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 Even though the thumbnails are censored and all NWS content is tagged this is probably not a thread suitable to read at work or near your mom Previous entries in the "What the gently caress am I reading right now" department - I downloaded literal vintage German dungeon porn by mistake - I downloaded more hosed up German porn, this time with corpse loving - Ridiculous Porn 3: A Hitler murder mystery - Bill Zebub: Autism, Narcissism, Heavy Metal, and Tits - Snuffet: Jim Henson has the weirdest boner right now Our movie feature today is: Bloodsucking Freaks   https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NykspMzYQxk Buckle in kids, cause this one is going to be long. This is one crazy loving movie. Bloodsucking Freaks was originally titled "Sardu: Master of the Screaming Virgins" during production. Upon release to theaters in 1976 it was re-titled to "The Incredible Torture Show", the name it held during it's theatrical run. Ultimately it was released on DVD/VHS and was finally re-named Bloodsucking Freaks. This is the name by which you will be able to find the movie if you are curious on giving it a watch. It is considered one of the top 100 most controversial films of all-time, and for good reason. Nearly every single shot in this movie contains a graphic amount of nudity. I had to really try my hardest to find screen shots that would be SFW, and in some cases it just wasn't even possible. I had to manually add some censor bars to a few just so this entire review wouldn't be text with clicking links to NWS content. People are lazy and want thumbnails, also I am probably asking a lot of you to even read through this massive post. On top of the graphic amount of nudity this movie also contains a hilarious amount of torture. In fact one could argue that 80% of this movie is naked ladies being tortured. It thinly skates the line between porn and feature film. The plot is thin and basically exists simply so the writer/director could release the movie as non-pornography. The movie actually was cut to fit an R rating, but when it came time to send out the film to the theaters the distribution company sent the uncut version to them and told them it was rated R. The distribution company ended up getting sued for misuse of the MPAA rating system. The film has gained enough notoriety that on the DVD famed horror director and lovely actor Eli Roth has his own commentary track where he tells you just how much he loves watching woman get tortured. Wikipedia posted:Scott Weinberg from eFilmCritic.com panned the film stating in his review, "When people use the term 'bottom of the barrel', they often forget about the UNDERSIDE of the barrel, which is where poorly-made dreck like this belongs. It offers absolutely NOTHING in the way of entertainment, and I think you're a cruel little nutcase if you talk someone else into seeing it," also calling it "The nastiest, filthiest and just about WORST thing you will EVER SEE". IMDb Plot Synopsis posted:Sardu, master of the Theatre of the Macabre, and his assistant Ralphus run a show in which, under the guise of 'magic', they torture and murder people in front of their audience. But what the punters see as a trick is actually real. So without further wasting your time, because this post is going to run long with the amount of thumbnails included, let's get down to business. The movie opens with a midget, who I am naming Skeeter Dinklage, opening a wooden crate and strapping a woman to some hooks to be moved. She is going to be the main attraction for the evening at the Theater of the Macabre. It's important to note that the main villain does a lot of woman-shipping and essentially runs a white slavery ring. It's how he funds his theater, but the film only informs you of that in a slightly ambiguous way later on.  We are introduced to Louis CK, our villain. He goes on in a monologue as villains do, informing his small audience that they are about to witness a spectacular show. Louis is basically trying to pass off real torture in a live theater as special effects for no other reason than because it makes him horny.  The first victim of the movie is strapped to a chair where she then has a number of vices attached to her. Skeeter goes to town on the vices and starts tightening away. In the end you could say she will never be the head of a major corporation. http://i.imgur.com/GcpL7Dq.png Not satisfied with the realism of the torture, an audience member pipes up. This man claims to be an eclectic Yelptheater newspaper reviewer, and he is not impressed. This is a man who has seen some poo poo long before the internet existed.  