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Just a thread to share tales from the dark side, gamgs, crime lifestyle and prison facts. FACT: If you go to jail and get a double yolker egg they count it as two eggs and make you share it.
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Mar 15, 2022 04:23
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| # ? May 23, 2024 20:40 |
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Jail therapists get really awkward when you mention feeling sad about draconian conditions / rats/ cop abuse and then are like haha yeah uhhhh but besides that, how's life?
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Mar 15, 2022 04:32
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I was in a gamg once. their egg stance was if you cracked em you ate em. not a soul dared to crack their eggs in a bowl without making an omelette or sunny side up. darkest time in my life except for all the nintendo jokes my mom kept telling me
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Mar 15, 2022 04:32
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I did some residential burglary in the early 90s during a particularly terrible period of my life and you would be surprised how many homes I broke into that had literal skeletons in their closet
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Mar 15, 2022 04:35
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There were so few white people in my jail in America that me not joining either of the "gangs" for whites in jail caused them serious logistical problems re: membership numbers Lol most of the swastika types just hung out with guards or the sheriff / deputy types (the more stars you have, the more likely you are first name basis with the Aryan gang types it seems)
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Mar 15, 2022 04:35
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They'll poison your entire block, deny your complaint about it on procedural grounds, and then threaten you with inciting a riot if you mention how many people got sick from the food in your complaint Also the guards are responsible for getting you and authorizing complaints to begin with so yes, they are their own oversight committee, and yes, it works as well as it sounds
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Mar 15, 2022 04:37
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From my point of view it's the Jedi who are evil 
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Mar 15, 2022 04:39
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In jail, if you drop the soap in the shower, all the other prisoners point and laugh at you for being so clumsy.
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Mar 15, 2022 04:41
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i kept all my cash in my mattress but they burnt all the mattresses in a riot 
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Mar 15, 2022 04:41
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I made one of the aryans mad because he was using an obscure old local racist term for a black person, and the literal child he was making GBS threads on(like 18) year old didn't even understand what was going on, so I made fun of the Aryan for being a failed racist using old terms that the dude didn't even get He was really wideyed over it lmao. Also I wouldn't have even known what it meant but I have a really good memory and I remember a news article about , lol, a local cop using the same word at a pro baseball player(on the local team even) during a game and me learning it from that. I barely remember the kid but looking at Aryan guys shocked scrunched up face at a "fellow white" making fun of his racist efforts was really amusing and I won't forget it Worf fucked around with this message at 04:49 on Mar 15, 2022 |
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Mar 15, 2022 04:43
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Nigmaetcetera posted:In jail, if you drop the soap in the shower, all the other prisoners point and laugh at you for being so clumsy. This is extremely accurate tbh. Whatever you ppl think jail showers are like, they aren't. More of the funnier things in jail happen as a result of them, imo
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Mar 15, 2022 04:44
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Replace “black person” with Bajoran and Aryans with Cardassians and then I’ll believe your post. 
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Mar 15, 2022 04:45
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Worf posted:This is extremely accurate tbh. I knew it!
