Got a crazy forwarded political email from your family? Post them here.

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Debate & Discussion > Got a crazy forwarded political email from your family? Post them here.

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RagnarokAngel: Oct 5, 2006; Black Magic Extraordinaire

Narwhale posted:

I'm no historian, but isn't this exactly what happened and is still happening in a lot of places?

Oh wow I must have glazed over that sentence. That's hilarious.

# ? Jan 12, 2011 21:27

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# ? May 23, 2024 13:30

24-7 Urkel Cosplay: Feb 12, 2003

quote:

16 Ways to be a Good Liberal

1. You have to be against capital punishment, but support abortion on demand.

2. You have to believe that businesses create oppression and governments create prosperity.

3. You have to believe that guns in the hands of law-abiding citizens are more of a threat than U. S. nuclear weapons technology in the hands of Iran or Chinese and North Korean communists.

4. You have to believe that there was no art before federal funding.

5. You have to believe that global temperatures are less affected by cyclical changes in the earth's climate and more affected by soccer moms driving SUV's.

6. You have to believe that the AIDS virus is spread by a lack of federal funding.

7. You have to believe that the same teacher who can't teach 4th-graders how to read is somehow qualified to teach those same kids about sex.

8. You have to believe that self-esteem is more important than actually doing something to earn it.

9. You have to believe that Mel Gibson spent $25 million of his own money to make "The Passion of the Christ" for financial gain only.

10. You have to believe the NRA is bad because it supports certain parts of the Constitution, while the ACLU is good because it supports certain parts of the Constitution.

11. You have to believe that taxes are too low, but ATM fees are too high.

12. You have to believe that Jesse Jackson and Gloria Steinem are more important to American history than Thomas Jefferson, Gen. Robert E. Lee, and Thomas Edison.

13. You have to believe that standardized tests are racist, but racial quotas and set-asides are not.

14. You have to believe that the only reason socialism hasn't worked anywhere it's been tried is because the right people haven't been in charge.

15. You have to believe that homosexual parades displaying drag queens and transvestites should be constitutionally protected, and manger scenes at
Christmas should be illegal.

16. You have to believe that this facebook group is part of a vast, right-wing conspiracy ......(which it is).

GOD HELP AMERICA!

Sigh...

I don't even understand what #11 is trying to get at.

# ? Jan 12, 2011 21:53

Plinkey: Aug 4, 2004; by Fluffdaddy

Chunk posted:

Sigh...

I don't even understand what #11 is trying to get at.

ATM fees must now be the epitome of free market capitalism fees.

# ? Jan 12, 2011 21:57

crime fighting hog: Jun 29, 2006; I only pray, Heaven knows when to lift you out

Is 7 alluding to something that happened or what?

# ? Jan 12, 2011 22:01

Dr Christmas: Apr 24, 2010; Berninating the one percent,
Berninating the Wall St.
Berninating all the people
In their high rise penthouses!
🔥😱🔥🔫👴🏻

Chunk posted:

Sigh...

I don't even understand what #11 is trying to get at.

It hate the stupid "ACLU rushes to defend Muslims, NAMBLA, and flag burners, but is silent on Christians, American flags being flown patriotically, and TSA gropings and full body scanners" meme, because it's becoming more and more entrenched despite the fact that 30 seconds on their site will get you TONS of their work on those latter complaints.

# ? Jan 12, 2011 22:01

SmuglyDismissed: Nov 27, 2007; IGNORE ME!!!

Lansdowne posted:

Why does it have to be some mass prayer over the PA system for you to take part? Despite what you may think, if you pray in the middle of a football game, an athiest brownshirt is not going to come down and stop you!

I find it funny when people who support institutionalized public prayer turn around and get upset when gay people 'throw their lifesyle in their face' by holding hands or expecting policies pertaining couples to be inclusive.

It all seems part of a defense mechanism aimed at accusing the 'other side' of doing the exact things they are guilty of.

# ? Jan 12, 2011 22:04

24-7 Urkel Cosplay: Feb 12, 2003

SmuglyDismissed posted:

I find it funny when people who support institutionalized public prayer turn around and get upset when gay people 'throw their lifesyle in their face' by holding hands or expecting policies pertaining couples to be inclusive.

It all seems part of a defense mechanism aimed at accusing the 'other side' of doing the exact things they are guilty of.

That's exactly what it is. It's quite effective. It forces the other side to essentially defend the actions of the accuser.

# ? Jan 12, 2011 22:26

RagnarokAngel: Oct 5, 2006; Black Magic Extraordinaire

crime fighting hog posted:

Is 7 alluding to something that happened or what?

The poor state of our education system. But rather than address the issues of teachers being under qualified to do their job just bitch they shouldn't be doing other things either, like sex ed. We got our intro to sex ed in...5th grade so it's not far off the mark.

# ? Jan 12, 2011 22:44

York_M_Chan: Sep 11, 2003

RagnarokAngel posted:

Paul Harvey says:

I don't believe in Santa Claus...

