BBM Super-League XXIX: The World Ends With Yu Darvish

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«‹›1996 »

PASS THE MASH: Oct 30, 2013

mrnoun posted:

THE MADDNESSEST TRADE

Landers send:

Everyone on their feeders named Bob!

Supernovas send:

Everyone on their feeders named Bob!

That is:

1979 Bobby Sprowl
1984 Bob Knepper

for

1899 Bobby Wallace
1941 Bob Kennedy

Confirmed!

# ? Nov 16, 2016 06:04

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? Jun 9, 2024 17:15

Smasher Dynamo: Oct 16, 2008; ~~Eternal~~ Commissioner of the Super League. A new avatar. A new age, of the same old embittered Smasher that failed to escape the bonds of the SL, FM3, Johnny Hopp and Eri Yoshida "The Knuckle Princess". "The flames of Smasher's ire scorch the skies... Igniting St. Bellhorn's funeral pyre."

Super-League XX, Dynamo League Championship Series: Sindhi Sheikhs vs. RCMP

: I'm not going to lie to you, Yoshida, there is nothing I want on this Earth than to do this series.

: So, is that why we're doing it this way?

: Hey, this is the second attempt! You should see the first attempt! And this one isn't my fault! I actually looked it up, and the first time that I did the Sheikhs against the RCMP in the DLCS, and that series had the exact same loving outcome as this one, the result was terrible! It involved pretending that DannoMack was plucky, and had heart. Canadians don't have hearts, Yoshida, they have a series of pumps in their chests that distributes ichor through their organs.

: Wow, really?

: It's true. Their body temperature is actually only 76 degrees too, which they try and cover up by using the metric system to distract people from the truth. You'll hear a lot of about converting to metric, but it's a smokescreen, Yoshida.

: But DannoMack seemed like a real person. Not a great person, or even a good person, but he seemed real.

: Yoshida, do I have to show you the ketchup chips again? I don't want to have to traumatize you again like that, but DannoMack sent me a bag, and that wasn't a gift, that was a threat.

: So, how does that even work, though? How can you put ketchup on a chip?

: Ketchup is just a mildly tomato-like sauce, and it's not like it would take a huge feat of food engineering to find a powder that tasted similar and then put that powder on the chip. Anyway, let's get this started.

Introducing first, they are the reigning Tag Team Champions, and the reigning and defending Super-League and Omni-Title Champions. What more needs to be said about them, the Sindhi Sheikhs!

And their opponents, they are from a magical land known as Canada where anything, besides Stanley Cups, can happen! The RCMP!

Game 1: Sindhi Sheikhs @ RCMP (Series Tied 0-0)

: Sheikhs up 3-1 in the bottom of the eighth, and everything looks under control. Dennis Eckersley on the mound, and he was a pretty good reliever, Yoshida.

: Wasn't his most iconic moment giving up that home run to Kirk Gibson?

: Yes, but, in fairness, he was on a lot of ill-fated playoff teams. Let's see, he was on the 1984 Cubs team that crapped out, on the A's Dynasty that won the series one year and lost every other year. Like, I mean, they lost to the 1990 Reds in the World Series!

: That can't be blamed on Eck, it was a sweep!

: The loss in the series? Maybe not, but it being a sweep? Eck did blow Game 2. Anyway, Speaker in to lead off the inning, and he hits a home run! It's 3-2 Sheikhs.

: That's not good.

: Riggs up, and he doubles! Ruth is next, and it's a weak grounder to the pitcher, but Eck throws it away! Riggs runs home to tie the game, Ruth to second!

: I'm starting to think this game might not have a happy ending.

: Boggs singles, and the RCMP have a 4-3 lead! Lou Gehrig doubles, and there are runners at second and third with no outs. And Sewell hits a hot shot to first, but it's a line out, and the runners will have to hold. That brings up Banks, and the Sheikhs are going to intentionally walk him.

: That's an interesting strategy. It loads the bases and sets up a double play anywhere, but, on the other hand, as it brings up the pitcher's spot, it lets DannoMack bring in a pinch-hitter, in this case, Larry Walker.

: Walker hits a hard grounder to second, but the only play is going to be at first base, another run scores. Hamilton comes to the plate, and he hits a single past Joe Morgan, another run scores, it's 6-3, and Tris Speaker comes up for the second time this inning, but he'll strike out.

: So, the Sheikhs will need a comeback in the ninth, and that's going to be a problem. A lot of their best hitters are left-handed power hitters, and DannoMack has another Billy Wagner set to pitch this inning. Of course, the Sheikhs will start the inning with the bottom part of their order.

: Earle Combs up first, and he'll fly out. Johnny Bench to the plate, a lot of discussion about him in the thread recently.

: People have taken the position that he should have better plate discipline in the Super-League. Of course, the reality is that, even by the standard of his era, he didn't draw a ton of walks, he only was in the top ten of walks drawn in the National League twice in his career, and, outside of a few years in the middle of his career, he was only good for sixty walks a year or less. A lot of his value is tied up in hitting for power.

: And he'll strike out on three straight pitches to bring the Sheikhs to the brink of destruction. The pitcher's spot is due up, the Sheikhs will need to bring in a pinch-hitter. They have, on the bench, Rafael Palmeiro, a left-hander, and Mike Schmidt, a right-hander, and the pitcher on the mound is Billy Wagner, a left-hander.

: I think you have to go with Schmidt here. Palmeiro would be helpless against Wagner.

: Palmeiro will be the pinch-hitter. And he strikes out on four pitches to end the game.

: Not a good game for the Sheikhs.

: I think that the Sheikhs simply can't afford to lose a lead late, because they are just not going to be able to come back against Wagner with the lineup they have. Too many left-handers willing to swing and miss, it's a problem.

: Yeah, I know, I mean, we've been here before. Last time, it ended in a sweep.

Game 2: Sindhi Sheikhs @ RCMP (RCMP Leads 1-0)

: It's the eleventh inning, the Sheikhs blew another late lead, and it's 4-4 headed into the bottom of the eleventh.

: The Sheikhs are definitely not a team that has really relied on their bullpen to do much of anything, and that's why they're putting Joe Sambito in a high-leverage spot like this one, it seems.

