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Hey, so uhh, Dave Sneeglebtoad, did I say that right? Don't bother answering. So you won the Boston marathon but you were so focused on winning the race you never once stopped to smell the flowers just like the hare. And so, you must be like the tortoise, and eat these rose thorns. You'll find them in the bowl over there. There's some milk if you want. You have, pffffffffft, I dunno, 25 minutes. Does that sound right? Whatever, eat some thorns and bleed to death.
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Aug 27, 2021 20:15
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I want to watch a movie.
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Aug 27, 2021 20:34
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In order to escape my trap, you’ll have to use that saw to… …wait, did I really forget the saw!? Oh jeez, this never happens, oh jeez, this is so awkward…
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Aug 27, 2021 20:38
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What a nice day to curl up in a blanket with some hot tea and.. do a jigsaw puzzle. 
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Aug 27, 2021 21:07
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oh cool my bear traps arrived from ebay im going to make a coffee and then spend a while greasing them and restoring the springs 
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Aug 27, 2021 21:08
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hm op did you mean 'an off day' or 'a day off' please clarify
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Aug 27, 2021 21:09
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Gasmask posted:hm op did you mean 'an off day' or 'a day off' please clarify OH poo poo ITS AN ILLEGAL IMMIGRANT STING YOU GUYS! ITS NO TWIST OF TONGUE THAT ANY GUY ON THE STREET COULD MAKE poo poo poo poo poo poo!  I am so not polish right now. 
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Aug 27, 2021 21:12
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https://i.imgur.com/aIcUAcq.mp4
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Aug 27, 2021 21:13
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poo poo, poo poo! I've got an unconscious guy in the basement and he'll wake up soon and I have no idea what death trap I'm going to build! Ok, think, Jigsaw. Review what you know about him. It says here in my notes he's an ardent atheist, he's a little overweight, he's lactose intolerant. Right. Maybe an exploding pig corpse next to him... And there's a key to get him out, but he has to answer a riddle in a way that shows true understanding of how religious people believe... And, uh... Drink a large tub of milk to expose it?
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Aug 27, 2021 21:22
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I order to escape you have to open the door. please just get out
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Aug 27, 2021 21:30
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where's your bathroom?
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Aug 27, 2021 21:35
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"You were always masturbating and never enjoying it so here's some porn and I want you to masturbate while I watch"
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Aug 27, 2021 21:39
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So...um...d...do you think like, your friends or co-workers would like to do this but in an Escape Room? I need the extra cash because all this poo poo is REALLY expensive.
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Aug 27, 2021 21:42
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That is the most violent tricycle accident I've ever seen.
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Aug 27, 2021 22:08
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"I want to game a play... shi.. no .. I want to play a game" "stop giggling" *clears throat* "The rules are simple.."
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Aug 27, 2021 22:18
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"You have spent your time, coasting through life. Alone. You don't have any responsibilities. You're getting older, and more out of shape. You are going to create an OKCupid profile, and must work out at my gym for three months. This will be your punishment, but I just want to help. You make me sad." *puppet laugh* me: "NOOOOOOOoooooooo......anything else... please... please.."
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Aug 27, 2021 22:24
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Every day your heart pumps blood so you're going to have cut your leg off for some reason. Sorry. I lost my notes. I'm not even really sure if this is your death trap.
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Aug 27, 2021 22:57
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Just kick that dude in the rear end if he walks past a homeless person
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Aug 27, 2021 23:10
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Alexa. Start the timer I'M SORRY. I CAN'T DO THAT RIGHT NOW Alexa......Start the timer ACCORDING TO WIKIPEDIA, TIMERS ARE USED TO MEASURE.. Alexa! STOP! ...................... ....................... Alexa........ Start. the timer. PLAYING TIME BY PINK FLOYD ON AMAZON PRIME MUSIC
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Aug 27, 2021 23:14
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Hey Google, can you- I'm not connected to the wifi right now. Check your connection and try again. Hey Google, can you set a timer for 25 minutes? I'm sorry, I don't understand. Hey Google- I'm not connected to the wifi right now
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Aug 27, 2021 23:35
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I think I totally missed the point of this thread
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Aug 27, 2021 23:36
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low key sex master posted:Hey Google, can you- triggered
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Aug 27, 2021 23:58
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Bonzo posted:triggered The little puppet has got you!