How could this FWD: have not ended with "And now you know� the rest of the story."

# ? Jan 12, 2011 22:56

Orange Devil: Oct 1, 2010; Wullie's reign cannae smother the flames o' equality!

Chunk posted:

Sigh...

I don't even understand what #11 is trying to get at.

Number 7 seems to be the worst. Is the right attacking teachers now? Or is this a union thing?

# ? Jan 12, 2011 23:35

RagnarokAngel: Oct 5, 2006; Black Magic Extraordinaire

Orange Devil posted:

Number 7 seems to be the worst. Is the right attacking teachers now? Or is this a union thing?

Well let's look at the facts.

1.People in academia tend to lean to the left.
2.Female dominated profession.
3.Teacher's unions.
4.Poor education system. Clearly the fault of the educators and not the higher ups.
5.Try and teach evolution/Sex ed.

Ergo, teachers are anti-American.

# ? Jan 12, 2011 23:38

i am the bird: Mar 2, 2005; I SUPPORT ALL THE PREDATORS

The Mel Gibson thing is weirder than the rest of it, to me.

# ? Jan 13, 2011 01:07

Revdomezehis: Jul 26, 2003; OMG a Moose!

Naet posted:

The Mel Gibson thing is weirder than the rest of it, to me.

Same here, I've never heard anyone say that Gibson did the film just to make money. Though as usual with these sorts of e-mails, it's not like the truth has any part in them.

# ? Jan 13, 2011 01:19

ChipNDip: Sep 6, 2010; How many deaths are prevented by an executive order that prevents big box stores from selling seeds, furniture, and paint?

RagnarokAngel posted:

Well clearly some fall for it based on the email I posted. I think people are so easily prone to believing "The world's gone mad!" because it lets them feel smarter.

Edit: Oh hey a new one:

Sigh...oh boy this is a doozy. First off we're back to this one? I guess it never left but let's take a look at this.

Muslims have no particular restrictions against jewelry, on Ramadan or otherwise.

This year Ramadan was quite early, between August 11th and September 9th, meaning if he wasn't wearing his jewelry it was unrelated to the holiday

They really think he could go to Hawaii and dodge paparazzi by going to a Mosque? If he was trying to keep a low profile his hometown would be the last place to do that.

Similar myths about Obama not wearing his wedding ring and watch for Ramadan went around in the fall too. The thing about it is, orthodox Muslim men aren't supposed to ever wear gold, Ramadan or not.

# ? Jan 13, 2011 02:35

Tias: May 25, 2008; Pictured: the patron saint of internet political arguments (probably)

This avatar made possible by a gift from the Religionthread Posters Relief Fund

Bagheera posted:

and the DEA is growing cocaine to enslave American blacks and fund right-wing Colombian death squads. Somehow Russia, China, and Iran are Latin America's best friends.

Seein as CIA verifiably has had a hand in both production and distribution of cocaine, it's not all that out there to be honest.

# ? Jan 13, 2011 09:07

nm: Jan 28, 2008; "I saw Minos the Space Judge holding a golden sceptre and passing sentence upon the Martians. There he presided, and around him the noble Space Prosecutors sought the firm justice of space law."

Chunk posted:

12. You have to believe that Jesse Jackson and Gloria Steinem are more important to American history than Thomas Jefferson, Gen. Robert E. Lee, and Thomas Edison.

This is particularly funny as Texas conservatives just banished Thomas Jefferson from the history books.

# ? Jan 13, 2011 11:36

MrNemo: Aug 26, 2010; "I just love beeting off"

crime fighting hog posted:

Is 7 alluding to something that happened or what?

I believe there was some school that wanted to introduce sex education at the 4th grade, primarily in a, "men and women do things together and if someone touches you down there it's wrong and you should tell someone," sort of way. This was the trumpeted as "Lieberals want to indoctrinate your children into having SEX!!!!"

The ATM thing is basically, "Liberals complain about corporate price gouging but want to make people pay for government services! Hypocrisy!" I'd say it totally ignores relative costs, the fact that the banks charge these fees in order to generate massive profits while the government is running at a deficit and lots of other relevant points but they aren't even ignoring that. It's purely that they think free enterprise can charge what they like and all taxes are bad and wasted.

The whole list is pretty much a collection of things crazy conservatives believe about liberals based on stuff they usually think.

# ? Jan 13, 2011 13:38

RagnarokAngel: Oct 5, 2006; Black Magic Extraordinaire

We should add on to it these are kind of fun in a crazy kind of way.

You have to believe killing babies is ok but killing criminals who actually did something bad is wrong.

# ? Jan 13, 2011 23:34

RagnarokAngel: Oct 5, 2006; Black Magic Extraordinaire

Sorry to bump but here's an interesting new one going around. It's not an email per se, it's a link (I checked, it's clean). The email just says it's congress correcting Obama on E Pluribus Unum as our motto.
http://forbes.house.gov/UploadedFiles/National_Motto_Letter_to_President.pdf

I cant copy the good parts because text cant be highlighted but I assure you it's good. I loved this one though:

quote:

The Declaration of Independence definitively recognizes God, our Creator, as the source of our rights. Omitting the word "Creator" once was a mistake; but twice establishes a pattern

A pattern of what? That he's a Socialist Islamic Atheist Kenyan? And nevermind that the constitution they love so much doesn't mention God once except in the context of not giving him particular weight in government.

