r/relationships: SPRAYING A FRAGRANCE ON MY PENIS

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > r/relationships: SPRAYING A FRAGRANCE ON MY PENIS

Desert Bus: May 9, 2004; Take 1 tablet by mouth daily.

Hughlander posted:

Skipping most of the content for thread rule reasons but...

Devin! my ex who cheated on me with my mom and received gonorrhea from her.

Devin! my ex who cheated on me with my mom and received gonorrhea from her. Update: even though it has almost been 8 years, Devin has not changed. -

Don't go chasing down the original unless you want bummers just keep with mocking Devin.

This is a hard read don't google it and if you do have fun figuring out the correct order of the 10? posts this person made. If it's fake it's well done and still oooof. Between the content and having to navigate Reddit this isn't a fun read.

EDIT: it is an engaging read so if you can handle it? why not

# ? May 12, 2024 07:48

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# ? Jun 1, 2024 12:46

Hughlander: May 11, 2005

Desert Bus posted:

This is a hard read don't google it and if you do have fun figuring out the correct order of the 10? posts this person made. If it's fake it's well done and still oooof. Between the content and having to navigate Reddit this isn't a fun read.

EDIT: it is an engaging read so if you can handle it? why not

I did preface it with that and then postfixed it as well... So that's on you!

# ? May 12, 2024 07:54

Desert Bus: May 9, 2004; Take 1 tablet by mouth daily.

Hughlander posted:

I did preface it with that and then postfixed it as well... So that's on you!

Entirely on me.

# ? May 12, 2024 08:14

Moon Slayer: Jun 19, 2007

Man gets ready to try One Weird Trick, is fortunately talked out of it in the comments.

How dumb is it to intentionally lose my house to foreclosure?

quote:

In Virginia.

Caught my fiancé cheating on me and am pulling the plug.

I own the house and she’s never paid a bill, but this is her mailing address. We’ve fought to the point of breaking up before in the past and, during those fights, she made clear her intention to squat for 6-12 months of if I try to evict her and steal all my stuff.

Under different circumstances, I would just evict and move on. But she is physically abusive and I know 1000% I will not be alive by the time she has to leave unless I get out.

She has nowhere to go (dude she’s cheating with is a now married ex of hers) and she has no one to help her. I don’t care anymore about any of that, she made her (ex’s) bed, just saying it to support the fact that I know she isn’t leaving this house willingly. But, when she finally figures out she’s screwed I know she’s going to come for me.

I have family in another state. I am considering moving in with them, stopping payments on the house (saving it for when I have to pay it back) and intentionally taking the massive financial hit of foreclosure and losing absolutely everything just to get out with my life.

I’ve had the house a year and saw that deficiency fees are 5-7% ($17k-$30k, didn’t do the math just guessing). I can manage that plus whatever hit to my already bad credit.

Obviously can’t afford an attorney right now and even if I could I won’t be in VA.

I bought the house for us and her two kids so I don’t need or even want it after this. I can’t live in this state anymore now anyway out of fear.

I know this is nuking my own life, but I don’t see any other options. I have a decent job and think I can recover in a few years.

My questions are:
- what else should I be preparing for if I do this?
- is it illegal to just save the money to help pay my foreclosure debt instead of paying the mortgage?

And yeah, before anyone asks, once I’m safe and all is said and done, I’m finding ex’s wife and sending her the screenshots.

EDIT: Found out like 3 hours ago and it’s her daughter’s birthday so my bad for not doing the math or not thinking clearly. My life is destroyed and I’m focusing on how to make sure it doesn’t end and I can still come back from it.

Also, I don’t care to ever own a house again. I’m fine renting. Not worried about what this means to future partners, creditors, etc. I need just need out.

# ? May 12, 2024 10:00

Irisi: Feb 18, 2009

Wicked Them Beats posted:

Figures I'm finding for the UK say he's below the median for household income. He beats the median individual income.

But context matters. I'd assume his income doesn't let you live anywhere that isn't rat-infested in the heart of London, but is probably a comfortable amount if he's somewhere more rural.

�25K anywhere in the UK these days isn't much to shout about, given the cost of rent/petrol/food. Unless he is very lucky and has a landlord that hasn't increased his rent since pre-Covid, he'll be paying about 40% of his salary for a room in a house share if he's in a city.

