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poisonpill
Nov 8, 2009

The only way to get huge fast is to insult a passing witch and hope she curses you with Beast-strength.


Jim loses his temper and starts screaming at Dwight when a prank doesn't work. Jim just stomps on the jello mold and kicks it and storms around the office. Dwight says, "Jim, you aren't acting like your usual insouciant self! Here, have a Snickers bar!" Dwight gives a delicious, wonderful Snickers bar to Jim, who takes an appreciative bite, and immediately goes back to his usual self, smirking at the camera.

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Sormus
Jul 24, 2007

PREVENT SPACE-AIDS
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A Fancy Hat posted:

...

Dwight tells Jim to go back to the drawing board for this one, adding that it's been a bit of a "Milk Dud".

Chips the monkey enters the office, drops a bunch of bananas on an office desk and leaves.
First a few snickers and giggles are heard, which quickly turn into a cacophany of uncontrolled laughter.

Dwight, wiping tears from his eyes, says: "You're right, Chips. Work IS bananas"

Jim, in an interview, is so furious that his nose starts to bleed and he passes out.

poisonpill
Nov 8, 2009

The only way to get huge fast is to insult a passing witch and hope she curses you with Beast-strength.


Dwight and Michael make a music video and parody song of Gwen Stefani’s Hollaback Girl, named “This Chips is Bananas”, which goes triple platinum and launches the three into a hugely successful music career.

Jim, known as “the fourth banana” is sometimes interviewed for retrospective documentaries about the world-famous band that he had briefly been a drummer in. He claims sourly that he was the true talent who should have been more successful, and even more doubtfully claims that Chips and Dwight stole the song “Please Prank Me” from him

FunkyAl
Mar 28, 2010

Your vitals soar.
Jim transforms himself into an electron beam and zaps himself into Dwight's television, changing the endings to all of his favorite episodes of Battlestar Galactica

Applewhite
Aug 16, 2014

by vyelkin
Nap Ghost

FunkyAl posted:

Jim transforms himself into an electron beam and zaps himself into Dwight's television, changing the endings to all of his favorite episodes of Battlestar Galactica

Was Lee Adama's hair always so floppy?

poisonpill
Nov 8, 2009

The only way to get huge fast is to insult a passing witch and hope she curses you with Beast-strength.


Jim turns Dwight into a snake, then transforms himself into a mongoose

the bravest snowball
May 23, 2004

Hi I'm Buddy-dot-gif
Jim hides fentanyl in Dwight's collection of hentai DVDs. Dwight opens one later that night then collapses on the floor.

poisonpill
Nov 8, 2009

The only way to get huge fast is to insult a passing witch and hope she curses you with Beast-strength.


Jim plays Call of Duty with everybody on the office LAN as part of a team building exercise. He intentionally trolls his own teammates by running into the wall and picking a sniper rifle in a tight map, and he constantly TKs his own guys in plausibly deniable ways. Jim smirks at the webcam.

Farg
Nov 19, 2013
Dwight enters negotiations with Jim, and generously acquiesces to all of Jim's demands, including a large about of Macca, several Fire Gems, and even a Chakra Pot.


Jim calls Dwight a loser and leaves.

Tokyo Sexwale
Jul 30, 2003

Jim convinces Dwight to head to the abandoned Shinjuku Hospital and then brings about the Conception. When Dwight realizes they are the only two humans left, Jim mugs for a camera that no longer exists.

FunkyAl
Mar 28, 2010

Your vitals soar.
Jim invents a time machine and goes back to the genesis of silent film, stands on a platform right next to a moving train, and mugs to the camera.

John Wick of Dogs
Mar 4, 2017

A real hellraiser


Dwight and his family are in hard times. They pretend to not know each other and each get jobs working at a large mansion as servants and secretly live there together.

Unbeknownst to them Jim is already secretly living further inside their own secret apartment

A Fancy Hat
Nov 18, 2016

Always remember that the former President was dumber than the dumbest person you've ever met by a wide margin

Dwight invents a time machine, intending to use it to solve society's ills.

Jim steals the time machine and uses it to go back and time and watch his own "greatest hits" and mug at himself. The time machine eventually overheats and Jim ditches it near the Tunguska River in 1908, where it explodes.

