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C.M. Kruger posted:Found it: Ohhhh and the robot bird is named Hughin, because nazis loving love jerking off over Norse mythology.
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# ? Jan 17, 2020 16:36 |
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# ? Jun 13, 2024 03:57 |
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chitoryu12 posted:I think I might actually put my Twilight thread on a brief hiatus after Eclipse to do these Phineas Poe books. I'm 31 pages in and so far it hasn't let up. Every page manages to be the same baffling edgy poo poo, like a teenage goth played Max Payne and decided to write a fanfic. There's somehow 3 of these and they were a major inspiration for a musician whose career tanked after he got revealed to have a sex cult. I like how you linked to a wiki page where the editors think that it's only a minor footnote that the guy has been accused of starting an underage sex cult. You'd think that was a bigger deal than his release of an EP in 2019. Knowing Wikipedia that page is the fiefdom of a fan who wants to keep that poo poo out of the public eye as much as possible.
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# ? Jan 17, 2020 17:07 |
Our hero goes to the back alley doctor for drugs. ....
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# ? Jan 17, 2020 17:08 |
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The skin of her belly is transparent? Lemme get all up in them guys *points to the lower colon visibly pulsating above the hem of the miniskirt*
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# ? Jan 17, 2020 17:34 |
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chitoryu12 posted:I just bought Kiss Me Judas, the first installment of the Phineas Poe series, and it’s almost painfully bad. It’s about a former cop who ends up in a mental hospital while investigating the Denver PD Internal Affairs, and on his first day out a prostitute roofies him and replaces his kidney with a bag of heroin. The entire book seems to be written like this: You know what, the first paragraph was fun in an "oh my god this is so obviously hackneyed I love it" way, but the way they handle dialogue is like, not just dogshit, but dried dogshit crammed into the crevices of the soles of your pump-up reeboks, the kind you have to work out with a little twig
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# ? Jan 17, 2020 18:08 |
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The space libertarian dinocat story had better writing and characters than whatever this quotation markless crap is. Yikes.
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# ? Jan 17, 2020 19:13 |
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You can do a novel without quotation marks for style, but you have to be so, so careful with your dialogue. This ain't it.
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# ? Jan 17, 2020 20:13 |
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# ? Jan 17, 2020 20:16 |
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Senior Woodchuck posted:Raise your hand if you wrote Final Fantasy VI fanfic and turned it in as a high school class assignment. My junior year of high school (when I was 16-17), my English class had an ongoing biweekly assignment. We had to write a short story using all 20 words from the lesson we were on in our vocabulary workbook, which was 15 lessons long. So I wrote my own 15-episode magical girl anime series. I did use all the words correctly, so I always got good grades. Fun times.
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# ? Jan 17, 2020 20:44 |
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I'm imagining all these characters trapped in your e-reader with noted alcoholic thug James Bond
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# ? Jan 17, 2020 21:10 |
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"Today is my birthday, I'm nineteen and I pee in my bathwater" is the Dr. Manhattan quote I always forget
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# ? Jan 17, 2020 21:13 |
Ichabod Sexbeast posted:I'm imagining all these characters trapped in your e-reader with noted alcoholic thug James Bond My Amazon recommendations are really hosed up after all I've done.
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# ? Jan 17, 2020 21:28 |
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Captain Monkey posted:The skin of her belly is transparent? does anyone have that quote where the character is having sex with a virgin and describes something like a "soft snapping sound like a balloon breaking" i think i threw up a little writing that but i need to send it to someone
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# ? Jan 17, 2020 21:29 |
Sagebrush posted:does anyone have that quote where the character is having sex with a virgin and describes something like a "soft snapping sound like a balloon breaking" You may have some luck with the Bed Sex Writing in Fiction Awards. quote:“Empty my tanks,” I’d begged breathlessly, as once more she began drawing me deep inside her pleasure cave. Her vaginal ratchet moved in concertina-like waves, slowly chugging my organ as a boa constrictor swallows its prey. Soon I was locked in, balls deep, ready to be ground down by the enamelled pepper mill within her. quote:He was aware that she was making a mewling sound as he put his lips to her tightened nipple and sucked. Her mouth was at his ear, her tongue travelling along its grooves, voice filling it. His mouth tugged at her, extended her, she snapped back, there was a taste of something on his tongue. In his mind he pictured her neck, her long neck, her swan’s neck, her Alice in Wonderland neck coiling like a serpent, like a serpent, coiling down on him. She had found a way through his clothing and her fingers had lightly touched his cock, then slowly began to take a firmer hold. He wanted to cry like a baby. He felt helpless, as though his body had come undone and she was fastening it. He felt as though he was bleeding somewhere. Then he felt powerful, gigantic. He would have kicked a door down.
