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JohnnyRnR
May 16, 2004
Beer Ninja

Zombie Zero posted:

- That said, palladium is nearly identical to platinum with regards to its jewelry qualities. It has the same heft, durability, and naturally white color that platinum has at a fraction of the price.

- Whiteflash.com is the largest online jewelry retailer

I don't know where you get your data but it isn't correct. Palladium is an entirely different beast from Platinum, and they are not the same color. Platinum has a long history in the jewelry business and it's fairly simple to work. Palladium requires special tools to work and most jewelers just don't want to make the investment.

Odd that you would mention Whiteflash. They are far from the largest vendor of fine/diamond jewelry online. Nothing against them, but it isn't a title that they deserve.

MoCookies posted:

Platinum rings

Sorry, I think I misunderstood. It's really difficult to advise you on what to look for in a finished piece of platinum, or where to buy it. If anything, look for clean lines. You want the form to be very clean, and very well polished. Platinum has a middle ground between "dull" and "high polished" that many jewelers consider good enough. When you really get the proper polish on a piece of platinum it has both a beautiful shine and a deep luster.

The American market prefers traditional wedding bands so you'll find many vendors carry the same pieces at similar price points.

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Zombie Zero
Apr 15, 2011

booooooobsss... err, braaaainnnnsssss!!!

MoCookies posted:

My husband's original ring was tungsten, which was a cool color and nice and hefty, but the sizing is now an issue.

I suggest you inquire with the jeweler or retailer that you originally purchased the ring from. Many retailers are very sensitive to the resizing issue (since it can be seen as a major downfall) and will often have policies about either trading the ring in for another size or providing a discount on a new size.

In terms of evaluating platinum rings, platinum tends to be platinum to a large degree unless the ring uses unusual construction techniques such as a hollow band or platinum plating to keep cost down (would be disclosed). The metal that the platinum is alloyed with is a contributing factor since it lends specific attributes to the ring. Instead of getting into the details of it here (this could be a very long post) I would direct you to price scope, which has a comprehensive overview: http://www.pricescope.com/journal/overview_common_alloys_used_jewelry

I could be wrong, but I believe what JohnnyRnR was saying with "average consumer goods" is that the quality of ring that you will get from an online retailer will be, well, average. These designs are mass produced so you wont necessarily get the artisan quality you would get with a highly educated and experienced bench jeweler creating a custom piece. But you wont be paying for that artisan experience either. Most online retailers have good return policies when your not purchasing a custom piece, so if you dont like the ring or the quality it should not be a huge issue to send it back for a refund. I cant stress enough that you should double check those policies before actually buying anything just to be on the safe side.

@JohnnyRnR: First a correction, Whiteflash is not the largest online retailer, Bluenile is, so yes that was my error. I would have to disagree with you about palladium being nearly identical to platinum with respect to the consumer except for heft in which palladium is lighter than platinum, more comparable to 14k. For most people, the color is too close to be of issue (palladium being very slightly more gray). The price spike in platinum and new palladium casting technology/alloys have made the process of creating palladium jewelry much easier and profitable than is was in the past. Sure your Mom n Pop jeweler may not have the capability to cast it but most large/reputable designers/manufactures can and do. And for those mom n pops that cant, you can actually download step by steps off of the PA trade site. Yes, palladium has come A LONG way in a very short time, especially when you look at how long it took to develop the platinum market. Where am I getting my information from? I personally know, and have had several conversations on this exact topic with the Director of Technical Information for Platinum Guild International.

Platinum ER, Palladium WB

Zombie Zero fucked around with this message at 04:24 on Apr 17, 2011

Paramemetic
Sep 29, 2003

Area 51. You heard of it, right?





Fallen Rib

PopRocks posted:

The officiant should have a whole binder full of ceremonies to choose from, s/he should be able to work with you in finding something totally secular.

On that note it might get you more results to google "secular wedding ceremony/vows" instead of "atheist wedding __" but that's probably occurred to you.

It's pretty easy to substitute "in front of your friends and family" or "loved ones" in place of god and "the church" and perhaps a vow to "all that you value" instead of a vow to god. Play around with what you feel comfortable with, but the point is you can use most ceremonial traditions as a base with a few substitutions.

If you need to fill it out or make it longer, a poem you both love in place of a biblical reading might be an option. Also research and incorporate customs from your ethnic heritage because they're cool and they help your parents feel better about not having a religious ceremony.

