quote:

I know this sounds absolutely ridiculous to wonder if your an rear end in a top hat about, but please listen on because I am genuinely curious if people think I was in the wrong.

So me (25F) and my husband 30(M) Louis got into a fight two months ago.

It involved him bringing up how he pays for most of my stuff.

For some background Louis’s family believes that the man should pay for his wife’s things.

I only let him pay for my things because he insists on doing it. I am not saying that I am ungrateful, because I truly am grateful.

But I don’t want to have it thrown in my face that he pays for my things so since then I’ve payed for my own stuff just fine.

From time to time he tries but I just stop him and pay for it myself.

Last night we were at dinner with his brother, Micheal(28M). It was time to pay, so I ended up paying for myself.

This morning when I woke up Louis was mad because apparently Micheal has told his other siblings about what happened and joked about it. Louis thinks that because of my pettiness they now see him as “less of a man”.

I truly wasn’t being petty, and I was only doing what I had fell into a habit of which was paying for my own things.

wizardofloneliness posted:

I don’t know, that Prudence letter was a weird one. It has vibes of both “future estranged parent who refuses to see their own wrongdoings” as well as “daughter ruined her own marriage and is sweeping it under the rug to avoid looking bad.”

quote:

My sister-in-law “Katy”(23f) lived with my husband and I for about a year. She was living with their grandma “Diane” but they had a falling out so we offered her the upstairs, rent free. It’s just a single bedroom up there so she had the upstairs all to herself, we only used it for storage. She paid nothing, only bought her own food but was also welcome to use our food too. This was suppose to last a few months while she saved money for an apartment.

Only house rule we had was Katy couldn’t bring people over without notice or when no one was home and NEVER to spend the night. No curfew or anything silly like that. During her stay, her boyfriend ended up homeless, she begged us to let him stay, even offered to pay rent. We said no. The boyfriend was a complete stranger to us.

Katy’s stay had issues, like her losing her job, constantly needing money from us, and just not taking care of herself. After her being jobless and living on food stamps and our help for 6 months, we finally said she had to find somewhere to go because it was clear we weren’t helping her find independence. She finally moved out to stay with her boyfriend’s sister. That didn’t last long as she’s at Diane’s again, I have no idea why but I can guess.

While Katy was with us, we never went upstairs EVER. We respected her privacy and had no reason to be there. The day she left I went upstairs to find garbage bags everywhere, old food all over the floor, the floor was sticky, it smelled… I didn’t spend long looking, didn’t even walk through the door, just left it for my husband to see when he got home from work. Husband took a deeper look… he found the following…

• trash bags with HUMAN feces in them
  
• at least 10 gallon jugs full of urine
  
• a tote with cat littler and an unidentifiable sludge we guessed was human feces and urine
  

While leaving this is horrible, I realized something else… Katy must have snuck her boyfriend into the house and he was living up there with her, peeing in jugs and pooping in bags because he couldn’t come downstairs to use the bathroom or risk being caught by us. It’s the only thing that makes sense. She had no reason not to use the bathroom downstairs and she wouldn’t be able to pee in the jugs without a funnel.

Now Diane is mad at me because I won’t “put on my big girl panties” to play nice with Katy so she can have a nice Christmas. My husband is going but I just can’t. I tried to talk to Katy, she apologized in text for “the state of the room” but didn’t admit to what she’d done for it to end up that way even when asked directly. Her reason was she was depressed. If she had told the truth I would play nice for the sake of Diane, I would suffer through Christmas quietly and most likely drunk, but I don’t think I’ll be able to look at her…

WIBTA for not going so Diane can have a happy family Christmas?

Metis of the Hallway posted:

Yeah it's an honest mistake, I think 90% of my reports ever are asking for changes to the raised by wolves thread title in TV IV lol so I'd probably do the same here by accident.

My girlfriend (26F) criticizes me (25M) in the form of jokes instead of just being straightforward with me.


Everything else about our relationship is honestly like a fairytale

Pomme de Terror posted:

AITA for exposing my coworker's bathroom habits?

gently caress TERFs, now and forever

quote:

I (30F) have been friends with my friend Mary (27F) for roughly 5 years. We’re completely different people who met at work and somehow became pretty close friends.

