buy johnny fiveaces

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > buy johnny fiveaces

Alan Smithee: Jan 4, 2005; A man becomes preeminent, he's expected to have enthusiasms.

Enthusiasms, enthusiasms...

https://www.etsy.com/listing/763196999/johnny-fiveaces-hand-signed-ace-zybourne?ref=shop_home_active_1&frs=1

https://www.etsy.com/listing/763195043/johnny-fiveaces-zybourne-clock-concept?ref=shop_home_active_2&frs=1

buying these cuz im a consumer whore

# ? Dec 18, 2019 09:21

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# ? Jun 9, 2024 14:04

putin is a cunt: Apr 5, 2007; BOY DO I SURE ENJOY TRASH. THERE'S NOTHING MORE I LOVE THAN TO SIT DOWN IN FRONT OF THE BIG SCREEN AND EAT A BIIIIG STEAMY BOWL OF SHIT. WARNER BROS CAN COME OVER TO MY HOUSE AND ASSFUCK MY MOM WHILE I WATCH AND I WOULD CERTIFY IT FRESH, NO QUESTION

MrSpiffy posted:

I have come out of my cave of being an internet has-been to purchase this. I have the winning bid.

Roll your eyes all you want - I think this drawing is important.

I was there for the original thread, and the SA forums of that time period formed my dumbass sense of humor. That single piece of art, with the jaunty leg tilt, crotch bulge, and unorthodox card handling technique, has brought me more joy than just about any weird internet thing I've ever encountered. It's pure art - drawn by someone with genuine intent to contribute to a collaborative internet project, and like a fuckin herald of the cesspool internet to come, that project flamed out as internet strangers from around the world came together to dunk hard on it. It's one of the earliest examples of how a bunch of anonymous strangers with mixed intentions collaboratively created something far greater than the sum of its parts, and must be preserved.

This drawing and the ideas it inspired brought people together. It continues to do so. The artist claimed that dumb gently caress $150,000 banana taped to a wall is worth that much because of the "idea" of it. If so, then what is the endless fount of inspiration that this drawing represents worth?

Like the balls on the edge of the cliff, forever appearing and knocking the next one down, Johnny Five Aces will go on forever motherfuckers.

I eagerly anticipate receiving this, getting it properly framed, and lending it out to any art exhibits of internet ephemera that might happen to pop up.

This could obviously very easily be a bullshit post but if it's not, good on you. The banana thing that people have mentioned is a bad example because most of that poo poo is just money laundering. You just bought something you really liked for the price you were willing to pay. Don't feel like you have to justify anything!

# ? Dec 18, 2019 10:02

Vargs: Mar 27, 2010

I'll buy you a new av if you film yourself eating it

# ? Dec 18, 2019 10:35

Lil Swamp Booger Baby: Aug 1, 1981

I'll stop buy and piss on it once it arrives.

# ? Dec 18, 2019 10:44

MrSpiffy: Aug 13, 2000; FREDDIE WONG POSTING HERE

a hot gujju bhabhi posted:

This could obviously very easily be a bullshit post but if it's not, good on you. The banana thing that people have mentioned is a bad example because most of that poo poo is just money laundering. You just bought something you really liked for the price you were willing to pay. Don't feel like you have to justify anything!

100% genuine. Although a lot of high end art is, yes, money laundering and tax evasion, I still give credit to the artist because the guy eating the banana is the kind of shenanigans that, regardless, cut through the hectic noise of social media. Whether you think it's valid or not is another issue, but it certainly made a bunch of people think about "what is art?"

...which is dumb because there is an answer the answer is "johnny fiveaces is art"

# ? Dec 18, 2019 10:49

Lil Swamp Booger Baby: Aug 1, 1981

MrSpiffy posted:

100% genuine. Although a lot of high end art is, yes, money laundering and tax evasion, I still give credit to the artist because the guy eating the banana is the kind of shenanigans that, regardless, cut through the hectic noise of social media. Whether you think it's valid or not is another issue, but it certainly made a bunch of people think about "what is art?"