Thank you!

I've found a potential officiant, I'm just looking to see if he's available for our date. If he is, he seems very amenable and I will be able to work something out with him I'm sure.

justFaye
Mar 27, 2009
We just got engaged! (Photos from my fiance's Flickr follow):

The designer is Varna; it's hand-engraved platinum with 18k gold accents, 1.25 ct moissanite round brilliant center stone.







Edit: More photos here!

justFaye fucked around with this message at 08:28 on Apr 17, 2011

Kitten Kisses
Apr 2, 2007

Dancing with myself.
gorgeous ring, congratulations!

JohnnyRnR
May 16, 2004
Beer Ninja

Zombie Zero posted:

For most people, the color is too close to be of issue (palladium being very slightly more gray).

Where am I getting my information from? I personally know, and have had several conversations on this exact topic with the Director of Technical Information for Platinum Guild International.


Both rings in that photograph are rhodium plated. Neither metal will hold a polish of that brilliance without rhodium. They look the same because they're plated with the same metal.

Palladium requires a separate set of tools, and without the proper equipment palladium can't be done well.

We in the trade are very dismissive of the information to come from the Platinum Guild and Gold Org. They're solely working to promote their products.

justFaye posted:

BAM!

That is lovely. The engraved accents are very well done.

justFaye
Mar 27, 2009

Kitten Kisses posted:

gorgeous ring, congratulations!

Thank you!

We don't have a date set, and we haven't even picked which part of the state we want to have the wedding in... How difficult is it to plan a wedding that is 400 miles from where you live? I'd rather not be driving up there all the time, but I'm afraid of doing things remotely too.

Closet Nerd
Feb 21, 2011

justFaye posted:

Thank you!

We don't have a date set, and we haven't even picked which part of the state we want to have the wedding in... How difficult is it to plan a wedding that is 400 miles from where you live? I'd rather not be driving up there all the time, but I'm afraid of doing things remotely too.

First off Congrats and the ring is beautiful!

As for planning a wedding from a distance my fiance and I are planning an Orlando wedding (where I am originally from) from DC. It can be challenging but a wedding planner helps. You just have to make a trip down there and take care of a few things at a time. Is there a reason you want a wedding 400 miles away?

Hed
Mar 31, 2004

Fun Shoe
Well I got back from my honeymoon which was awesome and also the ceremony was amazing. I thought the vendors were blowing sunshine up our rear end about how well everything went but the catering planner told my wife she was the 'most organized bride she's ever dealt with' and I kind of have to believe that. I'm lucky to be married to a great event planner.

Also I wanted to say Johnny is the man and if you're having any questions about dealing with him he has produced some beautiful jewelry for my wife and I.

Paramemetic posted:

Well, my fiancee and I finally set a date. To me, now, the big issue is a ceremony of some sort. I asked in here before about ceremonies for atheists, but I don't recall what was brought up and also hope for some fresh ideas, as I seem to recall not being too keen on previous suggestions.

Our families are Catholic, so there must be some form of ceremony, however, the ceremony will be outside, so we already get a walk on the Catholic wedding bit. We plan to write our own vows. We were given a list of possibilities by our venue for officiants, two of whom were ministers and two of whom were simply "officiants," so we're going to call the latter two and see what we can work out.

I'm currently Googling around for ideas, but I'd like your input too.

Basically I don't want Jesus being a third wheel in my marriage.

We were in a similar boat in that we are not particularly religious and so I did not feel comfortable answering questions about 'raising children under god' honestly because I don't know the answer; our officiant was actually a priest in the Catholic church, but left at some time. Like others have said your officiant should be able to offer some different things for you. For example, there were several blessings to choose from after the marriage from the Irish blessing to the traditional, and he also had an Apache wedding blessing that felt right in that it was a marriage of equals and we were comforting each other. Neat stuff. Also he or she will have slightly different versions of verses that may be less godly. My devout catholic family didn't seem to mind :)

justFaye
Mar 27, 2009

Closet Nerd posted:

Is there a reason you want a wedding 400 miles away?

We are both from northern CA, so the bulk of our families and friends live there (and the weather is more agreeable) than where we live now (400 miles away). It would be easier for many of the guests to have the wedding in Norcal, and the weather gives us larger windows for an outdoor wedding. But at the same time it would be harder for us to plan (and the average prices for wedding services in that area are higher than in this area).

