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Not calling you a child, just explaining what I think needs to exist for you to be ready to relocate. Instead of trying to find the job first, maybe that should come last, or nearly last. Think about the points I outlined in my previous post. Perhaps you don't agree with the items I've outlined, but you will need things in your personal life in order to be ready to move. What items do you think would be important to have in line? I would contend moving without a large emergency fund would be job #1. I do think that you will also need to consider your pet situation. Moving with 4-5 animals to a city where you are not buying a house could prove to be very difficult / expensive. Is your goal to move to another city or to have KGwife staying at home with the child? You're now mentioning that is important as well. Why not work toward that goal while you are in Reno at your current job?
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May 27, 2015 00:08
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Do yourself a huge favor. Anywhere you consider moving to in San Diego go onto maps.google.com and type in the location of your work and location of where you want to live. Then change the depart at time to whenever you think you'll leave in the morning. I think you'll be surprised about how bad it can be on any given day. Also you know the place you're looking at is classy when they have this disclaimer: quote:Restrictions: Also you linked a 2 bedroom 1 bath and then also said: Knyteguy posted:It was also far from the only justification we made to move, which included being closer to family, washer-and-dryers outside the apartment (with a newborn baby pooping everywhere), 4 animals and 3 people in 700 sq/ft, a safety light outside that would light up our bedroom at night despite blinds, neighbors climbing a tree outside our balcony and looking in, a burst pipe under a concrete slab, rotten rancid apples everywhere on the ground walkways for months that would stick to our shoes, no good places to take our dogs for a walk, noise, and more. Do you think either of those places have a washer/dryer in unit? The 2 bedroom 1 bath is probably a 700 sq/ft. And it's $1550 a month (more than you pay for rent now!). I mean I get it. You're excited and San Diego is probably a cool place to live, but honestly it feels like you're back to old habits of "Only think of the good things! Ignore all the bad! Justify the decision!"
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May 27, 2015 00:16
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Knyteguy posted:As an aside my review for my current job is about here. I may be seeing a raise (however small) very shortly. Hopefully it's better than last year's raise (3%); my boss has commented a few times on my increased professionalism since my last review. After all of the random interviews those lovely recruiters have sent you on, your boss almost certainly knows thats something is up. Have you thought about what you would say to him if he asks?
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May 27, 2015 01:06
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n8r posted:Not calling you a child, just explaining what I think needs to exist for you to be ready to relocate. I want my wife to be able to develop a career she actually wants to do, and if she can stay home and watch the baby in the meantime then that's huge for me. Her getting a new career with a normal schedule is one of, if not the top priority for us right. As I said in an earlier post we don't really get to spend that much time together at all. 4 days off a month together, and until this week two of those days off were segmented so it would stop us from taking an overnight trip. Like seriously the situation makes me angry (not at her, just at the situation). I can't say how many times I've told her to just quit, but of course the budget doesn't allow it. Something needs to change in our lives. It's become a necessity. We've been dealing with this for 6 years now. We have 4 animals now. We could potentially rehome our Australian Shepherd very easily (I just turned down a $400 offer), and if it was the right place she'd be happier for it. One cat we could probably rehome as a barn cat and he'd be happier for it. The remaining two - no way. I'll go over the rest when I get home I've gotta walk so I need to get going. Bugamol posted:Do yourself a huge favor. Anywhere you consider moving to in San Diego go onto maps.google.com and type in the location of your work and location of where you want to live. Then change the depart at time to whenever you think you'll leave in the morning. I think you'll be surprised about how bad it can be on any given day. Holy crap that's amazing. I had no idea Google Maps allowed you to set a departure time to see how the commute changes. I'm trying to look at the whole picture man. I am excited at the prospect, but this decision is like amazingly big. I won't reject or accept hastily.
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May 27, 2015 01:07
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Perhaps instead of jobs, you should be looking at places. Where would you like to live, in terms of lifestyle, career opportunities, climate, cost-of-living and proximity to friends/family?
