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ultrafilter posted:I vote murder. You got it! quote:
The app has taken to crashing every single time I open up Assistive Touch to screenshot an infoblurb, so Chris Hastings's appears transcribed this time instead. The app crashed several other times while I was getting this update made, too. The app is not stable on iPhone 4S; I can't speak for other iOS devices. Also, our map has been updated!  As a side note, this entire sequence of events has been marked in the app as a checkpoint called "In Which Hamlet and Ophelia Become Ninjas." With that in mind, Ophelia's ninja adventures will continue in the next post.
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Jun 1, 2015 02:55
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| # ? May 25, 2024 02:07 |
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Ophelia uses her last 1-Up! After another Game Over screen, we'll pull back to vote on our next path. This time, Ophelia's going to proceed with the plan instead of rushing ahead with murder in her eyes. Also, I'm going to show you what the Steam version of this app looks like, particularly because it runs more stably. quote:
The Steam implementation runs on the same Gamebook Adventures Engine as the iOS app, which appears to be based on Unity. It looks almost exactly the same, has the same music, and the text blocks behave the same way, except with mouseclicks instead of taps. It also includes the audio narration, which can be toggled. It has Steam cards, which contain a selection of the ending illustrations, including the exploded Claudius one. The two banners on either side of the window never, ever change. Oh, and 1024x768 was the lowest resolution the game could be set to run on. If I keep using the Steam implementation I'll resize the images like I've been doing the iOS screenshots. Pittsburgh Lambic fucked around with this message at 03:00 on Jun 1, 2015 |
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Jun 1, 2015 02:57
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gently caress it, kill him again!
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Jun 1, 2015 03:01
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Next Scene!
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Jun 1, 2015 03:37
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Next Scene! Keep this train wreck a-rollin'!
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Jun 1, 2015 18:53
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All of a sudden I'm having flashbacks to the second to last Yorick ending we covered. Next scene!
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Jun 1, 2015 19:17
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Time to check in on Rosencrantz and Guildenstern.quote:
The people of Elsinore start acting pretty weird when Hamlet is away, it seems. Do we want to try and scope out some more of the same?
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Jun 3, 2015 23:24
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Let's continue.
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Jun 3, 2015 23:30
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I am super-disappointed that, when left alone, Rosencratz and Guildenstern do not start doing Rozencratz and Guildenstern Are Dead.
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Jun 3, 2015 23:36
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Next scene!
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Jun 3, 2015 23:52
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D3m3 posted:I am super-disappointed that, when left alone, Rosencratz and Guildenstern do not start doing Rozencratz and Guildenstern Are Dead. Do you think Ryan North really wants to remind people of how inferior he is to Tom Stoppard? Although this book has evened out somewhat, and not been quite as terrible as it seemed. Voting IV.v
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Jun 4, 2015 07:09
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Kangra posted:Although this book has evened out somewhat, and not been quite as terrible as it seemed. It's pretty good on this character branch. I feel like he had more fun with Ophelia than Hamlet.
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Jun 4, 2015 07:19
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Let's go to Act 4, Scene 5, but we should hopefully be killin' a fool soon ...
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Jun 4, 2015 18:25
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Cowboy Otis posted:Let's go to Act 4, Scene 5, but we should hopefully be killin' a fool soon ... Screw that, we're going to see what happens if Hamlet disappears for the whole play. Hopefully it will bust a hole in the temporal fabric of the universe again.
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Jun 4, 2015 19:04
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Let's go and find out what Horatio does all day.quote:
We've had enough of this strange, sad castle. Maybe it really was for the best that the play ended with everybody dead. quote:
Took a little while longer, but Claudius is dead again and Ophelia and Porkchop will live happily ever after. As a note, if the game is started from a checkpoint, the endgame stats for things such as choices made don't reflect the decisions that led up to that checkpoint. To get the listing above, I started all the way from the beginning. Our map has been updated!  We're out of lives again, and that means we're going to put our next path to a vote. Our list of choices is rapidly growing; to name a few:
Since every remaining choice in Poor Yorick is going to result in Yorick getting killed, we're not even going to divert to his story. Instead, we'll just hold a second vote on how to see him die. 
Our map is starting to fill out. Hamlet's choices are packed very tightly compared to Hamlet Sr.'s and Ophelia's, however. Porkchop has his moments.
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Jun 5, 2015 03:58
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Dialing 1 for Ophelia and 2 for Yorick.
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Jun 5, 2015 10:08
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Ignatius M. Meen posted:Screw that, we're going to see what happens if Hamlet disappears for the whole play. Hopefully it will bust a hole in the temporal fabric of the universe again. Oh man, good point! Anyway, I think Option 1 for Ophelia and Option 10 for Yorick.
