r/relationships: I have nothing against this baby.

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > r/relationships: I have nothing against this baby.

Pope Corky the IX: Dec 18, 2006; What are you looking at?

rotinaj posted:

She was hoping she would find something shocking like drugs or secret booze or something that could justify why she is not allowed in there

Couldn�t just be that it�s a literal home office and they are loving up the wife�s work by going in there and randomly moving things around, perish the thought

Oh of course, but it would be much easier to justify her treatment of her if she found any of those things.

# ? Dec 29, 2022 20:16

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# ? May 31, 2024 08:08

Cthulu Carl: Apr 16, 2006

BAGS FLY AT NOON posted:

She should start grading his sexual performances

Gonna be scoring a lotta Incompletes and DNFs

# ? Dec 29, 2022 20:20

Electric Wrigglies: Feb 6, 2015

Foo Diddley posted:

oh come on, watching films from the 1970s with titles like BLOOD ON THE HIGHWAY was the only part of driver's ed where the kids actually stayed awake

ahh you do have a point. This great Aussie Public Service Announcement from my childhood has stuck with me on prevention of HIV/AIDS. that's right, it was played during kids cartoons/prime time;

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_lhFc_9U_UY

# ? Dec 29, 2022 20:26

tactlessbastard: Feb 4, 2001; Godspeed, post; Fun Shoe

Cthulu Carl posted:

Gonna be scoring a lotta Incompletes and DNFs

Withdrawn

# ? Dec 29, 2022 20:30

Cloacamazing!: Apr 18, 2018; Too cute to be evil

Electric Wrigglies posted:

ahh you do have a point. This great Aussie Public Service Announcement from my childhood has stuck with me on prevention of HIV/AIDS. that's right, it was played during kids cartoons/prime time;

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_lhFc_9U_UY

Holy poo poo, that video.

"At first only GAYS and IV drug users were being killed by AIDS" and, yeah, I'm pretty sure the implication is that this was completely fine, but now this ADORABLE BLONDE GIRL could also be killed, and that's bad.

# ? Dec 29, 2022 20:30

Foo Diddley: Oct 29, 2011; cat

Electric Wrigglies posted:

ahh you do have a point. This great Aussie Public Service Announcement from my childhood has stuck with me on prevention of HIV/AIDS. that's right, it was played during kids cartoons/prime time;

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_lhFc_9U_UY

holy poo poo

Cloacamazing! posted:

Holy poo poo, that video.

"At first only GAYS and IV drug users were being killed by AIDS" and, yeah, I'm pretty sure the implication is that this was completely fine, but now this ADORABLE BLONDE GIRL could also be killed, and that's bad.

yeah, this

# ? Dec 29, 2022 20:35

Hughlander: May 11, 2005

AITA for ruining my daughter's Christmas by throwing away her Switch?

quote:

I'm 33F and I have two kids, Leslie (14F), and Braden (8M). Leslie is from a previous relationship with Matt (35M). My husband is Toby (33M).

Practically ever since I had her, I've had problems with Leslie and Matt. Matt is from a well-off family and likes to spend big on her each year. Meanwhile, Toby and I are financially struggling but try to make Christmas as good as possible for our kids.

I was sick for a bit and asked Toby to go ahead and do the Christmas purchases. I trust him. I thought the expense was high, when I saw it on the card, but again. I trust him. So, when Toby walked in with a Switch, I was shocked. We didn't have the money for that. Come to find out, he was shocked too.

Turns out, Leslie grabbed my credit card and purchased the Switch when Toby was buying the stuff for the kids, knowing that it could sneak by. I was furious. I sold the Switch to someone I know.

Toby agrees with me, that was the right move. But when we sent Leslie to her Matt's, for Christmas, we started to receive hell. Matt was calling me, saying that I ruined Leslie's Christmas, and threatened to sue for the Switch.

I said that she was stealing my money, and if it was that big of a deal, he should have bought it for her. But he keeps telling me that she knows that I wouldn't have done enough for her for Christmas, so she had the right to make the move.

Toby is sticking by me with this, but Matt is giving me so much hell over it. He's calling me the Grinch and an rear end in a top hat. Even Leslie has started texting me, saying that she feels "mistreated". AITA?

Holy whiplash from title to content. What the gently caress did I just read?

# ? Dec 29, 2022 20:47

Foo Diddley: Oct 29, 2011; cat

you don't give her enough, so she has the right to steal from you? that's a great lesson to teach a kid, it should serve her well throughout her life

# ? Dec 29, 2022 20:52

PiratePrentice: Oct 29, 2022; by Hand Knit

Lmfao what in the world

I was not expecting an "NTA and also your ex is the worst parent ever" based on the title

# ? Dec 29, 2022 20:54

rotinaj: Sep 5, 2008; Fun Shoe

Hughlander posted:

AITA for ruining my daughter's Christmas by throwing away her Switch?

Holy whiplash from title to content. What the gently caress did I just read?

Someone needs to throw matt a parade for being the best dad ever, he sounds like a real winner

# ? Dec 29, 2022 20:55

hawowanlawow: Jul 27, 2009

Hughlander posted:

AITA for ruining my daughter's Christmas by throwing away her Switch?

Holy whiplash from title to content. What the gently caress did I just read?

rich people never let things like morality or the law keep them from ~making moves~

# ? Dec 29, 2022 20:56

Kitfox88: Aug 21, 2007; Anybody lose their glasses?

Cloacamazing! posted:

Holy poo poo, that video.

"At first only GAYS and IV drug users were being killed by AIDS" and, yeah, I'm pretty sure the implication is that this was completely fine, but now this ADORABLE BLONDE GIRL could also be killed, and that's bad.

Foo Diddley posted:

holy poo poo

yeah, this

i mean yeah, there's a reason nobody in positions of power thought bad of GRID but suddenly started caring when it became HIV/AIDS

# ? Dec 29, 2022 21:09

Ignatius M. Meen: May 26, 2011; Hello yes I heard there was a lovely trainwreck here and...

Hughlander posted:

AITA for ruining my daughter's Christmas by throwing away her Switch?

Holy whiplash from title to content. What the gently caress did I just read?

Excessively doting on your kid is one thing but encouraging them to steal your ex's money is another. If only there were an easy way to get him on the hook for this bs.

