|
Jim starts calling Dwight “Balloon Boy”. Michael overhears and finds the nickname hilarious and exclusively uses it. Desperate for Michaels approval Dwight pretends to enjoy it, but later that day spends an hour in the bathroom sobbing.
|
#
?
Jun 8, 2022 20:06
|
|
|
|
| # ? May 29, 2024 19:36 |
|
|
"I turned myself into a pickle, Diwght!" screeches Jim. "I'm pickle Jiiiiim!" Dwight hasn't seen even a single episode of Rick and Morty and the joke is lost on him. He tosses Pickle Jim into the trash. "Pickle Jiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiim!" screams Pickle Jim at the top of his pickle lungs. Elon Musk (dressed in a historically accurate SS obersturmbannfurher uniform over his Waluigi costume. It's for a costume party), hears Pickle Jim and pokes his head out of the office. "Is that Pickle Jim I hear?" "Pickle Jiiiiiiim!" screeches Pickle Jim. "Pickle Jiiiiiiiiiim!" screams Elon Musk. "Pickle Jiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii—" Dwight opens his desk drawer and reaches for the revolver he's secreted there, intent on taking his own life, but discovers the revolver has been encased in Jello. in the background, Jim and Elon continue to sustain the "iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii" far longer than should be humanly possible.
|
|
#
?
Jun 9, 2022 03:02
|
|
|
Elon Musk (dressed in a historically accurate SS obersturmbannfurher uniform over his Waluigi costume. It's not for a costume party), storms into the office and calls an “all hands on dick” meeting to “get to the bottom of this Zipper situation.” Jim is the only person still left alive in the office, ever since he and Elon began executing suspected traitors (everyone who stopped listening and got back to work the moment Jim started his blow-by-blow account of last night’s Rick and Morty episode).
|
|
#
?
Jun 9, 2022 03:23
|
|
|
Elon Musk (dressed in a historically accurate SS obersturmbannfurher uniform over his Waluigi costume. It's not for a costume party), storms into the office and starts screaming about how a bunch of "pedo guys" are out to get him because of a "woke mind virus." It's Saturday and the only person in the office is Jim, who is preparing the next weeks pranks (replacing Dwight's chair with live snakes; filling Dwight's computer with offensive pornography; many more...).
|
|
#
?
Jun 9, 2022 03:25
|
|
|
Elon Musk makes everyone come into work on Sunday because "two day weekends are inefficient and workers in China don't even get weekends" but actually because he got thrown out of the Wilkes-Barre Outback Steakhouse for wearing an historically accurate SS obersturmbannfurher uniform (over his Waluigi costume) and he wants a captive audience to hear him rant about how "Bloomin' onions look like a prolapsed anus." When questioned about his Nazi uniform, Musk replies curtly that it was "for charity" (it really was for a charity fundraiser but not the good kind). Jim raises his hand and points out that Dwight runs a charity and suggesting that Musk show up for Dwight's next charity event, which Musk thinks is an excellent idea. Dwight shoots Jim a furious look and Jim smirks back at him.
|
|
#
?
Jun 9, 2022 03:48
|
|
|
Jim reports Dwight to HR after he refuses to give a positive review on the website hosting Jim's 400,000-word Mega Man X fanfiction
|
|
#
?
Jun 9, 2022 04:53
|
|
|
Jim vows to "go all out" because he wants to "raise the steaks." Jim starts serving breakfast all day. Not at his restaurant (Famous Original Jim's, the worst pizza place in all of Scranton, possibly in all of Pennsylvania, currently closed due to a code Broken Arrow) nor at his food truck, nor even at his house. Just Jim and a portable hotplate cooking breakfast 24 hours a day. "Breakfast?" says Jim, proffering Dwight a single fried egg drooping over the edges of a spatula. "Hot breakfast?" It's two thirty in the afternoon. "Hot breakfast?" Jim offers again, poking Dwight in the cheek with a greasy egg. Dwight stares at the camera like Jack Nicholson in the Shining. "Breakfast? Hot breakfast?" asks Jim.
|
|
#
?
Jun 9, 2022 04:56
|
|
|
Elon Musk (dressed as a snail) funnels tens-of-billions of dollars into creating an endless spaghetti machine that winds a spool of spaghetti from the Tesla factory in California all the way to Scranton, Pennsylvania where a hungry Jim sits, slurping the noodle from its 3,000-mile long point of origin. Highways are redrawn as Elon has ensured that no roadway bisects the noodle, so that a car ride from San Jose to San Fransico requires a U-Turn in New Jersey. As traffic builds across the entire continental US, Jim mugs the camera, saliva and red sauce splattering the lens.
|
|
#
?
