r/relationships: there is only so much frogging a man can take

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > r/relationships: there is only so much frogging a man can take

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Propaniac: Nov 28, 2000; SUSHI ROULETTO!; College Slice

Posting this because I'm hoping someone can inform me whether the boyfriend is stupid or this is a legitimate career pursuit.

How do I support my boyfriend when he is disappointed? (F25,M24)

quote:

I (F25) have been with my boyfriend (M24) for a little over a year and a half. From the beginning, he has made it very clear that he has big aspirations for himself to be self-employed as a professional fisherman/angler. He is a big dreamer and he has a big heart, which is a lot of why I am drawn to him. However, he doesn't deal with failure well, and I am not sure how to support him during those moments.

He had a tournament at a local lake. He has competed before, but they were much smaller tournaments. Last year, I believe he competed in two that had much smaller attendees. Maybe 10-20 people signed up. In those tournaments, he placed second or third. For those being his first tournaments, it was a really good start. This tournament had 86 anglers, not to mention they could double dip in other tournaments that were being held on the same lake. He ended up getting skunked (not catching any fish) and has been in a state of rage today. I was trying to follow the leaderboard for a while, but it was taken down around 1, so I don't know how many people actually caught at least one fish. He didn't place very high, but from would I could see, less than 20% of the people signed up for the tournament he was in caught at least a fish.

For more context, he has been getting skunked a lot more since last summer. He puts a lot of time and money into the sport, and he feels like it'sall a waste. He has multiple set ups, many different types or lures and baits, and a relatively new Hobie 360 kayak. He wants to become a professional in this sport and make a living off it somehow. He did a practice round last week and was skunked again. He is on the verge of giving up, and the season hasn't even gone into full swing yet.

We live in the midwest, and a lot of the people he looks up to live in the south. The environment and climate is totally different, and I think he compares his experiences to ones he sees online. I have tried to remind him that he can't compare his story to others, and that social media is just a wasteland of only the good moments. We have discussions about how much hard work it is going to take, and that he is still really young and new to the sport. But I don't think us having those conversations is helping.

I want to support him and push him to keep going. He is so talented and he doesn't see it. He only sees his failures, and he lets those define him. He was a star athlete growing up, and though he faced adversity, I think this is the first time he is really being pushed outside of his comfort zone. I know men and women are so different when it comes to processing emotions and their needs in times of distress, but I don't know what to do for something like this. I want him to keep reaching for the stars and pursuing this big dream of his. I know I can't fix him, but I don't want him to feel alone anymore.

So I guess I just need advice on how to support my partner when they're going through their own personal struggles and fighting through adversity. I love him so much, and I love watching him purse his hobbies and dreams, but I don't want to see him give up so quickly.

# ? May 5, 2024 04:23

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# ? Jun 3, 2024 07:05

Jabor: Jul 16, 2010; #1 Loser at SpaceChem

quote:

and the season hasn't even gone into full swing yet.

Perhaps there's a reason these things are "seasonal" in the first place...

# ? May 5, 2024 04:30

Batterypowered7: Aug 8, 2009; The mist that chills you keeps me warm.

Was it bees or wasps that had made a hive on some swings and some goon decided to set it ablaze?

# ? May 5, 2024 04:32

Troublemaker: Mar 12, 2007

quote:

Farmer's Almanac - Solitary Bee Habitats

I actually have one of those in my garden! Five years or so now, and it's never been used. My yard is 3 acres with fruit trees, flowerbeds, tons of flowering plants, and a small vegetable patch, so I'd think I have enough to attract them, but all I ever get are paper wasps in the trees and the eaves of the house, carpenter bees in my deck and barn, and some kind of horrific little things that live underground around my pond. These dig a new home each year so it's always a surprise every spring when I stumble across their new nest and have to run like hell.

I do often see honeybees and bumble bees in my plants, so they must nest somewhere nearby; they just don't seem to be attracted to my bee hotel.

Troublemaker fucked around with this message at 04:38 on May 5, 2024

# ? May 5, 2024 04:35

S40CheckingAccount: Jan 14, 2024

Cythereal posted:

My [33 M] fiance is drowning in overdue child support, and I [31F] am thinking of leaving him.

