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Many moons ago (2005) there was a great thread where people shared stories about all the crazy poo poo the weird kids in their elementary school would do. Here, a decade later I think it would be fun to share some more stories about the people we encountered in our formative years. Did you know a kid who ate boogers? Someone who pulled their pants down all the way down to their ankles to pee at the urinal? Perhaps one got angry and smashed her AlphaSmart? Another who ate dirt, or someone who thought he was a real life Saiyan? Every class had one. Tell me about yours. If you don't contribute, I will assume that kid was you and in that case you should share your story anyways! 
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Jan 8, 2016 10:17
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The bullies laughed at my cleft pallet but they didnt know it was charging my limit break meter
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Jan 8, 2016 10:21
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poo poo okay, i'm laying in bed but i'll contribute. the K-8 graduation class mug i have lists 59 people, so i'll post 10 at a time since i can probably remember something eccentric about all of them
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Jan 8, 2016 10:25
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One kid in 6th grade was convinced he was a martial arts master. He made a point of developing calluses of his hand to improve his fighting technique so he would rub a file against his palms until they bled (or so he claimed) and would rub his hands against concrete whenever he saw some (this I saw).
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Jan 8, 2016 10:25
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Hector Beerlioz posted:One kid in 6th grade was convinced he was a martial arts master. He made a point of developing calluses of his hand to improve his fighting technique so he would rub a file against his palms until they bled (or so he claimed) and would rub his hands against concrete whenever he saw some (this I saw). what trailer park is he living in now
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Jan 8, 2016 10:26
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Robo Reagan posted:what trailer park is he living in now Idk but his parents were very wealthy so I don't think he's in the park just yet.
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Jan 8, 2016 10:28
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there was one special needs kid that would take his clothes off and run around the school about once a month. another special needs kid would smear his poo poo all over the bathroom. one kid always wore his pajamas to school, but he was pretty cool. he was some kind of asian.
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Jan 8, 2016 10:28
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I knew a kid that would drop his pants / underwear all the way to pee at the urinal.
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Jan 8, 2016 10:28
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Not_Rainbow_Horse posted:there was one special needs kid that would take his clothes off and run around the school about once a month. Asian kid was actually just a ninja.
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Jan 8, 2016 10:29
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cheesetriangles posted:I knew a kid that would drop his pants / underwear all the way to pee at the urinal. I did that on the first day in kindergarten and people laughed at me and I haven't done it since.
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Jan 8, 2016 10:43
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since i'm not one for doxxing, i'll use different names Lauren - uhhh, poo poo. a Plain Jane to start off with, great. she was kind of headstrong i guess? her older brother plays in an experimental rock band, i do know that. Jon - he looked the exact loving same from Kindergarten through 8th grade, and still does now. dude doesn't age, he just grows taller. Josh - he beat up a kid in 6th grade because they told him Pokémon sucks. i think he still collects Pokémon cards come to think of it. Kendra - another Plain Jane with a weird sibling. her younger sister is a legitimate feminazi. she scares me. Adrian - he was always the artistic type and actually got sent to the principal's office in 4th grade for drawing a picture of a very realistic dead guy. i think he studies graphic arts now. Caitlin - she was diagnosed with diabetes in i think 5th grade and the first day she came to school with her insulin pump, she fell and busted it. David - dude was an absolute beast at soccer. the first year he joined the team, he carried them to a district championship victory. also, his family was Mexican and he brought in some spicy Spanish licorice to school one day. i really wish i could find it again because it was goddamn delicious. Emily - she had caterpillars for eyebrows, i swear to god. Charlie - he snuck his dog into school in 1st grade. that caper ended 10 minutes into the school day when the dog wiggled out of his backpack and pissed on the floor. Elizabeth - broke her nose playing volleyball in gym. the ball that did it had blood smeared on it, so from than on whenever someone used that ball they were said to be playing with Lizzy's Balls. it's 4:45 in the morning so i'll do the rest tomorrow
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Jan 8, 2016 10:47
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We had a kid who who would poo poo into one sheet of toilet paper, roll it into a ball and throw it at teachers or passers-by on the street. A few years ago his mother broke his fathers arm by beating him with a golf club over him not getting enough of a bonus that year to buy a new car or whatever so I guess he had a pretty effed up home life.
