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  Just like the specie they share a nickname with, the golden generation of Ivory Coast is on it's last legs. They failed to win anything of note when Didier DROGBA, Kolo Toure and Didier Zokora were in their prime years so it's foolish to think they'll do anything of note this World Cup. The teams in Group C looks very even (Japan, Greece and Colombia) and it wouldn't be too surprising if the Ivory Coast only manages to take 3rd in it. GOALKEEPER - Boubacar Barry (Lokeren) The weakest point of the Ivory Coast squad is, like with many african squads, the goal keeper. You won't win any titles with Boubacar Barry in goal. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oIjOlgLy2_s RIGHT BACK - Serge Aurier (Toulouse) Emmanuel Eboue has not been selected and it looks like future Arsenal player, and by extension, future ballon d'Or candidate, Serge Aurier will be storming up and down the right side.  CENTRAL DEFENCE Kolo Toure (Liverpool), Didier Zokora (Trabzonspor) The central defence will be a solid duo of used car dealers, Kolo Toure and Dider Zokora.  (Kolo Toure pictured in the shower of an unknown woman. It's unclear if she knows who he is) Idk much about Didier Zokora, except someone once called him a bad word and then that player got brutally rekted, which is good in my opinoin https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QcnfUup3JLY LEFT BACK Arthur Boka (Transfering to Malaga I think) Left back will be played by Arthur Boka, who according to wikipedia is known for his "lightning pace even though he is a man of very small build". Solid research like that makes writing this guide an absolute joy.  The average official age of the defence is 32 years, the rumored and more likely average age is 36 years MIDFIELD Cheick Tiote (Newcastle), Serey Die(Basel), Yaya Toure(Manchester City) The midfield is where the Ivory Coast really shines. First up we got tough lad Cheick Tiote who can hit a ball really hard and average a yellow card every second match.  As evidenced by his cranium structure, he was destined to either play football or model those dinosaurs that headbutt eachother. loving hell, what a big rear end fat head. Serey Die is the guy who'll be playing alongside Tiote in the "deeper" midfield role. He plays for Basel which is in Switzerland or maybe Belgium, either way, if he was any good he would probably play for a bigger club like Manchester United.  Picture by my buddy EmmRow These two playing in a deeper midfield role opens up for the one and only    The beginnings code:code:ATTACK Gervinho (Roma), Didier DROGBA(Galatsaray), Kalou (Lille) The charge on the right(or maybe left wing, idk) will be lead by Giraffe-Human hybrid Gervinho. Gervinho has had a solid year with the proud Romans and there's even rumours about him and his hair joining Monaco for a stupid sum of money.  Gervinho is often ridiculed by his haircut, but he saves a ton of curtains haha loving Kalou will be playing on the other wing. You can be certain that the phrase "loving Kalou" will be a global twitter trend whenever Ivory Coast plays.  Although Didier DROGBA is officially 36 years old he still got it. He has lost a lot of pace but he won't have to outrun anyone. As a strong lad with a good first touch, he'll just wait for the tricky wingers to beat their man and cross it to him.  Word bro. Their other attackers include all the FIFA 14 favourites such as DROGBA-clone Wildfied Bony, fast lad Seydou Doumbia and Ivory Coasts answer to Stephen Merchant, Lacina Traore. code:Ivory Coast's worst enemy has always been themselves. This has not changed and it seems too late for the golden generation to win anything - the future also looks very bleak after the World Cup. DROGBA won't live forever and Kolo Toure has a ton of used cars to sell. THE 5 PLAYERS TO WATCH ACCORDING TO canada.com Didier DROGBA, Yaya Toure, Gervinho, Didier Zokora, Serge Aurier code:Hegay fucked around with this message at 20:08 on May 25, 2014 |
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May 25, 2014 19:40
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| # ? Jun 13, 2024 01:32 |
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Big fan of this OP - lots of lols to be had at the expense of a bunch of characters in the Cote D'Ivorie squad. 10/10
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May 25, 2014 19:44
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I'm a little upset that Big Sam never signed Lacina Traore, the biggest of Big Men to play for West Ham. It's ok though because we've got Big Andy now, and Big Lacina gets to go to the World Cup and play for the happiest elephant team. Seriously, look how happy the elephant on the crest is. So happy.
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May 25, 2014 19:46
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To our new and beloved World Cup posters, this is the lanky Lacina fellow
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May 25, 2014 19:47
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I think they will do well. I like them.
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May 25, 2014 19:49
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Was Yaya Banana ivorian because he had an awesome name. Also Tiote has got good at avoiding yellow cards now he only gets them every 3rd game
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May 25, 2014 20:13
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Jose posted:Was Yaya Banana ivorian because he had an awesome name. Also Tiote has got good at avoiding yellow cards now he only gets them every 3rd game WOW, mods???
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May 25, 2014 20:14
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great op, op
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May 25, 2014 20:15
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A quick google lets me know he's cameroonian
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May 25, 2014 20:15
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tetsman posted:great op, op Thank you tetsman, will you be doing a "Les Bleus" thread?