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May 27, 2015 02:34
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ufsteph posted:After all of the random interviews those lovely recruiters have sent you on, your boss almost certainly knows thats something is up. Have you thought about what you would say to him if he asks? Well most have been phone interviews. I don't think he knows what's up, or if he does he doesn't seem to care. He's basically even encouraged me to look around (and yes I know this means he knows I'm underpaid). n8r posted:Not calling you a child, just explaining what I think needs to exist for you to be ready to relocate. Stuff we should have in line to move I think our emergency fund of nearly 10k would cover most stuff. If I straight up got fired from this job I wouldn't qualify for unemployment, but I'm not sure what I would do to get fired. If I got laid off then unemployment could float us until my wife and I pick up new jobs. I've already looked there's a bunch of other DAX places in San Diego, and there's a decent list of software development places listed on Craigslist and StackOverflow Careers. Much more than Reno. Pets you're probably right. If we could go to 2 dogs and 1 cat that would be ideal We've found places like that here so I don't see why we couldn't do it somewhere else. Lease break fee... I mean a relo bonus would cover this. It's possible we could sublet or lend a hand to rent the place out to mitigate damages also. My family is close enough to help keep an eye on the place in the case of subletters, and it wouldn't be that difficult because we got this place at a really good deal. We pay like 80% less rent than similar places in the area. Job w/ QoL increase - of course. Newborn - I think now would be the best time to do it considering we have a kid. We can move around and we don't have to worry about him having to move schools all the time and stuff. Job stability - I'd guess you're right when you say that it's more probable that a new job would lead to unemployment than a job I've held for 2 years. So this is more theorycrafting here, but this is something my friend who is also a software developer did. He would commute back to Reno every weekend from Irvine. Similar situation w/ a new baby and wife and stuff. What if I did something similar (HUGE what if this again theorycrafting like someone mentioned)? Would it be possible to pick up a studio apartment next to the job, but keep my place of residence as Nevada to avoid CA income tax? Another what if: I could always see if they'd let me work remotely 3 weeks out of the month, and then sleep at a budget motel while I was there. Figure $300/mo for that. The motivation thing comes up, but maybe if I made my office into an actual office that would help. My home office is super ghetto right now. I'm just trying to explore all possibilities.
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May 27, 2015 02:44
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BarbarianElephant posted:Perhaps instead of jobs, you should be looking at places. First tier (no order) Berkeley, Seattle, San Diego, Santa Barbara. Second tier: Austin (this may be a first tier too, but I've never been there). Third tier: NYC, Boston. Crazy tier: Phuket. Third tier I may just want to visit instead of live. I want to live somewhere with some neat culture or rad beaches. I think I'll die in Reno since it will always be home, but I want to spread my wings a little between now and then. e: and this shouldn't be too much of a surprise to anyone here... I've mentioned relocating a few times in the thread since the beginning. Knyteguy fucked around with this message at 02:53 on May 27, 2015 |
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May 27, 2015 02:50
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Actually the relocation thing came as a bit of a surprise, for a few reasons: You seem to be pretty tight with your family - to the point where you broke a lease to help out your Mother (details were muddy here). You decided to have a kid - most people that have a kid move TO family not away from it. This entire relocation thing seemed to spring out of the fact that you found a recruiter and he/she started tossing you lots of job prospects. I think this was mistake #1. A lot of what you say in your posts really sound like wanting to make more money at least as much as relocating. I think you have lots of options to make more money without relocation. These have been covered in other posts, but you should reconsider trying to find a job in area/remote that pays more AND building more valuable skills. I would also strongly disagree that moving when you have a newborn is easy. Once you have a kid that is potty trained and can feed themselves they become a lot less work. Look at daycare costs for kids in diapers/newborns vs. older kids - lots of places charge quite a bit more. Moving when you're a kid isn't a bad thing, meeting new friends and experiencing new places can be great for children.
