Awia posted:

please love me yospos

Awia posted:

my iphone se is good and i don't need to take it apart ever so what screws it uses is academic

Silver Alicorn posted:

du -hast posted:

Apple is literally for bitches. Little cunts squirting cum on their loving 4s screen. Taking dick pics and posting them on /b/ and accidentally facebook. A tiny penis, dribbling a loving serious load of cum (maybe he eats asparagus a lot). The screws loosen. Make sure you squirt the loving load right on the screws bitch. This ain't a game OK. These screws, well, you're gonna get screwed bitch. Anyway, squirt on the screws, then place your mouth (aka "soup coolers") in the facebook slut duck mount position. Again make sure you rub the nut into the screws so its gets nice and loose. Then stick your bitch mouth over the screws and SUCK. Suck hard, r0tate that head, and get ready. Lick and love the cum. Turn the screws with your tongue. It's exciting, a big load on a loving bitchass apple product. It's better than it deserves.

Once you open the loving poo poo bitch apple garbage w\ ur mouth and the cummies, use a giant kitchen knife (I prefer a butcher knife myself) and loving put ur tiny, shriveled dick on a cutting board and chop as hard as you can.

Then take ur loving little hot dog bitch cock and stick it on top of the now open and warantee-less iphone or whatever the gently caress garbage gets you going. Put it in the microwave to charge. Once its all good & cooked, you did it, you got into the phone.

And all it required is u to suck the screws out then chop off ur tiny pecker, since, as an apple fag, you are definitely not using it anyway. Goddamn apple. loving dumb fucks.

du -hast posted:

Wake up in the hospital from the blood loss. The doctor and nurse are making fun of you. You bring your loving weiner that is now cooked to look like a loving burnt as gently caress Hebrew National hot dog.

They give you morphine, and the nurses station tells stories about what a bitch you are. You brought the cooked apple poo poo garbage oval office to the hospital and they confiscate it, laughing at what a bitch you are. Stuck with apple. lmao. They giggle behind your back and eat donuts and drink coffee and even though they are health professionals they are all still fat as gently caress, i mean round like a house, face in the donut box, eating like a loving rutting pig.

There you are. Dickless (no real change here, i bet you vape too you loving little poo poo), with a burnt iphone.

They sew up the end of ur dick and leave a tiny hole so u can pee. You will never cum again. Your balls are now worthless, which happened immediately once you bought an apple product. Theyw ill fill with cum so loving big that it will hurt all the time.

This is what Applefags deserve: a different type of screw

gently caress

du -hast posted:

Of course, since this is a self injury situation, a social worker comes and sees whats up. You pull up ur gown and expose your tiny chopped up penis. Your balls are huge and turning black. Gas gangrene is coming.

The social worker laughs solid 2-3 minutes and says "you're loving retarded" and you explain that no, apple is the best, pram told me so, so of course everything is great with it. When I use apple poo poo I feel like I have a real dick again.

The socail worker recommends that you go to the mental hospital wing. They escort you and lock the door behind you. You stand in a small room, U shaped, the bottom being the nurses station. The place is full; all 24 rooms are taken. Crazy people (like urself) are there, mumbling, talking, thinking they are god. Then there is FruitMan, who says "apple" all the time. You find this comforting. You show him your tiny little penis and he giggles like a little girl even though he is a morbidly obese 45 year old man.

He recommends a banana, put it on the edge of that little pecker and hide it in ur pants. Since you have a urine bag, since ur dick is hosed, maybe use rubber bands to shape it like a cock. Yeah, that'll do it. After a week of the Thorazine shuffle you are released, and go home, with half a dick. You look at the cutting board and cry, but a little bit some tears of joy, since you finally joined the apple fan club, you are a true believer.

Two weeks later, you get a bill from the hospital for $35,000. You got screwed my man. And just think that you could have bought a new apple poo poo fag book thing for like $1,500. loving bitch apple fags fucks

du -hast posted:

Pissing becomes an act of misery. You can't pay the hospital bill, you get kicked out of your lovely apartment because the manager, a serious size queen, I mean loves the cock, but only big, circumsized ones. Not ones that are loving chopped. He demands to see the cock. You try to deny him but Tyrone, the manager, is 6'6 and 300lbs, and your 100lb 5'2 frame (lol tory cmos), it is no match. He pulls down your pants. A deep, chocolatey laugh comes out of Tryone, for literally 3-4 minutes, I mean he finds it hilarious, tiny, and laughs til hes out of breath. Then he says you got 10 minutes to get the gently caress out, with ur hosed up pecker, we dont accept dick cripples here bitch.

