If you hate Ewoks you are dumb and insecure and possibly sexist

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > If you hate Ewoks you are dumb and insecure and possibly sexist

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SidneyIsTheKiller: Jul 16, 2019; I did fall asleep reading a particularly erotic chapter
in my grandmother's journal.

She wrote very detailed descriptions of her experiences...

I have never heard an argument against Ewoks that didn't immediately betray the person's insecurities over having their affection for a children's fantasy space opera exposed.

"It's unrealistic." It's loving Star Wars dude.
"It was supposed to be wookies." Wookies are the same thing as ewoks except taller and uglier and instead of talking they make whiny gurgling noises.
"It was obviously just meant to sell toys to kids." What you're actually saying is you wanted them to sell toys to adults.
"They're like cutesy little teddy bears." So where's the bad part? Also it's loving Star Wars dude.
"No seriously it's unrealistic that the Ewoks would have made capable fighters against Stormtroopers." Still trying, eh? Come on, we have entire threads here debating whether humans could take on chimpanzees in combat, who's to say an Ewok can't just reach over and rip your balls of with its bare hand?

In conclusion, Ewoks rule, Star Wars fans drool. :colbert:

# ? Sep 26, 2019 23:49

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# ? May 30, 2024 08:16

Pewdiepie: Oct 31, 2010

Haven't personally gotten into many arguments regarding Ewoks.

# ? Sep 26, 2019 23:49

amusinginquiry: Nov 8, 2009; College Slice

Is the best Star Wars movie Caravan of Courage: An Ewok Story, or Ewoks: The Battle for Endor?

It�s hard to decide

# ? Sep 26, 2019 23:53

SidneyIsTheKiller: Jul 16, 2019; I did fall asleep reading a particularly erotic chapter
in my grandmother's journal.

She wrote very detailed descriptions of her experiences...

Pewdiepie posted:

Haven't personally gotten into many arguments regarding Ewoks.

That's just because you're always assuming everyone's agreeing with you.

# ? Sep 26, 2019 23:55

Funky See Funky Do: Aug 20, 2013; STILL TRYING HARD

Thank you for taking the time to bold, cite references, and use bullet points in your idiot thread about dumb poo poo.

# ? Sep 26, 2019 23:57

SidneyIsTheKiller: Jul 16, 2019; I did fall asleep reading a particularly erotic chapter
in my grandmother's journal.

She wrote very detailed descriptions of her experiences...

Funky See Funky Do posted:

Thank you for taking the time to bold, cite references, and use bullet points in your idiot thread about dumb poo poo.

You're welcome!

# ? Sep 27, 2019 00:00

Pewdiepie: Oct 31, 2010

SidneyIsTheKiller posted:

That's just because you're always assuming everyone's agreeing with you.

Guess so. You've really changed my perspective on Ewok's today OP.

# ? Sep 27, 2019 00:01

EorayMel: May 30, 2015; WE GET IT. YOU LOVE GUN JESUS. Toujours des fusils Bullpup Fran�ais.

OP, since you used my human vs chimp thread as an example, can you tell me how many ewoks it would take to defeat a riled up chimpanzee?

# ? Sep 27, 2019 00:03

snergle: Aug 3, 2013; A kind little mouse!

SidneyIsTheKiller posted:

I have never heard an argument against Ewoks that didn't immediately betray the person's insecurities over having their affection for a children's fantasy space opera exposed.

"It's unrealistic." It's loving Star Wars dude.

"It was supposed to be wookies." Wookies are the same thing as ewoks except taller and uglier and instead of talking they make whiny gurgling noises.

"It was obviously just meant to sell toys to kids." What you're actually saying is you wanted them to sell toys to adults.

"They're like cutesy little teddy bears." So where's the bad part? Also it's loving Star Wars dude.

"No seriously it's unrealistic that the Ewoks would have made capable fighters against Stormtroopers." Still trying, eh? Come on, we have entire threads here debating whether humans could take on chimpanzees in combat, who's to say an Ewok can't just reach over and rip your balls of with its bare hand?

In conclusion, Ewoks rule, Star Wars fans drool.

ewoks got their own stand alone movie and stormtroopers were absent from it. why? ewoks murdered anyone dumb enough to come to their planet.

# ? Sep 27, 2019 00:05

snergle: Aug 3, 2013; A kind little mouse!

EorayMel posted:

OP, since you used my human vs chimp thread as an example, can you tell me how many ewoks it would take to defeat a riled up chimpanzee?

3. one goes for the eyes and fails the second rips its balls off and the third gets the eyes.