Louis decides to up the ante to try and silence Yelpman. To do this he drags our second victim of the evening on stage. They throw her hand in a vice and Skeeter then saws her hand off and begins showing it to the crowd. http://i.imgur.com/q7zPG6X.jpg Skeeter isn't done there! Next he rips her eyeball out with his bare hands and then eats it. Skeeter is hardcore as gently caress.  After the evenings theatrical entertainment is over Louis CK begins to panhandle as his guests exit, even though he doesn't actually need the money. Yelpman tells Louis he sucks poo poo and he won't even give him the courtesy of a bad review for his lame rear end show. He doesn't want his readers to even have a morbid curiosity on how stupid it may be and show up by accident. He smacks Louis money from his hand and walks out in a huff. A real tough guy.  In order to show that time is passing we are shown Skeeter feeding some demon ladies holed up in a dungeon cage. He feeds them human body parts like some sort of dog in Ramsey's kennel on GoT.  We are then shown just how refined Louis is while he eats dinner. He has a taste for forniphilia it seems, even though that's a pretty tame fetish. Weird but relatively tame. His table gets hot wax in her rear end in a top hat and he kicks her over in anger. HOW DARE SHE RUIN HIS FRIEND CHICKEN!  Louis is then abruptly interrupted by his sexy black slave girl assistant. His "people" have kidnapped Yelpman (by flashing him with a massive white dildo at an art gallery  )and have him prepping in the dungeons. Louis gets yet another monologue while sitting on his human chair. Yelpman tells him to gently caress off and that "there's nothing you can do that would disgust me". Because Yelpman fancies himself a professional of the hosed up Louis tells him he will do whatever is necessary to drive him mad. To prove just how serious he is Louis has Skeeter tie a woman to a dungeon bench and attach metal clamps to her nipples. He then electrocutes the poo poo out of her for a bit. This still does not impress Yelpman who has a constitution of steel. http://i.imgur.com/QmEFRI6.jpg We are then treated to hilarious shots of Skeeter riding a lady like a horse while he whips her rear end with a flog. Smoking a blunt the entire time. A true american hero. During this Louis continues to monologue to Yelpman about just how ~serious business~ he is. This guy sure loves to loving talk and also make other people do his bidding. http://i.imgur.com/BUbuxMR.jpg Later on that evening Louis meets with a Russian clients middle-man. He offers him $1 million dollars for a sex slave. A pretty high price if you ask me. I'm pretty sure girls are cheaper than that in a sex slavery ring. But what do I know. The girl gets boxed up and shipped out to Russia.  Louis takes his new generic briefcase of cash and decides to hide it. The obvious choice is in a secret floor board inside the cage of crazed naked ladies. I guess this is his version of hiding cash under the Pitbull dog house.  We check up on Yelpman, who is still telling Louis he is a pussy. The conviction of this guy! Louis informs him that he is eating human body parts to which his response is to -eating intensifies-. I like this guy's "gently caress you!" attitude.  Pop back to a sex scene between two former audience members, Mark and Natasha, from the first nights theater show. Why are they involved so abruptly? Bad writing. They gently caress and are shown to be in love by embracing in a doorway on her way to take a piss.  Natasha is a BIG TIME ballerina. She has a costume and everything. While she is getting ready for her big show Skeeter pops out of loving no where and tranq darts her like a gorilla.  Natasha is then strung up in some hot lingerie and hung in the dungeons. Skeeter smashes the poo poo out of some cymbals in some form of ear torture that became annoying incredibly quickly. Louis monologues again, for the millionth time already, and tells Natasha she is all part of his big picture plan to have his theater take off. He wants her to dance for him. I guess hiring ballerinas with the million dollars he has is out of the question and he must resort to kidnapping. She refuses.  Mark starts to get worried about his lover and phones the police who basically tell him to gently caress off and that no one cares about missing women. Maybe he should have mentioned she was hot?  Thus begins the process of trying to brainwash/convince Natasha she must dance for the theater show. To do this they strap her to a wheelchair and force her to watch other blonde girls getting the poo poo tortured out of them. The torturer is some doctor that was hired previously to make sure Natasha was in good health for her performance. Hannibal Lecter here decides to pull this poor woman's teeth out one by one with some pliers.  