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May 27, 2015 03:28
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n8r posted:Actually the relocation thing came as a bit of a surprise, for a few reasons: Hm OK I can see that then. I have a whole bunch of goals and priorities and it's difficult and frustrating even for me. I want to make a lot of money somehow, I want my wife to stay home from work to pursue her new career, I want to have experience new things and places... A lot of this ties into why I want to achieve FI. My wife staying home to pursue her career and watch the baby is by far priority #1. It will allow us to spend more time together which is badly needed, and it will allow us to make more money after that. I can't stress enough how much we both need this. Like here's an example I think of that helps me justify moving away. My mom is awful with money as people with mental health issues tend to be. She'll never be able to retire on her own she just doesn't have the will. If we have money saved we could potentially have her and my step dad come live with us, like if we had detached in-law quarters. If all of this could be done from Reno then I would do it, but I'm concerned that we can't make the money for priority #1 here. I think that's why I want so badly for this San Diego job to work out. Among other things too. Plus like I've already got it. Bird in hand and all that. But if this job doesn't work out then I'm planning for a road trip to the Grand Canyon or something by this fall. The last vacation out of town I took for longer than a day was... I can't even remember. Probably 5 years ago at the very least. Thank you for the perspective.
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May 27, 2015 04:30
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Knyteguy posted:If all of this could be done from Reno then I would do it, but I'm concerned that we can't make the money for priority #1 here. I think that's why I want so badly for this San Diego job to work out. Among other things too. Plus like I've already got it. Bird in hand and all that. If only you were in a field where it was possible to work in one location where the job is in another. LOOK FOR REMOTE WORK. If you end up not accepting this SD position (which I'm in the camp that I think it's not the best idea), tell your recruiter you're only interested in remote work over $90k.
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May 27, 2015 13:18
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dreesemonkey posted:If only you were in a field where it was possible to work in one location where the job is in another. LOOK FOR REMOTE WORK. If you end up not accepting this SD position (which I'm in the camp that I think it's not the best idea), tell your recruiter you're only interested in remote work over $90k. I still think it's iffy whether I could get that here. I think I'd be looking more at the $75,000-$85,000 range. I mean it's worth a try, but I don't want to job hunt for another year while my wife works retail. For some hard numbers: $105,000 in San Diego would be the equivalent of about $78,000 here. That's the equivalent of a $16,000/yr raise for me (25% actual spending power), and puts our household nearly at parity with what we make now, but my wife gets to stay home to pursue her career. Source: http://www.bankrate.com/calculators/savings/moving-cost-of-living-calculator.aspx Maybe I'll budget using BankRate's calculator since it shows prices of specific items. Knyteguy fucked around with this message at 16:32 on May 27, 2015 |
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May 27, 2015 16:28
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A $16k raise wouldn't be enough for me to move away from family support with a newborn and loads of debt, but that's just me.
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May 27, 2015 16:41
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KG, I would require 150k income as a bare minimum to move to SD. I too have 3 dogs and a cat, and my GF is from La Jolla. We've looked into moving there and decided unless we're in the 150-180k range, it would be a step down from our current situation. I'd decline the job offer because it's not going to be enough money, and then reset the recruiters expectation. Or find a recruiter who specializes in remote work perhaps?
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May 27, 2015 16:43
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Nocheez posted:A $16k raise wouldn't be enough for me to move away from family support with a newborn and loads of debt, but that's just me. I can respect that. What if that $16,000 was 25% and your spouse could stay home with the baby and quit their job though? I'm just exploring input here. e^ you live in Portland though Sig Portland is actually a really neat town. But thanks for the input it'll be considered. Again decision wise I'm leaning no, I just want to see if it can work, and I still may so no if it does. Knyteguy fucked around with this message at 16:47 on May 27, 2015 |
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May 27, 2015 16:45
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Hey and so you all know that like, I'm actually taking some advice here - if this San Diego job doesn't work out I'll start looking exclusively at remote opportunities that I can segue into one of the big 4 tech firms afterwards.
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May 27, 2015 16:54
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Knyteguy posted:I can respect that. What if that $16,000 was 25% and your spouse could stay home with the baby and quit their job though? What if you could work remotely for a higher relative increase in pay and get the same benefits?
