You are dead at your age.

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > You are dead at your age.

Sophy Wackles: Dec 17, 2000; > access main security grid
access: PERMISSION DENIED.

Yes, it's true, you are dead. :rip:

You have lived a sinful life but you have a good heart. Welcome to purgatory! There are many fun things you can do in purgatory. For instance you can:

Tell spooky ghost stories.
Make funny jokes about the living.
Haunt your enemies.
Befriend the living so they may help you with unfinished business.
Repent and work your way to the next level of purgatory with the goal of going to heaven.
Petition the devil for entry into hell.
Spin the Wheel of Reincarnation and reincarnate as a random life form. Most likely you will be a Tardigrade.
Make new friends at the annual purgatory ball!

Anyhow, please enjoy your time here!

# ? Mar 19, 2018 18:56

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# ? May 26, 2024 20:57

myDad: Jan 20, 2010; ce n'est pas ma m�re; College Slice

hi who wants to be my friend?

# ? Mar 19, 2018 18:58

FlimFlam Imam: Mar 1, 2007; Standing on a hill in my mountain of dreams

Is that Freedom Rock? Turn it up!

# ? Mar 19, 2018 18:59

Tinfoil Papercut: Jul 27, 2016; by Athanatos

Me: "So... Satan... tell me your side of the story."

Satan: "Well it's like this, everything was all white and pure and they had all these rules. I told god 'Hey, what about all these folks who aren't perfect - why can't we make room for them?' and he's all like 'Nawww man, you can't let them in - they don't follow our rules!' I thought that was total poo poo so I left and started my own place where people can come hang out who aren't 100% perfect. It's not even that hot - we just had the broken A/C that one time."

Me: "Woah! That doesn't sound bad at all! I'll do it!"

Satan: "You got it man!"

Me: *Burns in eternal hellfire while being double-teamed by 900 lb. demons*

# ? Mar 19, 2018 19:07

Mermaid Autopsy: Jun 9, 2001

it's ok, socrates and xenophon tell the best stories

# ? Mar 19, 2018 19:09

Cubone: May 26, 2011; Because it never leaves its bedroom, no one has ever seen this poster's real face.

got to say I�m really not happy to get stuck with the form I had upon death. there I was 9 lbs off my ideal weight, putting in a real effort to burn off the ol� love handles, and now I�m stuck with them. how�s that fair?

# ? Mar 19, 2018 19:10

Frumply: Dec 7, 2004

finally i have become a skeleton

# ? Mar 19, 2018 19:11

Blue Train: Jun 17, 2012

Seems just like being alive except slightly worse, what a rip

# ? Mar 19, 2018 19:12

Beefeater: May 17, 2003; I'm hungry.; Hair Elf

The internet here sucks and there's no pornography. :mad:

# ? Mar 19, 2018 19:14

Sophy Wackles: Dec 17, 2000; > access main security grid
access: PERMISSION DENIED.

Tinfoil Papercut posted:

Me: "So... Satan... tell me your side of the story."

Satan: "Well it's like this, everything was all white and pure and they had all these rules. I told god 'Hey, what about all these folks who aren't perfect - why can't we make room for them?' and he's all like 'Nawww man, you can't let them in - they don't follow our rules!' I thought that was total poo poo so I left and started my own place where people can come hang out who aren't 100% perfect. It's not even that hot - we just had the broken A/C that one time."

Me: "Woah! That doesn't sound bad at all! I'll do it!"

Satan: "You got it man!"

Me: *Burns in eternal hellfire while being double-teamed by 900 lb. demons*

code:

                   That's hosed up man!
                           /

# ? Mar 19, 2018 19:20

KakerMix: Apr 8, 2004; 8.2 M.P.G.

I just took a dump.

a ghost dump

# ? Mar 19, 2018 19:32

Windows 98: Nov 13, 2005; HTTP 400: Bad post

# ? Mar 19, 2018 19:35

General Dog: Apr 26, 2008; Everybody's working for the weekend

Tinfoil Papercut posted:

Me: "So... Satan... tell me your side of the story."