Zombie Zero
Apr 15, 2011

booooooobsss... err, braaaainnnnsssss!!!

JohnnyRnR posted:

Both rings in that photograph are rhodium plated. Neither metal will hold a polish of that brilliance without rhodium. They look the same because they're plated with the same metal.

The question was regarding color, not finish. But if you want to get into finish then yes, platinum will not permanantly hold the mirror polish that a rhodium plated ring will (duh), but after a recent polishing it will appear as in the picture (also duh).

I would question where your getting your information if you honestly believe there is any logical reason to rhodium plate a platinum ring, that plating a platinum ring is common, or that the rings pictured are both rhodium plated. The entire reason you rhodium plate a white gold ring is because white gold blends do not have the "whiteness" that consumers desire, so you have to plate the ring to make it appealing.

Im sure this is going to come off like im being a dick, but the fact of the matter is that your simply giving people inaccurate information.

But lets not take my word for it, lets go to an impartial source like pricescope:
http://www.pricescope.com/wiki/engagement-rings/precious-metals-used-engagement-jewelry

"White gold engagement rings are typically rhodium plated. White gold in its natural state is not actually white in color. It has a tinge of yellow, which is why it is plated. Rhodium plating is not permanent, so re-plating is necessary."

"Platinum engagement rings are popular, because platinum is a very durable white metal that is more dense than gold. It is wise to make prongs out of platinum for strength and security. Platinum generally holds its color without the need for plating. "

Or maybe Ring Envy:
http://www.ringenvy.com/engagement-rings/advantages-platinum-vs.-white-gold

"When white gold rings are made, they are usually coated with another metal, rhodium, to give it its silvery shine. Without rhodium, white gold rings have an off-white color that is slightly yellow in color without the shine of a yellow gold."

"Platinum is also stronger than gold and because it naturally gives off a silvery shine, it is unnecessary to plate it with rhodium and will keep its brilliance forever."

Or... I dont know, Blue Nile?
http://www.bluenile.com/platinum-jewelry/platinum-education?track=head
http://www.bluenile.com/gold-jewelry/gold-education?track=head

"A silvery white character is what makes white gold jewelry so appealing. In order to make the gold white, it is combined with metal alloys that are white in nature and plated with an extremely hard element called rhodium. Although strong, rhodium may wear away over time. Replating is a simple process that can be done to restore whiteness to your jewelry."

"While it is the strongest of jewelry metals, [Platinum] can scratch and develop a patina of wear. Many people prefer this look, unique to platinum. But if you like the shine, a jeweler can polish your jewelry to bring back the original reflective finish. In the mean time, buffing with a soft cloth can give your jewelry renewed luster.

"The majority of our platinum jewelry is 95 percent pure platinum combined with 5 percent iridium, palladium, ruthenium or other alloys. For guaranteed quality in platinum, look for the marks 950 Plat or Plat."

JohnnyRnR
May 16, 2004
Beer Ninja

Zombie Zero posted:

I would question where your getting your information if you honestly believe there is any logical reason to rhodium plate a platinum ring, that plating a platinum ring is common, or that the rings pictured are both rhodium plated.

Im sure this is going to come off like im being a dick, but the fact of the matter is that your simply giving people inaccurate information.


My information comes from seeing pieces daily. Rhodium plating is very common for platinum because the minor scrapes and bumps from daily wear will dull the finish. With a rhodium plate on top of the platinum that finish is preserved over time with less maintenance. Most customers do not like the eventual dull look of pure platinum. As the metal wears it can look greyish, cloudy, or even dirty.

Rhodium plating adds a big labor modifier to the production costs so many companies will say it isn't necessary for a ring. I disagree, and I disagree because I see how platinum wears on the hand over time.

Working in an advertising office hasn't made you an expert in this subject. I'm sure your clients believe it, but it simply isn't true.

Eggplant Wizard
Jul 8, 2005


i loev catte

JohnnyRnR posted:

My information comes from seeing pieces daily.

By which he means, he's a high end professional jeweler. :ssh: I'm pretty sure he's more knowledgeable than you, Zombie. Not least in ability to use apostrophes appropriately.

Seriously though, Johnny, what the hell is with your splash page picture? Ew.

JohnnyRnR
May 16, 2004
Beer Ninja
Haha, that was the cover of our Christmas catalog! We're already working on the next one.

