- Khanstant
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*looks at my wrist to hope the crystals got the time right*
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Jan 26, 2023 06:04
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- Adbot
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ADBOT LOVES YOU
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Jun 10, 2024 12:30
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- Khanstant
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im going to sit down and read the tv guide and check my watch to see if i can watch the pre scheduled television programs
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Jan 26, 2023 06:06
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- Khanstant
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augh, i need to jam my hand and arm up to the elbow or more into this but it'll mess with the delicate crystals and whirlygigs that almost give me a good enough idea of what time it is... but if i take off my watch everyone will see my bad idea to get a tattoo of a watch with the wrong time all the time...
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Jan 26, 2023 06:09
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- Khanstant
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i catch someone's eye in the reflection of the glass in my watch, i can tell they are wondering what time it is for some reason. i look them in the eye and say "the time is now, this is the moment you've been waiting for, make your dreams come true and let none stand in your way, nothing else matters besides recreating your most recent remembered dream" and then i hand them my watch "this was my grandfather's watch, and if you take it, i will accuse you of stealing it and will say you stole it. Haven't you noticed my body language acting like you're holding me up, that you've been holding a gun pointing at me, it's not loaded but if you don't my watch back I will detonate a bullet with your fingerprints on it that I already have embedded in my chest. there are cameras in here and they can see you but not hear me, so it looks just like you tried to rob me so please give my watch back it has sentimental value"
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Jan 26, 2023 06:15
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- Khanstant
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im trapped in the bathroom stall, there is no bidet or toilet paper and the ghouls of food past have waylaid me with mess; fortunately i have my watch. it may not flush but ill be gone before i have to find out
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Jan 26, 2023 06:18
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- Khanstant
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intelligence is buying a watch with over 1,000 individual parts
wisdom is not putting people with only 130 part watches into fruit salad
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Jan 26, 2023 06:22
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- Khanstant
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*crying in the stairwell because the bullies kept calling me 5-arms*
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Jan 26, 2023 06:23
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- Khanstant
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only watch wearers will get this don't bother if u don't wear watch: that brief moment of panic in the silences between the seconds ticking on the watch, where life feels hollow and empty like maybe it already ended and you'd literally commit illegal bank robbery crimes just to get to afford one more tick
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Jan 26, 2023 06:28
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- Khanstant
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if you break someone's grandfather clock and then give them even a cheap watch in return, they can't charge you with a crime since legally it's still an upgrade
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Jan 26, 2023 06:33
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- Khanstant
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tossing my watch into a pot to prevent it boiling
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Jan 26, 2023 07:19
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- Khanstant
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*freaking out because my watch won't tell me what year it is*
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Jan 26, 2023 17:42
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- RepeatingMeme
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this place is not a place of honor
no highly esteemed deed is commemorated here
nothing valued is here
what is here was dangerous and repulsive to us
this place is best shunned and left uninhabited
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Put your phones away guys we dont need them to calculate the tip, ive got a calculator watch! No no turn that bill over i dont care if they have recommended amounts we can just see how close i get! Now how do i start a calculation, hmmm, no thats the timer... Wait now its beeping hold on maybe if i press- KYLE PUT THAT BILL DOWN IVE GOT THIS. Oh wait i put it on military time, so its not that, maybe if i hold theses two buttons... Tyler, whose the watch guy me or you? just let the master work here okay? poo poo i think i deleted my alarm, oh yeah check this out i can set alarms on this bad boy! Pretty cool right? okay ill just fix that real quick then i can add up the tip
Thanks Justa Dandelion, Dumb Sex-Parrot, deep dish peat moss!
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Jan 26, 2023 19:05
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- Finger Prince
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Oh this? It's just my dive watch. Sure it's ugly, dirty, and it has a sticky strap that smells like stale beer and piss, but it has character, man.
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Jan 26, 2023 23:08
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- Emo Szyslak
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milhouse! I’m an old man with a big beard. you’re supposed to be the watchman. what happened?
I was watching time Bart. I saw the whole thing, Bart. first time slowly decayed you… then you decayed
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Jan 27, 2023 01:15
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- Khanstant
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anyone got the time?
the most innocent question that cuts deepest to those of us wristless
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Jan 27, 2023 02:36
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- Finger Prince
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Speaking in to my apple watch: "hey siri, what time is it?"
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Jan 27, 2023 03:30
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- Khanstant
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Siri "u tell me ur the one w hands"
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Jan 27, 2023 04:30
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- Khanstant
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WATCH OUT
dang ill have to wait for them to restock
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Jan 27, 2023 05:54
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- canyoneer
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I only have canyoneyes for you
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it's nice, but it's the most disappointing gift i ever got. it's a birthday gift from a couple I am friends with, a fitness model and a pilates instructor.
not what i meant when i said "i wanna watch"
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Jan 27, 2023 18:52
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- Khanstant
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sneering at a caveman using their sundial
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Jan 29, 2023 00:32
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- Quadramind
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I got a watch that tells me I'm sick and lazy. It says, hey! calm down and get some damned exercise you little poo poo, and go to bed while you're at it
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Jan 29, 2023 13:31
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- super sweet best pal
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A no briefs history of time
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Jan 29, 2023 22:05
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- Robot Made of Meat
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Given battery and LED technology of the time this was offered, I'd expect the battery to last not more than a month.
Which works, because the novelty of it wouldn't last long enough to set it and adjust the band.
Thanks to Manifisto for the sig!
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Jan 30, 2023 01:14
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- Adbot
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ADBOT LOVES YOU
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Jun 10, 2024 12:30
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- nut
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hahaha cool *edits all my tweets where I called it a wortch*
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Feb 1, 2023 15:06
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