(Update) My [33 M] fiance is drowning in overdue child support, and I [31F] am thinking of leaving him.

(Update 2) My [33 M] fiance is drowning in overdue child support, and I [31F] am thinking of leaving him.

How is a stay-at-home kind of guy so good at socializing that he can pick up a bartender at her job and marry her two weeks later?

# ? May 5, 2024 04:36

ApplesandOranges: Jun 22, 2012; Thankee kindly.

carrionman posted:

I've got 3 hives in my garden, have done for years.

99% of the time they're super chill, usually I'll work on them without a suit, I could get away without gloves too but I have major sensory issues with the feeling of them walking over my skin.

Biggest issue is the honey, on a good year I'll get an average of 50kg of honey per hive per year, I'll make mead, substitute it for sugar in cooking but it's still a lot.

I have had to fence them off due to having a toddler, but beyond that they're no drama at all.

Honestly curious, what happens if you don't harvest honey from beehives, what do the bees do with it

# ? May 5, 2024 04:37

Runcible Cat: May 28, 2007; Ignoring this post

S40CheckingAccount posted:

How is a stay-at-home kind of guy so good at socializing that he can pick up a bartender at her job and marry her two weeks later?

Alternatively, how psycho is the bartender that gets picked up by some random sofa surfer and marries him two weeks later?

# ? May 5, 2024 04:39

Roobanguy: May 31, 2011

Batterypowered7 posted:

Was it bees or wasps that had made a hive on some swings and some goon decided to set it ablaze?

it was bees.

# ? May 5, 2024 04:42

redshirt: Aug 11, 2007

Roobanguy posted:

it was bees.

The gently caress it was! It was wasps and you know it!

# ? May 5, 2024 04:43

Mx.: Dec 16, 2006; I'm a great fan! When I watch TV I'm always saying "That's political correctness gone mad!"
Why thankyew!

Troublemaker posted:

I actually have one of those in my garden! Five years or so now, and it's never been used. My yard is 3 acres with fruit trees, flowerbeds, tons of flowering plants, and a small vegetable patch, so I'd think I have enough to attract them, but all I ever get are paper wasps in the trees and the eaves of the house, carpenter bees in my deck and barn, and some kind of horrific little things that live underground around my pond. These dig a new home each year so it's always a surprise every spring when I stumble across their new nest and have to run like hell.

I do often see honeybees and bumble bees in my plants, so they must nest somewhere nearby; they just don't seem to be attracted to my bee hotel.

it's because the maid service is poo poo, I've seen the reviews

# ? May 5, 2024 04:46

big black turnout: Jan 13, 2009; Fallen Rib

The key to a successful bee hotel is building buzz

# ? May 5, 2024 04:48

Roobanguy: May 31, 2011

redshirt posted:

The gently caress it was! It was wasps and you know it!

i'm sorry....

https://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=2243176

# ? May 5, 2024 04:51

YggiDee: Sep 12, 2007; WASP CREW

once again a discussion about bees swerves back to anti-wasp propaganda :mad:

# ? May 5, 2024 04:54

Ghost Leviathan: Mar 2, 2017; Exploration is ill-advised.

S40CheckingAccount posted:

How is a stay-at-home kind of guy so good at socializing that he can pick up a bartender at her job and marry her two weeks later?

Runcible Cat posted:

Alternatively, how psycho is the bartender that gets picked up by some random sofa surfer and marries him two weeks later?

Probably a mix of psychotic break manic energy and asking literally anything that looks female until he finds someone also willing to make terrible decisions. That or he's a musician.

# ? May 5, 2024 05:08

haveblue: Aug 15, 2005; Toilet Rascal

ApplesandOranges posted:

Honestly curious, what happens if you don't harvest honey from beehives, what do the bees do with it

Feed it to their larva. Responsible beekeepers don�t take all the honey when they harvest

# ? May 5, 2024 05:19

Fred Dawes: May 10, 2009

Some people just can't bee respectful of our furry flying friends
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6jnecnhS-Z4

# ? May 5, 2024 05:20

big dyke energy: Jul 29, 2006; Football? Yaaaay

YggiDee posted:

once again a discussion about bees swerves back to anti-wasp propaganda

Tbh a wasp has never stung me, maybe everyone else just has bad vibes. Wasps are cool.