# ? Dec 29, 2022 21:09

Pope Corky the IX: Dec 18, 2006; What are you looking at?

Kitfox88 posted:

i mean yeah, there's a reason nobody in positions of power thought bad of GRID but suddenly started caring when it became HIV/AIDS

It really hosed with a lot of heads when kids started getting AIDS through blood transfusions because they had spent much of the decade telling everyone with ears how it was as though God had answered their prayers.

# ? Dec 29, 2022 21:16

kdrudy: Sep 19, 2009

Why did she sell it to someone else instead of returning it? Not the point I realize but just jumped out at me as weird.

# ? Dec 29, 2022 21:28

wheatpuppy: Apr 25, 2008; YOU HAVE MY POST!

kdrudy posted:

Why did she sell it to someone else instead of returning it? Not the point I realize but just jumped out at me as weird.

Also why say in the title that she threw it away when she actually sold it. Unless she sold it to Oscar the Grouch I guess.

# ? Dec 29, 2022 21:32

AceClown: Sep 11, 2005

Hughlander posted:

AITA for ruining my daughter's Christmas by throwing away her Switch?

Holy whiplash from title to content. What the gently caress did I just read?

once again reminded about that one where the mum was trying to instil some values and basic decency in her son and rich rear end in a top hat dad just peels up in a brand new Mustang and goes "hey kid, this is your new car, come live with with me and become an invincible failson"

# ? Dec 29, 2022 21:39

tinytort: Jun 10, 2013; Super healthy, super cheap

Captain Hygiene posted:

The robe's the opposite of lazy, she literally put on more clothes than you, Captain Sweatpants

And depending in where she is, if this argument happened in the past week, they're probably dealing with trying to keep the place warm enough and not running out of power. A robe gives you an extra layer that's designed to be worn over top of other clothes, keeping it from being uncomfortably bulky.

blackmet posted:

Nevermind that as a 19 year old, there's a massive difference in taking care of a 15 year old vs. a 5 year old.

15 year olds can cook meals, get themselves up and ready for school, stay home alone while you're working without burning the house down or getting the cops called, etc.

Add a 5 year old into the mix, you get either completely turned into a parent or the 15 year old gets parentified.

Haven't these people watched Party of Five?

Yup. Plus, the OP says he just about has enough to take care of the 15 year old. That suggests that he doesn't have the resources needed to take care of the 5 year old as well. Especially since a 5 year old is going to be rather more expensive than a 15 year old. It sucks, but it looks like OP made a coldly pragmatic choice to take in only his bio-sister because he couldn't afford to take both and he was given assurance that the 5 year old had other family who could afford to take her in.

Shartin Mad posted:

okay good I'm not the only one who's mind went to 'by 'traditional' does this person mean 'not white'?'

That's where my mind went too, yeah. At a guess, either Middle Eastern, Asian, or Eastern European; something that a white American who self-describes as a picky eater would find unappealing.

Foo Diddley posted:

AITA for telling my parents to not come over again?

yeah, it's OP's wife who's being childish, not the people who go out of their way to repeatedly violate the ONE boundary that's been set

Betting that OP's wife also deals with documents that need to be kept confidential, too. It'd explain why she keeps the documents in her office, and why not even housekeepers or her own kids are allowed in there.

rotinaj posted:

She was hoping she would find something shocking like drugs or secret booze or something that could justify why she is not allowed in there

Couldn’t just be that it’s a literal home office and they are loving up the wife’s work by going in there and randomly moving things around, perish the thought

If it's confidential documents, they're loving up her work in multiple ways!

Hughlander posted:

AITA for ruining my daughter's Christmas by throwing away her Switch?

Holy whiplash from title to content. What the gently caress did I just read?

Holy poo poo that's some whiplash. NTA, but why call it throwing away instead of selling?

PiratePrentice posted:

Lmfao what in the world

I was not expecting an "NTA and also your ex is the worst parent ever" based on the title

I know, right?

kdrudy posted:

Why did she sell it to someone else instead of returning it? Not the point I realize but just jumped out at me as weird.

Depending on where it was bought from and when, it might not be returnable or selling it could recover the money faster. Especially if it would have to be mailed back rather than taken to a brick and mortar store.

# ? Dec 29, 2022 22:22

Hughlander: May 11, 2005

AceClown posted:

once again reminded about that one where the mum was trying to instil some values and basic decency in her son and rich rear end in a top hat dad just peels up in a brand new Mustang and goes "hey kid, this is your new car, come live with with me and become an invincible failson"

That one was more nuanced and everyone was poo poo heels. Sons child support was paying the mortgage while stepdad stayed home. When son rolled off the mom was crying that she won�t be able to keep the house now.

# ? Dec 29, 2022 22:33

Pookah: Aug 21, 2008; 🪶Caw🪶

Captain Hygiene posted:

The robe's the opposite of lazy, she literally put on more clothes than you, Captain Sweatpants

At home, I always wear a robe over my clothes in winter.
It's a cold house, and that extra layer really helps.
Just this Christmas, I got this giant fleecy poncho thing, with a lined hood and a muff-type central pocket and I love it so drat much. Its pretty much knee-length, so if I fold myself up, I can tuck my entire self up into its cosy depths.

# ? Dec 29, 2022 22:40

quantumwell: Jun 22, 2013

Hughlander posted:

That one was more nuanced and everyone was poo poo heels. Sons child support was paying the mortgage while stepdad stayed home. When son rolled off the mom was crying that she won�t be able to keep the house now.

I think that deserves a repost.

# ? Dec 29, 2022 22:44

Troublemaker: Mar 12, 2007

artsy fartsy posted:

Man this hotpot stuff sounds so good, and I just found one place in my area that serves it.

I wish I had friends

At every hot pot restaurant I've been to there's at least one Japanese dude sitting by himself with his whole table covered in little bowls and plates and all kinds of good stuff, just happily enjoying cooking his soup. At the last one the guy was over at the sauce station cheerfully explaining all the different sauces to the white people there, lol. Another time the guy (different guy) saw a white lady struggling with the Ramune drink (where you have to push a little marble through the top to open it) and went over and helped her. So . . . maybe make friends with that guy, I guess?

# ? Dec 29, 2022 23:01

Hughlander: May 11, 2005

quantumwell posted:

I think that deserves a repost.