# ? Jan 14, 2011 17:39

Pocket Billiards: Aug 29, 2007; .

Chunk posted:

Sigh...

I don't even understand what #11 is trying to get at.

Banks are run by Jews and their state is necessary to usher in the Rapture.

# ? Jan 15, 2011 05:40

cbirdsong: Sep 8, 2004; Commodore of the Apocalypso; Lipstick Apathy

MrNemo posted:

The ATM thing is basically, "Liberals complain about corporate price gouging but want to make people pay for government services! Hypocrisy!" I'd say it totally ignores relative costs, the fact that the banks charge these fees in order to generate massive profits while the government is running at a deficit and lots of other relevant points but they aren't even ignoring that. It's purely that they think free enterprise can charge what they like and all taxes are bad and wasted.

ATM fees/bank fees are also incredibly regressive.

# ? Jan 15, 2011 07:51

PerniciousKnid: Sep 13, 2006

CDOR Gemini posted:

ATM fees/bank fees are also incredibly regressive.

The only kind of consumption that is progressive, that I can think of, is college tuition, which I'm afraid might be ironic.

# ? Jan 15, 2011 15:00

Brennanite: Feb 14, 2009

Can't believe this is circulating again. I wish all the crazy colors and fonts could come through, it truly was a rainbow. From my homophobic grandfather.

quote:

Buy AMERICAN!!

Subject: FW: where to buy American gas

You might want to pass this on. I buy 90% of our gasoline at ARCO . . . but take a look at WALMART. WOW they do it right

WHERE TO BUY AMERICAN GASOLINE.
THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT TO KNOW.. READ ON.

Gas rationing in the 70's worked even though we grumbled about it. It might even have been good for us!

Are you aware that the Saudis are boycotting American products?
In addition, they are gouging us on oil prices.
Shouldn't we return the favor? Can't we take control of our own destiny and let these giant oil importers know who REALLY generates their profits, their livings?
How about leaving American Dollars in America and reduce the import/export deficit?
An appealing remedy might be to boycott their GAS.. Every time you fill up your car you can avoid putting more money into the coffers of Saudi Arabia .
Just purchase gas from companies that don't import their oil from the Saudis.
Nothing is more frustrating than the feeling that every time I fill up my tank, I'm sending my money to people who I get the impression want me, my family and my friends dead. The following gas companies import Middle Eastern oil:

Shell.......................................... 205,742,000 barrels
Chevron/Texaco..................... 144,332,000 barrels
Exxon /Mobil.......................... 130,082,000 barrels
Marathon/Speedway.............. 117,740,000 barrels
Amoco....................................... 62,231,000 barrels
And CITGO oil is imported from Venezuela by Dictator Hugo Chavez who hates America and openly avows our economic destruction! (We pay Chavez's regime nearly $10 Billion per year in oil revenues!)

The U.S. currently imports 5,517,000 barrels of crude oil per day from OPEC.
If you do the math at $100 per barrel, that's over $550 million PER DAY ($200 BILLION per year!) handed over to OPEC, many of whose members are our confirmed enemies!!!!!
It won't stop here - oil prices could go to $200 a barrel or higher if we keep buying their product..

Here are some large companies that do not import Middle Eastern oil:
Sunoco.......................... 0 barrels
Conoco......................... 0 barrels
0ASinclair................... 0 barrels
BP / Phillips................. 0 barrels
Hess.............................. 0 barrels
ARC0............................ 0 barrels
Maverick....................... 0 barrels
Flying J..........................0 barrels
Valero.......................... 0 barrels
Murphy Oil USA*....... 0 barrels
*Sold at Wal-Mart, gas is from South Arkansas and fully USA owned and produced.
*Not only that but they give scholarships to all children in their town who finish high school and are legal US citizens..

All of this information is available from the U.S. Department of Energy and each company is required to state where they get their oil and how much they are importing.

But to have a real impact, we need to reach literally millions of gas buyers
With the help of the internet, it's really simple to do. Now, don't wimp out at this point . . . keep reading, and I'll explain how simple it is to reach millions of people!!

I'm sending this note to about thirty people. If each of you send it to at only ten more (30 x 10 = 300) . . . and those 300 send it to at least ten more (300 x 10 = 3,000) . . . and so on, by the time the message reaches the sixth generation of people, we will have reached over THREE MILLION consumers!!!!!!!

If those three million get excited and pass this on to ten friends each, then 30 million people will have been contacted! If it goes one level further, you guessed it . . . THREE HUNDRED MILLION PEOPLE -- the entire population of the United States of America !!!!