# ? May 5, 2024 05:52

Barudak: May 7, 2007

Ive only ever been stung by honeybees, once immediately following an adult saying "they dont sting for no reason!"

Take your stinging animal propaganda and rub it all over your face to get more youthful skin!!!

# ? May 5, 2024 06:04

Captain Hygiene: Sep 17, 2007; Can't post for 3 hours!

Barudak posted:

Ive only ever been stung by honeybees, once immediately following an adult saying "they dont sting for no reason!"

They're not wrong

# ? May 5, 2024 06:10

Kenshin: Jan 10, 2007

Barudak posted:

Ive only ever been stung by honeybees, once immediately following an adult saying "they dont sting for no reason!"

Sounds like you gave the bee a reason.

# ? May 5, 2024 06:12

moist banana bread: Dec 17, 2023; banana Jake!

Edit: lol that was paaaages ago. Honestly I'm bad at this.

Something about bees now.

moist banana bread fucked around with this message at 06:26 on May 5, 2024

# ? May 5, 2024 06:23

Mx.: Dec 16, 2006; I'm a great fan! When I watch TV I'm always saying "That's political correctness gone mad!"
Why thankyew!

yesterday i watched my dad's cat gently batting a bug for like, five minutes. i wandered over to see what it was, it was a bee.
i took him away from the bee before he could eat it

# ? May 5, 2024 06:27

Troublemaker: Mar 12, 2007

Bees rule, cats drool (after trying to eat a bee)

# ? May 5, 2024 06:33

moist banana bread: Dec 17, 2023; banana Jake!

Oh I am livid with this bitch, that one has to be made up.

quote:

Deep down I still love her but she also can't understand why I'm so upset. What should I do?

Uh because you married a psychopath????

moist banana bread fucked around with this message at 06:40 on May 5, 2024

# ? May 5, 2024 06:34

carrionman: Oct 30, 2010

ApplesandOranges posted:

Honestly curious, what happens if you don't harvest honey from beehives, what do the bees do with it

European honeybees have basically been bred to need harvesting like sheep need shearing, if you leave the honey in there they run out of room, then they can maybe decide to swarm and find a home with more room.
A swarming hive will not make you friends with your neighbors. Imagine 50-100k bees all deciding to make a tornado of insects usually at about 10am, then all buggering off.
Or they can get honeybound, where basically every available space is packed with honey, including where the queen should be laying her eggs, which means fewer bees, potentially so few that when winter hits they don't have the mass to keep warm and they all freeze to death.

Of course if you take too much honey then they starve in the cold, because that's their winter supplies, and a strong hive can eat a good kilo of honey a day if the weather is bad. I'll normally leave around 10kg for them for a winter.

# ? May 5, 2024 07:57

Hughlander: May 11, 2005

AITAH for not telling my parents that my adopted son was my biological son until there was a financial reason to do so?

quote:

My parents have never liked my oldest son Nathaniel. He was my godson and the child of my best friend and her wife.

My friend Sarah had been out and proud since she was 12. Her parents were super supportive and were the best allies I could imagine even before she told them.

Sarah and I went to middle school and became friends. I had a massive crush on her until she explained she was into girls. First I was confused then I accepted it and our friendship changed and got stronger.

My parents hated her. Not for breaking my heart or anything. Just because she was gay. I told them I wasn't going to stop being friends with her and that I would rather be friends with her than their kid if they tried to make me choose.

Fortunately for my parents Sarah and her family moved but we stayed in contact with email and MySpace. Out of sight out of mind for my parents.

Sarah and I both applied and we're accepted to the same college. Two years in we moved out of dorms and got an apartment together. She was the best wingperson ever.

Sorry for the backstory.

She met and married her wife. They needed a donor. I fit their criteria. I agreed so long as we had a contract that took any financial responsibility away from me. They agreed and I became uncle Kaiden. I was in their son's life from the moment he was born. Well not the moment. When he came out of the room not the birth canal.