I�m on mobile so here�s the BOTU without me formatting it�

quote:

AITA for Punishing my Son Harshly for a Prank on a Vulnerable Person?

I am not OP. OP is u/AITAWasITooHarshMom.

mood spoilers: >!Sad and frustrating!<

Extra note. I was semi involved in this post. I asked OOP to post the update, and followed up with comments that got responded to. I originally wasn't sure about posting this here because I wanted OOP to hopefully fix said issues, but now it looks OOP's account got suspended so I don't think there is harm in posting this.

[**Original** (update is also in this link)](https://old.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/tkkim9/aita_for_punishing_my_son_harshly_for_a_prank_on/)

I (F48) have a son Jack (M19) and a daughter Alyssa (F18) and am married to Tom (M50). Tom is Alyssa's father, but Jack's father is my Ex husband Dan (M 48). Dan and I had a pretty ugly custody fight and he lives in NY while we live in TX. Over the years Dan has unsuccessfully tried to get Jack to move in with him. It wasn't easy to fight him off since he is a very successful lawyer.

Jack is a pretty popular kid in school. His friends on the wrestling team came up with a prank for him to ask a heavily autistic girl who had a crush on him to the prom as a joke and for him to show up wearing a gorilla suit. Jack originally said no, but the wrestling team actually raised a fund which got to be somewhat north of $800 for him to do it and they paid for the gorilla suit. Jack agreed. If it matters, this is very out of character for him.

After the prom, I was looking around on instagram and saw pictures of him in the gorilla suit and was surprised that he didn't take his girlfriend Jess. After reading the comments, I learned what happened. To say I was furious doesn't even do it justice. I woke Jack up as soon as I saw it and screamed at him until my lungs gave out. Then when Tom heard what was going on, he joined in.

Tom and Jack have never gotten along. I can't prove it, but I suspect Jack's father Dan has a hand in that. Jack told Tom "gently caress off, I'm talking to my mother." So, we took away all of Jack's electronics, his phone, and we had paid for a car for his graduation present. Because of his prank and disrespect to Tom, we instead gave it to Alyssa. We also forced him to give us the $800+ and we gave it to his date and made him write a letter of apology. He was also grounded for a month and we cancelled his 18th birthday party.

When Jack's birthday came, there was a knock at the door. It was Dan and he had suit cases. Tom said "What is this? The custody agreement says you don't get him on this birthday?" Dan just looked past Tom and said "Hey kid, I'm here for the jail break." He then pointed at a Mustang and said "Hope you like Fords. You can practice driving your new car on a road trip back to NY. Let's take a detour to NoLa." The two of them were laughing, high fiving and backslapping and they just ignored us as we tried to intervene. The only time Dan acknowledged me was to look me in the eye and say as cold as ice "Checkmate." and for Jack to yell as they were driving off "gently caress off, Tom!"

Since then, Jack has gone totally no contact with me. He talks a little bit to Alyssa and from the little he does tell her, he's doing well and Dan is giving him the royal treatment, bringing him to steak houses, Yankees games, and just giving him outright cash. It has been almost a year and I'm going crazy thinking I've lost my son. So AITA?

Edit: I see there is a little confusion here about whether Alyssa is my bio daughter or step daughter. She is my step daughter. We really have a mother daughter relationship to the point where it doesn't even occur to me to call her my step. At the risk of understatement, Jack never warmed to Tom the same way.

**Note from me:**

**EDIT**

People have pointed out I should have provided more context regarding OOP's comment section. I didn't originally think this was necessary, but it's clearly been told to me that was wrong. I can't remake this thread, but I can add what I feel are relevant comments.

**On thought process behind the punishment**

> He never really got into that much trouble and is largely a good kid. He'd sometimes get into fights but that all cleared up a few years ago. We'd usually just ground him and make him do extra chores and that was enough. But it didn't come up a whole lot. Recently, it was maybe grounding him for a weekend here or there for badly blowing curfew (be home at 11 and he rolls in at 12:45).

>I can't say I had a fully formed plan on what the discipline would be for the prank alone since it all kind of happened at once, but to me at least, the big thing was the prank and telling Tom to gently caress off definitely mattered but was small potatoes compared to that. But less so to Tom, for obvious reasons.

**On Dan (OOP's ex husband) and his motivation**

>There is some truth here. I wasn't very kind to Dan when the marriage broke down and could have been more equitable with custody matters in the divorce which created a lot of bad blood from Dan's side.

>As much as I'd like to agree that I just have to wait for Dan to get sick of throwing money at Jack, I can't deny that Dan actually does pretty well by Jack and also that he likely isn't going to be running short on money anytime soon.

>I spent every day with Dan for so many years and know that man very well. He is an extremely calculating man. His exact though process was that he saw the perfect opportunity to take his son back after years of feeling slighted through the divorce process and then hit with everything he had. It worked. Dan always plays the long game, just like I'm sure he's going to play the long game to keep things the way they are.

**More on Dan**

> As much as I'd like to demonize Dan and there are a lot of things I can really say about him, he does truly love Jack and has really wanted custody for a long time. If it was simple gamesmanship, I think he wouldn't have been so brutal about it. He truly feels I stole his son.

**On the extent of the punishment and Jacks' relationship with Tom (Stepfather)**

>The story with Tom was that my son just never respected him as any kind of authority figure. Even as a young child if Tom would tell him to do something, he'd tell Tom that he was just a rude guest in his house. I can't prove it, but I have to think Dan had a hand in it. How else would Jack know that it was my money from the divorce that bought the house and that Tom was broke?

>Also funny you mention about my son calling Dan with his side of the story. I have no idea how he did that. I had his phone locked away for two weeks when that happened. I suspect that his GF Jess somehow had a hand in it even though he was barred from seeing Jess.

>Part of the reason I think that is this arrangement works out so well for her. She is going to NYU for college and somehow Dan pulled some stunt to get Jack into Temple in Philly, so they take turns spending weekends with each other in either NY or Philly. Dan's instagram post from last week was the three of them having dinner together at Peter Luger's.

**On money troubles and child support issues**

>I just feel so stupid. I \*know\* Dan. He has been waiting years for an opportunity like this and I handed him the perfect storm. I am not proud of it, but I did not treat Dan very well towards the end of the marriage. To be clear, I never cheated on him though. But he has hated me since then.