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May 25, 2014 20:18
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Theyre taking part in the FIFA Retiree World Cup because there all old
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May 25, 2014 20:22
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all these Irish players got one hell of a tan
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May 25, 2014 20:23
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Hegay posted:Thank you tetsman, will you be doing a "Les Bleus" thread? I'm on it
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May 25, 2014 20:35
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im gay for drogba
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May 25, 2014 20:59
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I thought Hegay was Spanish
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May 25, 2014 23:50
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poty posted:I thought Hegay was Spanish Lol no, I got a Spanish dad but I don't live there thank god
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May 25, 2014 23:53
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hegav's lovely country couldnt make it to the WC so hes stuck making threads about the cool countries that did hahah
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May 26, 2014 00:12
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Mean Bean Machine posted:hegav's lovely country couldnt make it to the WC so hes stuck making threads about the cool countries that did hahah
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May 26, 2014 00:12
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hell,
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May 26, 2014 00:13
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what THE gently caress, ivory coast is not a cool country
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May 26, 2014 00:23
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Yaya Toure has got a "minor injury" and is probably sipping on some cold horse placenta at the moment. He should be able to join up with the team in a weeks time.
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May 26, 2014 10:04
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all the Good Players are getting injured before the wc, ronaldo, falcao, suarez, now yaya...seems like its time for the USMNT to shine
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May 26, 2014 13:04
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Some GIFs worthy of this beast team Yaya, he's like a frigging freight train, takes him a while to reach top speed but good luck stopping him  Didier DROGBA making a fool out of Champions League champions Real Madrid  Cheick TIOTE, feel the friggin passion 
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May 27, 2014 11:42
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May 27, 2014 12:11
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Ivory coast is my fave and i'm pleased they didn't get the group of death for a 3rd time running.
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May 27, 2014 21:47
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Loving Africa Chaps posted:Ivory coast is my fave and i'm pleased they didn't get the group of death for a 3rd time running. Hello, OP here. After doing some more research I'm warming up to them. Sabri Lamouchi will lead them to glory.
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May 27, 2014 21:49
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Hegay posted:Lol no, I got a Spanish dad but I don't live there thank god My Spanish dad...
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May 27, 2014 23:21
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Reminder that Ivory Coast will be playing Bosnia in 2 days, so get whatever the opposite of bananas is, ready
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May 29, 2014 12:27
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I wonder how much run Bony will get in this WC.
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May 29, 2014 17:57
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thompson posted:I wonder how much run Bony will get in this WC. Probably depends on whether Drogba gets broken because they're pretty similar players and even if Bony is better I don't think Lamouchi has the balls to bench him
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May 29, 2014 21:17
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http://www.liverpoolecho.co.uk/sport/football/football-news/liverpool-fc-defender-kolo-toure-7197364 Kolo Toure got malaria
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May 30, 2014 22:09
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irlZaphod posted:http://www.liverpoolecho.co.uk/sport/football/football-news/liverpool-fc-defender-kolo-toure-7197364 That's at least twice he's had it now. He took forever to recover from it the last time he had it.
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May 30, 2014 22:18
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Isn't malaria one of those things that once you've had it, it just comes back every so often? Or am I thinking of spider bites
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May 30, 2014 22:30
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irlZaphod posted:http://www.liverpoolecho.co.uk/sport/football/football-news/liverpool-fc-defender-kolo-toure-7197364 Good excuse to get on some gear?? I dunno but IIRC he had problems with "weight loss" drugs before
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May 31, 2014 14:11
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Arthur Boka is an absolute garbageman and helped almost relegate Stuttgart, hope they got better people in defense
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May 31, 2014 21:38
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Hegay posted:Idk much about Didier Zokora, except someone once called him a bad word and then that player got brutally rekted, which is good in my opinoin The guy holds a mean grudge - Zokora butchered Emre again a year later just to make sure he'd got his point across: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KYL6W5yyRBE Is Turkish football normally that brutal, or does everyone including the referees and the Turkish Constitutional Court judges just hate Emre?
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May 31, 2014 21:48
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Great news for our beloved Ivory Coast, Kolo Toure will be on the plane to Brazil proving once again that malaria is not dangerous and Bill Gates is wasting his money.
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Jun 2, 2014 17:35
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The final 23 Goalkeepers: Boubacar Barry (Lokeren), Sylvain Gbohouo (Sewe Sport), Sayouba Mande (Stabaek). Defenders: Serge Aurier (Toulouse), Jean-Daniel Akpa-Akpro (Toulouse), Didier Zokora (Trabzonspor), Kolo Toure (Liverpool), Sol Bamba (Trabzonspor), Arthur Boka (Stuttgart), Constant Djakpa (Frankfurt), Ousmane Diarrassouba (Caykur Rizespor). Midfielders: Cheik Tiote (Newcastle), Die Serey (Basle), Ismael Diomande (St Etienne), Didier Ya Konan (Hannover), Yaya Toure (Manchester City), Max Gradel (St Etienne). Forwards: Didier Drogba (Galatasaray), Wilfried Bony (Swansea), Gervinho (Roma), Salomon Kalou (Lille), Giovanni Sio (Basle), Mathis Bolly (Fortuna Dusseldorf). Lacina Traore(lanky tall fellow, Ivory Coast have plenty of em), Seydou Doumbia(really fast dude, Ivory Coast could probably have used him since Drogba and Bony are real similar and who the gently caress is Mathis Bolly???), Badra Ali, Brou Angoua and Brice Dja Djedje Also wiki tells me that Seydou Doumbia was top scorer in the Russian League? And he's real sick in FIFA 14.. what a loss, rip bruh  seems good to me e: Seydou Doumbia has not taken the news well and have chosen to retire from international football at the age of 26. Hegay fucked around with this message at 16:11 on Jun 4, 2014 |
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Jun 4, 2014 16:07
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Lacina Traoré's omission is heightism, pure and simple.
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Jun 4, 2014 16:13
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Tiote owns a lot and Drogba literally stopped a civil war so I'd like the Ivory Coast to do well
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Jun 8, 2014 18:04
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