Again, all you have to do is forward this message to 10 people. How long would that really take you? If each of us sends this e-mail out to ten more people, within one day all 300 MILLION people could theoretically be contacted during the next eight days.

# ? Jan 15, 2011 17:24

XyloJW: Jul 23, 2007

You heard it here first! Buy BP!

I also like that the idea that America doesn't even have that much oil doesn't occur to him.

# ? Jan 15, 2011 17:29

Turing sex machine: Dec 14, 2008; I want to have
your robot-babies

quote:

I'm sending this note to about thirty people. If each of you send it to at only ten more (30 x 10 = 300) . . . and those 300 send it to at least ten more (300 x 10 = 3,000) . . . and so on, by the time the message reaches the sixth generation of people, we will have reached over THREE MILLION consumers!!!!!!!

If those three million get excited and pass this on to ten friends each, then 30 million people will have been contacted! If it goes one level further, you guessed it . . . THREE HUNDRED MILLION PEOPLE -- the entire population of the United States of America !!!!

Again, all you have to do is forward this message to 10 people. How long would that really take you? If each of us sends this e-mail out to ten more people, within one day all 300 MILLION people could theoretically be contacted during the next eight days.

hahahahahaaa

# ? Jan 15, 2011 17:32

XyloJW: Jul 23, 2007

Turing sex machine posted:

hahahahahaaa

And really, why stop there?

"And if those 300 MILLION each send it on to 10 MORE PEOPLE, where will that have us? 3 BILLION PEOPLE!!!! And if those 3 billion send it on to just 10 friends, it will have reached 30 BILLION PEOPLE! THAT'S MORE THAN THE ENTIRE POPULATION OF THE EARTH!!!! In just two more generations, aliens will know not to buy evil Muslim oil!!!"

# ? Jan 15, 2011 17:35

Foyes36: Oct 23, 2005; Food fight!

XyloJW posted:

You heard it here first! Buy BP!

I also like that the idea that America doesn't even have that much oil doesn't occur to him.

Well, we don't have nearly enough to satiate our demands, but we're not exactly terrible on that scale either. We have about 21.3 billion barrels of proven reserves, which puts us in 13th place ahead of China (with 15.7 billion) and right behind Qatar (with 27.2 billion).

Then again, the number 1 country (The Kingdom) has 264 billion and the top five countries have well over 100 billion barrels each, so yeah, we're not exactly rich with it either. But not poor (compared to most other countries)!

# ? Jan 15, 2011 17:38

nm: Jan 28, 2008; "I saw Minos the Space Judge holding a golden sceptre and passing sentence upon the Martians. There he presided, and around him the noble Space Prosecutors sought the firm justice of space law."

Brennanite posted:

Can't believe this is circulating again. I wish all the crazy colors and fonts could come through, it truly was a rainbow. From my homophobic grandfather.

People don't understand fungible commodities or how gasoline is sold in the US, news at 11.

# ? Jan 15, 2011 21:24

Seat Safety Switch: May 27, 2008; MY RELIGION IS THE SMALL BLOCK V8 AND COMMANDMENTS ONE THROUGH TEN ARE NEVER LIFT.; Pillbug

Brennanite's Grandpa posted:

*Sold at Wal-Mart, gas is from South Arkansas and fully USA owned and produced.
*Not only that but they give scholarships to all children in their town who finish high school and are legal US citizens..

They really can't keep from mixing their peanut butter and chocolate brands of crazy, self-destructive xenophobia, huh?

# ? Jan 15, 2011 21:38

nm: Jan 28, 2008; "I saw Minos the Space Judge holding a golden sceptre and passing sentence upon the Martians. There he presided, and around him the noble Space Prosecutors sought the firm justice of space law."

Seat Safety Switch posted:

They really can't keep from mixing their peanut butter and chocolate brands of crazy, self-destructive xenophobia, huh?

I want to know what an illegal us citizen is.

edit: Send this to your grandfather and tell his homophobic rear end to suck it: http://www.murphyoilcorp.com/ir/modal.aspx?ID=847

# ? Jan 15, 2011 21:46

peter banana: Sep 2, 2008; Feminism is a socialist, anti-family, political movement that encourages women to leave their husbands, kill their children, practice witchcraft, destroy capitalism and become lesbians.

If anyone gets the idea from that e-mail to buy less oil altogether, I'm kinda down with it.

peter banana fucked around with this message at 07:46 on Jan 16, 2011

# ? Jan 15, 2011 23:03

Deuce: Jun 18, 2004; Mile High Club

HipGnosis posted:

If anyone gets the idea from that e-mail to buy <i>less</i> oil altogether, I'm kinda down with it.

My car doesn't run on oil it runs on gas. :smug:

# ? Jan 15, 2011 23:27

Ballz: Dec 16, 2003; it's mario time

Here's one about one of Florida's newest Congressmen, Allen West:

quote:

BE SURE TO SEE THE VIDEO AT THE END.

