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Jastiger posted:So my adorable 3 year old daughter spilled chocolate milk all over the kitchen counter last Wednesday because she's 3. I didn't know about it as I was sawing wood or building a fence or some dad poo poo. shes from iowa which means your kid is so dumb that she won't understand why you're punishing her anyway. may as well forget it op
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Jun 6, 2016 06:27
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FOR 4 DAYS. 
"Tee hee, guess I forgot ho ho ho ho ho". 
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Robo Reagan posted:shes from iowa which means your kid is so dumb that she won't understand why you're punishing her anyway. may as well forget it op He wants to punish his wife, not his kid. Which is tricky because adult bones are less flexible or something.
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Jun 6, 2016 06:35
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shes from iowa which means your wife is so dumb that she won't understand why you're punishing her anyway. may as well forget it op
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Jun 6, 2016 06:36
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My partner was a total mommas boy (old school Italian family) so he's completely worthless when it comes to anything around the house. A few months ago I went back home to visit family for a week, and the day I left he decided to wash a load of towels. He claimed the machine was making a noise, so a few minutes into the wash cycle he pulls the knob out making the machine stop, and just let it sit in the dirty water for the rest of the week. When I came back I could smell it the second I came in the front door. It was enough to make me retch. Anyway, best to acknowledge your partner's weaknesses, and love them for their strengths. Also to put antifreeze in their fitness shakes without them knowing it (get life insurance forv them).
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Jun 6, 2016 06:43
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Robo Reagan posted:shes from iowa which means your wife is so dumb that she won't understand why you're punishing her anyway. may as well forget it op You need to condition her, Pavlov style.
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Jun 6, 2016 06:43
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Well, you're already living in Des Moines, so how can we punish you, or by extension, you wife any more?
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Jun 6, 2016 06:45
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Buy a new washer. And when she complains that you guys are having issues because some goon gave you irresponsible financial advice for free, you shove it in her face that it was this or clothes that stink like rancid milk poo poo forever.
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Jun 6, 2016 06:57
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haha nice joke OP but no goon has had sexual relations to have had a child. close one thou
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Jun 6, 2016 07:02
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spill a latte in her car
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Jun 6, 2016 07:30
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punch your wife in the neck
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Jun 6, 2016 07:38
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smear some turds in her house slippers
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Jun 6, 2016 07:39
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not so much that she notices but.. yknow.. enough to get the job done
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Jun 6, 2016 07:40
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Houses with kids in them are always just a circus of horrifying smells that the parents just get used to over the course of years. I never noticed it when I was a kid but wowzers a friend of mine moved in with a mom and I did not like it over there. Also where does all that loving laundry come from?
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Jun 6, 2016 07:41
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cut both of your achilles tendons then start dragging yourself around the house. every so often pause and shout "YOU DID THIS TO ME". you can thank me later OP
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Jun 6, 2016 07:42
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Lol. You're hosed, OP. The only revenge you can doll out at this point is to get drunk with your homies and get discovered, passed-out on your lawn. "Bae, I'm willing to go to ALANON with yo' jive rear end" "Naw, hun. You jus' promise notta gently caress up like that again, and I'll deliver tha' babbie myself!" "Oh bae, you so sweet! You can jam all mah holes tanah!" As above.... So....
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Jun 6, 2016 07:46
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True story my live in girlfriend once got like incredibly mad because I had forgotten I'd left some clothes in the washer that never saw the dryer, and forgotten about it when she asked. Like she called me a "LIAR!" with such righteous anger about it, like the only conceivable option was I told her I wasn't using the washer to gently caress with her, human beings never forget a chore midway through. Don't be like my histrionic ex-girlfriend, OP.
