trickybiscuits posted:

quote:

Not the A-hole
Context: My brother and I are twins and had wealthy parents. We have some property that they bought for us for our 18th birthday.

Fast forward 14 years and we are both married. Our parents passed away and we finished dividing inheritance . My husband and I are fairly high earners in our own right, while my brother and his wife live off of his inheritance. Our parents wealth mainly came from stocks, bonds and their jobs so they didn't have much real estate.

Two years ago, my brother asked my husband and I for a loan so he could start his own business. I agreed to it and we sign a contract where he uses the real estate our father bought for him as collateral. At this time, he had been living with his wife in a different city.

His business was lagging, but he still somehow managed to pay the bills. He was still making the monthly loan repayments to me, so I kept quiet.

Recently, I found out that he sold the property he gave me as collateral to one of our cousins. Neither of them said anything to me and he kept the money for himself and did not say a word about selling the property. Now I'm threatening legal action against him.

I'm getting calls from my SIL and my brothers MIL daily. At first they were begging me to forgive him and that he didn't know he wasn't allowed to sell it. Now they're calling me a heartless bitch for threatening to file a lawsuit and it wasn't his fault because I got an equal share as him from our inheritance even though I made more money.

Apparently his business was struggling so much he needed the money from the sale to keep it afloat.

My entire family is in an uproar, half siding with me and the other half with my brother.

EDIT: I do have a recorded lien, which was drafted by a lawyer. In the contract, the property was clearly stated to be collateral. Something obviously went wrong since he was able to sell the property, which I am now trying to figure out.

HookedOnChthonics posted:

No don’t tell him!! Straights trying to guess queer terminology from assumptions and half-understood media references is my favorite

I. M. Gei, please tell us what you imagine a ‘circuit gay’ is or does, also ‘gold star lesbian’

quote:

I (33M and my wife (30F) live in a high COL state and are saving up for a starter home by getting some more money for a down payment before moving to a lower COL state in another part of the country. Our plan seems pretty solid, she has family where we're moving, seems great. Wife and I have been in a relationship for over 10 years, 5 of which were long distance, 6 in person, got married this year (just pulled ourselves out of a post-covid pit and are doing much better for ourselves, relationship is absolutely rock solid)

My mother is running into some issues, she's single 60+ and used to be part of the medical work force before making some decisions i don't entirely agree with. She liquidated her 401k to get a third degree to go into veterinary technician work before quitting a few months later, and since has been doing caretaker stuff, taking care of her late father until passing, before finding a bedroom to stay with someone else to save money.

With our recent plans to save for a home (which we're close, but I want to save a bit more to avoid PMI on a new house), she's been insistent she buys a house 3-ways, as her current landlord-friend is trying to sell her house soon and my mom will have to find somewhere to go. That said my mom refuses to re-enter the work force when she has 3 professional degrees including multiple masters degrees and could easily out-earn me and my wife's combined income. I'm hesitant to let her buy with us because she's often disagreeable even though she's nice, often injects herself overly in matters that don't require her, and as of right now, doesn't want to do much if anything to keep herself out of being homeless. I would help, but right now, shes able bodied (minus needing a minor surgery) but is stonewall about not doing anything difficult for money (right now she dog sits for a very small amount of money for other people).

My wife is flat out against the idea, she wants the opportunity to buy a house for me and her and live a life we both want as a goal, and I'm frustrated my mother won't do more to take care of herself and expects me to be a savior. I'm getting daily messages about wanting to move in with us and I don't think this is a good idea. Earlier this year we almost decided to rent 3-ways by moving to a different city but she constantly shot down every house listing we tried to apply for because she wasn't given full freedom of the space since we're splitting the home based on the rent contribution, of which I'd be paying the majority.

