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mystes posted:I would in fact expect an adult to make minimal efforts to protect the feelings of a child they don't know at least to the extent of saying "hey maybe they shouldn't be in the room for this"? come on, how traumatic is it actually for a stranger they've never met to say "i don't know this kid, i'm not related to them, stop calling me about them"? the fault lies on the office staff and the dipshit parent listing people as emergency contacts without their knowledge or consent. if this is such a sensitive topic then the office staff should have brought them to a closed room where the conversation could be had confidentially.
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May 6, 2024 20:20
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Cats in the cradle, etc., etc.
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May 6, 2024 20:20
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the holy poopacy posted:I spent a ton of time helping 2 employees who hate each other … now they’re dating
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May 6, 2024 20:22
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Someone trying to paddle back to the boat they recently jumped off of. My wife left me after she got in shape and now wants to get back together quote:I(32M) was married to my wife(33F) for 4 years and we had a great marriage so far. I was madly in love with my wife. She fell into depression mainly due to her job in 2022. I tried to support her in every way and suggested her going to gym or doing any kind of sports to destress. I had my own depression episode before we got married and what saved me was going to gym. She agreed to that and we started going there together. I could not go as frequent as in the past since my workload got heavier after my promotion. However, I tried my best to be there with her. She used to be a bit chubby(which I loved) and after seeing some changes with her body, she started to go there regularly. It also helped her with depression and she got better. I was really happy to see her get better and livelier. She looked more confident, got more aggressive in bed and so on. The only missing is the ex trying the "actually, this whole 'divorce' thing was a test" maneuver. Also, OP, your in-laws have your ex's interests at heart and not yours. Ignore them.
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May 6, 2024 20:35
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“I only settled for you, I can do so much better” feels like something you can’t really come back from, no matter how much you try
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May 6, 2024 20:38
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Cacator posted:Was the boy named Sue? No, I think he was probably named Cat's Cradle.
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May 6, 2024 20:44
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FMguru posted:I suggested we go to a marriage counselor and hell broke loose. That's really my 'no going back' point in a story like that - if a partner is thinking about leaving or that they're settling on me or something like that, well people are allowed to have feelings, and one of the points of couples therapy is to handle feelings that may hurt to talk about. But if they completely reject the idea of going to a therapist, blow up with the emotions at me instead, and then separate and go NC, it's clear that there's nothing left to the relationship. It might be possible to make a new relationship (though I wouldn't really consider anything more than friendship or cooperative co-parenting), but the old relationship has clearly been demolished and the foundation burnt to the ground at that point. The Maroon Hawk posted:“I only settled for you, I can do so much better” feels like something you can’t really come back from, no matter how much you try I think it depends on context - if it's something you bring up in therapy or couples therapy in the style of "I'm having these emotions, I need to work through them", then it's something that can be sorted through. Throwing it at someone while walking out the door is a definite "no going back" though. EDIT: Also in this case it's seems really likely that it wasn't "I sorted through these unfair feelings and now we can move forward" but "I chased super-buff guy and it didn't go well, you're my backup plan". Pantaloon Pontiff fucked around with this message at 20:57 on May 6, 2024 |
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May 6, 2024 20:50
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FMguru posted:She said vile things to me like how she realized she settled down with me after getting better and she could do much better than me. She said I am insecure and other things. "I settled for you and can do better. Also why are you so insecure?"
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May 6, 2024 20:58
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If someone tells you the relationship is over it's over. The Fakeup is abusive poo poo. I don't want or need to break up over and over. I'm just not gonna take you back after you do it. Play stupid games, give me the prize of no longer having to deal with your BS.
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May 6, 2024 21:11
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limp_cheese posted:Has anyone told OP it's hosed up she referred to her friends in the story not with names, but as "The Twink" and "The Daddy"? Yeah, this was posted in a previous thread and I believe there was follow-up from one of the guys who found the post and was adamant that they were in no way gay or bisexual and that the OOP had written some really graphic poo poo about them. Both guys dumped her as a friend.