After that is not effective enough Hannibal moves on to bigger and better things. Like drilling a hole in to that lady's skull and drinking her brain juices through a straw. Man, this movie is edgy. Ultimately though Natasha knows they can't kill her and continues to deny dancing in Louis' creepy theater show.  On his way out Hannibal is somehow tricked into walking into the dungeon room with the horde of lunatic cannibal girls. They promptly over take him and start pulling organs out of his body and eating them. Most notably a cow heart that is like 10 times the size of a normal person's heart. Very realistic.  What is Skeeter and Louis up to while this is happening? Playing darts with a human dart board of course! Bullseye! Mark ends up meeting with a shady cop Jon Lovitz. Jon here explains to him that he's willing to take his case for a small fee, because that's how shady cops work. Mark agrees, all he wants is his beloved Natasha back. Poor dude.  We return back to the dungeons for some more torture. Natasha is still strapped to a wheelchair and forced to watch as a woman is tied to a cross post like Theon Greyjoy and "stretched". I'll stretch her if you know what I mean  http://i.imgur.com/LujSqkB.png Next is probably one of my favorite parts of the movie because of how over the top and ridiculous it is. A woman is forced into a guillotine, and the rope holding the blade up is put in her mouth. She is in charge of her own destiny. However, she also has to deal with not screaming while being flogged on her rear end. For obvious reasons she is not able to keep her mouth closed and the guillotine comes crashing down on her. Skeeter pulls the severed head out of the basket and then skullfucks it with his midget dick.  Having given up for the day on trying to convince Natasha to cooperate Louis and Skeeter retire to the game room. Here they play backgammon with some lady's severed fingers. These woman voluntarily give up their very permanent digits for a 5 minute board game. Priorities. http://i.imgur.com/owQXyhy.jpg Let's check up on Yelpman.... oh. He's on a hunger strike until they let him go. So Skeeter must force feed him the human organs so he doesn't die.  Where were we, oh yes, convincing Natsha to dance in the theater show. To do this Louis feels it's wise to kidnap yet another ballerina. Second best in the land compared to Natsha. Skeeter cuts off her feet with a god drat chainsaw so she can dance no more and dances around with them and shoves them in Natasha's face. This seemingly does the trick! She is now officially on board and totally brainwashed. Just like that! Wow Natasha, did you really have to be so difficult before?  Jon Lovitz somehow discovers that Natsha is billed to dance at Louis' theater show shortly. He tells Mark that she isn't missing and that he is a whiny piss baby. But for no reason will go down there with him and investigate why she up and left Mark. They meet up with brainwashed Natasha and she tells them everything is A-OK. She's happy as a clam!  Jon Lovitz doesn't buy it. Instead of calling her out he decides the best course of action is to come back later and extort Louis for some cash. He points his dinky rear end gun at Louis and demands in on the action. He settles for $100,000 as a bribe to keep quiet. Jon's big mouth doesn't come cheap.  For some reason that is never explained Mark and Jon decide to attend the theater show being held that night. Maybe Mark just wants to see Natasha. Maybe Jon wants to secure his investment. I'm just guessing. Anyway, while there Jon tells Mark theres about jack poo poo he can do and that his girlfriend is gone forever. I guess dancing in a show must mean they have to stop dating?  We are treated to a show that is quite literally just Natasha kicking Yelpman in the face a bunch of times. The audience loves it! This is the crazy success Louis was dreaming of!  After the show Jon has a change of heart. Why? Because he was already paid, that's why! He's a shady cop and does whatever the gently caress he wants. Don't question it. They find Louis' dungeon and investigate themselves while loudly stating they don't want any other cops brought in on this just in case they somehow gently caress it up ( ). While in the dungeons they manage to over power the loving midget and assistant torture lady. Hard stuff. Real tough guys. They tie them up so they won't cause any further problems. The last piece of the puzzle is bringing in Louis. They walk in on him laying in bed and making out with a dead Yelpman. Sexy! They tie him to the Theon Greyjoy post while they sweep the rest of his dungeon.  Jon Lovitz tries to rescue the deranged cannibal girls, but suffers the same fate as Hannibal Lecter. Eaten by pussy, and not the other way around. RIP Jon.  Louis hears Jon Lovitz being eaten alive and laughs maniacally. Muhahahahah! I'm so EVIL!  Natasha brains an unsuspecting Mark in the back of the head with a sledgehammer that she finds on the ground out of nowhere. Poor bastard didn't even see it coming. How could he have known she was so deeply brainwashed? (Maybe by her erratic behavior)  Thus we come to the end scene of the movie. The cannibal girls are let out of their cage due to Jon Lovitz's negligence and they run rampant through the dungeons. Finding a tied up midget, sexy assistant, and Louis, they kill them and behead them. They then have a swinging 70s dance party in the nude instead of leaving their hell hole dungeon home. One girl eats a sandwich made with Louis' dick... http://i.imgur.com/ggGCTMN.jpg The End  2/5 Windows 98 fucked around with this message at 22:19 on Jun 1, 2016 |
