Knyteguy's Finances: More harebrained schemes than a sitcom dad

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Ask/Tell > Business, Finance, and Careers > Knyteguy's Finances: More harebrained schemes than a sitcom dad

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Dwight Eisenhower: Jan 24, 2006; Indeed, I think that people want peace so much that one of these days governments had better get out of the way and let them have it.

Knyteguy posted:

Monday my boss is out of town, so I'll start calling first thing then. I'll just start using my salary time like I'm actually salaried for visits. I've been putting in a lot of extra time to the company lately, so I deserve a little back.

So this is a plan, and you've shared it, so thank you. If this is your plan then go ahead and execute it. However:

I am not satisfied that this plan will get you an appointment before May 1st.
You will have 13 days on which to go before May 1st.
You will have 9 weekdays on which to go before May 1st.
If you do not call on Monday you will catch hell, and justifiably so.

Good luck.

# ? Apr 15, 2016 19:16

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# ? Jun 6, 2024 16:19

Adiabatic: Nov 18, 2007; What have you assholes done now?

SiGmA_X posted:

He needs more than that to do AC.

Care to elaborate?

He needs exactly that (and a $8 can tap and some r134a with dye) to test and recharge the system.

If he actually needs to replace anything, he needs a vacuum pump and a source of air. However, depending on the severity of the leak (if there is one... it's an old car) he can run with a recharge for quite a while. Depending on the faulty component, it may even be cheaper to just keep recharging it.

This is all hypothetical though, contingent on doing a test of the system and recharging it with dye. Which is what he'd be doing with what I showed him. Which is exactly what an independent shop would do as a first step, only they'd charge him more and take longer.

# ? Apr 15, 2016 19:17

bringer: Oct 16, 2005; I'm out there Jerry and I'm LOVING EVERY MINUTE OF IT

Knyteguy posted:

Contentedness scares me though. If you're content then why have ambition?

My happiness and self worth isn't completely tied no. That said a business for me is a creative outlet for me to do what I want (ie not work on the same mobile app features for 2 years). It's fulfilling for me to take on the projects I want to do, to actually make websites (all I've done since I was like 12 and I got the internet), to make money completely on my own, etc. You're right that some of my recent negativity may be tied into this as a symptom, but I haven't been feeling all that negative. Just driven. Incredibly driven. This is how I used to feel, and it's made me feel really good. Like I'm actually capable of allowing myself to start something, instead of feeling the need to hinder it.

To prove a point:

Each of those bars is a day.

Today is the most negative day I've had in awhile. I know why, but this business has nothing to do with it. That why is why I want therapy.

edit: and like I said it's not that I want to quit my job for this or spend oodles of unplanned money or anything. I just want to try it. It ties in with my consulting which I feel like I can sustain the business on if nothing else.

Monday my boss is out of town, so I'll start calling first thing then. I'll just start using my salary time like I'm actually salaried for visits. I've been putting in a lot of extra time to the company lately, so I deserve a little back.

Awesome. I'm glad you're feeling good, I'm just concerned because I've personally been there before and the whiplash from "this is great, everything is going well, I'm SO into this!" to "ugh, this isn't working out and is really depressing because I had such great ~~hopes~~ plans!" can be severe.

# ? Apr 15, 2016 19:25

SiGmA_X: May 3, 2004; SiGmA_X

Adiabatic posted:

Care to elaborate?

He needs exactly that (and a $8 can tap and some r134a with dye) to test and recharge the system.

If he actually needs to replace anything, he needs a vacuum pump and a source of air. However, depending on the severity of the leak (if there is one... it's an old car) he can run with a recharge for quite a while. Depending on the faulty component, it may even be cheaper to just keep recharging it.

This is all hypothetical though, contingent on doing a test of the system and recharging it with dye. Which is what he'd be doing with what I showed him. Which is exactly what an independent shop would do as a first step, only they'd charge him more and take longer.

Okay, yes. I just assume with an old car (5yrs+?) you're going to find a leak. With a car as old as his, it may have dye already and an obvious leak. I'd get a UV lamp too.

To start, gauges, a can with dye, and a UV lamp. Then a vacuum pump and repair parts.

# ? Apr 15, 2016 19:37

Knyteguy: Jul 6, 2005; YES to love
NO to shirts; Toilet Rascal

Dwight Eisenhower posted:

So this is a plan, and you've shared it, so thank you. If this is your plan then go ahead and execute it. However:

I am not satisfied that this plan will get you an appointment before May 1st.
You will have 13 days on which to go before May 1st.
You will have 9 weekdays on which to go before May 1st.
If you do not call on Monday you will catch hell, and justifiably so.

Good luck.

Thanks, and I'll make sure I do. I'm a good procrastinator.

Adiabatic posted:

Care to elaborate?

He needs exactly that (and a $8 can tap and some r134a with dye) to test and recharge the system.

If he actually needs to replace anything, he needs a vacuum pump and a source of air. However, depending on the severity of the leak (if there is one... it's an old car) he can run with a recharge for quite a while. Depending on the faulty component, it may even be cheaper to just keep recharging it.

This is all hypothetical though, contingent on doing a test of the system and recharging it with dye. Which is what he'd be doing with what I showed him. Which is exactly what an independent shop would do as a first step, only they'd charge him more and take longer.

Interested in this development. I could always do what my frugal grandma did and keep a squirt bottle in the car to spray water on myself to cool off (haha no joke we did this going through Death Valley once).

bringer posted:

Awesome. I'm glad you're feeling good, I'm just concerned because I've personally been there before and the whiplash from "this is great, everything is going well, I'm SO into this!" to "ugh, this isn't working out and is really depressing because I had such great ~~hopes~~ plans!" can be severe.

I feel ya. I want to take this... very slowly. A few hours on the weekend for client acquisition, and etc. One thing I learned from my neighbor with the data center is not to give up on this (ambition, not a particular business idea). He had like 10+ failed businesses, and now he owns two houses, has a massive two story garage in his back yard, etc. My pie in the sky is a super car, his was a yacht. I think he sold his business before he got the yacht though.

But what you said tells me something: I need to try to be as emotionally unattached as possible to the business. This is like my boss and his hoverboards, or just the fact that he keeps his PaaS business going. He's just (still) throwing away so much money that he could invest. Gotta know when to fold em.

Also yes I am familiar with what you mentioned - taking negativity out on X when that's just a symptom of something. I'll look into that with the therapist. One thing I didn't do last time that I want to do this time is bring some notes so I remember what I want to talk about.

# ? Apr 15, 2016 19:47

Adiabatic: Nov 18, 2007; What have you assholes done now?

SiGmA_X posted:

Okay, yes. I just assume with an old car (5yrs+?) you're going to find a leak. With a car as old as his, it may have dye already and an obvious leak. I'd get a UV lamp too.

To start, gauges, a can with dye, and a UV lamp. Then a vacuum pump and repair parts.

Yeah that's definitely a valid assumption.

Knyteguy you still have the UV lamp from your highschool bedroom?

# ? Apr 15, 2016 19:48

Knyteguy: Jul 6, 2005; YES to love
NO to shirts; Toilet Rascal

Adiabatic posted:

Yeah that's definitely a valid assumption.

Knyteguy you still have the UV lamp from your highschool bedroom?

No but I can pick one up at Walmart (or Spencers probably) if necessary. How's that work?