: Tris Speaker starts things off with a single, and that brings up Babe Ruth, who will take a full count before drawing the walk. That brings up Riggs.

: This has the potential to go very, very badly. Riggs isn't going to strike out, Tris Speaker is a very fast runner, and Riggs probably isn't going to hit it in the air either, so Sambito is going to have to be very careful, especially with no outs.

: Riggs singles, Speaker around third, Tim Raines doesn't have a great arm, Speaker slides, easily safe, and the RCMP win another one late, and they have a 2-0 lead.

: They say the series hasn't really started until someone wins a road game, but, for the Sheikhs, even if they hold serve on the road, they'll lose if they can't get it done in Toronto.

: At this point, what do you do if you're the Sheikhs?

: There's not a lot to be done. Their bullpen is what it is, and, other than that, the Sheikhs are outplaying the RCMP for the majority of these games, it's just that, when it gets to the later innings, things have fallen apart.

Game 3: RCMP @ Sindhi Sheikhs (RCMP Leads 2-0)

: Eighth inning, and, for the third time in three games, the Sheikhs have a lead headed into this inning. The first two times, they blew it, but they'll hope a 2-1 lead can get them through.

: Hopefully, Eck won't blow it again.

: Easy pop up from Hamilton, easy pop up from Ledesma, and Eckersley just has to deal with Killebrew to get out of the inning. Throws a challenge fastball, but Killebrew gets it, hits it into the outfield, and now Eckersley will have to face Tris Speaker.

: That did not go great for him in Game One.

: He'll give Speaker a walk, not quite an intentional one, but Eckersley doesn't walk guys on four pitches without some intent. That brings up Ruth.

: I guess Eckersley's thinking is that Ruth is more likely to make an out, especially if Eckersley doesn't give up the walk.

: Eckersley gets to 0-2, throws another fastball, but it's too far over the plate, and Ruth turns, swings, connects, and it's a three-run home run, the RCMP are up 4-2.

: If the Sheikhs don't make a comeback, this is going to be a loss almost entirely created by their bullpen.

: Riggs fouls out, and that's something. We'll head to the bottom of the eighth, and Raines leads things off with a single. That brings up Buck Leonard.

: Your problem here is that the Sheikhs are bringing up a lot of left-handed power against Billy Wagner, it's not a match.

: Buck Leonard grounds out, but advances the runner. MACHINE tries to get a hold of a fastball, but pops out, and that brings up Babe Ruth, still with a chance to tie the game with a home run of his own. But Wagner is not going to give him that chance, he'll walk Ruth to get to Joe Morgan. The Sheikhs don't like that matchup, and in comes Brian Downing as the pinch-hitter. And that, in turn, means that Wagner will walk Downing, and pitch to Frankie Frisch, and the Sheikhs will take out Frankie Frisch and bring in Paul Molitor who will weakly fly out.

: That seemed excessive.

: Top of the ninth, the Sheikhs are going to keep going with Eckersley. Joe Sewell leads things off, and hits a home run! It's 5-2 RCMP.

: Oof.

: But he'll work through the rest of the inning without trouble, and we'll head to the bottom of the ninth with the score 5-2. Once again, it will be the bottom of the order up against Wagner.

: That means the pitcher's spot is due up, and let's hope we learned something since last time.

: Combs up, and flies out. That brings up Johnny Bench, who gets fooled on a slider for the strikeout. Two gone, pitcher's spot due up.

: Okay. So we know that Rafael Palmeiro can't hit power lefties well, and Mike Schmidt is on the bench, so we don't have to make another mistake!

: Palmeiro will be the pinch-hitter.

: Oh, come on!

: And he'll strike out to end the game.

: Can the Sheikhs come back?

: I don't think so.

: Oh, okay then.

Game 4: RCMP @ Sindhi Sheikhs (RCMP Leads 3-0)

: Hey, at least they didn't blow another late lead.

: Just not good.

: If you're the Sheikhs, what do you take away from this series?

: I don't think there's a lot to take away. They've been swept by the RCMP before, back in Super-League XVII, and it was really just a minor setback. By the way, when you wrote that series, what did you do for it?

: It was as bad as this, except quite a bit longer. Sweeps aren't that interesting to write about. Even in this series, where three of four games had late-inning drama, it was the same story over and over, the Sheikhs couldn't hold a lead, and then couldn't hit Billy Wagner. I don't know that it would have been that interesting to read about. It did remind me, though, that one year ago, I at least had more energy to try things.

: If you're the RCMP, I think you take the Omni-Titles, and you pray that the Doom beat the Panderers, because this team struggled against the starting pitching of the Sheikhs, and I don't know that they'd really do a lot better against the Panderers, and at least the Doom are somewhat analagous to the Sheikhs.

: And the Panderers would have home-field, so if the RCMP draws them, they're either going to need to dig up more offense, and Ledesma certainly isn't the answer, or something else, because they're not going to win another series this postseason due to the other team blowing three games in a row to open the series. But, then again, we'll see.

: Is that it?

: Huh? Yeah, that's the end of the update.

: We're running way short.

: Really? Then we'll have to go with Plan McLean!

: Isn't that going a bit far?

: Nonsense! We have no choice! Plan McLean, activate!

Plan McLean posted:

A long, long time ago
Or maybe just yesterday
The Super-League used to make me smile
And I knew if I had my chance
That I could make the readers dance
And maybe they'd be happy for a while

But the DLCS made me shiver
With each game I'd deliver
Bad news in the recap
Once team just had no hap

I can't remember if I cried
When I read about his widowed bot
Something touched me but I forgot
The day the Sheikhs died
So...

Bye, bye MACHINE v. X-I,
Checked for better ideas, but the well as dry
And the RCMP was happy and high
Singin' the Macho Men gonna die
That the Macho Men gonna die

Could I write an update of love
And do you have faith in the Machoes above
If I tell you so?
Do you believe in the team from Toronto?
Can a good lineup save their mortal soul?
And will the Macho Men lay them low?