Subject: : Meet Col. West--A must see

READ THIS THEN SEE THE VIDEO

Meet Col. West--A must see

Only two blacks were newly elected to congress this cycle, and both are Republican. Col West is from southern Florida, a bastion of the Democratic Party. He won in a walk.

It is worth the viewing. This new Congressman was an extremely popular commander in Iraq . He was forced to retire because during an intense combat action a few of his men were captured. At the same time his men had captured one of the guys who were with the Iraqis who captured his men.

Knowing that time was crucial and his interrogators were not getting anywhere with the prisoner COL West took matters into his own hands. He burst into the room and demanded thru an interpreter that the prisoner tell him where his men were being taken. The prisoner refused so COL West took out his pistol and placed it into the prisoner's crotch and fired. Then the COL told the prisoner that the next shot would not miss. So the prisoner said he would show where the American service members were being taken. The Americans were rescued. Some one filed a report on incorrect handling of prisoners. COL West was forced to retire. COL West was just elected in November 2010 to Congress from Florida . During the elections he was part of a panel on how to handle or how to relate to Muslims. You will see his answer here.

Here is one of the new congressmen from Florida explaining very definitively in just over a minute the truth about Islam. Please watch and if you agree; please forward it to your friends, if you disagree, please hit the �delete� button.

http://secure.afa.net/afa/activism/takeaction.asp?id=384

My mom sent me this with her message "Outstanding. This man knows history and who the enemy is." Watching the video I was less inclined to agree he "knows history." He does know how to spout random dates and locations in history to imply ISLAMS=BAD though.

A quick check of Wikipedia also reveals a starkly different version of events about what West did in Iraq and why he resigned (quick summary if you don't click that link: he's kind of a dick).

I replied to her with the Wikipedia link and saying what a complete whitewash of historical events he gave in that video (I probably should've mentioned the Southern Poverty Law Center also considers the AFA a hate group), and her response was as follows:

My Mom posted:

The Crusades. Please. Let's gloss over the fact that the muslims denied access to the holy sites to Christians, not to mention their overrun of the Iberian peninsula. It took the Christians 700 years to push them out of Spain. They would have been in the rest of Europe if not for Charles Martel. And spare me the tale of how civilized they were compared to the Christians. Speaking for myself, I'm grateful tney never got farther than Turkey. Their treatment of women and total intolerance of other religions (blowing up the Buddah statues, the bombings of churches in Cairo) scares the hell out of me. This is happening right now (along with sexual mutilation of girls), not back in the Middle Ages. But I know, you have your views and I have mine. Sorry but I have Conservative views and you obviously are way to the left of me. About this new congressman, whatever he did in Iraq he at least sees Islam for what it is. And no, we didn't make it the enemy. They proclaimed the jihad.

I wasn't itching to get into a fight, so I told her I'd let it go. But I thought I'd post it as another example of the narrow worldview that many conservatives share. My mom is overall a very smart and reasonable individual. She's even a big science nut and Creationists drive her batty. But there's a cliff somewhere in her brain that she completely drives off of... it starts with global warming being a hoax and then it only goes downhill from there.

Note she said I'm "obviously way to the left." Thing is, I used to consider myself pretty conservative, although I admit I've become much more progressive in terms of social issues in recent years (gay and minority rights, etc). But the fact I voted for Obama and want us to stop polluting the environment has turned me into a card carrying socialist in the eyes of my family. I wish I could say my mom's an isolated case, but she's actually one of the more reasonable ones.

Apologies for going on a mini e/n rant there. Just wanted to get that off my chest and also share the original (and stupid) email about Rep. West.

Ballz fucked around with this message at 03:01 on Jan 18, 2011

# ? Jan 18, 2011 02:56

XyloJW: Jul 23, 2007

Ballz posted:

Here's one about one of Florida's newest Congressmen, Allen West:

My mom sent me this with her message "Outstanding. This man knows history and who the enemy is." Watching the video I was less inclined to agree he "knows history." He does know how to spout random dates and locations in history to imply ISLAMS=BAD though.

A quick check of Wikipedia also reveals a starkly different version of events about what West did in Iraq and why he resigned (quick summary if you don't click that link: he's kind of a dick).

I replied to her with the Wikipedia link and saying what a complete whitewash of historical events he gave in that video (I probably should've mentioned the Southern Poverty Law Center also considers the AFA a hate group), and her response was as follows:

The biggest problem with it all is that West's interrogation revealed NO USEFUL INFORMATION. He psychologically tortured the guy and got an address. When they investigated the address, there was nothing there. That's all you need to tell her. His little stunt was a huge waste of time, and there is nothing heroic about it. He didn't save any lives!

The moral of the story? When you torture someone, they'll tell you whatever you want to hear!

Of course when someone lets global warming denialism into their minds, you're in for a long, uphill battle for honesty. It's a literal conspiracy theory of thousands.

# ? Jan 18, 2011 03:07

Ballz: Dec 16, 2003; it's mario time

XyloJW posted:

Of course when someone lets global warming denialism into their minds, you're in for a long, uphill battle for honesty. It's a literal conspiracy theory of thousands.