Emasculatrix
Nov 30, 2004


Tell Me You Love Me.
I dunno, Zombie's post was very persuasive, what with all the bolding and underlining and internet quotes.

edit: forgot the italicizing

AFK SWARM OF BEES
Jun 24, 2008

You are swearing now that someday you'll destroy me. Remember: far better women than you have sworn the same. Go and look for them now.
My boyfriend popped the question today!



The ring is a 1.0 ct garnet, Irish claddagh, set in white gold with ten small diamonds in the band. I picked it out a few weeks ago from Gemvara. He surprised me with the proposal -- I didn't know he'd bought it yet. :)

Now comes the epic clusterfuck of How-Do-We-Have-A-Wedding-When-Our-Families-Are-All-So-Buttfuck-Insane?! Luckily my both my sides of the family have dwindled in size, but my mom's side of the family haven't lost their hatred of my father's side and any mingling of the two would result in chaos. I've even given the "Shut up and behave FOR AT LEAST ONE DAY" talk and it had no effect. I'm sure we'll work something out (and it'll definitely be the most stressless option) but drat this is going to be epic. :argh:

Sitrus
Feb 17, 2009

AFK SWARM OF BEES posted:


Now comes the epic clusterfuck of How-Do-We-Have-A-Wedding-When-Our-Families-Are-All-So-Buttfuck-Insane?! Luckily my both my sides of the family have dwindled in size, but my mom's side of the family haven't lost their hatred of my father's side and any mingling of the two would result in chaos. I've even given the "Shut up and behave FOR AT LEAST ONE DAY" talk and it had no effect. I'm sure we'll work something out (and it'll definitely be the most stressless option) but drat this is going to be epic. :argh:

Having a somewhat similar issue (not just his vs. her side, Masonity's parents can be in the same room without strangling eachother :P We have his uncle who is the black sheep of the family. I have yet to meet the guy after living with Masonity for five years) we have some people who are invited to the ceremony + meal and some that are just invited to the evening reception. That way we get to see everyone with a minimum amount (hopefully) of stress.

Boy are my family (I'm norwegian) in for a culture shock. Masonity's family is well, the complete opposite (of Irish decent). Should make it interesting :p

GrAviTy84
Nov 25, 2004

:mmmhmm: I think it's just part of the landscape of getting married. Everyone's families have quirks or differences that you just have to figure out how to navigate. For instance, my fiancée's family are Jehovah's Witnesses and mine are nondenominational Christian. Fortunately, my parents are awesome (no bias, really) and are very accepting, but her parents have been a struggle.

Ambellina
Dec 6, 2005

Those who ride against us will be murdered where they stand
My wedding date is nearing (September 30th), and my fiance and I are looking into premarital counseling. We both think that it would be interesting to do, his family wants us to do it, and our state discounts the marriage license cost by $70, so what can it hurt?

I have tried checking on google for good questionnaires for us to go through together, and everything I am finding is very Christian or Catholic based. Religion isn't really a huge part of our relationship, and we would rather do something secular.

Do any of you lovely goons have recommendations on any sort of questionnaires or tests for us to use?

Lord Hawking
Aug 8, 2002

SHUT UP!
SHUT UP!
SHUT UP!!!
My wife is a marriage and family therapist and we did Prepare-Enrich. There can be a slight religious tilt to it (cohabitating is identified as a potential "trouble" area, as are differences of religious upbringing between your families), but the majority of the measure deals with much more mundane issues and it's possible to get it evaluated and discuss it with a secular counselor. On their website should be a search function to find all people in your area who are trained to administer and interpret the test, and you can filter the results by religious/secular/life coach/etc.

We found it very instructional, and we had a great secular counselor who talked us through the results and it really helped us as we got prepared. In fact, we still refer to it now and then.

MoCookies
Apr 22, 2005

Ambellina posted:

My wedding date is nearing (September 30th), and my fiance and I are looking into premarital counseling. We both think that it would be interesting to do, his family wants us to do it, and our state discounts the marriage license cost by $70, so what can it hurt?

I have tried checking on google for good questionnaires for us to go through together, and everything I am finding is very Christian or Catholic based. Religion isn't really a huge part of our relationship, and we would rather do something secular.

Do any of you lovely goons have recommendations on any sort of questionnaires or tests for us to use?