Rent up here in Glasgow and its' outlying towns (many of which had been traditionally very cheap places to rent or buy) have almost doubled since 2010, while wages have stagnated, and that pattern has repeated all over the UK. They are building like crazy, but it is either cramped studio-flat complexes exclusively marketed to students in the city centres, or giant 5-bed new builds on the rural outskirts that start at �400,000.

Either way, if you're on �25K as a full time worker, you ain't getting either of them. Housing in the UK is hosed.

# ? May 12, 2024 11:06

Fil5000: Jun 23, 2003; HOLD ON GUYS I'M POSTING ABOUT INTERNET ROBOTS

Irisi posted:

�25K anywhere in the UK these days isn't much to shout about, given the cost of rent/petrol/food. Unless he is very lucky and has a landlord that hasn't increased his rent since pre-Covid, he'll be paying about 40% of his salary for a room in a house share if he's in a city.

Rent up here in Glasgow and its' outlying towns (many of which had been traditionally very cheap places to rent or buy) have almost doubled since 2010, while wages have stagnated, and that pattern has repeated all over the UK. They are building like crazy, but it is either cramped studio-flat complexes exclusively marketed to students in the city centres, or giant 5-bed new builds on the rural outskirts that start at �400,000.

Either way, if you're on �25K as a full time worker, you ain't getting either of them. Housing in the UK is hosed.

It's absolutely mad. In 2018 I was able to get a two bedroom flat in a nice bit of Nottingham for �625 a month. Now you'll pay �200 more than that, you MIGHT get a one bed for the same price. �25k a year means you're taking home about �1.800 (as long as you're not paying into a pension, which you should be but I get why you might not on that salary). It's like... call centre supervisor level of money while the OP is on mid ranking civil servant money. I cannot imagine being on anything less than six figures and bothering with a prenup, what does this guy think is going to happen to him?

# ? May 12, 2024 11:36

Runcible Cat: May 28, 2007; Ignoring this post

Fil5000 posted:

It's absolutely mad. In 2018 I was able to get a two bedroom flat in a nice bit of Nottingham for �625 a month. Now you'll pay �200 more than that, you MIGHT get a one bed for the same price. �25k a year means you're taking home about �1.800 (as long as you're not paying into a pension, which you should be but I get why you might not on that salary). It's like... call centre supervisor level of money while the OP is on mid ranking civil servant money. I cannot imagine being on anything less than six figures and bothering with a prenup, what does this guy think is going to happen to him?

It's his mum wants the prenup.

# ? May 12, 2024 11:42

YerDa Zabam: Aug 13, 2016

Are prenups even a thing here in the UK?

# ? May 12, 2024 11:45

Fil5000: Jun 23, 2003; HOLD ON GUYS I'M POSTING ABOUT INTERNET ROBOTS

YerDa Zabam posted:

Are prenups even a thing here in the UK?

I mean there's nothing stopping you from making one but it's only going to be as enforcable as existing precendent allows it to be. You might try saying "I will not pay any child support if we have any kids" but if it goes to court a judge will go "nah, you're paying the government specified amount for your salary". Which is basically what I understand the situation to be with prenups in general, you can't sign away your existing legal protections.

# ? May 12, 2024 11:48

Josef bugman: Nov 17, 2011; Pictured: Poster prepares to celebrate Holy Communion (probablY)

This avatar made possible by a gift from the Religionthread Posters Relief Fund

Irisi posted:

�25K anywhere in the UK these days isn't much to shout about, given the cost of rent/petrol/food. Unless he is very lucky and has a landlord that hasn't increased his rent since pre-Covid, he'll be paying about 40% of his salary for a room in a house share if he's in a city.

Rent up here in Glasgow and its' outlying towns (many of which had been traditionally very cheap places to rent or buy) have almost doubled since 2010, while wages have stagnated, and that pattern has repeated all over the UK. They are building like crazy, but it is either cramped studio-flat complexes exclusively marketed to students in the city centres, or giant 5-bed new builds on the rural outskirts that start at �400,000.

Either way, if you're on �25K as a full time worker, you ain't getting either of them. Housing in the UK is hosed.

Recently on the most money I've ever been on and it's �24,000. We are managing to save but gently caress me only because all the houses around us are pretty much in dead pit villages.