This is probably the most frustrating aspect of all when it comes to my mom. She's a HUGE science dork. She loves National Geographic. She bought me a subscription of Smithsonian for Christmas. She's building an impressive collection of fossilized trilobites. But utter the words "climate" and "change" in the same sentence and she'll roll her eyes and say, "Oh, I see Al Gore got to you too, huh?"

The day I pay her a visit and she starts warning me the perils of "evilution," I'm going to start looking into nursing homes.

# ? Jan 18, 2011 03:31

JerkyBunion: Jun 22, 2002

I'm looking for the responses to the "Welcome to the Republican Party" e-mail that was posted not long ago but can't find it and this is a pretty long thread. Search isn't helping. I miss "Search this Thread."

Here's the e-mail

code:

> >> > Smart Thinking !
> >> > 
> >> > 
> >> > 
> >> > I recently asked my friend's little girl what she wanted to be when
> >> > she grows up. She said she wanted to be President some day. Both of
> >> > her parents, liberal Democrats, were standing there, so I asked her,
> >> > If you were President what would be the first thing you would do?
> >> > She replied, I'd give food and houses to all the homeless people.
> >> > Her parents beamed with pride.
> >> > Wow...what a worthy goal. I told her, But you don't have to wait
> >> > until you're President to do that. You can come over to my house and
> >> > mow the lawn, pull weeds, rake leaves, sweep the driveway, and I'll
> >> > pay you $50. Then I'll take you over to the grocery store where the
> >> > homeless guy hangs out, and you can give him the $50 to use toward
> >> > food and a new house.
> >> > She thought that over for a few seconds, then she looked me straight
> >> > in the eye and asked, Why doesn't the homeless guy come over and do
> >> > the work, and you can just pay him the $50?
> >> > I said,.... Welcome to the Republican Party.
> >> > Her parents still aren't speaking to me.

# ? Jan 18, 2011 07:01

Dr Christmas: Apr 24, 2010; Berninating the one percent,
Berninating the Wall St.
Berninating all the people
In their high rise penthouses!
🔥😱🔥🔫👴🏻

Here's the LF Welcome to the Republican Party thread and the similar goldmined The Atheist and the Bear thread.

# ? Jan 18, 2011 07:22

nm: Jan 28, 2008; "I saw Minos the Space Judge holding a golden sceptre and passing sentence upon the Martians. There he presided, and around him the noble Space Prosecutors sought the firm justice of space law."

Ballz posted:

Note she said I'm "obviously way to the left." Thing is, I used to consider myself pretty conservative, although I admit I've become much more progressive in terms of social issues in recent years (gay and minority rights, etc). But the fact I voted for Obama and want us to stop polluting the environment has turned me into a card carrying socialist in the eyes of my family. I wish I could say my mom's an isolated case, but she's actually one of the more reasonable ones.

What is funny is that back in the middle ages Islam was much more enlightened in their treatment of women than Christianity. Ignorance is fun.
Also, Southern Florida is democratic? Where'd the cubans move to?

# ? Jan 18, 2011 09:42

Angry Avocado: Jun 6, 2010

Miss Fats posted:

code:

> >> > Smart Thinking !
> >> > 
> >> > 
> >> > 
> >> > I recently asked my friend's little girl what she wanted to be when
> >> > she grows up. She said she wanted to be President some day. Both of
> >> > her parents, liberal Democrats, were standing there, so I asked her,
> >> > If you were President what would be the first thing you would do?
> >> > She replied, I'd give food and houses to all the homeless people.
> >> > Her parents beamed with pride.
> >> > Wow...what a worthy goal. I told her, But you don't have to wait
> >> > until you're President to do that. You can come over to my house and
> >> > mow the lawn, pull weeds, rake leaves, sweep the driveway, and I'll
> >> > pay you $50. Then I'll take you over to the grocery store where the
> >> > homeless guy hangs out, and you can give him the $50 to use toward
> >> > food and a new house.
> >> > She thought that over for a few seconds, then she looked me straight
> >> > in the eye and asked, Why doesn't the homeless guy come over and do
> >> > the work, and you can just pay him the $50?
> >> > I said,.... Welcome to the Republican Party.
> >> > Her parents still aren't speaking to me.

Ah yes, the "using a kid as a strawman" trope. Because nothing shows how smart you really are when you can beat a six year old in a political debate.
I remember this one being posted a while back, which is also when I first found out about the LF thread. Some responses:

quote:

I was talking to a friend's little girl, and she said she wanted to be President some day. Both of her parents, liberal Democrats, were standing there, so I asked her, 'If you were to be the President, what is the first thing you would do?'

