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When my mom was very pregnant with my younger brother, I asked her how he was going to get out. She told me that "a sort of door opens up and the baby comes out." So for a while I imagined the skin on her belly receding to reveal an actual little wooden 4-panel door, peaked top like a door in a castle or old church, with hinges and a door knob.
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Jun 9, 2021 17:14
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Festus The Fetus posted:I thought the D in Disney was a backwards G, probably in part do to my dyslexia. I thought it was a Q.
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Jun 9, 2021 18:47
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Aardvark! posted:When I was like 6 I thought girls' genitalia was a kind of tube, like an empty foreskin, and it stuck out of their buttcrack. I thought this too. My impression of it was like an empty ballsack with a hole in the middle, but it was where the penis would be on a boy.
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Jun 9, 2021 19:22
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I thought getting fired from a job meant they brought you before a firing squad.
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Jun 9, 2021 20:00
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I thought when you had a boner an actual bone slid down from your abdomen into your penis.
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Jun 9, 2021 20:05
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BigBadSteve posted:His abusive dad was loving with him. He would never treat his son as a man. They were some sort of fundamentalist so that wouldn't surprise me. They were gone after that school year.
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Jun 9, 2021 20:10
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DarkSoulsTantrum posted:I thought this too. My impression of it was like an empty ballsack with a hole in the middle, but it was where the penis would be on a boy. I mean this is actually an ALMOST true guess not like... visually, probably
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Jun 9, 2021 20:44
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I thought that if my dad took off his wedding band he would turn in to a werewolf. Turns out it just turned him in to an alcoholic.
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Jun 9, 2021 20:52
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thunderspanks posted:"boy lowtax sure is cool and funny" Lowtax does what ebaumsworldont
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Jun 9, 2021 21:58
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Gianthogweed posted:https://youtu.be/yxlO5IGst-E on a serious note I've never seen this before, and as someone usually irritated by bad novelty songs I gotta say whoever did this one really nailed the production
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Jun 9, 2021 22:06
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thunderspanks posted:on a serious note I've never seen this before, and as someone usually irritated by bad novelty songs I gotta say whoever did this one really nailed the production He's the same guy who made this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0tdyU_gW6WE Naturally as a hilarious and cool person, all the other goons harassed him off the forum. edit: I grew up in a rough neighborhood and there was always broken windshield glass on the streets from car break-ins. My friend convinced us all those were condoms. You were supposed to put the glass bits in a cup with warm water and they would dissolve, then you'd stick your dick into it for a shiny new condom coating. Zero VGS fucked around with this message at 22:22 on Jun 9, 2021 |
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Jun 9, 2021 22:17
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DarkSoulsTantrum posted:I thought when you had a boner an actual bone slid down from your abdomen into your penis. Humans are one of the few mammals who don't have a penis bone.
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Jun 9, 2021 22:28
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there was a cholesterol scare when i was a kid and watching the news had me believe eating multiple eggs would kill you. one egg, you're fine. two eggs, you drop dead. i also thought the people who died on tv and in movies were depressed people who had agreed to get shot on film.
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Jun 9, 2021 22:44
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Wall Balls posted:i also thought the people who died on tv and in movies were depressed people who had agreed to get shot on film.
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Jun 9, 2021 22:49
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thunderspanks posted:In a similar vein, when I was probably around 6 and had no idea how movies/tv were made, I thought actors had to memorize all their lines. I had no concept of takes & scenes and it made it all seem so daunting. You've invented theatre
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Jun 9, 2021 22:55
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When I was really young, I thought that height was related to age. That the older you were, the taller you were. To be fair, though, I was probably picking up on the fact that kids get taller as they develop and most of the people I knew at the time were kids. I also knew several kids that thought clones were telepathically linked, for some reason.
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Jun 9, 2021 23:10
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thunderspanks posted:In a similar vein, when I was probably around 6 and had no idea how movies/tv were made, I thought actors had to memorize all their lines. I had no concept of takes & scenes and it made it all seem so daunting. I thought all TV was filmed live and reruns were perfect re-enactments of the original episode.
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Jun 9, 2021 23:44
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When I was 12 i got a really bad cold and sore throat that made my voice sound like a 50 year old smoker I assumed it was puberty and id sound like that forever
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Jun 10, 2021 00:09
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I (an American) used to think that people who spoke non-English languages heard their own languages as English in their own heads.
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Jun 10, 2021 01:00
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When I was about seven, my dad took me skiing. He pointed out one of the artificial snow machines that was running and I asked him how it could make snow if it wasn't cold enough for it to snow normally. He explained that the machine was using very finely sliced potatoes, and that there was a potato-melting chemical in them that would get rid of them in three days. Since I was a kid, I just nodded. I had seen what color potatoes were and they looked pretty white so it made sense they would blend in with snow. I went up to a different resort when I was like 15 or so, with some friends. As I rode by one of their snow machines, I wondered to myself "Where do they put the potatoes in?" Then I realized the truth.
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Jun 10, 2021 01:56
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Telsa Cola posted:Humans are one of the few mammals who don't have a penis bone. The Hebrew word for 'rib' and 'baculum' is the same, and it's entirely possible that Adam was supposed to have given up his dickbone to make Eve
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Jun 10, 2021 02:04
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My mother told me my father was bald because he out rubber bands on his head for too long and cut off circulation to his scalp. I believed that for a bit.