# ? May 12, 2024 11:57

Mr Teatime: Apr 7, 2009

Kenshin posted:

Is a 25k pound salary...a lot? That seems like near poverty line wages

It�s not a lot but it�s honestly not that far off what a lot of graduates can expect to make out of university. The UK exists in a special kind of hosed where wages are seriously suppressed in comparison to North America but the price of everything is higher. For comparison the median household income in the province in Canada where my wife is from is near enough double the median household income in Scotland where im from and everything feels bonkers cheap over there compared to what I�m used to. Heck when she came over to study here and transferred her Apple employment for the duration she was essentially taking a 50% pay cut.

# ? May 12, 2024 12:44

Pigsfeet on Rye: Oct 22, 2008; I'm meat on the hoof

Hughlander posted:

Skipping most of the content for thread rule reasons but...

Devin! my ex who cheated on me with my mom and received gonorrhea from her.

Devin! my ex who cheated on me with my mom and received gonorrhea from her. Update: even though it has almost been 8 years, Devin has not changed. -

Don't go chasing down the original unless you want bummers just keep with mocking Devin.

drat, that�s quite a tale!

# ? May 12, 2024 12:59

Ghost Leviathan: Mar 2, 2017; Exploration is ill-advised.

The UK is effectively a third world country at this point.

# ? May 12, 2024 13:07

Runcible Cat: May 28, 2007; Ignoring this post

Ghost Leviathan posted:

The UK is effectively a third world country at this point.

A third world country where most of the inhabitants still seem to think they rule an empire.

# ? May 12, 2024 13:44

Extra Large Marge: Jan 21, 2004; Fun Shoe

Quackles posted:

Tech workers in the UK are underpaid.

Yeah, that's somehow less than the first entry level IT job I got out of college 16 years ago

# ? May 12, 2024 15:16

My Spirit Otter: Jun 15, 2006; CANADA DOESN'T GET PENS LIKE THIS

SKILCRAFT KREW Reppin' Quality Blind Made American Products. Bitch.

Ghost Leviathan posted:

The UK is effectively a third world country at this point.

americans work for money, brits do it for king and country

# ? May 12, 2024 16:09

Nephzinho: Jan 25, 2008

mllaneza posted:

Appallingly poor play by whichever partner has black.

(The two center white groups are dead, black is winning by A Lot)

# ? May 12, 2024 16:14

cynic: Jan 19, 2004

Kenshin posted:

Is a 25k pound salary...a lot? That seems like near poverty line wages

I have people 'in IT' on my team his exact age and they earn twice that (fulltime remote working too). 33 is not a graduate age, and we hire on graduates at age 23 for 25k. Bigger cities and especially London you'd be on even more. Depending on area you can live on �25k though, but it's definitely waaaay on the low end for most civilized places, and on the low end for 'IT' of any kind. There won't be a ton of tax or deductions on that little amount though; effective 13% taxes, plus 3% (?) pension contributions unless he opts out. And technically he will have free basic healthcare and dental and more PTO than most US citizens could ever dream of.

# ? May 12, 2024 16:21

ChickenOfTomorrow: Nov 11, 2012; god damn it, you've got to be kind

Ghost Leviathan posted:

The UK is effectively a third world country at this point.

we were always a poorly-developed country, just sometimes we hid it by stealing poo poo from other places

# ? May 12, 2024 16:23

Saint Isaias Boner: Jan 17, 2007; hi how are you ♥

cynic posted:

I have people 'in IT' on my team his exact age and they earn twice that (fulltime remote working too). 33 is not a graduate age, and we hire on graduates at age 23 for 25k. Bigger cities and especially London you'd be on even more. Depending on area you can live on �25k though, but it's definitely waaaay on the low end for most civilized places, and on the low end for 'IT' of any kind. There won't be a ton of tax or deductions on that little amount though; effective 13% taxes, plus 3% (?) pension contributions unless he opts out. And technically he will have free basic healthcare and dental and more PTO than most US citizens could ever dream of.

i'm working in tech on 25k and living in london and i'm as old as balls but in my defence i'm a huge fuckup

# ? May 12, 2024 16:30

Batterypowered7: Aug 8, 2009; The mist that chills you keeps me warm.

Saint Isaias Boner posted:

i'm working in tech on 25k and living in london and i'm as old as balls but in my defence i'm a huge fuckup

If you're in London then I believe you'd be as old as bollocks.

# ? May 12, 2024 16:35

Saint Isaias Boner: Jan 17, 2007; hi how are you ♥

Batterypowered7 posted:

If you're in London then I believe you'd be as old as bollocks.

we never mind those here

# ? May 12, 2024 16:44

thepopmonster: Feb 18, 2014

Runcible Cat posted:

A third world country where most of the inhabitants still seem to think they rule an empire.

