Game of Thrones SPOILER Thread: WORST. ADAPTATION. EVER.

The Something Awful Forums > The Finer Arts > TV IV > Game of Thrones SPOILER Thread: WORST. ADAPTATION. EVER.

sulphix: Dec 15, 2008

meristem posted:

Dear Prudence,
I am a young widow. A year after my husband's death, I remarried and also found a boyfriend (don't judge! The marriage was for political reasons). My problem is, now my first husband has returned (again, don't ask, but I'm sure it's him!). How do I explain to him that he must adapt to my new circumstances? He was always a bit stereotypically masculine (loved his power displays). Or do I just tell him to find a happy life elsewhere?
Signed,
Mother of Dragons

Has your womb quickened?
-Prudence

# ? Mar 1, 2014 08:11

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# ? Jun 9, 2024 07:00

notaspy: Mar 22, 2009

meristem posted:

Haha, this would go like one of those "Dear..." columnist letters.

The dragon has three heads, one - dany, two - ~~daario~~, three - zombie drogo

# ? Mar 1, 2014 12:50

stev: Jan 22, 2013; Please be excited.

Blade_of_tyshalle posted:

It would be like a telenovela. We open with Dany in Daario's arms in a bungalow with a slowly rotating ceiling fan. They giggle, and the thick humidity leaves their skin glistening wetly. The door swings open, revealing Khal Drogo in an open-front short-sleeved shirt.

"Dany, mi esposa," he says, as the camera zooms in on his smiling face. "Yo Acabamos de regresar de la tumba para continuar nuestro matrimonio."

But then, a tense musical sting! His eyes narrow. "Daenerys. Este hombre que sostiene en manera de un amante. �Qui�n es �l?"

"No, marido!" She leaps to her feet, quickly buttoning her blouse shut. "No es lo que piensas, lo juro por los Siete!"

"Khal Drogo, puedo explicarlo," Daario says, his thick, bristling moustache shimmering with sweat. And gold. "�No le gustar�a por favor calmarte?"

Drogo's eyes bore into Daario like a physical blow, knocking the man back onto the extremely tidy bed. "C�llate, puta."

You should have written the series. Not that Martin guy.

# ? Mar 1, 2014 13:03

emanresu tnuocca: Sep 2, 2011; by Athanatos

Once all three of Miri's conditions are negated Dany will feel pretty stupid for being impatient and offing Drogo.

# ? Mar 1, 2014 13:08

MrL_JaKiri: Sep 23, 2003; A bracing glass of carrot juice!

AStrangeDuelist posted:

Is that photoshopped?

# ? Mar 1, 2014 13:48

Perestroika: Apr 8, 2010

Blade_of_tyshalle posted:

It would be like a telenovela. We open with Dany in Daario's arms in a bungalow with a slowly rotating ceiling fan. They giggle, and the thick humidity leaves their skin glistening wetly. The door swings open, revealing Khal Drogo in an open-front short-sleeved shirt.

"Dany, mi esposa," he says, as the camera zooms in on his smiling face. "Yo Acabamos de regresar de la tumba para continuar nuestro matrimonio."

But then, a tense musical sting! His eyes narrow. "Daenerys. Este hombre que sostiene en manera de un amante. �Qui�n es �l?"

"No, marido!" She leaps to her feet, quickly buttoning her blouse shut. "No es lo que piensas, lo juro por los Siete!"

"Khal Drogo, puedo explicarlo," Daario says, his thick, bristling moustache shimmering with sweat. And gold. "�No le gustar�a por favor calmarte?"

Drogo's eyes bore into Daario like a physical blow, knocking the man back onto the extremely tidy bed. "C�llate, puta."

Amazing. I speak not a word of spanish, yet I understand this scene perfectly.

# ? Mar 1, 2014 13:55

DeepQantas: Jan 13, 2008; Ah, to be a Hero... Keeping such company...

Mirri probably thought the prophecy was about Rhaego or Drogo and that she had thwarted it. Thus it made for a nice private joke to use it as an insult.

Perestroika posted:

Amazing. I speak not a word of spanish, yet I understand this scene perfectly.

Is High Espanian your mother tongue?

# ? Mar 1, 2014 14:50

Doltos: Dec 28, 2005; 🤌🤌🤌

emanresu tnuocca posted:

Once all three of Miri's conditions are negated Dany will feel pretty stupid for being impatient and offing Drogo.

It's weird, Dany off's one of the best Khals in the history of the Dothraki and doesn't even put a bell in her hair after doing it. Missed opportunity.