So you gather your stuff (including the cutting board) and head out. You dont have any friends (goon), so you dont know where to go . You have $43.

You finally realize that there is only one solution. Your balls are so loving big and black, its like a coconut spraypainted with glossy black or some poo poo. Like a really ripe avocado that someone pumped air into. It hurts to walk, your hosed up balls bashing against your leg. You carry ur stuff in a duffelbag, including your anime figurines, and your hosed up apple laptop.

You meet a homeless man on the street in a wheelchair. He asks, of course, to see the package. He laughs until he literally shits himself on the wheelchair then drinks a 40 and chills. You continue on.

You get to a seedy part of Santa Monica Blvd. Perfect. You can use that $43 and maybe make some cash.

The first "escort" is exactly what you are looking for. A large black woman with a giant afro. You beg her to help you with your balls, $40, please god. She feels them and pain immediately explodes into your brain, unavoiadable, powerful, overwhelming.

By now this balls have gotten so big that the only solution is to cut em open a drain the loving load within.

She pulls a straight razor out of her afro and slices carefully right on that seam that you have on the front of your nuts, you know, taht seperate them alittle or whatever.

Cum explodes out. She is bathed in it. It squirts across the street, hitting a chinese woman with her cart, vest, etc ready to get on the bus after going shopping for wahtever the gently caress. She cries in despair. The black woman is amazed. She pushes on your balls and you pass the gently caress out. She squeezes and squeezes, getting all the cum out of the nutsack while you are unconscious. Once of your testicles is turning black and there is a significant amount of globby pus comes out, it smells like a garbage dump or something sinister. She pours some of the 40 of Old English into the nutsack to you know clean that poo poo out or whatever. She grabs a used napkin from the trash and wipes it out.

You are still unconscious, but even then you know that you are gaining relief. The $40 was well spent

du -hast posted:

You awake. Your balls feel better. Looks like they were closed up with duct tape. Almost certainly going to cause sepsis but goddamn you feel better. Way better. You couln't believe how much pain it was until you feel the relief, you know what i mean

Anyway, now that you are homeless and on Santa Monica Blvd, you gotta learn to hustle. You gots a tiny dick but a nice tight rear end in a top hat (apple product user, remember). You realize that you can charge $40 to just see the dick, plus $40 (so $80) if they want to squeeze the urine bag and watch the piss actually literally go back up into your bladder, its loving a weird feeling man but $80 is $80.

You know you gotta pay that hospital bill or at least get a lovely motel room so you can turn tricks off the street.

You do it. A great, special escort since you have no dick and a urine bag, so you are basically crippled ubt also a prostitute. its weird

Anyway, you go out onto the street. Pretty quick the johns know about your tiny dick, urine bag, and above all your tight rear end in a top hat.

One day Tyrone comes by. He wants the full thing, urine bag squeeze, play with the crippled and worthless dick, i mean like flick it or push hard on it so it goes actually into the body. Jiggle the loving catheter for the urine bag, slicing your urethra. You bend over and are surprised that the rumors about large African American men are not always true, and you find relief. Your rear end in a top hat might be a bit looser but kegels will tighten it up. You are making loving real money now, can afford apple stuff, etc. Once Tyrone busts his nasty nut in your rear end in a top hat, I mean totallt creampies you, he pulls a screwdriver, a loving penta one or whatever the poo poo rear end bithc apple uses. Finally.

You go unscrew the back of the macbook. You cannot modify it at all, its one ofthose proprietary ones.

So basically, you got hosed dude. Be an adult and use Windows. Otherwise Tyrone et all gonna squeeze that urine bag up and down and its not really a good feeling.

Captain Foo posted:

what kind of poorly-smythe-emulating gobbeldygook was that

du -hast posted:

You find yourself stuck, stuck on the street, turning tricks near the Apple store just to feel a little warmth. Your testicles of course were massively infected. You go to the hospital (a different one this time) and the only solution is to remove your worthless testicles and clean out the sack, sew it up, etc. If you had the money you would do neuticles but you dont, you spent it all on iPhone cases and Macbooks (the lovely motel doesn't have internet!! all you do it stare at the screen, like a bitch, not even posting./browsing dank memes.) You have to go to starbucks for their wifi but since you are homelss and a dick sucking fiend, your lovely shirt always has massive loads on it, i mean it looks like that one thread posted years ago wehere the guy was a plumber and nutted on his pants every night and posted pictures of said nut, on his pants, and then arguesd that it was fine because he was going to cahgne clothes for tomorrow anyway. Your shirt literally looks like a Jackson POllock painting, its disgusting, but the only one you have. You sneak to starbucks but they usually kick you out, except for the one manager, robert, who is cool but always asks to see the tiny dick and basically prune sized nutsack. He does the urine bag thing too.