What does Texas have to do with this discussion?

# ? May 12, 2024 16:52

Dewgy: Nov 10, 2005; ~🚚special delivery~📦

Moon Slayer posted:

Man gets ready to try One Weird Trick, is fortunately talked out of it in the comments.

How dumb is it to intentionally lose my house to foreclosure?

Is the one weird trick ignoring the rule about posting obvious abuse stories?

# ? May 12, 2024 16:57

hawowanlawow: Jul 27, 2009

Texas makes the UK look like fuckin shangri-la

# ? May 12, 2024 17:16

DemoneeHo: Nov 9, 2017; Come on hee-ho, just give us 300 more macca

My (25F) fianc� (28M) pees in bottles and I have no idea what to do to make him stop. Has anyone else ever dealt with this? Have you been able to stop the behaviour without leaving them? We�ve been together for 9 years

quote:

I was looking for a charger for one of my electronics and found an ENTIRE CABINET in our bedroom full of sealed pee-filled bottles (and I�m talking FULL full, not half full or less. They�re all 1.89L iced tea bottles and the long Gatorade bottles with the orange twist cap). It�s gross to consider how long he�s been doing this without me knowing, and how long they�ve been there before I found them (I never go into that cabinet, searching for my charger was a one-off thing) and I honestly have no idea in hell how I�ve never noticed a smell, even through a seal.

Whenever I bring it up and tell him to empty them, he just tells me to shut up and stop nagging him, or to deal with it because �sometimes I just don�t want to get up� (to which I say - TO BAD?? YOURE AN ADULT??).

I�ve even been told by him that if I have a problem with it, I should clean it. And I would, if it was something normal like water that had been left a bit to long or something like that. But I�m not touching someone else�s piss. That�s disgusting. And I�m his fianc�, not his mom. I shouldn�t have to empty out pee bottles because a 28 year old is too lazy to get out of bed at night.

Am I in the wrong here?? Am I just complaining to others that also do this?? Has anyone who doesn�t pee in bottles ever dealt with this??

I have no idea what to do. We�ve been together for 9 years, I don�t want the relationship to go to poo poo because of this (tried bringing it up that way and I�m just called dramatic and told to shut up). I knew he did this as a teenager while living at his parents house, but I just kind of shrugged it off as just something some teenage boys do. But to keep doing it when you�re almost 30�.

He's aging the pee like wine, OP. Get over it :rolleyes:

But in all seriousness, OP clarifies that she and her fianc� live together in tiny apartment. How has she never noticed the cabinet before? Also his excuse is that he's afraid of the dark, but the bathroom light is on at night. So i dunno.

# ? May 12, 2024 17:19

Captain Hygiene: Sep 17, 2007; You mess with the crabbo...

DemoneeHo posted:

My (25F) fiancé (28M) pees in bottles and I have no idea what to do to make him stop. Has anyone else ever dealt with this? Have you been able to stop the behaviour without leaving them? We’ve been together for 9 years

He's aging the pee like wine, OP. Get over it

But in all seriousness, OP clarifies that she and her fiancé live together in tiny apartment. How has she never noticed the cabinet before? Also his excuse is that he's afraid of the dark, but the bathroom light is on at night. So i dunno.

I was gonna say dump them on him, but they understandably don't want to touch them. I dunno, maybe wage a full on media war against him so that everyone in his life knows he's a pissbottle hoarder, in preparation for removing him from your life.

# ? May 12, 2024 17:25

mllaneza: Apr 28, 2007; Veteran, Bermuda Triangle Expeditionary Force, 1993-1952

Nephzinho posted:

(The two center white groups are dead, black is winning by A Lot)

Oh, well-spotted.

# ? May 12, 2024 17:27

Captain Yossarian: Feb 24, 2011; All new" Rings of Fire"

Saint Isaias Boner posted:

we never mind those here

# ? May 12, 2024 17:33

Fil5000: Jun 23, 2003; HOLD ON GUYS I'M POSTING ABOUT INTERNET ROBOTS

DemoneeHo posted:

My (25F) fiancé (28M) pees in bottles and I have no idea what to do to make him stop. Has anyone else ever dealt with this? Have you been able to stop the behaviour without leaving them? We’ve been together for 9 years

He's aging the pee like wine, OP. Get over it

But in all seriousness, OP clarifies that she and her fiancé live together in tiny apartment. How has she never noticed the cabinet before? Also his excuse is that he's afraid of the dark, but the bathroom light is on at night. So i dunno.

