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Jim breaks into Dwight's house while he, Jim, is at work. Dwight sighs as he looks at Jim’s torso, with his neck and one arm stretched impossibly far out the door, down the street, and all the way to Shrute Farms. He, Jim, has been abusing his new elastic powers for a week now.
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May 8, 2022 22:54
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| # ? May 31, 2024 17:19 |
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Jim breaks into Dwight's house while he, Jim, is at work. Jim self immolates, burning down the house in the ensuing fire. Jim's charred skeleton mugs for the camera.
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May 8, 2022 23:24
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Dark Lord Dwight, nearly skeletal and dressed all in black, stands behind his throne of staplers in a sea of both darkness and flame. Perched on the throne, wearing only red tennis shoes, and his face locked in a horrific rictus display of anger, is Chips. Ferociously squatting on his reaking clutch of Dwight Eggs. "Geez, these Dr. Strange cameos are really getting out of hand" thinks Jim, mugging eternally. Caught between threads of the multiverse.
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May 8, 2022 23:37
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Jim breaks into the Met gala while he, Dwight, is at work. (Dwight is working extra shifts as a security guard for the Met gala following the notoriety he achieved by single-handedly stopping a group of Neo-Nazis from harassing a woman entering a Planned Parenthood ("Just in the right place at the right time," he said humbly)). Jim is able to con his way past the front door by wearing a perfect Elon Musk disguise that is indistinguishable from the real thing (Jim took a bunch of uppers and dressed in a Waluigi costume). Once inside, Jim makes his way to the bathroom. He strips off his disguise until he is completely naked, except for a pair of red tennis shoes ("Heh, talk about Sega beating Nintendo," says Jim, still jittery from the uppers he used to get in), and begins to plug every toilet and sink drain with his discarded clothes. Flushing the toilets and turning on the sinks, Jim starts to flood the bathroom. His plan to cause a distraction and then steal all the art from the Met is going perfectly so far. Jim casually strolls out of the bathroom, hoping to get closer to the air ducts before the flooding gets noticed. About three seconds after stepping back out into the gala, a woman notices Jim and starts to scream. His skeletal-thin frame and translucent, mole-rat skin, not to mention his full nudity, make him an obvious and grotesque sight. Soon the entire gala has erupted into consternation and confusion. Seven guards and Dwight run up and grab Jim, wrestling him to the ground. The bathroom flood starts to trickle out, and the backed-up sewage floats around Jim's face as he kicks and screams. Finally, some of the guards start to smack Jim with nightsticks, while Dwight pulls out his tazer and blasts Jim with 50,000 volts. Jim loses all control of his muscles and collapses back into the flooding sewage, helpless and surrounded by eight guards, his "heist" now hopelessly a shambles. "Heh, talk about an Oceans Eight, am I right?" he says, although his words are extremely slurred by electric shocks.
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May 9, 2022 00:28
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poisonpill posted:Jim breaks into the Met gala while he, Dwight, is at work. (Dwight is working extra shifts as a security guard for the Met gala following the notoriety he achieved by single-handedly stopping a group of Neo-Nazis from harassing a woman entering a Planned Parenthood ("Just in the right place at the right time," he said humbly)). Jim is able to con his way past the front door by wearing a perfect Elon Musk disguise that is indistinguishable from the real thing (Jim took a bunch of uppers and dressed in a Waluigi costume). "Well, what did you think?" asks John Krasinski excitedly, as Greg Daniels flips the last page of John's spec script. "Did you like the part about the heist? Greg looks frankly concerned and under strain. He mentally runs through deescalation techniques that he learned from his therapist for dealing with unhinged persons. John doesn't even notice. He, John, is looking off into the distance, speaking to himself, a look of smug self-satisfaction mixing unpleasantly with arrogance and cruel spite. "This will teach Anna for refusing to invite me to the Met Gala again this year. She invited me last year and then took it away! I'll show her. I'll show them all."
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May 9, 2022 00:33
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I keep meaning to rewatch The Office, but there's no way it's ever to going to live up to this thread.
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May 9, 2022 01:58
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Serge Painsbourg posted:I keep meaning to rewatch The Office, but there's no way it's ever to going to live up to this thread. After this thread I have learned to appreciate and cherish Dwight.
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May 9, 2022 02:21
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I sometimes think about this thread and feel sad that I'll never be able to write a script or sell a story or even see anything close to this on TV. Anyone who submitted this thread to an agent would be blackballed out of Los Angeles forever
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May 9, 2022 02:24
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poisonpill posted:I sometimes think about this thread and feel sad that I'll never be able to write a script or sell a story or even see anything close to this on TV. Anyone who submitted this thread to an agent would be blackballed out of Los Angeles forever Somebody should at least be able to send a link to Stephen Colbert or Jimmy Kimmel or something so they can read off choice pranks to John Krazinsky or Rainn Wilson next time they have them on and watch their reaction.