>Also since he doesn't live with me anymore child support is terminated. We divorced in New York where child support goes to 21. I don't know how I'm going to make next month's mortgage. Dan is a very high earner so it was a big check.

>He can actually go after ME now for child support and my lawyer tells me he has already filed the paperwork for that.

**More on child support**

>Tom is on disability. I knew I'd have a problem in three years when Jack aged out of child support, but I was hoping Tom would be back to work by then.

>Unfortunately, I am very familiar with the way child support works. You have a number for household income which gets negotiated after it gets to a certain point because the law says you stop counting dollar for dollar above a threshhold. Then after that total is arrived, you split by relative income. I do pretty well, but not like Dan. I used to do better before COVID.

>At the time of the divorce, I won a very high household income split. It was good for me back then since he had to pay me. Now, I have to pay Dan my portion of that very high number. So, I get the double whammy of losing the checks I was getting and now I have to write big checks his way.

**On Tom and Jack's difficult relationship.**

>I tried to introduce Tom slowly and things started out Ok. They were never warm but it was peaceful. Things started getting rougher when Tom moved in. He had an accident at work and got behind on bills. It was a little sooner than we would have liked, but Jack had known him for a year at that point. It started with little things, like Tom telling Jack to clean his room, or put away his plates or mow the lawn.

>Jack just wouldn't do it. I'd notice that every time Dan flew down to spend a weekend with Jack, it got a bit worse. I remember a few years ago overhearing Jack on the phone call Tom my "pet loser." A phrase I know Dan has used about others before.

>When Jack was 16 there was one time that Tom's back was hurting and he told Jack to warm him up a plate of leftovers and Jack was playing a game and told him to get it himself. Tom unplugged his X Box an then Jack said "This loving guy! He stays here for free, eats free food and now even things he has a butler. This isn't a loving hotel, Tom. You can't afford one." Then another time when Tom told him to mow the lawn and Jack said "Don't tell me to mow the lawn at my own house. You mow the lawn and make me a sandwich when you're done."

>Jack isn't like this with anyone else. He's usually very kind, quick witted and gracious. The thing that freaks me out it is almost exactly like his father. If he likes you, he'll be as debonair and smooth as can be. But if he doesn't, he really doesn't. And he truly hates Tom.

**More on their relationship**

>The end of the marriage wasn't pretty. I have to take responsibility for that and the divorce was very contentious. Following that, there was a lot of bad blood, but it definitely got worse once Tom entered the picture.

>Tom once made a Facebook joke about how he wishes they would bring back paddling in schools. To say Dan went nuts does not cover it. He literally got on a plane immediately from New York, busted into my house and started making all kinds of accusations and threats against Tom. Tom had to literally lock himself in the bathroom and escape out the window because we all thought Dan was going to do something crazy.

>Following that, I had to spend the next two years in litigation proving that Tom never has and never will lay a hand on Jack. Jack has also been rubbing it in Tom's face that has his father's permission to defend himself against Tom if he ever wants to get "old fashioned" with him. Jack is a 6'2 wrestling champion and MMA hobbyist. Tom is a 50 year old man with a bad back half his size and they are both keenly aware of it.

>If Tom ever laid a hand on Jack, I'd see to it that he'd be in jail. But I suspect his first stop from any such encounter would be the trauma ward.

**Yet more on their relationship**

>There is a little culture clash between Jack and Tom. Tom is an old fashioned Texas man where he believes kids should do what they're told. Jack grew up in Manhattan. Believe me, Tom has way, way dialed things down from what he'd normally do, but he does believe that kids should listen to adults and help out around the house.

>He realizes that there is a lot of tension and that his usual approach isn't going to work and I have even told him that if he tries it, I won't be able to maintain the marriage if he can't find a way to make a peaceable home with my son.

>After I told him that, he mostly just tried to step out of any kind of parental role, but sometimes, he'd still "tell" Jack to do something and Jack would react very badly.

**Jack acknowledging his wrongdoing, but still feeling the punishment was way too harsh**

>Thanks. He has blocked my number. Alyssa does still talk with him a bit since they had a cordial enough relationship. She even offered to give him the car back to make peace. He told her to keep it since he has a better car now and told her that he doesn't have any bad blood against her.

>For a while he was telling her that he'd never forgive me, he appreciates that he did wrong, but that I took it way too far by taking the car away and because I wouldn't let him see his GF for a month. The last time Alyssa brought it up, there was some movement on that. He said maybe sometime in the distant future, but not for years.

>So Alyssa is acting as a bit of a backchannel. However, she's still so young and I don't like asking her to be in the middle of it which must be hard because it really pains her how she sees Jack as a big brother and how bad Jack's relationship is with her father.

**OOP on apologies and potentially fixing this**

>I don't know if I agree with all of this, but for what it is worth, I have tried offering apologies. He has blocked my phone, but I sent him emails where I apologized for giving his car to Alyssa, for screaming at him, for trying to force a relationship with Tom on him and for taking the money. He has never responded.

>You do have a good suggestion though with apologizing to Dan. Dan \*hates\* me. To take some accountability, the reason for the divorce is I didn't treat Dan very well during the marriage. He resented the custody schedule, he thought the child support was far beyond what was needed to support Jack and he made no bones about the fact he considered me to have stolen his money and his son.

>But with all that said, the worst he can do is hang up on me.

**Update**

UPDATE-- I was denied an official update, but a few of you cared enough about all of this to ask me for updates periodically, so here it is.

On the advice of some of the posters, I reached out to Dan to see if he'd be willing to consider brokering peace between me and Jack. About a week later I got a response telling me to meet him and Jack at a cafe in Manhattan. He arranged a 6am flight and put me in a dodgy hotel in probably the most dangerous neighborhood in NYC. I arrived and saw Dan, Jack, Jack's GF Jess and his friend from a past firm Jonathan. I noticed Jess had an engagement ring on her finger.