My husband and I did a premarital workshop (Twogether in Texas) because it made our license cheaper, and it seemed like a pretty good idea. I was a little annoyed that the only ones I could find seemed to be affiliated with churches, but in practice, the workshop we attended ended up being completely secular. It also ended up being a great idea for us, even though I didn't think we really needed counselling. The communication skills have turned out to be especially useful. I'd also say that the book "The 5 Love Languages" really helped me to understand my husband (and other family members) much, much better.

close to toast
Dec 12, 2006



My boyfriend proposed yesterday! The ring is platinum with three diamonds- one from his grandmother's engagement ring, one from his mother's (her original ring was upgraded for 25th wedding anniversary), and one is new. I absolutely love it! Too bad I won't be able to wear it for a few more days because apparently I have freakishly small fingers and need to have it resized to about 4.5

Caramaline
Aug 4, 2006

Takin' a dirt nap with baby Jesus
Oh god, we've started planning our guest list. My fiance just called his parents and they both have enormous lists of random cousins that we need to invite. When I told my dad I wanted 150 max and he made a face and asked why we would want that many people there. I wonder what he'll say when I tell him we're almost at 200. Vegas is looking better and better.

Hawkeye
Jun 2, 2003
We have my fiancee's wedding band figured out, but we are still working on mine.

Right now, I like the following one: http://www.e-weddingbands.com/store/product63072.html

But, I would much rather have the colors reversed, like this one: http://www.zales.com/product/index.jsp?productId=4309117&kpc=1 (I also don't want to shop at Zales given the choice)

I can't seem to find anything that is (white) (Black) (white) in color, with the metal being preferably white gold, something black (inlay?), white gold.

Has anyone ran into something like that? Is it possible to even do? Is that something I should be asking JohnnyRNR to make?

aidakeren
Feb 24, 2011

I need a man that can keep up with me intellectually and creatively.

Hawkeye posted:

We have my fiancee's wedding band figured out, but we are still working on mine.

Maybe you'd like something here: http://www.boonerings.com/.

I think we might pick one from this site for my SO.

Hawkeye
Jun 2, 2003

aidakeren posted:

Maybe you'd like something here: http://www.boonerings.com/.

I think we might pick one from this site for my SO.

Thanks for the site.

I am definitely liking http://www.boonerings.com/carbon-fiber/cfwsilverstripes.htm one, I'll have to see if they could do it with a white gold instead of silver.

Closet Nerd
Feb 21, 2011
yesturday was my fiance's and mine one year of being engaged. So tonight we went back to the same restaurant we got engaged at. We like to go there a few times a year as it has the best Italian in the DC area and pretty much anywhere else I have had it so far, save Italy.

As a surprise I gave him his wedding bad. He had already picked it out and I wasn't a huge fan of it at first. I thought it was too blingy for a man. But he loved it. So I thought how awesome the place and date we were engaged he gets his wedding band. He loved it and hasn't taken it off yet haha. It is 14 kt yellow gold band with 1 carat in diamonds in a channel setting. He likes the bling apparently.

LorneReams
Jun 27, 2003
I'm bizarre

JohnnyRnR posted:

Any photographer will happily give up the RAW files if you're paying for them. You just have to buy the exclusive rights to the images.

Mine gave me two DVDs, one with the RAWs and one with watermarked pics. We are to use the RAWs for personal use and the watermarked pictures to give out and post online. It's under the honor system, but she says she has not had any issue with this as people tend to be honest in general.

BoyBlunder
Sep 17, 2008
Just bought an engagement ring off Blue Nile. So loving nervous.

It's a .76ct, IF diamond. I've got it placed on a 4-prong 14k setting as a "placeholder setting". My girlfriend wants some custom work done on a setting/band so I'm going that route after.

I hope it looks pretty when it comes in :ohdear:

GrAviTy84
Nov 25, 2004

BoyBlunder posted:

Just bought an engagement ring off Blue Nile. So loving nervous.

It's a .76ct, IF diamond. I've got it placed on a 4-prong 14k setting as a "placeholder setting". My girlfriend wants some custom work done on a setting/band so I'm going that route after.