# ? Mar 1, 2014 15:55

rypakal: Oct 31, 2012; He also cooks the food of his people

Alchenar posted:

I thought it was entirely possible that Dany just has a serious bowel infection.

Every woman on the internet is laughing at you.

# ? Mar 1, 2014 18:18

meristem: Oct 2, 2010; I HAVE THE ETIQUETTE OF STIFF AND THE PERSONALITY OF A GIANT CUNT.

webmeister posted:

I just re-read that passage, and it's actually pretty clear she's miscarrying. She thinks specifically that it's been 3 months since her last period, and that her flow has never been that heavy.

Whether it's caused by the berries, a curse, stress and illness, or anything else isn't clear, but yeah.

You do realise that there are reasons other than pregnancy for why a woman doesn't have periods? And these include for example exercise, stress, weight loss, and some drugs. Stands to reason that with magic, there would be more.

So there's the option that, for example, Dany had been drugged in Meereen, and thanks to the diarrhea she cleansed the drug out of her system. Or that she had been stressed by her life in Meereen, and finally relaxed away from it. The whole chapter seems to be built around the idea of "to thine own self be true", so I'd suppose the second is more likely.

# ? Mar 1, 2014 19:06

FuriousxGeorge: Aug 8, 2007; We've been the best team all year.

They're just finding out.

What I like about GRRM is how he always writes with an eye to the subtle intricacies of menstruation.

# ? Mar 1, 2014 19:30

meristem: Oct 2, 2010; I HAVE THE ETIQUETTE OF STIFF AND THE PERSONALITY OF A GIANT CUNT.

OK, maybe a reference to reality was the wrong argument. Let's try an ad hom instead. Think about it like this: if she did have a miscarriage, don't you think we would have gotten it on page? Spelt in intricate detail intended to be as gruesome as possible in an attempt to be 'subversive'? Think an anti-choicer's worst nightmare.

As it is, the only thing that's on page is blood, confirmed to be menstrual.

# ? Mar 1, 2014 20:34

PootieTang: Aug 2, 2011; by XyloJW

meristem posted:

OK, maybe a reference to reality was the wrong argument. Let's try an ad hom instead. Think about it like this: if she did have a miscarriage, don't you think we would have gotten it on page? Spelt in intricate detail intended to be as gruesome as possible in an attempt to be 'subversive'? Think an anti-choicer's worst nightmare.

Not that I actually care about whether or not it was period or not (as a man, discussing periods makes me more uncomfortable than any other topic) but seriously dude, are you that guy who never read the books? I don't think you have considering you seem to think that GRRM always states everything clearly on page, never just implies something or tries to subtly slip it past the reader, and that he writes super long gruesome scenes for the sole point of being 'subversive'.

I mean it must happen right? I wonder how many people posting in this thread who claim to have read the books are just people who watch the show then skim the wiki?

# ? Mar 1, 2014 21:03

rypakal: Oct 31, 2012; He also cooks the food of his people

There are only two options based on the description:

1) Dany miscarried
2) George doesn't know how bodies work.

# ? Mar 1, 2014 21:47

chellesandcheese: Jul 12, 2005

meristem posted:

OK, maybe a reference to reality was the wrong argument. Let's try an ad hom instead. Think about it like this: if she did have a miscarriage, don't you think we would have gotten it on page? Spelt in intricate detail intended to be as gruesome as possible in an attempt to be 'subversive'? Think an anti-choicer's worst nightmare.

As it is, the only thing that's on page is blood, confirmed to be menstrual.

An anti-choicer's worst nightmare? Seriously? You do realize that even pro-choice people would be devastated by a miscarriage if they wanted to keep the baby, right? Being pro-choice doesn't mean you have no feelings about a fetus being desired and having to go through the loss of it.

Second, since we've had no talk of whether she was even missing her period until that point (I assumed she was because most young women who have fertility issues can be infertile and still have periods) there would have to be some importance to bringing it up now. If she's still infertile, there's literally no point to it...however hinting at a miscarriage would have importance.

And spelling things out in gory detail? Since when? Did you miss the gay Renly hints, or Jeyne and the dog, or the hints about Theon being castrated? Wouldn't that be "every man's worst nightmare" and therefore be expected to be spelled out directly on page? Have you even read the books?

# ? Mar 1, 2014 21:57

romanowski: Nov 10, 2012

chellesandcheese posted:

or Jeyne and the dog

wait what. um I guess I missed that one but I assume it's precisely what I think it is

# ? Mar 1, 2014 22:06

chellesandcheese: Jul 12, 2005

romanowski posted:

wait what. um I guess I missed that one but I assume it's precisely what I think it is

It is. It's when Theon is trying to rescue her, and she's worried it's a test by Ramsey.

