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 No breaths, no movement: no doubt. This guy's dead. The corpse is, or was your professor of Very Important Literature, Dr. Snell. The rich purple of his suit jacket is marred by a flower of blood by his breast pocket. He's slumped over in his high backed leather armchair in his lavish study. The fire place is lit and roaring and you see several bottles of scotch that would cost you several weeks pay. You're not supposed to be here. You came to the professor's mansion to turn in a late term paper and discuss ideas for your senior thesis on Pride and Prejudice, a book you never actually read and were going to just try to bluff your way through. When you pulled down the drive the murder parade was already in full-swing, cops, tape, lights and journalists here to cover the death of a titan of Very Important Books. You slipped in while the cops were busy trying to contain the paparazzi. You spot Snell's desk. It appears he was in the middle of grading. You slip your paper in. Late points regained. What do you do?
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Jul 23, 2022 15:54
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| # ? Jun 10, 2024 08:08 |
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just skimmed and saw something about a flower? sounds pretty important, pick up the flower
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Jul 23, 2022 15:56
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Put on his clothes, kick his body under the desk, then resume grading papers.
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Jul 23, 2022 15:58
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Might as well put an 'A' on that paper...
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Jul 23, 2022 16:00
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Pick up scotch
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Jul 23, 2022 16:00
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Don't mind me I'm just a big booty femme fatale with legs for days walking by the crime scene
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Jul 23, 2022 16:06
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the holy poopacy posted:just skimmed and saw something about a flower? sounds pretty important, pick up the flower you try to to pick up the flower. You can't pick it up but now you're hands are covered in blood. drat! If only you had paid attention in class and learned what figurative language was! Hyrax Attack! posted:Put on his clothes, kick his body under the desk, then resume grading papers. Turdo posted:Might as well put an 'A' on that paper... You've always loved Dr Snell's style and general british aristocrat air. You put his clothes on, push the body out of the way. Since you're here anyway, you may as well finish what he started. You give yourself an A, of course, then to keep the grading curve in your favor give everyone else an F. goochtit posted:Pick up scotch Can't work thirsty! You unscrew it with your bloody hands and take a swig. You are now wearing a dead man's clothes, covered in his blood, with his stolen property, in the same room as his body, in an active crime scene What do you do?
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Jul 23, 2022 16:08
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Call 911 and report a break-in
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Jul 23, 2022 16:09
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Go on his computer and set up his office as an Airbnb. Write the post like the Cryptkeeper promising scotch “to die for” and a desk “suitable for sleeping two to three ghouls or ghosts.” Falsely claim the office has a hot tub.
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Jul 23, 2022 16:15
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poo poo pants.
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Jul 23, 2022 16:17
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Volition [Trivial: Failed] - This is just one too many dead bodies for you. Your short career has ended in ignominy as you fall to the ground in a catatonic state.
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Jul 23, 2022 16:21
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GO NORTH
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Jul 23, 2022 16:23
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Hyrax Attack! posted:Go on his computer and set up his office as an Airbnb. Write the post like the Cryptkeeper promising scotch “to die for” and a desk “suitable for sleeping two to three ghouls or ghosts.” Falsely claim the office has a hot tub. You realize there's a money making opportunity to be had here. You go over to his computer and try to open up AirBnB. drat! It's password protected unless you can figure out the password you won't be able to do anything with his computer. AARD VARKMAN posted:Call 911 and report a break-in You look around and realize that there was probably a crime committed here. You get out your phone to alert the police. As you're dialing you hear a sharp voice with a nasally new york accent. "I thought this was closed-off! What are you doing here?"  "Lt. Columbo. I'm investigating Dr. Snell's death. I wasn't aware he was expecting any visitors. What's that on your hands? It looks an awful lot like blood." What do you do
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Jul 23, 2022 16:25
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We're wearing Dr. Snell's clothes, sitting in Dr. Snell's chair, and in possession of Dr. Snell's blood. As far as this guy knows, we ARE Dr. Snell. Just play it cool and tell this schmuck we were in the middle of calling the police about this mystery corpse in our office.