...which is dumb because there is an answer the answer is "johnny fiveaces is art"

Actually the number one reason they do it is to have sex with the art objects

So we all know why you bought the Johnny Five Aces

# ? Dec 18, 2019 10:56

Punkinhead: Apr 2, 2015

You're a real class act Spiffy, how do you think you're gonna frame this piece of history? Are you thinking a minimalist frame so as not to distract the eye or perhaps an ornate sterling silver frame to match the beauty of the art itself?

# ? Dec 18, 2019 10:57

Lil Swamp Booger Baby: Aug 1, 1981

If he tries hard enough he can flay some of his flesh and then paste Johnny Five Aces in there and have the new flesh grow over the wound and over the picture so then it will be sealed inside of and absorbed by his body.

# ? Dec 18, 2019 11:01

ANUSTART: Jun 26, 2013; ur jiri3-pax(PAD)-ra2 al-tukur2?-re
gu-du-ni an-na-ab-be2
a-ra-/ab-gig-ga\-[(X)]-e-ce

- Wisdom of the ages.

Graphite on Printer Paper

# ? Dec 18, 2019 11:13

limaCAT: Dec 22, 2007; il pistone e male; Slippery Tilde

MrSpiffy posted:

I have come out of my cave of being an internet has-been to purchase this. I have the winning bid.

Roll your eyes all you want - I think this drawing is important.

I was there for the original thread, and the SA forums of that time period formed my dumbass sense of humor. That single piece of art, with the jaunty leg tilt, crotch bulge, and unorthodox card handling technique, has brought me more joy than just about any weird internet thing I've ever encountered. It's pure art - drawn by someone with genuine intent to contribute to a collaborative internet project, and like a fuckin herald of the cesspool internet to come, that project flamed out as internet strangers from around the world came together to dunk hard on it. It's one of the earliest examples of how a bunch of anonymous strangers with mixed intentions collaboratively created something far greater than the sum of its parts, and must be preserved.

This drawing and the ideas it inspired brought people together. It continues to do so. The artist claimed that dumb gently caress $150,000 banana taped to a wall is worth that much because of the "idea" of it. If so, then what is the endless fount of inspiration that this drawing represents worth?

Like the balls on the edge of the cliff, forever appearing and knocking the next one down, Johnny Five Aces will go on forever motherfuckers.

I eagerly anticipate receiving this, getting it properly framed, and lending it out to any art exhibits of internet ephemera that might happen to pop up.

Hope you don't stick a banana on it and then eat it.

# ? Dec 18, 2019 11:46

limaCAT: Dec 22, 2007; il pistone e male; Slippery Tilde

AF posted:

pix when you get it please

pix but dressed as johnny

# ? Dec 18, 2019 11:50

limaCAT: Dec 22, 2007; il pistone e male; Slippery Tilde

Alan Smithee posted:

freddie make a ZC youtube video.

# ? Dec 18, 2019 11:51

MrSpiffy: Aug 13, 2000; FREDDIE WONG POSTING HERE

PinheadSlim posted:

You're a real class act Spiffy, how do you think you're gonna frame this piece of history? Are you thinking a minimalist frame so as not to distract the eye or perhaps an ornate sterling silver frame to match the beauty of the art itself?

My first instinct is to go minimalist and float mount it, so as to emphasize that what you're looking at is, in fact, an 8.5" x 11" piece of printer paper.

# ? Dec 18, 2019 12:11

strange feelings re Daisy: Aug 2, 2000

You'll need some kind of system of magnifying sheets and mirrors so visitors can be properly immersed in the Johnny Fiveaces experience.

# ? Dec 18, 2019 12:23

cnut: May 3, 2016

MrSpiffy posted:

My first instinct is to go minimalist and float mount it, so as to emphasize that what you're looking at is, in fact, an 8.5" x 11" piece of printer paper.

Please ask the seller to get some mugs going, tia.