# ? Apr 15, 2016 19:49

bringer: Oct 16, 2005; I'm out there Jerry and I'm LOVING EVERY MINUTE OF IT

Knyteguy posted:

I feel ya. I want to take this... very slowly. A few hours on the weekend for client acquisition, and etc. One thing I learned from my neighbor with the data center is not to give up on this (ambition, not a particular business idea). He had like 10+ failed businesses, and now he owns two houses, has a massive two story garage in his back yard, etc. My pie in the sky is a super car, his was a yacht. I think he sold his business before he got the yacht though.

But what you said tells me something: I need to try to be as emotionally unattached as possible to the business. This is like my boss and his hoverboards, or just the fact that he keeps his PaaS business going. He's just (still) throwing away so much money that he could invest. Gotta know when to fold em.

Also yes I am familiar with what you mentioned - taking negativity out on X when that's just a symptom of something. I'll look into that with the therapist. One thing I didn't do last time that I want to do this time is bring some notes so I remember what I want to talk about.

Bitchin'! I've got nothing else to add then, except have a great weekend.

# ? Apr 15, 2016 20:07

Adiabatic: Nov 18, 2007; What have you assholes done now?

Knyteguy posted:

No but I can pick one up at Walmart (or Spencers probably) if necessary. How's that work?

Who knows if you wanted this much detail but oh well here you go. FYI Motronic's baller A/C instruction thread I linked earlier lays the following out way better than I do and he's a lot better at it than I am.

To lay out what SiGmA_X and I are talking about, A/C repair is generally a multi-step process, with a few options from the get-go.

1. One of the components has died. You find this out when you try to recharge the system and it won't take at all. You buy a bunch of poo poo, replace the part and the desiccant pack, vacuum the system with your new vacuum pump, and recharge the system. $$$$$$$$

2. There's an obstruction in the system. Same as #1.

3. It's leaking from a hole in the system. If your car's been recharged with dye before, it'll show up with a UV light. If not, you need to recharge the system with R134a with UV dye added, enjoy your cold air, and wait for it to go warm again. It might go warm in a few days, and it might take a few years. It all depends on the severity of the leak. Independent shops are horrible at explaining this and this is why people don't trust them. Once your system goes warm again, you then shine the light everywhere and find what component is leaking. You see how much the component (plus a desiccant pack and a vacuum pump) will cost and weigh that with how much you'll be paying to just continue to recharge the system (like $40 for 2 cans, per however long it took to go warm again.).

4. The components are fine, no leaks anywhere. Your R134a has all escaped through the tube-hose connections over the years and all you need is a recharge.

Numbers 1 and 2 you'll know immediately once you try to recharge the system with those gauges. Numbers 3 and 4 you'll find out if/when your system goes warm again after you recharge the system with those gauges. If it's number 3 and someone's recharged it before and put UV dye in with the R134a, you can run a UV light around and it'll show up right now, so do that first. In all but #4 (and #3 if the leak is minor and the recharge lasts you for months and you'd rather just keep recharging it) you'll need to buy more stuff and do some pretty gnarly repairs, but #3 and #4 are definitely the most common problems.

My point is that buying those $60 gauges, plus some R134a, is the required first step to fixing all of those problems and an essential diag tool. There's also a very good chance that the recharge is all you'll need to fix it, or the leak is small enough that it'll last for years on that one recharge.

Shops charge at least $150 to recharge, and your first DIY recharge will cost you $110. Subsequent recharges will cost you $40. Those gauges work on any car with an R134a system (required after 1993-ish). GWM in my book.

Adiabatic fucked around with this message at 20:23 on Apr 15, 2016

# ? Apr 15, 2016 20:18

MrEnigma: Aug 30, 2004; Moo!

I'll probably catch flack from this, but I want to talk about the business plan a bit. I think you're being blinded by dollar signs, and missing that a majority of businesses are a lot of work, and while providing a good income, can also wreck work/life balance.

You mentioned charging $75 a month for a client. Say you have 100 clients. That comes to $7500 a month. There are of course going to be costs there. I'm probably just going to scratch the surface on possible costs. But offsite backups, disaster recovery, billing, getting clients, dealing with churn (a certain percent will leave each month/year). Probably lots more that I am forgetting there, just around running a business.

But the big thing here, if you're scraping a site for a client, and giving them ~2-4 hours a month for 'free', that doesn't scale whatsoever.

Even if your costs go down, all the other pain points go up. Chasing down 100 clients for billing, upgrading a server with 100 clients on it and having things be deprecated/etc. Having 100 clients makes the chances go up by 100x that you'll have to do something on a night/weekend or have two clients complaining at once. What happens if you want to go on vacation, or not be on call 24/7? If you're chasing the very bottom rung on clients that just need basic hosting, you're competing against the likes of squarespace.

I'm not saying this won't work, but at a 100 clients minus expenses (say roughly 50% for everything), leaves you with not all that much money. And that's assuming you can get that many clients and keep them, and continue to keep them. Sure that's a good amount of extra money a month, but it's also a ton of extra hassle and headache, and that really seems to be what annoys you the most with your current job, not the lack of income (although you say otherwise).

# ? Apr 15, 2016 20:33

Grumpwagon: May 6, 2007; I am a giant assfuck who needs to harden the fuck up.

Also, it seems like you're in this for the chance to work with cool hardware in a colo, but most of this stuff is being moved to AWS anyway. (Have we had this conversation before? I really feel like we have).

# ? Apr 15, 2016 20:49

Knyteguy: Jul 6, 2005; YES to love
NO to shirts; Toilet Rascal

Grumpwagon posted:

Also, it seems like you're in this for the chance to work with cool hardware in a colo, but most of this stuff is being moved to AWS anyway. (Have we had this conversation before? I really feel like we have).

No I don't think so. Hosting maybe, but I've never thought of colocating.

Many of these cloud providers are expensive. I have BizSpark credits with Azure but I don't want to get tangled in that while it's so expensive.

You bet I want to play with some hardware! That's the part of the doing what I want. I can make money off of this, even if it's not the big bucks. I already do and did. However if it takes too much to get going with hardware then I'd probably start with someone else's service.

bringer posted:

Bitchin'! I've got nothing else to add then, except have a great weekend.

Thanks man, you too.

MrEnigma posted:

I'll probably catch flack from this, but I want to talk about the business plan a bit. I think you're being blinded by dollar signs, and missing that a majority of businesses are a lot of work, and while providing a good income, can also wreck work/life balance.

You mentioned charging $75 a month for a client. Say you have 100 clients. That comes to $7500 a month. There are of course going to be costs there. I'm probably just going to scratch the surface on possible costs. But offsite backups, disaster recovery, billing, getting clients, dealing with churn (a certain percent will leave each month/year). Probably lots more that I am forgetting there, just around running a business.

But the big thing here, if you're scraping a site for a client, and giving them ~2-4 hours a month for 'free', that doesn't scale whatsoever.

Even if your costs go down, all the other pain points go up. Chasing down 100 clients for billing, upgrading a server with 100 clients on it and having things be deprecated/etc. Having 100 clients makes the chances go up by 100x that you'll have to do something on a night/weekend or have two clients complaining at once. What happens if you want to go on vacation, or not be on call 24/7? If you're chasing the very bottom rung on clients that just need basic hosting, you're competing against the likes of squarespace.