Well, I know that DannoMack has a dream
And that it much seem doable to him
'Cause his team's moving far
Man, his team looks like a star

I was hoping for another game
A twist, some hope, less blame
But I knew that I could not stop the shame
The the Sheikhs died
I started typin'

Bye, bye MACHINE v. X-I
Hoping for a better update, but the well was dry
And the RCMP are happy and high
Singin' the Macho Men gonna die
That the Macho Men gonna die

Now, for four games the series
The RCMP did not relent
But that's how it came to be

When I mocked him for his shortstop
DannoMack showed it was no flop
And Ledesma played harmlessly

Oh and while I may have looked down
Ledesma finished the semi-final round
The DLCS was adjourned
Verdict for Canada returned

And while Beet vanished from all sight
Turned into a shadow in the night
I wondered about his plight
The day the Sheikhs died
I couldn't stop sayin'

Bye, bye MACHINE v. X-I
Prayed for a less stupid gimmick, but the well was still dry
And the RCMP are happy and high
Singin' the Macho Men gonna die
That the Macho Men gonna die

Helter skelter in playoffs swelter
The Sheikhs' SPs went through a melter
ERA's at five and rising fast

The RCMPs kept scoring runs
Even if mostly by ones
But it was enough to get them past

Now the Sheikhs could not themselves together
While RCMP beat on them forever
Or maybe only for four times
Which makes for some hard rhymes

'Cause the Sheikhs did take the field
But the RCMP refused to yield
Do you recall what was revealed
The day the Sheikhs died
I'm tired of sayin'

Bye, bye MACHINE v. X-I
Begging for better writing, but the well's way dry
And the RCMP are happy and high
Singin' the Macho Men gonna die
That the Macho Men gonna die

Oh, and there we were in that place
The Sindhi team lost is space
Forced next season to start again

So come on MACHINE, please be quick
Find Failure Unit Beet, the team is sick
Because the Sheikhs are in pain

Oh, and as I watched them fail and die
My eyes welled up, I started to cry
Any team with no guidance
Couldn't find how to balance

And as the RCMP piled on the wins
To make the Sheikhs pay for their sins
I saw DannoMack with so many grins
The day the Sheikhs died
Holy gently caress this song was longer than I remembered, forcing me to reiterate

Bye, bye MACHINE v. X-I
Couldn't do any better, but I sort of did try
And the RCMP are happy and high
Singin' the Macho Men gonna die
That the Macho Men gonna die

I wondered what I had left to lose
The thread asked me for the new
But I just frowned and turned away

I went down to the update list
Where I'd tried my best, no update's missed
But the thread said this update wouldn't play

And in the posts the owners screamed
The readers cried, the lurked dreamed
Many harsh words were spoken
Any expectations were broken

And the teams that I admire most,
W's, Bangers, both were toast
The Sheikhs now joined, another ghost
The day the Sheikhs died
And for the last time

Bye, bye MACHINE v. X-I
Please forgive me, and don't shiv me, or ask me why
And the RCMP are happy and high
Singin' the Macho Men gonna die
That the Macho Men gonna die

To repeat the chorus
Bye, bye MACHINE v. X-I
I've failed the entire thread and now want to die
And the RCMP are happy and high
Singin' the Macho Men gonna die

: Smasher, I think you just broke the Super-League.

: I know, Yoshida. God help me, I know.

DannoMack

Get me your DH lineups.

# ? Nov 16, 2016 18:23

Armitage: Aug 16, 2005; "Mathman's not here." "Oh? Where is he?" "He's in the Mathroom."

Well that was completely the opposite of what I thought was gonna happen.

# ? Nov 16, 2016 18:38

CVE: Jan 27, 2012

Fantastic update despite the sweep. I dont know what it is that allows you to create such things, but you certainly got it.

# ? Nov 16, 2016 18:38

DivineCoffeeBinge: Mar 3, 2011; Spider-Man's Amazing Construction Company

Smasher Dynamo posted:

: Can the Sheikhs come back?
: I don't think so.

Yoshida! Where is your boundless optimism? Where is your never-say-die-so-Smasher-can-be-gleeful-at-the-resulting-death attitude?

I found this surprisingly saddening. :smith:

(I found the fact that I just typed that to be even more saddening but that's neither here nor there)

E: and now I'm mad! Fuckin' Canadians broke Yoshida! :argh:

DivineCoffeeBinge fucked around with this message at 18:42 on Nov 16, 2016

# ? Nov 16, 2016 18:39

Yaya: Nov 14, 2012; vancloober cablucks

Oh no, my tag team partner!

Yay, my countryman!

# ? Nov 16, 2016 18:47

TheMcD: May 4, 2013; Monaca / Subject N 2024
---------
Despair will never let you down.
Malice will never disappoint you.

Bullpens Matter: The Series. The Mounties win three out of four through reliever trouble, and the Sheikhs were unable to score a single run off a Mounties reliever. That's impressive.

# ? Nov 16, 2016 18:47

DannoMack: Aug 1, 2003; i love it when you call me big poppa

It's just so beautiful. 😭

For those of you who want to sing along a few times, like I did, use this:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sGCVp73RjxQ

# ? Nov 16, 2016 19:48

Pander: Oct 9, 2007; Fear is the glue that holds society together. It's what makes people suppress their worst impulses. Fear is power.

And at the end of fear, oblivion.

Neat series. Always nice to see consequences for extreme deadballers needing the bullpen to save the day.

Love the song lyrics Smasher! Now just make sure the Panderers won so we can watch me pummel DannoMack in the finals again. It's been too long.

# ? Nov 16, 2016 21:02

DannoMack: Aug 1, 2003; i love it when you call me big poppa

You won't have Dan Brouthers to hit his first ever fly ball longer than 100ft this time! But the people want a Gordie Howe Bridge series, Pander. The people want the Doom.

# ? Nov 16, 2016 21:33

Pander: Oct 9, 2007; Fear is the glue that holds society together. It's what makes people suppress their worst impulses. Fear is power.

And at the end of fear, oblivion.

DannoMack posted:

You won't have Dan Brouthers to hit his first ever fly ball longer than 100ft this time! But the people want a Gordie Howe Bridge series, Pander. The people want the Doom.

And if the Doom had pitchers, maybe the people would get the doom.

But they don't.

They have guys who throw the ball, and I have guys who will hit those balls until the heavens fall from the sky.