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May 27, 2015 17:05
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interrodactyl posted:What if you could work remotely for a higher relative increase in pay and get the same benefits? Initial searches don't look all that promising. I'm not discounting it, but it could take some time. And working remotely does have its downsides, like losing a lot of social contact at work. It would also mean my wife and I lose some independence from each other, since she'll be at home working as well. Plus the inevitable distractions present with a newborn (who just started teething   )I need to look at the negatives of this job, but you guys have to look at the negatives of the alternatives as well right? Also which scenario would allow us to achieve a higher amount of savings? I love my family a lot guys, but how come you guys are pushing harder for proximity than I am? Are all of you born and raised in the same city? What is the biggest reason you guys (individually) don't think I should do this? The money? Stability? n8r I think you're stability. Also does anyone think I should do this, or that it could be a good idea? I think it sounds like a cool adventure that could better our financial situation, personally, so that's why I'm trying to approach this in different ways to see if it can work. Knyteguy fucked around with this message at 17:40 on May 27, 2015 |
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May 27, 2015 17:34
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Knyteguy posted:I love my family a lot guys, but how come you guys are pushing harder for proximity than I am? Are all of you born and raised in the same city? Because you talk of nothing else but hanging out with your family and friends. You moved to be closer to your mother. You depend on your sister-in-law for childcare. It suggests that family are a higher than average priority for you. I moved several times for my career and personal satisfaction, leaving family and friends behind every time. But I'm not all that big on family. What works for one person won't work for another, and you are giving the impression of being a guy who maintains strong long-term relationships above all else, and would spend a *lot* of money on visiting them several times a year if you moved away. Or even getting horribly homesick and moving home as soon as a family crisis occurs. "Know thyself"
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May 27, 2015 17:40
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Knyteguy posted:Initial searches don't look all that promising. I'm not discounting it, but it could take some time. And working remotely does have its downsides, like losing a lot of social contact at work. It would also mean my wife and I lose some independence from each other, since she'll be at home working as well. Plus the inevitable distractions present with a newborn (who just started teething I'm just gonna be blunt and say that this post sounds like you are desperate for someone to justify you making this move, when you yourself looked at the budget and financials of it and figured out it wouldn't be that great. Have you taken that test budget that didn't look so great and factored in a car for your wife, possible childcare, AND the cost of her starting a continuing education program of some kind? I get that this is really exciting, but don't get caught up in all the ways you think it will be fun and ignore that you're not gaining much from it and make a decision you will later regret. edit: you also keep saying you'll wait for the offer, and if it comes in higher that's great, but I would just assume it will be whatever you told the recruiter was your minimum... which it's looking like you should have done a little more work before making that decision, right?
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May 27, 2015 17:44
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RheaConfused posted:I'm just gonna be blunt and say that this post sounds like you are desperate for someone to justify you making this move, when you yourself looked at the budget and financials of it and figured out it wouldn't be that great. Have you taken that test budget that didn't look so great and factored in a car for your wife, possible childcare, AND the cost of her starting a continuing education program of some kind? Sure I'm not afraid to admit that some outside justification would be cool. Like I said I want this to work. As you said it's exciting, and there may or may not be something I'm missing. I told both the recruiter and the guy I interviewed with I wanted $105,000 base plus incentives. I was really excited when I did the initial phone interview with this guy, since he told me I could make "much, much more" than $120,000 if I wanted to. $120,000 included incentives though, so initially when I was talking with the interviewer about salary, that's what I was shooting for. I'll redo the test budget to have a realistic comfortable living space, and use that BankRate calculator to do the budget. Also regarding a car I noticed that there's a trolley, so that would be worth looking into. And we would need to budget for trips back home too which is something I missed initially. Knyteguy fucked around with this message at 18:01 on May 27, 2015 |
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May 27, 2015 17:54
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BarbarianElephant posted:Because you talk of nothing else but hanging out with your family and friends. You moved to be closer to your mother. You depend on your sister-in-law for childcare. It suggests that family are a higher than average priority for you. I moved several times for my career and personal satisfaction, leaving family and friends behind every time. But I'm not all that big on family. What works for one person won't work for another, and you are giving the impression of being a guy who maintains strong long-term relationships above all else, and would spend a *lot* of money on visiting them several times a year if you moved away. Or even getting horribly homesick and moving home as soon as a family crisis occurs. "Know thyself" Well you have a point. Alright I'll give this some thought.
