r/relationships: I have nothing against this baby.

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > r/relationships: I have nothing against this baby.

Captain Hygiene: Sep 17, 2007; You mess with the crabbo...

MK-Ultramarathon posted:

WIBTA if I don't do the dishes for a week?

I am loving insane about dishes (I think I got it from my mother, both she and I have Dishwashing Opinions) and even I wouldn't pitch a fit about this. He had to leave in the morning, maybe he was in a rush because he was afraid to be late?

Yeah, that's a little rude depending on the circumstances but it's a tiny relationship thing that they've now spent more time crying to reddit over than it would take to just clean it up. Like, get real mad about it if he's just chronically dumping every mess on you, but they don't even hint at that.

# ? Oct 17, 2022 19:19

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# ? May 29, 2024 22:49

Pookah: Aug 21, 2008; 🪶Caw🪶

That to me is down to patterns of behaviour. If the boyfriend is normally good about cleaning, and leaving dishes is a big outlier, then OK, wash up.

If he has a pattern of leaving messes for his gf to tidy then yeet that fucker out of a window.
The edge case is that he has been decent while they were dating and is now pushing her to clean up after him once their relationship is more established.
Watch for a week or two, and if he is dodging cleaning jobs in favour of leaving leaving them for her to do, then fling him away like a mouldy old peach.

# ? Oct 17, 2022 19:20

Van Kraken: Feb 13, 2012

BigHead posted:

If someone sneaks a recovering alcoholic booze - particularly if that person knew the other person is a recovering alcoholic - then that is an upsetting situation. Being upset is an appropriate response to it. I'm sitting here staring at this post as I type it, trying to figure out the right words to describe how I would react if someone tried that with me and my family. I would be extremely, extremely pissed. Anyone who even hinted at doing that would go on my list of people we would never, ever trust. Don't gently caress around with someone's fatal medical illness.

Iirc with the story people are remembering, it wasn�t something egregious like a rum cake, it was some sauce that involved deglazing a pan with wine

# ? Oct 17, 2022 19:25

DemoneeHo: Nov 9, 2017; Come on hee-ho, just give us 300 more macca

OP clarifies that neither of them force the other to do any cleaning and that her bf just plain old forgot about the dishes this time. If she just left them unwashed for a week out of spite, that would be an over-the-top passive aggressive response. But OP calmed down and realized that she was being petty, and will clean the dishes. 'cause you know, sometimes you do little favors for the ones you love.

Crisis averted, but she could have spared herself some pain by not posting about it to reddit.

also,

Das Boo posted:

r/relationships: She took it as a personal attack, which it was

# ? Oct 17, 2022 19:28

Pookah: Aug 21, 2008; 🪶Caw🪶

Van Kraken posted:

Iirc with the story people are remembering, it wasn’t something egregious like a rum cake, it was some sauce that involved deglazing a pan with wine

If I recall correctly, unless a recipe involves many, many hours of cooking, virtually none of the alcohol used in a recipe is cooked off. If you're just finishing a sauce off with some wine, then the majority of the alcohol in that wine is going to be in that dish.

# ? Oct 17, 2022 19:32

Bubblyblubber: Nov 17, 2014

This is the wine deglazing story, no dramatic wagon falling in this one. But I do recall another story that had an alcoholic using one event like that as the reason they went off the rails, I just can't seem to find the right word combo for searching that one.

AITA for deglazing my skillet with white wine when making dinner for an ex-alcoholic?

quote:

My husband and I have known Jessica since college (about 10 years), and her husband Tim since they met (about 5 years), so we're really good friends. When they started dating, Tim was still drinking alcohol. He didn't drink it to the point of loving up his life, but he would drink almost every day, and it started to affect his health, so 3 years ago he stopped drinking all together.

Anyway, we all had dinner at our place, and while my husband and I were in the kitchen, putting dishes away and taking out dessert, Jessica came to help us. On the counter, she saw a bottle of white wine, looked a bit confused and asked "didn't you have red wine at dinner?" (Tim told us ages ago that he doesn't mind if we have alcoholic drinks in his company). I said that we did, I just used a bit of white wine to deglaze my skillet while cooking. She immediately started shouting stuff like what the gently caress is the matter with me, putting wine in an alcoholic's dinner.

