Confess to your imaginary crimes

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SardonicTyrant: BTICH IM A NEWT
熱くなれ夢みた明日を
必ずいつかつかまえる
走り出せ振り向くことなく
&

Committing chronodultry (having an affair with your wife's younger self)

# ? Aug 3, 2019 17:15

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# ? Jun 4, 2024 22:40

Twenty Four

*Thinks really hard* Okay killing.... wait no umm... speeding really fast? Okay just sort of jaywalking but only a little bit, like cutting the corners at the crosswalk. Sorry I don't have a good imagination.

# ? Aug 3, 2019 17:57

xcheopis

It was I who stole the cookie from the cookie jar.

# ? Aug 3, 2019 18:43

GODSPEED JOHN GLENN: I put my thumb up my bum and shut one eye, and my thumb blotted out the planet Earth.

I am guilty of first degree man's laughter

# ? Aug 4, 2019 00:43

SardonicTyrant: BTICH IM A NEWT
熱くなれ夢みた明日を
必ずいつかつかまえる
走り出せ振り向くことなく
&

GODSPEED JOHN GLENN posted:

I am guilty of first degree man's laughter

Jesus Christ

# ? Aug 4, 2019 01:13

Lil Swamp Booger Baby

I went into a showing of Passion of the Christ and every two minutes yelled out "Fake" "Gay" "Boring" until the end of the movie

# ? Aug 4, 2019 02:04

Manifisto

treated the second law of thermodynamics as more of a suggestion

ty nesamdoom!

# ? Aug 4, 2019 04:13

The Klowner: by Jeffrey of YOSPOS

Killing an endangered dinosaur

# ? Aug 4, 2019 04:43

420 SWAGLORD: saban bajramovic

I don't pay taxes on my bitcoin income

My pets are unregistered

These fists are deadly weapons, but I never tell them at the airport

I collect and store rainwater without a permit

I'm speeding on the information superhighway RIGHT NOW

# ? Aug 4, 2019 04:45

GODSPEED JOHN GLENN: I put my thumb up my bum and shut one eye, and my thumb blotted out the planet Earth.

420 SWAGLORD posted:

I collect and store rainwater without a permit

Holy poo poo

# ? Aug 4, 2019 06:45

Lil Swamp Booger Baby

I collect and store permits outdoors where they are destroyed by rainwater.

These permits are permits for collecting and storing rainwater.

# ? Aug 4, 2019 06:51

canyoneer: I only have canyoneyes for you

im an adult now and i still understand why kids like apple jacks.

# ? Aug 4, 2019 07:57

Drink-Mix Man: You are an odd fellow, but I must say... you throw a swell shindig.

Driving Over the Influence

(I ran over a guy's beer.)

# ? Aug 4, 2019 08:05

ToxicSlurpee: -=SEND HELP=-

I hunted a unicorn when it wasn't in season.

I'm sewage flavored.

# ? Aug 4, 2019 09:10

Goons Are Gifts

Sometimes I steal suitable hermit crab houses before they can move in, so they have to stay in their lovely overpriced current home longer than needed.

Goons Are Gifts fucked around with this message at 13:25 on Aug 4, 2019

# ? Aug 4, 2019 11:45

shinmai: CHK Instruction

Someone bumped into me from behind in a public restroom and caused me to collide with the sink counter-top (which was wet because other people had washed their hands there like animals) drenching the hem of my shirt and the waistline of my pants. I imagined committing acts of violence upon these persons. This is my worst imaginary crime, I hope to jury will take into account my special circumstances and I ask the judge for lenience when deciding on my imaginary sentence.

_{thanks Matoi Ryuko}

# ? Aug 4, 2019 12:05

90s Solo Cup: To understand the cup
He must become the cup

I aided and abetted a known mumblerapper.

# ? Aug 4, 2019 13:05

Manifisto

I liked something unironically

not even a trace of irony, I just liked it

ty nesamdoom!

# ? Aug 4, 2019 14:37

Drink-Mix Man: You are an odd fellow, but I must say... you throw a swell shindig.

Manifisto posted:

I liked something unironically

not even a trace of irony, I just liked it

Check out the imagination on this guy

# ? Aug 4, 2019 16:34

Goons Are Gifts

He's a dangerous madman Jesus christ someone seize him before he goes ballistic

# ? Aug 4, 2019 16:46

canyoneer: I only have canyoneyes for you

i won tickets on the radio for a two day music festival and the dj asked on air if I was a huge fan of the headlining band.

I said yes even though i don't actually like them but i wanted to see the other bands

# ? Aug 4, 2019 17:01

The Klowner: by Jeffrey of YOSPOS

Going to the imaginary court to tell the imaginary judge about my imaginary crimes while my imaginary attorney tries to hold me down. The imaginary truth cannot be silenced!