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May 27, 2015 17:58
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Knyteguy posted:
I think that this is a lot more important that waiting to see what everyone here thinks. You don't want to get this huge raise and then basically be living paycheck to paycheck. I personally think that the fact that your wife could stay home would be worth a whole lot, but I also don't think that that would be something that could last for very long if you want to make progress on your debts. Also, moving is expensive as hell. For all I know you are still paying off breaking your last lease, and you want to break this lease. And then you move and you want to buy new stuff. You just do, there's no way around it. You'll want new stuff and new clothes and to do fun things in your new city. Plus yeah, visiting your family. What I'm saying is, it seems like you are dangerously close to going in to the negatives to take this job. And that's not worth it, especially if you think you'll only be there for a year. Also, once you move away from your mom, how often do you think an emergency will come up that you'll have to drop everything and travel home for? Because I have a mother with addiction and mental stability issues and it happens at least once a year, if not more. Luckily I'm only a three hour drive away, but still. These things will happen.
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May 27, 2015 18:01
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Knyteguy posted:Pros Knyteguy posted:It would also mean my wife and I lose some independence from each other, since she'll be at home working as well. Plus the inevitable distractions present with a newborn (who just started teething So you don't see your wife or baby enough, but working remotely you'd see them too much? Man, I just don't get you sometimes.
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May 27, 2015 18:03
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You've talked all the time about how important your family is to you. Not just moving to be closer to your mom, but in general wanting to be able to have them in your lives. I assume you want the same thing for your sonZanthia posted:- Remember that your son will learn from your example. Workaholic? He'll be too busy for you when he grows up. Moving a lot? He won't have a solid network of childhood friends, and he won't learn the importance of extended family (but he'll probably be annoyed by having to take long trips to see them when he wants to spend time with his friends instead). These are all things my family did, too, but you should be aware of the consequences. I chopped a lot out of Zanthia'a post, but what I've left (and bolded) is super accurate in my personal case. I grew up across the country from my extended family (farther than SD->Reno, but not as far as some of the other cities you mention as being high on your list), and saw relatives maybe once every two years or so. I never looked forward to visiting my grandparents because it involved multiple flights, and who were these people to me anyway? They weren't in my life in any significant way. Only as an adult do I realize that I kind of missed out on having that big extended family atmosphere/support group that a lot of people seem to enjoy. But I was perfectly happy as a child and don't really care as an adult - it's not that I hate my extended family, but I didn't grow up with them in my life so they aren't an important part of it and it's a little late to change that. Your son is just a tiny baby right now, and he probably won't grow up to be as heartless as I am if you move him away from the rest of your family, but possible future effects on him are probably important to you. My mom will talk at length about how she regrets moving away with me when I was a baby because she was left without a family safety net. I now live across the country from her (and the rest of the family) and she has promised/threatened to move to wherever I am when I have kids - with the implication of not wanting these future grandkids to end up like me (i.e. not giving two shits about grandma).
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May 27, 2015 18:06
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Knyteguy posted:~Example Budget~ Look again at that link. Those are weekly prices. Also, $200 is on the lower end. You are underestimating by $600 - $800. Stop looking for ways to justify the fact that you want to live next to the pretty ocean. You said it yourself - the budget is super tight, and that is with using the wrong amount for childcare. I think the smartest thing to do is develop your skillset over the next 6-9 months and have your wife put together a real, actionable plan of what she will do to get out of her retail job. Wait until your lease is almost up, and then look for a job wherever it is you want to be.