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May 9, 2022 02:26
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I just want to hear them react to the Dwayt Al Shrood story at least.
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May 9, 2022 02:27
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jim kidnaps dwight, and forces him to choose between executing angela or setting his beet farm ablaze
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May 9, 2022 02:28
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Applewhite posted:Somebody should at least be able to send a link to Stephen Colbert or Jimmy Kimmel or something so they can read off choice pranks to John Krazinsky or Rainn Wilson next time they have them on and watch their reaction. I imagine him listening to it like this  And the frown just keeps getting bigger and bigger
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May 9, 2022 02:30
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WorldsStongestNerd posted:As Dwight absent mindedly reaches for his stapler, he's startled by a feeling of cold dampness. He looks and sees that his stapler is encased in jello. He turns to roll his eyes at Jim, who is goblet-ing for the camera.
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May 9, 2022 02:42
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Jim shows up to work in a Zorb, an inflatable plastic ball, but not the big kind you can roll around in, the small kind only as large as his torso so his legs stick out the bottom. "It's so I can poop on Dwight's desk but I'm safe from his punches," explains Jim on confession cam.
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May 9, 2022 02:56
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Jim vows to go "all out" because he "wants to fet cancelled." Dwight points out that if Jim is cancelled he won't have any camera crew to mug for any more. Jim smirks smugly at the camera but his smirk falters and he actually gets some work done that day for a change.
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May 9, 2022 05:34
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for fucks sake posted:Jim breaks into Dwight's house while he, Jim, is at work. 
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May 9, 2022 06:36
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No one knows how it escalated that Thursday, but everyone remembers the moment. Jim was walking out of the breakroom and Dwight grabbed him by his arm, stared him in the eyes, and made a loud proclamation: "Just so we're clear... I'm not sitting through another mandatory sensitivity training session because of one of your pranks. You know why? Because if I see you walk through the doors at Red Lobster tomorrow night, I'll be sitting in a jail cell for the next 20 years for killing you!" The memorial photo of Jim that was put up on Monday morning mugs agelessly to the camera.
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May 9, 2022 07:02
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Jim stands in front of a broken mirror in the silent Halpert House. He stares at himself, stares through himself, stares at the endless void that lurks behind his eyes. Today is the day, he thinks. Today is the day my pranks reach the next level. Dwight won't know what hit him, society won't know. This is going to usher in an entirely new generation, a new world, a terrifying reality. Jim smiles. Yes, he thinks, today is the dawning of a new nightmare for everyone. He smashes a fist against the mirror again and again until tiny shards of glass are embedded in his hands. He stares at his hands for a long time, then silently leaves the house. The pale rider heads towards Dunder Mifflin, death is coming in wrinkled khakis. Jim enters the front door and Dwight greets him with a cordial "good morning, Jim". "BAD MORNING, DWIGHT!" Jim laughs so hard that the sides of his mouth begins to split. He pounds his fists on the ground and starts kicking his legs like a child having a tantrum. "BAD MORNING TO YOU ALL! AHAHAHAHAHA!" Tears filling his eyes, Jim lays content on the floor. The new era begins now, an era of BAD MORNINGS. God help you all, Jim thinks, you'll never survive.
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May 9, 2022 13:55
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poisonpill posted:I sometimes think about this thread and feel sad that I'll never be able to write a script or sell a story or even see anything close to this on TV. Anyone who submitted this thread to an agent would be blackballed out of Los Angeles forever Wait, none of you are getting emails from "SexyJim69forpranks@aol.com" asking you to submit prank ideas?
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May 9, 2022 14:06
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A Fancy Hat posted:Jim stands in front of a broken mirror in the silent Halpert House. He stares at himself, stares through himself, stares at the endless void that lurks behind his eyes. drat, Bad Morning Jim is p twisted.....
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May 9, 2022 14:17
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Ever since Jim changed his manner of dress - he begins showing up to work wearing a long black trench coat - and his taste in music - he begins listening to dangerous music like Nine Inch Nails and Marilyn Manson - Dwight is increasingly worried. As a good Christian, Dwight is always on the look out for danger from nonbelievers. Things come to a head when Dwight finds a list of employee names on Jim’s desk. Fearing the worst, Dwight contacts the Scranton Police Department and shares his suspicion that Jim is planning a mass shooting. After hearing about Jims taste in music and violent video games, the SPD organize a SWAT raid of Jim’s home. As a volunteer sheriff Dwight is invited to accompany them. After raiding his home and killing his dog the police find nothing. At the same moment across town Andy shows up at the office and murders Phyllis and Toby before taking his own life.