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Jan 8, 2016 10:48
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Just of the ones i have any contact with. A few are dead now
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Jan 8, 2016 11:20
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We had a kid who was fairly normal if a bit of the silent type until 7th grade or so, after vacations he came back totally different. Hardly said a word anymore, just lurking in the back of the classroom and staring. Eventually he would start up "his list", and he would write the names of everybody who somehow crossed or slighted him on it. Maybe he just tried to sound cool or he was a legit spree shooter in waiting, idk. He eventually mellowed out a bit during the last two years or so of school and actually never shot up any school that I know of. No idea what he's doing now. He also puked once in front of my parent's house because he wasn't used to booze, that was pretty fun. Oh, and we had a kid who was super into weapons and military stuff and whatnot. Slept underneath a Germany flag (which is pretty loving weird around here) and really wanted to join up and become a badass soldier after school. Didn't make it because he was actually short and fat, lol. I think he's with the voluntary fire brigade now. I might have been "that kid" as well perhaps?Always used to be the more silent, nerdy and socially awkward type. We're up for a 10-year reunion this summer, let's see how the others have kept me in memory. e: Oh yeah, the drama for the reunion already started up even though it'll be like half a year until we actually meet. One girl wrote in the FB group that she won't come because people were still thinking that she had been loving the bf of another girl in our class behind her back, but insisted that it wasn't true but she still wouldn't come to the meetup. Noone had any idea what the hell she was talking about and it's been 10 years anyways, no idea why some people are still sulking about this sort of teenage bullshit. System Metternich fucked around with this message at 11:49 on Jan 8, 2016 |
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Jan 8, 2016 11:28
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I was friends with this dude who literally never did any work. He would just stare out the window or make jokes. One time we did some national test for math and he falls asleep 5 minutes into it. After the 3 hour exam was done I asked him if he was worried about failing because he slept through the entire thing and he just shrugged. He apparently just circled random answers as fast as he could so he could sleep (the whole thing was multiple choice). We get the results back a few weeks later and the principle hands him a trophy, proud as poo poo. He got in the top 5% in the country from sheer dumb luck. It was loving awesome.
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Jan 8, 2016 11:46
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There were those twins who were kinda weird, I guess. I mean not just like "twins are weird" level, but weirder. One of them shat herself in class. It must be wrecking for your psyche to have your exact copy walking around tho, so I'm not thinking too hard of them.
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Jan 8, 2016 12:47
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I was acquaintances/casual friends with a girl pretty much all the way through high school, she was pretty cute and thought the same of me but I never did anything about it because I was a giant sperg and she was super popular so I never figured it'd work. Apart from the times we hung out or bullshitted in class, one memory stands out: her being helped by a friend to the bathroom in 4th grade after having peed her pants, crying with a giant wet spot in the back of her jeans. Jonah Hill in Superbad was right, you never forget. That's not weird or crazy though, that poo poo happens. We didn't have too many weirdos in elementary school.
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Jan 8, 2016 12:49
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We had a pair of identical twins in my 7th grade class. One was super nice and good at math and reading, the other was a turbo bitch who was rumored to be sucking off high school boys at the park. One day the sweet one got a boyfriend and they had been dating for like 5 weeks when the other twin decided to just gently caress the poo poo out of him when he showed up at their house to pick up his girlfriend to go to the movies like 30 minutes earlier than planned and no one else was home for whatever reason. The bitchy one dropped that bomb on her after lunch on Monday and it led to an all out hate-crime level brawl between the two in front of the staircase from the cafeteria to the math hallway. They bit, scratched, tore our hair and slammed each other in to the stairs' railing until security showed up, then they attacked our stumpy Hispanic lady security guard and pushed her off the stairs and then the giant biker looking security guard showed up and pulled them off each other , both having their faces covered in blood and welts. The bitchy one got put in to a private school for problem kids after that, the nice one legit seemed way happier at school after that. A few years ago when I was back in my hometown I ended up running in to the nice one and talked to her a few minutes and found out her sister hadn't talked to the family since she was 17 and ran off with some guy from her school that got work as a roadie for Ozzfest
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Jan 8, 2016 13:37
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Booblord Zagats posted:The bitchy one got put in to a private school for problem kids after that, the nice one legit seemed way happier at school after that. DUNNN DUNNN DUNNNN.