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Jul 23, 2022 16:29
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PULL OUT YOUR GUN
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Jul 23, 2022 16:30
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"I don't know whose blood we're looking at right now. But I know whose blood we're about to see"
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Jul 23, 2022 16:32
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the holy poopacy posted:We're wearing Dr. Snell's clothes, sitting in Dr. Snell's chair, and in possession of Dr. Snell's blood. As far as this guy knows, we ARE Dr. Snell. Just play it cool and tell this schmuck we were in the middle of calling the police about this mystery corpse in our office. It's the only way out of this. You came in and found this imposter and stole your clothes back off him in a fit of rage
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Jul 23, 2022 16:35
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Also it's lucky they have us here to investigate, this Columbo guy is clearly some kind of buffoon.
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Jul 23, 2022 16:39
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Private Dick
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Jul 23, 2022 16:47
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Tell Columbo it’s red paint on your hands from the model airplanes you were assembling at home when you came over to Snell’s house to drop off your paper and found him like this.
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Jul 23, 2022 16:51
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the holy poopacy posted:We're wearing Dr. Snell's clothes, sitting in Dr. Snell's chair, and in possession of Dr. Snell's blood. As far as this guy knows, we ARE Dr. Snell. Just play it cool and tell this schmuck we were in the middle of calling the police about this mystery corpse in our office. AARD VARKMAN posted:It's the only way out of this. You came in and found this imposter and stole your clothes back off him in a fit of rage You laugh your best aristocratic laugh. My dear lieutenant. I am Dr. Snell. I had just returned home from" you hesitate, "my squash game- when-" The policeman holds up his finger, "Hold on a second, sir. I just want to get this. Seems important." He pulls out a note book and starts writing. "A squash game." "Yes. I had just walloped my opponent with aplomb. When I found this interloper wearing my clothes, drinking my scotch and grading my papers. I asked him what he was doing and he insisted that he was the real Dr. Snell. In a fit of rage well, it looked like he was reaching for his gun and he was obviously mentally disturbed. So I killed him, I was just calling the police to report a break-in." The policeman takes his time finishing with his notes then looks up and says "So wait. You're Dr. Snell. Oh what a relief! My wife is a huge fan of yours, I really didn't want to break the news to her that you died! She just read your book on Pride and Prejudice and thought that it was just fantastic. I was actually wondering if you could make an autograph for her. Just a little something to take home." Do you sign the autograph or not/
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Jul 23, 2022 16:51
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Also, “goon detective” is the one and only time you can get away with wearing a fedora. And only if you commit to the whole hard-boiled pulp look. No jorts.
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Jul 23, 2022 16:53
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Man what if you hosed up a perfectly clean kill?  you should find the killer and suck his dick op. 
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Jul 23, 2022 16:54
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Attempt to sign the autograph but cunningly start shaking your hand like you're still full of adrenaline from the incident, and apologize but say you will sign it later.
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Jul 23, 2022 16:55
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I cast... REDUCE BALLS!!!! 
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Jul 23, 2022 16:56
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You can’t remember if Snell is right or left-handed and suspect Columbo would know, so you simply tell him your carpal tunnel and arthritis are acting up.