I'm not saying this won't work, but at a 100 clients minus expenses (say roughly 50% for everything), leaves you with not all that much money. And that's assuming you can get that many clients and keep them, and continue to keep them. Sure that's a good amount of extra money a month, but it's also a ton of extra hassle and headache, and that really seems to be what annoys you the most with your current job, not the lack of income (although you say otherwise).

Oh I know it's work and time. I had my failed venture back at that apartment because it just took too much time. That's why I want to take it slow this time. I want to avoid burn out.

Sure let's talk about the business plan. I think I knew sharing it that there would be holes.

Right - support time was what made this impractical before. As I said before there were many 18 hour days, and sometimes more. However these guys offer 24/7 hosting support: https://bobcares.com/remote-technical-support/managed-services/outsourced-helpdesk-support/startup-help-desk-support/ for $100/mo for the first 100 accounts/1st server. I could probably handle 10-20 accounts on my own without much trouble (and charge $75/hr). Again this is from experience I've done this before. I just intend on saying no/pay me then to customers more often. "No I won't convert your DB from Access to SQL as part of my standard customer service".

Anyway here's a review I found of my old host: http://www.webhostingstuff.com/comments/PlusWebHost-28285.html. I'll modify that slightly and use that as a testimonial. Plus I have my grandma, and a testimonial from my $75/mo client.

You make some good points that I'd like to layout in a cost plan to see what's going on, but I'll need to do that later tonight. I'll have to make an educated guess on colo prices.

I'm not interested in competing with the LCD players in the game. I tried that before. It's too much work. I want either tech ignorant people who want a web presence, or companies who know what they're doing and can see that I do as well. I could potentially market to ecommerce companies since that's really my niche.

Adiabatic posted:

Who knows if you wanted this much detail but oh well here you go. FYI Motronic's baller A/C instruction thread I linked earlier lays the following out way better than I do and he's a lot better at it than I am.

To lay out what SiGmA_X and I are talking about, A/C repair is generally a multi-step process, with a few options from the get-go.

1. One of the components has died. You find this out when you try to recharge the system and it won't take at all. You buy a bunch of poo poo, replace the part and the desiccant pack, vacuum the system with your new vacuum pump, and recharge the system. $$$$$$$$

2. There's an obstruction in the system. Same as #1.

3. It's leaking from a hole in the system. If your car's been recharged with dye before, it'll show up with a UV light. If not, you need to recharge the system with R134a with UV dye added, enjoy your cold air, and wait for it to go warm again. It might go warm in a few days, and it might take a few years. It all depends on the severity of the leak. Independent shops are horrible at explaining this and this is why people don't trust them. Once your system goes warm again, you then shine the light everywhere and find what component is leaking. You see how much the component (plus a desiccant pack and a vacuum pump) will cost and weigh that with how much you'll be paying to just continue to recharge the system (like $40 for 2 cans, per however long it took to go warm again.).

4. The components are fine, no leaks anywhere. Your R134a has all escaped through the tube-hose connections over the years and all you need is a recharge.

Numbers 1 and 2 you'll know immediately once you try to recharge the system with those gauges. Numbers 3 and 4 you'll find out if/when your system goes warm again after you recharge the system with those gauges. If it's number 3 and someone's recharged it before and put UV dye in with the R134a, you can run a UV light around and it'll show up right now, so do that first. In all but #4 (and #3 if the leak is minor and the recharge lasts you for months and you'd rather just keep recharging it) you'll need to buy more stuff and do some pretty gnarly repairs, but #3 and #4 are definitely the most common problems.

My point is that buying those $60 gauges, plus some R134a, is the required first step to fixing all of those problems and an essential diag tool. There's also a very good chance that the recharge is all you'll need to fix it, or the leak is small enough that it'll last for years on that one recharge.

Shops charge at least $150 to recharge, and your first DIY recharge will cost you $110. Subsequent recharges will cost you $40. Those gauges work on any car with an R134a system (required after 1993-ish). GWM in my book.

OK doesn't sound tooo bad. Thanks. I may have to hold off for a month or so, but I'd like to do this.

I will however do the MAF sensor stuff this weekend. The guy I bought the Camaro from before installed a $500 MAF pipe or something (I don't know the part name). I wouldn't be surprised if he screwed something up.

Knyteguy fucked around with this message at 22:28 on Apr 15, 2016

# ? Apr 15, 2016 22:20

Knyteguy: Jul 6, 2005; YES to love
NO to shirts; Toilet Rascal

Contacted a psychologist about an appointment. I'll get a callback on Monday at the latest. Hopefully tonight. I'll continue looking Monday.

Boom. I'm taking steps, OK? Now I'm going to lay out a business plan to see if this is viable tonight. I have faith I can make this work. I'm not underestimating the time sink this could potentially be. It actually scares me a little.

10 hours at work (I'm still at work) and I'm thinking about more work. God help me.

edit called 3 psychologists 1 3 psychiatrists.

e: I have an appointment for 4/26 in the morning, I believe with a psychiatrist but I asked for both (it's a shared office or something). I told you jerkbags I would get it done :agesilaus:

Knyteguy fucked around with this message at 01:33 on Apr 16, 2016

# ? Apr 16, 2016 01:04

foxatee: Feb 27, 2010; That foxatee is always making a Piggles out of herself.

There is nothing wrong with being content. It just means you're happy with where you are now. It's not an end to working toward something better.
Honestly, I wish you'd stop comparing your life to others. You are constantly looking over the fence to see how much greener the grass is over there when you should be focused on tending your own.
Weren't you just complaining about not having enough family time, and now you want to start up a business that you have admitted will be stressful and perhaps time-consuming?
I really don't understand you. What exactly are your priorities? Because they seem to change often.
-----
How many days sober? How many without cigarettes?

# ? Apr 16, 2016 03:18

the talent deficit: Dec 20, 2003; self-deprecation is a very british trait, and problems can arise when the british attempt to do so with a foreign culture

I don't want to get you down Knyteguy but web hosting is a dead industry. If a small to medium business wants a web presence now they just use Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Google Map's business pages or, if they really, really want their own website they use Squarespace or Wix or something. For ecommerce there's Amazon, Etsy, Ebay and Shopify. Also, a t2.nano on AWS can handle 1k+ qps and is literally free. Google App Engine is free for low traffic sites too I think. Spending real money for hardware in a colo is absurd in 2016 if all you are going to do is host some extremely low traffic sites.

I think a way better return on time invested would be putting together a portfolio of mobile apps or single page apps using react or angular or something. That's something you can use to market yourself to future employers. If you are dead set on running a server at least do it on AWS or google's hosted kubernetes platform and learn some extremely in demand devops skills.

edit: I just checked and you can get a five node kubernetes cluster on GCE for free. You could probably host all the small and medium size business websites in Nevada on that. Please don't buy hardware

the talent deficit fucked around with this message at 03:59 on Apr 16, 2016

# ? Apr 16, 2016 03:56

Grumpwagon: May 6, 2007; I am a giant assfuck who needs to harden the fuck up.

the talent deficit posted:

I don't want to get you down Knyteguy but web hosting is a dead industry. If a small to medium business wants a web presence now they just use Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Google Map's business pages or, if they really, really want their own website they use Squarespace or Wix or something. For ecommerce there's Amazon, Etsy, Ebay and Shopify. Also, a t2.nano on AWS can handle 1k+ qps and is literally free. Google App Engine is free for low traffic sites too I think. Spending real money for hardware in a colo is absurd in 2016 if all you are going to do is host some extremely low traffic sites.

