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Men! Listen to me! I know that you are frightened. I'm frightened too. Frankly I poo poo my pants two times this morning just thinking about much this is gonna suck. Some of you are going to die. Maybe all of you will die. Maybe you will be struck down by a stray arrow from the man next to you, maybe you will be clubbed on the head like a baby seal, or maybe your tummy will be slashed open and all your guts spill out. For some of you maybe all of the above will happen. I too may die, and in all honesty I would rather not do that. I would rather be home, maybe eating a sandwich and playing with one or more dogs. But men, hear my words! When you ride with me, scared and about to die, trousers dripping with piss, just like mine, remember what you had for breakfast. I had scrambled eggs. They were a little overcooked and I could not find the salt shaker. I also stubbed my toe on the table when I sat down to eat. As I swallowed the last piece, I thought to myself "this could be my last meal and probably will be in fact". That was when I first shat my pants as I mentioned earlier. Men I want you to remember your last meal when you're bleeding out on the battlefield. The guy whose guts will spill out, you may even get to see your last meal one last time. You will be the luckiest of all on this most fateful day. I have a mustache. My mother used to say "if you grow a mustache like your father I will disown you". And she did. But that was yesterday. Remember also that you are here by your own choice and can leave whenever you wish. And before I forget: Jones? The hospital called, they said your cat got run over and may not make it. I also have a message for... Timothy? Do we have a Timothy? Your wife writes that it's actually Francis Bacon who is the child's father and she will be leaving you. Sorry about that Tim. Alright then, let's do this! Men I promise you, go first and I'll be right behind you!
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Jul 5, 2020 12:07
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| # ? May 28, 2024 03:00 |
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im an amazon tho
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Jul 5, 2020 12:12
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Get me my red shirt and my brown pants, men! If I'm dying on the battlefield, I'm doing it in style!
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Jul 5, 2020 12:13
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Lol I had a fried chicken breast and smokey French toast for breakfast BIATCH hahahahaaa. 
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Jul 5, 2020 12:27
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Run, and you'll live, probably a pretty good life. But when dying in your beds many years from now surrounded by your loved ones, would you be willing to trade all that for the chance to tell them that they may take your lives, but they may never take... your freedom, unless they put you in prison. But at least you'll have your health, unless they poison you or you catch the plague. But they may never take your arm or an ear off, or maybe they can if they've got swords. Well. At least we'll always have our cock and balls. It is time to celebrate independence day July 4th!
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Jul 5, 2020 12:46
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No retreat! No surrender! *sees enemy force coming over a hill* *pees pants* Some retreat! Some surrender!
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Jul 5, 2020 12:48
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As for those I've assigned to be cannon fodder, I would never ask another to do something I would not do myself. I will proudly lead you into battle personally! *amid wild cheering quietly ushers body double to the front lines
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Jul 5, 2020 12:53
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slide 1: The Inevitable Horrific Casualties From Our Upcoming Final Assault on the Enemy's Capital slide 2: Dead Men's Bonuses are Redistributed to the Living as Part of the Profit Sharing Scheme
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Jul 5, 2020 13:02
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“Don’t fire until you see the crust on the herpes sores on their lips, and their syphilis-ravaged abscessed noses!” — *some general also suffering from STDs because everyone had them in the 18th century*
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Jul 5, 2020 13:04
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yeah we dead. Try stabbing a bitch anyway, it makes you feel better.
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Jul 5, 2020 13:08
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History will, almost certainly, judge us harshly as we wantonly slaughter our unprepared enemies, execute their men, and take their women to be our wives. What I say to those future historians is, tough poo poo, I'm still your ancestor.
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Jul 5, 2020 13:18
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aCR8xV7fb5w Take your pick.
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Jul 5, 2020 14:09
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I'll kill any man here who dies on me during this battle
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Jul 5, 2020 14:16
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Just remember that if you die here I am going to gently caress your wife 
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Jul 5, 2020 14:18
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War! Good god y'all What is it good for? Quite a few things actually Say it again
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Jul 5, 2020 14:23
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"run awaaaaaaaay" sorry wait no
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Jul 5, 2020 14:24
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EorayMel posted:Just remember that if you die here I am going to gently caress your wife Yo, that's twisted! You Juggalo?