Jonathan said Jack has a claim against me for stealing the $840 and until that is resolved, I am not to contact him, but to only contact Jonathan. I told Jonathan that's the money his friends paid him for the prank and that I gave to the girl. Jonathan said he was aware of the circumstances, but nonetheless it wasn't my money and under the law, it was a theft and Jack has a legal claim against me. I said don't care if it was against the law, Jack had no right to that money and they can sue me if they wanted. Jack said "You locked me up in my room like a prisoner for a month, took the car bought for me with Dad's child support money, took the money and berated me for hours on end. Unless you're going to give me the car, this is the only thing you can undo. You said you wished we could have handled it better, so here is your chance. Or was that just bullshit lip service?" I told him I was sorry, but I can't do it. Jonathan then gave me a cease and desist letter telling me to not contact Jack and to address all communication to Jonathan.

Then Jack and Jess left and I asked Dan if he could talk for a minute. I asked him if he brought me there to humiliate me, and he said actually no he didn't. He brought me so I could humiliate myself. He'd actually worked very hard to get Jack to the point where he'd be open to talking to me again if I were willing to back down just a little. But since he knew that if I had to choose between my indignation and my own son, that I'd choose my indignation every time just like I did in our marriage.

I asked him why he'd put us all through that. He said it was because a part of him wondered if I'd ever learn to pick love over anger. He bet his future that I wouldn't when he divorced me. So, he had to see for himself how it actually turned out after all these years later. I asked him if Jack was just a pawn in his game. He said no, if I actually would have picked Jack he'd be with me now and there would have been nothing anyone could have done to stop it. But instead, my indignation over a stranger was more important to me than learning to move on with my own son.

I asked him what about the girl? He then said "I hope she'll be a wonderful daughter to you since you lost a son for her." I told her I don't know the girl. So, then he said "sounds like a bad trade" and left. Also, I'm apparently not invited to Jack's wedding.

**At this point I posted**

Thanks for posting the update. I'm a little confused why you weren't willing to pay the money. These are some quotes from comments you said earlier.

>If you lose your only child, nothing else really matters. I didn't understand that before. Hopefully you never do.

(On if you would be willing to divorce Tom to get Jack back)

>If I had to, yes. Truthfully, that's kind of been falling apart anyway and the only reason I haven't divorced him is because I don't want to lose Alyssa.

>I should never have touched the car. I should have just grounded him, insisted on the apology and maybe also made him hand over the money.

>Losing a relationship with a child is a hell of a thing. It is like a death. I hate what he did, but there is nothing worth losing a child over.

>I lost my son for that girl who I don't even know.

>Exact words were high road, low road, I don't care. Whatever wins. The irony is that now I'm sitting where he was except worse. I'd do anything for him back.

So after all that you weren't willing to give Jack his $800 back. Where is the disconnect here. If you are really willing to do whatever it takes then why weren't you willing to do this?

**And her response**

I was so angry. I am still so angry. He was sitting there, smug as can be with his little girlfriend, my Ex and my Ex's best friend there as his lawyer. In that moment, I just couldn't.

The whole thing was to humiliate me. They stuck me in a crack den of a hotel, made me trek all over New York, then they all show up laughing and backslapping and the lawyer tells me I can't talk to my own son unless I pay him $800.

I just don't even know what to do anymore. Dan reversed the polarity on the child support and I'm now a few months behind on the mortgage and the hole gets deeper and deeper. I placed my house for sale on the market. I'm just at wit's end.

I have no idea how he called his father! I thought we isolated him completely!

I swear there was more / another one including the sons side about how much the mother lied/ledt out and that he�s going to school in NYC and has a girlfriend there.

Hughlander fucked around with this message at 23:05 on Dec 29, 2022

# ? Dec 29, 2022 23:03

DAD LOST MY IPOD: Feb 3, 2012; Fats Dominar is on the case

Hughlander posted:

I�m on mobile so here�s the BOTU without me formatting it�

I have no idea how he called his father! I thought we isolated him completely!

I swear there was more / another one including the sons side about how much the mother lied/ledt out and that he�s going to school in NYC and has a girlfriend there.

I felt like the original was an obvious fake because the specific choices it made of what to include and the dialogue made it sound like ex-husband�s revenge fantasy. like nobody posts �and then my awesome rich ex husband totally owned me abloobloobloo.� nothing I read here moved me off that position

# ? Dec 29, 2022 23:18

StrangersInTheNight: Dec 31, 2007; ABSOLUTE FUCKING GUDGEON

Cloacamazing! posted:

Holy poo poo, that video.

"At first only GAYS and IV drug users were being killed by AIDS" and, yeah, I'm pretty sure the implication is that this was completely fine, but now this ADORABLE BLONDE GIRL could also be killed, and that's bad.

Uhhhhmmmm I mean that is what happened tho. There's an entire lost generation of queer folks bc you have a whole decade of untreated AIDS and HIV ravaging them. Western society only started researching treatment and working on solving it bc kids started getting it and the adults started to realize it wasn't a convenient disease killing off all the people with 'bad morals', but that it's just a disease and as such discriminant, can affect everyone, even their kids. Well poo poo, I'm ok with the gays dying, but not my little Billy and Susie!!!

StrangersInTheNight fucked around with this message at 23:38 on Dec 29, 2022

# ? Dec 29, 2022 23:36

StrangersInTheNight: Dec 31, 2007; ABSOLUTE FUCKING GUDGEON

This is why COVID should not have surprised anyone, the US literally just ignored AIDS for a over a decade bc it was killing 'the right people'

# ? Dec 29, 2022 23:37

wheatpuppy: Apr 25, 2008; YOU HAVE MY POST!

StrangersInTheNight posted:

Uhhhhmmmm I mean that is what happened tho. There's an entire lost generation of queer folks bc you have a whole decade of untreated AIDS and HIV ravaging them. Western society only started researching treatment and working on solving it bc kids started getting it and the adults started to realize it wasn't a convenient disease killing off all the people with 'bad morals', but that it's in discriminant and without treatment that could get their kids and, without treatment intervention, would devastate humanity.

Oh for sure. I think it's just that in retrospect it seems ...discordant, maybe? for authority figures to just say that so blatantly and unashamedly.

# ? Dec 29, 2022 23:38

Foo Diddley: Oct 29, 2011; cat

wheatpuppy posted:

Oh for sure. I think it's just that in retrospect it seems ...discordant, maybe? for authority figures to just say that so blatantly and unashamedly.

it was the 1980s, they didn't give a gently caress

# ? Dec 29, 2022 23:40

StrangersInTheNight: Dec 31, 2007; ABSOLUTE FUCKING GUDGEON

wheatpuppy posted:

Oh for sure. I think it's just that in retrospect it seems ...discordant, maybe? for authority figures to just say that so blatantly and unashamedly.