I said I used the tiniest amount and the heat was so high that the alcohol evaporated. She wouldn't stop shouting, so her husband came to the kitchen as well, and she told him what happened. He seemed confused so I asked him if he'd tasted any alcohol in the dinner, and he said no. Jessica said it doesn't matter that he didn't taste it, it was still there. In the end, they left.

I texted her the next day to say I was sorry, and that I didn't realize it would be such a problem since you can't actually taste it, but that in the future, I won't use wine when cooking. She texted me that her husband felt sick after dinner and she doubts they will be coming over to our place again. That was the last thing she told me. My husband thinks she might be lying about Tim being sick because he thinks we'd already had the same dinner once before, but neither one of us can remember. Regardless of that, we're not sure if it was an rear end in a top hat thing to use wine when cooking for someone who is sober.

# ? Oct 17, 2022 19:38

Das Boo: Jun 9, 2011; There was a GHOST here.
It's gone now.

God, one time I had a friend over for dinner and my mom made a crock pot beef recipe that called for like, 10 oz of beer. Friend proceeded to drive home and tell her mom we got her drunk.

# ? Oct 17, 2022 19:47

mind the walrus: Sep 22, 2006

Bubblyblubber posted:

This is the wine deglazing story, no dramatic wagon falling in this one. But I do recall another story that had an alcoholic using one event like that as the reason they went off the rails, I just can't seem to find the right word combo for searching that one.

AITA for deglazing my skillet with white wine when making dinner for an ex-alcoholic?

Every time some gently caress with their head up the right wing outrage bubble starts going on about pronouns and the overpathologizing and subsequent social entitlement young people have, remember that these types of myopic fucks have existed in every age bracket. Always. They're fussy, bratty, and impossible to please unless you're catering directly to their whims. They have always existed. They have always sucked. They're just part of life.

# ? Oct 17, 2022 19:51

Motronic: Nov 6, 2009

Pookah posted:

If I recall correctly, unless a recipe involves many, many hours of cooking, virtually none of the alcohol used in a recipe is cooked off. If you're just finishing a sauce off with some wine, then the majority of the alcohol in that wine is going to be in that dish.

And the same conversation came up when this story was brought up: that's not the scenario. The pan was being deglazed. High heat, low amount of liquid, almost all of it being evaporated off in the course of deglazing the pan. That's a lot different than pouring half a bottle of wine into your gallon of pasta sauce 5 minutes before you take it off the stove.

# ? Oct 17, 2022 20:15

deported to Canada: Jun 1, 2006

If all the wines burnt off then why even bother doing it? Lot of alcoholics in denial in this thread :colbert:

But seriously wtf.

# ? Oct 17, 2022 20:41

Kenshin: Jan 10, 2007

deported to Canada posted:

If all the wines burnt off then why even bother doing it? Lot of alcoholics in denial in this thread

But seriously wtf.

The alcohol is boiled off, and wine is ~15% alcohol

# ? Oct 17, 2022 20:46

pentyne: Nov 7, 2012

The only other one I remember is the guy who would drink a 12 pack of non-alcoholic beer at work and implied that people challenging him about it were trying to threaten his sobriety.

# ? Oct 17, 2022 20:57

Fatty: Sep 13, 2004; Not really fat

Foo Diddley posted:

AITA for leaving my BF at his family party.

don't worry OP, you'll change your mind about having kids once your birth control mysteriously fails

2 years + engaged and this is the first time they're meeting family?

# ? Oct 17, 2022 21:06

deported to Canada: Jun 1, 2006

Kenshin posted:

The alcohol is boiled off, and wine is ~15% alcohol

Sure keep telling yourself that buddy. I've heard when people start hiding alcohol they have a serious problem and you are using maths to try and hide it.

# ? Oct 17, 2022 21:07

William Henry Hairytaint: Oct 29, 2011

Fatty posted:

2 years + engaged and this is the first time they're meeting family?

You don't bring your 21 year old future bangmaid home to meet the family until you're confident you've got her trapped.

# ? Oct 17, 2022 21:09

kru: Oct 5, 2003

pentyne posted:

The only other one I remember is the guy who would drink a 12 pack of non-alcoholic beer at work and implied that people challenging him about it were trying to threaten his sobriety.