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# ? Jan 17, 2020 21:31 |
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What species is the woman the fist guy is having sex with? I assume some kind of spider.
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# ? Jan 17, 2020 21:39 |
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sounds like some sort of heavy drilling equipment, like maybe a tunnel-boring machine.
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# ? Jan 18, 2020 00:01 |
So I think I've got my plans decided. Once I finish Eclipse, I want to do two threads. The first will be for the Phineas Poe novels because they seem unusually popular for stuff with such horrendous writing, but I also want to do one on William Control. He was an artist I listened to before all his sex cult poo poo came out, and he ended up turning his initial concept for the songs into a book series, The Revelator trilogy. After reading the first chapter and relistening to his music with more attention paid to the lyrics, it paints a really gross portrait of a hosed up dude who utilized his fame to manipulate and abuse young women and used his music as a way to put his most terrifying desires out into the world without anyone noticing. He comes up because he's a huge fan of the Phineas Poe books and not only named a song after the first one, but made a music video for another song based on the kidney stealing. He posted the first chapter of the first book, The Neuromancer, on his website. It's not great, and it even directly quotes a bunch of his tracks. quote:I hear footsteps and stand up thinking it’s Tony, but from around the corner steps and guy a large grey overcoat. He has menacing eyes. He walks straight up to me and pulls out a gun. quote:I can see a dark figure coming towards us. Light footsteps rapidly approaching. Dressed in black. White hair. I drop to my knees and out of the line of his Ruger just as he senses the intrusion and circles around. BANG. The gunshot echoes into the night. My break with reality is complete. The hallucination is real. My life is just one long horrifying dream.
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# ? Jan 18, 2020 03:10 |
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chitoryu12 posted:So I think I've got my plans decided. Once I finish Eclipse, I want to do two threads. The first will be for the Phineas Poe novels because they seem unusually popular for stuff with such horrendous writing, but I also want to do one on William Control. Oh, please tell me you've got Jay Bonansinga's Lucid somewhere in your queue. I've been waiting for that one.
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# ? Jan 18, 2020 03:23 |
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chitoryu12 posted:So I think I've got my plans decided. Once I finish Eclipse, I want to do two threads. The first will be for the Phineas Poe novels because they seem unusually popular for stuff with such horrendous writing, but I also want to do one on William Control. He was an artist I listened to before all his sex cult poo poo came out, and he ended up turning his initial concept for the songs into a book series, The Revelator trilogy. After reading the first chapter and relistening to his music with more attention paid to the lyrics, it paints a really gross portrait of a hosed up dude who utilized his fame to manipulate and abuse young women and used his music as a way to put his most terrifying desires out into the world without anyone noticing. He comes up because he's a huge fan of the Phineas Poe books and not only named a song after the first one, but made a music video for another song based on the kidney stealing. What did poor William Gibson ever do to deserve this clown? Also, please make those threads!
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# ? Jan 18, 2020 03:24 |
Zamboni Rodeo posted:Oh, please tell me you've got Jay Bonansinga's Lucid somewhere in your queue. I've been waiting for that one. I do! I haven't been able to crack it open yet but if you keep up with my threads you'll see it come up. This is a music video of his from a decade ago. It should give you an idea of the kind of edginess we're dealing with here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xDi4LYCuhBQ
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# ? Jan 18, 2020 03:43 |
Ah, at this point in the book Will has an unwanted erection during a conversation, so he closes his eyes and thinks about the Holocaust to get rid of it.
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# ? Jan 18, 2020 04:04 |
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chitoryu12 posted:Ah, at this point in the book Will has an unwanted erection during a conversation, so he closes his eyes and thinks about the Holocaust to get rid of it. Well, what do YOU do to get rid of an unwanted erection, huh?