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Jan 8, 2016 13:42
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You must shoot, but shoot both of us. It's the only way to ensure the safety of the Enterprise.
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Jan 8, 2016 13:46
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I guess I can contribute. Let me tell you about Peter, Peter was tall, lanky, and dumb. I'm pretty sure he mostly just grazed getting past the special ed classes somehow. Anyways he notoriously did stupid poo poo like putting acid on his shirt / skin to see what would happen. But one of the dumbest things I ever saw him do was in like 6th grade science class. We had those bunson burners with the rubber hoses you would put onto a gas valve in order to get them lit and working. Well Peter, in his infinite wisdom would like to play with matches when the teacher was out of the room. He would turn the gas valve on and start lighting a match while looking directly at it. This resulted in a fireball that would PUFF out almost towards his face then disappear. Except the one time it didn't. The flame remained lit and at a roaring pace. By some miracle the teacher came back in saw the blazing fireball and managed to subdue it with a giant bucket of sand. Had they not I'd imagine that could have gone back to the propane tank and caused a giant explosion killing half the class. In the end the gas valve was melted off and the table was pretty much ruined. Peter somehow was mostly fine. I don't think he even singed his eyebrows sadly.
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Jan 8, 2016 13:53
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A guy in my year was head of the school's paramedic team who were supposed to be able to give first aid until the real paramedics arrive. He once told me about the things he had seen: - a kid driving a paper clip into an electrical socket, fortunately not getting killed - another kid breaking its nose by running against the blackboard at full speed - and another one ramming a biro up its nostril and not getting it out again a girl from my class once got a concussion after the glass panel of the window to her left suddenly fell on her head without warning (not her fault). We had signs warning us to not open the windows for months afterwards, in the middle of summer
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Jan 8, 2016 14:02
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there was this one girl who would stick a ruelr up her hoo hah all the time and the teacher got so tired of it she would just call it out in front of the whole class. i think she went on to attempt suicide and some porn, she also used to go around and randomly peopl in the groin, was like 4'5'' too. heer name was tenille or something like that i've never met anyone else with that name before.
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Jan 8, 2016 14:13
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the biggest bully in our school lit his parents' home on fire in 6th grade and we never saw him again. he grew up to shake his baby to death and is in prison.
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Jan 8, 2016 14:25
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cheesetriangles posted:I knew a kid that would drop his pants / underwear all the way to pee at the urinal. 
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Jan 8, 2016 14:30
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Microwaves Mom posted:Had they not I'd imagine that could have gone back to the propane tank and caused a giant explosion killing half the class. Gas lines do not work this way.
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Jan 8, 2016 16:44
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Well, I remember going from three different schools; two public one private. I hopped from kindergarten to 1st-3rd grade, then settling down 4th-8th in a private catholic one. loving expensive though, but a good school nonetheless. For the record, I have no idea where any of my classmates have ended up now but I do not care. From what I can remember from the Catholic school... I'll start with Michael, short guy who always tried to roll his fists around and make me hold him back like a bad 1920's silent movie fight. Got above average grades and was my friend, then he snapped one day after we got an argument over a video game and I gave burger king gift cards to one of the girls for helping me with classwork. From that point on he kept making passive aggressive remarks at me and getting me in trouble by saying something stupid then blaming me with a poo poo eating grin afterward. I heard a rumor that he regressed into a trailer park after 8th grade was over. Then there was Carl, who was made into the class bitch because he was short but he was cool and didn't mind it. At one point he punched me in the arm as hard as he could as a test of strength or something but it didn't really hurt. I didn't mind though since I was a good kid. Nick was the kind of kid that always made and laughed at his own chuck norris jokes and he explained xbox live to me. My aforementioned rival got super butthurt when I was talking to Nick instead of him. Can't really think of anything wrong with him. Carl was a lot more tolerable than Tyler or Devon, both short but the difference was that they were trash. Tyler was the stereotypical chubby-cheeks down syndrome kid minus the retardation, he just didn't learn to keep his mouth shut. Tyler also got half the boys in trouble, including me, over false stories of ball tapping. They had to sit out recess for a week because of him. Luckily the teacher came to her senses and realized I wouldn't do something as stupid as that and let me off the hook. Devon was a black kid with glasses and a full set of the Fonz hair, sort of. At one point in math class he kept talking so much that I just said "Please stop talking" and everybody else in the room agreed with me. He got detentions