The catheter is old. You dont have the cash for anew one (apple fag remember). Your urthra is in pain every day, $80 to squeeze the urine back in is not enough, its pain, pain pain. Your urethra burns at all times and your tiny cock is turning purple, infected, infused with spesis and strange urine.

Back to the hospital (different one this time, of course) they look at what is left of the cock. They check you in and put you on antibiotics via IV immediately. But it doesn't seem to work. The cock turns purple, then an angry purple, like a real bad one, you know,a nd the starts to turn black around the edges. They have no choice, they have to operate.

They cut pieces of your penis off, not the whole thing just the parts that are necrotising. The smell is horrible.

The infection slowly spreads to general sepsis. The antibiotics don't seem to be working. Also you find out you have both HIV and Hepatitis C from the jackson pollock shirt adventure (you are now wearing a gown, and the shirt is on a little chair in the room, standing up like a cumsock that has been used to death.

You become delirous, your mind slowly failing as your organs shut down. All you can think of is that you wish you had gone out like Steve Jobs (peace be unpon him), rather than bleeding our your crippled dick and empty ballsack like a loving little bitch.

This the tale of Apple users. Gay as gently caress, dumb, retarded, cuckolded, pussy hipster faggots, who dont even know what YOSPOS is, chome, etc. They are gay loving bitches cunts retards.

Finally, an illustration of what the gently caress:

Captain Foo posted:

what kind of poorly-smythe-emulating gobbeldygook was that

du -hast posted:

lmao if u think i could ever live up to the schizophrenic rambles of smythe

Smythe posted:

hes cool and my friend

Nanomashoes posted:

Smythe is actually mentally and emotionally stable and my friend.

Silver Alicorn posted:

because torx wasn't obscure enough

Nanomashoes posted:

Smythe is actually mentally and emotionally stable and my friend.

CRIP EATIN BREAD posted:

lol if you think torx is obscure

i wont even buy wood screws unless they are torx at this point. ive been spoiled by GRK and SPAX

maniacdevnull posted:

DSLAM is the light

surebet posted:

best 25$ i spent in 2014

https://www.ifixit.com/Store/Tools/54-Bit-Driver-Kit-/IF145-022

CRIP EATIN BREAD posted:

lol if you think torx is obscure

i wont even buy wood screws unless they are torx at this point. ive been spoiled by GRK and SPAX

Silver Alicorn posted:

because torx wasn't obscure enough

echinopsis posted:

square drive owns just for your information

BONGHITZ posted:

just use nails

Endless Mike posted:

jis are my favorite fastener because they look like phillips but you'll gently caress them up if you use a phillips screwdriver

du -hast posted:

Apple is literally for bitches. Little cunts squirting cum on their loving 4s screen. Taking dick pics and posting them on /b/ and accidentally facebook. A tiny penis, dribbling a loving serious load of cum (maybe he eats asparagus a lot). The screws loosen. Make sure you squirt the loving load right on the screws bitch. This ain't a game OK. These screws, well, you're gonna get screwed bitch. Anyway, squirt on the screws, then place your mouth (aka "soup coolers") in the facebook slut duck mount position. Again make sure you rub the nut into the screws so its gets nice and loose. Then stick your bitch mouth over the screws and SUCK. Suck hard, r0tate that head, and get ready. Lick and love the cum. Turn the screws with your tongue. It's exciting, a big load on a loving bitchass apple product. It's better than it deserves.

Once you open the loving poo poo bitch apple garbage w\ ur mouth and the cummies, use a giant kitchen knife (I prefer a butcher knife myself) and loving put ur tiny, shriveled dick on a cutting board and chop as hard as you can.

Then take ur loving little hot dog bitch cock and stick it on top of the now open and warantee-less iphone or whatever the gently caress garbage gets you going. Put it in the microwave to charge. Once its all good & cooked, you did it, you got into the phone.

And all it required is u to suck the screws out then chop off ur tiny pecker, since, as an apple fag, you are definitely not using it anyway. Goddamn apple. loving dumb fucks.

Endless Mike posted:

jis are my favorite fastener because they look like phillips but you'll gently caress them up if you use a phillips screwdriver