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May 6, 2024 21:16
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FMguru posted:Upon rereading, the thing that jumped out at me was the way OP kept going on about how "his generation" didn't know any other way to raise a kid, like he had just gotten back from WWII and Ozzie and Harriet were on TV. Except, if his kid is starting his post-college life right now, he was probably born after 2000, which makes dad a millennial (or, at the very latest, a genexer) and, uh, no those generations were not mainly raised by hard-rear end drill sergeants yelling "the more you cry, the less I care!" and "keep that up and I'll give you something to really cry about". op could have had his kid in his 30's, so he'd have been born anywhere from late 60's to 70's and lol if you're under the impression that men raised from like 1965 through 1990 weren't fully bashed with the toxic masculinity bat as children edit: not to excuse the terrible father as being a giant dumbass and an rear end in a top hat
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May 6, 2024 21:29
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FMguru posted:Upon rereading, the thing that jumped out at me was the way OP kept going on about how "his generation" didn't know any other way to raise a kid, like he had just gotten back from WWII and Ozzie and Harriet were on TV. Except, if his kid is starting his post-college life right now, he was probably born after 2000, which makes dad a millennial (or, at the very latest, a genexer) and, uh, no those generations were not mainly raised by hard-rear end drill sergeants yelling "the more you cry, the less I care!" and "keep that up and I'll give you something to really cry about". The dad was raised by Boomers. They were too busy having fun and making money to raise their kid. "Parents were both busy or working that they didn't have time to spend all their time with their kids or be heavily involved."
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May 6, 2024 22:39
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Someone in the comments posted the question "If your son succeeded because you raised him without comfort or warmth then what excuse do you have for not being a success?"
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May 6, 2024 22:53
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I missed "My son hates me" dad earlier, his upbringing sounds familiar to me as a Gen-Xer. My parents weren't too 'busy or working' (they both worked but made plenty of time for us), but I had friends who were, and stories about the phenomenon of 'latchkey kids' were common when I was growing up. No excuse for not letting his kid be a kid or bonding with him though. You don't need 'all the money in the world' to go somewhere with kids, things like camping and visiting parks and beaches is a lot of fun for kids and don't have to cost an arm and a leg, and it's pretty clear that he didn't give the kid a chance for entertainment or try to bond with his kid.
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May 6, 2024 23:11
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Would be funny/sad if it turns out he could have helped his son through college financially, but just didn't. Especially if he has money inherited from his terrible boomer parents. Kinda interesting that the son is still close to the mother, but I guess she seemed like an amazing parent compared to the dad. Red Rox fucked around with this message at 23:15 on May 6, 2024 |
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May 6, 2024 23:13
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mystes posted:Even though OP is saying that the kid is a complete stranger, I also have to wonder, would OP have felt OK with "going off" about the situation in front of a kid who was actually a total stranger rather than a half sibling they had never met? Yes? Why not? What the gently caress are you talking about? There isn't even any indication in the story that the kid was actually traumatized in any way, Mom 5 just said they were afterwards in a phone call as part of an attempt to force her big happy dream delusion family together. What is this, the fourth time this week you've dug your heels into the dumbest possible position and insisted on a drawn-out argument with the rest of the thread? AITA for telling my stepdad feeding his kids is not my problem and so what when he tried to say they would go hungry? quote:My mom had a major surgery two weeks ago. She's still in the hospital and won't be home for another few weeks yet. I (16m) am home with my stepdad and my half brother and sister since my dad isn't in the picture. But my half siblings go to our grandparents during the day and my stepdad picks them up after work. Sometimes he will keep them with our grandparents for a few extra hours if he's visiting mom and stuff. I wonder if this cruel heartless monster would so casually condemn stranger children to starve to death, or if he's just letting his anger at their father let him feel righteously justified.
