston. They are on school break right now, and I'm in school, and the teacher's chill.

They are both kind of, uh, rough, and since my mom and her sister seem to have a LOT of catching up to do, they are out basically everyday. That leaves me and my brother (M14) and my other sister (F12) to babysit, and they are basically no help.

On Saturday, I wanted to actually make them baked mac and cheese, and after putting the butter on the pan, I went to go get the flour, and I guess they thought it would be funny if they decided to put my phone on the stove, because they moved the pan, and put my phone on the stove. I'd say it was there for at least 45 seconds before I noticed it was actually on the stove (We had so much flour, I couldn't find the already-opened bag) and I took it off, but there was a burning smell, as well as the screen not really working. My dad sometimes will help me with them, but he was at the gym when this all happened. I ended up making them something else.

When my mom and aunt got back home at around, I immediately showed them my phone, and my mom was mad, but kind of became less mad when she found out it was my cousins. My Aunt basically said "Oh well," and tended to her kids. So I told her not to expect crap from me until my phone is fixed. At the time we didn't get a deductible ($175) and my Aunt immediately jumped to the "I can't afford it." Even though she didn't even know the cost. My mom is mad at me for being rude, my sister is mad at me for being "Rude," and making her miss out on quality time with her sister. She just mumbles and grumbles every time I walk by her.

AITA?

# ? Apr 21, 2024 05:09

binge crotching: Apr 2, 2010

Troublemaker posted:

AITA For Refusing To Babysit For My Aunt Until She Pays For My Phone That Her Kids broke?

Well, I guess we know who is moving out as soon as she turns 18.

# ? Apr 21, 2024 05:28

mystes: May 31, 2006

Troublemaker posted:

AITA For Refusing To Babysit For My Aunt Until She Pays For My Phone That Her Kids broke?

For a second I thought this was a repost of the one from before where the phone was thrown in a swimming pool or something

# ? Apr 21, 2024 05:35

ApplesandOranges: Jun 22, 2012; Thankee kindly.

Edit: deleted for gross allegations.

ApplesandOranges fucked around with this message at 08:06 on Apr 21, 2024

# ? Apr 21, 2024 05:53

Scathach: Apr 4, 2011; You know that thing where you sleep on your arm funny and when you wake up it's all numb? Yeah that's my whole world right now.

r/relationships: he fingered her in the treehouse

# ? Apr 21, 2024 06:13

Zorak of Michigan: Jun 10, 2006

Ahead by a century.

# ? Apr 21, 2024 06:14

Entorwellian: Jun 30, 2006; ~~Northern Flicker~~
Anna's Hummingbird

Sorry, but the people have spoken.

ApplesandOranges posted:

AITA for telling my husbands �cousin� to back off?

~~Wait so did this guy fingerbang his cousin or just some hookup?~~ Family friend. Never mind.

# ? Apr 21, 2024 06:17

Kenshin: Jan 10, 2007

When "they" were teens is, uh, literally not possible.

# ? Apr 21, 2024 06:18

Entorwellian: Jun 30, 2006; ~~Northern Flicker~~
Anna's Hummingbird

Sorry, but the people have spoken.

Kenshin posted:

When "they" were teens is, uh, literally not possible.

The buried lede was that the "cousin" was a long-time family friend. It took me a re-read to catch that.

# ? Apr 21, 2024 06:19

Kenshin: Jan 10, 2007

Entorwellian posted:

The buried lede was that the "cousin" was a long-time family friend. It took me a re-read to catch that.

I'm referring to this line in the final update:

quote:

he fingered her in the treehouse when they were like teens

Literal best case scenario here is 18/26

# ? Apr 21, 2024 06:21

Hughlander: May 11, 2005

Kenshin posted:

When "they" were teens is, uh, literally not possible.

Yep it's just an abuse story, she even confirms the age difference in the comments.

Someone posted:

But I need to clarify what OP typed. He fingered her in a treehouse when they were teens. But he's 8 years older than her????? Like he was 19 and she was an 11 year old preteen?

OP posted:

That�s what I�m not understanding!!! Like wtf 😳

# ? Apr 21, 2024 06:23

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# ? Jun 1, 2024 15:59

Scathach: Apr 4, 2011; You know that thing where you sleep on your arm funny and when you wake up it's all numb? Yeah that's my whole world right now.

Ah hell I didn't even catch the ages. Wtf.

In my defense it's 4/20 and I probably haven't noticed a lot of stuff today

# ? Apr 21, 2024 06:33

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