routinely. gently caress them both. Then we had Christopher. He was about 4."11, had a voice which I can only relate to as the voice of a chronic chain smoker who needs a microphone to speak, sandpaper-like hair which was half an inch thick at best, and thick glasses. Whenever we had outdoor recess he would always bother the girls by intentionally acting weird via making weird noises, and sometimes it would carry over to other classes. When it came to field trips nobody would partner up with him or I, so I was stuck with him per trip. At least he knew better than acting weird when we were out in public and he wasn't that bad at all in the end. Christopher hung out with Matthew. The only thing I remember is that he had glasses, black hair, and loving hairy legs when he played Jesus Christ when I had to nail him to the cross as a guard. I remember Dillon, another nerd that swung me around by the arm on an icy blacktop and I landed hard on my dominant hand, spraining it so bad I couldn't move it at all. This was the one time at my Catholic school I got in a fight, and everybody came to my aid and held down Dillon so I could crash my fist on the back of his head as hard as I could. The bell rung right after as fate and we were forced to go in, but none of the authority seemed to chime in on the fight. Luckily in fifth grade out teacher emphasized writing with our left hands, and I was forced to do so at the cost of my handwriting being near-illegible. loving poo poo birthday in the end; I couldn't even use my hand to use a fork to eat cake when I got home. Years passed, we forgot about the whole incident, and became friends by 8th grade by means of both being aftercare and getting a head start on our homework . Last I remember was him talking about spark plugs and helping work on his father's car. Karen was the other student that had to go to aftercare, with Dillon and I. Tall, had glasses, luscious brown hair, but acne all across her forehead. When we weren't during homework, we killed time by talking about science and cool as poo poo animals like mantis shrimps. She talked a lot about getting a military job and having a family afterward. One time she ended the discussion with a painfully long and cringy euphemism for loving and having kids which I vividly remember. Was a hospitable girl and nice to be around in general, though. Austin, one of the "bad street" cut kids gave me credit for hitting Dillon on the back of the head. I think he held a grudge against him as well or thought I was badass since I got into a fight or something. He commonly referred to himself as Senior Sexy as day one with a heavy emphasis on rolling the "R". Was pasty white, blonde, and would fit right in with a semi trashy garage band if that helps. We had another Michael who was one of the token black kids but he was cool. Everybody kinda picked on him throughout the year but like Carl he didn't mind. I told a lot of prison shower soap jokes to him and tried so hard to hold in his laughter after each one. I specifically remember swatting his pencil pouch on the floor about three times throughout the years and going "PICK UP THAT SOAP!" and he would go "I'll just bend down to pick it up in the shower when nobody is looking in the dark corner of it...". Looking back I feel like an rear end in a top hat about it and wished I didn't do it so much to him, but oh well  I had an Ivy-League material schmuck named Ian. He was a fast as poo poo runner and always placed first when we had to run half/a whole mile in gym class, played football for the school team and easily got A's in all parts of our mathematics class. Ian would always butter up the 80 year old history teacher because they shared a massive hard on for sports. On one of the last recess's of 8th grade when he was playing football he got his head smashed against a wall and had to be rushed to the ER and get a dozen stitches. The perpetrator was the 7 foot tall burly football playing dude called Cameron who always got a detention a week. Ian was excused from the rest of the last few days but not a good way to start your summer. For me personally, I was that one quiet kid who was never into sports unlike the rest of the boys and just idly walked around the blacktop at recess doing gently caress all while thinking about running away from the school property, but never did. When it came to the science class, I was literally the only one who would raise my hand and answer questions and comprehend the material. I don't know why everybody had an aversion to science even though our science teacher was loving awesome, but I carried our class through science nonetheless. Of course, this came to bite me in the rear end when I got a B- in religion. Religion class also had some cool moments when we watched anime about bible stories. I'll post interesting bits from the other two schools later, this post as gone on long enough. I'll end with the fact I constantly drew sketches of white tailed deer and robins and passed them around the class and that became the meme for 6th grade that year 
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Jan 8, 2016 18:30
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i threw a kid's boots on the roof. mumphrey reigned supreme that day let me tell you
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Jan 8, 2016 18:40
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I'm not sure what grade I was in, probably 3rd or 4th grade, this one kid revealed to me that he was actually an undercover spy for the CIA. I then revealed to him that I was also a spy for the CIA and that we should work together. You'd think we'd be friends after that but he got really pissed at me and said I was not a spy, which is when I told him I didn't think he was a spy either. It started a cold war between us for that lasted for the rest of the year, doing poo poo like pushing a little too hard during touch football or stepping on the back of each other's heels when in line. I guess the crazy kid in this story is as much me as the other kid.