Satan: "Well it's like this, everything was all white and pure and they had all these rules. I told god 'Hey, what about all these folks who aren't perfect - why can't we make room for them?' and he's all like 'Nawww man, you can't let them in - they don't follow our rules!' I thought that was total poo poo so I left and started my own place where people can come hang out who aren't 100% perfect. It's not even that hot - we just had the broken A/C that one time."

Me: "Woah! That doesn't sound bad at all! I'll do it!"

Satan: "You got it man!"

Me: *Burns in eternal hellfire while being double-teamed by 900 lb. demons*

That's basically how it happens

# ? Mar 19, 2018 19:50

Brother Tadger: Feb 15, 2012; I'm accidentally a suicide bomber!

Tinfoil Papercut posted:

Me: *Burns in eternal hellfire while being double-teamed by 900 lb. demons*

Hell sounds awesome!

# ? Mar 19, 2018 19:51

Nurge: Feb 4, 2009; by Reene; Fun Shoe

gently caress off OP. I wish I was dead. Instead it's this bullshit.

# ? Mar 19, 2018 20:00

Sophy Wackles: Dec 17, 2000; > access main security grid
access: PERMISSION DENIED.

Time for some jokes!

Politics are very en vogue even in purgatory. Did you guys know that ghosts are protected by the Constitution? "Oh?" you say. Yes, the are protected by the Bill of Frights!

Here's one. How do ghosts fly from one place to the other?
By scareplane!

Why do mummies make excellent spies?
They�re good at keeping things under wraps!

How do skeletons call their friends?
On the telebone!

:yohoho:

# ? Mar 19, 2018 20:03

Instruction Manuel: May 15, 2007; Yes, it is what it looks like!

me rn in purgatory:

# ? Mar 19, 2018 20:11

spinderella: Jul 15, 2017; by FactsAreUseless

I'm so pissed. I thought for sure there was no God. I would totally haunt my last boyfriend and end up in hell, having learned nothing from my wretched life.

# ? Mar 19, 2018 20:13

china bot: Sep 7, 2014; you listen HERE pal
SAY GOODBYE TO TELEPHONE SEX; Plaster Town Cop

i'm going to haunt an island that was too expensive and remote to visit in my living life

# ? Mar 19, 2018 20:17

Sorryformybadjokes: Apr 21, 2004; I identify as a simian who pronounces the 'silent' letters in words.; Fallen Rib

my personal theory is that I am already in heaven (I died in a motorcycle accident) and therefore you are all constructs of the holy one only manifested to bring me joy

so

get to it

# ? Mar 19, 2018 20:23

redm: Feb 20, 2016; Sugartime Jones

BloodRed posted:

my personal theory is that I am already in heaven (I died in a motorcycle accident) and therefore you are all constructs of the holy one only manifested to bring me joy

so

get to it

https://youtu.be/Z6Ek3h4HTRE

# ? Mar 19, 2018 20:31

Sophy Wackles: Dec 17, 2000; > access main security grid
access: PERMISSION DENIED.

Spinster posted:

I'm so pissed. I thought for sure there was no God. I would totally haunt my last boyfriend and end up in hell, having learned nothing from my wretched life.

Don't worry Spinster, we have many haunting resources available here; please see the librarian for help. Haunting classes are held on Tuesdays and Thursdays.

# ? Mar 19, 2018 20:50

Hot Dog Day #82: Jul 5, 2003; Soiled Meat

Forget this noise, im spinning the reincarnation wheel and seeing all of you spooky suckers later. Smell you around!

# ? Mar 19, 2018 20:56

china bot: Sep 7, 2014; you listen HERE pal
SAY GOODBYE TO TELEPHONE SEX; Plaster Town Cop

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EXl80LovToU

# ? Mar 19, 2018 20:59

Cubone: May 26, 2011; Because it never leaves its bedroom, no one has ever seen this poster's real face.

jokes on him, that wheel is like 99% insects

# ? Mar 19, 2018 20:59

Blue Train: Jun 17, 2012

Cubone posted:

jokes on him, that wheel is like 99% insects

I'm a bug chaser :grin:

# ? Mar 19, 2018 21:01

Hot Dog Day #82: Jul 5, 2003; Soiled Meat

Cubone posted:

jokes on him, that wheel is like 99% insects

Are you suggesting a goon has more worth than the noble ant?