We've come a long way in a short time, for sure. I mean poo poo most of my childhood, anyone who even gave a modicum of a poo poo about gay issues was immediately some sort of annoying bleeding heart sjw that was to be mocked. It's interesting to see how, now that its considered backwards and gauche to hate gay people or criticize them for standing up for their rights, all that anger has turned to the trans folks. So it goes.

Stonewall happened because the cops admit that it was no longer socially acceptable to openly hassle black folks so they figured the queers would be an easy target to move to, and instead got their asses handed to them.

Always looking for an Other to poo poo on.

StrangersInTheNight fucked around with this message at 03:13 on Dec 30, 2022

# ? Dec 29, 2022 23:45

Pope Corky the IX: Dec 18, 2006; What are you looking at?

This article includes excerpts from the Reagan administration�s initial responses to questions about the �gay plague� that had killed over a thousand people.

The Reagan administration's unbelievable response to the HIV/AIDS epidemic

# ? Dec 29, 2022 23:50

teen witch: Oct 9, 2012

If you can get your hands on United in Anger: a history of ACT UP, I highly recommend it. Inspiring as it was deeply enraging.

# ? Dec 30, 2022 00:03

edogawa rando: Mar 20, 2007

Involuntary Sparkle posted:

Another food one, even more infuriating. I'm surprised this wasn't posted yet but I checked the last few pages. Bolding mine.

AITA for cooking things I know my husband doesn't like?

It's rather interesting that he refuses to eat two very popular and common non-white food types. HMMM I WONDER WHY.

Foo Diddley posted:

AITA for telling my parents to not come over again?

yeah, it's OP's wife who's being childish, not the people who go out of their way to repeatedly violate the ONE boundary that's been set

I wonder what the wife's job is, because depending on what she does, there could be some documents with private information on there, like if she were in medicine and healthcare.

Hughlander posted:

AITA for ruining my daughter's Christmas by throwing away her Switch?

Holy whiplash from title to content. What the gently caress did I just read?

Her response is correct - if it's no big deal, then he can buy the loving Switch for the little thief. And loving lol that his argument is basically the same as the drunken Christmas arsehole from Harry Enfield and Chums.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gH9n_t1r6i4

# ? Dec 30, 2022 00:07

quantumwell: Jun 22, 2013

Foo Diddley posted:

it was the 1980s, they didn't give a gently caress

The "Moral Majority" loved it since gays were dying horrible deaths and people were forced to practice
safe sex (i.e. no Sex outside of marriage) or take their chances. It was only when people like Magic Johnson
and Ryan White contracted AIDs did they start realizing anybody could get it.

# ? Dec 30, 2022 00:09

Arsenic Lupin: Apr 12, 2012; This particularly rapid💨 unintelligible 😖patter💁 isn't generally heard🧏‍♂️, and if it is🤔, it doesn't matter💁.

A new take on "I gave all the money in my brother's will to my family because his husband didn't deserve it." Now locked.
AITA for keeping my father's money after he died?

quote:

Background: I (55F) am one of three siblings and we all live in different areas of the country, far enough that it's flying distance. My parents moved to my hometown about 25 years ago and, even though I work full-time, a lot of the responsibility of taking care of them has fallen on me. Things like, making sure they went to the doctors appt, helping move furniture, etc.

My father passed away in 2019 and had a bit of money, ~$5 million. My parents lived extremely frugally but made decent money, so it wasn't much of a surprise that it was there. After he passed, I had my mother (88F) sign over the power of attorney to me.

The situation has turned into a huge fight. I don't think my mother really has the mental capacity at this point to understand her finances. I frankly just think it would confuse her at this point. So I've kept the finances private, only to me. Every now and them, my mother says she'd like a full picture of what her finances are, but she doesn't follow up. My siblings are demanding that I hand over the money and have an outside person manage it, but legally, it's not their business.

Since my father passed, my mother has really enjoyed spending her money for things for my family. She bought one of my son's a new SUV and bought my daughter a dream wedding dress and paid for her honeymoon. She's even been talking about wanting to buy my husband and I a new home. She mentioned wanting to do things for the other grand children (there are 6 total not including my kids), but hasn't followed up.

My siblings are much wealthier than I am. They don't need the money, they just want it out of "equity" and on principal. If anything, my mother's money is helping me live at the standard that they've all enjoyed for years. I did 25 years of unpaid labor helping my parents; if anything, this is the most equitable solution.

My siblings are threatening to take my to court over this, but I'm just following my mother's wishes. AITA?

Sadly the comments are now deleted, but here are a few.

quote:

2ndgenerationcatlady 191 7m

First, I have to laugh at the idea of 5 million being just "a bit of money."

What does your dad's will say? Because what you or your siblings think or feel is kinda irrelevant here. If he left all the money to your mom, than it's her money. What does her will say? If she's going to split it among her kids, than yeah, you will need to share the inheritance once she passes. This is a legal question, not a AITA question.

Edit to add: based on your updates, it sounds like YOU are the one following up on any time she expresses a wish to buy something for your family, but you never are following up when it comes to her wishes to buy things for your siblings' families, so YTA for that.
JuniorCry2811 -228 9m

I want to know if AITA for not sharing the details of my mother's finances with my siblings or my mother.

My dad's will gave the my money to my mom, my mom's will splits the money between the grandchildren. But one of my siblings has more children, so it's not really fair tbh.

quote:

Are you spending her money without her permission?

No. She mentioned wanting to buy my daughter the wedding dress, so when we bought the dress I used my mother's money. Same with the honeymoon. She's older and not her full self, so she doesn't really have the wherewithal to go buy these things herself.

quote:

APlantNamedEarl 47 34m

So when she mentions that she would like to buy something for one of your siblings but �doesn�t follow up� - the difference is that actually in your case YOU are the one doing the �following up� because you have control of her money.

Holy poo poo. I can�t tell if you actually don�t see how wrong you are or if you�re just delusional. Either way, yes, obviously YTA. It doesn�t matter if your siblings have more money than you, it is not up to you to decide what they do with it.
JuniorCry2811 -52 36m

The problem is that my siblings aren't here to be able to follow up on her wishes. Which to me signals a bigger problem that they aren't here doing helping her and doing the work like I am.

quote:

YTA. As POA, you are only BY LAW allowed to use that money for your mother's wellbeing.