Jun 9, 2022 05:19
|
|
|
Jim vows to take arse shites. Everybody is entirely nonplussed by this statement until Dwight points out that "take arse shites" is an anagram of "raise the steaks". Jim mugs the camera.
|
|
#
?
Jun 9, 2022 11:44
|
|
|
Not a fan of this Jim chap
|
|
#
?
Jun 9, 2022 12:13
|
|
|
"oi it's just'a prank bruv"
|
|
#
?
Jun 9, 2022 12:36
|
|
|
Dwight sits down to a breakfast of eggs, bacon and hash browns. Just as he's about to dig in, a hidden spring under Dwight's plate launches Dwight's food into his face, giving Dwight one of those breakfast faces with fried eggs for eyes and a smirking bacon mouth. The hash browns resemble floppy hair. Jim's face, rendered in breakfast food, mugs the camera.
|
|
#
?
Jun 9, 2022 12:40
|
|
|
Jim offers to cook Dwight breakfast. Dwight accepts, and Jim hands him a plate of black beans, a floppy grey circle of ham, and an undercooked egg, glistening sickly. This isn’t a prank, it’s actually Jim’s entirely accurate recreation of a traditional English breakfast (Jim has been “getting into chav culture” lately). Jim watches anxiously as Dwight forces down the food out of politeness.
|
|
#
?
Jun 9, 2022 12:58
|
|
|
Jim stabs Dwight.
|
|
#
?
Jun 9, 2022 13:24
|
|
|
Jim opens a new car wash, Sudsy Jim's Car-wash-a-torium. As expected, the car wash is the worst car wash in Scranton, possibly in all of Pennsylvania. Despite this, Jim constantly posts youtube videos about his "business sense" and how great it is to have "passive income" from the car wash. Feeling bad for Jim, Dwight pays a visit to the car wash. How bad could it be? Dwight drives through the car wash, where barely functioning hoses lazily spray water on the car. There is no soap, no scrub brushes, and no drying fans. Dwight's car is just a little bit wetter than it was before he drove into the wash. He asks Jim for a refund. Jim points to the paper sign taped next to his office. NO REFUNDS. Jim then taps the sign again, showing a smaller piece of text hidden under the first piece. Dwight squints to read it. PLEASE SEE MANAGER'S FACE FOR MORE INFORMATION. Dwight looks back and Jim mugs for the camera.
|
|
#
?
Jun 9, 2022 13:29
|
|
|
Jim vows to "soup up" his relationship with Dwight, and to "raise the stakes". He struggles to balance a large catering tin of soup over the door, in an effort to go "all out" to "get cancelled", with Elon Musk standing by in the waluigi costume, and Little Champion flying around, and Mose is an amish dog for some reason, Pam loving hates Jim, he's simultaenously really skinny and unhealthy and a shining paragon of prank power depending on what universe you're in at any given moment, Jim can't sustain an erection unless he's pranking or a Dwight mask is involved, Meredith can't stay out of hospital, he mugs, he won't stop mugging, he's also the actor John Krasinski at the same time, beets have superpowers for some reason and Dwight runs eight different charities, the farm is some highly desired piece of land and the police are somehow on Jim's payroll, Mars Needs Moms is somehow involved, there's some weird candy-creation kit that's the only thing Jim will eat for lunch, the camera crew stick around and film things that no-one on earth would willingly observe, pizza, there's like about a dozen different pizza places and they're all Jim's and they're poo poo, and Chips is a chimp and a better pranker than Jim and more popular so he was written out of continuity, Jim's an antivaxxer, he's invented clown paper, he mugs, he's mugging, he's got lank floppy hair and abnormally long limbs and there's pizza, he's mustard shirt, jello, the stapler- The office watch in mild concern as Jim staggers around the room, bleeding freely from the forehead and nose, the dented, fallen tin lying discarded in the corner. Michael slowly closes the blinds in the meeting room so he doesn't have to watch.
|
|
#
?
Jun 9, 2022 13:37
|
|
|
Jim vows to “soap up” his new car wash, Sudsy Jim's Car-wash-a-torium. Because he never bought any soap for the business before, he has no idea how much he needs, or what type. In a bid to save money (Jim is a thrifty businessman when it comes to saving a penny, “a penny saved is a penny pranked,” he always says), Jim buys bulk expired elephant soap from the now defunct Scranton Zoo (which closed when someone kept trying to assassinate its monkeys and smashing its bug collection). Unfortunately the soap doesn’t work well with the car wash’s power jets, and blasts Dwight’s car down the road in a terrifying tsunami of sudsy bubbles. Jim, torn between saying “Talk about a clean sweep,” and “Make sure you clean your trunk”, has a stroke.
|
|
#
?