I hope it looks pretty when it comes in :ohdear:

Relax, enjoy the feeling, I was buzzing off of the adrenaline of proposing for a full week. There's nothing like it. The anxiety of feeling the corners and edges of ring box in your coat pocket pressing against your ribs, constantly reminding you that you are about to ask someone to spend the rest of their life with you. Checking your words leading up to it to make sure you don't spoil the moment, but practicing it silently in your head the whole time just to flub it and get tongue twisted over your words as you propose making all your planning worthless :P. Don't worry so much, just enjoy it :D

Anya
Nov 3, 2004
"If you have information worth hearing, then I am grateful for it. If you're gonna crack jokes, then I'm gonna pull out your ribcage and wear it as a hat."
After almost six months of engagement, we finally picked a date last night! May 12, 2012...which means I need to stop using school as an excuse and we need to get on the ball. It finally seems real now, with an actual date picked out:)

Ceridwen
Dec 11, 2004
Of course... If the Jell-O gets moldy, the whole thing should be set aflame.

Anya posted:

After almost six months of engagement, we finally picked a date last night! May 12, 2012...which means I need to stop using school as an excuse and we need to get on the ball. It finally seems real now, with an actual date picked out:)

Sending out the save the dates made it really hit home for me. Congrats on picking a date!

My wedding got moved from May 2012 to October 01, 2011 because of conflicts with field work for school and a need to tell my sister (my MOH) what the date was going to be ASAP. So far it's generally been a lot of fun doing the planning, and less stressful than I was expecting to suddenly cut out planning time in half. We've got the ceremony and reception venues, DJ, officiant, wedding party, flowers, and photographer all planned out. One of our best friends just agreed to be our officiant (which I'm really excited about). I sent out our save the dates last week, just before the price of mailing postcards went up, and everyone I've checked with has gotten theirs.

Everything was going too well apparently, because today I got a phone call from my mother freaking out about how I have not been including her enough in my wedding planning and how I keep shooting down her ideas. She has only presented me with three ideas so far! And I only shot down one of them because of preferences, the others just happened to not work out. She's convinced that my father is making my wedding decisions for me (he's paying for the wedding, but the only thing he's asked for is that I invite 3 of his friends that we've known since my childhood). She's convinced that he's going to "use this as an opportunity to belittle her", specifically in front of both of their families. She told me repeatedly that she's been dreading having me get married because of these things. Some of this might make more sense if my dad had ever used a family gathering to belittle my mother (he hasn't) or if she hadn't completely refused to help out with the wedding related stuff that I've asked for her help on.

I'm really hoping she is going to behave herself when we get to the wedding. Phone calls like this one make me worried.

Nione
Jun 3, 2006

Welcome to Trophy Island
Rub my tummy

Ceridwen posted:

I'm really hoping she is going to behave herself when we get to the wedding. Phone calls like this one make me worried.

I had the same concern about my mother, but it ended up working out for one reason... at the wedding I was FAR too busy trying to talk to everyone, spending time with my family and friends, and just enjoying myself that I didn't pay a bit of attention to what she was doing.

She wasn't behaving, and she was an absolute terror both before and after (she didn't even show up on time to help me get ready), but I did what you should do... just forget about her for the night. It's not about her, your dad, or anything else, it's about you and your husband enjoying the first day of your marriage.

Of course, I got married in September and haven't talked to her since, but my memories of my wedding are happy and free of mother-drama.

Tell her that if she wants to be involved, it's up to her, but that you're not going to take any abuse from her about not "including her enough." The only people who should be included are people who are being useful and helping you with the planning, not people who want to make it about themselves and berate you for decisions they have nothing to do with. (Don't I sound like a bitter old married woman already?)

ChloroformSeduction
Sep 3, 2006

THERE'S NO CURE FOR BEING A CUNT, SO PLEASE KEEP REMINDING ME TO SHUT THE FUCK UP
So far we've got the following:

1. Venue
2. MC picked out
3. Caterer
4. Decorator
5. Invite list and invitations


We still have to figure out bartender/alcohol situation (though we've had a recommendation), DJ vs band (checking our prices and such), and favours. Is there anything major I'm missing here? This is just for the reception back home, which should be fun. Right now I'm debating getting a photographer (since this is the off-season, some have reduced rates, and it'll be much less intensive than a full-on wedding shoot), and possibly a day-of planner, because I want to be a guest at my reception, not running around dealing with the inevitable crap that comes up. Has anyone ever done the day-of planners at all? What was your take on them?