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# ? Jan 18, 2020 05:18 |
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CommissarMega posted:Well, what do YOU do to get rid of an unwanted erection, huh? If you’re the GOP, usually by tossing the results and letting the Supreme Court decide.
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# ? Jan 18, 2020 05:37 |
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CommissarMega posted:Well, what do YOU do to get rid of an unwanted erection, huh? I gather thinking about sports is common, but as a horrible nerd my sports knowledge would run out rather quickly, so I've usually resorted to grammar or math theorems.
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# ? Jan 18, 2020 12:18 |
DONT TOUCH THE PC posted:I like how you linked to a wiki page where the editors think that it's only a minor footnote that the guy has been accused of starting an underage sex cult. I missed this post but you’re absolutely right! I was the one who added the info on it to his personal page and his William Control page after noticing a long period had passed without an update. It was then deleted by one of his fans and I had to get the page protected so I could put it back. I saw an article about it on a music site where one of his fans went in to accuse all the women of lying, immediately before calling him “Master Francis.” It’s a hosed up situation with a lot of hosed up people.
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# ? Jan 18, 2020 13:59 |
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Personally, I'd be more surprised by a guy who called himself 'William Control' and doesn't end up leading an underage sex cult.
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# ? Jan 18, 2020 14:09 |
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Elviscat posted:Publishing companies are complicit too If you thought Ringo was bad, Tom Kratman got his stuff published too, with a seal of approval by Jim Baen.
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# ? Jan 19, 2020 00:04 |
Okinawa Jones, Terror of Hirohito
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# ? Jan 19, 2020 03:07 |
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chitoryu12 posted:Okinawa Jones, Terror of Hirohito Ah, reminds me of the villain of Reamde the mad Welsh Muslim terrorist Abdallah Jones. Neal Stephenson posted:“Mines are supposed to be below ground, I’d thought,” Jones continued.
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# ? Jan 20, 2020 16:22 |
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The_White_Crane posted:Ah, reminds me of the villain of Reamde the mad Welsh Muslim terrorist Abdallah Jones. God Reamde was such a terrible book. I finished it out of spite, I wasn't going to let that book beat me.
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# ? Jan 20, 2020 18:36 |
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HopperUK posted:I don't think I've ever seen that actually happen before! Good shout, Literally A Bird I saw it once, long ago, and ever since I’ve paid special attention to any “Mods, please rename me...” comment in hopes of seeing it again. This truly is a blessed day.
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# ? Jan 20, 2020 22:14 |
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Ugly In The Morning posted:God Reamde was such a terrible book. I finished it out of spite, I wasn't going to let that book beat me. I actually enjoyed it. It was terrible, but it was terrible in a way I found rather appealing. Like, it was as though someone took two or possibly three different cheap airport thriller paperbacks and mashed them into one another like a kid playing with dolls, shouting "KABOOM, POW!" It's one of those books I'd never recommend to anyone, but at the same time I'll probably re-read it some time when I'm on holiday and want something dumb to turn my brain off with.
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# ? Jan 21, 2020 13:03 |
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The_White_Crane posted:I actually enjoyed it. It was terrible, but it was terrible in a way I found rather appealing. A good way to sum up a lot of Stephenson's more actiony books. I like the man and all, but I did not need a thousand pages of the worst parts of Snowcrash.
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# ? Jan 21, 2020 14:43 |
I finished William Control's books; really, it's one book split into three parts so he can gouge more money out of you. It remains just as bad all the way to the finish, with the protagonist switching between angry curse-filled rants and flowery purple prose that fills an entire paragraph in response to a question. The third book tries to go for a dark noir feel with gunfights and murders in dive bar bathrooms, but it's overall just really juvenile and absurdly graphic. It's like an angry 16-year-old who idolizes the Columbine shooters wrote it, but it's actually a rich musician closing on 40 (who, according to his social media, now lives in a poly relationship with three alternative models because his wife left him and took their son). It's also loaded with grammatical and spelling errors because it's self-published. This will probably be the only thread I do that has to have a general trigger warning at the beginning because it's just so obscenely grotesque. Rape, murder, suicide, drugs, pretty much everything except scat play. He inserts his lyrics as dialogue or descriptive text in really clunky, unnatural ways that immediately call attention to the fact that he's using song lyrics. He beats a dude to death with a spreader bar in a sex club and uses the phrase "screaming vaginas" while trying to talk dirty. He says that he can't be a racist because he likes the taste of black pussy. He writes an ode to vaginal flaps during a sex scene where a character's rear end is describe as so enormous that it could blot out the sun.