Back in 2021, Dwight is watching Ghostbusters when Ray mentions the Tunguska event. Dwight feels a chill in the air and turns around to see Jim standing silently in the kitchen. As Dwight stands up, Jim disappears.

poisonpill
Nov 8, 2009

The only way to get huge fast is to insult a passing witch and hope she curses you with Beast-strength.


Chips and Pam have been texting a lot lately, and Pam suddenly has started coming alive again for the first time in years. She smiles, she laughs randomly while furtively checking her phone, and she has been coming home late randomly. Chips, sitting at his desk, keeps turning and deadpan looking at Pam whenever Jim does another one of his wacky antics.

Jim is getting surlier and surlier, and one day aggressively challenges Chips to a basketball game down in the warehouse. It's agreed, and the office heads down for the game. Dwight is assigned to be the referee, and he takes the responsibility very seriously, solemnly calling upon all parties to play a "clean game." Jim tries to bribe Dwight with a pack of gum to throw the game in his favor, and when Dwight refuses, he offers thousands of dollars from his pranking fund, and finally a night with Pam. Dwight is shocked and refuses.

Jim and Chips play a one on one game of basketball, but Jim keeps cheating a'la Space Jam: A New Legacy. He keeps invoking "style points" as he flails around the warehouse, trying to perform "super dunks" and bending physics in his head. To all the onlookers, it just looks like Jim is rolling around on the floor making sounds with his mouth. Chips, meanwhile sink another three to win the game. Jim calls a "time out" and pulls a microphone out of his pocket, then performs a perfect rendition of the Porky Pig rap and drops the mic, and leaves the warehouse and returns to work without another word.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FmW6gyWd0-8

Although pitch perfect, the performance is insanely embarrassing for all involved. Nobody mentions the game ever again.

poisonpill
Nov 8, 2009

The only way to get huge fast is to insult a passing witch and hope she curses you with Beast-strength.


Actually, later that day, Dwight asks Jim about Chips winning the game. Jim walks over to Dwight, squishes him into a basketball (with Dwight's face sticking conveniently out of the side), dribbles it a few times, and then tosses the ball into the trash.

"How'd you like that, Dwight? Three points!"

Dwight doesn't respond because he is dead. Being squished into a ball shattered all of his bones and pulverized all his organs. Another Dwight walks out of the bathroom and returns to his desk. "Did you say 'Dwight'?" he asks.

Chips glances at the camera.

A Fancy Hat
Nov 18, 2016

Always remember that the former President was dumber than the dumbest person you've ever met by a wide margin

Dwight begins getting offers to buy his farm. Suspecting Jim is planning some kind of prank, Dwight refuses at first.

However, the offers eventually become so lucrative that Dwight accepts, realizing how much good he can do with the millions of dollars he'll receive. And he always has Site Beet to work from, his backup beet farm located on an island off the coast of Costa Rica.

Dwight also researches the company that gave him the high offer, Hamburg Land Development, and finds nothing suspicious that would link them to Jim. Feeling content, Dwight inks the deal and collects his money. However, a few weeks later, Jim appears on TV and announces the construction of "Halpert Land", a new theme park located on the former site of Schrute Farms.

Jim then reveals the "best attraction", a ride called "Dwight Is a Moron - the Ride - The 4D Experience", an immersive adventure where riders will get to experience what it's like to prank Dwight. Dwight is portrayed by Martin Short in several live action scenes and by state of the art animatronics in others. Jim announces that this is the most expensive theme park ride ever built, but that it's "really awesome". The general public is confused but intrigued, and the eventual opening of Halpert Land is a moderate success.

Dwight attends and eventually is coaxed onto riding "Dwight is a Moron - the Ride - The 4D Experience" by Michael Scott, who says it's "really cool". Dwight admits, afterwards, that it was a pretty fun ride. As they step into the gift shop, Jim's face mugs at them from a mug.

poisonpill
Nov 8, 2009

The only way to get huge fast is to insult a passing witch and hope she curses you with Beast-strength.


Dwight and Angela are hired to evaluate “Halpert Land" before it opens, as experts in being pranked. But despite Jim’s repeated assurances that he “spared no expense”, the entire park is run by a single overworked and underpaid IT guy. Dwight and Angela watch a cartoon beet named Bert explain how DNA works, which is puzzling to Dwight, who assumes that DNA was common knowledge after the year 2000.