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Jun 5, 2015 16:22
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Option 1 for Claudius Option 2 for Yorrick
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Jun 6, 2015 10:58
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Ol' Yorick is a stylish and daring fellow, and Kid Hamlet needs to be taught that even as a prince, he can't always get everything he wants. He asked for a good nickname, but he's going to be called "Li'l Hamster" instead. That'll teach him!quote:“I AM NOT A CREPUSCULAR RODENT” he shouts, tears in his eyes, while nevertheless adorably stumbling over the pronunciation of “crepuscular”. You’re impressed that this kid knows a word meaning “active primarily during dawn and dusk” and further impressed at how I worked the definition so seamlessly into the story, so even if you didn’t know what the word meant, that’s not a problem now! It looks like giving Kid Hamlet the nickname of Li'l Hamster destroys his future as effectively as does nicknaming him Porkchop Weebottoms. Who knew? It also looks as though it's time for Claudius to partake of the fantastic choose-your-own-adventure novel The Murder of Gonzago. It has its own cover, and we get an achievement for reading it! quote:
The background and stylesheet have both changed! Sometimes the text box style switches back to normal, indicating King Claudius's own observations and actions as he reads The Murder of Gonzago. It gets confusing, so I'm taking measures to distinguish the two narratives from each other. It looks as though King Claudius is letting the first decision in The Murder of Gonzago fall to his courtiers. How would they have him proceed in this CYOA-within-a-CYOA? Infoblurb posted:Andrew Hussie once traded credit cards with the author. He burned through so much of Shakespeare's dough before the clueless bard could figure out what a credit card even WAS. The dude never recovered financially. His Gonzago cover was inked by Rachel Rocklin and coloured by Shad Andrews. Pittsburgh Lambic fucked around with this message at 23:38 on Jun 8, 2015 |
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Jun 8, 2015 23:31
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Killing humans is boring, let's kill some skeletons 
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Jun 9, 2015 01:12
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Spooky, scary skeletons send shivers down your spine Shrieking skulls will shock your soul Seal your doom tonight
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Jun 9, 2015 02:23
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Find Yorick's skull and kill it again.
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Jun 9, 2015 03:14
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That's a pretty great cover. That which is dead cannot die. Or can it? Let's test this out.
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Jun 9, 2015 09:11
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i haven't played the hamlet book game but i'm going to assume that it's good and fun and that ryan north is a nice guy to hang out with
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Jun 10, 2015 08:36
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I'm pretty sure that if this game has taught us anything, it's that not participating in the plot as foreshadowed by title is a quick ride to nowhere. So let's murder Gonzago.
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Jun 10, 2015 23:47
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Claudius lowered the book down, inclining his head toward the assembly. "How shall Battlelord Pete proceed? All present in the court are thus invited to make thy voices heard in this important decision." A low grumble roamed among the courtiers. Many of them had spent the past weeks watching Claudius systematically appropriate all of their duties and responsibilities to himself. The new King had proven all to eager to insert himself into every detail of the Danish government, taking the reins away from the experienced and applying his own questionable judgment to every matter that arose. This is what they were reduced to -- voting together on how Claudius was to entertain himself with a choose-your-own-adventure novel. A single resentful whisper hissed from among the courtiers -- "Justify this court's existence, you little beast" -- and nobody bothered to single the traitor out. Elsewhere in the courtroom, a man cleared his throat and rose to his feet. The Austrian ambassador, Adolph von Steuben, would be the first to answer the King's request for feedback on the navigation of his Highness's gamebook. "If I may, your Majesty," he began, "We in Austria are quite familiar with the killing of humans and find it to be rather boring. I therefore request that your Highness partake in the killing of skeletons instead." A murmur rippled through the court, many heads turning to stare at the ambassador as he seated himself again. Even Hamlet was eyeing him quizzically from his spot behind Claudius's throne. The court fell silent, however, when the chiming of bells sounded from one of the windows. It was the jester Ignatius reclining in the sill, shaking his bauble toward the court in time with some strange, sibilant ballad about skeletons and bones and skulls and whatnot. Claudius sighed and held up his scepter, rapping the base of it against the arm of his throne as a gesture for silence. "Your opinion is appreciated, good Ignatius," he groaned, shaking his head. He really did miss poor Yorick; every replacement they had found for him had proven rather talentless, each in his own dreadful way. The next demand seemed to answer Claudius's very train of thought: "Find Yorick's skull, and kill it again!" It was Brother Kyle, an old monk who volunteered his time assisting Polonius in the custodial affairs of Elsinore. He was answered by a couple of boos from some of the older courtiers. Yorick was still a fond memory to much of the court, except for Brother Kyle; heaven only knew what kind of cleaning up the old friar had had to do during Yorick's reign of endless pranks and antics. Claudius winced, but nodded, promising under his breath that Brother Kyle's position would be taken into consideration. Slowly, one of the courtiers stood up among the crowd. It was the venerable Xarbala, the late King Hamlet's favorite painter. He appeared to have suffered a fair deal under the new King; his expression was exhausted and sad as he spoke. "That which is dead... cannot die. Or, perhaps, can it? Let us test this out, your Highness." He finished with an overly deep bow toward the King, a scowl wrinkling his face when it was hidden from the King's view. He straightened