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May 27, 2015 18:08
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RheaConfused posted:I think that this is a lot more important that waiting to see what everyone here thinks. You don't want to get this huge raise and then basically be living paycheck to paycheck. I personally think that the fact that your wife could stay home would be worth a whole lot, but I also don't think that that would be something that could last for very long if you want to make progress on your debts. Also, moving is expensive as hell. For all I know you are still paying off breaking your last lease, and you want to break this lease. And then you move and you want to buy new stuff. You just do, there's no way around it. You'll want new stuff and new clothes and to do fun things in your new city. Plus yeah, visiting your family. See and no my financial goals will not be pushed aside for some adventure. I understand that this is a want and not a need. Sorry to hear about your mom; it's a tough situation. ObsidianBeast posted:So you don't see your wife or baby enough, but working remotely you'd see them too much? Man, I just don't get you sometimes. Well yes I want to spend time with my wife, but every waking moment would be a little unhealthy I think. e^^ just saw your guys' posts. e2^^ yes I meant $200/wk not month. $800/mo is what I was thinking. Knyteguy fucked around with this message at 18:12 on May 27, 2015 |
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May 27, 2015 18:09
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What steps have you taken to find remote jobs? What steps has your wife taken to find another line of work aside from wanting to become a paralegal? Has she started applying for jobs locally? What steps have you taken in the last 6 months to increase your value to future employers? Do you believe you are at a point financially where you have enough money if things go sideways if you relocate? I find it very hard to believe that you currently have the one single programming related job in Reno. There are opportunities locally that you are not exploring. What are you doing to find jobs locally? Where I live the best jobs are still in the newpaper classified ads, I wouldn't be surprised if Reno is similar. I really don't understand why for the last I dunno 5 pages of this thread people have been saying think about the family support and think about work/life balance and think about cost of living - yet just now you are starting to think about it. You could also run the numbers again on just having your wife quit her job and stay home with the baby. I think you could consider declaring bankruptcy to get out from under your debt and probably have a decent quality of living since you would have no debt obligations. I would contend that the ideal time to relocate would be right when your kid is ready to enter school. It would significantly reduce your child care expenses, and kids are pretty self sufficient at age 6. You could be much further along in your career and really have a good chance of landing a very high paying job if you continue to work on your skills and try to either gain better employment locally or work remotely.
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May 27, 2015 18:18
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Knyteguy posted:I love my family a lot guys, but how come you guys are pushing harder for proximity than I am? Because you made proximity to your family a very big deal less than a year ago, going as far to break a lease to be closer to your mother, who "needed your help." But that was probably you just grabbing at any excuse to move that you could, much like you're doing now with San Diego.
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May 27, 2015 18:26
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It's probably not worth it for Knyteguy to pursue full time remote work. He doesn't have the resume, experience or connections for any reasonable employer to give him a shot at working remote. He could maybe pursue contract work he could perform remotely though.
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May 27, 2015 18:27
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Knyteguy posted:I told both the recruiter and the guy I interviewed with I wanted $105,000 base plus incentives. I was really excited when I did the initial phone interview with this guy, since he told me I could make "much, much more" than $120,000 if I wanted to. $120,000 included incentives though, so initially when I was talking with the interviewer about salary, that's what I was shooting for. You could also be the King of France, but you'll most likely end up earning way less than what the person with a vested interest tells you you could make. They COULD promote you. But they probably won't.
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May 27, 2015 18:34
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Inverse Icarus posted:Because you made proximity to your family a very big deal less than a year ago, going as far to break a lease to be closer to your mother, who "needed your help." And it was still the right choice. I thought my mom did need my help and I've already explained that I tried a million things. I had setup a routine with her where every single day we would take a long walk for exercise to try to work her through some stuff and just feel better (not being in shape is making me sad), I tried taking her to a psychologist, I tried helping her cut some costs (money is making me sad), I tried helping her find new work (work is making me sad), sending her ideas for a business she could try to start (after mentioning that she'd like to do it); I tried a million things. The fact is I was unable to help. If she was willing to actually work through her poo poo I wouldn't be willing to move, but the fact is she isn't. Not right now at least. Like jeez lay off on that huh? I can't debate any longer, but I'll get to everyone's posts in a bit. As always I do appreciate the input.