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Jul 5, 2020 14:36
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DICKS OUT... FOR HARAMBEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!
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Jul 5, 2020 15:04
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ugh, I've got red on me. come on now, we hav'nt got all day, I want to be done with this so i can feed my cat the blood of the fallen, the non fallen, the standing up but maimed and all others who may or may not wish to donate any of their bodily flids for the bodily fluid throne i plan on, well, oozing on. by the way, i have heard that beinbg shot in the teeth by their muskets is less painful than being shot in the back by ours, if you know what I mean, whelp, thats about all I have time for. tasrry ho, as i am not tarrying here any longer.
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Jul 5, 2020 15:07
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Wait, which one is my rifle and which is my gun? *charges enemy with my erection*
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Jul 5, 2020 15:08
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we few. we happy few. we band of boners.
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Jul 5, 2020 15:19
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for he today who sheds his blood with me shall be my boner. and gentlemen in england, now abed, shall hold their boners cheap
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Jul 5, 2020 15:21
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There are two things that I want you to make up your minds to: first, that you are going to ride hard as long as you gently caress - I have no use for the weak-rode man - and next, that you are going to do something horny, that you are going to ride hard and gently caress the things you set out to gently caress.
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Jul 5, 2020 15:22
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I know what you're thinking. What right do I have to order you to go out there and kill? What right do I have to order you to go out there and die? You don't want to be here, that much I know. No sane man would. But you are here and that means you want to survive this. You want to go home, to your families. I want you to survive this so you can go home, to your families, secure in the knowledge that they will be safe. Safe because of what we have done here this day. How can you know that you can trust me to do this? Well, know this: I have played a lot of turn-based strategy videogames.
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Jul 5, 2020 15:28
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"Ready men?" "YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGH"
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Jul 5, 2020 15:29
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“For twelve years you have been asking: Who is John Galt?”
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Jul 5, 2020 15:34
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Universe Master posted:Wait, which one is my rifle and which is my gun? Imagine the magnificent tombstone over this gallant man’s war efforts. *tombstone is a giant turgid veiny dick made of polished granite*
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Jul 5, 2020 15:58
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I assure I love tits and pussy and have sex with ladies all the time. I have never sucked a penis. That photograph was clearly fake. Why would you even read a flyer dropped from an enemy plane?
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Jul 5, 2020 16:05
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*Just tells the men they can loot and pillage a lot if we win*
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Jul 5, 2020 17:03
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"wait, we're doing what now?"
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Jul 5, 2020 17:05
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"Go that way."
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Jul 5, 2020 17:07
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ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn! and the first one there can suck its dicks!
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Jul 5, 2020 17:14
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I say to you comrades Now the time long feared has come. We must free ourself from the weight of procrastination to break the bonds of tyranny. Lo we must act and act now. While the tasks will be long and arduous with much typing what awaits us is nothing less than a new world. Join me as I pledge my sword to Jeffrey and make a home in a new site far from here. REGISTER AND JUST POST WITH ME!!! ^(if the time comes you will know)
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Jul 5, 2020 17:28
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Gentlemen, to bed... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K8BPP4ASQWo
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Jul 5, 2020 17:53
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Guy's poo poo's hosed, I know. But, win or lose it's most important that you have fun out there.
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Jul 5, 2020 20:27
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And so I say to you, give me absurdism or give me death!!! *crowd makes variety of non-sequitur comments about random zany topics*
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Jul 5, 2020 20:30
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Like we practiced, gentleman *lowers visor and fixes lance*
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Jul 5, 2020 20:31
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CUNTS
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Jul 5, 2020 20:34
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*gives inspiring speech to an army 100,000 men strong* *five rows of soldiers in and nobody understands what the gently caress I'm saying because it's the middle ages and megaphones haven't been invented yet*
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Jul 5, 2020 20:42
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| # ? May 28, 2024 03:00 |
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"Some of you may die, but your heart will go on, and on". (end scene: Titanic).
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Jul 5, 2020 21:16
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