Three years into our friendship, Mary started becoming sick. No one really knew what was going on, but it all escalated into her passing out at work and needing ambulance to get to a hospital. I could sense she was scared because she didn’t know what was wrong with her. I took it extremely serious and stood by her side through it all. Whenever she texted or called me because of her medical emergency, aka her being scared to collapse or faint randomly, I’d immediately answer and go see her. I spent many days by her side and often spent all day accompanying her until her husband or a direct family member took over.

This all went on for roughly a year, until she was finally diagnosed with severe anxiety and a panic disorder. She did get it treated through therapy and returned to a new “normal”, being able to do things alone again. In the meantime, my life had changed drastically, I found a new job, met my now husband, and we moved into our own place. Naturally, we hadn’t seen and spoken much during that time because I was so busy.

Anyway, I found out that Mary’s condition had gotten worse recently when she called me in the middle of the night, asking me to accompany her until her husband would be back from work. I did go to see her and upon asking her why therapy was no longer helping, she claimed she quit therapy because she wanted to “get through it on her own”. I asked her if her family knew but she said she didn’t want to worry them, so they don’t know. Her husband knows.

Well, her calls became more frequent again. But this time, it was hard for me to just leave everything and be there for her. At first I was there for her again, but with time, I just didn’t have the energy to do so anymore. Her requests became irrational and more demanding. And while I have sympathy for her and her condition, I see no point in putting up with it if she’s refusing proper medical help, let alone help from her immediate family. I started making up excuses why I couldn’t help her at certain times.

It all boiled down to last thursday, where I got a message from her at 4 AM, asking me to take her to her parents place because she was having a “medical emergency”. I saw the message but I ignored because I just couldn’t take it anymore. In fact, I ghosted her and went back to sleep. The next day I pretended to have slept through her text and found out she had managed to stay at home until her husband got there, but she didn’t fail to make me feel bad for ignoring her messages. She’s giving me the cold shoulder since. I know she’s mad I didn’t answer or help her when she needed me. I do feel guilty but I thought if it really was an emergency she could call an ambulance. So Reddit, AITA for ignoring my friend during another of her medical emergencies?

Edit: typo

Foo Diddley posted:

WIBTA for skipping my husband’s grandma’s Christmas to avoid his sister… because she left human feces and urine in my house?

look, are you going to hold that "shitbags" thing against your sister-in-law forever? it's time to grow up

DoubleNegative posted:

AITA for no longer responding to my friend‘s medical emergencies?

quote:

I feel like I'm going crazy here thinking about it. My husband and I were at my parents house for dinner. All was going well. We were talking, laughing and eating. But as soon as my sister got from her seat and announced her pregnancy. I noticed at first that my husband got quiet, didn't get up to congratulate her since the rest of us did, and just kept staring at or towards her I'm not entirely sure. I repeatedly asked if he was okay and he mumbled about feeling a bit sick. That was strange because he was perfectly fine that day. Literally, moments later he started throwing up. Like I had no idea what was happening with him. He sat on the bathroom floor near the toilet just looking down and refusing to let me help him up to wash his face. I kept asking him if he was okay but no response. My family were worried about him and I had to take him home. I checked his temp and blood pressure but all were normal. Still complete silence on his part. He went to sleep shortly after and in the early morning at 5:30. I woke up to the sound of him crying in the shower. I rushed in asking if he was okay but still no response other than tell me he needed a minute with himself.

I almost lost it demanding he explain what was going on and he told me he was just feeling overwhelmed...from what?!?! He's not the type who gets stressed out from work or anything of the sort. This is just so strange and out of character of him. He got dressed and left then refused to even talk about it.

I can't help but feel like this reaction was trigged by my sister's pregnancy announcement since this is all started right after she made it. What makes me feel so horrible is the fact that my sister once implied that my husband was her type and hoped to get someone like him. She has a boyfriend btw. This could be nothing but I can't shake this weird feeling about what happened.

Hughlander posted:

My husband started acting strangely upon my sister's pregnancy announcement.


Just give him a minute lady, some men have strong reactions to finding out they're going to be a father!

DoubleNegative posted:

AITA for no longer responding to my friend‘s medical emergencies?

Ayndin posted:

Also not to draw out the self-published textbook thing longer,

sephiRoth IRA posted:

I refuse to believe this is real because how could anyone be so obtuse

Foo Diddley posted:

AITA for paying for my own food in front of my husband’s brother?