Jun 9, 2022 13:51
|
|
|
Jim accidentally locks himself out of his house while grabbing the mail. "Hey kids! Kids? Daddy got locked out! Can you guys please open the door?" Jim sees his children peer through the living room window, then giggle to each other, then run away. "Are you opening the door? Kids?" An hour later, the door remains closed. Pam is at her sister's house for the weekend, and Jim left his cell phone inside anyway. He smiles and sits on the front stoop, obviously the kids are going to open the door soon. Another hour passes and Jim's stomach starts growling. He starts knocking on the door again, a little louder this time. "Hey! You guys need to open the door, this isn't funny! Guys, come on, don't you want me to make lunch?" Philip pops his head out of a 2nd story window and looks down at his father. He mugs at him, then laughs. "What a prank, huh, Daddy?" While Jim is distracted, Cece opens the front door and punches Jim in the balls as hard as she can. He collapses to the ground while his daughter laughs. "Jeez, Daddy, I know you love ballet, but is now the best time for the Nutcracker?" Cece laughs and slams the front door. Jim hears the dead bolt lock again as he lays there in extreme pain. He looks up and sees Philip is still mugging at him. "That's my boy," Jim whispers under his breath. Jim passes out from pain.
|
|
#
?
Jun 9, 2022 14:02
|
|
|
Decades ago, several of Scranton's wealthiest businessmen worked together to try and create a real-life Jurassic Park. The Park failed, however, as no one was able to successfully clone a real dinosaur. However, much of the infrastructure remained, along with all of the patents and copyrights regarding the park. Jim, of course, purchases all of this. A year later, Jim opens "Cretaceous Land", which he makes sure to note is legally distinct from Jurassic Park. Dwight, intrigued to see the supposedly "real" dinosaurs, is one of the first guests. As he takes a jeep tour around the park, Dwight is blown away by the dinosaurs. They must be animatronics, but they're the most realistic animatronics Dwight has ever seen. At the end of the jeep ride, Dwight tracks down Jim and begs him to explain how he pulled all of this together. "Oh, I could explain it. OR I could just SHOW you! Come with me, Dwight." Jim, dressed in a white suit with a cane, leads Dwight towards an enormous laboratory staffed with dozens of scientists in lab coats. All around them are dinosaur eggs, infant dinosaurs, and even embryos floating in jars. "This, my friend, is our dinosaur hatchery. You see, Dwight, my predecessors could never understand how to stabilize the dinosaur DNA. They were missing something vital, something which I figured out." Dwight asks if it's frog DNA, like in Jurassic Park. "No, Dwight, it's not like Jurassic Park! Once again, I really want to stress that, legally, this is not Jurassic Park. No, I'm afraid the secret to my dinosaurs must remain a secret. But come with me, I think a raptor is about to be born!" Dwight notes that this is also just like Jurassic Park and Jim starts huffing and puffing, but leads him to the egg anyway. A tiny raptor claw bursts through the egg, poking a tiny hole which the dinosaur is then able to force its way through. It makes eye contact with Dwight for a moment, and Dwight is shocked by the mix of awe and terror he feels. Jim has created life, somehow, but should these creatures be allowed to exist? Is Jim allowed to play God? Then the raptor mugs at Dwight. "Just like his daddy," Jim says with a similar smile. Dwight runs out of the lab, terrified at what he's discovered. He heads towards the front of the park but a security guard grabs him and tosses him inside one of the animal enclosures. "Enjoy the zoo! You're about to become a permanent addition to it!" laughs the security guard. Dwight notes that that's actually more of an Indiana Jones threat, and the guards storms off in a huff. Dwight tries to find his way out of the enclosure but is quickly assaulted by a Dilophosaurus. The dinosaur pushes him to the ground and stands on his chest, unveiling its frills and hissing at Dwight. It then spits out chicken noodle soup, blinding Dwight. The dinosaur mugs for the security camera Jim has installed before devouring Dwight. A Fancy Hat fucked around with this message at 15:10 on Jun 9, 2022 |
|
#
?
Jun 9, 2022 14:47
|
|
|
Jurassic Prank
|
|
#
?
Jun 9, 2022 15:02
|
|
|
Jim leaves an anonymous tip with the US Border Patrol that he thought he saw a "swarthy man" lurking around Schrute Farms. Border Patrol agents storm Dwight's home, destroying both the front and back doors and smashing several windows. They shoot Mose on sight and tear the house apart searching for hidden immigrants, much of Dwight's property is confiscated "for inspection." Dwight objects to this flagrant violation of his rights and files suit, but his claim is dismissed because the Supreme Court has ruled that Border Patrol agents operate outside the Fourth Amendment in "border control zones" which comprise all territory 100 miles or less from a US border.
|
|
#
?