Am I wrong for being of the opinion she should return (even if briefly) to the medical field until me and my wife decide to move to a lower COL area either this year or next year and not give her too much of a foot in on our living situation? Would I be better buying sooner than later? (wife and I make about a combined 110-120k and have about 30k in savings toward a down payment as first-time-home buyers). Again, open to advice. I'm worried I'm being guilted into the position of saving someone who won't do much to help themselves and that might put my new marriage at risk

TL:DR, mom wants to move in with me and my wife and buy a house because rent here is alot for a single person, but doesn't want to re-enter the work force despite being more professionally-qualified than me and my wife combined and is claiming she will be homeless unless a miracle happens. I don't think it's a good idea.

_________

Update: You all provided excellent responses, I'm very thankful for the honesty. I took some time, gave her a heart-to-heart discussion. She must have known as she was very quick to use a ton of emotional collateral but I held firm. She cried and hung up, took it about as poorly as someone can. I know this was the right response, just hurts.

S40CheckingAccount posted:

Mother (60F) persistent on wanting to buy a house with me (33M) and my wife (30F), but won't get a job to prevent homelessness.

The mother sounds, if nothing else, terrible with money. I wonder what the job market for her relevent degrees and experience is.

quote:

She liquidated her 401k to get a third degree to go into veterinary technician work before quitting a few months later

HookedOnChthonics posted:

No don’t tell him!! Straights trying to guess queer terminology from assumptions and half-understood media references is my favorite

I. M. Gei, please tell us what you imagine a ‘circuit gay’ is or does, also ‘gold star lesbian’

StrangersInTheNight posted:

lol the entire process is flippant, it's not like they give you a primer of the responsibilities you're signing up for when you sign the license, this is the laziest poo poo. if they wanted people not to be flippant about marriage, then they should educate people on the legal aspects and let them do what they want with the knowledge, up to and including getting married the same day as their license. gently caress the govt finger-wagging if you've considered your own marriage enough and makin' you do a lil time out to have a think, that's not their place.

Rockman Reserve posted:

a cricut gay (derogatory) is what all us silhouette cameo users call you behind your back at the Joanne Fabrics

PetraCore posted:

I'm laughing at all the gold star lesbian definitions and I wish they were accurate because as a lesbian myself the terminology actually really pisses me off. It's the term used for a lesbian who has 'never touched a dick' which as you can imagine goes from playful to genuinely cruel quite fast when you start factoring in things such as sexual assault, people dating guys before they realized they were gay, and transphobia.

ApplesandOranges posted:

The gay test is basically a zoology exam.

Sure, you might know your bears and gym bunnies, but do you know about the pandas, otters and giraffes?

DreamingofRoses posted:

Don’t forget gold star lesbians being biphobic as hell towards the idea of dating a bi woman!

Kenshin posted:

Otters is definitely a term gay men use, I have heard facebook friends use it to refer to themselves on numerous occasions.

Pandas and giraffes though? Uh...

DreamingofRoses posted:

Don’t forget gold star lesbians being biphobic as hell towards the idea of dating a bi woman!

Breetai posted:

Please tell me that this isn't some sort of "I have never hosed somebody with a dick or somebody else who has hosed somebody with a dick" bullshit.

That's getting incredibly close to the parodic "It's gay for a straight man to kiss a straight woman because she's had a dick in her mouth" shitpost tweets.

Breetai posted:

Please tell me that this isn't some sort of "I have never hosed somebody with a dick or somebody else who has hosed somebody with a dick" bullshit.

That's getting incredibly close to the parodic "It's gay for a straight man to kiss a straight woman because she's had a dick in her mouth" shitpost tweets.

quote:

Low stakes question: My husband and I have been together for over 45 years. We have different senses of humor; I’m drier witted and he’s more slapstick. Most of the time it works, but sometimes he says or does something that I don’t find at all funny. He’s waiting for my laugh and I sit in silence. He’s hurt/mad that I’m not amused, and I’m amazed he thinks what he said or did is even mildly funny. Do I need to laugh at everything he says? Is there a better way to handle this? After all this time, you’d think it wouldn’t cause problems but somehow this can turn into a huge argument.

quote:

Jenée:I wonder if she used to give him a little fake laugh and she’s quit in recent years because she’s sick of him for reasons unrelated to his sense of humor. Or maybe he suddenly needs more affirmation from her than he did before because of something that’s going on for him.

