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Smythe posted:not sure if they covered this subj in hebrew school op but it sounds cool. good find. lets send this baby upstairs to the scholars it sounds like they've been over it for a pretty long time already
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Jul 19, 2017 11:52
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Drunk & Ugly posted:http://www.evidenceunseen.com/bible-difficulties-2/ot-difficulties/genesis-deuteronomy/gen-921-25-did-ham-rape-noah/ Seems pretty reasonable. I don't know, it bugs me when people re-interpret the bible just because they don't like what it says. "Oh, it must be pretty easy for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle, otherwise it's saying I shouldn't be rich?"
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Jul 19, 2017 12:12
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Maybe Ham was making fun of Noah's tiny penis, and the other brothers were careful not to look because they knew if they saw it they would never be able to respect him again.
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Jul 19, 2017 12:48
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the Curse of Ham is the name of my butcher shop
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Jul 19, 2017 13:05
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the Curse of Ham will be my cause of death
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Jul 19, 2017 13:08
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I think they dped him with the "Hamcannon".
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Jul 19, 2017 13:29
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He told everyone around the village Noah was compensating with his big boat, really hammed it up
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Jul 19, 2017 13:32
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Evangelicals believe the curse of Ham is why black people deserve to be slaves.
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Jul 19, 2017 13:43
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hosed up if true.
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Jul 19, 2017 14:02
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Candlelight Virgil posted:I think they dped him with the "Hamcannon".
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Jul 19, 2017 14:14
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nig noah tryin to get a ham beezy
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Jul 19, 2017 14:17
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Turns out there was a translation error: Noah wasn't ham-handed, he was ham fisted
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Jul 19, 2017 14:20
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poverty goat posted:nig noah tryin to get a ham beezy Stay safe poverty goat
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Jul 19, 2017 14:21
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Ham got reincarnated as Azure_Horizon
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Jul 19, 2017 14:29
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scrubs season six posted:If I had a time machine with only one use I'd go back to witness the Noah rape. Or dinosaurs maybe. Good news! Noah and the dinosaurs existed at the same time so you can do both at once! fun fact: ham actually WAS a dinosaur
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Jul 19, 2017 14:32
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When I was 7 in Hebrew school for the first time they explained it to me that Noah got raped by his son. As punishment for this rape, his son turned into the first black man. Needless to say I transferred Hebrew schools shortly after explaining the story and pointing out the plot holes to my mother. edit: The pillar of salt bullshit really pissed me off too. P. much every story in the old Testament is super hosed. Like if this is god i'm siding with the devil! Dubplate Fire fucked around with this message at 15:18 on Jul 19, 2017 |
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Jul 19, 2017 15:14
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bruvs be4 luvs
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Blazing Ownager posted:You see, it wasn't Lot's fault he plowed both his daughters. The evil harlots tricked him with wine! There's only one sin, and that's disobeying God's commands.
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Jul 19, 2017 15:17
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https://twitter.com/dril/status/887...%3D2881%23pti12
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Jul 19, 2017 15:18
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Dubplate Fire posted:When I was 7 in Hebrew school for the first time they explained it to me that Noah got raped by his son. As punishment for this rape, his son turned into the first black man. Needless to say I transferred Hebrew schools shortly after explaining the story and pointing out the plot holes to my mother. yeah are we gonna side with the cool snake who wants to give us forbidden knowledge or this rear end in a top hat who kills off large swathes of human civilization periodically and blames us for it like a cosmic game of "stop hitting yourself"
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Jul 19, 2017 15:25
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poverty goat posted:yeah are we gonna side with the cool snake who wants to give us forbidden knowledge or this rear end in a top hat who kills off large swathes of human civilization periodically and blames us for it like a cosmic game of "stop hitting yourself" For real, God literally demanded that Abraham kill his first born son to prove to Satan how devoted Abraham is. Satan was like "dude, don't do this poo poo, like think about the poo poo he's asking you to do." Then at the end of course god is all like, "hahaha just playin, you almost did it tho, pay up Satan, that'll be 100 sheckles." Like what in the actual gently caress. He might've actually let him do it if Satan wasn't there to try and talk some sense into the dude.
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Jul 19, 2017 15:32
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Dubplate Fire posted:When I was 7 in Hebrew school for the first time they explained it to me that Noah got raped by his son. As punishment for this rape, his son turned into the first black man. Needless to say I transferred Hebrew schools shortly after explaining the story and pointing out the plot holes to my mother. Old Testament Satan is basically God's attorney general. Satan only really becomes the villain around the time god has a kid and mellows out
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Jul 19, 2017 15:32
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fruit on the bottom posted:Old Testament Satan is basically God's attorney general. Satan only really becomes the villain around the time god has a kid and mellows out Yeah, it's different dudes, actually, but that complicates things when trying to riff on the Something Awful Forums. edit: The serpent was never Satan, either they retconned that. He was just a regular old Chinese dragon or some poo poo who turned into a snake after talking some sense into Eve.