I also remember this wacky adventure

# ? Oct 17, 2022 21:09

Foo Diddley: Oct 29, 2011; cat

Fatty posted:

2 years + engaged and this is the first time they're meeting family?

guy probably didn't want OP to find out that his family was "traditional" (ie, that they expect women to be property) until she had a good bit of sunk cost fallacy going on

# ? Oct 17, 2022 21:11

mind the walrus: Sep 22, 2006

I am so, so happy she took one look and trusted her gut and got tf out of there. loving read like the start to a horror movie called "Broodmare."

# ? Oct 17, 2022 21:14

WAR CRIME GIGOLO: Oct 3, 2012; The Hague
tryna get me
for these glutes

I made a gigantic shepherds pie for my wife's mother/father.

It had like a quarter of a bottle of wine in it to it during cooking the stew and baking.

She is a recovering alcohol and hasn't had a drink in 10+ years.

Did I gently caress up and she was just being nice by not saying anything?

# ? Oct 17, 2022 21:17

kru: Oct 5, 2003

WAR CRIME GIGOLO posted:

I made a gigantic shepherds pie for my wife's mother/father.

It had like a quarter of a bottle of wine in it to it during cooking the stew and baking.

She is a recovering alcohol and hasn't had a drink in 10+ years.

Did I gently caress up and she was just being nice by not saying anything?

its fine

# ? Oct 17, 2022 21:22

wheatpuppy: Apr 25, 2008; YOU HAVE MY POST!

Here are a couple of prior non-alcoholic beer stories, though I swear there was another workplace one that I can't find now.

pentyne posted:

Found some other NA beer stories

AITA for drinking a 6 pack of O'Doul's every morning?

My (25F) boyfriend (25M) has a strange obsession/addiction and it's ruining the relationship.

As other people mentioned in the past thread, trying to go sober and chugging NA beer constantly is not a healthy way to manage your behavior.

O'Douls guy is doing a lot of work in the comments to accuse others of trying to undermine him for any criticism.

He's literally looking for an excuse to start drinking again and blame his bosses/HR for it.

# ? Oct 17, 2022 21:24

StrangersInTheNight: Dec 31, 2007; ABSOLUTE FUCKING GUDGEON

Das Boo posted:

God, one time I had a friend over for dinner and my mom made a crock pot beef recipe that called for like, 10 oz of beer. Friend proceeded to drive home and tell her mom we got her drunk.

10oz of beer isn't even a whole can. 12 oz is the amount of beer in a single can.

your friend got drunk on less than a can of beer that was distributed through an entire meal and that was split among a table of adults? your friend got drink off of like 1/8 of a can of beer mixed with food? really. really?

I'm sure there's some alcohol sensitive folks out there whom might be an outlier and would get drunk from that, but to your average person, no. that should not get them drunk, unless this is a sitcom where we want to come up with a wacky situation where the alcoholic character falls off the wagon in a 'safe' manner for laughs, a la Floyd getting drunk off the Jack Daniel's fish glaze in 30 Rock.

StrangersInTheNight fucked around with this message at 21:38 on Oct 17, 2022

# ? Oct 17, 2022 21:34

Foo Diddley: Oct 29, 2011; cat

StrangersInTheNight posted:

10oz of beer isn't even a whole can. 12 oz is the amount of beer in a single can.

your friend got drunk on less than a can of beer that was distributed through an entire meal and that was split among a table of adults? your friend got drink off of like 1/8 of a can of beer? really. really?

maybe he had the other 2 ounces when no one was looking

# ? Oct 17, 2022 21:37

Larry Cum Free: Jun 3, 2022; move it or lose it dillweed

pentyne posted:

The only other one I remember is the guy who would drink a 12 pack of non-alcoholic beer at work and implied that people challenging him about it were trying to threaten his sobriety.

Hey, at least he's chugging a poo poo ton of empty calories from a drink that tastes like cat piss! I will never understand the point of non alcoholic beer. Like water, juice and soda exist my dude.

# ? Oct 17, 2022 21:38

run on sentience: Mar 22, 2022

Non-alcoholic beer is awesome on a hot summer day when you can't drink but have a thirst that only a cold beer will satisfy, especially if everyone around you is drinking beer. Non-alcoholic wine is awesome at dinner parties when everyone is drinking wine.