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Jan 8, 2016 18:48
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I knew a girl who gave blowjobs in 5th grade. I literally didn't know what that was at the time. Thinking back I can only imagine the horrible life at home she must have had, but in school the fact was whispered in awe to each other.
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Jan 8, 2016 18:58
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In 4th grade, a kid, who we will call Brad, from my class brought something silly to school. During recess, Brad went to his closest friends to show them some cool Polaroids he took. You see, these were not good friends of his, they snatched the polaroids from Brad and ran off to show everyone on the school yard. They ran to me and shouted with glee, "look at Brad's pictures!" What I saw on those Polaroids was disgusting and disturbing. You see, Brad thought it will be silly to take naked pictures of himself and another guy, which later we find out is his male cousin, having full on gay sex. There were like a dozen of them.... whelp his parents had to pick him up from our class room. The teachers threw the pictures away in the dumpster. When class was over and I was walking home, i saw a bunch of kids digging through the trash looking for the pictures. Edgar fucked around with this message at 19:09 on Jan 8, 2016 |
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Jan 8, 2016 19:06
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wow, gay sex and blow jobs before middle school even started, American public schools are loving garbage.
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Jan 8, 2016 19:09
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When I was in elementary school there was this Asian kid that took a poo poo in the bathroom and picked up his dookie and smeared his face with it and ran around the classroom with it in his hands.
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Jan 8, 2016 19:10
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vyst posted:When I was in elementary school there was this Asian kid that took a poo poo in the bathroom and picked up his dookie and smeared his face with it and ran around the classroom with it in his hands. What happened to him after that
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Jan 8, 2016 19:16
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Hector Beerlioz posted:What happened to him after that I think they put him in the SLD class but his mom wanted him tested for Gifted
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Jan 8, 2016 19:18
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a bone to pick posted:wow, gay sex and blow jobs before middle school even started, American public schools are loving garbage.  Forgot to add that there was this albino kid who never spoke at all. Ever. Then the principal called him to read a paragraph about Saul the persecutor to the entire school. Imagine the thickest, heaviest, stuttering eastern-European lisp you can, and that was that kid. That's why he never spoke. Poor guy From Kindergarten and up to third grade... One time, I vomited all over the classroom the moment I stepped in. I still remember the pink-white bile and half digested cheerio's I spited the class room with. I think one of the black kids had a vomit fetish and was the only one in group that wasn't horrified and instead looking with perverted approval. I got sent home that day. In first grade we had a pet hermit crab on top of a bookshelf. Periodically we were sent by the bookshelf to read lovely books. I accidentally pushed against the bookshelf and caused the whole thing to collapse. The teacher looked mortified for a good half minute before we had to right several challenging words for first graders five times each. That was the end of our class pet and we never got a replacement. Since I was with several other students I don't think the teacher ever found out who was responsible. Also in first grade, this motherfucker from a trailer park forced himself to be friends to me just because we had the same name. He had half his head of hair and eyes that look like the proptosis powerup from Binding of Isaac, sounded like a super high pitched version of the angry German kid, and was missing one of his incisors. He always asked for sleepovers, and the one time I accepted, a whole bunch of miserable poo poo happened. He bit me multiple times on my arm, broke my n64's reset button, vomited all over my driveway, and acted hyper all around because we didn't know he was missing his medication. Even with his medication I don't think things would've changed much. We banned him from coming around again, and next year he had to go to a different school. Thank GOD. Also my 1st-3rd grade school in general had a lump of poo poo on the floor of the bathroom stall, and 9/10 