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May 27, 2015 18:38
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And just a note, I feel like your wife is feeling frantic about working retail and how much it sucks. And I've been there, so I get it. That being said, I made some interesting life choices to get myself out of the situation that I was in that certainly was not the smartest things I've done in my years and involved around 10k in student loans in a program I didn't end up using at all. You guys are at least keeping your heads above water at this point. I would start making a 5 yr plan to relocate to a place you really want to live. Your wife should take steps to find an office job that will help her find a non retail job in this new location. It might be an initial paycut for her based on what you've said, but am entry level office job has more upward mobility than retail. You should look for local opportunities and use the next few years to do what you need to do to prep your resume to get an ideal job at this new location. 5 years from now your son will require less day to day maintenence and will be getting ready to enter school. Just because you aren't moving next month didn't mean you will be chained to your hometown forever. Make a long term plan if moving to an area that is nicer to live in is something you want in your life. Take a deep breath and don't let the anxiety of being stuck in this situation make you take a bad deal just for now (you are going to move somewhere for a year, what?) and wait for something that is a better fit for your whole family.
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May 27, 2015 18:40
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Knyteguy posted:Initial searches don't look all that promising. I'm not discounting it, but it could take some time. And working remotely does have its downsides, like losing a lot of social contact at work. It would also mean my wife and I lose some independence from each other, since she'll be at home working as well. Plus the inevitable distractions present with a newborn (who just started teething It doesn't matter what other people think about why you should do this unless you give us an honest take on your priorities. That's why your pros/cons list is useless. It gives the illusion that each of those things is equally important and weighable against the other, when they're clearly not. "NFL and MLB teams!" is obviously not as important to you as "Moving further from family in Reno and Sacramento." Figure out what your priorities are, stack rank them so you definitely know what #1, #2, and #3 are, and then make your decision based on what puts you on the best path for those priorities. You keep shifting the importance of your priorities and no one can give you good advice unless you're honest about that. If you want financial independence, fine. If you want to spend more time with your family, fine. But you can't do everything at once and you need to pick and choose what's important to you and work consistently toward those big goals. The little decisions day to day should be made with those in mind. How you budget should be made with those in mind. This is why people are saying you're being impulsive. All you've said so far about the negatives of the SD job is that "you're thinking about it", but no one knows how you're thinking about it. All we can see is the outputs of your decision, and the fact that this move makes no loving sense when you consider what you've said to be important in the past. How do your financial decisions help with your priorities? Are those decisions the best way to work toward those priorities?
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May 27, 2015 18:51
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Knyteguy posted:And it was still the right choice. I thought my mom did need my help and I've already explained that I tried a million things. I had setup a routine with her where every single day we would take a long walk for exercise to try to work her through some stuff and just feel better (not being in shape is making me sad), I tried taking her to a psychologist, I tried helping her cut some costs (money is making me sad), I tried helping her find new work (work is making me sad), sending her ideas for a business she could try to start (after mentioning that she'd like to do it); I tried a million things. The fact is I was unable to help. If she was willing to actually work through her poo poo I wouldn't be willing to move, but the fact is she isn't. Not right now at least. Like jeez lay off on that huh? I'm not crapping on your for doing what you did. If anything, it's noble to support your family when they need it. I'm just explaining why the thread's hive mind is "pushing harder for proximity" than you are.