# ? Mar 19, 2018 21:08

Bored: Jul 26, 2007; Dude, ix-nay on the oice-vay.

myDad posted:

hi who wants to be my friend?

Me! But I just spun the wheel of reincarnation and landed on sea cucumber. Maybe if you go spin it, you'll land on the pearlfish that lives in my butt! Then we can stay bff's!

# ? Mar 19, 2018 21:09

Chinatown: Sep 11, 2001; by Fluffdaddy; Fun Shoe

life and death are the same thing OP!

# ? Mar 19, 2018 21:09

Sleepytime: Dec 21, 2004; two shots of happy, one shot of sad; Soiled Meat

Pretty sure my ghost is aged out of the club for kid ghosts that push stalled cars off of railroad tracks.

Best I can hope for is some second tier haunting like an abandoned mall.

# ? Mar 19, 2018 21:12

ScRoTo TuRbOtUrD: Jan 21, 2007

Cubone posted:

jokes on him, that wheel is like 99% bacteria

# ? Mar 19, 2018 21:48

mind the walrus: Sep 22, 2006

You're telling me I get to watch :911:

and the West asphyxiate itself over the next few decades without any literal skin in the game? gently caress yes pull up a chair.

# ? Mar 19, 2018 21:52

Miggles: Dec 8, 2003

Is your death costume what you die in, or what you are buried / cremated in?

Asking for a friend.

# ? Mar 19, 2018 22:09

ScRoTo TuRbOtUrD: Jan 21, 2007

Tinfoil Papercut posted:

Me: "So... Satan... tell me your side of the story."

Satan: "Well it's like this, everything was all white and pure and they had all these rules. I told god 'Hey, what about all these folks who aren't perfect - why can't we make room for them?' and he's all like 'Nawww man, you can't let them in - they don't follow our rules!' I thought that was total poo poo so I left and started my own place where people can come hang out who aren't 100% perfect. It's not even that hot - we just had the broken A/C that one time."

Me: "Woah! That doesn't sound bad at all! I'll do it!"

Satan: "You got it man!"

Me: *Burns in eternal hellfire while being double-teamed by 900 lb. demons*

hell yeah

# ? Mar 19, 2018 22:09

ScRoTo TuRbOtUrD: Jan 21, 2007

Miggles posted:

Is your death costume what you die in, or what you are buried / cremated in?

Asking for a friend.

bury me in my fanciest clothes and my sluttiest wife when i die

# ? Mar 19, 2018 22:10

Mozi: Apr 4, 2004; Forms change so fast
Time is moving past
Memory is smoke
Gonna get wider when I die; Nap Ghost

*no longer exists*

# ? Mar 19, 2018 22:11

Often Abbreviated: Dec 19, 2017; 1st Severia Tank Brigade
"Ghosts of Honcharivske"

Pawn 17 posted:

Most likely you will be a Tardigrade.

Fuckin sweet sign me up

# ? Mar 19, 2018 22:23

Bored: Jul 26, 2007; Dude, ix-nay on the oice-vay.

Tinfoil Papercut posted:

Me: "So... Satan... tell me your side of the story."

Satan: "Well it's like this, everything was all white and pure and they had all these rules. I told god 'Hey, what about all these folks who aren't perfect - why can't we make room for them?' and he's all like 'Nawww man, you can't let them in - they don't follow our rules!' I thought that was total poo poo so I left and started my own place where people can come hang out who aren't 100% perfect. It's not even that hot - we just had the broken A/C that one time."

Me: "Woah! That doesn't sound bad at all! I'll do it!"

Satan: "You got it man!"

Me: *Burns in eternal hellfire while being double-teamed by 900 lb. demons*

OH. You've read that kindle erotica, too?

# ? Mar 19, 2018 22:42

Papa Emeritus III: Jul 7, 2017; [A MESSAGE FROM THE CLERGY]

Dat's Pussy Trap, bitch!

_{_{Deal with it.}}

myDad posted:

hi who wants to be my friend?

I will.

# ? Mar 19, 2018 22:43

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# ? May 26, 2024 20:57

OXBALLS DOT COM: Sep 11, 2005; by FactsAreUseless; Young Orc

The devil never tells the truth but technically everything he says is factual. So basically like the media

# ? Mar 19, 2018 22:48

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > You are dead at your age.

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