again and suddenly began to speak quickly: "I must say, Majesty, the cover of that book is most pleasing to behold. Shall I create a tapestry of it?" Claudius raised an eyebrow at him, answering, "I'll consider it." Xarbala growled as he slumped back into his seat. Claudius frowned; he had hoped that such a fine specimen of artistic talent would not shirk away so violently from a few... special requests for paintings of certain scenes for the King's private collection. Couldn't a man be just a little bit open-minded? All was silent for a moment, until a loud snoring sound was heard near to Gertrude's seat. It was the royal astronomer -- what was her name again? -- who had very obviously not wanted to come, particularly after spending all night up on a platform with her look-glass and broadsheets. She had finally slumped forward and dozed off, and was mumbling something in her sleep about a Hamlet book game and a guy named Ryan. Claudius rolled his eyes, and almost sent for Polonius to gather the sleeping woman up and dump her in a corridor somewhere, but stayed himself. Beside the sleeping astronomer was a spectacled man, who raised a bony hand into the air, stammering. The royal mathematician Glazius struggled timidly for the King's attention, hesitating as he leaned up out of his chair. "I-i-if I may speak, s-sire, I'm... certain that not participating in t-t-the plot as fore...shadowed by the book's title -- being about murdering a brother, not about murdering skeletons, which was not mentioned in the title at all -- will lead to l-loss and f-f-failure." He collapsed back into his chair quickly, letting out a huff and fidgeting with his robe. The King waved Glazius's words away quickly, raising his book up out of his lap as he announced in a booming voice: "It is settled then, members of the court: Battlelord Pete shall slay skeletons!" A smattering of applause echoed across the stone walls of the court. Claudius thumbed through the pages until he reached the right reference number, and began to read aloud. quote:
That's a lot of mad skellies in the background. How is Battlelord Pete going to get rid of this first one? Pittsburgh Lambic fucked around with this message at 03:24 on Jun 11, 2015 |
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Jun 11, 2015 02:52
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Let's AXE him a question.
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Jun 11, 2015 02:53
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Axe-ing him a question sounds like a good time.
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Jun 11, 2015 02:58
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AXE him if he thinks we should have murdered Gonzago.
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Jun 11, 2015 16:00
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There was less debate this time around. A few courtiers repeated the pun loudly in the King's direction, and the rest sat silent, waiting for Claudius to get on with the story. He complied soon enough.quote:
Claudius is making quite the fool of himself, reading all this out to the royal court with a straight face. Will he seek more skeleton-killing puns, or will he take the story in a different direction?
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Jun 13, 2015 01:52
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This trespass cannot be tolerated! Take the fight to the Skeleton Homeland!
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Jun 13, 2015 02:12
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We will pun-t that head all the way to the Skeleton Homeland!
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Jun 13, 2015 02:19
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There's a Skeleton Homeland? Not for long!
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Jun 13, 2015 02:58
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Sketeton Homeland
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Jun 13, 2015 08:55
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It's no fun if we're not actually harming them. Go home to your family.
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Jun 13, 2015 17:31
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To Be or Not to Be is -33% off right now.
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Jun 13, 2015 17:57
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Loud whoops arose from several members of the court upon the prospect of invading the Skeleton Homeland. Only Brother Kyle's voice rang against the tide: "It's no fun if we're not actually harming them! Let Battlelord Pete return to his family and--" "Harm them instead?" Inquired Ignatius, still snickering about puns and punting. Brother Kyle grimaced, fanning the air with his breviary as though the air had been suddenly assaulted with flatus. Claudius scowled at the old monk, clearing his throat and speaking sternly as though over a group of quarreling children. "If my good courtiers are done, I believe it is time for the Battlelord to begin his invasion. Moving on--" He found the reference quickly and began to read. quote:
Claudius's brow furrowed as he examined the next page after the text abruptly ended. "Really? That's the ending? No illustration of Battlelord Pete's glorious stand? What kind of a--" and the next sound from him was a sudden, gurgled cry. His hand went to his chest, clutching suddenly at his heart, but his eyes were already frozen in shock, his body tipping forward out of the throne. The King of Denmark was already stiff as stone in a seated position as he dropped to the floor and went rolling down the steps, The Murder of Gonzago still clutched in his cooling hands, held open and turned to the page he had only just been scrutinizing. It was completely black, save for the words "THE END" written upon it, and as the King's hunched body tumbled over and over, the page was displayed to every corner of the room. Not one soul in the Court had their eyes averted either as their King fell dead before them, his face still twisted into a look of surprise and disappointment at the emptiness of the ending he had encountered. That ending page was the last thing the court of Elsinore would ever see. As surely as if it were the visage of Medusa, every pair of eyes that found the book's ending page was struck dead. A brief moment passed, and near a hundred bodies came crashing to the floor, some out of seats, some out of thrones, some tipping over like dominos where they stood. Only two people remained upright in the court: Hamlet's lifeless body drooping over the back of Claudius's throne, and the Royal Astronomer, who was still reclined in her seat, snoring loudly. ... Our map has been updated! 