I think a way better return on time invested would be putting together a portfolio of mobile apps or single page apps using react or angular or something. That's something you can use to market yourself to future employers. If you are dead set on running a server at least do it on AWS or google's hosted kubernetes platform and learn some extremely in demand devops skills.

edit: I just checked and you can get a five node kubernetes cluster on GCE for free. You could probably host all the small and medium size business websites in Nevada on that. Please don't buy hardware

You said what I was trying to say earlier, but much better. Thanks.

# ? Apr 16, 2016 04:17

Knyteguy: Jul 6, 2005; YES to love
NO to shirts; Toilet Rascal

the talent deficit posted:

I don't want to get you down Knyteguy but web hosting is a dead industry. If a small to medium business wants a web presence now they just use Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Google Map's business pages or, if they really, really want their own website they use Squarespace or Wix or something. For ecommerce there's Amazon, Etsy, Ebay and Shopify. Also, a t2.nano on AWS can handle 1k+ qps and is literally free. Google App Engine is free for low traffic sites too I think. Spending real money for hardware in a colo is absurd in 2016 if all you are going to do is host some extremely low traffic sites.

I think a way better return on time invested would be putting together a portfolio of mobile apps or single page apps using react or angular or something. That's something you can use to market yourself to future employers. If you are dead set on running a server at least do it on AWS or google's hosted kubernetes platform and learn some extremely in demand devops skills.

edit: I just checked and you can get a five node kubernetes cluster on GCE for free. You could probably host all the small and medium size business websites in Nevada on that. Please don't buy hardware

That Kubernetes is pretty cool. This industry moves too quickly; it's difficult to keep up.

Those eCommerce platforms are useful of course. I run my own eBay based business. But the fees are high, and the level of control is small. Even nice listings like my own end up looking awful because eBay changes their templating system so often. I also ran a Shopify business for my microscopes for example, and not only was it prohibitively expensive, but the platform itself was just really unfriendly for customization. It really felt like they wanted to ram a template down your throat.

I definitely believe that there is room in the market still for things like WooCommerce, nopCommerce, and some of the other PHP-based ones, etc. Hell nopCommerce just started its own convention.

If I'm not a web host then I can be a "solution consultant and web manager". I can resell those services. I can setup a "small business package" "hosted on enterprise-grade rock solid Amazon Cloud/Google Cloud instances" "with Yelp, Facebook, and Google Maps setup". $75/mo and you know your website "is always there" and you'll always have "complete control over your company's website"*.

* 2 year contract necessary with exit clause available.
* $200 initial setup fee required
* FREE 3-page website for your business with signup

Just have to market it and get it to a numbers game.

But it sounds like buying hardware would be foolish at this stage, so I'll need to modify the plan to not include that.

I've also created software while consulting to manage eBay and Amazon inventory with one program, and I can definitely get paid to get listings up like this (which is my own):

foxatee posted:

There is nothing wrong with being content. It just means you're happy with where you are now. It's not an end to working toward something better.
Honestly, I wish you'd stop comparing your life to others. You are constantly looking over the fence to see how much greener the grass is over there when you should be focused on tending your own.
Weren't you just complaining about not having enough family time, and now you want to start up a business that you have admitted will be stressful and perhaps time-consuming?
I really don't understand you. What exactly are your priorities? Because they seem to change often.
-----
How many days sober? How many without cigarettes?

But I'm not happy where I am now. I resent the fact that I'm underpaid now. When I started I wasn't close to underpaid, but I hate the daily grind when I've entertained two offers for $15,000 more a year.

We have the greenest drat grass in the neighborhood foxatee :arghfist:

. Literally not metaphorically.

You bet. Family time is the important thing. But I'm willing to sacrifice a little now for large gains later. The status quo isn't something I'm happy with re: time.

Same as they've always been. Do my best to retire by 40. I said that in my original thread, and I say that now. How I get there matters less to me. I need to solidify some financial discipline via repeated success, and then make enough money to make it happen. Via business via employment it doesn't matter to me.

0 days sober
Something like 3 weeks without a cigarette. Haven't had one since I quit. The urges are much less now.

Slipped last week drinking a beer with family, slipped again this week by not being very able to handle some of the stress. I bought two drinks yesterday, drank one, threw 95% of the other out.

I was 3.5 months before that. I need to implement this stress relief stuff. I've just been unable to cope very well with that DUI my mom got. And it's just not even just the DUI. She's a loving wreck. Like she has memory loss. She was I think not on anything, she locked her keys out of her room, and then I had to break down her door (night after the DUI). She didn't even remember it the next day. Her doctor (not a psychiatrist but just a normal GP MD) has been prescribing her like 5-10 different medications for her mental illness and it's just making poo poo worse. On top of everything she's pounding down Xanax (a benzo) to the point where she withdrawals on them if she stops.

Like I am just completely unable to cope with it. It's just such a decline from who she was. Ever since that night with the DUI I've just had this ball of stress in my stomach. Intensely strong.

That's why I mentioned wanting to implement some stress relief, and why I want therapy. I need help with how to deal with this. It's going to get me in a cycle and I need to put a stop to it. It's just a fight right now again.

/EN

e: And I guess the need to run the business fits in like this: No matter what I'm making with an employer, running a business for me is something I need to do. Of some sort. It's tough to explain, but it's not wholly financial. A lot of it is financial, but not all of it.

Knyteguy fucked around with this message at 16:43 on Apr 16, 2016

# ? Apr 16, 2016 16:03

n8r: Jul 3, 2003; I helped Lowtax become a cyborg and all I got was this lousy avatar

Glad some folks chimed in on the more technical side of the hosting issues. I can tell you that trying to keep 100 $75/month customers in line and paying bills would probably be a huge headache. In fact $75 might be the worst pricepoint of customer as they probably have some needs beyond $10/month hosting, but not the $$$ of 'dedicated hosting' sorts of customers.

All of this time you could spend trying to start a business in a crowded market you could spend learning new marketable skills. I understand the desire to run your own business, but that isn't the only way to build wealth. Having skills that are in high demand / well compensated is another great way to go. Develop some in demand skills, and you might be able to come up with business ideas that are in demand as well.

If you really want to create a business, I think you need to look into something far more niche. I know you have mentioned microscopes in the past, is there a part of the market that is not being well served? In Reno, is there a certain type of business that might need IT support? I know of a business here locally that does work specifically with dentists, think website/IT support/branding.

You need to think about your exit strategy when it comes to running a business. I think you could probably run a little hosting company for a few businesses, but would you ever be able to sell this company or make a living off of it? What is the competitive advantage your hosting company would have?

I think you should reach out to SCORE - these guys do free business consulting:
https://www.score.org/chapters-map

You really need to step back from what your current skills might be, to what would be a really viable business.

# ? Apr 16, 2016 16:46

RheaConfused: Jan 22, 2004; I feel the need.
The need... for

Knyte, how have you been doing on physical exercise? I know back in February you talked about having set up your home gym. The weather is great right now for bike riding. This could also really help you with your sleep issues. I know anecdotal evidence is frowned on here, but I have gone through almost exactly what you are going through with your mom. The difference is, I knew my mom's substance abuse was the core of her problems. Her memory loss came from mixing benzos like crazy. I had to commit her for a month before she could take care of herself again. Plus, I've been in grief counseling for a separate issue. And you know what happened when I gave in and went to my grief counselor again and LISTENED to her?