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Jul 19, 2017 15:34
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Dubplate Fire posted:For real, God literally demanded that Abraham kill his first born son to prove to Satan how devoted Abraham is. Satan was like "dude, don't do this poo poo, like think about the poo poo he's asking you to do." Then at the end of course god is all like, "hahaha just playin, you almost did it tho, pay up Satan, that'll be 100 sheckles." Like what in the actual gently caress. He might've actually let him do it if Satan wasn't there to try and talk some sense into the dude. Satan doesn't show up in this story. You're thinking of Job and Satan is the one who makes the wager
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Jul 19, 2017 15:34
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fruit on the bottom posted:Satan doesn't show up in this story. You're thinking of Job and Satan is the one who makes the wager Oh I dunno I was 7 when I learned this poo poo. edit: I don't even know who Job is. Is that the whale dude? double edit: I skimmed it, and I was mixing up the two stories together. Either way, Hail Satan! Dubplate Fire fucked around with this message at 15:45 on Jul 19, 2017 |
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Jul 19, 2017 15:36
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[about to kill my first born son n God shows up] "I've made a huge mistake!!"
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Jul 19, 2017 15:47
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Nah, that's the dude that's happy and successful and Satan is like "he only loves you because his life is perfect. If you made his life a living hell and destroyed everything he loved he'd turn on you in a second" and god is like "we'll see about that" And the whole thing ends on a mostly unsatisfactory note where Job accuses god of not understanding what it's like to be tiny and insignificant on a cosmic scale and god points out that Job doesn't understand what it's like to be constantly sustaining existence itself and making reality possible. Then god gives just back his health, status, and riches, and gives him a new family to replace the one he killed. Then he punishes Job's "friends" who spent the entire story insisting that Job must be a real shithead because bad things only happen to bad people and even God is sick of them at this point. It's a whole book of the Bible. Last I read, the scholarly thinking was that the book was written as fiction (like deliberately so) and that's one of the reasons it's considered a "wisdom" book rather than a "history" one.
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Jul 19, 2017 15:50
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Dubplate Fire posted:Yeah, it's different dudes, actually, but that complicates things when trying to riff on the Something Awful Forums. What if Eve was Satan???
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Jul 19, 2017 15:53
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fruit on the bottom posted:Nah, that's the dude that's happy and successful and Satan is like "he only loves you because his life is perfect. If you made his life a living hell and destroyed everything he loved he'd turn on you in a second" and god is like "we'll see about that" A real rabbi will say the whole thing is fiction, tbh.
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Jul 19, 2017 15:54
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I love my dead gay ham
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Jul 19, 2017 15:55
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myDad posted:[about to kill my first born son n God shows up] Panel 1: god busting into real world Panel 2: god speaking to Abraham's wife Panel 3: god saying "don't do it bro" to Abraham Panel 4: Abraham raising a knife over prone body.
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Jul 19, 2017 16:02
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Who What Now posted:Evangelicals believe the curse of Ham is why black people deserve to be slaves. The curse of Ham is why jews can't eat pig.
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Jul 19, 2017 16:17
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Colonel Cancer posted:Panel 1: god busting into real world
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Jul 19, 2017 16:18
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Turns out the gross incest porn isn't new I guess.
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Jul 19, 2017 16:26
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Feminasty Slut posted:Turns out the gross incest porn isn't new I guess. Sounds like someone didn't read their bible
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Jul 19, 2017 16:43
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The bible is impossible to read, so I can't comment OP.
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Jul 19, 2017 17:14
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Moon Atari posted:Maybe Ham was making fun of Noah's tiny penis, and the other brothers were careful not to look because they knew if they saw it they would never be able to respect him again. Whoever wrote that story had a tiny penis and wrote it as a bedtime story for his kids. "So whatever you do kids, if your father is drinking and falls asleep on the couch with his pants down, don't look at his cock! And especially don't tell anyone what you saw!"
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Jul 19, 2017 17:39
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Blue Train posted:Good news! Noah and the dinosaurs existed at the same time so you can do both at once! fun fact: ham actually WAS a dinosaur Noah got raped by a triceratop's cloaca.
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Jul 19, 2017 17:44
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Buce posted:youre thinking of the acopropha
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Jul 19, 2017 17:50
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eSports Chaebol posted:am i the only one who thinks "ham, shem, and japheth" sounds like the names of the ancient three stooges
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Jul 19, 2017 17:50
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Dubplate Fire posted:When I was 7 in Hebrew school for the first time they explained it to me that Noah got raped by his son. As punishment for this rape, his son turned into the first black man. Needless to say I transferred Hebrew schools shortly after explaining the story and pointing out the plot holes to my mother. Some idiots were using this passage as a justification for slavery because they thought Ham was black. Wiki posted:Some modern scholars have argued that the story's original purpose was to justify the subjection of the Canaanite people to the Israelites,[4] but in later centuries, the narrative was interpreted by some Jews, Christians, and Muslims as an explanation for black skin, as well as slavery.[5] Nevertheless, most Christians, Muslims and Jews now disagree with such interpretations, because in the biblical text, Ham himself is not cursed, and race or skin color is never mentioned.[6] But nothing says Ham is black. He just happens to have a name that is similar to the word for "dark". Wiki posted:While Genesis 9 never says that Ham was black, he became associated with black skin, through folk etymology deriving his name from a similar, but actually unconnected, word meaning "dark" or "brown".[37]
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Jul 19, 2017 17:54
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