# ? Nov 17, 2016 01:46

Yaya: Nov 14, 2012; vancloober cablucks

The heavens will only fall when you knock them down and the only way to do that is with some MONSTER DINGSHOTS

# ? Nov 17, 2016 01:55

FairGame: Jul 24, 2001; Der Kommander

Yaya posted:

The heavens will only fall when you knock them down and the only way to do that is with some MONSTER DINGSHOTS

I'm pretty sure this was the plan in Xenogears.

Then again, disc 2 kinda was a weird blur.

# ? Nov 17, 2016 02:03

the holy poopacy: May 16, 2009; hey! check this out; Fun Shoe

EC Pick 'em: The Gauntlet, Round 4
Pick TWO!
Berners and Atomic Bears

# ? Nov 17, 2016 19:18

rabidsquid: Oct 11, 2004; LOVES THE KOG

FairGame posted:

I'm pretty sure this was the plan in Xenogears.

Then again, disc 2 kinda was a weird blur.

Citan Uzuki would be a really good center fielder I bet

# ? Nov 17, 2016 19:21

HulkaMatt: Feb 14, 2006; BIG BICEPS SHOHEI

That song is so long. I remember a friend of mine was sick while doing some college radio so I told him to just play that song to kill time so he didn't have to talk anytime soon.

# ? Nov 17, 2016 22:35

Ice To Meet You: Mar 5, 2007

Why are there so loving many of you. Maybe I really should cut down on the league size. But wait, then I would have to do more of these posts. gently caress!

Team Statistics

Like I said, your pitching had to get better from what they were doing at the start of the season.

The Berners won 9 out of 10 against you to start this round, and that was that.

And thus another team passes from this earth, mourned, maybe, by someone who could have been paying attention, or not.

Post-dick Matt Harvey might still be pretty useful.

EC Pick 'em: The Gauntlet, Round 5
Pick TWO!

Burlington Berners
Cuyahoga Flames
State College Supernovas
Zheleznogorsk Atomic Bears

Ice To Meet You fucked around with this message at 14:24 on Nov 18, 2016

# ? Nov 18, 2016 05:30

TMMadman: Sep 9, 2003; by Fluffdaddy

Ice To Meet You posted:

EC Pick 'em: The Gauntlet, Round 5
Pick TWO!

Bonus Wagner
Burlington Berners
State College Supernovas
Zheleznogorsk Atomic Bears

Berners
Wagner

# ? Nov 18, 2016 05:34

shepard.shouldgo: Feb 2, 2016

So.umm the flames and bonus Wagner got flipped from the gaunlet rounds post mcfreeze made

https://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3499603&perpage=40&pagenumber=1263#post466066391

# ? Nov 18, 2016 05:39

Ice To Meet You: Mar 5, 2007

shepard.shouldgo posted:

So.umm the flames and bonus Wagner got flipped from the gaunlet rounds post mcfreeze made

That appears to be true. I blame my blinding rage.

# ? Nov 18, 2016 05:40

FairGame: Jul 24, 2001; Der Kommander

e: disregard this post. I will make my pick me for next round when I'm more coherent.

# ? Nov 18, 2016 05:42

Edward Mass: Sep 14, 2011; 𝅘𝅥𝅮 I wanna go home with the armadillo
Good country music from Amarillo and Abilene
Friendliest people and the prettiest women you've ever seen𝅘𝅥𝅮

Berners
Flames

# ? Nov 18, 2016 06:48

Yaya: Nov 14, 2012; vancloober cablucks

Ice To Meet You posted:

That appears to be true. I blame my blinding rage.

Your edited post has now removed the State College Supernovas. Please control your rage, everybody is dying.

# ? Nov 18, 2016 06:50

rabidsquid: Oct 11, 2004; LOVES THE KOG

Yaya posted:

Your edited post has now removed the State College Supernovas. Please control your rage, everybody is dying.

im going to assume that State College Supernovas are Penn State related and just throw out a "Wow, tough life"

# ? Nov 18, 2016 06:59

GVOLTT: Dec 27, 2012; Honestly, I don't know what I want to put here, so I'm going with this.

Well, this round bodes well for my team's survival, I guess. Is there a settled number of rounds the Gauntlet is lasting?

# ? Nov 18, 2016 08:18

DivineCoffeeBinge: Mar 3, 2011; Spider-Man's Amazing Construction Company

EC Pick 'em: The Gauntlet, Round 5
Pick TWO!

Burlington Berners
Cuyahoga Flames
Zheleznogorsk Atomic Bears

# ? Nov 18, 2016 10:12

PASS THE MASH: Oct 30, 2013

Team Name: State College Supernovas

Completely neutral stadium

Lineups vs RHP
1.. Dan Brouthers, 1B
2. Jesse Burkett, RF
3. Jake Stenzel, CF
4. George Brett, 3B
5. Rod Carew, 2B
6. Al Simmons, LF
7. Lance Berkman, DH
8. Buddy Myer, SS
9. Gabby Hartnett, C

Lineups vs. LHP
1.. Dan Brouthers, 1B
2. Jesse Burkett, RF
3. Jake Stenzel, CF
4. George Brett, 3B
5. Bill Madlock, 2B
6. Kiki Cuyler, LF
7. Lance Berkman, DH
8. Luke Appling, SS
9. Gabby Hartnett, C

Pitching Rotation:
SP1: Cy Young
SP2: Jack Powell
SP3: Tom Seaver
SP4: Juan Marichal
SP5: Dutch Leonard
Bullpen
CL: Seung-Hwan Oh
SU: Kevin Siegrist
SR: Sparky Lyle
SR: Jeff Nelson
MR: Byrn Smith
LR: Mike Gonzalez