I got better. Immediately.

She was able to help me see that I wasn't practicing self care. Exercise really really helps me. I think you should give that a try. I sleep better and my stress is much lower and I'm just better at dealing with everything. You need to practice some self care.

Really think about what it means that you dealt with the stress of your mom's DUI by drinking. That's really bad.

edit: More anecdotal. My husband has been sober since February of 2015. Because he is an alcoholic. It took us a really long time to come to grips with that, because he is not what you would traditionally think of as an alcoholic. He didn't drink on a daily basis. But once every few months, he would start drinking at home during the day (bad!) and wouldn't be able to stop. He would get drunk and pass out. We share a car, so 5pm would come around and I wouldn't be able to get ahold of him and I would catch a ride home and there he would be on the couch asleep. This only happened 2 or 3 times, but it was enough. Other times, he would drink at home and throw out the bottles before I got home. Again, it wasn't daily or even weekly. Any time you feel like you can't say no is a clue. He's been so much happier and healthier. Obviously, there is a lot more history behind this, but this is what finally made us realize, just because it doesn't walk like a duck and talk like a duck, doesn't mean that it's NOT a duck. So to speak.

I, as a child of an addict, deserve better than to live that life again. And so do you.

RheaConfused fucked around with this message at 17:21 on Apr 16, 2016

# ? Apr 16, 2016 17:14

strawberrymousse: Jul 13, 2012; BEHOLD, THE DRAMATIC REVEAL!

Knyteguy posted:

- Thirdly this has to do with my old therapy advice (yes I still 100% intend on going again, April 1 I'll hit it hard and start calling around)

Knyteguy posted:

Oh yeah I understand the craziness that will ensue if I don't hit that therapy date. Plus I do want to do it. The date was for me too. I just don't want to talk about it.

...

Well the appointment toxx is just to get my rear end in gear. I'll make sure I choose someone I like. That's for me, too.

Knyteguy posted:

A) Correct. But I waiver between wanting to go and not wanting to go.
B) Also correct. I've even mentioned in here that I wouldn't go if everyone wouldn't stop mentioning it.

I just don't like being pushed into stuff.

It's like if I don't want to go then I'm not going to go. This is my choice, and I intend to keep it that way. It will be my choice to start calling when I plan on calling. No amount of badgering will change that fact for me. And frankly I feel like everyone is going "therapy therapy therapy" when the point in this thread when I really needed therapy was when I was already getting it.

Knyteguy posted:

That's why I mentioned wanting to implement some stress relief, and why I want therapy. I need help with how to deal with this. It's going to get me in a cycle and I need to put a stop to it. It's just a fight right now again.

Knyteguy. These quotes are all from the last 30 days. Now, you've lied to the thread so many times that at this point I don't know if you were always lying about wanting therapy and the "gently caress you you're not my real Dad, thread" reaction was the truth at last, or if you actually do want therapy but are absolutely loving compulsive about never ever ever taking good advice even when you yourself solicited it. In either case, there is a problem here.

Also, you have admitted to this thread that you correlated drinking with impulsive spending. Do you maybe want to think really carefully about how this out of nowhere business plan to ~~spend money on fun hardware~~ "I'll totally achieve financial independence this time for real you guys :colbert:

" maaaaaaaybe could be part of that pattern?

# ? Apr 16, 2016 17:35

n8r: Jul 3, 2003; I helped Lowtax become a cyborg and all I got was this lousy avatar

What happened with that most recent interview that was local? I'm guessing you didn't get the job, do you know why?

# ? Apr 16, 2016 17:38

Knyteguy: Jul 6, 2005; YES to love
NO to shirts; Toilet Rascal

strawberrymousse posted:

Knyteguy. These quotes are all from the last 30 days. Now, you've lied to the thread so many times that at this point I don't know if you were always lying about wanting therapy and the "gently caress you you're not my real Dad, thread" reaction was the truth at last, or if you actually do want therapy but are absolutely loving compulsive about never ever ever taking good advice even when you yourself solicited it. In either case, there is a problem here.

Also, you have admitted to this thread that you correlated drinking with impulsive spending. Do you maybe want to think really carefully about how this out of nowhere business plan to ~~spend money on fun hardware~~ "I'll totally achieve financial independence this time for real you guys " maaaaaaaybe could be part of that pattern?

I'm not lying at all.I disagree that this out of nowhere business plan is out of nowhere. I've been talking about moving to a consulting gig for months now. I'm trying to get that piece of the puzzle in with some passive income. I've been trying to come up with an idea for 3 years now, from the microscopes and on. Spending money in November on something fun out of my discretionary that could potentially make money seems like some sort of Knyteguy anti-pattern. If I just went out and bought some of the latest Xeon grade hardware with a server cabinet then sure, but this is taking real steps towards implementing a company with a plan.

I'm also in a good industry for it, and something like 2% of developers run their own company I was just looking at the stats. I mean this is something I've wanted to do for a very long time. I did 2 years of classes towards a business degree before I switched to comp-sci. I've always wanted to mix the two. I got started out in the industry as a consultant for 1.5 years even.

So yeah no I need to come up with a viable plan, but I will not give up on this without a good try. Again if I try and fail then so be it. I'm not talking right this minute, but I think it's a reasonable expectation for me to have a plan in place by the end of the year, and for me to begin implementing that within the following 6 months.

So basically I'm not sure what you're saying here. I'm not sold on this, I haven't done anything but look at the viability of such a thing, and I've shown myself to be open to input.

n8r posted:

Glad some folks chimed in on the more technical side of the hosting issues. I can tell you that trying to keep 100 $75/month customers in line and paying bills would probably be a huge headache. In fact $75 might be the worst pricepoint of customer as they probably have some needs beyond $10/month hosting, but not the $$$ of 'dedicated hosting' sorts of customers.

All of this time you could spend trying to start a business in a crowded market you could spend learning new marketable skills. I understand the desire to run your own business, but that isn't the only way to build wealth. Having skills that are in high demand / well compensated is another great way to go. Develop some in demand skills, and you might be able to come up with business ideas that are in demand as well.

If you really want to create a business, I think you need to look into something far more niche. I know you have mentioned microscopes in the past, is there a part of the market that is not being well served? In Reno, is there a certain type of business that might need IT support? I know of a business here locally that does work specifically with dentists, think website/IT support/branding.

You need to think about your exit strategy when it comes to running a business. I think you could probably run a little hosting company for a few businesses, but would you ever be able to sell this company or make a living off of it? What is the competitive advantage your hosting company would have?

I think you should reach out to SCORE - these guys do free business consulting:
https://www.score.org/chapters-map

You really need to step back from what your current skills might be, to what would be a really viable business.

Thanks I'll look into it when I'm a little less stressed out.

RheaConfused posted:

Knyte, how have you been doing on physical exercise? I know back in February you talked about having set up your home gym. The weather is great right now for bike riding. This could also really help you with your sleep issues. I know anecdotal evidence is frowned on here, but I have gone through almost exactly what you are going through with your mom. The difference is, I knew my mom's substance abuse was the core of her problems. Her memory loss came from mixing benzos like crazy. I had to commit her for a month before she could take care of herself again. Plus, I've been in grief counseling for a separate issue. And you know what happened when I gave in and went to my grief counselor again and LISTENED to her?

I got better. Immediately.