# ? Sep 27, 2019 00:06

SidneyIsTheKiller: Jul 16, 2019; I did fall asleep reading a particularly erotic chapter
in my grandmother's journal.

She wrote very detailed descriptions of her experiences...

Pewdiepie posted:

Guess so. You've really changed my perspective on Ewok's today OP.

Thanks! It's a sign of good character to listen to other perspectives and use them to re-evaluate prior convictions where appropriate. Kudos to you.

# ? Sep 27, 2019 00:07

Hammerite: Mar 9, 2007; And you don't remember what I said here, either, but it was pompous and stupid.; Jade Ear Joe

The only good star wars movie is the first one, OP

Balls to your space teddy bears

# ? Sep 27, 2019 00:09

DeadFatDuckFat: Oct 29, 2012; This avatar brought to you by the 'save our dead gay forums' foundation.

I cry along with that ewok every time he realizes his friend is dead

# ? Sep 27, 2019 00:10

DeadFatDuckFat: Oct 29, 2012; This avatar brought to you by the 'save our dead gay forums' foundation.

Do ewoks have gender

# ? Sep 27, 2019 00:17

Darth Brooks: Jan 15, 2005; I do not wear this mask to protect me. I wear it to protect you from me.

All the dumb arguments justifying Ewoks were later reused to justify Jar-Jar.

# ? Sep 27, 2019 00:20

HugeGrossBurrito: Mar 20, 2018

Sure man that sounds good

# ? Sep 27, 2019 00:21

Mozi: Apr 4, 2004; Forms change so fast
Time is moving past
Memory is smoke
Gonna get wider when I die; Nap Ghost

hm. this sounds more ewoke than ewok, imo.

# ? Sep 27, 2019 00:22

madeintaipei: Jul 13, 2012

DeadFatDuckFat posted:

Do ewoks have gender

The sixth gender, space bacha-bazi.

# ? Sep 27, 2019 00:23

Homo Simpson: Oct 21, 2014; by Smythe; Lipstick Apathy

Crip ewok

# ? Sep 27, 2019 00:27

DeadFatDuckFat: Oct 29, 2012; This avatar brought to you by the 'save our dead gay forums' foundation.

madeintaipei posted:

The sixth gender, space bacha-bazi.

What a complex and beautiful species

# ? Sep 27, 2019 00:28

snergle: Aug 3, 2013; A kind little mouse!

Darth Brooks posted:

All the dumb arguments justifying Ewoks were later reused to justify Jar-Jar.

what race were the ewoks a caricature of?

# ? Sep 27, 2019 00:30

HugeGrossBurrito: Mar 20, 2018

Homo Simpson posted:

Crip ewok

# ? Sep 27, 2019 00:35

ClamdestineBoyster: Aug 15, 2015; Can't post for 10 years!

Tribbles could kick Ewoks asses. :toughguy:

# ? Sep 27, 2019 00:39

Sierra Nevadan: Nov 1, 2010

snergle posted:

planet.

Moon*

# ? Sep 27, 2019 00:43

Hemingway To Go!: Nov 10, 2008; im stupider then dog shit, i dont give a shit, and i dont give a fuck, and i will never shut the fuck up, and i'll always Respect my enemys.
- ernest hemingway

Ewoks are fine

gently caress porgs

# ? Sep 27, 2019 00:44

madeintaipei: Jul 13, 2012

DeadFatDuckFat posted:

What a complex and beautiful species

It's not that complex, they're small and have buttholes. Or do they?

# ? Sep 27, 2019 00:51

JK Fresco: Jul 5, 2019

SidneyIsTheKiller posted:

[*]"It was obviously just meant to sell toys to kids." What you're actually saying is you wanted them to sell toys to adults.

No, they wanted a movie designed to be a goood movie without making concessions to merchandising

# ? Sep 27, 2019 01:05

EorayMel: May 30, 2015; WE GET IT. YOU LOVE GUN JESUS. Toujours des fusils Bullpup Fran�ais.

Someone, somewhere, has a ewok themed dildo that sees heavy use weekly

# ? Sep 27, 2019 01:06

Kuato: Feb 25, 2005; "I CAN'T BELIEVE I ATE THE WHOLE THING"; Buglord

Ewoks are ok. Idk why anyone would rly care one way or another tbqh

# ? Sep 27, 2019 01:07

HugeGrossBurrito: Mar 20, 2018

EorayMel posted:

Someone, somewhere, has a ewok themed dildo that sees heavy use weekly

Listen buddy it was supposed to be a Wookiee one

# ? Sep 27, 2019 01:09

Chrs: Sep 21, 2015

One of the actors who played an ewok keeps getting into trouble for wanking on trains.

quote:

Ewok walks free again: Star Wars dwarf actor avoids jail despite flashing for second time on a train

Nicholas Read, 41, who played an Ewok in Return of the Jedi and a goblin in a Harry Potter movie, flashed at a horrified female student

A Star Wars actor walked free from court yesterday despite having exposed himself on a train for a second time.