Bench:
Johnny Bench
Riggs Stephenson
Platoon Partners

Minors
Seth Maness
Yadier Molina
Thornton Lee
Pete Rose
Goose Goslin
Nig Cuppy
Jonathan Broxton

burkeje01,1899,,,,Jesse,Burkett
stenzja01,1899,,,,Jake,Stenzel
youngcy01,1899,,,,Cy,Young
powelja01,1899,,,,Jack,Powell
cuppyni01,1899,,,,Nig,Cuppy
stephri,1932,,,,Riggs,Stephenson
benchjo01,1974,,,,Johnny,Bench
berkmla01,2010,,,,Lance,Berkman
leeth01,1941,,,,Thornton,Lee
rosepe01,1974,,,,Pete,Rose
broutda01,1890,,,,Dan,Brouthers
myerbu01,1927,,,,Buddy,Myer
maricju01,1971,,,,Juan,Marichal
gosligo01,1938,,,,Goose,Goslin
applilu01,1941,,,,Luke,Appling
leonadu02,1938,,,,Dutch,Leonard
simmoal01,1938,,,,Al,Simmons
seaveto01,1977,,,,Tom,Seaver
madlobi01,1983,,,,Bill,Madlock
brettge01,1986,,,,George,Brett
ohse01,2016,,,,Seung Hwan,Oh
siegrke01,2016,,,,Kevin,Siegrist
manesse01,2016,,,,Seth,Maness
broxtjo01,2016,,,,Jonathan,Broxton
smithbr01,1983,,,,Bryn,Smith
lylesp01,1977,,,,Sparky,Lyle
molinya01,2016,,,,Yadier,Molina
carewro01,1975,,,,Rod,Carew
smoltjo01, 2002,,,,John,Smoltz
hartnga01,1932,,,,Gabby,Hartnett
nelsoje01,1998,,,,Jeff,Nelson
cuyleki01,1932,,,, Kiki,Cuyler
gonzami02, 2003,,,,Mike,Gonzalez
Sliders 0s all around
[/quote]

# ? Nov 18, 2016 14:55

kw0134: Apr 19, 2003; I buy feet pics🍆

Pours out a 40 for my departed tag team partner.

# ? Nov 18, 2016 14:59

Smasher Dynamo: Oct 16, 2008; ~~Eternal~~ Commissioner of the Super League. A new avatar. A new age, of the same old embittered Smasher that failed to escape the bonds of the SL, FM3, Johnny Hopp and Eri Yoshida "The Knuckle Princess". "The flames of Smasher's ire scorch the skies... Igniting St. Bellhorn's funeral pyre."

Super-League XX, Smasher League Championship Series: Khartoum Doom vs. Portland Panderers

The following contest, scheduled for the best four of seven games, is for the Smasher League Championship. The winner will face the RCMP in the Super-League XX Finals.

Introducing first, the former two-time Tag Team Champions, the reigning six-time Mark Bellhorn Division Champions, and the reigning and defending Interim European Champions, they are the home of Slug Lyfe, the most dominant faction in all of the Super-League. Ladies and gentlemen, the Khartoum Doom!

And their opponents, they are the two-time Senor Goodtimes Division Champions, and the holder of the best record in Super-League XX. From Portland, Oregon, which Pander would like you to know is much better than all of your home towns, except for kensei, for happens to also live in the area, these are the Portland Panderers

Pander posted:

Dearest Super-League,

It warms my heart that nearly all of you foresaw that I would crush the Doom. Granted, I am slightly hurt that some of you thought that it would take 6 or 7 games, as though I couldn't dominate him in Khartoum as well as in Portland, but, then again, I suppose that you were merely being cautious, and I can hardly blame you for that, as most of the people participating in the pick 'em have only a vague understanding of how to build a successful Super-League team, and while almost all of you could recognize that my team was far superior, you felt some compulsion to hedge your bet. An overabundance of caution, I think, but I can accept that.

The news, however, is not all good. Because, looking at your picks, I see that one among, CaptainYesterday, not only picked the Doom to win, but picked them to win in five games. That is insulting and baffling. CaptainYesterday, by his own logic, believed that the Doom could win in Portland. I would guess that everyone else's pick of the Panderers to win the series was couched in the logic that, whatever else may or may not happen, that the Doom would not and could not win in the Panderdome.

Clearly, this man needs some education. And so, after discussing the matter with Smasher, in lieu of a recap of my five-game dismantling of the Doom, here is an excerpt from my award-winning book on owning a Super-League team:

Getting to Double-Yes

Winning the Super-League without giving in and also destroying your opponent's will to live

By Pander

Like it or not, you are a team owner. Winning series is a fact of life, assuming you want your team to live. You arrange your rotation. You try and get the right lineup out there. Two owners try to make a trade that makes sense for both teams. A group of owners like Monateam affiliates to try and get a common front together. An owner weighs whether he should hold onto his pick or not. The champion decides whether or not he dares challenge the Macho Men.

Victory is the sine qua non of the Super-League in the most literal sense. Without it, your team will cease to exist, and you will no longer be a team owner. Everyone wants to win games and keep their team going, fewer and fewer people are willing to just throw up a team with no chance of winning. Whether in the EC, the Sub-Par League or the Super-League, only victory matters in the end. Although the goal of victory is obvious, it is not easy to do well. Standard strategies often leave people dissatisfied, worn out, or alienated, and frequently all three.

People find themselves in a dilemma. They see two ways to play the game: soft or hard. The soft player wants to avoid personal conflict, and so makes poor deals and choices readily in order to be thought of well. He wants a feel of amity to prevail; yet he often ends up exploited and feeling bitter. The hard player sees any situation as a contest of wills in which the side that goes to the more drastic lengths and holds out longer fares better. He needs to win; yet he often ends up producing an equally hard response which exhauts him and his resources and harms his relationship with the other owners. Other standard strategies fall between hard and soft, but each involves an attempted trade-off between getting what you want and getting along with people.

There is a third way to play, a way neither hard nor soft, but rather both hard and soft. The method of Pander Victory developed at the Pander Institute of Domination is to decide issues on their merits rather than bow to conventional wisdom and what other owners say they will do. It suggests that you look for the pieces that other owners are eager to throw away, and exploit them for personal profit. The method of Pander Victory is hard on the strategy, but soft on the tactics. It employs no tricks and no posturing. Pander Victory shows you how to obtain what you are entitled to and still be decent. It enables you to be fair while crushing all those who stand in your path.

Every season of the Super-League is different, but the basic elements do not change. Pander Victory can be used whether you are in the Super-League or Sub-Par League; one rival or many. The Pander Victory succeeds whether the owner is experienced or not, a true contender, or not one at all. Unlike almost all other strategies, if the other side learns this one, it does not become more difficult to use, it becomes easier. If they read this, all
the better.