If, or should I say when, your siblings decide to take you to court over this, you will more than likely be ordered to pay back the cost of anything that has been spent on you or your kids. So that wonderful wedding dress and honeymoon and the car, you will need to pay that back. Especially if she has no understanding of her finances, as you claim. You've got yourself in a very sticky situation.
JuniorCry2811 -36 1h22m

I don't have the funds to pay any of that back, which is why my mother paid for them to begin with. This seems obvious. I don't see how any court would order someone to pay back a gift.

quote:

INFO: how much money have you already spent? Are you hiding the financials because you don�t want her or your siblings to find out how much money you�ve spent?
JuniorCry2811 -57 26m

Between the dress, honeymoon, and car, only ~$100k. Which is practically nothing compared to what she has.

# ? Dec 30, 2022 00:14

Pookah: Aug 21, 2008; 🪶Caw🪶

I've posted before, but a thing I am genuinely happy about, is that my weekly church-going, Irish Catholic grandmother, born in 1912, was 100% gay friendly way back in the 1980s.
She rented out small properties, and at least one of these was to a gay couple, who she always though were just the nicest, most charming pair of guys on earth.
My own brother is also gay, and she thought his partner, now husband, was a delightful man who was down to eat all the ham sandwiches and cups of tea that any Irish granny could provide.

She basically thought god could be bribed with a fiver, and anyone nice could be sneaked into heaven aside from any dumb Vatican rules.

She had the best kind of Catholicism.

# ? Dec 30, 2022 00:17

bell jar: Feb 25, 2009

Pomme de Terror posted:

Gotta love the complete lack of self-awareness here

AITA for not sharing some of my sunscreen with my boyfriend?

This is the most Australian-triggering post ever. I'm so mad! Slip slop slap!

# ? Dec 30, 2022 00:18

hawowanlawow: Jul 27, 2009

Arsenic Lupin posted:

A new take on "I gave all the money in my brother's will to my family because his husband didn't deserve it." Now locked.
AITA for keeping my father's money after he died?

Sadly the comments are now deleted, but here are a few.

this person seems to think they are the first person in history to come up with the idea to get POA over a senile old person and steal their money

# ? Dec 30, 2022 00:25

edogawa rando: Mar 20, 2007

bell jar posted:

This is the most Australian-triggering post ever. I'm so mad! Slip slop slap!

They even referenced it across the ditch in the mid-2000s.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2J3hJn_B2dg

# ? Dec 30, 2022 00:26

NGDBSS: Dec 30, 2009

Yeah that poo poo is such classic elder abuse that AARP and other organizations warn people about it.

# ? Dec 30, 2022 00:28

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? May 31, 2024 08:08

artsy fartsy: May 10, 2014; You'll be ahead instead of behind. Hello!

This one takes a turn!

I (27F) think I’m falling in love with my brother in law (26M)

quote:

My husband Will (28M) and I (27F) have been married for just over a year, and have been together for 4 years total.

When COVID lockdown began, Will’s brother Liam (26M) asked if he could come stay with us as his roommate is an essential worker and he is high risk (Crohn’s). Before this, Liam and I knew each other but definitely not well; we’d met probably under 10 times. But since he moved in, we’ve been spending a TON of time together, and alone. My husband is a lawyer so he’s holed up in his office most of the day. Liam and I are both technically still working, but work has kind of dried up for both of us so most of our days is free time. Liam’s been living with us for over 3 months now.

The first week Liam moved in, I was struck by how similar we were—much more so than my husband and I are. We have a similar sense of humor, similar interests, and I’d say our overall energy is very similar. He also looks a lot like Will. Except... since we got married, Will has gained about 30 pounds. Liam, on the other hand, is very very VERY fit. You get where I’m going here.

I don’t know Liam well enough to know for sure if he’s flirting with me, but it certainly feels like it. He laughs a lot at my jokes, teases me, and drops everything (e.g. hanging up on phone calls with friends) if I suggest we do something together (go to the store, or play a game, whatever). The way he looks at me also feels very affectionate and occasionally intense. We spend a lot of time tanning in the yard or in the pool, so we’re seeing each other half naked a lot. The sexual tension, at least on my end, is through the roof. My sex life with Will has also been flagging, which doesn’t help. We’ve also gotten emotionally close. We have a lot of late night, usually drunk/high talks alone because Will tends to go to bed early. We share a ton of inside jokes. We text, even though we’re in the same house. When I see him/his name on my phone, I get that giddy feeling in my stomach like I do in the early “courtship” stages of a relationship.

I guess I didn’t recognize the extent of the problem until last week. On Wednesday night, I had a very vivid sex dream about Liam. I woke up incredibly horny and initiated sex with Will, but was thinking about Liam the whole time. I felt so guilty and disgusting after. Then, on Friday night, we were all drunk and had put on music and were just dancing stupidly. Liam and I kept dancing when Will went to bed, and it got a little heated. We were “jokingly” grinding and rubbing up on each other, except it didn’t really feel like a joke. Since then, I keep having these thoughts of like, what life would be like if I’d met Liam instead of Will first, or what Liam would be like as a husband.

I talked to Will today about possibly asking Liam to leave, under the guise of needing more privacy and more space for our relationship. Will was kind of taken aback, since we “get along so well,” and more or less shot down the idea since Liam has nowhere else to go. I feel like I’m dangerously close to having an affair, if what’s happening now doesn’t already count as cheating, and I don’t know what I can do. Any advice is appreciated. Thanks.

Edit:

I woke up to this post having blown up... I’m trying to read every comment but it’s a little overwhelming. To clarify a few points:

1) I don’t know if this really matters, but a lot of comments have glommed onto this point: Liam and I both work, and are both earning our regular salaries right now. I make more money than Will. There’s just less work right now so we have a lot of free time. I may be a lovely person in other ways but the leech narrative is false, sorry.