She was able to help me see that I wasn't practicing self care. Exercise really really helps me. I think you should give that a try. I sleep better and my stress is much lower and I'm just better at dealing with everything. You need to practice some self care.

Really think about what it means that you dealt with the stress of your mom's DUI by drinking. That's really bad.

edit: More anecdotal. My husband has been sober since February of 2015. Because he is an alcoholic. It took us a really long time to come to grips with that, because he is not what you would traditionally think of as an alcoholic. He didn't drink on a daily basis. But once every few months, he would start drinking at home during the day (bad!) and wouldn't be able to stop. He would get drunk and pass out. We share a car, so 5pm would come around and I wouldn't be able to get ahold of him and I would catch a ride home and there he would be on the couch asleep. This only happened 2 or 3 times, but it was enough. Other times, he would drink at home and throw out the bottles before I got home. Again, it wasn't daily or even weekly. Any time you feel like you can't say no is a clue. He's been so much happier and healthier. Obviously, there is a lot more history behind this, but this is what finally made us realize, just because it doesn't walk like a duck and talk like a duck, doesn't mean that it's NOT a duck. So to speak.

I, as a child of an addict, deserve better than to live that life again. And so do you.

Thanks Rhea. Yeah it sucks. I've threatened to commit my mom, but it really doesn't help that my step dad fights me every step of the way. He called me at 11:00pm the night of the DUI saying I needed to go pick her up before the cops did (he was out of town). He wanted to save her from the DUI after wrecking into a fire hydrant at my old high school. She was running from the police and couldn't even remember it.

I said well maybe she should get picked up and deal with the consequences. I then got a small lecture about "I don't need to hear your self-righteousness and holier-than-thou attitude right now; I never ask you for anything!" Yeah we got in a yelling match at that point.

Exercise isn't going well. I worked my rear end off with yard work two weeks ago, and I'll be doing more yard work today. That's a start.

Thanks again I appreciate the anecdotes. It makes me feel better to know I'm not the only one with a crazy mom. Sorry to hear it as well.

n8r posted:

What happened with that most recent interview that was local? I'm guessing you didn't get the job, do you know why?

Ascending order (read top to bottom)

quote:

Knyteguy,
Great to hear back from you � do you have time for a phone call tomorrow (Friday)?

I�d like to set you up to speak with our Engineering Team lead.

Cheers,
Owner

---

Hi Knyteguy,

Please try and complete the following assignment by sometime next week:

Write a command line program that accepts *data* in XML format, and

*program requirements*

Please feel free to ask me any questions you may have and send me the result whenever you�re done.

Best,

Engineering lead

---

Hi Engineering Lead,

My main questions are:

Input: How much can I trust the input from the XML? I'm trying to figure out how defensive I'll need to be when writing the XML parsing, without overengineering. I thought this was particularly important since people's names, titles, and also names of classrooms are a large part of the input. Will there ever be suffixes? Has the input been validated to the point of the XML parsing?

Output: How would we like to handle data that include irregular input above, if necessary? "Jones, Jr." for example. Should the suffix (if it would ever be present) be included be included in the "last_name" field? What would be the expected behavior if the input is not validated, and say a first or last name is missing?

Thanks.

Regards,
Knyteguy

---

Hi Knyteguy,

You can make as fancy or as simple as you like based on the requirements for the assignment.

If any of the fields is missing, just output as empty.

Best,
Engineering Lead

---

... Waited on another question, 3 days later I just sent in the project.

9 days later...

---

Hi Engineering Lead,

I just wanted to follow up on the interview and code test and see where you were in the process.

Thank you for your time.

Regards,
Knyteguy

---

... No response. Following day:

--

Hi Owner,

I seem to be having some trouble following up with Engineering Lead - I sent a question 12 days ago regarding the technical assignment, didn't get a response for a few days, and so I sent along my completed technical test anyway, with a note that I would gladly update it if I got an answer and my presumption was incorrect. Unfortunately I still haven't heard back after sending a followup a week after submitting the test (yesterday).

I'm not even completely sure if my technical response received. I'm just a little confused by the process.

I'll send you my technical interview test just in case there's been a problem with reception: [Github] hopefully the commit date of 9 days ago will vouch for the time finished.

Thank you for your time.

Regards,
Knyteguy

---

Hi Knyteguy

Sorry for the delay response. I've been really busy and to be frank with you, I haven't had the chance yet to review the assignment you sent.
When I do, I will definitely reach out and let you know of our decision. Please allow about 2-3 weeks as we are swamp with other priorities.

Best,
Engineering Lead

---

Hi Knyteguy

Thanks for touching base

Sounds like Engineering Lead got in touch with you around the same time of this note

Apologies for delay � we had over 15 phone calls for this 1 position, I do know that you were in the top ~4 based upon the screening, and before reviewing coding samples.

We have added 1 person per week to the R&D team since Feb 1, in addition to major product releases, so things have been a bit hectic

I apologize and please don�t interpret the delay as a lack of intent in finding the best talent.

Engineering Lead is taking holiday and is driving the hiring process for this decision, so that impacts the timelines somewhat.

Appreciate your patience as well as your persistence and interest in [Company]

We will be in touch..

Owner

And that's where it stands. This is another reason I want my own business. I'm too impatient for things like this.

I may have made a mistake getting a tiny bit pushy, but it was really annoying spending 8 hours on a stupid technical project for something so simple (I made it robust with XML deserialization, etc etc), only to be ignored. Like come on your XML file didn't match with your sample output. I inquired about that, so maybe don't take 12 days to get back to someone on that? :arghfist:

Kind of rude really, and the interviewer was kind of rude from the get go on the initial call. As I said like 10-15 minutes late to the call, no response to my "thank you for the interview", a really short response to my specs question, etc. I understand people are busy but just say so.

Luckily I would be working under [owner] in their Reno office who seems a little more personable.

Knyteguy fucked around with this message at 18:10 on Apr 16, 2016

# ? Apr 16, 2016 18:04

Knyteguy: Jul 6, 2005; YES to love
NO to shirts; Toilet Rascal

Quick doc eval, what do you guys think of this? http://www.yelp.com/biz/assad-abdollah-md-reno-2

That's the guy who I have an appointment with I believe. I was thinking of choosing someone else after seeing that, but I'm not sure what's going on with the industry. I've decided that I will not take any sort of benzo, or anti-depressant.

# ? Apr 16, 2016 18:15

nikosoft: Dec 17, 2011; ghost in the shell, but somehow much worse; College Slice

Just stick to your budget for 3 months in a row without coming up with new ways to spend money to make yourself feel better. Then evaluate.

# ? Apr 16, 2016 19:37

Veskit: Mar 2, 2005; I love capitalism!! DM me for the best investing advice!

Knyteguy posted:

Quick doc eval, what do you guys think of this? http://www.yelp.com/biz/assad-abdollah-md-reno-2

That's the guy who I have an appointment with I believe. I was thinking of choosing someone else after seeing that, but I'm not sure what's going on with the industry. I've decided that I will not take any sort of benzo, or anti-depressant.

Knyte for real I don't know what your mood is to be able to handle criticism on this so I'll sit on my hands until you can say you can handle an honest conversation. Otherwise, I believe you should find the doctor you're most comfortable with, and remember that psych's will never have high ratings given what they do and who they work with.