# ? Mar 1, 2014 22:17

escape artist: Sep 24, 2005; Slow train coming

romanowski posted:

wait what. um I guess I missed that one but I assume it's precisely what I think it is

When Theon goes to save Jeyne, she thinks it's a trap, and says this about Ramsay Bolton "...Tell him, you tell him I'll do what he wants... whatever he wants... or with the dog... please..."

# ? Mar 1, 2014 22:18

Boldor: Sep 4, 2004; King of the Yeeks

PootieTang posted:

Not that I actually care about whether or not it was period or not (as a man, discussing periods makes me more uncomfortable than any other topic) but seriously dude, are you that guy who never read the books? I don't think you have considering you seem to think that GRRM always states everything clearly on page, never just implies something or tries to subtly slip it past the reader, and that he writes super long gruesome scenes for the sole point of being 'subversive'.

You know, we were talking before about how Stannis isn't actually as he's frequently said to be? The same is true for Martin himself; almost the only common wisdom about him I'd trust comes directly from him.

He's not particularly "grimdark". The books and show are on roughly the same level of grimness; the show genuinely is grim, few movies or TV shows are like this. But it's nothing special for writing. I mean, consider King Lear or the Narn i Ch�n H�rin. These are FAR darker than the world of Westeros. It makes little sense to think that Martin is maximum grimdark or anything close to that, unless you're so poorly read that you're unfamiliar with Shakespeare and Tolkien. I suppose the majority of people reading the books are, actually, come to think of it. (If it weren't for Tolkien's friends' influence, Lord of the Rings would have been substantially darker. And note that I didn't even have to resort to Titus Andronicus.)

Martin aims to be realistic. This means, for instance, that you don't get plot armor just because you're the good protagonist. But note that Brienne and Davos seem to get by okay. Neither ever does anything that's both stupid and dishonorable, which is what tends to get your rear end kicked hard in this series. Eddard, Robb, and Jon Snow all get hit hard in a hurry once they do that. (Incidentally, Eddard's real mistake isn't what either he or most people think it is. It's caving to Varys's threats to Sansa. Varys never actually says that Sansa is going to be harmed, he just misleads by false implication like he always does, but Eddard doesn't think about that. Cersei isn't going to kill Sansa; she's far too valuable as a hostage. Eddard lies to save Sansa's life, when it's not threatened to begin with. Stupid and dishonorable, and what do you know, he dies almost immediately afterward. This is true for both books and show.)

It's actually rather idealistic, in a way. This rule isn't completely reliable; Jaime hasn't taken any real punishment for the stupid-and-dishonorable act of pushing Bran out a window. (Yet. I'd lay money that's what he's going through now, because any encounter with either a weirwood or Lady Stoneheart is almost inevitably going to hammer that into him.) Tommen is going to die imminently; his killer, means, motive, and opportunity are all but explicitly spelled out, even if you completely ignore Cersei's prophecy; but Tommen hasn't done anything remotely dishonorable. It's still an excellent rule of thumb, though.

Oh, and Martin isn't all that unpredictable either. He's only especially unpredictable if you go by meta-rules like "the good protagonist never dies", but in most cases, there's a well-defined logic to what happens in the books. If you re-read the books, signs that Robb will die are everywhere. The show doesn't bother to do this until it's almost too late -- no talk about of young Daeron I Targaryen, no visions in the House of the Undying, etc. -- so it's understandable if you think the show is being unpredictable for the sake of being unpredictable.

Not so the books. This is how Martin usually works, although he's more subtle about things in later books than earlier ones: he effectively writes, "Robb is going to die ... He's going to be killed ... He's not going to make it out of this alive ... Oh, look, he's dead, just like I said would happen! What a surprise!" I mean, Martin actually puts a literal explicit prophecy of Robb's death in the books and somehow people still miss it.

# ? Mar 1, 2014 22:33

romanowski: Nov 10, 2012

escape artist posted:

When Theon goes to save Jeyne, she thinks it's a trap, and says this about Ramsay Bolton "...Tell him, you tell him I'll do what he wants... whatever he wants... or with the dog... please..."

oh right. I remember that. that's pretty obvious.

# ? Mar 1, 2014 22:34

stev: Jan 22, 2013; Please be excited.

Boldor posted:

unless you're so poorly read that you're unfamiliar with Shakespeare and Tolkien. I suppose the majority of people reading the books are, actually, come to think of it.

Why would that be?