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May 9, 2022 14:54
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Jim shows Dwight the next big thing
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May 9, 2022 14:55
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Jim replaces the batteries in Dwight’s mouse with rat poison.
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May 9, 2022 14:57
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Jim convinces Dwight not to get the shingles vaccine and later gives him shingles.
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May 9, 2022 14:58
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Jim cyberbullies Dwight into committing suicide.
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May 9, 2022 15:16
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Dwight steps into the conference room to get it ready for Kelly's birthday party. He stops short as he realizes Jim is sitting in here, alone, in the dark, with the blinds closed. He's eating bowl after bowl of mac 'n cheese, and his stomach is horrifically distended. Jim's classic unkempt shirt and tie are burst open, and Jim's translucent, mole rat-like skin is quivering like jelly with each bite. Or, maybe, like jello. "Wh-? What's going on in here, Jim?" Jim looks at Dwight with tears in his eyes. "I'm working, Dwight." Dwight steps involuntarily back. "Working? You're in here eating macaroni." Jim shuts his eyes. "This is my job now, Dwight. Making Tiny Jims. I have to make more Tiny Jims." Jim's stomach starts to tear and burst, and hundreds of Tiny Jims pop out, running in every direction and shrieking incoherently. Dwight has just a moment to wonder where they got their red tennis shoes before he turns and flees.
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May 9, 2022 15:35
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After 47 straight months of Jim constantly saying "Bad morning" to him, Dwight acknowledges that it is, indeed, a pretty bad morning. It's been raining, someone smashed one of Dunder Mifflin's windows and Dwight and Michael are desperately trying to find a glazier to repair it (Made all the more difficult by Michael asking for a 'glacier'), and the men's room toilets are all overflowing. Good, thinks Jim, the seed has been planted. A tiny bit of Jim begins growing deep within Dwight's psyche, budding like some diseased rose. Jim giggles to himself, then mugs for the camera.
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May 9, 2022 15:51
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Jim buys an experimental jetpack and uses it to rocket around Scranton. He makes a special point to hover over Schrute Farms, staring at Dwight through his bathroom window. Dwight installs a new curtain, enraging the airborne Jim. The next day, Jim flies around Scranton like he normally does, then heads for Schrute Farms. This time, however, he has a full bladder. Jim begins urinating on Dwight's roof. Unfortunately for Jim, the experimental jetpack was created by Tesla and personally overseen by Elon Musk. As Jim's bladder empties, the jetpack attempts to compensate for the lost weight but completely glitches out, rocketing Jim into the stratosphere. "Talk about getting high!" screams Jim as he begins to suffocate from the lack of oxygen. The jetpack then dumps its entire fuel supply (this was personally programmed by Elon Musk since he said it would prevent explosions in an accident) and Jim falls to Earth, smashing into the ground at terminal velocity just outside of Dwight's property. For the next 5 months, Dwight has to deal with executives from Tesla constantly hanging around, trying to investigate the cause of Jim's death. At one point Dwight catches Elon Musk inside the beet silo and Dwight is forced to shoo him away. The next day Elon calls Dwight a pedophile on twitter. Jim's skeleton, which is buried under several feet of soft ground from the force of his impact, grins for the camera.
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May 9, 2022 16:11
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Jim shows up to work driving a brand new Tesla Model 3. For the rest of the day he loudly interrupts every conversation to talk about how he’s a hero for saving the environment and everyone else is killing the Earth with their gas guzzling cars. Later that day the cars autopilot malfunctions and runs over Meredith.
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May 9, 2022 16:19
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Dwight comes to work one Monday and finds that Dunder Mifflin has been bought by Elon Musk for $42,069 and taken private. He has fired Michael and holds a conference for all the workers. Elon is dressed as Waluigi and makes clear that he's going to immediately fire five people and will expect that all the remaining workers display "an extreme work effort (but of course less than I expect of myself)" or else they will be terminated. He will also be cutting the pay of all sales staff in half, but "expects that the unlimited growth potential in clown paper" means that everyone will soon be millionaires. Dwight, Stanley, Phyllis and Andy quit on the spot. Jim, who has once again snuck in late and has no idea what's going on, is immediately promoted to Chief Clown Paper Mover Dude. Although the entire company collapses several months later, Jim is able to leverage his impressive-sounding job with a high-flying "tech company" into a lucrative do-nothing consulting position.