Nicholas Read, 41, who played an Ewok in Return of the Jedi, flashed at a horrified female student.

The offence, in January, meant the 4ft 5in actor, who was also a goblin in a Harry Potter movie, breached a suspended jail term.

But Judge Robert Thomas QC said yesterday that the dwarf would be �a very vulnerable person in the prison system�.

Mr Thomas then handed down a 16-week jail sentence, suspended for three years.

Read had admitted indecent exposure after the offence on a train from York to Manchester.

He was convicted of exposure last July � for performing a sex act under a juggler�s hat while he was sat next to a schoolgirl on a train � and received a 20-week prison sentence, suspended for two years.

But Mr Thomas told Manchester crown court yesterday jailing Read would disrupt the sex offenders� treatment course he was on.

Rachel Faux, defending, said the actor did not want his dwarfism to make the court sympathetic.

Read, from Cheadle, Staffs, must warn police before he travels by train over the next five years.

He was also ordered to sign the sex offenders� register for seven years.

Source: https://www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/star-wars-ewok-actor-nicholas-1142748.amp

# ? Sep 27, 2019 01:15

JK Fresco: Jul 5, 2019

Chrs posted:

One of the actors who played an ewok keeps getting into trouble for wanking on trains.

Source: https://www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/star-wars-ewok-actor-nicholas-1142748.amp

What's a "juggler's hat"?

# ? Sep 27, 2019 01:18

Dang It Bhabhi!: May 27, 2004; ASK ME ABOUT
BEING
ESCULA GRIND'S
#1 SIMP

JK Fresco posted:

What's a "juggler's hat"?

# ? Sep 27, 2019 01:19

madeintaipei: Jul 13, 2012

HugeGrossBurrito posted:

Listen buddy it was supposed to be a Wookiee one

Lol, SW dildo cosplay:
"You saved me, I owe you a life-debt." BZZZZZRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRZZZZZZZ
"Oh, Zaalbar!"

That's soooo greasy.

# ? Sep 27, 2019 01:20

Darth Brooks: Jan 15, 2005; I do not wear this mask to protect me. I wear it to protect you from me.

snergle posted:

what race were the ewoks a caricature of?

Yours.

# ? Sep 27, 2019 01:24

JK Fresco: Jul 5, 2019

snergle posted:

what race were the ewoks a caricature of?

Probably the Irish though unintentionally it ends up being the British as a whole

# ? Sep 27, 2019 01:25

HugeGrossBurrito: Mar 20, 2018

JK Fresco posted:

Probably the Irish though unintentionally it ends up being the British as a whole

I thought there were like bear dudes

# ? Sep 27, 2019 01:26

Mr. Blastaway: Jun 23, 2004

amusinginquiry posted:

Is the best Star Wars movie Caravan of Courage: An Ewok Story, or Ewoks: The Battle for Endor?

Answer the question, coward.

# ? Sep 27, 2019 01:44

Internetjack: Sep 15, 2007; oh god how did this get here i am not good with computers; Top Cop

Ewoks were going to barbeque people, and a robot and eat them. Like, they were planning to cook and eat a metal robot....(am I remembering this correctly, R2D2?, cause goddamn).

Ewoks are crazy as gently caress.

They also do kick-rear end drum circles, if you're into that type of thing.

# ? Sep 27, 2019 01:45

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# ? May 30, 2024 08:16

BrigadierSensible: Feb 16, 2012; I've got a pocket full of cheese🧀, and a garden full of trees🌴.

Ewoks are awesome. I like that they are cutesy teddy bears. In the context of the Star Wars movies I like that they are weird little tribal pygmies, (ignoring all the problematic aspects of having tiny midget forest dwelling humanoids that are technologically backward and talk in gibberish whilst catching outsiders and cooking them in a pot.) I like that they are from the era of practical effects, i.e. people in suits. If they were done today, CGI Ewoks would be awful. I also like the idea that an invading foreign force, no matter how more technologically advanced, cannot defeat locals who know the terrain, and are prepared to fight harder and with more heart than mercenaries/conscripts that just want to go home. The walker robot getting crushed by logs was cool, as was the other walker robot tripping on the logs.

Also, importantly, a wookie version of Caravan of Courage would have sucked arse.

# ? Sep 27, 2019 02:05

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > If you hate Ewoks you are dumb and insecure and possibly sexist

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