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Jun 6, 2016 08:00
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Fart in a tupperware container then seal it then stab her in the neck
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Jun 6, 2016 08:02
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Iowa? Serve creamed corn and chocolate milk soup for dinner
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Jun 6, 2016 08:04
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Leave your wife for Lena Dunham, that'll show her. Downside is dunhams various flesh folds also stink of sour chocolate milk
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Jun 6, 2016 08:05
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Wake up early one morning, poo poo in the bed and leave for work OP.
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Jun 6, 2016 08:15
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teach your daughter the "nanny nanny boo boo" chant and get her to tease ur wife relentlessly
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Jun 6, 2016 08:22
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Make her beat your rear end with a belt till you pass out.
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Jun 6, 2016 11:33
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Lock her in the washing machine and gently caress some dirty rags
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Jun 6, 2016 11:46
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reinforce positive behaviors instead of punishing negative ones 
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Jun 6, 2016 12:06
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Eat her rear end.
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Jun 6, 2016 12:22
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Hire Aatrek as a babysitter.
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Jun 6, 2016 12:23
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double underhook ddt through the spanish announcer's table
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Jun 6, 2016 12:23
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Make her play Sonic 06
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Jun 6, 2016 12:30
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Show her your post history
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Jun 6, 2016 12:42
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criscodisco posted:My partner was a total mommas boy (old school Italian family) so he's completely worthless when it comes to anything around the house. are you ion a sitcom where two cop buddies are living together or something
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Jun 6, 2016 12:44
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Kill your daughter. This will show your wife the depths of the pain she has caused you. Alternately, wall your wife up in your wine cellar to die of dehydration.
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Jun 6, 2016 12:49
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Cancel your life insurance and kill yourself.
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Jun 6, 2016 12:52
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Turn her into an anime and join isis
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Jun 6, 2016 12:56
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Nigmaetcetera posted:Alternately, wall your wife up in your wine cellar to die of dehydration. i call this montressoring and its my fetish
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Jun 6, 2016 13:02
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You can punish her by moving to an even shittier state haha get it? Because there is none?
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Jun 6, 2016 13:19
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Shinjobi posted:Wake up early one morning, poo poo in the bed and leave for work OP. I work from home. Obscuritatem posted:double underhook ddt through the spanish announcer's table Dirty deeds not a bad idea. I already routinely suplex my daughter for her insubordination. All these jokes about moving to other states are just not really constructive, or really in the budget. However it WOULD be a good punishment that she'd be further away from her family, thus rendering her helpless when I gently caress up painting or gardening or some poo poo. Frankenstyle posted:I forgot. If the smell doesn't come out after running it through a couple of full cycles, you have a garbage tier washing machine that's probably been breeding mold and bacteria that you can't smell since you bought it. I hope this isn't the case. Its a pretty decent LG washer, though it IS getting on in years. Basically the reason stuff goes out is because of stuff like this. It'd probably be smell free for another 5 years but nope she had to leave chocolate milk in the washer in an attempt to make home made cottage cheese. I mean seriously who does that. Now that I think about it, she's done it in the past too. Its my "chore" to do the laundry which is normally no big deal, but this seems to translate into "Put dirty stuff in the washer and Jastiger will do it later". Again normally no problem, but it is when the items in the washer are say dirty kids clothed from an accident. A massive spill like the aforementioned chocolate milk. Wet towels from the pool. That double underhook DDT is sounding better and better.
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Jun 6, 2016 13:54
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A CISHET SHITLORD posted:be a spiteful dick and refuse to do any dad chores because she apparently neglects her wife chores. Hold out until the house is falling down around you and she apologizes This: "OP! You didn't pay the mortgage or any of the bills for 3 months!" "Guess I forgot teehee."
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Jun 6, 2016 13:56
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waterboard your wife but with chocolate milk. this might just turn her on however people are into all kinds of hosed up poo poo these days. stay safe iowa ghost.
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Jun 6, 2016 14:06
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beat her with a sack of oranges like all midwestern husbands
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Jun 6, 2016 14:14
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spend less on candles
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Jun 6, 2016 14:20
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