the stalls were caked in toilet paper, piss, and poo poo. Thinking back to it now makes my gut churn. The boys and I would hide from the teachers and play basketball with paper towels as small compensation. It was also not uncommon for the entire class to get up, run around and yell, and do cartwheels while the teacher was gone. They never took the hint that ears exist. Throughout 1st-3rd grade, the only real friend I made was this black kid called Ernest. His face was the shape of an almond, and thick bags under his eyes. We played our own version of rock paper scissors by adding our own elements such as legs, one bite, fly, plant, dark room, thief, and sandwich. Commonly the formula would be "rock, paper, scissors, legs, one bite, and that's it one two three!" and make a mouth with his hand to eat a pair of finger legs. We would also NEVER use the original rock, paper, or scissors. In fact, I remember most of the new elements we added: Legs was the cornerstone of our game, just a pair of fingers walking around. One bite was a mouth that would eat things and move around. Fly was like legs but would fly around Dark room was where legs couldn't see and would run into something, usually a wall or one bite then get eaten Thief would steal things, and hungry thief would steal something then eat legs. Plant was like one bite but would be stationary. Sandwich was what one bite would usually eat then get chased out by legs. For the kids we were, making little scenarios with our hands via rock paper scissors was class A entertainment.  Then he got a detention by giving the gym teacher the middle finger. Not cool, Ernest. 
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Jan 8, 2016 19:21
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had the usuals, a girl who thought she was a cat, a girl who loved horses, a boy who wanted to show everyone his wiener... but the strangest kid was probably Paul. Paul would probably have been diagnosed as autistic if that was as big a thing back then. he wasn't stupid or anything, just very unique. he was incredibly lanky, about 5" taller than the rest of us with the spindly arms of a contortionist. his glasses had thin rims and thick glass. he came from a family with the standard christian litter of 6 kids and since he was the one closest to my age, our parents made us hang out. i was a very athletic child who loved nothing more than riding my bike through the neighborhood. Paul was not, and was quite scared of both bikes and neighborhoods and in fact pretty much anything outside of playing with his Lego, which he had religiously organized into tiny boxes based on piece type and color. kid was a Lego savant. he could build anything you can imagine and concocted intricate backstories for all his creations. for instance, an airplane he built from cannibalized pieces of the gungan submarine set was flown by a WWII ace who could transform into a lizard due to radiation exposure. he was also obsessed with WWII and the movie saving private ryan, since for some reason all the republican parents thought that film was mandatory viewing for their 8 year old boys. he didn't do very well with other kids since he'd scream if you used his Lego in any way he found inappropriate such as putting pieces in the wrong boxes, using the wrong names for his minifigs, or breaking character when playing though a pretend setting, usually based on the normandy landings. also he always wanted to shower with me. last I saw of him he apparently got married, I suspect though the arrangements of his parents. he looks like a larger version of his 3rd grade self in this years Christmas card.
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Jan 8, 2016 19:24
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Elementary school was too many long ages of the world ago, don't remember. But I went to summer school in jr high once so I could cram in more electives during the school year and I remember these two guys hounding this girl with a nifty little lyric: "crack ROCKS in da jewl'ry BOX!" and I thought it was clever. To be fair she did look like a crackhead. Or methhead more likely, given that it was the early 90s.
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Jan 8, 2016 19:27
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when i was in 6th grade, this dude i had a crush on accused one of my friends of masturbating with a barbie leg i looked him up like a decade later and it turned out he was in prison for beating a guy to death with a baseball bat
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Jan 8, 2016 19:28
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I think back when I was in the 8th grade, a bunch of girls started cutting themselves as some sort of sick hobby or something.
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Jan 8, 2016 20:17
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