# ? Mar 1, 2014 23:03

Beeez: May 28, 2012

Boldor posted:

You know, we were talking before about how Stannis isn't actually as he's frequently said to be? The same is true for Martin himself; almost the only common wisdom about him I'd trust comes directly from him.

He's not particularly "grimdark". The books and show are on roughly the same level of grimness; the show genuinely is grim, few movies or TV shows are like this. But it's nothing special for writing. I mean, consider King Lear or the Narn i Ch�n H�rin. These are FAR darker than the world of Westeros. It makes little sense to think that Martin is maximum grimdark or anything close to that, unless you're so poorly read that you're unfamiliar with Shakespeare and Tolkien. I suppose the majority of people reading the books are, actually, come to think of it. (If it weren't for Tolkien's friends' influence, Lord of the Rings would have been substantially darker. And note that I didn't even have to resort to Titus Andronicus.)

Martin aims to be realistic. This means, for instance, that you don't get plot armor just because you're the good protagonist. But note that Brienne and Davos seem to get by okay. Neither ever does anything that's both stupid and dishonorable, which is what tends to get your rear end kicked hard in this series. Eddard, Robb, and Jon Snow all get hit hard in a hurry once they do that. (Incidentally, Eddard's real mistake isn't what either he or most people think it is. It's caving to Varys's threats to Sansa. Varys never actually says that Sansa is going to be harmed, he just misleads by false implication like he always does, but Eddard doesn't think about that. Cersei isn't going to kill Sansa; she's far too valuable as a hostage. Eddard lies to save Sansa's life, when it's not threatened to begin with. Stupid and dishonorable, and what do you know, he dies almost immediately afterward. This is true for both books and show.)

It's actually rather idealistic, in a way. This rule isn't completely reliable; Jaime hasn't taken any real punishment for the stupid-and-dishonorable act of pushing Bran out a window. (Yet. I'd lay money that's what he's going through now, because any encounter with either a weirwood or Lady Stoneheart is almost inevitably going to hammer that into him.) Tommen is going to die imminently; his killer, means, motive, and opportunity are all but explicitly spelled out, even if you completely ignore Cersei's prophecy; but Tommen hasn't done anything remotely dishonorable. It's still an excellent rule of thumb, though.

Oh, and Martin isn't all that unpredictable either. He's only especially unpredictable if you go by meta-rules like "the good protagonist never dies", but in most cases, there's a well-defined logic to what happens in the books. If you re-read the books, signs that Robb will die are everywhere. The show doesn't bother to do this until it's almost too late -- no talk about of young Daeron I Targaryen, no visions in the House of the Undying, etc. -- so it's understandable if you think the show is being unpredictable for the sake of being unpredictable.

Not so the books. This is how Martin usually works, although he's more subtle about things in later books than earlier ones: he effectively writes, "Robb is going to die ... He's going to be killed ... He's not going to make it out of this alive ... Oh, look, he's dead, just like I said would happen! What a surprise!" I mean, Martin actually puts a literal explicit prophecy of Robb's death in the books and somehow people still miss it.

All the "stupid and dishonorable" acts you're mentioning are done to protect people these characters care about. Are you suggesting the theme is "Never sacrifice anything for those you care about"?

# ? Mar 1, 2014 23:58

CapnAndy: Feb 27, 2004; Some teeth long for ripping, gleaming wet from black dog gums. So you keep your eyes closed at the end. You don't want to see such a mouth up close. before the bite, before its oblivion in the goring of your soft parts, the speckled lips will curl back in a whinny of excitement. You just know it.

Boldor posted:

This rule isn't completely reliable; Jaime hasn't taken any real punishment for the stupid-and-dishonorable act of pushing Bran out a window.

Really?

Really?

Really?

# ? Mar 2, 2014 02:03

Andrew Verse: Mar 30, 2011

Boldor posted:

This rule isn't completely reliable; Jaime hasn't taken any real punishment for the stupid-and-dishonorable act of pushing Bran out a window.

Jaime pushed Bran out of the window and crippled him, taking away Bran's ability to climb which was what he loved doing and was great at. Good thing that nothing similar ever happened to Jaime.

# ? Mar 2, 2014 03:47

Sally Forth: Oct 16, 2012

Boldor posted:

But note that Brienne and Davos seem to get by okay.

A broken arm, missing teeth, half your face chewed off, a dead love interest (that's in danger of becoming two) and the failure of every mission undertaken count as okay?

# ? Mar 2, 2014 13:21

stev: Jan 22, 2013; Please be excited.

Sally Forth posted:

A broken arm, missing teeth, half your face chewed off, a dead love interest (that's in danger of becoming two) and the failure of every mission undertaken count as okay?

