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Evil Mastermind
Apr 28, 2008

Nation Figured Everything Would Run On Some Kind Of Cubes Of Blue Energy By Now

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ultrafilter
Aug 23, 2007

It's okay if you have any questions.


Grandmother Down To 10-Step Radius Around Recliner In Den

Vincent Van Goatse
Nov 8, 2006

Enjoy every sandwich.

Smellrose

I miss my grandma :(

tacodaemon
Nov 27, 2006



ALL-PRO SEXMAN posted:

I miss my grandma :(

Carthag Tuek
Oct 15, 2005

Tider skal komme,
tider skal henrulle,
slægt skal følge slægters gang



Ugh, that hit hard. My grandma spent her last 4 years on the couch in their living room.

Okuteru
Nov 10, 2007

Choose this life you're on your own

My Mom has had an illness for years that limits her mobility and she's like this sometimes. gently caress.

Anyway, The Onion Wrote about my ex's parents

SimonChris
Apr 24, 2008

The Baron's daughter is missing, and you are the man to find her. No problem. With your inexhaustible arsenal of hard-boiled similes, there is nothing you can't handle.
Grimey Drawer
Talking To Your Child About The WTC Attack

They should make an updated version of this...

Jerusalem
May 20, 2004

Would you be my new best friends?

Forceholy posted:

My Mom has had an illness for years that limits her mobility and she's like this sometimes. gently caress.

Anyway, The Onion Wrote about my ex's parents

At the base of this story was the text: "Don’t let your nightmares come true by running out of Cheetos this Halloween" and I assumed it was just an extra added joke, but it straight up links to the Cheetos website :smith:

Evil Mastermind
Apr 28, 2008

Dr. Arbitrary
Mar 15, 2006

Bleak Gremlin
Diversify These Workplaces!

Arsonist Daria
Feb 27, 2011

Requiescat in pace.

I love Kellys where the dude is just a petty rear end in a top hat.

Jerusalem
May 20, 2004

Would you be my new best friends?

GOOD grief :vince:

Lord Hydronium
Sep 25, 2007

Non, je ne regrette rien


Lumberjack Bonanza posted:

I love Kellys where the dude is just a petty rear end in a top hat.
I didn't think Korner Kelly's expression could beat the one for George Harrison:

Arsonist Daria
Feb 27, 2011

Requiescat in pace.
http://www.clickhole.com/article/8-kittens-god-forbid-could-be-used-prop-wobbly-tab-1364

ultrafilter
Aug 23, 2007

It's okay if you have any questions.


The Stories In ‘The Flintstones’ Are Powerful, But They Probably Didn’t Literally Happen

C.M. Kruger
Oct 28, 2013
Campaign Setback: A Thought Bubble With Pornography Inside Of It Has Appeared Over Bernie Sanders’ Head

Cumslut1895
Feb 18, 2015

by FactsAreUseless
Jennifer Lawrence Named Most Valuable Star In The World That Is Burning, Always Burning

Jerusalem
May 20, 2004

Would you be my new best friends?

Jim Henson's Newly Discovered Journal

This one is utterly terrifying, like Christmas, Except Bad. :stare:

The MSJ
May 17, 2010


Robert Denby
Sep 9, 2007
Denial isn't just a river in Egypt, huh? Nah, get fucked mate.
As always, the last line is amazing

Elderly Woman Relieved To Know She’s Tackled Last Technological Advancement Of Lifetime

Aesop Poprock
Oct 21, 2008


Grimey Drawer

Jerusalem posted:

Jim Henson's Newly Discovered Journal

This one is utterly terrifying, like Christmas, Except Bad. :stare:

I really want to smell the famous Kermit hands

Jet Jaguar
Feb 12, 2006

Don't touch my bags if you please, Mr Customs Man.



Aesop Poprock posted:

I really want to smell the famous Kermit hands

Statler and Waldorf sharing a giant spider torso? The balcony makes more sense now.

Rahonavis
Jan 11, 2012

"Clevuh gurrrl..."

Jerusalem posted:

Jim Henson's Newly Discovered Journal

This one is utterly terrifying, like Christmas, Except Bad. :stare:

Everyone loves the fire engine but I have a soft spot for weird eggs. :magical:

JoshGuitar
Oct 25, 2005

Jerusalem posted:

Jim Henson's Newly Discovered Journal

This one is utterly terrifying, like Christmas, Except Bad. :stare:

I'm giggling like an idiot at the phrase "when the Muppets are in the world".

Dr. Arbitrary
Mar 15, 2006

Bleak Gremlin
The 10 Best Black Friday Deals at Target, Walmart, Best Buy, and Amazon

Aesop Poprock
Oct 21, 2008


Grimey Drawer

What is this

Ride The Gravitron
May 2, 2008

by FactsAreUseless
I was expecting fire trucks

Babe Magnet
Jun 2, 2008


lmao

Dr. Arbitrary
Mar 15, 2006

Bleak Gremlin

Aesop Poprock posted:

What is this

It's vice, but it's the same kind of style that we've seen from Clickhole. Reminds me of: The Time I Spent On A Commercial Whaling Ship Totally Changed My Perspective On The World

It's the Communist Manifesto

Okuteru
Nov 10, 2007

Choose this life you're on your own

Maybe it's my bias showing, but this seems like Vice is trying too hard.

Last Chance
Dec 31, 2004

Forceholy posted:

Maybe it's my bias showing, but this seems like Vice is trying too hard.

Vice trying too hard? No. Impossible.

Dr. Arbitrary
Mar 15, 2006

Bleak Gremlin
I really like it because, based on Facebook comments, Vice's audience includes a pretty big chunk of right-wing viewers, maybe someone'll get a brain aneurism for Thanksgiving.

BravestOfTheLamps
Oct 12, 2012

by FactsAreUseless
Lipstick Apathy

Dr. Arbitrary posted:

It's vice, but it's the same kind of style that we've seen from Clickhole. Reminds me of: The Time I Spent On A Commercial Whaling Ship Totally Changed My Perspective On The World

Yeah, this is better because there's a set up (the headline, which also alludes to similar unironic articles) unlike the Vice one.

Arsonist Daria
Feb 27, 2011

Requiescat in pace.

Last Chance posted:

Vice trying too hard? No. Impossible.

A lot of the humor for me actually comes from how drat beyond the usual level of "trying too hard" this is.

Dr. Arbitrary
Mar 15, 2006

Bleak Gremlin
Frustrated Gunman Can’t Believe How Far He Has To Drive To Find Nearest Planned Parenthood Clinic

Evil Mastermind
Apr 28, 2008


NRA Visits Colorado Police Evidence Room To Check Up On Rifle Used In Planned Parenthood Shooting

I hope Kelley can cheer me up...



Phew!

beefnoodle
Aug 7, 2004

IGNORE ME! I'M JUST AN OLD WET RAG

They're keeping the quality of their last sentences as high as ever.

Echo Chamber
Oct 16, 2008

best username/post combo
Awesome: When A Little Girl Told Neil DeGrasse Tyson She Wanted To Live On Jupiter, He Completely Shut Her Down

I Was Never Able To Accept My Son’s Autism Until I Monetized It Through Blogging

Pick
Jul 19, 2009
Nap Ghost

Both of these are great but the second one is :drat:

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Giraffe
Dec 12, 2005

Soiled Meat
Just found this thread. Don't know if it's been posted, but one of my all time favorite Onion headlines is from 2001, the week of the Bush twins' 18th birthday:

Jenna Bush's Federally Protected Wetlands Now Open For Public Drilling

Kills me every time.

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