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Mar 15, 2022 04:45
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Space Kablooey posted:i kept all my cash in my mattress but they burnt all the mattresses in a riot This also resonates as true except cash would be drugs or candy or nude photos Most of the jail fires I witnessed were for smoking drugs and not riots tho
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Mar 15, 2022 04:46
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LuckyCat posted:Replace “black person” with Bajoran and Aryans with Cardassians and then I’ll believe your post. No because systemic racism is true and real and white ppl even have it way easier in jail Also, Dukat was helping those Bajorans, and, they should be grateful
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Mar 15, 2022 04:47
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Oh yah I did tell a story about nichelle Nichols in jail, and how she met MLK at a party and he told her to not quit star trek Other than reading a bad star trek book in there, that's my jail star trek tie in I think E: it was 2 bad star trek books now that I think of it, but one was so bad I didn't read it. It also happened to be the only other trek book I ever read in my life, back in my sxhools library in the 90s lmao
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Mar 15, 2022 04:51
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My state, in America, which I live in, spelled that state incorrectly on my jail ID. Among other typos and one mutually exclusive set of instructions about simultaneously never not having your ID on you, but also that it was illegal if it left your cell It's the only thing I smuggled OUT of jail because not spelling the name right was ridiculous, and also I was the only person that had noticed among guards or inmates that had been there for years lol E: another funny jail fact: reminding guards they've been there longer than you and will be there after you're gone is very amusing and has about a 80% trigger rate Worf fucked around with this message at 04:58 on Mar 15, 2022 |
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Mar 15, 2022 04:56
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My block had some enterprising showmen and we had a nightly jeopardy game for about 3 weeks. It's really funny because jail jeopardy has the "correct" answers decided on by consensus lol I had a pretty good personal library of almanacs and cross language dictionaries / encyclopedias etc and would frequently just shake my head at the poo poo people would agree was the right answer on stuff "GUNS N DRUGS FOR THREE HUNNED?" There was a multi night debate about the amount of grams in a kilogram They decided on 1008 Jail debates are rarely a thing to stick yourself in the middle of, but I was called an idiot for asking if they also thought a km had 1008 meters The kilo means thousand crew was drowned out by the crew using algebra poorly to convert units over from ounces to figure it out Worf fucked around with this message at 05:06 on Mar 15, 2022 |
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Mar 15, 2022 05:03
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there was a guy in my block that got both his arms and legs broken he looked like a gently caress'n pretzel
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Mar 15, 2022 05:06
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i smuggled an egg into jail up my bum but i accidentally incubated it and it hatched and then it flew away and also did a bird poop on the prison guard (who was a real jerk who deseerved it!!)
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Mar 15, 2022 05:07
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Somebody once posted that there are plenty of good cops, but every single correctional officer, down to the last man is an inhuman sadist. Is that fair, Worf?
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Mar 15, 2022 05:10
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Some wannabe Aryan street urchin / what you assume an internet tough guy is like irl / tried to light up the block with his 19 year old wisdom and threats and managed to be so noodly all the aryans would make fun of him instead of the minorities he tried to pick fights with He asked the big boy Aryan for help in fighting off the loudmouths making fun of him from across the block / through the cell doors, not realizing that same guy had been the loudest one mocking him Some days I miss the simplicity
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Mar 15, 2022 05:11
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Nigmaetcetera posted:Somebody once posted that there are plenty of good cops, but every single correctional officer, down to the last man is an inhuman sadist. Is that fair, Worf? Not the part about cops but the prison guard part seems accurate in my experience Human rights// whatever rights people think exist in America, largely don't, and prisons employ the literal dumbest people I have ever met They'll deny you food, they'll shut off your water, take your clothes, throw your belongings (including sneakers etc, things not easy for all inmates to get) in the trash They're literally their own oversight and have the ability to deny complaints inmates want to file against them, as I said. And I don't mean like, say the grievance is failed, I mean they don't let you file it to begin with because "they disagree " lol Worf fucked around with this message at 05:15 on Mar 15, 2022 |
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Mar 15, 2022 05:12
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I saw this o e show about jail and there was a fat kid who went to jail but i dont remember why but everyone beat him up so he asked them to send him to solitary and the guards were all like "duuuude you dont want that its better to just keep getting beat up, and if we do put you in solitary and then you want out they are gonna beat you up like twice as hard" byt the kid was all "no i want to go to solitary so theybstop beating me up" but then it was way worse being stuck in a tiny cell all alone for 23 hours a day and he aksed to go back and then eberyone in the whole cell block knew he was a huge bitch and he was sad lol Anyways thats my prison story
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Mar 15, 2022 05:14
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Worf posted:Not the part about cops but the prison guard part seems accurate in my experience I’m happy you haven’t given me any reason to change my mind about my dislike of cops and co’s.
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Mar 15, 2022 05:16
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Nooner posted:I saw this o e show about jail and there was a fat kid who went to jail but i dont remember why but everyone beat him up so he asked them to send him to solitary and the guards were all like "duuuude you dont want that its better to just keep getting beat up, and if we do put you in solitary and then you want out they are gonna beat you up like twice as hard" byt the kid was all "no i want to go to solitary so theybstop beating me up" but then it was way worse being stuck in a tiny cell all alone for 23 hours a day and he aksed to go back and then eberyone in the whole cell block knew he was a huge bitch and he was sad lol This probably happens every other minute in every jail, and the whole block already knew. 100% of people that shipped out of the block you could see it coming a mile away. The would be Aryan that asked his own tormenter to stop his tormenter didn't last long. He followed a black guy (very popular and nice, even the racists liked him) into his cell and tried to fight him It's the only time I seen blood spatter on walls like CSI or whatever, and nobody saw Aryan acolyte again, and yes, his white brethren cheered when he got medevaccd out
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Mar 15, 2022 05:18
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Yep, I'm a real bad guy who does crimes. I definitely don't drive the speed limit when no one else is around.