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Jul 23, 2022 16:58
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You Are A Elf posted:You can’t remember if Snell is right or left-handed and suspect Columbo would know, so you simply tell him your carpal tunnel and arthritis are acting up.  also op are we clearly like 22 years old
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Jul 23, 2022 17:00
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You Are A Elf posted:You can’t remember if Snell is right or left-handed and suspect Columbo would know, so you simply tell him your carpal tunnel and arthritis are acting up. You happily agree to sign an autograph for him but as you reach for your pen you scream in pain. “I’m dreadfully sorry lieutenant but it seems my carpal tunnel is acting up. I’ll be happy to get my man to send you something if you leave your address though.” “Oh well that’s a shame,” Columbo replies. “I thought read something like that on that little sleeve in the back that tells you about the author, but I thought that since you were using the computer when I came in… well it’s not important. Would you at least mind telling me a bit more about your theories on Mr Darcy. I know mrs Columbo she’d get a kick out of that. The other ladies at mah jong will be so jealous.” what do you do
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Jul 23, 2022 17:05
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AARD VARKMAN posted:
You’re 30 but it’s still undergrad. Your last career choices didn’t work out.
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Jul 23, 2022 17:06
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Mr. Darcy? Gay. As. gently caress.
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Jul 23, 2022 17:12
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if he wants elaboration, give em your best scoff and tell him you won't lower yourself to explaining such an obvious and elementary fact
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Jul 23, 2022 17:13
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the holy poopacy posted:Mr. Darcy? Gay. As. gently caress.  The policeman stares at you for a second then closes his notebook. "Well. You've certainly given me a lot to think about sir. We're just about done here anyway. You'll be here if I have any more questions, right? He leaves. You're once again alone in the study. The naked corpse of your Literature Professor is balled up beneath a leather chair. The graded blood-stained term papers are all stacked neatly on the desk next to the bottle of scotch you opened earlier and his password-protected also blood-stained computer. The fireplace is warm and inviting. Search for clues or do something else?
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Jul 23, 2022 17:22
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Listen pal, I have been here plowing the QUEEN OF FRIGGIN ENGLAND, I mean just slopping her inner walls with gooey, sticky man batter for like 3 days now. There is like ZERO CHANCE she is not pregnant. I can hear her cervix dipping into that milky pool and slurping up gobs and gobs of nut. You know the name of the game England, USA #1 bahahahaaaa.  But hey some goon is trying to come up on a velour smoking jacket or some poo poo and wants some help or whatever, I got flips to flap here fella! 
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Jul 23, 2022 17:34
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BIG FLUFFY DOG posted:
See if we can find a copy of the prof's book to read that backflap material about whatever Columbo was alluding to
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Jul 23, 2022 17:40
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Forget it, Jake... it's FYAD
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Jul 23, 2022 17:47
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Try passwords on computer: pridenprejudice69 hot4darcy austenheadno1 steinrokkan fucked around with this message at 17:59 on Jul 23, 2022 |
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Jul 23, 2022 17:56
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AARD VARKMAN posted:See if we can find a copy of the prof's book to read that backflap material about whatever Columbo was alluding to It seems like it may be a good idea to find out more about Dr. Snell. You spot a copy of his book Prejudiced about Pride and Prejudice and open the book to the back where the author's biography usually is. DR. CORNELIUS V.T. SNELL, MBE is a professor of Very Important Literature at Central University. Since moving to the US from his native England he has received national recognition and awards for his work on how the post-colonial intersection of modernity and authorial intent in classical literature fuse to create liminal spaces and constant evolution within classic texts, as well as which fictional characters he thinks are gay. Dr Snell is well-known for his philanthropy and raising money for carpal tunnel research of which he is a long-time sufferer as well as Restless Leg Syndrome research which he just finds interesting. Early in his career the New York Times called him the "Mikhail Gorbachev of Jane Austen Study". People are still trying to figure out what this means.
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Jul 23, 2022 18:14
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I think we should celebrate a flawless deception with some of that expensive whiskey
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Jul 23, 2022 18:28
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She eased into the office like a Wednesday morning hangover, gams all the way up to her tits and the surprised look of a two dollar blow up doll on the front of her hairdo. I could tell she was trouble by the way she was knocked up and sizing me up like a five bit paycheck at quitting time on a Friday. I poured myself a shot and made her a double since she's drinking for two.
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Jul 23, 2022 18:47
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poo poo pants again.
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Jul 23, 2022 23:35
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