Jim explains that Halpert Land has made great strides in combining ancient DNA found in mosquitoes with present day beets, which Dwight knows to be nonsense, as this would never actually work. Still, he feels a little unease as he is packed into a self-driving Tesla with CeCe and Phillip. They drive through Halpert land but don’t see anything.

“Uh, excuse me,” says Dwight, for once looking directly into the camera, “but at a beet farm, aren’t you supposed to see, uh, beets?”
“I really do hate that man,” says Jim, watching from the control room.

Suddenly, Jim’s creature breaks free of the containment. It’s a Jim/Chips hybrid, made from splicing their DNA together. Chips wonderful, lustrous fur is floppy and unkempt, and Chips’ once-intelligent face is now twisted into a leering smirk. Everyone screams as JimChips lurches into the car, moaning “Looove meeee”

A Fancy Hat
Nov 18, 2016

Always remember that the former President was dumber than the dumbest person you've ever met by a wide margin

It is the year 20XX...

Many of the mundane and dangerous tasks that humans once had to complete are now done by "Robot Masters", super intelligent and powerful humanoid robots designed and built by Dwight.

Dwight's greatest creation, the robotic lab assistant originally named Adama (after a character from Dwight's favorite show) eagerly helps him with farming, volunteer work, and paper sales.

One day, Dwight's Robot Masters begin to malfunction. Jim Halpert, a crazed former coworker of Dwight's, reveals himself to be the cause of this.

"Hahaha, Dwight! I have reprogrammed you robots to do my bidding. Come and face my power, Dwight!"

Adama offers to stop the dangerous robots, and Dwight eventually relents and agrees, transforming Adama into the powerful Beet Man. Now equipped with a powerful "Beet Buster" and the ability to absorb the powers from other Robot Masters that Dwight has created, Beet Man fights for everlasting peace!

Meanwhile, while Dwight is busy upgrading his robot son, Jim sneaks into his lab and smears chocolate all over everything, all but ensuring a nasty ant infestation while arise. Jim mugs for the camera as Beet Man heads off into battle.

Space Kablooey
May 6, 2009


Jim mugs Dwight.

A Fancy Hat
Nov 18, 2016

Always remember that the former President was dumber than the dumbest person you've ever met by a wide margin

Jim hires the entire cast and crew of Broadway's Wicked to perform the show in Scranton- with one alteration.

At the very end of the show, after taking their bows, the entire cast loudly yells "gently caress DWIGHT!"

"What did they say, hon?" asks Angela, completely enraptured in the show and enjoying a night on the town with her husband, Dwight. The audience applause are so loud they drowned out Jim's alteration.

"I don't know, something about Mike? Fun Mike? Must be someone they dedicated this show to."

Dwight and Angela return home for a night of passionate love-making.

Jim gets into an argument with the actor portraying Fiyero (Jim says his acting is "wooden") and ends up getting beat up by the man, who literally tosses Jim into a dumpster to the raucous cheers of the cast.

Sormus
Jul 24, 2007

PREVENT SPACE-AIDS
sanitize your lovebot
between users :roboluv:
During these exceptional times the Dunder Mifflin Corporate requires all its employees to be vaccinated against the Carolla-virus, that makes its patients do bad Adam Carolla impressions.

The vaccine mandate has been mostly accepted with calm resignation, except for Jim who refused to be "Chipped".

After being threatened with being fired Jim caves in and gets the shot. He admits it wasnt that bad and now that he thinks about it, it was just that hes afraid of needles.

Next monday Chip comes to work wearing Jim's clothes. Meredith has to be taken to the vet.

A Fancy Hat
Nov 18, 2016

Always remember that the former President was dumber than the dumbest person you've ever met by a wide margin

Jim fires his shrink ray at Dwight, but nothing happens.

"What's the matter, Jim, performance anxiety?" replies Dwight, who has recently grown more bold in standing up to Jim.

Jim smiles smugly and reveals to the camera that his shrink ray was set up only to shrink Dwight's kidneys.