Jun 9, 2022 15:22
|
|
|
Applewhite posted:Jim leaves an anonymous tip with the US Border Patrol that he thought he saw a "swarthy man" lurking around Schrute Farms. Dwight protests that he doesn't live near a border, but is shocked to find that he lives only 99.9 miles from the free sea state of Jimsylvania, a reclaimed oil rig populated by Jim and Elon Musk (on holidays).
|
|
#
?
Jun 9, 2022 15:34
|
|
|
Jim starts putting "Back the Blue" flag stickers on everything around the office, including Dwight's stuff. "You got a problem, Dwight?" Dwight says he doesn't, except that Jim forgot to back the red. He asks if Jim has a problem with firemen. Aghast, Jim says he doesn't, and quickly colors in a red stripe on the flag. Dwight says that's pretty good, but Jim forgot the thin orange line that all road construction crews walk every day. Jim agrees and colors in an orange stripe. Oscar looks over and adds that Jim forgot about police dispatchers, the thin yellow line. So Jim, dutifully, colors that in, too. "Not a big army fan then, Jim?" asks Michael, who feigns shock. "I thought you supported the troops?" "Uhhhh, I do! I'm fixing it, I'm fixing it!" Jim colors in a thin green line. As he finishes, Dwight reminds Jim about the thin purple line, for security guards. Jim fills that in, too, having created a beautiful rainbow flag. "Oh, I'll bet you're really triggered now, Dwight! All of these flags, supporting our troops and cops and security guards! I'll bet you wanna retreat to your safe space, huh? Well, you can't. That's MY first amendment right! To bother you as much as I want without fear of repercussions!" Dwight looks at the rainbow flag and reminds Jim that he should color in the other 312 flags he's planted around the office. Jim thanks him and sets about his work. Dwight wishes Oscar a happy pride month and embraces his friend.
|
|
#
?
Jun 9, 2022 15:41
|
|
|
A Fancy Hat posted:"Jeez, Daddy, I know you love ballet, but is now the best time for the Nutcracker?" how do you do this, i'm dying here
|
|
#
?
Jun 9, 2022 15:46
|
|
|
Space Kablooey posted:how do you do this, i'm dying here  This thread will never die. It just keeps getting stronger. The late season addition of Jim's kids as pranksters was a stroke of genius. Long foreshadowed, but still a surprise twist when it delivered
|
|
#
?
Jun 9, 2022 15:53
|
|
|
We focus so much on Dwight's life outside the office, it's easy to forget that Jim has a wife and kids (sometimes).
|
|
#
?
Jun 9, 2022 16:01
|
|
|
Michael pulls Jim and Dwight into a meeting. "Listen, I'm not going to sugarcoat it, there will be no bonuses this year." Dwight is disappointed but understands. Jim simply grins. When Dwight gets back to his desk, everything is coated in a fine layer of sugar. "Michael might not sugarcoat it, but I will!" Jim laughs before mugging for the camera.
|
|
#
?
Jun 9, 2022 16:21
|
|
|
Did Pam leave, or was she killed? Jim asks himself this question a hundred times each day, it’s an intrusive thought whenever he gets a moment to stop running. Admittedly those moments are getting fewer and fewer these days; Jim is increasingly unable to stay one step ahead of Phil and Cece, the Prank Squad. He leans against the wall of the flood tunnel he’s been hiding in, right under the I-35. He’s been moving west for months now, living a nomadic life. But the pranks keep finding him. “Oh, daddy…” Jim’s guts empty as he hears the singsong voice of Phillip, who appears menacing at the end of the tunnel swinging a chain. “Time to play-ayyyy…” Jim breaks and runs the other direction. Phil is on him in a flash, running with preternatural speed. He swings the chain with the strength of ten men, and the bike lock on the end smashes into Jim’s groin, sending him sprawling to the ground. Jim crawls forward. He doesn’t know where he’s going, but maybe, if he can get out of the tunnel… Phil walks slowly behind Jim, letting him vomit from the pain, then continue. Jim makes it out of the tunnel on his hands and knees, only to see Cece waiting for him, a banana cream pie already in her hand. “Please,” whispers Jim, “plea-“
|
|
#
?