I. Separate the OWNERS from your objectives

Everyone knows how hard it is to make a trade without people misunderstanding the value each side gets, getting angry or upset, and taking things personally.

mentholmoose says to his men, "All right, who traded Pander another power lefty?"

Monathin steps forward, "I did. It seemed like a good deal. I mean, why wouldn't I want another Whitey Ford on my team? Why shouldn't I make this trade with Pander?"

Later, mentholmoose confronts me, "Why do you keep exploiting poor, dumb Monathin? He says that you sold him another loving Whitey Ford? What's going on?"

I reply, "I trade with Monathin because he is willing to make these kind of trades. I know I can trust him to understand the right valuation of players. I trade with him because it's the best for everyone, so long as you understand that, ultimately, only my victories really matter."

In another real-life situation, McFreeze says to Pander:

"I appreciate your time, Pander. What I'd like to talk to you about is the problem I have with your decision not to challenge the Macho Men. Basically, I think that you not challenging the Macho Men is that you are a punk-rear end coward, and that-"

Myself, interrupting:

"McFreeze, just because you appear to be eager to throw your team away does not mean that I am obligated to do the same. I made this decision, McFreeze, because I realize that my team cannot beat the Macho Men in their current state. Do you think they can?"

"No, but-"

"Are you saying I should just throw my team away?"

"Yeah, because it's what you're supposed to do."

"Listen, McFreeze, I promised the Super-League that I would create the greatest team that they had ever seen to prove that all you need to succeed is to be smarter than everyone else and also more handsome and successful. What kind of fool do you think you can play me for, coming in here telling me to throw my team away? I don't want to hear another word of that. Good day, McFreeze!"

Now what? Does McFreeze press Pander on this point, making him angry, should this hypothetical Pander not be so utterly collected as to make that possible, and probably not getting anywhere? His team will probably have to play the Panderers again at some point. Not have the Panderers out to gut him is important. Should he let the matter rest, then, even though he is convinced, wrongly, I might add, that Pander is a punk-rear end coward? That his decision is likely to be against the interests of the Super-League?

What is going on in these cases?

Owners are people first

A basic fact about owning a team, easy to forget in the heat of the season, is that you are not dealing with abstract representatives of "other teams", but with human beings. Many of them have emotions, deeply held values, and different backgrounds and viewpoints, and they are unpredictable. So are you.

The human aspect of team ownership can be either helpful or disastrous. The process of working out a trade may produce a psychological commitment to a mutually satisfactory outcome. A working relationship where trust, understanding, respect and friendship are built up over time can make each negotiation smoother, and allow for deeper levels of exploitation. And a team owner's desire to feel good about themselves, and their concern for what others will think of them, can often make them more exploitable as well.

On the other hand, owners get angry, depressed, fearful, hostile, incontinent, frustrated and offended. They have egos that are easily threatened. Very easily. They see the world from their own personal vantage point, and they frequently confuse their perceptions with reality. Routinely, they fail to interpret basic numbers correct, and do not mean what you understand them to say. Misunderstanding can reinforce prejudice and lead to reactions that produce counterreactions in a vicious circle, rational explortation of possible solutions becomes impossible and trade negotiations fail. The purpose of the game becomes a desperate need to prove that they were right all along, and when that fails, as it always does, apportioning blame at the expense of others.

Failing to deal with others as human beings¹ prone to human reactions can be disastrous for a trade negotiation. Whatever else you are doing at any point during such a negotiation, from preparation to follow-up, it is worth asking yourself, "Am I recognizing the deep-seated psychological flaws that led this person to become a Super-League owner?"

¹CthulhuDreams, of course, being a robot, is not a person.

Every Owner has two kinds of interests: in the substance and in the relationship

Every owner wants to crush his enemies and drink their blood, whether metaphorically or otherwise. That is why one plays the Super-League. Beyond that, many owners also seek some sort of community. HulkaMatt wants to both shore up his team and reinforce the thralldom of Team Matt. At a minimum, an owner wants to maintain a working relationship good enough to produce a good trade if one is possible. Usually, more is at stake. Most trade negotiations take place between two teams that are ongoing concerns where it is important ot carry on these trae negotiations in a way that will help rather than hinder future negotiations. In fact, with many long-term trading partners, the ongoing relationship is far more important than the outcome of any particular negotiation.

A major consequence of the "people problem" in negotiation is that the parties' relationship tends to become entangled with their discussions of substance. On both the giving and receiving end, we are likely to treat people and problem as one. Within the family, a statement such as "The meth lab is a mess" or "The creditors grow restless in the night" may be intended simply to identify a problem, but it is likely to be heard as a personal attack. Anger over a situation may lead you to express anger toward some human being associated it in your mind.² Egos tend to become involved in substantive positions.

Another reason that substantive issues become entangled with psychological ones is that people draw from comments on substance unfounded inferences which they then treat as facts about that person's intentions and attitudes toward them. Unless we are careful, this process is almost automatic, we are seldom aware that other explanations may be equally valid. Thus in the first example, mentholmoose figured that I had it in for him, while I barely thought of mentholmoose at all.

²It is worth noting that, for some people, most notably mentholmoose, they tend to link their struggles to anyone and everyone in the world, as though the universe itself is out to get them. Quite frankly, I've found that I didn't need help from the universe to break mentholmoose's spirit, but if the universe offered, I wouldn't have rejected their help. Philly people are barely people to begin with.

Perception

Understanding the other side's thinking is not simply a useful activity that will help you rook others. Their thinking, due to its flaws, is what allows the rooking to take place. Whether you mare making a deal or outright stealing from them, advantage is created by the difference between your thinking and theirs. When two people deal, they are dealing over players they value differently. DannoMack and HulkaMatt quarrel over the value of Canadian players, with HulkaMatt thinking that Canadians are bad and should be hated, and DannoMack being required by Canadian law to maintain a level of Canadian content on his team. In such circumstances people tend to assume that what they need to know more about is the stats of the players. They look at baseball-reference or Super-League reference.