She replied, 'I'd give food and houses to all the homeless people.' 'Wow - what a worthy goal.' I told her, 'You don't have to wait until you're President to do that. You can come over to my house and mow, pull weeds, and sweep my sidewalks and driveway, and I'll pay you $50. Then I'll take you over to the grocery store where the homeless guy hangs out, and you can give him the $50 to use toward food or a new house.' She thought that over for a few seconds 'cause she's only 6. And while her Mom glared at me, the little girl looked me straight in the eye and asked, "Why doesn't the homeless guy come over and do the work, and you can just pay him the $50?"

Because I hate the homeless, sweetie. I'd never offer anyone in rags a job. But I'm perfectly fine with child labor.

Her little 6 year old face scowled and she looked down before muttering "You're a mean man." I sneered at her and said, "Welcome to the face of the Republican Party, sweetheart."

quote:

I was talking to a friend's little boy who mows my lawn. I was telling him that I found someone else to mow my lawn.

"What do you mean?" he started tearing up. "Haven't I done a good job?". "It's not that" I said. "I pay you $20 to mow my lawn and I found a mexican guy who will do it for $10. Sorry, it's market forces at work". "I thought you hated illegal immmigrants?" the boy said. "I do" I replied "but business is business". The boy paused and thought for a moment. "So even though we don't like illegal immigrants we can still hire them? All this time I could have just outsourced it to this guy and made $10 a week for doing nothing while still hating his guts?"

And I said, "Welcome to the Republican Party"

quote:

I was talking to a friend's little girl, and she said she wanted to have affordable, universal healthcare some day. Both of her parents, liberal Democrats, were in their house getting ready to canvass for Obama, so I asked her, 'If you were President, how would you propose we pay for this?'

She replied, 'First, I'd repeal the Bush tax cuts and close corporate taxation loopholes that have allowed big businesses to pay essentially zero tax on their profits and end their outsourcing of American jobs to keep our economy strong. Next, I would cut America's defense spending by 20%, which would still allow us to have the most advanced, modernized military in the world while adding over $180 billion dollars to the federal budget. Lastly, I would return our troops from Afghanistan and Iraq in a responsible and timely manner, returning more than $8.4 billion dollars a month to the federal coffers. Taken together, all of these things would allow America to implement this much needed social reform.'

Then I punched her in the face, because I had absolutely no logical refutation of her points. She ran inside to her parents, crying, and streaming a trail of blood behind her. I chuckled as I thought of the healthcare bills her parents would face to repair her broken nose.

I called after her and said, "Welcome to the Republican Party, sweetheart."

Orbis Tertius kicks it up a notch:

quote:

I was talking to a friend's little girl, and she said she wanted to be President some day. Both of her parents, liberal Democrats, were standing there, so I asked her, 'If you were to be the President, what is the first thing you would do?'

She replied, 'I'd give food and houses to all the homeless people.' 'Wow - what a worthy goal.' I told her, 'You don't have to wait until you're President to do that. You can come over to my house and mow, pull weeds, and sweep my sidewalks and driveway, and I'll pay you $50. Then I'll take you over to the grocery store where the homeless guy hangs out, and you can give him the $50 to use toward food or a new house.'

She thought that over for a few seconds 'cause she's only 6. And while her Mom glared at me, the little girl looked me straight in the eye and said, "I've got a better idea: how about I give a portion of the $50 to the government, which will in turn fund and regulate programs which try to directly address the causes of poverty, or at least mitigate the restrictions it places on upward mobility. Maybe then, after being given a modest amount of financial security, he will be able to make some use of your ill-conceived charity, instead of burning through it in a week on food and basic needs, still penniless and desperate in the end. Buy a new house? Are you loving kidding me, old man?"

I felt the blood drain from my face. I had heard the rumors, but didn't believe I would see it firsthand: Godless communist bastards had infiltrated the American heartland and they had raped this precious mind. Devoid of sense, the pint-sized pinko stared up at me with a bemused expression.

Through clenched teeth I hissed at her parents, "Adorable, but just you wait! This affront will not go unanswered! Your brain-dead progeny will come to know the failure of your ideology, and when she does I will personally welcome her to God's party, the Republican party!" And then I fled, jogging a half a block and then, throwing my substantial bulk around the street corner to gain momentum, made a mad dash to my home, my fortress. God help us all.

Perianwyr points out a problem with the original story:

perianwyr posted:

you know, part of the problem with all this is that generally if you ask a little kid to give his money to someone else to help them, he often does

And thus Dohminator created this story, which is not only more realistic but also a better analogy on how taxes really work:

quote:

I was talking to a friend's little girl, and she said she wanted to be President some day. Both of her parents, liberal Democrats, were standing there, so I asked her, 'If you were to be the President, what is the first thing you would do?'

She replied, 'I'd give food and houses to all the homeless people.' 'Wow - what a worthy goal.' I told her, 'You don't have to wait until you're President to do that. You can come over to my house and mow, pull weeds, and sweep my sidewalks and driveway, and I'll pay you $50. Then I'll take $15 of it to local shelter that helps homeless people get off the street and stay off that street, and we can donate to it to them. Then you get to keep part of the money for yourself while helping others.' She thought that over for a few seconds 'cause she's only 6. And while her Mom glared at me, the little girl looked me straight in the eye and replied, "That sounds like a great idea"

And I said, "Welcome to the Democratic Party, sweetheart."

nm posted:

What is funny is that back in the middle ages Islam was much more enlightened in their treatment of women than Christianity. Ignorance is fun.
Also, Southern Florida is democratic? Where'd the cubans move to?