# ? Dec 18, 2019 12:25

Scut: Aug 26, 2008; Please remind me to draw more often.; Soiled Meat

MrSpiffy posted:

My first instinct is to go minimalist and float mount it, so as to emphasize that what you're looking at is, in fact, an 8.5" x 11" piece of printer paper.

I like this idea. Also thank you for shelling out the money for this.
Does anyone know if the seller still has an account? I hope this will make a big enough dent in his student loans that he notices the change immediately.

# ? Dec 18, 2019 12:52

gary oldmans diary: Sep 26, 2005

i cant wait to eat that art

# ? Dec 18, 2019 13:27

Alien Sex Manual: Dec 14, 2010; is not a sandwich

I am also very happy the Zybourne Clock saga has a happy ending at long last.

# ? Dec 18, 2019 13:30

Facebook Aunt: Oct 4, 2008; wiggle wiggle

Labes for days posted:

I am also very happy the Zybourne Clock saga has a happy ending at long last.

Time works the same way.

# ? Dec 18, 2019 13:54

Yolomon Wayne: Jun 10, 2014; You call it "The Big Bang", but what really happened is; Grimey Drawer

CPL593H posted:

Make Groverhaus into a goon museum. These could be the exhibts:

-Johnny Fiveaces
-The removed joists and concept art for that bathroom
-The death march goon's broken baby carriage
-Swap.avi in the vilerat memorial screening room
-Lowtax's original spine
-Hulk Hogan meat shoes
-Slenderman
-A Vietnam memorial wall type thing but it's the complete "Dear Richard"
-The copy of the Man Who Fell to Earth that I bought from Aatrek before everyone found out he's a chomo
-They don't even fit

Will there be stairs in that house?

# ? Dec 18, 2019 14:39

dirty shrimp money: Jan 8, 2001

CPL593H posted:

Make Groverhaus into a goon museum. These could be the exhibts:

-Johnny Fiveaces
-The removed joists and concept art for that bathroom
-The death march goon's broken baby carriage
-Swap.avi in the vilerat memorial screening room
-Lowtax's original spine
-Hulk Hogan meat shoes
-Slenderman
-A Vietnam memorial wall type thing but it's the complete "Dear Richard"
-The copy of the Man Who Fell to Earth that I bought from Aatrek before everyone found out he's a chomo
-They don't even fit

Free mangosteen juice bar

# ? Dec 18, 2019 14:46

His Divine Shadow: Aug 7, 2000; I'm not a fascist. I'm a priest. Fascists dress up in black and tell people what to do.

limaCAT posted:

I am partial to Caro's rescue.

Wait he got rescued? I thought he was killed in syria or something.

# ? Dec 18, 2019 14:50

Twitch: Apr 15, 2003; by Fluffdaddy

It's been said before, but people don't talk about Greg Gammon nearly enough.

# ? Dec 18, 2019 14:50

DACK FAYDEN: Feb 25, 2013; Bear Witness

His Divine Shadow posted:

Wait he got rescued? I thought he was killed in syria or something.

Unironically, he got sprung from a Syrian hellprison after like 3+ years, sometime early this year or late last year. Prisoner exchange, maybe? It was on the actual real news and everything because it doesn't happen very often, goons just connected the dots.

# ? Dec 18, 2019 15:00

Sirotan: Oct 17, 2006; Sirotan is a seal.

MrSpiffy posted:

My first instinct is to go minimalist and float mount it, so as to emphasize that what you're looking at is, in fact, an 8.5" x 11" piece of printer paper.

I think you should incorporate playing cards into the frame design somehow. Maybe something like this, with a black mat:

or get a custom-printed mat board with a playing card design ala

paired with a solid color frame.

# ? Dec 18, 2019 15:01

CannonFodder: Jan 26, 2001; Passion’s Wrench

MrSpiffy posted:

I have come out of my cave of being an internet has-been to purchase this. I have the winning bid.

...

I eagerly anticipate receiving this, getting it properly framed, and lending it out to any art exhibits of internet ephemera that might happen to pop up.