# ? Aug 4, 2019 17:33

The Klowner: by Jeffrey of YOSPOS

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4fa7AtI1msk

# ? Aug 4, 2019 17:34

magic cactus: We lied. We are not at war. There is no enemy. This is a rescue operation.

I know why kids love the taste of cinnamon toast crunch, but I won't confess until I can get put in imaginary witness protection.

Thanks to Saoshyant for the amazing spring '23 sig!

# ? Aug 4, 2019 18:07

google THIS

SardonicTyrant posted:

Committing chronodultry (having an affair with your wife's younger self)

I did this too, but it was years ago.

# ? Aug 4, 2019 18:45

GODSPEED JOHN GLENN: I put my thumb up my bum and shut one eye, and my thumb blotted out the planet Earth.

I'm am adult and I eat Trix. Call the cops, I don't give a gently caress.

# ? Aug 4, 2019 20:27

Sing Along: by Athanatos

all crimes are imaginary, grow a sequoia in a greenhouse in chicago and eventually mock your neighbors from the world's dopest treehouse

----------------
This thread brought to you by a tremendous dickhead!

# ? Aug 5, 2019 01:33

alnilam

google THIS posted:

I did this too, but it was years ago.

_{ty manifisto}

# ? Aug 5, 2019 01:45

alnilam

SardonicTyrant posted:

Committing chronodultry (having an affair with your wife's younger self)

My wife and i have agreed that if Crono, Ayla, or Frog ever hits on either of us then we give each other permission to go for it

_{ty manifisto}

# ? Aug 5, 2019 01:48

magic cactus: We lied. We are not at war. There is no enemy. This is a rescue operation.

GODSPEED JOHN GLENN posted:

I'm am adult and I eat Trix. Call the cops, I don't give a gently caress.

*eating a bowl of trix as the police surround my hideout*

You'll never take me alive COPPER!!!!

Thanks to Saoshyant for the amazing spring '23 sig!

# ? Aug 5, 2019 01:54

Drink-Mix Man: You are an odd fellow, but I must say... you throw a swell shindig.

Regicide.

I killed a guy named Reggie.

# ? Aug 5, 2019 05:38

ScRoTo TuRbOtUrD

Same but with this dude named Geno. And I didnt kill him, I just gave him a goosing on both ends of his torso.

# ? Aug 5, 2019 05:50

GODSPEED JOHN GLENN: I put my thumb up my bum and shut one eye, and my thumb blotted out the planet Earth.

Gross misappropriation of intestinal gasses. And by gross I mean DISGUSTING.

# ? Aug 5, 2019 06:32

Drink-Mix Man: You are an odd fellow, but I must say... you throw a swell shindig.

I snapped at a clerk at an Orange Julius and was held in contempt of food court.

# ? Aug 5, 2019 06:40

Twenty Four

Drink-Mix Man posted:

Regicide.

I killed a guy named Reggie.

SCROTO TURBOSPERG posted:

Same but with this dude named Geno. And I didnt kill him, I just gave him a goosing on both ends of his torso.

Put me on the jury because you are both acquitted.

# ? Aug 5, 2019 15:39

ToxicSlurpee: -=SEND HELP=-

I had this dream last night where I was vomiting kittens only gravity didn't do anything to them. It might not be against the government's laws exactly but that definitely goes against multiple natural laws.

I'm sewage flavored.

# ? Aug 5, 2019 16:13

super sweet best pal

Planning out an elaborate hypothetical bank robbing scheme in my head and trying to think about how it would go down.

# ? Aug 5, 2019 17:54

alnilam

super sweet best pal posted:

Planning out an elaborate hypothetical bank robbing scheme in my head and trying to think about how it would go down.

calling up patrick swayze to see if he'd be interested at all, if i did it, which I won't

_{ty manifisto}

# ? Aug 5, 2019 18:14

GODSPEED JOHN GLENN: I put my thumb up my bum and shut one eye, and my thumb blotted out the planet Earth.

alnilam posted:

calling up patrick swayze to see if he'd be interested at all, if i did it, which I won't

That's going to be difficult nowadays. Try calling Whoopi Goldberg instead.

# ? Aug 5, 2019 18:27

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# ? Jun 4, 2024 22:40

alnilam

GODSPEED JOHN GLENN posted:

That's going to be difficult nowadays. Try calling Whoopi Goldberg instead.

lol

_{ty manifisto}

# ? Aug 5, 2019 18:31

The Something Awful Forums > Main > BYOB: BYOB BYOB BOYB BBOY YOBB YBOB BBYO?? > Confess to your imaginary crimes

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