Ultimately, however, conflict lies not in objective reality, but in people's heads. Truth is simply one more argument, rarely a good one for most, for dealing with the difference. The difference itself exists in their thinking. Fears, mainly about demotion or relegation, are real fears and need to be dealt with. Hopes of titles, even if unrealistic, may cause a trade war. Stats, even if established, may do nothing to ease negotiations. Both parties may agree that a player will underperform, but still disagree by how much, and whether the player is viable. It may finally be established that Larry Walker isn't a first baseman no matter how much DannoMack wants it to be so, but DannoMack may still argue that he can be played at first base. The detailed history of Walker's defensive metrics, no matter how extensive the record, is not the stuff to which one puts to rest that kind of argument. As useful as looking for objective reality can be, Super-League owners are generally so far gone from reality as to make it pointless. It is the reality as the other owner sees it that must be understood to give you that key advantage.

How you see the world depends on where you sit. People tend to see what they want to see. Out of a mass of detailed information, they tend to pick out and focus on those facts that confirm their prior perceptions and to disregard or misinterpret those that call their perceptions into question. Monathin cannot help but see a growing acceptance of anime, no matter how soul-destroying anime might be. HulkaMatt can't help but see success as just around the corner, even if that is simply impossible. EclecticTastes' view of reality calls into question the definition of the word.

The ability to see the world as the other side sees it, as difficult, and sometimes dangerous, as it may be, is one of the most important skills an owner can possess. It is not enough to know that they see things differently. If you want to bilk them, you also need to understand empathetically the power of their point of view and to feel the emotional force with which they believe it.³ It is not enough to study them like beetles under a microscope, no matter how much like beetles they are in many ways, you need to know what it's like to be a beetle-like human. To accomplish this task you should be prepared to withhold judgment for a while as you "try on" their views. For many owners, they may lead to temporary mental instability due to the high rate of mental illness among Super-League owners. You may see on the table a glass half full of cool water. mentholmoose might see an angry table laughing at him and taunting his playoff failures.

Consider the contrasting perceptions of Smasher and mentholmoose regarding the Oklahoma City Bombers:
code:
[b]Smasher's Perceptions[/b]              [b]mentholmoose's Perceptions[/b]
Your team keeps making the playoffs.       But we don't win!

You have a dominating lineup.              There are games we score less than ten runs!

Your rotation has been above-average.      Other teams keep scoring runs against us!

You probably have value as a person.       gently caress you, Smasher!

What? Why?                                 We both know that I'm basically just a garbage heap!

Well, I mean, you're a big heap.           I want to be a man, not a heap!
That's something.	
Understanding their point of view is not the same as agreeing with it, though I do agree that mentholmoose is a heap of some sort. It is true that a better understanding of their thinking may lead you to revise you own views about the world, but given who these people are, it probably shouldn't. That is the danger of understanding their point of view. Nevertheless, it helps you advance your newly enlightened self-interest.

Don't deduce their intentions from your fears. People tend to assume that whatever they want, the understand values as highly as they do. Consider this story: "Two people met in a bar, where one offered the other a ride home. He drove her to a cliff side, and forced her out of the car at gunpoint and then advanced on her menacingly. He then explain that he brought her to his favorite cliff and wanted her to get a look at his favorite gun and then drove her home where she decided to go back to the cliff and then shoot herself in the head while throwing herself off said cliff." Why is the ending so surprising? We made an assumption based on our fears.⁴

Don't blame them for their inability to perceive reality correctly. It is tempting to continually hold the other side responsible for their complete and utter idiocy hampering your plans to dominate the Super-League, "Your team doesn't have reliable offense. Every time you end up in the Super-League, you end up getting sent down again right after. Why won't you trade me your best relievers, forzelt?" Blaming is an easy mode to fall into, particularly when you feel the other side is a mark that should be playing into your schemes.

But even if blaming is justified, it is usually counterproductive. Under attack, the other owner will become defensive, though, ironically, not understanding the basic concept of team defense, and will resist what you have to say. They will cease to listen, or they will strike back with an attack of their own. Assessing blame firmly entangles the people with the problem.

When you talk about the problem, separate your desires from the person with whom you are talking. "You need better hitters, as you have repeatedly, forzelt. I can trade you a hitter or two for some of your relievers. Do you want to spend your entire Super-League career bouncing between the top league and the Sub-Par League or what?"⁵

One way to deal with differing perceptions is to make them explicit and discuss them with the other side. As long as you do this in a frank, honest manner, things should go well, although, given how divergent from reality many owners are, the revelation of actual reality may cause some of them to break down in tears. An owner who has had started crying, however, will likely be more pliable in a trade.

Perhaps the best way to change their perceptions is to send them a message different from what they expect. The late Smasher League Championship Series provides an outstanding example of such an action. Going into the series, it was expected that the two teams would dominate in their own home stadium. Instead, in Games Four and Five, the Panderers routed the Doom twice on their home field. Instead of relying on our home field to win, we broke the Doom in their own stadium. Without this dramatic move, many of you might have picked the RCMP to have a chance in the Finals.

³Care must be taken when attempting to empathize with some owners. Attempting to understand Monathin's attachment to anime is fine, but do not go too deeply into that hole, or else you might not escape. Also, when exploring Mornacale's view of the world, it may be helpful to take anti-depressants with you.

⁴It is worth noting that a jury found this story slightly too surprising to accept.

⁵That example is purely hypothetical. forzelt has nothing to offer me on any level.

In Conclusion

Three points.

First, there is probably nothing I have said which you did not already know at some level of your experience. What I have tried to do is organize the basic principles of domination in a way that provides a usable framework for thinking and acting. The more consistent these ideas are with your knowledge and intuition the better. In teaching this method to owners, I have been told, "Pander, your brilliance and gamesmanship is legendary, but with these techniques, my team will do much better, even if, being in the same league as you, we cannot possibly win."

Second, while I have offered you a toolkit, only you can choose to use these tools. Reading Moneyball does not make you Billy Beane, even though you would end up have as much championship success as Beane by the time you were done. It is not enough to read what I have written, you must also choose to use these tools.

Third, what I've done is teach you how to win in the Super-League, how to achieve a better process for sustaining success. To be better, the process must, of course, produce good substantive results; success in the Super-League may not be your only goal, but certainly losing is not the answer. Both theory and experience suggest that my method will produce, over the long run, substantive outcomes as good as or better than you are likely to obtain with whatever half-baked plan you previously had. There is only one sure way to victory in the Super-League, and it is my way.