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Jun 1, 2016 05:47
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I'm waiting for the Variety review. edit: I have reported this thread.
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Jun 1, 2016 06:02
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Thanks for the play by play. I feel like I just watched a very dumb movie but I didn't. It's all a bit confusing.
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Jun 1, 2016 06:20
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Maybe you should stop posting threads, Windows. I didn't even get a sentence into this one before skipping the rest.
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Jun 1, 2016 06:22
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JiveHonky posted:Thanks for the play by play. I feel like I just watched a very dumb movie but I didn't. It's all a bit confusing. You're welcome Honkster 
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Jun 1, 2016 12:32
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A very good, but not great thread addressing the classic Bloodsucking Freaks. Not bad. Also, a very good, high effort OP
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Jun 1, 2016 12:44
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Ah I remember people talking about this one in high school, never got a chance to see it. What a load of poo poo.
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Jun 1, 2016 12:46
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Captain Yossarian posted:high effort OP It is my specialty
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Jun 1, 2016 18:18
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Is there a good place to find this in DVD ? I'd Google on my work computer but "Bloodsucking Freaks" isn't a good look for work search history
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Jun 1, 2016 18:24
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Thanks OP, now I don't have to watch it in full and can just skip across the nudey parts A+
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Jun 1, 2016 18:37
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I prefer Japanese movies where women beat each other up erotically (it's a whole genre, Windows 98, you'd probably like it) but Bloodsucking Freaks is a fun film too.
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Jun 1, 2016 18:40
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blood sucking freaks is song by rock band church of misery
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Jun 1, 2016 18:42
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Tiberius Thyben posted:Maybe you should stop posting threads, Windows. I didn't even get a sentence into this one before skipping the rest. haha same I am glad I have you to synergize with tiberius
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Jun 1, 2016 18:43
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I'd love to see a documentary on the making of really lovely movies like these. Thanks for the thread
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Jun 1, 2016 19:46
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You are doing God's work, Windows 98.
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Jun 1, 2016 19:52
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I saw this film as an extremely naive and sheltered teenager long before The Internet desensitized everyone and was pretty traumatized by it. I saw it with The Perils Of Gwendoline and was pulled violently from the safe warm cocoon of childhood into the 24/7 sex and death bacchanalia of modern adult life. feels good, man
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Jun 1, 2016 21:30
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Dirk Squarejaw posted:You are doing God's work, Windows 98. I was going to post about how God probably wouldn't approve of this movie and then I remembered he is wrathful as gently caress and has a boner for killing people, so chances are God would love this movie.