Joel: There’s really only so long anyone can keep up the pretense of fake laughter. So yeah, I wonder if there’s something else going on here, and I thought it was your latter point: He’s looking for … connection? Affirmation? Hell, attention? I tend to think it’s about a lot more than getting her co-sign on a silly Tik Tok.

Jenée: Yeah, I would think the fake laughs would expire after about five dates. Or the first argument. Speaking of arguments: They’re actually fighting about this! There’s gotta be more going on, right?

Joel: Absolutely. What drove her to the point where all of a sudden that she can’t even muster a half-hearted chuckle? Something has changed between them, and they should probably try to get to the bottom of it before it curdles into resentment. Maybe that’s an overreaction, but everyone knows what it’s like to want to laugh at the same thing with someone they love and being denied that. It actually can hurt, sometimes.

trickybiscuits posted:

Slate does this stupid thing where someone writes in and two people discuss it for a thousand years. But this one isn't too bad.

Letter:

From the discussion:

What on earth does she mean by slapstick? Does he keep getting hit with pies and falling off balconies?

Sex Farm posted:

They sound like my parents, my mother is very dry and my father is the goofiest fucker you've ever met

Captain Hygiene posted:

So this is the way I find out Ben Shapiro has children

Breetai posted:

A gold star lesbian is a lesbian who has faced all of the challenges of lesbianism, but has not yet commenced new game+.

quote:

I’m(34F) a US born Desi and my parents have tried to marry me off several times. I’m considered old so they have been pushing me endlessly to marry and get settled down. I have been set up with 3 potential matches and turned them down. My father keeps saying I’m too picky and any guy is ok. That it’s up to me to make a happy marriage. I’m personally very skeptical of marriage but I’m now the black sheep of the family by still being single.

Last year they came to me with another potential match. We began chatting on WhatsApp and then began meeting up. It was nice, he seems like a good match and I was sick of the comments from older friends and family. I told my parents it was a good match and they began planning on the wedding.

We were suppose to get married in 2 months but then a girl messages me and claims to be my fiancé’s gf. I thought it was a scam but she knew everything about him and sent me photos of them together. She said they have been together for 6 years and they were supposed to be married.

I call my fiancé and he confirms that the girl is being truthful but say he will end the relationship once we marry. I ask if they were still together and he says no but the girl sent a photo of them kissing at a festival that happened the previous weekend. So I don’t believe they are officially broken up and I think he plans to keep a side piece after we marry.

I tell my parents I want to cancel the wedding and they are very mad. Even after I show them the photos and what my fiancé says, they insist the girl is lying and I’m just getting cold feet. I keep telling them he hasn’t ended the relationship and they refuse to believe me because his parents told them he has never had a gf. I’m so frustrated and tell them I refuse to do the marriage and my mom yells at me for wasting money. They even told me it’s normal for a man to date around but he will automatically be faithful in the marriage because that’s how that works.

They put a non refundable 10k deposit for the venue and catering. They are now insisting I have to pay them back because I backed out of the wedding. I’ve told them I won’t and they been calling to me yell at me and so have the rest of my extended family.

S40CheckingAccount posted:

Mother (60F) persistent on wanting to buy a house with me (33M) and my wife (30F), but won't get a job to prevent homelessness.

The mother sounds, if nothing else, terrible with money. I wonder what the job market for her relevent degrees and experience is.

feedmegin posted:

For someone in their 60s? Not as easy as this guy thinks. More degrees does not equal just rolling into a better job.

Coca Koala posted:

I'm still trying to wrap my head around being sixty and liquidating your 401k to go to vet tech school. It's not a field that's known for great pay, even if you're not going into debt for the schooling it's not gonna be a great ROI if you're 60+

Farg posted:

you need to take marriage more seriously