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Aug 28, 2021 00:03
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You spent your life making shitposts, so now you will dig a latrine and fix my fence. I don't know, I'll shoot your or something. Seriously just get on with it the wife's been after me about this for weeks.
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Aug 28, 2021 00:33
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Frankly, bro, I'm just feeling kind of worn out today maybe we could just get a sixer and watch some Looney Tunes??
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Aug 28, 2021 00:38
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Gasmask posted:hm op did you mean 'an off day' or 'a day off' please clarify Seems like a pretty important distinction here. Like maybe there's a day where he accidentally left the key on the floor and the victims just walk out the door?
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Aug 28, 2021 00:41
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Gasmask posted:hm op did you mean 'an off day' or 'a day off' please clarify Well, one of those is the one I wrote but it's all gravy baby
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Aug 28, 2021 00:42
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Ah yes the uh the sound of the pornhub jingle uh LURING you into this room and your uh... really? I mean yes of course I knew you had a thing for your stepmom yes the video was a clue well done I'll stand up to get the rest of the trap in a minute.
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Aug 28, 2021 00:45
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Does anyone know where to get tricycle oil?
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Aug 28, 2021 00:47
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you really suck hard at life so I'm going to shoot you in the face until you die what the gently caress is this 'game' bullshit you're asking me for? yeah I do that with some people but not you, you suck so much that won't be any fun. I tried to think of a game I could play with you but you are just so mind-numbingly lovely I feel dumber having tried to figure out a way to make you pay in an entertaining fashion. I'm going to have to take at least a month off after killing you just to even feel halfway able to come up with anything good for somebody else
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Aug 28, 2021 00:49
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All right, I'm just watching it back. How the gently caress did not use the hacksaw to try to get his phone? He wanted to cut his foot off. Didn't he?
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Aug 28, 2021 00:51
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look i'm going to be honest here: i forgot which eye i put the key behind. just cut into one and if it's the wrong one i'll still let you go, ok?
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Aug 28, 2021 00:56
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*sigh*........... Look I'm just not myself tonight. Tell you what. You just walk out of here with no pants on and promise not to kick homeless people anymore and we're even. Now where's the Advil?
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Aug 28, 2021 01:19
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Yes Jack, your addiction to meth has ruined... yes you are. Yes you have. Look it says so right... poo poo. gently caress. OK. Sorry. OK *noise of shuffling papers* your addiction to... christ, arson? Seriously? Your addiction to arson is symbolised by the diamonds because they uh... they used to be coal. Which is flammable. So you need to eat the ex-coal to get the scorched spoon... yes, scorched by fire, to open your cuffs or else the machine will turn on and shake you until all your bones break. Because friction causes fires, that's why. --------- OK Derek, so the petrol symbolises your burning need for meth Splicer fucked around with this message at 15:50 on Aug 28, 2021 |
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Aug 28, 2021 01:21
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It's been 7 movies. I'm sick of doing this poo poo. Just let me quit already. For gently caress's sake I died in the 3rd movie I don't know how or why they keep bringing me back. Wait 8??? There was an 8th movie? How the gently caress? Alright this poo poo is getting stupid. I'm gonna make a martini and pop in some reruns of Full House. Yes I still have a VHS player. It's all I can afford. You'd think they'd have paid me better and they did but I blew it all on horse racing and failed house flipping ventures. Don't ask. It's a long and painful story. Peace out.
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Aug 28, 2021 01:50
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jigsaw voice would you like to suck my dick
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Aug 28, 2021 03:55
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i put the jigsaw mask on my dick and run around helicopterin
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Aug 28, 2021 05:06
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If you don't finish this rubic's cube in 30 minutes i'm gonna rub a cheesegrater on your bellend
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Aug 28, 2021 05:20
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poo poo, I forgot to buy some flesh-melting acid. Vinegar's an acid too, right? Ehh I'm sure it'll sting pretty bad.
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Aug 28, 2021 05:32
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*Spends tens and thousands of dollars and many weeks creating an elaborate and ironic deathtrap* Hello Dave, I want to play a game. You spend all day on Facebook spreading Covid disinformation and downplaying... Dave. Dave? Goddammit. *Next day* Hello Sarah, I want to play a game. You spend your whole life complaining about poor service until you go HOARSE. It makes me sick to my stomach and INTESTINES. Also, you are a WORM. Anyway, eat all these worms and then use your own intestines to strangle this horse I guess
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Aug 28, 2021 07:16
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