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Mar 15, 2022 05:20
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Nigmaetcetera posted:I’m happy you haven’t given me any reason to change my mind about my dislike of cops and co’s. Prison is a learning experience because it shows you what happens when you militaristically organize people too stupid to be cops and issue them Casio gshocks instead of service guns What I'm saying is that there's a dumber, meaner version of cops and that's COs
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Mar 15, 2022 05:21
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Before I escaped the cartel I was part of the Hermanos de Huevos, big players in the illegal nog trade
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Mar 15, 2022 05:21
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When I was in jail many inmates insisted on watching Pawn Stars on the tv, it was terrible, unless Tanked was on. Those fish trivia questions are hard though.
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Mar 15, 2022 05:24
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Mr. Meagles posted:Before I escaped the cartel I was part of the Hermanos de Huevos, big players in the illegal nog trade Nog,like his father, is without honor
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Mar 15, 2022 05:24
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When I was in ADX Florence they took my BIC 4 colour retractable pen and replaced the green red and blue inks with black inks.
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Mar 15, 2022 05:30
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If you close your eyes and hold your breathe the words of a judge in a admiralty court under a gold fringed flag do not apply.
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Mar 15, 2022 05:32
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Greg of Doom posted:When I was in ADX Florence they took my BIC 4 colour retractable pen and replaced the green red and blue inks with black inks. We were explicitly forbidden to send or receive mail in anything but black or blue pen lol Also no drawings just words
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Mar 15, 2022 05:32
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On your first day in prison, scope out the biggest toughest looking dude in there. During breakfast go right over to him and suck the hell out of his dick. Everyone will throw their scrambled eggs at you, and you can feast.
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Mar 15, 2022 05:55
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Bloodfart McCoy posted:On your first day in prison, scope out the biggest toughest looking dude in there. During breakfast go right over to him and suck the hell out of his dick. First day hazings breakfasts are always the most fun
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Mar 15, 2022 05:59
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Worf posted:We were explicitly forbidden to send or receive mail in anything but black or blue pen lol How do you make it known in jail that you’re in there for growing 100 kg of magic mushrooms (or whatever benign crime) an that you’re not a chomo or a cannibal or something? Do other inmates try to sus it out or do they just ask you upfront?
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Mar 15, 2022 06:04
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One time my friend took a dump in this guy's driveway and was sure to leave an obvious wad of toilet paper so, as he put it, "they'd know it wasn't a dog" I am like 80% sure that was a crime.
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Mar 15, 2022 06:06
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Just pay bail and show up to court as a white male in khakis with a button down tucked in and call the judge "your honor" and you'll get away with anything. Worked for me. Twice. Death to America.
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Mar 15, 2022 06:08
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| # ? May 23, 2024 20:40 |
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Nigmaetcetera posted:How do you make it known in jail that you’re in there for growing 100 kg of magic mushrooms (or whatever benign crime) an that you’re not a chomo or a cannibal or something? Do other inmates try to sus it out or do they just ask you upfront? In my case being white, the Aryan gang leaders call you into their office and interrogate/ recruit you Jail is also massively segregated in every and any way they think it'll benefit the establishment. Cops, sex criminals (even prior ones) and those types would be on different blocks than I was. If you're crip affiliated you go in a different block vs blood affiliated etc. I was in the high profile/ max security block and one of the few people without at least one murder charge or facing life really, and that made the block more interesting than some, I guess It was kinda funny seeing older gangsters get mad at literal young bloods for listening to crip rappers though, meanwhile the younger ones were like uhhhhh idgaf, stfu while I decorate my cell like a dorm and giggle all night E: also lol if u even qualified for bail, honestly
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Mar 15, 2022 10:37
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