"That's gonna be a fun hospital visit!" says Jim, gleefully.

poisonpill
Nov 8, 2009

The only way to get huge fast is to insult a passing witch and hope she curses you with Beast-strength.


Dwight and Chips are at the soup kitchen again, ladling out food for the hungry and needy of Scranton. Jim cuts into line and demands a double scoop of beets (Dwight donates his extras when he comes to volunteer), and Dwight, sighing, gives him a full helping. Jim sniffs the food and then disgustedly groans, then throws the food away in the trash. Jim then struts out of the homeless shelter, smirking as if he'd somehow pulled a great prank.

One of the homeless people watching Jim shakes his head pityingly and then looks sadly at the camera.

Applewhite
Aug 16, 2014

by vyelkin
Nap Ghost

A Fancy Hat posted:

Jim hires the entire cast and crew of Broadway's Wicked to perform the show in Scranton- with one alteration.

At the very end of the show, after taking their bows, the entire cast loudly yells "gently caress DWIGHT!"

"What did they say, hon?" asks Angela, completely enraptured in the show and enjoying a night on the town with her husband, Dwight. The audience applause are so loud they drowned out Jim's alteration.

"I don't know, something about Mike? Fun Mike? Must be someone they dedicated this show to."

Dwight and Angela return home for a night of passionate love-making.

Jim gets into an argument with the actor portraying Fiyero (Jim says his acting is "wooden") and ends up getting beat up by the man, who literally tosses Jim into a dumpster to the raucous cheers of the cast.

Right-Wing nutjobs latch onto the slogan and many Trump supporters can be seen about Scranton wearing "Fun Mike" T-Shirts.

A Fancy Hat
Nov 18, 2016

Always remember that the former President was dumber than the dumbest person you've ever met by a wide margin

Applewhite posted:

Right-Wing nutjobs latch onto the slogan and many Trump supporters can be seen about Scranton wearing "Fun Mike" T-Shirts.

"Hey, Dwight, did you see my shirt?"

Jim starts snickering to himself and making exaggerated reaction faces. He starts puffing out his chest, clad in a t-shirt, the words "Fun Mike" emblazoned on it.

"Do you get it, Dwight? It's like I'm swearing but not really swearing. It's like a code! A really clever secret code!"

"Is it, Jim? Because you just explained it to me and I already knew what it meant, anyway. Why not just say 'gently caress Dwight'. I dare you. No... I beg you. Say it."

Jim giggles to himself awkwardly and begins turning red. Dwight lets out a defeated sigh and goes back to work.

"Hey, Oscar, did YOU see my shirt yet? It's kind of a secret meme, you have to be 'in the know' to understand it. But it means something else than what it says!"

In his office, Michael sheds a single tear, realizing that "Fun Mike" was not a nickname for him.

John Wick of Dogs
Mar 4, 2017

A real hellraiser


A Fancy Hat posted:

Jim fires his shrink ray at Dwight, but nothing happens.

"What's the matter, Jim, performance anxiety?" replies Dwight, who has recently grown more bold in standing up to Jim.

Jim smiles smugly and reveals to the camera that his shrink ray was set up only to shrink Dwight's kidneys.

"That's gonna be a fun hospital visit!" says Jim, gleefully.

Oh after the first two sentences I thought the shrink ray has turned Dwight into a shrink(slang for psychologist)

poisonpill
Nov 8, 2009

The only way to get huge fast is to insult a passing witch and hope she curses you with Beast-strength.


John Wick of Dogs posted:

Oh after the first two sentences I thought the shrink ray has turned Dwight into a shrink(slang for psychologist)

It shrank his testes as though Dwight had abused steroids for years

But also made Dwight hyper aggressive

The Awesomesaurus
Feb 15, 2006

I'm too cool to be extinct.

Dwight shows off the manga he’s been working on in his free time, an exaggerated depiction of events that’ve happened in the Dunder-Mifflin office, with himself as the protagonist. Even though no one in the office is really into anime or manga (except for Gabe, but ew), everyone really enjoys seeing their depictions in the manga, with Dwight drawing a tasteful line between parody and homage for each of his coworkers.

Jim suggests submitting the draft to Shonen Jump. Dwight, figuring he might as well for shits and giggles, sends it over to them. However, shockingly, the execs at Shonen Jump take a liking to the series, and want Dwight to create a serialized version for the publication.