# ? Apr 16, 2016 19:45

in_cahoots: Sep 12, 2011

Hmm, let me take a look at his reviews since he's only got a 1.5 star rating. Ok, so most people think he over prescribes and he's the subject of a class action lawsuit.

Here's a snippet from #3:

[quote=]
Do not, do not, do not, see this doctor.

If you need psychiatric help, you're going to find that most psychiatrists in Reno have long wait times. And you're going to feel like you need help -now- and that asking you to wait six weeks misses the whole point. Not so with Dr. Assad: he can see you later in the week.
[/quote]

It's almost like she was reading my mind! Is this the best you can find, or just the best you can find with an opening before May 1? I just hope this is a joke post.

# ? Apr 16, 2016 20:30

MAKE NO BABBYS: Jan 28, 2010

You are not even willing to consider taking an anti-depressant?

# ? Apr 16, 2016 20:35

BarbarianElephant: Feb 12, 2015; The fairy of forgiveness has removed your red text.

Don't go to a psychiatrist you know to be poo poo. The only reason for doing so is that you can put yourself up on a cross and lament "I did what you guys told me and it didn't work! I'll never see another therapist! They are all quacks and time wasters!"

# ? Apr 16, 2016 21:08

Knyteguy: Jul 6, 2005; YES to love
NO to shirts; Toilet Rascal

BarbarianElephant posted:

Don't go to a psychiatrist you know to be poo poo. The only reason for doing so is that you can put yourself up on a cross and lament "I did what you guys told me and it didn't work! I'll never see another therapist! They are all quacks and time wasters!"

Why would I want to do that? I'm asking because I don't know. I still have 4-5 messages pending on other place's phones. I'll do more calling Monday I was just doing what I said I would. I called some 5 star rated ones right after seeing those reviews yesterday.

Tablet posting can't quote anyone else.

# ? Apr 16, 2016 21:17

n8r: Jul 3, 2003; I helped Lowtax become a cyborg and all I got was this lousy avatar

It feels like you called the first three names in the Yellow pages. Clearly Assad Abdollah has a real advantage for folks with this strategy. Do you know if he takes your insurance? Do you know how much each appointment will cost? It feels a little like you're attempting to self sabotage. Finding good therapy/mental health help is, in my opinion, the most important thing you can be doing for yourself right now. Do you honestly feel like you've given the time/research/attention this matter deserves?

# ? Apr 16, 2016 21:28

BarbarianElephant: Feb 12, 2015; The fairy of forgiveness has removed your red text.

Knyteguy posted:

Why would I want to do that?

Because that's what you did waaaaay back when you took a lovely house and then broke your lease on it when you could stand it no longer. You were all "It's not faaaaair! You guys told me to do it!" When the thread said no such thing. Know thyself.

Do see a psychiatrist or therapist. But not Aaaron Aaardvarkson just because he was the first one you dialed. You ideally want a therapist specializing in addiction issues because booze is clearly kicking your arse at the moment. Compulsive spending is also an addiction issue.

You need to make very sure that your insurance covers whoever you see because out of pocket they are *very* expensive.

# ? Apr 16, 2016 21:37

Knyteguy: Jul 6, 2005; YES to love
NO to shirts; Toilet Rascal

BarbarianElephant posted:

Because that's what you did waaaaay back when you took a lovely house and then broke your lease on it when you could stand it no longer. You were all "It's not faaaaair! You guys told me to do it!" When the thread said no such thing. Know thyself.

Do see a psychiatrist or therapist. But not Aaaron Aaardvarkson just because he was the first one you dialed. You ideally want a therapist specializing in addiction issues because booze is clearly kicking your arse at the moment. Compulsive spending is also an addiction issue.

You need to make very sure that your insurance covers whoever you see because out of pocket they are *very* expensive.

Huh? I took complete blame for that apartment. I think the thread may have advised me against taking it in the first place. And frankly we were trying to save money.

E nvm on the rest. I'm taking a thread break for the weekend. Need to take a step back. I'm just getting irrationally angry.

Knyteguy fucked around with this message at 22:06 on Apr 16, 2016

# ? Apr 16, 2016 22:00

Namarrgon: Dec 23, 2008; Congratulations on not getting fit in 2011!

It's almost as if you could have done a better job if you didn't wait till the last moment.

Although to be fair I still think you won't go at all, so the current course is at least mildly satisfying.

# ? Apr 16, 2016 22:17

n8r: Jul 3, 2003; I helped Lowtax become a cyborg and all I got was this lousy avatar

Expecting your job to make you happy is pretty much total bullshit. Work is work, if it wasn't work, it'd get called something else. Part of being a happy person is accepting that some parts of your life may not go the way you want them to. The two goals of owning a business you enjoy & retiring at 40 are both pretty long odds. Why make your happiness dependent upon these two long shot goals?

# ? Apr 16, 2016 22:22

defectivemonkey: Jun 5, 2012

A therapist is different from a psychiatrist. If you're not interested in medication then I would recommend a therapist to start with. I would actually recommend that to you either way but can't wrap my head around why you chose a psychiatrist first.

You want someone who will listen to your thought processes and explain why they are bad and how you can make them less bad. That isn't a psychiatrist. If you need a psychiatrist a therapist can tell you that you should take that step.

Also what small business who just wants a 2-3-page website would pay $75/month for a dude to host it? I know you have good intentions so I'm not accusing you of this but it really reads as preying on the technologically ignorant.

# ? Apr 17, 2016 01:06

Zanthia: Dec 2, 2014

Knyteguy posted:

Why would I want to do that? I'm asking because I don't know. I still have 4-5 messages pending on other place's phones. I'll do more calling Monday I was just doing what I said I would. I called some 5 star rated ones right after seeing those reviews yesterday.

Paying a psychiatrist you're predisposed toward distrusting is bad with money.

# ? Apr 17, 2016 02:14

My Rhythmic Crotch: Jan 13, 2011

I have never seen a company ask for an entire drat program to be written and mailed back, just as a way to feel out a candidate. That is insane and I would immediately pass on the job as soon as they asked for it.

# ? Apr 17, 2016 05:02

Colin Mockery: Jun 24, 2007; Rawr

My Rhythmic Crotch posted:

I have never seen a company ask for an entire drat program to be written and mailed back, just as a way to feel out a candidate. That is insane and I would immediately pass on the job as soon as they asked for it.

I've seen it, but it's dumb.

Also, Knyte it's probably good that you're taking a thread break, but I'm concerned about how (understandably, because that does sound really lovely) stressed you are and want to second what Rhea says about self-care and also suggest you spend some more time thinking about your feelings and trying to examine how you feel both at this moment and when you were making decisions or doing things.

You come across as very upset/stressed (for obvious reasons) and appear to be trying to smother that emotion instead of working through it. You slipped on alcohol, you can't smoke, and now you're throwing yourself face-first into your business plan with an awful lot of intensity, given you have other, more urgent (but less enjoyable) matters to attend to. You're in a foul mood and have been lashing out at the thread again. You're throwing yourself into "how things could be better" and are once again fantasizing about "if I could just make more money".

I think it would help if you could sit down and try to reflect on your feelings again and how you've felt while doing some of these things over the past few days and how your stress has been affecting you, et cetera. Just like you did when you were reflecting back on your decision to buy the computer a while back.

I feel a little silly repeatedly saying "please talk about your feelings (to yourself or your wife, if you'd rather not tell the thread)", but really. Talk about your feelings.