Box Scores

Pander!

-Get me your no-DH lineups.

-Juan Marichal is healthy.

Pick 'em: Finals
Pick the Winner, Number of Games (Best of Seven), and Score of Final Game
Note: The Panderers have home-field advantage
RCMP vs. Portland Panderers

# ? Nov 18, 2016 15:05

DivineCoffeeBinge: Mar 3, 2011; Spider-Man's Amazing Construction Company

Pick 'em: Finals
Pick the Winner, Number of Games (Best of Seven), and Score of Final Game
Note: The Panderers have home-field advantage
RCMP vs. Portland Panderers - 6 games, 9-6

EDIT: This update's reading has taught me that Pander is the Ayn Rand of the Super-League.

DivineCoffeeBinge fucked around with this message at 15:19 on Nov 18, 2016

# ? Nov 18, 2016 15:11

Pander: Oct 9, 2007; Fear is the glue that holds society together. It's what makes people suppress their worst impulses. Fear is power.

And at the end of fear, oblivion.

How is my rotation, rest wise?

# ? Nov 18, 2016 15:19

Smasher Dynamo: Oct 16, 2008; ~~Eternal~~ Commissioner of the Super League. A new avatar. A new age, of the same old embittered Smasher that failed to escape the bonds of the SL, FM3, Johnny Hopp and Eri Yoshida "The Knuckle Princess". "The flames of Smasher's ire scorch the skies... Igniting St. Bellhorn's funeral pyre."

Since both teams ended their series quickly, neither the RCMP nor Panderers have any tired pitchers. They can each use whatever rotations they like.

# ? Nov 18, 2016 15:33

Pander: Oct 9, 2007; Fear is the glue that holds society together. It's what makes people suppress their worst impulses. Fear is power.

And at the end of fear, oblivion.

how come my themes are always 90s era craprock?

# ? Nov 18, 2016 15:34

FairGame: Jul 24, 2001; Der Kommander

Good lord, smugPander self-help is rapidly approaching my favorite of all the recurring Super League recap themes.

Also I guess the Nationals weren't missing much in 2012 and 2016 with Strasburg off the roster. That went really badly

Gauntlet Round 5 Pick 'Em: Flames and Supernovas
Super League Finals Pick 'Em: Panderers in 5, 7-3

drat You Yet Again, DivineCoffeeBinge Pick 'Em: You are literally beating me by 1 point so even though I think the series is going to go 6 games, I have to do something different. Oh, and some other people are also in the running in the unlikely event they get the final score right. Might as well try!

# ? Nov 18, 2016 15:43

Pander: Oct 9, 2007; Fear is the glue that holds society together. It's what makes people suppress their worst impulses. Fear is power.

And at the end of fear, oblivion.

Finished the writeup while waiting for the base to open. Poor mentholheap

Love the writeup. Shame the series was such a low-drama affair, the final scoring differential was 39-11, wow.

Lineup vs Both - No DH edition
2B Collins
RF Waner
LF Burkett
SS Cronin
1B Mauer
C Bubbles
3B Traynor
CF Roush
<PITCHER>

Rotation

G1 Kershaw
G2 Fernandez
G3 Hamels
G4 Marichal
Mopup: Randy

Same relievers as before.

# ? Nov 18, 2016 16:04

rabidsquid: Oct 11, 2004; LOVES THE KOG

I think I have a decent process, but I'd be willing to bet everyone does. I'm not entirely satisfied with my pitcher evaluation, but it seems like there's not a lot of room to find a diamond in the rough deadball pitcher at this point since that formula appears solved. There's a theoretical hidden value but I'm not sure any actual existing pitchers followed it. Reliever evaluation feels almost totally arbitrary for my team and stadium other than "as few walks and as high a ground ball percent as possible." I wonder if a sinker baller would secretly be a good converted reliever for me.

Also I might be wanting to move on from Edgar Martinez and Goose Goslin, depending on what I can do to improve the left side of my infield defense and out field defense. Also prime Nap is available, have some guys like prime Larry Walker, Ellis Burks, good aged Yaz all sitting around and a Zack Wheat sitting around to fulfill your stupid speed and contact dreams. Also there's the subject of Old Stan, but I sort of want to see that play out. But I'm always open to negotiation. I'd like to get a Yount or Waner, but there are a couple guys I think are interesting and there may be people I don't know about? Mostly looking for SS/3B defense and some outfield defense, ground ball relievers. Maybe package some better stuff together for an elite starting pitcher? Pretty much anyone on my team is conditionally available for a reasonable price other than Ruth or Whitaker.

# ? Nov 18, 2016 16:20

tadashi: Feb 20, 2006

Pick the Winner, Number of Games (Best of Seven), and Score of Final Game
Note: The Panderers have home-field advantage
RCMP vs. Portland Panderer

Panderers in 5, 9-4

# ? Nov 18, 2016 16:34

DivineCoffeeBinge: Mar 3, 2011; Spider-Man's Amazing Construction Company

FairGame posted:

drat You Yet Again, DivineCoffeeBinge Pick 'Em: You are literally beating me by 1 point so even though I think the series is going to go 6 games, I have to do something different. Oh, and some other people are also in the running in the unlikely event they get the final score right. Might as well try!

Well, you don't have to; you can still beat me with better Gauntlet picks even if we make the exact same guesses for the SL championships.

# ? Nov 18, 2016 16:39

Smasher Dynamo: Oct 16, 2008; ~~Eternal~~ Commissioner of the Super League. A new avatar. A new age, of the same old embittered Smasher that failed to escape the bonds of the SL, FM3, Johnny Hopp and Eri Yoshida "The Knuckle Princess". "The flames of Smasher's ire scorch the skies... Igniting St. Bellhorn's funeral pyre."

Pander posted:

how come my themes are always 90s era craprock?

The Panderers are a soul-crushing team in a pretty literal sense, they must be presaged by music that also crushes the soul.

# ? Nov 18, 2016 16:50

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? Jun 9, 2024 17:15

Ice To Meet You: Mar 5, 2007

Ha ha, Pander lost a game to a .500 team, what a failure.

# ? Nov 18, 2016 16:51

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Video Games > Let's Play! > BBM Super-League XXIX: The World Ends With Yu Darvish

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