"a bloo bloo bloo my wife paid for her own dinner" -- a strong, manly, macho man

DoubleNegative posted:

AITA for no longer responding to my friend‘s medical emergencies?

snergle posted:

no op squating isnt wierd dont listen to reddit. public bathrooms are disgusting squating is a safety skill.

limp_cheese posted:

Not only that but he is responsible for this outcome since he was complaining that he pays for everything. Another case of "You need to start paying for things yourself. Why did you pay for things yourself and embarass me?" toxic masculinity trap.

InediblePenguin posted:

the weird posture it requires to hover over a western style toilet can literally lead to actual physical problems with the pelvic floor muscles. if you're gonna insist on squatting then fine but you better do your kegels or you'll start pissing yourself. it's also gross because it's more likely to get piss on the seat so thanks for leaving that for other people to clean up. you could just wipe the goddamn toilet seat off and sit like a human, alternately - you aren't going to catch anything from sitting on it, you can literally just wipe it clean with some toilet paper before you sit down and it will be fine

InediblePenguin posted:

the weird posture it requires to hover over a western style toilet can literally lead to actual physical problems with the pelvic floor muscles. if you're gonna insist on squatting then fine but you better do your kegels or you'll start pissing yourself. it's also gross because it's more likely to get piss on the seat so thanks for leaving that for other people to clean up. you could just wipe the goddamn toilet seat off and sit like a human, alternately - you aren't going to catch anything from sitting on it, you can literally just wipe it clean with some toilet paper before you sit down and it will be fine

Batterypowered7 posted:

You just gotta stand on the seat itself then squat, duh.

quote:

As my title suggests, my mom is a huge Harry Potter nut. She and my dad actually met in a harry potter “IRC” (like Disord but for old people) in the early 00s got married had kids and from day one decided to embarrass us for life by naming us after some Harry Potter and Star Wars characters.

It’s honestly been hell. I have a stupid name and since we were little my parents have forced stuff like Harry Potter, Star Wars, marvel movies, etc etc down our throats. Everything is about dragons and magic and blah blah blah. I’m so sick of it. Every birthday every holiday everything is just organized around “fandom.”

So just like every Christmas the days leading up to Christmas we have to sit down every night and watch Harry Potter movies. It’s. So. loving. BORING!!!! I can usually get away with knitting or drawing on my Ipad during this but this year my mom was like “let’s just have a technology and distraction free night every night”
[snip]

quote:

Hi so I ended up moving in with Missy’s family for a few months because it was all too much. It was really nice, but I ended up moving back out because I did miss my family if you can believe it.

Missy’s Mom helped me figure out how to talk to my Mom and Dad and we sat down to air out everything. It really seemed like they were finally ready to let me be my own person and back off and also that thing about the family making memories that DON’T have to do with fandom. They said all those things were so important to them they wanted to share them.

For my birthday they took us all to Arches like I always wanted. On the road trip there we listened to a fantasy young adult book that they all wanted to hear. I didn’t want to but they were doing a nice thing for me so I didn’t complain. It wasn’t bad, but I still don’t like fantasy. But lots of you told me to just try with an open mind and when you're driving through the desert you kind of have to.

When we got to Arches I felt really emotional like when you have a really good day and you’re waiting for the sun to set and everything to get dark again because that’s what feels comfortable. But then I ate so much pizza my face smelled like cheese and I felt a little better.

On the ride home when it was just me and Dad awake said he was happy I had come home and he hopes we can all get along better now and that I don’t feel so much anger towards them.

But as time went on things all went back and that’s just how my family is. It’s what my siblings are happy with and what my mom and dad like. And it’s not my place to tell them not to be who they are.

So I ended up making a big decision and the reason that I wanted to pick now to write this update is that I am going to college in Colorado. I received my early acceptance a few days ago and I feel like I can breathe again. Not just that but I will be starting a new life with a new first name. One my mom helped me choose that has nothing to do with any media at all.

I will be able to branch out and be myself but I’ll still be a car ride away from my nerdy parents for when I miss mom’s hugs and dad’s meatball subs.

And that’s all I really wanted 🙂

Troublemaker posted:

What the gently caress was up Prudence's rear end on this one?