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Jun 1, 2016 22:05
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I liked the miniature William Murderface, where can I get one
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Jun 1, 2016 22:05
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Windows 98 posted:I was going to post about how God probably wouldn't approve of this movie and then I remembered he is wrathful as gently caress and has a boner for killing people, so chances are God would love this movie. First and foremost, this movie is old testament as gently caress Secondly, this is a great thread and you made my last our of work amazing.
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Jun 1, 2016 22:54
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I first heard of this one when it was covered in Fangoria way back when. While the article was fairly accurate about the movie, the pictures weren't from the movie but what looked like completely different actors recreating the movie's scenes. Never found an explanation for that and it did throw me off when I finally did sit through the movie. I don't so much enjoy or hate the movie, it's more a 'I can't believe the poo poo they put on film for this' kinda thing.
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Jun 1, 2016 22:59
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The film was campaigned against by Women Against Pornography, that's how you know it's good. Also, Seamus O'Brien was murdered shortly after (or before, I forget) the movie came out in a botched burglary. Again, a sign of quality. All around a good film for boys aged 13 to 17.
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Jun 1, 2016 23:11
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ya think ya know about grindhouse movies now kid..ahaha
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Jun 1, 2016 23:30
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do Salo next
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Jun 1, 2016 23:34
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op, you should ask admins if you could write front page articles
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Jun 2, 2016 00:09
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If you're ever in Kansas City and you want a special treat, go into a greasy spoon diner and order a snoot sandwich with "extra mustard", but you have to say "extra mustard" in like a totally affected way, like with an accent or something. They'll bring you Louis C.K.'s severed penis in between two slices of rye bread with some Swiss cheese and yellow mustard.
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Jun 2, 2016 00:31
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Hogge Wild posted:op, you should ask admins if you could write front page articles i agree its pretty much the only way mods can hellban anyone these days
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Jun 2, 2016 00:41
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next do a long screencap filled pbp of My Dinner With Andre
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Jun 2, 2016 00:49
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I thought this was the new got thread
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Jun 2, 2016 01:00
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Glaucus atlanticus posted:I liked the miniature William Murderface, where can I get one
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Jun 2, 2016 01:01
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Hogge Wild posted:op, you should ask admins if you could write front page articles I'm not sure Lowtax is that desperate yet
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Jun 2, 2016 01:04
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#GBSHATESWOMEN
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Jun 2, 2016 01:08
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Drink Cheerwine posted:#GBSHATESWOMEN thank you for using the hashtag!
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Jun 2, 2016 01:09
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That is a surprisingly complex plot for a piece of torture porn. Also it would be really hosed up if the premise of the show within the movie was actually the truth behind the movie, in which they actually killed the girls in the film IRL. That's about as meta as it gets.
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Jun 2, 2016 01:53
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Naerasa posted:That is a surprisingly complex plot for a piece of torture porn. It's more of a black comedy with lots of torture and porn in it.
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Jun 2, 2016 01:54
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Nigmaetcetera posted:It's more of a black comedy with lots of torture and porn in it. Starring Tyler Perry
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Jun 2, 2016 03:02
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Weird remake of Salo
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Jun 2, 2016 03:22
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Windows 98 posted:I'm not sure Lowtax is that desperate yet have you tried sending them? not that i read the front page often, maybe once a month, but that kind of posts fit better imo to the front page where some effort is required, but it's not as important to get posts from the rest of the goons in response e: and i'm not trying to diss you or anything
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Jun 2, 2016 05:28
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someone paid 1000 american dollars to only read his posts once a month its sounds like a good fit
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Jun 2, 2016 05:37
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ScrotoTurboSperg posted:someone paid 1000 american dollars to only read his posts once a month lol and he was a also made a mod during that time
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Jun 2, 2016 05:42
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nice review although im not seeing the Louis CK comparison. this movie was real dumb
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Jun 2, 2016 07:04
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