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Jun 20, 2015 01:28
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Claudius uses a 1-up! He has one remaining. Brother Kyle wouldn't cease his complaints about the direction that The Murder of Gonzago was turning. There was no point in killing skeletons if you weren't actually killing them! He needed blood! Yes, blood! Blood for the blood god! Claudius stared at him long and hard. Slowly, he rose from his throne and descended the steps, crossing the room to Brother Kyle, and pushed the book into his hands. The King took a step back, his arms folded, looking at his subject expectantly. The old monk stared back at him, face white as a sheet. Chuckles sounded from multiple corners of the room, echoing in Kyle's ears as his face lowered to the open book in his hands, mortified. Then, he nodded, fingers shakily fumbling across the pages until he found the reference in which Battlelord Pete returned to his family without slaying any more skeletons. quote:
"What?" Claudius snapped at him. Brother Kyle had become increasingly animated and passionate as he read aloud to the court, absorbed in the subject matter to the point that the final "SURPRISE!" had come as a rousing shout, answered by a spontaneous roar of genuine laughter from the court. Brother Kyle looked back up at Claudius. "Yes, sire?" "The ending. Is there an illustration that the court should see?" The King continued. "Oh, y-yes, of course," the Brother answered, quickly looking down at the book again. "It should be on the next page..." He moistened a finger and pressed it to the corner of the page, turning it over and finding nothing but an expanse of black and the words, "THE END." Brother Kyle wrinkled his brow, looking up from his book. "All it has is--" And then with a twitch and a sudden gurgle, his body was stiff as stone, keeling forward and crashing into the King of Denmark suddenly enough to bowl him over. Claudius had always been a gaunt, twisted little worm of a man. Brother Kyle's weight was easily triple that of his King, a large, portly fellow even in his advanced age. King Claudius was crushed against the stone floor in an instant by the monk's dead body, with The Murder of Gonzago and its hundreds of endings pressed right down into his tall, narrow face. A loud crunch sounded from beneath the volume, and the Crown of Denmark came rolling out from underneath it, bent into an oval and missing a few gems. The two lay there, the book and the King hidden completely from sight by Brother Kyle's massive carcass. No one in the Court stirred from their seats; all were silent, eyes wide with horror. The King of Denmark was dead -- again -- in another tragic accident, just like the one that had befallen poor Carl Hamlet. The first words to break the silence were an off-color reference to gay sex. They came from a window in the corner of the room, where the jester Ignatius lay relaxed across the sill, snickering at the sight of one man on top of another. No one said a word in reply. The only person to respond was Hamlet, who calmly rose from his spot behind the empty throne, walked over to Ignatius, and with a single solid kick sent him flying out the window. Hamlet's words were a low, disdainful mutter as the screaming faded and ended with a loud splash from several stories below: "And flights of angels sing thee to thy rest." Our map has been updated. 
Pittsburgh Lambic fucked around with this message at 01:35 on Jun 20, 2015 |
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Jun 20, 2015 01:28
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Claudius uses his last 1-up! "Apologies to the court, but I do believe our fair nation has had enough puns for one day. Let us instead only carve the skeleton into pieces." Claudius looked out across the court, stoic in the face of the disappointed murmurings. Then, he turned to the book once again, taking the option that nobody had voted for. quote:
Claudius started slightly at the second option. Hamlet inclined his head, uncrossing his legs behind the throne. This could get interesting, though the choice of options did seem a bit lacking to the King. Spent the last week moving to a new apartment in a new state, in preparation for a new job. Updates might continue to be slow if the new work keeps me as busy as I'm expecting it to.
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Jun 20, 2015 01:30
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Well. Let's... let's do the thing that probably won't kill us. Let's murder Gonzago.
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Jun 20, 2015 22:16
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