“My Office Monogatari” becomes a smash hit, and eventually is adapted into an even more popular anime by Studio BONES, which leads to at least three vaguely canon movies. Dwight gains riches beyond his wildest dreams. However, he is now forced to work the grueling hours of a mangaka. He becomes sick often, and gets mocked online whenever he is forced to take time off due to working himself to near-death. He loses sight of everything that brings him joy in his life.

Jim mugs the camera as he logs onto Crunchyroll for the premiere of Season 6 of “My Office Monogatari.”

The Awesomesaurus fucked around with this message at 08:09 on Nov 20, 2021

Jack-Off Lantern
Mar 2, 2012

Dwight then dies without ever finishing the Story.

Jim-kun frowns at the reader from inside the last half inked page

poisonpill
Nov 8, 2009

The only way to get huge fast is to insult a passing witch and hope she curses you with Beast-strength.


Jim is chosen to referee the Taw Kwon Do match between Dwight and Michael. Before the match, Jim walks up to Dwight and speaks in an old timey voice, "Ok, gents, I want a good, clean fight! I don't want to see any of this-" (Jim pokes Dwight in the eyes) "-none of that-" (Jim knees Dwight in the crotch) "-make sure you don't do this-" (Jim stomps on Dwight's foot) "-and no matter what, I don't ever want you to do one of these!" Jim pulls out a lit stick of dynamite and drops it into Dwight's boxer shorts.

The dynamite explodes, killing everyone in the small dojo. This incident of domestic terrorism baffles authorities, and Jim Halpert becomes a byword for inexplicable homegrown extremism for years.

Big Beef City
Aug 15, 2013

In an interesting series of events, Jim and Dwight are chosen to be civilian representatives on NASA's exhilarating first return to the moon in ages!
They'll be accompanied on this voyage by two experienced crew members, of course, and will undertake extensive training themselves to prepare them for this grueling, but exciting journey of a life time.

Finally, after what seems like forever, and countless small pranks in the process, launch day comes, and the entire Office staff, as well as most of the entire world watch with hopeful anticipation as the rocket lifts off - success!!
They couldn't have asked for a smoother ride, and the time spent traveling to the moon is spent making calls back home and holding brief press conferences assuring everyone that all is well.

Eventually, their craft reaches Luna and begins its descent, and here, they hit their first rough spot, and the landing, while alright, IS a little shaky, and they stir up a bit of a mess.
NASA says to simply stay in place as things settle, and rest up before venturing out. After all, this particular capsule is rather spacious and well equipped, so they can comparatively 'stretch out' as it were.

Dwight, however, is far too excited and is constantly staring out the various portholes trying to get glimpses of the surface as the dust clears.
He's doing just that when it happens.
He catches something moving, and he doesn't think it's dust. It's too fast.
"It can't be anything..." he thinks
He turns and looks again, and he sees it. It's...it's a space suit...
"Oh my god! Jim, LOOK!"
Jim peers out the window and mugs. "I knew it."
"You knew it? You knew WHAT?"

"Well you see Dwight, we're not ACTUALLY the first mission that NASA has sent to the moon recently." At this none of the other crew seem surprised. Dwight, however, is flabbergasted. "You see, about 6 months ago I sold off Schruteland and used all the profits to partner with NASA in private moonshot. A sort of test, if you will."
"But how..who..."
"Why don't you turn around?"
Jim turns and looks back out of the porthole and instantly recoils in horror.
It's Chips.
Or...what's left of him.
His face plate has shattered and his grisly half-skull is shrieking at him in the silence of space, and he is frantically clawing at the capsule. Chips wants IN.
"Jim what in the HELL?!"
"Yes Dwight. You may as well know now. When I began work with NASA they needed a test occupant, and, well, Chips was our man...monkey. I worked with three different teams headed by Drs. Jon C. Collins, David R. McMurrah, and Robert F. Phil. to design a life support system that was much cheaper and more sustainable for him than what we're using for ourselves, since, obviously Chips is a bit more...excitable. What we ended up doing was creating a type of flexible body covering for him, and fitting him with electrodes that we could regulate his life signs with, and keep him calm and sedated while in a climate controlled, close space within his craft.
NASA disguised his launch as a simple satellite launch when in reality, we were celebrating something much larger. Surely you must remember the date...I was out of the office nearly three days. In fact I scheduled it specifically to miss your birthday party..." Jim chuckles here, calmly, as Dwight is near hyperventilating at the undead space monkey pawing at the craft window.
"In any case, upon Chips arrival to the moon these IDIOTS, these MORONS here at NASA - " he gestures to the two crew members, who are now cowering at their controls " - Crashed him into the surface. That's right, Dwight. NASA smashed my bag of Chips. Fortunately, two of the teams I had worked with had the knowledge to revive him! Yes, Teams Phil/Collins were able to 'Shock The Monkey' back to life. And what you see before you is he!"
"Dear god Jim...are...are you telling me you've flown us all the way here...to...to RESCUE this...this THING?! You're a MAD MAN"