Jun 9, 2022 16:25
|
|
|
Long after the Dunder Mifflin years, Jim has ascended to Cosmic Jim form. Over and over, people ask him, "how can entropy be reversed?" And Jim has never had enough data to answer the question. Finally, when all is still and cold, Jim has his data. He knows the answer. But he does not create light. His show contract is up, and it is no longer his problem. The universe settles into a static state, and goes away, in any sense that humans can imagine. Baby Jim is born and lets out his first cry in the next universe. This nightmare will not end.
|
|
#
?
Jun 9, 2022 17:35
|
|
|
A food truck festival is setting up near Dunder Mifflin, and Dwight happily heads over during his lunch break. Jim pushes ahead of him and runs to the festival, hooting and hollering all the way. When Dwight reaches the food trucks, Jim is leading a conga line. "Hey Dwight! Join the conga line!" Drawn in by the island beat, Dwight is forced to join the conga line that Jim is leading. Jim heads down the streets of Scranton, picking up more and more dancers. Dwight completely loses track of time as the rhythm ignites his passion for dance. "Okay, that's enough conga!" Jim cuts the music (Dwight just not realizes he has no idea WHERE the music is coming from) and the conga line disperses. Dwight decides to head back to the food truck festival, only to discover it's after 7 pm and all of the trucks have left. Jim, wearing a fruit hat and shaking a pair of maracas, mugs for the camera.
|
|
#
?
Jun 10, 2022 13:57
|
|
|
Jim, accompanied by the two seductresses, lures Dwight to his apartment with the siren's song of forbidden pleasures and induces him to smoke the devil's lettuce. Dwight's life is destroyed by his new addiction to marijuana.
|
|
#
?
Jun 10, 2022 14:26
|
|
|
Jim tells Dwight that he (Dwight) "isn't exactly Leonard Nimoy." The studio audience absolutely loses its poo poo and Dwight has to cover his ears to block out the deafening sounds of cheers and applause. "Babinga!" says Jim, smirking at the audience. The resulting whoops from the audience destroy both Jim and Dwight's eardrums.
|
|
#
?
Jun 10, 2022 14:36
|
|
|
Jim arranges for a studio audience to loudly clap and cheer whenever Dwight walks into the office, often causing him to need to wait a few seconds before he can speak, so as to be heard above the chorus.
|
|
#
?
Jun 10, 2022 14:44
|
|
|
After the blood soaked revolution, Jim implements the collectivization of agriculture. Dwight was viewed as a useful peasant and survived, but under the threat of being sent to Ohio, now has to grow potatoes instead of beets.
|
|
#
?
Jun 10, 2022 15:07
|
|
|
Jim rolls into the office on wheels instead of feet. "I replaced my feet with wheels so I can get twice as much work done," explains Jim. Jim doesn't get any work done and spends the entire day squeaking around and crashing into things, including a large bucket of lard that Kevin had brought for lunch. The lard spills everywhere including all over Jim's wheels. "Looks like the squeaky wheel really does get the grease!" laughs Jim.
|
|
#
?
Jun 10, 2022 15:49
|
|
|
Were the wheels from squeaky bot 
|
|
#
?
Jun 10, 2022 15:49
|
|
|
Space Kablooey posted:Were the wheels from squeaky bot Squeaky shoe machine gets to keep Jim's old feet.
|
|
#
?
Jun 10, 2022 15:51
|
|
|
Applewhite posted:Jim rolls into the office on wheels instead of feet. I call him GizmoJim
|
|
#
?
Jun 10, 2022 15:56
|
|
|
Applewhite posted:Jim tells Dwight that he (Dwight) "isn't exactly Leonard Nimoy." The studio audience absolutely loses its poo poo and Dwight has to cover his ears to block out the deafening sounds of cheers and applause. "Hey Dwight, you're the Computo to my Legion of Superheroes! Or, in layman's terms, you're the Zibarro to my Bizarro!" The audience explodes into raucous laughter and Jim mugs for a full 30 seconds before it's quiet enough to talk again. "Well, I'd rather be Zibarro than Rot Lop Fan!" The audience goes completely insane, throwing money, house keys, flowers, and underwear at Dwight and Jim. Jim mugs for the camera. Dwight, who realizes his "joke" makes absolutely no sense, feels the terrible shame and dread he's felt every day since Jim convinced the producers of the documentary to make things "way funnier and more Bazinga-y".
|
|
#
?
Jun 10, 2022 16:49
|
|
|
|
| # ? May 29, 2024 19:36 |
|
|
Dwight points out to Jim that a lot of the things Jim has been doing are more like hijinks than pranks, and that several of Jim's zany undertakings have involved Dwight only peripherally if at all. Jim points out to Dwight that "gullible" is written on the ceiling above him. When Dwight looks up, a bowl full of bouillabaisse falls on his face.
|
|
#
?
Jun 10, 2022 16:50
|
|