AreWeDrunkYet posted:

Electric Wrigglies posted:

Yeah, there's a reason why public toilets are the one area where the women's facilities are often far more disgusting than the men's. It's not just for a piss that women squat.. poo poo from arsehole to breakfast time. Also, you don't want to touch the bin flap to open it for your menstruation products, nope just throw that bad boy right there on the ground beside the bin is perfectly acceptable. Think that is unsightly? just fling it over the wall. Wel done, you have left the stall you were in free from the evidence of having a period without opening the bin.

quote:

My mum and step-dad got married earlier this year. It was a big affair and was in a place very special to them.

For xmas, my sisters and I all decided to chip in and get them a one night stay at that place on their anniversary. They'll be staying in the same bridal suite they did before, they'll have a bottle of champagne in their room, and our grandparents are getting them a lovely dinner in the restaurant there. We also thought they'd like to wander about the place they got married exactly one year prior and visit the on-site church they said their vows in.

We were convinced our parents wouldn't have made any solid plans for their anniversary so close to xmas and they hadn't mentioned anything to us so we didn't get the refundable option as it was an extra £50 that we just couldn't afford.

After booking, we found out we were all inheriting a decent portion of money. It isn't a lot, but it's enough to go on a fancy, 2-week trip abroad. And that's exactly what they decided to do. They told us last week they're spending their anniversary in the same place they spent their honeymoon in.

We asked if they'd booked it yet, which they said they hadn't, they'd only booked the holidays off work. We tried to explain that we've already booked them something non-refundable for their anniversary and could they change their dates? My mum considered it but my step-dad can be quite a stubborn man and he absolutely refused to change the dates. My mum was very torn but stuck with my step-dad and said they wouldn't change them.

We got quite frustrated and I ended up messaging my mum telling her they've basically ruined their xmas present if they don't change their dates, that they've dropped this on us 2 weeks before xmas and we dont have the time or money to find a new present for them and we're going to lose out on a lot of money because it's non-refundable. She never replied to this message.

I touched base with my sister yesterday to see how things are going. She told me they've changed their holiday dates but it's not good. Apparently, they'd basically done everything but book their holiday. They'd had meetings with a travel agent, got a whole package sorted and discounts applied, they had planned it completely without mentioning it to any of us. They then tried to change the dates twice, but each time they changed them they found out someone else already had those dates off work (idk why they didn't check before deciding). They've settled on new dates now but lost out on certain aspects of the holiday because of this and my step-dad especially is acting very unhappy about the whole thing. My sister now thinks we pushed them too far and they are not going to enjoy our gift.

So, Are we the arsehole for forcing my parents to change their holiday plans because we already bought them a xmas present that happens on the same day?

Funktastic posted:

AITA? Forced my parents to change their holiday plans to accommodate our xmas present to them

quote:

we didn't get the refundable option as it was an extra £50 that we just couldn't afford

Hughlander posted:

My husband started acting strangely upon my sister's pregnancy announcement.


Just give him a minute lady, some men have strong reactions to finding out they're going to be a father!

Funktastic posted:

AITA? Forced my parents to change their holiday plans to accommodate our xmas present to them

(idk why they didn't check before deciding)

quote:

r/relationships: I ate so much pizza my face smelled like cheese and I felt a little better.

limp_cheese posted:

They obviously should have checked with people before deciding on dates says person who bought a trip for someone yet never once asked if they were free on the date.

Arsenic Lupin posted:

A sweet update to a maddening post.

quote:

“IRC” (like Disord but for old people)

CitizenKain posted:

Ok, listen here

quote:

I (M22) have a tight friendship group with R, L & V (all M22). We met at our local D&D club and have been hanging out for years.

We’ve been doing this great campaign for about a month now, & we’d been planning to have our campaign finale (with themed snacks, drinks and decorations) in V’s apartment - he has the biggest cos he shares with his gf. V also lives with his little sister A (F11), after his mom died a few years ago.

The plan had been for his gf to look after A at her parents place, but day of he messages us saying that she can’t babysit anymore because her mom fell on some ice and was in the hospital. He offered that we could either rearrange or we could do it with A there, she’d just play video games in the background.

Immediately L and R say they don’t have an issue with her being there and we could even make her her own character for the campaign. I couldn’t understand this though? It was meant to be just us, and putting in a random new character in the finale would ruin it. Plus, A is super clingy to V, so I knew it would take his attention off the campaign if she was there.

I asked V if he couldn’t find an alternative babysitter before the evening so we could still do it as planned. He said he didn’t want to put A with someone she didn’t know so last minute for something easily rearrangeable because he knew it would upset her.