Jim pauses, then begins laughing so hard that he doubles over in the near zero-g of the moon's gravity.
"Dwight you MORON. Don't you remember our training at ALL?! This craft doesn't have enough FUEL to return with another passenger on board. In fact, I designed it to only be able to return with THREE of us. No, Dwight. This mission wasn't to RESCUE Chips. It was to give him some COMPANY. Now be a good boy and put your helmet on."

Applewhite
Aug 16, 2014

by vyelkin
Nap Ghost
Jim and Dwight are tethered together by an air hose for a walk across the lunar surface.

Suddely Jim's stomach growls.

"Oof I shouldn't have eaten all those astronaut baked beans!" groans Jim.

Jim starts farting. The farts travel through the air hose into Dwight's suit.

"Ugh! Jim!" Dwight winces.

Jim farts so much Dwight's spacesuit blows up like a balloon.

"How do you like my farts, balloon boy?" smirks Jim.

(Dwight is unconscious).

poisonpill
Nov 8, 2009

The only way to get huge fast is to insult a passing witch and hope she curses you with Beast-strength.


When the Dunder Horizon, a spacecraft that vanished years earlier, suddenly reappears, a team is dispatched to investigate the ship. The team discovers the video logs of the crew being endlessly pranked in horrifying, unspeakable ways. The video logs ends with a man, or what used to be a man, with his eyes gouged out, turn to smirk directly at the camera.

Applewhite
Aug 16, 2014

by vyelkin
Nap Ghost
Jim injects Dwight with a serum that will slowly turn Dwight into an alpaca.

Sormus
Jul 24, 2007

PREVENT SPACE-AIDS
sanitize your lovebot
between users :roboluv:
Jim walked up to a beet juice stand
And he said to Dwight runnin' the stand
"Hey! [(bam bam bam)] Got any grapes?"
Dwight said: "No, we just sell beet juice
But it's cold, and it's fresh, and it's all home-made! Can I get you a glass?"
Jim said, "I'll pass."
Then he mugged away
'Til the very next day

A Fancy Hat
Nov 18, 2016

Always remember that the former President was dumber than the dumbest person you've ever met by a wide margin

The 32nd Annual Scranton Battle of the Bands is just days away, and Dwight finishes preparing his band for the performance of a lifetime. Mose on drums, Trevor Bortman on bass guitar, lead singer Rolf, and Dwight on the electric guitar. Together they are The Screaming Beets.

Trevor expresses concern that they aren't good enough to win, and Dwight delivers a stirring speech explaining that they've already won by virtue of being a 100% original band, writing their own music and doing things on their terms.

"Plus, we have a loving fog machine!" adds Rolf, theatrically, as he plugs it in. The fog rolls across the band and they all feel like rock stars.

The day of the competition comes and Dwight eyes up the competition, then informs The Screaming Beets their biggest challenges will be Scrantonicity 3 (Kevin's newest band) and "whatever weird prank band Jim is going to come up with". However, as the competition rolls on Jim is nowhere to be found and Scrantonicity 3 quickly falls apart after Kevin and the bass player get into a argument mid-song and the band breaks up. Dwight feels terrible for his friend, but the path to victory (and $25,000) for The Screaming Beets seems closer than ever.

Dwight gives everyone a final pep talk and they take the stage, ready to perform "Starbuck is My Co-Pilot".