# ? Apr 17, 2016 07:53

Hawkperson: Jun 20, 2003

Horking is right. Maybe you don't want to talk to the thread about it, but you really sound like you need to talk to someone about your mom. It reads a lot like you're trying to smother those feelings and get involved in other stuff, even working on therapy feels like avoidance. I mean, why would you post that yelp link if you didn't want people yelling at you? It seemed like a really obvious poke at the thread to see if you could wake it up.

You seem like you feel like you're not allowed to be angry at (or worried about) your mom. You sound like you feel you have to hold it together for everyone else in your life. That sounds like a lot of stress. I get stressed out in my life sometimes when I feel like I'm not reacting to something appropriately and I try to contain it. I got advice from a colleague once that was basically, "allow yourself to grieve for a set amount of time, and then get back to your life." Maybe go talk to your wife and carve out an hour where you don't have to be dad, husband, son, or anything else, go sit somewhere quiet and have a good think. Maybe you and Janus can trade hours - if you're this stressed I bet she's feeling it too.

# ? Apr 18, 2016 01:01

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# ? Jun 6, 2024 16:19

Knyteguy: Jul 6, 2005; YES to love
NO to shirts; Toilet Rascal

OK had some time for some reflection, talking with my wife trying to figure out why I was feeling so stressed out. I'm feeling much better. More on this in a bit.

n8r posted:

Expecting your job to make you happy is pretty much total bullshit. Work is work, if it wasn't work, it'd get called something else. Part of being a happy person is accepting that some parts of your life may not go the way you want them to. The two goals of owning a business you enjoy & retiring at 40 are both pretty long odds. Why make your happiness dependent upon these two long shot goals?

No not my job itself. It's my lack of finding something better that's the problem.

I've had some hefty expectations I've had put on me since I was a kid. From others (teachers, parents), and from myself. I spoke a lot about this with my old therapist. He and I both agreed that it's better to shoot for the stars. If I can do that responsibly then so be it. I'm not afraid of failing.

My happiness is not dependent on succeeding. It's dependent on trying. To do otherwise is to give up on ~"my dreams"~, and I'm too young for that.

My wealth building plan is this:
- Get out of debt
- Start a business with discretionary funds somewhere near the end of that cycle
- Indefinitely invest money according to budget towards VTSAX/VFINX and probably something more for some diversification (become more knowledgeable on this)
- Profit (eventually)

The gamble is would I get better returns investing business money into my investment portfolio instead. That's something I'll need to consider.

defectivemonkey posted:

A therapist is different from a psychiatrist. If you're not interested in medication then I would recommend a therapist to start with. I would actually recommend that to you either way but can't wrap my head around why you chose a psychiatrist first.

You want someone who will listen to your thought processes and explain why they are bad and how you can make them less bad. That isn't a psychiatrist. If you need a psychiatrist a therapist can tell you that you should take that step.

Also what small business who just wants a 2-3-page website would pay $75/month for a dude to host it? I know you have good intentions so I'm not accusing you of this but it really reads as preying on the technologically ignorant.

I'm just trying to follow some of the thread advice. I'm not very knowledgeable on this mental health stuff. I did start off with psychologists. Hopefully one will get back to me shortly.

I'm offering more than hosting. A "free" 3 page website alone would easily cover two years of difference for hosting. Plus I offer excellent customer service. Sure they can run to HostGator, or pay more with AT&T, but I'm someone who will actually give a drat about their business meeting its goals with their online presence. That will likely include consults and recurring support that has nothing to do with their actual hosting. My boss just charged our business neighbors $75/hr for a web consult from me. That included design aspects, content. I've studied conversion funneling extensive. I can run at basically any software (I've worked on PHP, .net, and BBJ ecommerce suites) to give help, etc.

My Rhythmic Crotch posted:

I have never seen a company ask for an entire drat program to be written and mailed back, just as a way to feel out a candidate. That is insane and I would immediately pass on the job as soon as they asked for it.

I didn't put in so much time just for them. I used it to add some pretty OK code to my Github to show off to future employers as well.

Horking Delight posted:

Also, Knyte it's probably good that you're taking a thread break, but I'm concerned about how (understandably, because that does sound really lovely) stressed you are and want to second what Rhea says about self-care and also suggest you spend some more time thinking about your feelings and trying to examine how you feel both at this moment and when you were making decisions or doing things.

You come across as very upset/stressed (for obvious reasons) and appear to be trying to smother that emotion instead of working through it. You slipped on alcohol, you can't smoke, and now you're throwing yourself face-first into your business plan with an awful lot of intensity, given you have other, more urgent (but less enjoyable) matters to attend to. You're in a foul mood and have been lashing out at the thread again. You're throwing yourself into "how things could be better" and are once again fantasizing about "if I could just make more money".

I think it would help if you could sit down and try to reflect on your feelings again and how you've felt while doing some of these things over the past few days and how your stress has been affecting you, et cetera. Just like you did when you were reflecting back on your decision to buy the computer a while back.

I feel a little silly repeatedly saying "please talk about your feelings (to yourself or your wife, if you'd rather not tell the thread)", but really. Talk about your feelings.

Yeah it was good to take a break. No good would have come from continuing posting. I was in a really bad place mentally Friday/Saturday. I was trying to figure out what the hell I was feeling and I just couldn't. Sunday was better, today is better. I ended up kind of working through it with my wife.

The intensity towards the business may have been a symptom, but the want is not. I fully intend to proceed with some sort of business plan within the next 12 months. I think n8r's idea of getting some business consulting is a great idea.

Yeah I can talk about them if I can recognize them. All I could recognize was that ball of tension in my stomach.

I'm currently trying to come up with a regular exercise plan. I think that will help. I've been advised that many multiple times now, from Rhea, from my psychologist, from others.

Hawkgirl posted:

Horking is right. Maybe you don't want to talk to the thread about it, but you really sound like you need to talk to someone about your mom. It reads a lot like you're trying to smother those feelings and get involved in other stuff, even working on therapy feels like avoidance. I mean, why would you post that yelp link if you didn't want people yelling at you? It seemed like a really obvious poke at the thread to see if you could wake it up.

You seem like you feel like you're not allowed to be angry at (or worried about) your mom. You sound like you feel you have to hold it together for everyone else in your life. That sounds like a lot of stress. I get stressed out in my life sometimes when I feel like I'm not reacting to something appropriately and I try to contain it. I got advice from a colleague once that was basically, "allow yourself to grieve for a set amount of time, and then get back to your life." Maybe go talk to your wife and carve out an hour where you don't have to be dad, husband, son, or anything else, go sit somewhere quiet and have a good think. Maybe you and Janus can trade hours - if you're this stressed I bet she's feeling it too.

Good advice. I wasn't trying to piss the thread off. If anything I was showing diligence in my search. As I said I'm pretty ignorant when it comes to mental health stuff. I have no idea if/how a low rated psychiatrist correlates to performance. As Veskit said it could be a nature of the profession and its patients.

Yeah I do get some alone time sometimes, but then my wife gets upset about my lack of presence. I think a schedule would set expectations. Not a bad idea I'll talk to her.

Didn't get to the Camaro. As I said I was in a bad place while I was working through some stuff (plus I was sick which made it worse). I intend on taking care of MAF sesnsor in the following few days.

# ? Apr 18, 2016 16:43

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Ask/Tell > Business, Finance, and Careers > Knyteguy's Finances: More harebrained schemes than a sitcom dad

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