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May 6, 2024 23:25
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AITAH for treating MIL like she treats me?quote:I (F40s) have been married to my husband (M 40s) for over 20 years. We have 3 kids and a pretty good life. My MIL has always been kind but makes little passive aggressive and aggressive aggressive comments here and there. Someone always makes an excuse for her behaviours and there has never been any accountability. I am the one that tends to host events for the families, puts in the time and effort and is always there when needed. Recently during a visit my MIL asked my husband if he and the kids would like to go on a special FAMILY trip out of country and that his siblings would be going to and possibly their children. My husband says that we might be interested and a vacay for our family of 5 could be just what we needed after some recent stressful events. His mom then says “no, just OUR family” looks at me and says “the other in-laws aren’t joining”. Right away I was upset, I said that my family would not be going on a FAMILY vacation without me. Again she reiterates that it’s just for HER family. I started crying (I couldn’t help it). My husband changed the subject and I excused myself from the table. My husband is pretty passive but did bring it up to his mother a little while later telling her that what she said/did was very hurtful and rude. All she responded with was “well we don’t know if we are going anymore”. Fast forward a couple months and I come to find out that they and siblings are going on the trip but decided to not bring it up to us again. At this point I wouldn’t go if you paid me to but I’m still pissed off by the whole thing. Now the AITAH comes along… I have been keeping my distance and told my husband I want a break from them. That I don’t want them in my space and I’ve cancelled all family gatherings that are normally held at my home. We have two graduations coming up and I will not be inviting them. Mother’s Day is this week and I will not be acknowledging it towards her (her son can but I will not go out of my way). My husband thinks I should let it go because “that’s just the way she is” but I’m sick of it. That said, am I becoming the AH by cutting contact and putting my husband in the middle? The audacity of the MIL is baffling. Seems like this lady has more than MIL problems. She has husband problems as well.
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May 6, 2024 23:27
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Red Rox posted:
I had this vibe going with my parents for a while--cool with Mom, loathed Dad for how he behaved during my childhood/teen years. It kinda felt like it was us (kids and Mom) against him for a long time. A few years back some stuff happened and it dawned on me that, for all her good traits, she 100% allowed him to be a dick to us kids. Even though she was the organized one, the one who raised the kids and ran the household and did all the menial labor AND kept a steady job (Dad flitted from one poorly-thought-out venture to another, and always had Mom doing the bookkeeping and other boring parts of his terrible business ideas) she still treated him as the boss, the final decision maker. She was educated and employed, not trapped in the marriage--it's like he was her third, helpless child that had to be coddled and taken care of, but also The Man in the marriage, so of course we all need to be the bigger person and just take what he dished out. She did seem like an amazing parent, compared to Dad. I wonder if that's what's happening here with the OP or if I'm just trying to see something familiar.
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May 6, 2024 23:37
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Lottery of Babylon posted:
I don't think kids starve to death by having a late dinner. How are 10 and 11 year olds incapable of putting a TV dinner in the microwave, or making a cheese sandwich, or whatever.
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May 6, 2024 23:48
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AITA for fighting with my wife about the lights in our house?quote:My wife and I are 23, and we’ve been together for 6 years. We moved in together about 4 years ago and never really had overhead lighting in our apartments. I knew she hated lamps for some reason, so we never really had our lamps on either. We moved into our house together 2 years ago and installed overhead recessed lights about 6 months ago. They’re great! They really bring life into the house. That being said… I often walk into our living room and see her hanging out in there after work or on the weekends with no lights on at all. It looks very dreary! Try this yourself to see where I’m coming from. Try to hang out in your living room after work around 5pm with no lights on in the house, or any time throughout the day on a weekend. We have a pretty open floor plan so she doesn’t like any lights on in any room basically. We have “fought” about this many times since we installed the recessed lights. It gets under my skin that the house looks so dreary, and it gets under her skin that I want the lights on so bad when she doesn’t. It was actually a blessing in disguise because through talking about it, we realized that she has photophobia and dry eye, which cause high sensitivity to light. For her whole life she thought this was just normal. We are treating it now and her quality of life has changed a lot for the better! That being said, she still likes the lights off... Something else to mention is that these are LED lights, which don’t use much electricity at all, so it’s not a money thing. She just prefers the lights off. She mentioned that it might be her brain being trained to hate the lights on her whole life because it always hurt. I keep instigating fights about this, but she makes me out to be the rear end in a top hat. What is the answer here… lights on, or lights off? Again… try it yourself!… Veryyyy dreary.
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May 6, 2024 23:51
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Hellblazer187 posted:I don't think kids starve to death by having a late dinner. The 10 and 11 year olds are likely raised by a guy who is also incapable of putting a TV dinner in the microwave or making a cheese sandwich or whatever It is always surprising how willfully useless men have made themselves within their homes and it is always worse than you could imagine.
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May 6, 2024 23:55
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WHO THE gently caress SAYS DREARY MORE THAN ONCE A WEEK OR SO?!?
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May 7, 2024 00:03
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Mordiceius posted:AITA for fighting with my wife about the lights in our house? YTA. Yeah buddy, no one reading this has ever sat in the dark before.