You've been together for twice as long as you've been an adult and he's storing piss. Leave.

# ? May 12, 2024 17:37

3D Megadoodoo: Nov 25, 2010

Could be worse.

# ? May 12, 2024 17:39

limp_cheese: Sep 10, 2007; Nothing to see here. Move along.

DemoneeHo posted:

My (25F) fianc� (28M) pees in bottles and I have no idea what to do to make him stop. Has anyone else ever dealt with this? Have you been able to stop the behaviour without leaving them? We�ve been together for 9 years

The real question is what condition are his dress shirts in?

# ? May 12, 2024 17:46

The_Franz: Aug 8, 2003

DemoneeHo posted:

My (25F) fianc� (28M) pees in bottles and I have no idea what to do to make him stop. Has anyone else ever dealt with this? Have you been able to stop the behaviour without leaving them? We�ve been together for 9 years

He's aging the pee like wine, OP. Get over it

But in all seriousness, OP clarifies that she and her fianc� live together in tiny apartment. How has she never noticed the cabinet before? Also his excuse is that he's afraid of the dark, but the bathroom light is on at night. So i dunno.

No, keeping a cabinet filled with piss jugs is not "just something some teenage boys do". What the gently caress.

# ? May 12, 2024 17:50

Arsenic Lupin: Apr 12, 2012; This particularly rapid💨 unintelligible 😖patter💁 isn't generally heard🧏‍♂️, and if it is🤔, it doesn't matter💁.

Is this some kind of fetish? I can dimly understand reinventing the chamberpot, but how do you go from there to "but I must preserve it forever"?

# ? May 12, 2024 17:53

Captain Hygiene: Sep 17, 2007; You mess with the crabbo...

3D Megadoodoo posted:

Could be worse.

Poop buckets? :ohdear:

# ? May 12, 2024 17:53

The_Franz: Aug 8, 2003

Captain Hygiene posted:

Poop buckets?

Poop socks.

quote:

"About 6 years ago my sister had the terrible misfortune of dating a guy that
should would later come to regret. She had been dating "Chad" for little over a
year. I had always thought the guy to be kind of a jerk, but I was her older
brother, so naturally I would think that way."

"Anyway, the more she got to know the guy the more she had realized all the
strange nuances and quirks that he had. He had to have his bed made just a
certain way every day, or he couldn't leave the house. He had some strange
things that he would have to do before he left his house in the morning. Like
turning off light switches in a particular order your basic
obsessive-compulsive disorder kind of guy."

"Well my sister thought most of this was tolerable and she could deal with it
for the time being. During the summer she and Chad had decided to go to the
lake to do some swimming, he was downstairs getting the rest of his stuff ready
for their trip to the lake."

"She had gone up to his room to change and realized she didn't bring anything
with her to put her bathing suit and other things in. She had remembered that
she bought him a nice Nike duffel bag for Christmas a few months prior, she had
looked around the room and in his closets for the bag, but it was nowhere to be
found. Lastly she looked under the bed to see if it had been stowed there, sure
enough, it was right there the whole time."

"She pulled out the bag and decided to empty the contents so she could put her
things in it. Much to her surprise it was filled with socks, filled entirely
with socks that is. My sister told me that she almost dismissed the fact that
the bag was full of them, but her thoughts quickly changed when she picked one
of them up and it was heavy and sort of "clumpy" She lifted the sock up only to
have the contents fall to the floor. Much to her dismay she realized that Chad
had been storing his turds in his socks. Yep, the same duffel bag that she had
given to him for Christmas just a few months before was now being used to house
his excrement's."

"Being a person of sound mind she knew this obviously wasn't proper behavior.
She immediately confronted him and he pretty much lost it, as would anybody who
got caught hiding turds in socks under your bed. It didn't really end there,
she tried to break up with him and he had a nervous break down, then after that
we never really heard from him again."

# ? May 12, 2024 17:55

house of the dad: Jul 4, 2005

Arsenic Lupin posted:

Is this some kind of fetish? I can dimly understand reinventing the chamberpot, but how do you go from there to "but I must preserve it forever"?

Autism or ADHD can contribute to this kind of behavior. The guy needs to a see a therapist at the very least, but more than likely needs to talk to an actual psychiatrist.

# ? May 12, 2024 18:11