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May 9, 2022 16:19
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Jim alters the course of primate evolution to cause humans to treat the showing of teeth as a gesture of friendliness or amusement rather than a threat. All human skulls grin to all human observers.
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May 9, 2022 16:56
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Jim and Dwight are carpooling to a meeting with a client. Dwight insists on sitting behind Jim, because "the driver always protects their side" instinctively during a crash. Jim intentionally plows the car at 80 MPH directly under a semi truck trailer, sloughing off the top of his Jetta and decapitating himself and Dwight. Jim's head rolls three hundred feet and stops with a rictus grin on its face, pointing directly at a nearby surveillance camera.
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May 9, 2022 17:09
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Jim shows up to work dressed like a scarecrow, complete with a burlap sack over his head. He sits at his desk and starts typing away, not acknowledging his outfit. Dwight, hoping to make it through the day without incident, also ignores Jim. For the rest of the week, Jim shows up in the exact same outfit. Finally, Toby speaks to him, saying that the burlap mask with a crudely drawn mug is disturbing some employees. Jim removes the sack, leaving only a few fistfuls of straw in its place. The scarecrow collapses to the ground, lifeless, with bits of straw spilling out. Toby cautiously pokes it with his foot and it doesn't move. It's just a scarecrow. Dwight is about to say something when a bunch of crows burst through the window and start attacking everyone. The burlap sack that served as the face of the Jim-thing mugs for the camera.
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May 9, 2022 17:12
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"If I only had a brain..." thinks Jim. ...however as a zombie he's already eaten them. All of them. And yet still hungers. His straw teeth glisten for the camera
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May 9, 2022 17:51
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Jim becomes a Dadaist and removes all underlying meaning from his life, even his pranks. Jim throws a flowerpot at Dwight's head, but it bursts into a swarm of butterflies before it hits Dwight's head. When Dwight comments on how beautiful the butterflies are, Jim starts dancing. "Well, Dwight, happy Friday!" Jim is now the camera and we are mugging at him.
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May 9, 2022 18:05
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As they're leaving for the day, Michael offers Dwight a good day. "BAD-bye!" says Dwight, with a smirk. Dwight stops for a moment. Why did he say that? Behind him, mugging the camera, Jim watches with satisfaction.
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May 9, 2022 18:30
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Jim enters the office wearing green makeup and a pointy hat, and starts chanting "Fly my pretties, Fly!". After a while, Dwight gets fed up with the noise and tosses a cup of water on Jim, which then promptly melts into a puddle ("How's that for wetting the bed", Jim quips). After a beat or two, the office is invaded by an army of flying monkeys which then rip Dwight's face off. Dwight's grinning skeleton mugs for the camera.
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May 9, 2022 18:38
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Dwight's farm and house are hit by a 69 lb. meteor that slammed into the Earth at precisely 4:20 in the afternoon. Jim looks suspiciously smirky. He's inexplicably wearing black robes and a wizard hat, and high-fiving Elon (dressed as Waluigi).
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May 9, 2022 18:40
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Jim creates a new animated series - Farty McPoopButt's Cartoon Spectacular. Comedy Central greenlights the show for 3 seasons before Jim even produces a single minute of animation, giving Jim a 3 million dollars per episode budget. Jim spends most of the money on pranking items, producing 12 episodes of his show for roughly $300 over the course of a single sugar-filled weekend. Farty McPoopButt's Cartoon Spectacular, commonly abbreviated as FMPBCS, debuts to rave reviews. It's hailed as a surrealist masterpiece and Comedy Central has their largest hit ever. Jim is able to create even more insane pranks with the profits from the show, given the fact that he produces the entire show by himself. After transforming Dwight into pure light ("talk about being light-headed!") and launching him through a giant crystal to split him into dozens of different Dwights, Jim mugs for the camera. "Hey Dwight, or should I say DwightS!??!? How's that spec script you're working on, fucko?" The Dwights blush, realizing that they'll most likely never sell the script for their hard Sci-Fi TV drama while Jim's insane ramblings have become the most popular show in TV history.
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May 9, 2022 18:45
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| # ? May 31, 2024 17:19 |
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Jim overthrows Michael as Regional Manager and instates himself as the true Regional Manager. He, Jim, divides Dunder Mifflin into 43 sections and vows to destroy one per year on the anniversary of his coronation. His first target is Section 29, Dwight's desk. Jim blasts a small wave of energy from his finger and the desk explodes. Meredith has to go to the hospital.
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May 9, 2022 18:56
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