# ? Oct 17, 2022 21:45

Pope Corky the IX: Dec 18, 2006; What are you looking at?

Now tell us about non-alcoholic mouthwash.

# ? Oct 17, 2022 21:46

DeeplyConcerned: Apr 29, 2008; I can fit 3 whole bud light cans now, ask me how!

PookBear posted:

Do companies that hire for a language not have a third party test for proficiency?

But how do you know the third party is proficient?

# ? Oct 17, 2022 21:47

haveblue: Aug 15, 2005; Toilet Rascal

I hired a remote-only guy who speaks fluent Chinese, but someone told me they saw he's just an English speaker with a bunch of translation books

# ? Oct 17, 2022 21:50

run on sentience: Mar 22, 2022

Pope Corky the IX posted:

Now tell us about non-alcoholic mouthwash.

It's poo poo, as is the non-alcoholic vanilla extract I just bought accidentally.

# ? Oct 17, 2022 21:51

Quackles: Aug 11, 2018; Pixels of Light.

run on sentience posted:

It's poo poo, as is the non-alcoholic vanilla extract I just bought accidentally.

That's because you've never had proper tea tree oil mouthwash.

# ? Oct 17, 2022 21:52

Chainclaw: Feb 14, 2009

run on sentience posted:

Non-alcoholic beer is awesome on a hot summer day when you can't drink but have a thirst that only a cold beer will satisfy, especially if everyone around you is drinking beer. Non-alcoholic wine is awesome at dinner parties when everyone is drinking wine.

O'Doul's still has alcohol in it, just real low, so depending on why you can't drink, you might not be able to have O'Doul's

# ? Oct 17, 2022 21:54

BigHead: Jul 25, 2003; Huh?; Nap Ghost

WAR CRIME GIGOLO posted:

I made a gigantic shepherds pie for my wife's mother/father.

It had like a quarter of a bottle of wine in it to it during cooking the stew and baking.

She is a recovering alcohol and hasn't had a drink in 10+ years.

Did I gently caress up and she was just being nice by not saying anything?

Everyone in recovery can make their own choices. If my family were in your in-law's position, and if you didn't tell us about the wine, we would never eat at your house again, nor would we ever eat anything you cooked ever again unless I saw you make it. Again, don't gently caress around with fatal medical illnesses.

BigHead fucked around with this message at 22:01 on Oct 17, 2022

# ? Oct 17, 2022 21:58

therobit: Aug 19, 2008; I've been tryin' to speak with you for a long time

Bubblyblubber posted:

This is the wine deglazing story, no dramatic wagon falling in this one. But I do recall another story that had an alcoholic using one event like that as the reason they went off the rails, I just can't seem to find the right word combo for searching that one.

AITA for deglazing my skillet with white wine when making dinner for an ex-alcoholic?

I�m not sure if it was this one or a different post with a similar scenario but there was one where it came out in the comments that the �former� alcoholic was drinking a couple bottles of lemon extract a day �for the flavor,� and the spouse was oblivious to it.

# ? Oct 17, 2022 21:58

FMguru: Sep 10, 2003; peed on;
sexually

Chainclaw posted:

O'Doul's still has alcohol in it, just real low, so depending on why you can't drink, you might not be able to have O'Doul's

I remember a post from years ago (I think on AMA) where someone was putting away multiple six packs of O'Doul's a day. He said it shouldn't be a problem to drink it in the office because it's non-alcoholic, to everyone else it was clear he was drinking it for the (weak) alcohol content and getting a buzz off of the the high volume (or else swapping real beer into the O'Doul's bottle).

# ? Oct 17, 2022 21:59

Kuros: Sep 13, 2010; Oh look, the consequences of my prior actions are finally catching up to me.

AITA for not letting my daughter buy clothes?

quote:

My wife (37f) and I (37m) have 4 kids (14f and 14m, 12m, and 11f), we generally agree on parenting them, but a recent incident had me and my wife disagreeing and I want to see if I was in the wrong.

A few weeks ago, I was at home with our 12 y/o because he was sick with a stomach bug. While I was making him soup, I got a call from my twin�s high school, telling me that they wanted to speak with me, and that my daughter had received 3 days of ISS for a bullying incident. Because of my son�s sickness, I spoke through them via phone and they told me everything that had happened, my daughter and a group of her friends was picking on a boy for wearing a crop top, the boy told the teacher, she asked them to stop, when they didn�t stop, she sent them to the office. After talking to the boy, he admitted the bullying was going on for a few days, and that they kept bothering him when he asked them to stop.