PopRocks
Jul 4, 2003

WTF am I reading?
A wedding coordinator might be the way to go, but I'd start by talking to the catering manager and the manager of the venue. Neither of them want you to have to worry about anything on your wedding day either. It depends on how nice/ fancy/ expensive/ full service the caterer or venue are, but they want the bride and groom to be worry free guests most of all. If you went more DIY casual venue no-frills food delivery, that might not be an option for you.

The DJ or band leader can also serve as an MC and make announcements about when the buffet is open, or when it's time for guests to take their seats, etc. If your entertainment can't manage that, you can make your maid of honor or best man the master of ceremonies.

Another option is a good bossy friend who didn't make the cut as groomsman or bridesmaid but wants to be involved with the wedding. The title of wedding coordinator is a good way to honor someone who wanted to be in the wedding party. A non-family member (who doesn't need to be in the photos after the ceremony) who can duck out of the ceremony and get to the venue early to make sure everything on your list is taken care of.

A separate day of coordinator you actually pay might be the bet option, but explore the above options so you don't hire someone who's going to interfere with the venue coordinator or catering manager or make your friends feel left out.

Seyelence
Dec 17, 2007
There are no stupid questions, just stupid people.
She said yes :D


TShields
Mar 30, 2007

We can rule them like gods! ...Angry gods.
So, I'm getting married in September, and I have a slight.. guest list issue. See, there's this "friend" of mine that my fiance hates- and I use "friend" loosely, because he's more of what the kids these days are calling a "frienemy"- and she doesn't want him at the wedding. The main issue is, her maid-of-honor is his ex-wife, and he's been attempting to sabotage her post-marriage life for years, and my fiance keeps having to hear about it. So she hates him. And I don't blame her. Becasue he's an rear end in a top hat. Here's the problem- if we flat-out don't invite him, I'm going to get flak about it from my little circle of friends. If I do invite him, he might cause a scene. Even if he doesn't, there's going to be tension. If my fiance emails him and tells him that she doesn't want him at our wedding, then that will still cause drama.. I see the guy on a weekly basis, and he irks me for different reasons all together. He's one of those "has to have the last word/whatever I'm saying is the most interesting thing in the world, but whatever you're saying is boring as all gently caress" kinda guys, and I'm not the first friend he's scared off because of it. He just picks his targets for some loving reason, and I'm one of them. And I can't not invite that whole circle.. Argh, who knew the most irritating part of the wedding would be the loving guest list? Everything else has been smooth as silk so far. Anybody have any ideas?

PopRocks
Jul 4, 2003

WTF am I reading?
It doesn't like you or your fiancée like this guy, and it also seems like everybody knows it. How exactly will this group of friends give you a hard time?

Friend: "I can't believe you didn't invite Joey!"
You: "Why can't you believe that? He's a dick to me, he's a dick to my wife, he's a dick to Maid-of-Honour, who we love. Why would we invite him?"
Friend: "oh right. Cool party bro!"

Normally I'm the first person to argue for a more inclusive guest list, but that's for questionable family members or significant others, not assholes that happen to hang out with your friends.

A lot of friend groups fracture after a divorce, you and your wife have clearly picked MOH's side, maybe that's why he's been more intolerable towards you lately, but why would anyone be surprised that you're choosing not to invite him?

Maybe the next time you're out with any of these friends without this guy, pull them aside and say just what you said above, about how he treats you and his ex-wife made him lose his friendship privileges and they should understand. If not maybe they ought to lose their friendship privileges also.

Seriously, whatever flack this group of friends gives you should open the door for telling them honestly about why you don't like this guy and why he shouldn't be at your wedding.

obviously I fucked it
Oct 6, 2009
Easy decision, though an uncomfortable one. His ex-wife is the maid of honor and he's always trying to screw with her life--he does not get invited. Any of your circle of friends doesn't get it (and I don't see how, unless they're utter jerks), well, that's their problem. Just say what you said here--he's always trying to gently caress with her, and she's in the wedding as MOH. Her participation without being pestered is more important than some obnoxious dick of an ex's feelings --and really, won't his only problem be that you deprived him of a chance to mess with her as opposed to Boo Hoo!, he can't come wish you well at your wedding? Yeah, sounds like it. You'll all be better off.

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Lixer
Dec 3, 2005

What does Depeche Mode mean? I like kinky sex with a scoop of ice cream
If neither of y'all want him at the wedding, or even like him, why even think of inviting him? Just because other people will give you crap about it? It's not their wedding.

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