I also became his father figure and godfather. We were going to tell him when he was old enough to understand.

Then I met my wife and got married. She knew the whole story because I didn't want her to think I would keep such important details of my life a secret. We have two children together.

I am LC with my parents for multiple reasons, their homophobia is low on the list of them if that gives you any idea how my parents are. They attended our wedding and have spent time with both of our kids. We did not deny them the opportunity to be grandparents. We just don't go out of our way to include them.

Sarah and her wife passed away in a boating accident. Nate was with Sarah's parents at the time. I became his guardian and adopted him ASAP. He was 12. I make sure he sees his relatives on both of his mothers' sides. I will continue to do so until he is old enough to go by himself. It has made for a confusing and bittersweet family. None of them knew I am not just his dad but also his father.

My parents on the other hand have always tried to exclude him. I have made it clear to them that he is my son and I won't put up with their poo poo. I also didn't tell them the truth because I was afraid they would tell him before we were ready.

We told Nate when he turned 16. He laughed and said he had figured it out a long time ago but was humoring me and his moms by pretending he didn't. He has always been a smartass. He also said he was more than happy with his two sets of grandparents and did not feel he was missing much with my folks. My wife's parents love him too.

It came to a head in February. My parents received an inheritance from my grandmother passing away. They don't need the money so they contacted me to see if they could put money into the kids education funds. I thanked them and agreed. I told them that they could send me the money and I would split it up into all three accounts. Nathaniel has a good fund that we topped off since we got money from his moms' insurance. We also rented out their old house and use that money for expenses. My wife and I both work and have pretty decent accounts for our kids. But extra money won't hurt.

My parents said that they only wanted me to split it two ways. Just my kids with my wife would be getting money. I then said thanks but no thanks. I would not be excluding one of my kids because they were terrible people.

They ended up opening accounts by themselves for my kids. Nothing I can do about that.

My grandparents also set up a trust fund for their descendants to draw from when they turn 18. It isn't a lot of money but every little bit helps these days.

Nate is graduating next year so we submitted the paperwork to get him that money. My uncle is one of the trustees and he told my parents and they freaked out that I never told them that Nate was my kid. I take them they were assholes because they knew I adopted him and that fact alone made him my kid. Huge argument. "YOU KNOW WHAT WE MEAN. HOW COULD YOU KEEP HIM FROM US". Blah blah blah. I said that for five years they have always behaved badly towards him even though he was my son why would I include them more in his life.

They are saying that they will sue for grandparents rights. I laughed in their faces. I literally have a letter from them saying that they do not consider him their grandchild.

As I said we are LC with them but my sisters both think I am being overly cruel even though they also see our parents very little.

I think my son didn't miss much by not interacting with people that absolutely would have said lovely things about his original parents.

If you guessed he was the only male grandchild... YOU'RE RIGHT!

# ? May 5, 2024 08:28

Malachite_Dragon: Mar 31, 2010; Weaving Merry Christmas magic

Eat poo poo, grandparents.

Speaking of poo poo family, it was brought up in another thread, does anyone have that post of an OP sussing out which friend/family member was feeding info to their lovely parents by giving fake info to various family members and seeing what filtered to them, and one of the people they gave fake info to got all pissy because they were lied to? I'd search for it myself but I'm phone posting

# ? May 5, 2024 09:23

Pope Hilarius II: Nov 10, 2008

S40CheckingAccount posted:

How is a stay-at-home kind of guy so good at socializing that he can pick up a bartender at her job and marry her two weeks later?

Perhaps because he has 0 standards.

I can recall a few friends who were extremely successful at picking up women because they had this going on + being conventionally pretty attractive.

# ? May 5, 2024 09:55

YerDa Zabam: Aug 13, 2016

S40CheckingAccount posted:

How is a stay-at-home kind of guy so good at socializing that he can pick up a bartender at her job and marry her two weeks later?

Booze.

Maybe booze and drugs.

He sounds so awful he maybe has some sort of personality disorder too. That's being unfair to the average borderline person though, he is in a totally different league.