Back in the middle-ages, Islam was much more enlightened in their treatment of women and tolerance of religion than they are today, too. You'll often hear people say the Islam is stuck in the middle-ages, but the truth is that if they really were, everyone would be better off.

# ? Jan 18, 2011 11:34

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# ? May 23, 2024 13:30

RagnarokAngel: Oct 5, 2006; Black Magic Extraordinaire

quote:

Royal snub for the Obama's:

Prince William and Kate Middleton wedding: President Barack Obama and Michelle are not invited!

Michelle is livid over the snub and Obama can't believe it. What is happening and what he can do about it seems to be the thought in Obama's head. Meanwhile, William and Kate have it together.....

Prince William and Kate Middleton are planning a royal wedding April, 2011. Prince William personally told the wedding planners to strike the Obama's from the guest list. He stated, "He did not want Michelle Obama trying to pull her center of attention ploy to upstage Kate on Kate's wedding day".

Sources reveal that William states, "She may run Obama, but she doesn't run him or England". The Democrats and Obama would like to play the race card as they have done so many times in America, but it is difficult when other black heads of states are invited to the wedding and will be warmly received.

Now, what is the future King of England's reasons for Snubbing the Obama's to the world and making them a laughing stock?

First, It has nothing to do with America beyond being so stupid as to elect such low class imperfection to the office of President and First Lady. The decisions that they make can and will affect the World.

Second, Michelle called his mother Diana an over-sexed clothes horse, and further stated that she, Michelle, was more popular than Diana ever was.

Third, Michelle Obama showed her butt at every major social function endeavoring to be the Queen in the lime light. In other words, just a lack of class.

Fourth, the Queen Mother also has her reasons. Obama refused to bow to her, but a few days later bowed to the King of Saudi Arabia. Michelle manhandled her by becoming too familiar by putting her arm around her. The Queen only shakes hands with gloves on. Those are the Traditions that are still honored by the Royals. The Queen said to her staff, "Never allow that woman to be in the same room with me again" and she meant every word of it. The gifts from Obama and Michelle were both tacky and in poor taste. It is all a matter of class.

In addition the Queen Mother supported Prince William in his decision, due to the fact, the word is out about the lavish booze parties at the White House, the expensive vacations and state visits that cost the American tax payers billions of dollars un-necessarily when the American people need the resources. We here at True American can't decide if it is Just low class, no class, big a_S or all that has just been mentioned.

The Obama's are desperately trying to make it a slight against America. Every past Head of State has always been invited. This is not a state function and William is not yet a Sovereign. It is just a multi-million dollar private wedding and the Obama's have been royally snubbed by the British Royals; not America, just the present classless leaders. The True American!

quote:

The Democrats and Obama would like to play the race card as they have done so many times in America,

When?

quote:

First, It has nothing to do with America beyond being so stupid as to elect such low class imperfection to the office of President and First Lady

Low class? Is this a black thing? (you know it is)

quote:

Fourth, the Queen Mother also has her reasons. Obama refused to bow to her, but a few days later bowed to the King of Saudi Arabia. Michelle manhandled her by becoming too familiar by putting her arm around her. The Queen only shakes hands with gloves on. Those are the Traditions that are still honored by the Royals. The Queen said to her staff, "Never allow that woman to be in the same room with me again" and she meant every word of it. The gifts from Obama and Michelle were both tacky and in poor taste. It is all a matter of class.

The Queen didn't have a problem with this and gave Obama a signed picture of her, which she gives to all dignitaries. This isn't "Tacky" at all apparently. The Queen has voiced no real issues with the Obamas.

Oh also the Queen's mother is dead. Has been since 2002 so she didn't even know Obama.

quote:

In addition the Queen Mother supported Prince William in his decision, due to the fact, the word is out about the lavish booze parties at the White House, the expensive vacations and state visits that cost the American tax payers billions of dollars un-necessarily when the American people need the resources. We here at True American can't decide if it is Just low class, no class, big a_S or all that has just been mentioned.

Haha oh christ "lavish booze parties". Also those sure are expensive trips but cut other areas like the military which are hundreds of billions more? That's unamerican and not taking resources from the working man at all. Also you can't swear on the internet.

quote:

The Obama's are desperately trying to make it a slight against America. Every past Head of State has always been invited. This is not a state function and William is not yet a Sovereign. It is just a multi-million dollar private wedding and the Obama's have been royally snubbed by the British Royals; not America, just the present classless leaders. The True American!

Where does True American come in here? white people? Because that's the only conclusion I can come to here.

# ? Jan 18, 2011 15:52

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Debate & Discussion > Got a crazy forwarded political email from your family? Post them here.

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