Not to mention being nearly hung by the zombie of the woman you've been acting selflessly in service of since you got involved.

# ? Mar 2, 2014 13:31

hand-fed baby bird: May 13, 2009

Didn't Davos lose a few sons on the blackwater?

# ? Mar 2, 2014 13:46

Torquemadras: Jun 3, 2013

He's lost all of his sons that went with him to Blackwater, four, to Tyrion's wildfire. Four of seven sons in total. Might count as somewhat harsh.

# ? Mar 2, 2014 16:15

Servetus: Apr 1, 2010

Andrew Verse posted:

Jaime pushed Bran out of the window and crippled him, taking away Bran's ability to climb which was what he loved doing and was great at. Good thing that nothing similar ever happened to Jaime.

He's still capable of ordering babies loaded into catapults and making threats of doing the same; to a member of house he swore never to do violence again. Jaime's redemption arc is a lie.

# ? Mar 2, 2014 18:47

In It For The Tank: Feb 17, 2011; But I've yet to figure out a better way to spend my time.

First four episode titles of Season 4 have been released:

quote:

Season 4, Episode 1: Two Swords.
Running time: 58 minutes

Season 4, Episode 2: The Lion and the Rose.
Running time: 52 minutes

Season 4, Episode 3: Breaker of Chains.
Running time: 56 minutes

Season 4, Episode 4: Oathkeeper.
Running time: 54 minutes

# ? Mar 2, 2014 18:54

stev: Jan 22, 2013; Please be excited.

The Lion and the Rose... Nice. Not as obvious as I was expecting.

# ? Mar 2, 2014 19:00

Andrew Verse: Mar 30, 2011

Servetus posted:

He's still capable of ordering babies loaded into catapults and making threats of doing the same; to a member of house he swore never to do violence again. Jaime's redemption arc is a lie.

The whole thing was a big bluff to scare Edmure into ending the siege in a non-violent manner. It also worked.

# ? Mar 2, 2014 19:07

computer parts: Nov 18, 2010; PLEASE CLAP

I guess episode 4 is when Brienne goes on her way (or 5).

# ? Mar 2, 2014 19:09

brap: Aug 23, 2004; Grimey Drawer

Jaime is surprisingly committed to doing no violence against House Tully during the siege of Riverrun.

# ? Mar 2, 2014 19:30

GonSmithe: Apr 25, 2010; Perhaps it's in the nature of television. Just waves in space.

In It For The Tank posted:

First four episode titles of Season 4 have been released:

These are all very good episode titles.

# ? Mar 2, 2014 19:44

Anonymous John: Mar 8, 2002

computer parts posted:

I guess episode 4 is when Brienne goes on her way (or 5).

Calling it: Brienne's arc this season will end with her meeting Lady Stoneheart.

# ? Mar 2, 2014 20:23

Yureina: Apr 28, 2013; Yeap. I found this out recently. Really turns me off the Palestinian cause to find out they basically consist entirely of raging racists.

Anonymous John posted:

Calling it: Brienne's arc this season will end with her meeting Lady Stoneheart.

Too soon I think.

# ? Mar 2, 2014 20:29

Anonymous John: Mar 8, 2002

How else will they end her storyline this season? D&D will just change the timeline of events.

# ? Mar 2, 2014 21:08

Ballz: Dec 16, 2003; it's mario time

Anonymous John posted:

Calling it: Brienne's arc this season will end with her meeting Lady Stoneheart.

It could be Black Walder or Lame Lother Frey. Although for maximum impact, that'd mean the show would have to feature them doing... something in season 4. The audience currently sees them as "forgettable ugly Frey 1" and "forgettable ugly Frey 2". Hell, I don't even remember which one killed Cat.

Edit: Although the more I think about it, the more it being Brienne and Pod makes sense. I really can't see the show stretching out "I'm searching for a highborn maiden of three-and-ten, with blue eyes and auburn hair, possibly traveling with a fool" for an entire loving season.

Ballz fucked around with this message at 22:49 on Mar 2, 2014

# ? Mar 2, 2014 22:30

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# ? Jun 9, 2024 07:00

Beeez: May 28, 2012

Brienne's story can easily have bits added onto it. Some of the show's best material has been stuff that isn't really adapted from anything. I think it loses something if Lady Stoneheart is introduced only when she captures those two. She needs to be introduced hanging Freys in the woods.

# ? Mar 2, 2014 22:54

The Something Awful Forums > The Finer Arts > TV IV > Game of Thrones SPOILER Thread: WORST. ADAPTATION. EVER.

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