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May 27, 2015 18:59
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Inverse Icarus posted:I'm not crapping on your for doing what you did. If anything, it's noble to support your family when they need it. I'm just explaining why the thread's hive mind is "pushing harder for proximity" than you are. Well I meant grabbing at any excuse. The choice to move from that apartment was a good one, and there was an array of reasons all of which were important. Moving to help my mother was a genuine reason, as were the others. It makes me sad that I was unable to help. interrodactyl posted:It doesn't matter what other people think about why you should do this unless you give us an honest take on your priorities. That's why your pros/cons list is useless. It gives the illusion that each of those things is equally important and weighable against the other, when they're clearly not. "NFL and MLB teams!" is obviously not as important to you as "Moving further from family in Reno and Sacramento." Figure out what your priorities are, stack rank them so you definitely know what #1, #2, and #3 are, and then make your decision based on what puts you on the best path for those priorities. You keep shifting the importance of your priorities and no one can give you good advice unless you're honest about that. I don't know about the priorities. I was kinda trying to say that earlier. I'm totally lost here, too. My wife and I are going to Sacramento this weekend (we cancelled two weeks ago for weather reasons; going over Donner Pass in the snow is a bitch.), so we'll be talking with her parents about all of this as well. They want to help us analyze the decision too, so maybe some familial input would help us rank priorities. From my family there's an "oh god please don't" from my sister, a "well a big earthquake is probably coming there" from my grandma, an "I don't know whether to be sad or happy about this" from my mom, and a "spread your wings" from my uncle. gently caress me this is harder than I was thinking. Let me get you guys some ranked priorities and that'll help me as well. n8r I'll get to your post you seem to be focusing on how to approach this with pragmatism, which is a good idea. I'd just hate for this job to really be like "hey you could genuinely make $150,000 and totally move up" and then miss out on the opportunity.
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May 27, 2015 20:07
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I'll be the voice of dissent and say that I don't think you should definitely not take the job and it's not definitely the wrong choice. BUT It looks like a lateral move, not a raise. You'll get a commute and be working a lot. You'll probably have to rehome some of the animals. You will have to pay more for a smaller apartment. I think it is a very strong pro that your wife would not have to work. I think you might be able to save a little more, if you had the discipline for it (not sure if you do). BUT It's not a raise, it's a lateral move with more potential for your career in the future. FI is not happening for you and frankly I'm still a little surprised you see it as anything more than a pipe dream. I think your idea of this potential offer is way too optimistic and I fear you are going to move and suffer a huge morale hit when it's not all it's cut out to be AND I think you are being way too trusting of this recruiter. AND I think it's too early to break a year-long lease (relocation bonuses are taxed as income btw). I think the only reason I disagree with everyone else is that I think it's not the worst to go through this kind of stress for a lateral move if it'll make you happier, but that depends on it actually making you happier, and everyone's made a lot of good points about this not necessarily being the case.
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May 27, 2015 20:22
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Knyteguy posted:
That's why everyone has been telling you to consider the effect any potential move will have on your family dynamic. Not that you should stay in a stagnant ecomomy in order to not offend anyone, but can you live with it if they are pissed about the move? Its not going to be possible financially to go home at every holiday and birthday. At some point you're probably going to want to spend your vacation days on an actual weeklong vacation instead of schlepping off to Reno for 3 days a few times a year. How might you feel if you're always the one that had to travel and they never come to see you? Ask anyone who lives more than a five hour drive from their family, those are some of the most common issues that come up. Can you deal with that?
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May 27, 2015 21:05
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We 'only' live a three hour drive from any of our families and it sucks. But, it is what it is. We have great jobs in a very low cost of living area. We like the area, we have friends here, it is safe, we like our house, our daycare, and have some connections to the community. But if you offered me the same jobs and income adjusted for COL in the area where my parents or my MIL are? Yeah, absolutely I'd move in a heartbeat. It is hard being so far from literally a single family member. Edit: I wouldn't take a job in an area that basically was a lateral move that is just as far away or for all intents and purposes just as far away (4 hour drive with a baby is just as bad as a six hour drive with a baby). It would have to be a hell of a raise and promotion. Things I would move for: a giant raise and promotion/career advancement A lateral move that brought me within 30 minutes of family A move to a socialist paradise Things I would not move for: Lateral move to a place no closer to family sheri fucked around with this message at 21:53 on May 27, 2015 |
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May 27, 2015 21:50
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I've been just skimming the job bs waiting for a budget, so I may have missed it but why don't you show current employer your offer from San Diego, adjust it to Reno salary, and ask for that before moving? You said that's what your boss told you to do. Seems like best of both worlds. Disclaimer- I know nothing about dev jobs
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May 27, 2015 22:08
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Knyteguy's Finances: gently caress me this is harder than I was thinking.
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May 27, 2015 22:22
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