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Jun 10, 2021 02:13
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I thought I could control the weather if I wished hard enough. Also, when I was 5 or 6 I left a small cup of water on the veranda. The next day, the water was gone! I was flabbergasted. I did it again and I saw a bee drinking from it. Scientific conclusion: small bodies of water disappear because bees drink it, and rivers, lakes and the ocean have too much water so the bees can't drink it all. I was a loving genius.
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Jun 10, 2021 02:43
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I briefly thought the Mute function on the TV paused the program. I was very sad when I got out of the shower and MacGuyver was actually over.
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Jun 10, 2021 02:45
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I thought turning off the TV would pause the show, and when I would come back hours later after going shopping and sitting in the car waiting for my mom to get done 'Running in and out" Tom and Jerry would still be on. Id spit on ants on the sidewalk, come back the next day and wonder where my spit and ant had gone off too. I'd sit for hours in the locker room at the ymca as a 10 year old waiting for the time i thought i could go swimming from the sign i read wrong. Like Public hours 10a-3p, Family hours 3p-8p or something, and Id wait from 1:30 till 3p id start swimming. If I wasnt allowed to go swimming, they would have told me no, its not swimming time. My brother thought a rhinoceros was a dinosaur.
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Jun 10, 2021 03:22
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I used to believe that pee was stored in the balls.
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Jun 10, 2021 04:20
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Prof. Crocodile posted:I used to believe that pee was stored in the balls. Last week was a hell of a time
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Jun 10, 2021 04:29
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I still believe it but I used to believe it as well. fake edit: all due respect to mister Hedberg
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Jun 10, 2021 04:31
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Our next door neighbor always had a shaved head. I asked him why he did that, he said it's because his hair is purple. Made sense to me... I would sneak study his stubble when present and never saw the purple, and figured it became more visible as it grew out.
Sir Nose fucked around with this message at 05:23 on Jun 10, 2021 |
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Jun 10, 2021 05:20
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My dad was an engineer and worked for two major firms in his career. When he went from the first to the second, I was convinced that his new office was in the laundry and hemming service building just because I liked their sign.
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Jun 10, 2021 05:36
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Defiance Industries posted:When I was about seven, my dad took me skiing. He pointed out one of the artificial snow machines that was running and I asked him how it could make snow if it wasn't cold enough for it to snow normally. He explained that the machine was using very finely sliced potatoes, and that there was a potato-melting chemical in them that would get rid of them in three days. Since I was a kid, I just nodded. I had seen what color potatoes were and they looked pretty white so it made sense they would blend in with snow. Lmao
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Jun 10, 2021 05:37
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My school mascot was the Bears. When I was in kindergarten the school wanted to let the students vote on a new design for the bear logo. They gave every kid in school a printout with a bunch of different dumb snarling bear faces to choose from. I took this to mean they were going to bring an actual ferocious live bear into the school and I expressed my concern about that to my teacher, who told my parents. They all agreed this was hilarious and adorable but I felt pretty stupid.
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Jun 10, 2021 06:14
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Knormal posted:I thought getting fired from a job meant they brought you before a firing squad. I overheard my mom on the phone saying my grandma got fired from her job. I imagined all of her coworkers picking her up and throwing her into a large fire
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Jun 10, 2021 06:44
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Festus The Fetus posted:I thought the D in Disney was a backwards G, probably in part do to my dyslexia. I always knew it was Disney, but I always have and will read it as "Gisnep"
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Jun 10, 2021 06:56
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Insects become aggressive or quick when you try to step on them. In the same vein, cars become mad when someone says 'step on it' as in 'step on the accelerator'. Fast cars are loud because they are ANGRY AS gently caress like some mechanical road wasp. Dead people are taken via hearse directly to the cemetery. The ambulance siren is to let everyone know someone died. B.J. Blazkowicz killed Hitler, and Wolfenstein 3d was an educational video game (all the other ones I played were). I knew about Nazis before I knew WW2 was a thing. Dot Matrix is the printer's name (I had an aunt named Dorothy, Dot for short). TheMostFrench fucked around with this message at 07:55 on Jun 10, 2021 |
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Jun 10, 2021 07:18
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Zero VGS posted:
 I hope no one personally fact-checked thatwhen i was a kid I thought condoms were just weird individually packaged balloons that adults kept in their bedrooms. I figured the balloons were boring colors because adults were boring
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Jun 10, 2021 07:52
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When I was very small, I wanted to be a fire engine when I grew up. Not a fireman, that was all climbing ladders and poo poo. I wanted to zoom around shouting 'nee-nah' all day, tho technically I could do that anyway.
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Jun 10, 2021 09:12
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Based on the combination of their texture and my mother making meatloaf for dinner every Friday, very young me assumed that my nuts were where my body would store excess meatloaf.
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Jun 10, 2021 10:06
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after a trip to the zoo when I was 5, I thought that elephants were the last living dinosaurs. I felt pretty smart explaining that to my mum
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Jun 10, 2021 10:19
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I have been informed by my parents that as a 3 year old, I thought it was very sensible that moms gave birth at a hospital. Not because they needed medical attention themselves, but because it was good to have qualified people assemble the baby from the parts.
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Jun 10, 2021 10:21
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