I apologise for doubting the winner because of their very lower eBay rating. I'm glad that you have a great sense of humor about all of this.

Post pics of the final framed portrait of course

Lil Swamp Booger Baby posted:

Actually the number one reason they do it is to have sex with the art objects

So we all know why you bought the Johnny Five Aces

Came to have sex with Johnny Five Aces, stayed to marry the new character and hot find of 2019, Greg Gammon.

CannonFodder fucked around with this message at 15:33 on Dec 18, 2019

# ? Dec 18, 2019 15:28

George H.W. Cunt: Oct 6, 2010

The preserved tip of the blown off fingat and the Gamecube filled with beans

# ? Dec 18, 2019 15:40

Scholtz: Aug 24, 2007; Zorchin' some Flemoids

So glad this was bought and preserved.

# ? Dec 18, 2019 15:47

CRIP EATIN BREAD: Jun 24, 2002; Hey stop worrying bout my acting bitch, and worry about your WACK ass music. In the mean time... Eat a hot bowl of Dicks! Ice T; Soiled Meat

a solid use of $5,000.

# ? Dec 18, 2019 16:00

Sweaty IT Nerd: Jul 13, 2007

G_d bless these dead forums

# ? Dec 18, 2019 16:03

mikerock: Oct 29, 2005

This story made it to the front page of BBC News today:

https://www.bbc.com/news/world-us-canada-50817558

# ? Dec 18, 2019 16:15

FoolyCharged: Oct 11, 2012; Cheating at a raffle? I sentence you to 1 year in jail! No! Two years! Three! Four! Five years! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!
Somebody call for an ant?

I wonder how much he expected to get for that when he posted it. Because I'm guessing it was less than thousands.

# ? Dec 18, 2019 16:21

Rodney The Yam II: Mar 3, 2007

We are only one time-ball away from Johnny now

# ? Dec 18, 2019 16:24

Turpitude II: Nov 10, 2014

https://twitter.com/Superwoman1950/status/1207319192418041862

:lol:

# ? Dec 18, 2019 16:44

FUCK SNEEP: Apr 21, 2007

now that johnny is big news i need to see if i can find my .zip of all the original zybourne clock material I saved a decade ago

# ? Dec 18, 2019 16:59

Yolomon Wayne: Jun 10, 2014; You call it "The Big Bang", but what really happened is; Grimey Drawer

Turpitude II posted:

https://twitter.com/Superwoman1950/status/1207319192418041862

Now this is art.

# ? Dec 18, 2019 16:59

veni veni veni: Jun 5, 2005

gently caress you Lois!

# ? Dec 18, 2019 17:01

Dr. Video Games 0135: May 20, 2003; That's gonna be a zoinks from me, Scoob

One of my favorite parts of this story is being reminded that there was a point where a bunch of goons were sitting around and saying, "You know what isn't played-out and intensely stupid? Steampunk.

# ? Dec 18, 2019 17:04

Mirage: Oct 27, 2000; All is for the best, in this, the best of all possible worlds

Dr. Video Games 0135 posted:

One of my favorite parts of this story is being reminded that there was a point where a bunch of goons were sitting around and saying, "You know what isn't played-out and intensely stupid? Steampunk.

Even better, it was supposed to be "electropunk." There were soldiers with electric rifles and such.

# ? Dec 18, 2019 17:08

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# ? Jun 9, 2024 14:04

Araenna: Dec 27, 2012; Lipstick Apathy

CPL593H posted:

Make Groverhaus into a goon museum. These could be the exhibts:

-Johnny Fiveaces
-The removed joists and concept art for that bathroom
-The death march goon's broken baby carriage
-Swap.avi in the vilerat memorial screening room
-Lowtax's original spine
-Hulk Hogan meat shoes
-Slenderman
-A Vietnam memorial wall type thing but it's the complete "Dear Richard"
-The copy of the Man Who Fell to Earth that I bought from Aatrek before everyone found out he's a chomo
-They don't even fit

# ? Dec 18, 2019 17:08

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