All this bee chat reminds me of when I got stung on the balls, three times, by a hornet that flew up my 1970s flares (I assume)
I hurt so bad, I thought I'd been struck by some sort of invisible lightning or something, at least until I found a dying hornet in underpants.
I had to walk like some sort of bow legged mini-cowboy for a week after the pain stayed so long.
Aye, gimme bees any days, wasps even, but gently caress those horny hornet bastards.

YerDa Zabam fucked around with this message at 11:32 on May 5, 2024

# ? May 5, 2024 10:21

dervival: Apr 23, 2014

Barudak posted:

Ive only ever been stung by honeybees, once immediately following an adult saying "they dont sting for no reason!"

Take your stinging animal propaganda and rub it all over your face to get more youthful skin!!!

have you ever considered the honeybees thought you had bad vibes

# ? May 5, 2024 11:12

Barudak: May 7, 2007

dervival posted:

have you ever considered the honeybees thought you had bad vibes

Cats also inexplicably hate me so Ive long ago decided that ~~the world is full of odd quirks~~ I must purge this world of creatures that refuse to kneel before my dominion

# ? May 5, 2024 11:32

Sekenr: Dec 12, 2013

Shanghaied posted:

Another one from the OP lol:

The weekend before finals, I stayed up until about 1:30 AM to study for my Philosophy Final Exam. I ended up flunking the final exam. Now I feel super miserable because I lost 2 hours of sleep just to get an F.

He spent nearly 5 hours, FIVE HOURS (ALMOST), I can't understand why he didn't pass!

I need to know how this exam went. What was asked and what did he answer :allears:

# ? May 5, 2024 11:48

bee: Dec 17, 2008; Do you often sing or whistle just for fun?

Troublemaker posted:

Bees rule, cats drool (after trying to eat a bee)

drat right

# ? May 5, 2024 13:22

Xun: Apr 25, 2010

Why is a 2:2 grade at university, generally seen as poor?

quote:

I am just about to graduate. I honestly did not understand grades etc at university and I mostly only went cause I did not want to miss out on the potential friends, parties, relationships that could have occurred. Currently on track for a 2:2.

I was always under the impression if you get 50% and above at university, that's a great mark. I am now being told that I am apparently below average and I am in the bottom percentage. This is quite frankly very embarrassing and I am only realising the potential importance of a 2:1 or above at university.

I still put in effort and had a great social life. Why is a 2:2 generally seen as poor?

# ? May 5, 2024 14:14

Mx.: Dec 16, 2006; I'm a great fan! When I watch TV I'm always saying "That's political correctness gone mad!"
Why thankyew!

you know what they say, P's make degrees

# ? May 5, 2024 14:15

mystes: May 31, 2006

Xun posted:

Why is a 2:2 grade at university, generally seen as poor?

Can someone translate this into American?

# ? May 5, 2024 14:17

Serene Dragon: Mar 31, 2011

mystes posted:

Can someone translate this into American?

It's a little hard to directly compare to an American GPA but it's a C grade degree, so probably a little under a 3.0? It's still a passing degree but it's not a great one.

# ? May 5, 2024 14:23

Xun: Apr 25, 2010

mystes posted:

Can someone translate this into American?

Grade wise they're in the bottom 20% of graduating students basically

# ? May 5, 2024 14:29

The Alchemist: Dec 12, 2010

S40CheckingAccount posted:

Some awfully notable walking back and worsening in the latter half of this one

"I never told her she couldn't get lunch made, I just heard my husband telling her and assumed she didn't want it when she never asked again"

The kids are the assholes, they should eat their stomachs full during the free lunch that is arranged by the school and kindergarten

# ? May 5, 2024 14:32

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# ? Jun 3, 2024 07:05

Shanghaied: Oct 12, 2004; BIG PAD

Serene Dragon posted:

It's a little hard to directly compare to an American GPA but it's a C grade degree, so probably a little under a 3.0? It's still a passing degree but it's not a great one.

A C is typically 70%, no? An E or pass is 60% in the US and elsewhere, although some countries and programmes have 50% for Es.

IIRC in the British system a 2:2 is 50 - 59%, so basically barely-passing-to-fail in other systems.

# ? May 5, 2024 14:47

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > r/relationships: there is only so much frogging a man can take

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