That's when Dwight sees Jim in the audience, grinning ear to ear. Dwight feels dread grow in his stomach, but pushes it away. He steps on stage, introduces the band, and they start to perform.

It's transcendent. Every person in the audience, sans Jim, is moved to tears and begins clapping and cheering for The Screaming Beets. Rolf, clad in leather pants and nothing else, gyrates for the audience and throws men and women both into fits of lustful cheering. Room keys, underpants, and business cards flood the stage, tossed up by the cheering crowd. Multiple people will later report having religious visions, with dozens of people believing themselves to have seen "the meaning of life" in the performance and dedicating their lives towards philanthropy and peace.

The entire time, Jim just mugs for Dwight. Dwight pushes his wicked visage out of his mind and focuses on the music. The Screaming Beets finally end their song and the crowd erupts into cheers unlike any heard on Earth before. Jim begins a sarcastic clap.

The judges grab their microphones and are about to declare The Screaming Beets the winner when Jim rushes over there, whispers in the head judge's ear, and then rushes back to his place in the front row. The judges confer for a moment.

"I'm sorry, I'm truly sorry. We WERE going to declare The Screaming Beets the winner, but this helpful man in the crowd pointed out something important. There's no fog machine"

The crowd turns hostile in an instant. The booing grows louder and louder and chants of "FOG MACHINE!" and "gently caress THE BEETS!" begin to echo. All the while, Jim just keeps smiling. The crowd starts to push towards the stage and Jim joins them, climbing upstage and pulling a pocketknife out of his pants. He flicks it open and slowly steps towards Dwight, licking his lips. The Screaming Beets flee, all the while Rolf is screaming "I can't believe I forgot the loving fog machine, Jesus loving Christ I'm so loving stupid!" The Screaming Beets finally pile into Rolf's van and zoom away, unsure of their next steps. Parts of the angry mob continue to pursue them while others wander off as if in a daze.

"Well, guys, are you ready for a REAL band!" says Jim. He quickly changes his his outfit and jumps on stage with a bucket hat, tank top, and baggy jeans.

"My name is Kiiiiiiiiiiid Jim! Bawitdaba, da bang, da dang diggy diggy, diggy, said the boogie, said up jump the boogie!"

The small crowd that gathered to watch Jim quickly disperses and heads home. Jim is left alone on stage and struggles to think of a word to rhyme with "things", eventually settling on using the word "things" again.

Applewhite
Aug 16, 2014

by vyelkin
Nap Ghost
Jim shows up to work in a suit jacket and tie but no shirt or undershirt. When Dwight points this out, Jim tries to play it off as a prank but the camera zooms in on Pam shaking her head from side to side.

"Jim forgot to put on a shirt this morning, and when I tried to point this out to him, he told me angrily that I wasn't his mother and he 'knew how to get dressed,'" says Pam in confessional. She purses her lips and nods.

Serge Painsbourg
Jul 26, 2016

Jim invites Dwight over to his house to watch Cowboy Bebop.

Dwight's disappointment is palpable as Jim selects the live action version on Netflix.

Jim mugs the camera.

Applewhite
Aug 16, 2014

by vyelkin
Nap Ghost

Serge Painsbourg posted:

Jim invites Dwight over to his house to watch Cowboy Bebop.

Dwight's disappointment is palpable as Jim selects the live action version on Netflix.

Jim mugs the camera.

Jim pranks Dwight by making misleading posts on the internet about the quality of the live action Cowboy Bebop when it actually holds up really well to the source material.

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poisonpill
Nov 8, 2009

The only way to get huge fast is to insult a passing witch and hope she curses you with Beast-strength.


Bags Fly at Noon posted:

Jim invites Dwight to Thanksgiving and prepares a truly wondrous spread. The scent of perfect cooked and seasoned turkey fills Dwight’s nostrils and his stomach growls audibly.

“Please, Dwight, help yourself,” Jim says, gesturing towards the turkey. “We’re so glad you could make it!”

Hungrily, Dwight goes to pick up his fork to bring some food to his plate, but something is wrong. His fork is stuck to the table! Frantic, he tries another, and another. With horror, Dwight realizes Jim has krazy glued all of the flatware to the beautifully set table, rendering the meal unattainable.

Jim mugs for the camera.

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