pencilhands posted:

Selachian posted:

Stultus Maximus posted:

When I had LASIK surgery, I smelled what reminded me of burning hair. I quickly put two and two together (corneas and hair are both made of keratin). Since they had me whacked out on valium, it was more amusing than anything. I remarked "I think I smell burning eyeball." The nurse said "oh, the machine just makes a burning smell..." but the doctor cut her off "we tell people that to make them calm but since you guessed it, yeah it's eyeball."

EasyEW posted:

ronya posted:

did family cars in this period have pick-up-and-move detachable seats?

ronya posted:

...
Yeah but... how did that work? Wouldn't the seat just slide forward whenever you braked?

Darthemed posted:

Learning that Archie was actually funny once upon a time is maybe the most surprising thing I've experienced in the history of these megathreads.

Retail

Darthemed posted:

Retail

Zaroff posted:

Maybe I’m missing something, but surely they’re going to have significantly bigger legal problems once it gets out that they’ve been saving their customers’ credit card and PIN details (and more) and THEN got hacked?

I thought that’s the kind of thing stores should never retain…

Vox Valentine posted:

EasyEW posted:

Flaked on the night shift (), but you don't get out of Olive & Popeye that easily.

riderchop posted:

Heathcliff

riderchop posted:

On The Fastrack

Darthemed posted:

Dinette

quote:

No. 5-THE BILLY OF VIOLET AND DREAMS, AND THE BETTY OF SCARLET

THIS is the Blessed Billy of Violet, and he dreams, dreams all the days. And the dreams he dreams are like the wine-like light that comes through the stained windows of a church and touches the faces and the marble of the floor with romance.

This Billy makes a little of the crinkley green and twinkling gold-enough to buy eatin's, and the things that are comfy to sit in and fine to look upon, and teetering stacks of soft bound books with the glint of gilding upon their backs and the thin edges of their ivory leaves.

And these things, with the blue sky and the singing hills and the sun, are enough for the Billy o' dreams.

Chests of gold coins that he might look in upon are just nothing to this Billy, unless maybe they might make him think of the Forty Thieves that tells a tale between greenbacks on the shelf above his grate.

And Power! Betty Angelface, he flips his long fingers at that and goes a-dreaming.

Lady folk are wonderful to him all the days he lives, but he is a One-woman Man; and it would be very fine and wonderful to be the One Lady of this Blessed Billy.

The Sky's Peace in His Heart.

He is all content. He lifts his face to the sky and smiles always; and his heart seems to hold the sky's quiet and dreaming, and its wise silence and utter peace.

He never tears him along on nervous, worried legs, with his brows scrutched up and his mouth tight. He only smiles and walks in all serenity. Sometimes good things go skipping by, and when this Billy gets to the edge and reaches out his long hand to grip it, it mocks him from blocks away and his hand shuts on sunshine.

The Billy of Purple and gold would shout to the skies and pour ashes on his head, but this Billy reached for it anyway because some other Billy told him it was good-it wasn't a big thing to him. And so he smiles and strolls him away with the sunshine that he shut his hand upon, and forgets.

This Billy's books glint down at him with their rows after rows of gilded backs from all four walls of his place where he blows the thin blue rings above his head and dreams and works. And his hands love the feel of the soft backs of them, and the flutter of the leaves, and the tales they tell. Fairy stories and the romance of knighthood, and the old days and mighty deeds delight his heart as though he might still be a child.

And he grows old with his face still turning often to the sky, and still a dreaming, and in all content.

And the stars tell that for this Billy o' Violet and Dreams is the Betty of scarlet. She is scarlet-in-the-sun. She is a poppy, gay in the wind and the noontime.

She can't walk like any real Lady Betty should walk. She skips and hops on one foot and then the other. She runs, when there is some one thing she must have; and quick!

She is all bright motion, and she tips up her chin and shakes her head when she laughs.

She pouts when the sun goes gray under a cloud, and when it comes all pale gold again she beats her palms one against the other and sings, "Oh, ho! I am the very happiest one in all the world!"

She is changeable as the wind and the sea. She loves all life, in no content and peace, but wildly, with singing and tears and laughter.

She would love all the books of Billy because he liked them so; but for her own self-Oh, ho! Only the ones whose tales pleased her. The others she would pull up her soft shoulders to her ears at!

Might Make Him Hurry, Sometimes.

She would tease this Billy into tempers and then laugh at him. She would excite and chatter him into sometimes hurrying with all his serene feet. She would lure him away from his dreaming and his ivory-leaved books so that he would learn to laugh with all the Billys and the Bettys that this Scarlet Betty of his of the gay heart would-beguile around her.

And if he would not come she would beg, perhaps, with curls and kisses and patting hands; and some other times she would call him a beast and grab his book away from him and jam it in its place, with a shake of her fist at it, and hustle him away by the sleeve to laugh and do the thing she wanted him to do.

For the Billy o' Dreams and Violet there is the Betty of Scarlet-the changeable Betty of the wind and the sea; or she would save him from dreaming himself into a grub, and perhaps she would teach him to laugh and catch a car, sometimes.

Haifisch posted:

Mexikid Stories

Poil posted:

Considering what a tech bro simp he is I am honestly surprised the author isn't into crypto.

Julet Esqu posted:

Luann

Pancho Jueves posted:

Pluggers

Pancho Jueves posted:

Pluggers

The_Other posted:

The Blood Egg Part 2 Nice fight scene.

riderchop posted:

For Better or For Worse

JethroMcB posted:

Oh no, I've related to two Pluggers in a row. I can feel myself aging with each knowing nod of agreement.

Poil posted:

Considering what a tech bro simp he is I am honestly surprised the author isn't into crypto.

F_Shit_Fitzgerald posted:

Not knowing what you're doing can often last long after you've finished college.