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May 7, 2024 00:03
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So anyway I keep instigating fights because fights aren't dreary.
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May 7, 2024 00:05
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jokes posted:The 10 and 11 year olds are likely raised by a guy who is also incapable of putting a TV dinner in the microwave or making a cheese sandwich or whatever I guess but that seems insane and impossible. Like I can kinda understand not wanting a 10 year old to use a stove unsupervised but c'mon. Get the kids some hot pockets they'll be fine. Or like, uncrustables. Or protein bars. Or all of those and they have a choice. If you're ambulatory you can feed yourself something simple it's not that hard.
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May 7, 2024 00:07
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Just keep turning the lights on until she gets used to it, done
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May 7, 2024 00:08
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3D Megadoodoo posted:WHO THE gently caress SAYS DREARY MORE THAN ONCE A WEEK OR SO?!? Depends on how weak and weary they are, I suppose. And if they're up at midnight to take notice of it.
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May 7, 2024 00:08
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3D Megadoodoo posted:WHO THE gently caress SAYS DREARY MORE THAN ONCE A WEEK OR SO?!? I generally say it once upon a midnight e: gently caress, that tab was open for a bit
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May 7, 2024 00:10
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Also what is "hanging out in the living room"? If the TV is on then the lights are off, goes without saying.
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May 7, 2024 00:12
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I like to think the light guy is one of those insane people I see who use fluorescent or white LEDs in their living room I personally can't stand any overhead lights on in my house unless I'm having company over. Softly lit lamps 4ever
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May 7, 2024 00:12
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Gwely Mernans posted:I like to think the light guy is one of those insane people I see who use fluorescent or white LEDs in their living room So... red or green, then?
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May 7, 2024 00:14
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Gwely Mernans posted:I like to think the light guy is one of those insane people I see who use fluorescent or white LEDs in their living room The odd thing is - he mentions "I knew she hated lamps for some reason" and I'm wondering if he means ones that are bright as gently caress or more subtle moody lamps or all of the above? My wife and I loving hate overhead lights (they're homophobic) and have ample lamps that give off soft amber glows. Makes everything just pleasant. Not dreary at all!
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May 7, 2024 00:14
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Look, I have Seasonal Affect Disorder, so I totally and 1000% get "Every light must be on our else oh god please make it stop." so I have no problem with him whatsoever.
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May 7, 2024 00:21
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My apartment has a drop ceiling and harsh retail-style panel lighting (and every single bulb is a different temperature, somehow) and I pretend it doesn't exist, I have lamps for days. It's way more pleasant and also de-emphasizes the terrible concrete floor that looks like it came out of somebody's lovely old garage. Sometimes someone will come over and turn on the overhead lighting in the bathroom and I am filled with RAGE, but just try explaining to someone why they shouldn't be using your lights, it can't be done
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May 7, 2024 00:28
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Install a dimmer and find a happy medium, OP
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May 7, 2024 00:30
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Have lights on or not, as long as you can see what you are doing I guess. I prefer some lighting in the evening or in dark rooms. I hate watching TV in the dark unless I'm going to bed.
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May 7, 2024 00:31
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artsy fartsy posted:My apartment has a drop ceiling and harsh retail-style panel lighting (and every single bulb is a different temperature, somehow) and I pretend it doesn't exist, I have lamps for days. It's way more pleasant and also de-emphasizes the terrible concrete floor that looks like it came out of somebody's lovely old garage. …John Fetterman?
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May 7, 2024 00:33
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The Maroon Hawk posted:…John Fetterman? I googled that name but it didn't help
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May 7, 2024 00:35
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artsy fartsy posted:I had this vibe going with my parents for a while--cool with Mom, loathed Dad for how he behaved during my childhood/teen years. It kinda felt like it was us (kids and Mom) against him for a long time. I think you're right - she shares some responsibility here but probably just looks ok in comparison.
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May 7, 2024 00:36
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artsy fartsy posted:My apartment has a drop ceiling and harsh retail-style panel lighting (and every single bulb is a different temperature, somehow) and I pretend it doesn't exist, I have lamps for days. It's way more pleasant and also de-emphasizes the terrible concrete floor that looks like it came out of somebody's lovely old garage.
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May 7, 2024 00:36
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