2) I’m not sure if I want to stay with Will (or if he even wants to stay with me). Our married life has been rocky, even before all this (problems with intimacy, affection, lack of time for each other, lack of communication), which we’ve talked about and tried to address to no avail. Liam reminds me of what Will was like while we were dating, not just physically (I was trying to say this in a comment but was sleepy and it came out jumbled and kind of the opposite of what I was trying to say). But our married life also overlaps significantly with a really chaotic and stressful time in the world and in Will’s work, so I’m not sure if these problems are just temporary.

3) I am NOT considering physically cheating. I’m just afraid that if we’re in the house together all the time, the situation will only worsen (e.g. my feelings get stronger and it becomes harder to cut off). I recognize now that I definitely need to stop getting drunk/high with Liam, but I’m not sure that’ll solve everything. I would appreciate advice on how to cut things off tactfully.

4) I assumed this was par for the course for this subreddit, but the names used here aren’t their real names. I’m clearly poo poo at coming up with aliases.

I’ve booked a therapy session for myself and might just spend the day alone to reflect and really think about what I want. Thank you for taking the time to comment, especially those of you who have been kind.

Update: I (27F) think I’m falling in love with my brother in law (26M) - 8 July 2020

TLDR: I don’t know what the gently caress is going on anymore.

God, where do I begin.

I spent Monday out of the house and talked to Will on Monday night. I started off thinking I wouldn’t mention Liam, so I was saying stuff about how I missed spending one-on-one, quality time together, and suggested doing a date night next week. He said yeah, he knows, but he’s so busy these days, sorry. I told him about my therapy session, and how the therapist thought it’d be helpful if we did a session together, and that I’d like him to join next time. He was like, “Ohhhh… maybe. Why are you going to therapy?” I told him that’s what I wanted to talk to him about, I’m scared by how I’ve found myself feeling lately, I feel like I’ve started to doubt our marriage, I’m not being the wife I wanted myself to be, etc. He didn’t say anything in response.

Against many redditors’ advice and probably my better judgment, I told him I thought I’d developed a bit of a crush on Liam, that’s why I wanted him to leave. I told him about how we kept dancing after he went to bed, and how wrong it felt. I didn’t mention anything about my feelings possibly being reciprocated. He said HE KNEW, he saw it on the Nest cam. I didn’t even know there was a Nest cam in the living room. Then he was like, “honestly, I really don’t care who you gently caress. But loving my brother would be a little awkward for the next family get together.” I … was speechless. I told him I had no intention of loving his brother, that it was a crush that got out of hand. He didn’t believe me, claimed it was just a matter of time, that he’d been spending more time in the office to “give us space,” whatever that’s supposed to mean…

Then he accused me of having sex with a slew of other men: my friends and coworkers, his friends and coworkers, his best friend on our WEDDING DAY (there’s literally video footage of my every move that day?). He didn’t believe me when I denied it, but also said it “doesn’t matter” whether or not it’s true. He kept saying he always knew it was just “a matter of time.” There’s like an hour of this kind of back and forth. Then I asked him if he even wants to work on our marriage. He went, “I’m actually pretty happy right now.” I feel like I can’t even begin to describe this interaction accurately. It was like … talking to a wall or an alien. I told him he’s acting really weird, and asked him again to join me at therapy; he insisted he has nothing to talk to a therapist about.

I eventually told him that, if he doesn’t think our marriage needs work right now, then it isn’t a marriage I want to stay in. He goes, “it’s your world baby, I’m just living in it” (?????????). At this point it’s like 4am so I’m like, maybe you’re just so tired you’re delirious, let’s go to bed and pick this back up tomorrow.

So this morning (Tuesday) I try to initiate conversation again. He says he has no time, he’s running late to a meeting. He goes to his office and stays in there with the door locked all day. He came out once in like a 14-hour span to grab food and go to the bathroom. Liam also stays in his room all day, so I’m wondering if Will said something to him. I see him briefly around dinner time and apologized for how I acted on Friday night. In the grand scheme of things that conversation was very normal and uneventful. (I said something along the lines of “I think I let the alcohol get to my head and I acted inappropriately, it won’t happen again, sorry.” He was like, “oh yeah, I guess that was a bit much” and retreated back to his room.) I wait in mine and Will’s bedroom.

He comes in at 2am and when I try to talk he goes, “babe, do we really have to talk about this right now?” as if I’m just trying to discuss what color to paint our walls or something. I start to cry and for some reason he takes this as a cue to try to initiate sex? I say no, and he starts getting a little pushy and talking about “impregnating” me. So… I got out of bed and now I’ve just been on this couch for the past three hours trying to figure out what the gently caress is going on with my marriage.

I’m just… more confused than anything. Given the response to my first post, I don’t know if I’m really looking for advice anymore. Just thought maybe writing things down would help me figure poo poo out, and people have been badgering me for an update. Sorry this wasn’t the ending you all were hoping for.

Edit:

this will be my only edit and only attempt to defend myself because I feel like I’m getting judged based on false assumptions, although maybe it’s my fault for being unclear in the original post.

1) [after reading some comments I’m walking back what I said about emotional cheating, but I’d still like to leave some clarification here for context] I was not confiding in Liam about things that I would normally talk to Will about. When I said “we text,” I meant that we send each other funny things we see on the internet, and not anything that could even remotely be described as intimate. Although we did have several heart to hearts late at night, they’re conversations that I could’ve had with any other close friend (e.g. our ambitions, or our family history) and I would’ve been perfectly comfortable with Will being there.

2) I’m getting a lot of heat for the “grinding.” Maybe the criticism is fair and my moral compass is just totally off, but I don’t think it would’ve been that bad had I not been harboring feelings for Liam. It was the kind of jokey, over-exaggerated grinding you’d do with friends—at no point did my rear end or crotch make prolonged contact with Liam. I know for a fact that this type of dancing on its own isn’t a boundary (or at least a clear one) in my relationship with Will because I HAVE SEEN HIM DANCE IN THE SAME WAY with friends when we go out (pre-corona).

3) gently caress all of you who are taking the time out of your day to send me hate [edit: if it’s not clear, I mean people telling me to kill myself and calling me all kinda of names, not those who are leaving actual feedback/advice that are critical of me/my behavior]. Way to kick someone when they’re down. I mean I hope you are as morally inculpable and your lives as perfect as your internet persona might suggest, but the fact that you’re sending anonymous hate indicates that that’s probably not the case.

# ? Dec 30, 2022 00:50

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > r/relationships: I have nothing against this baby.

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