I got annoyed then at him calling our event ‘rearrangeable’ and called him out on it. He said I had to be joking if I thought a D&D campaign was more important to him than his little sisters comfort. I said I obviously wasn’t saying that, but I wasn’t prepared to have our night turned into free babysitting.

V said he had already offered to rearrange, and that I was free to host myself sometime if I had such a problem with his sister. This was uncalled for because he knows I can’t host because I don’t have the time or space to prepare / clean them up.

L and R both privately messaged me and basically said I was the only one who cared, and that we should be sympathetic to Vs situation. I have a lot of respect for V, but I still don’t see why he couldn’t have just put A with a babysitter for an evening so our plans didn’t get ruined, or why his gf couldn’t take her to the hospital too. How is not wanting some random child at our game night an issue?

They ended up hanging out that night (I was invited but I didn’t go) and doing a one-shot campaign, which also annoyed me because we always play D&D together.

My mom thinks I was an AH because V is ‘raising a child by himself’, but he has money from his inheritance and gets help from his gfs family, so he isn’t ‘alone’. My brothers agree that I’m not TA here because V shouldn’t baby A so much that he won’t put her with a babysitter.

I want some reassurance on this so I’ve come here lol. AITA?

Zulily Zoetrope posted:

E: don't forget to do the "together for 3 years, lived together for 2" math if you missed it

shocker that the dude turned out to be a clinger, i never would have guessed

I guess it's not impossible that the daughter is actually the piece of work the post makes her out to be, but it is extremely unlikely.

"My child is setting boundaries and giving ultimatums" and "we were never told the reason why" are the textbook red flags of a parent who still views children as their property, and not individuals with agency. The mom has absolutely been told in no uncertain terms why she should butt the gently caress out of her daughter's relationships, but for some reason those details are shrouded in fog and the only things she remembers clearly are the daughter yelling at her ex and not wanting to talk about it, because those are the only details that don't reflect poorly on the parent. Prudence's venom is wholly warranted.

quote:

I 28F) moved to the US last year. About 2 months ago I started at a new company. It is relevant that I am a practicing Muslim, and that I wear Hijab (so visibly Muslim).

I share an office with a man. The office is very small and the window does not open. Also the office has opaque walls and a wooden door (relevant).

My office mate insists on having the door closed all the time, he says it helps reduce the noise. I would not have a problem with it, except my office mate stinks.

To be fair to him, I don’t think it’s from a lack of hygiene, in the morning he would smell fine, but two hours into the work day, I would get headaches from how bad his sweat smells. And he sweats a lot.

I tried my best to get him to leave the door open, at least that way the fresh air would disperse the smell, but no dice. I tried talking with HR about the situation, but all they came up with was that he had a medical condition and they could do nothing about it.

I sympathize with the dude, I really do, and he is good people, but I just can’t handle the smell anymore, so I went to HR and told them that per my religion, I can’t be in an isolated space with a man I am not married to. Which is 100% true, it’s not like I made it up. So I told them they either had to move my desk, or the door should be open all the time.

They don’t have the space, so they told him that he is no longer allowed to close the door if we are both there. And finally I could go through the whole workday without having a headache.

But now he is pissed at me, and is calling me an AH for pulling the religion card to get my way. So AITA?

OP posted:

I mean, I didn’t like that I was in an inclosed space with him, I just didn’t know how to bring it up. I didn’t want people to start saying my religiousness is weird (which happened in my last job, because I used to have to pray in the break room).

quote:

That would make me so uncomfortable. I go to the break room to chill, not to watch someone else pray. Even if it is for 10 mins, why do you get special treatment for this? Can’t you pray in a non-public space like a car?

quote:

If a person cannot work in a normal way in a modern workforce due to religious beliefs, onus of finding segregated enough setting should be on them.

Religious accommodations must be reasonable, not actively harmful to others.

Even better would be navigating the situation with honesty, as this guy seems to have condition of some kind, but I admit that bringing up body odour is extremely difficult.

quote:

have an office with a door that can be closed, and I dislike open floor plan work spaces because it harms my concentration.

I understand why this colleague is annoyed.

Religion should not seep into work interactions, and why that is an acceptable reason to accommodate but not illness is beyond me.

Maybe religion is an easy way out to target others, but the company should have tackled the body odour issue. Is OP not going to accept individual feedback from male managers? Will this reasoning be an acceptable way for male religious colleague to exclude women from team?