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# ? Jan 21, 2020 15:03 |
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The best professional review I'd read of Reamde went along the lines of "At first glance, it has all the same ingredients as his previous novels such as Snowcrash, but it's so awful that it makes me retroactively question my own taste and I'm afraid to go back and see that I'm right about this." To me, its like he's taken everything that was cool and fun, and just made it a bit more grubby so that everything is neither believable nor meshing with the other elements. I didn't care about his ridiculous MMO fanfic, and I'm incredulous that a couple of plucky nerds are going to save the world, by pulling out their own rifles in an American Wet Dream (tm) shootout in the woods. I kinda got a glimpse of this in Anathem, where a plucky group of pure-maths grad student monks save the world through no skills other than being smugly smarter than the pebians about them. It's... pandering, if we're being generous.
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# ? Jan 21, 2020 15:06 |
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I missed the "poo poo you wrote as a kid" derail by a couple pages but unlike most of you I was eleven and it is based very specifically on the Fox Peter Pan and the Pirates show, NOT the heathen Disney version which I liked considerably less at that point, probably because Tim Curry chewed the gently caress outta some scenery on that show and owned. It is extremely 1992 but surprisingly well written for a sixth grader and comes in at 100+ pages, probably 75% being actual writing. Every new character is blatantly ripped off of something I was reading or watching, or is an expy of a friend. To call it embarrassing is a hilarious understatement. Mostly it added girls that weren't Wendy, a Mary Sue author insert, and ultimately killed Peter in the end. the illustrations were painstakingly traced from Beauty and the Beast and/or Little Mermaid by my friend Nicole, who got a slightly mean-spirited Mary Sue character in exchange
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# ? Jan 21, 2020 15:14 |
TheKennedys posted:I missed the "poo poo you wrote as a kid" derail by a couple pages but unlike most of you You need to put the whole thing up in a thread for us.
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# ? Jan 21, 2020 15:24 |
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The_White_Crane posted:I actually enjoyed it. It was terrible, but it was terrible in a way I found rather appealing. See, that’s why I hated it so much- not that I mind a mashup of concepts in principle. The thing was, I was more invested in goddamn behind the scenes MMORPG dev drama than I was a globetrotting terrorist hunt. Not to say I was all that invested in the MMO side of things, either, just that it was more interesting than the action stuff. And it all ended up barely mattering in the end, everything gets settled by a giant shootout that was both incredibly long and incredibly boring. Five words that could sum up most of Stephenson’s output, really. I gave up on Quicksilver on like five separate occasions.
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# ? Jan 21, 2020 19:05 |
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Ugly In The Morning posted:See, that’s why I hated it so much- not that I mind a mashup of concepts in principle. The thing was, I was more invested in goddamn behind the scenes MMORPG dev drama than I was a globetrotting terrorist hunt. Same, the MMORPG stuff was better (except for the pages about how amazingly overpowered his dev account character was, that was terrible). It felt like there a bunch of interesting directions it could have gone in if the whole thing hadn't become completely irrelevant partway through the book.
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# ? Jan 21, 2020 19:58 |
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# ? Jun 13, 2024 03:57 |
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Qwertycoatl posted:Same, the MMORPG stuff was better (except for the pages about how amazingly overpowered his dev account character was, that was terrible). It felt like there a bunch of interesting directions it could have gone in if the whole thing hadn't become completely irrelevant partway through the book. If it had been properly developed into its own thing, MMORPG dev drama and cybercrime could have been really interesting. Bolting it on to the terror thing took away so many opportunities for it to actually develop. I thought stuff like how it was being used to crowdsource things like airport lines was going to actually at least tie into the terror plot but nope, just a giant waste of time and an interesting angle.
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# ? Jan 21, 2020 20:01 |