My daughter and son came home and my son�s face was bright red. I told my daughter to go to her room and then sat down with my son to see if he was okay. Apparently the boy she bullied was a close friend of his, one of his football teammates. The boy was talking to my son and their other friends and said something about how he thought it was cool that some men used to wear sports crop tops. The boys told him if he thought it was cool, he should try it. The boys went out and bought some jerseys from the thrift store and made them into crop tops.

I then spoke to my daughter, she didn�t show much remorse and was dismissive of me, last year she also got in trouble for bullying someone bc of clothing, she�s also gotten in trouble for racism at school (very white area, we are white, her and her friends were saying racist stuff in class). When my wife got home, we discussed a punishment and agreed on not buying her new clothes for a while, she has plenty of good clothes already.

This weekend, we went to visit my brother. My brother lives around 3 hours away in a small town and we don�t see him often. This week was the town�s annual fair. At the fair, they had booths from local businesses.

Our oldest son went to the booth with antique sports stuff and then the book booth to get books on sports history (son loves reading those), our 12 y/o got some plushies and toys and our youngest was looking at video games.

Our oldest daughter went to the clothes, I stopped her and told her the rule was still in place. I said she could buy books, a video game, candy, ect, but clothes were the one thing she could not get. She was bugging my wife and my wife eventually told her she would reconsider it, she then talked to me and I told her that I wasn�t changing my stance because I am letting her buy other stuff and I thought she was being entitled, my daughter didn�t buy anything and my wife thinks I was too tough on her. When I called my mom for advice, she also agreed with my wife, AITA?

My daughter is being a racist rear end in a top hat so she can't buy clothes, but can buy whatever else she wants!

Thankfully most of the thread is all "What the gently caress is wrong with you? How is that a punishment?"

# ? Oct 17, 2022 22:00

StrangersInTheNight: Dec 31, 2007; ABSOLUTE FUCKING GUDGEON

BigHead posted:

Everyone in recovery can make their own choices. If my family were in your in-law's position, and if you didn't tell us about the wine, we would never eat at your house again, nor would we ever eat anything you cooked ever again unless I saw you make it. Again, don't gently caress around with fatal medical illnesses.

yeah, everyone has their own boundaries for this. my ex-sister-in-law (bro divorced her) was a recovering alcoholic and went into this kinda purity logic where she didn't want a single drop of it to ever pass her lips again, whether through food or drink. I had to respect it was a boundary for her and made sure never to cook anything with booze in it while she was around, and if a meal did happen to have any as an ingredient we'd warn her and have an alternative around.

The main thing is that people have the option to consent to these things rather than just slipping it by thinking it will be cool. If I'd have done what you mentioned in your story to that ex-SIL, served it without saying something, she would have been devastated that she'd broken her vow. Not because that's going to make her tipsy, but because she made a promise to God to get sober in such a way as to never allow it into her life again, and I would have robbed her of that.

# ? Oct 17, 2022 22:13

hawowanlawow: Jul 27, 2009

BigHead posted:

Everyone in recovery can make their own choices. If my family were in your in-law's position, and if you didn't tell us about the wine, we would never eat at your house again, nor would we ever eat anything you cooked ever again unless I saw you make it. Again, don't gently caress around with fatal medical illnesses.

StrangersInTheNight posted:

yeah, everyone has their own boundaries for this. my ex-sister-in-law (bro divorced her) was a recovering alcoholic and went into this kinda purity logic where she didn't want a single drop of it to ever pass her lips again, whether through food or drink. I had to respect it was a boundary for her and made sure never to cook anything with booze in it while she was around, and if a meal did happen to have any as an ingredient we'd warn her and have an alternative around.

The main thing is that people have the option to consent to these things rather than just slipping it by thinking it will be cool. If I'd have done what you mentioned in your story to that ex-SIL, served it without saying something, she would have been devastated that she'd broken her vow. Not because that's going to make her tipsy, but because she made a promise to God to get sober in such a way as to never allow it into her life again, and I would have robbed her of that.

yikes

# ? Oct 17, 2022 22:14