What the fuck happened in New Orleans?

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soupbone sal: Oct 29, 2016

Rape Stink posted:

all that poo poo sounds p normal for NO.

Don't you understand yet?? They want to flatten the wrinkles!!! She was toying with you all along!

# ? Nov 13, 2016 07:02

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# ? May 31, 2024 21:35

Told Two Times: Feb 13, 2014; by Smythe

Tolkien minority posted:

drat new orleans sounds dope i gotta visit

Dude I love new orleans.

# ? Nov 13, 2016 09:49

Told Two Times: Feb 13, 2014; by Smythe

Kawasaki Nun posted:

Laundromats don't have public bathrooms you loving liar

Umm the Arab dude in the gas station said bathroom next door
And behold! In the back was a pot to piss in!

# ? Nov 13, 2016 09:51

EVIL NOONER: Oct 8, 2016; by exmarx

why do you describe the race/ethnicity of all the people you encounter are you from some poo poo town thats 99% white people or something

# ? Nov 13, 2016 17:24

Told Two Times: Feb 13, 2014; by Smythe

EVIL NOONER posted:

why do you describe the race/ethnicity of all the people you encounter are you from some poo poo town thats 99% white people or something

Hey look this guy has never lived in the deep south.

# ? Nov 13, 2016 17:51

EVIL NOONER: Oct 8, 2016; by exmarx

Told Two Times posted:

Hey look this guy has never lived in the deep south.

is this supposed to insult me lol. i've lived a lot of places. i've never seen the value of describing people by what color their skin is.

# ? Nov 13, 2016 18:11

Nut to Butt: Apr 13, 2009; by FactsAreUseless

EVIL NOONER posted:

is this supposed to insult me lol. i've lived a lot of places. i've never seen the value of describing people by what color their skin is.

hold on, let me dig up my racial threat matrix

# ? Nov 13, 2016 19:13

Solice Kirsk: Jun 1, 2004; .

EVIL NOONER posted:

is this supposed to insult me lol. i've lived a lot of places. i've never seen the value of describing people by what color their skin is.

Then how would you know what they looked like? Its like leaving out the color of your car in a police report!

# ? Nov 13, 2016 19:23

EVIL NOONER: Oct 8, 2016; by exmarx

Solice Kirsk posted:

Then how would you know what they looked like? Its like leaving out the color of your car in a police report!

its in new orleans so i just assume they look downtrodden and have an innate distrust of levees

# ? Nov 13, 2016 19:27

vyst: Aug 25, 2009

Is this racist?

# ? Nov 13, 2016 19:30

Solice Kirsk: Jun 1, 2004; .

When ever I think of New Orleans I always imagine Coop's jambalaya and Cafe du Monde coffee and beignets.

# ? Nov 13, 2016 19:31

Dubplate Fire: Aug 1, 2010; bruvs be4 luvs

What mental illnesses does the op have?

# ? Nov 13, 2016 19:35

EVIL NOONER: Oct 8, 2016; by exmarx

Dubplate Fire posted:

What mental illnesses does the op have?

fecal postitis

his posts are brown

like poo poo

# ? Nov 13, 2016 19:36

ziasquinn: Jan 1, 2006; Fallen Rib

Tolkien minority posted:

You really think someone would do that? Just go on the Internet and tell lies?

This is the spiciest meme right now. Unironically

# ? Nov 13, 2016 19:39

drunk dog: Apr 6, 2014; Resident Millennial

Thanks for the headache op I didn't even finish that lovely story

# ? Nov 13, 2016 21:58

Ork of Fiction: Jul 22, 2013

EVIL NOONER posted:

is this supposed to insult me lol. i've lived a lot of places. i've never seen the value of describing people by what color their skin is.

Being able to ignore ppls skin color is unironically part of your privilege. On the corner of Rampart and Esplanade, that privilege ceases to exist and you may well get your rear end beat just for walking down the street. And that's on a good night.

# ? Nov 13, 2016 22:06

EVIL NOONER: Oct 8, 2016; by exmarx

Ork of Fiction posted:

Being able to ignore ppls skin color is unironically part of your privilege. On the corner of Rampart and Esplanade, that privilege ceases to exist and you may well get your rear end beat just for walking down the street. And that's on a good night.

wow are you loving dumb lol

in a place like NO, or, in terms of places i've resided, detroit, white people are the minority. so to say that somebody is black/arab/whatever is loving moot. everybody is black or arab.

when you see a white person in a poo poo neighborhood that would be more impressive

and in terms of the narrative of his story adding the persons skill color does nothing to improve it, it just makes him sound like a 70 year old

(USER WAS BANNED FOR THIS POST)

EVIL NOONER fucked around with this message at 22:10 on Nov 13, 2016

# ? Nov 13, 2016 22:08

Macasaurus: Oct 12, 2012

EVIL NOONER posted:

wow are you loving dumb lol

in a place like NO, or, in terms of places i've resided, detroit, white people are the minority. so to say that somebody is black/arab/whatever is loving moot. everybody is black or arab.

when you see a white person in a poo poo neighborhood that would be more impressive

and in terms of the narrative of his story adding the persons skill color does nothing to improve it, it just makes him sound like a 70 year old

(USER WAS BANNED FOR THIS POST)

another *********** parachute gone

# ? Nov 13, 2016 22:15

ass: Sep 22, 2011; Young Orc

EVIL NOONER posted:

wow are you loving dumb lol

in a place like NO, or, in terms of places i've resided, detroit, white people are the minority. so to say that somebody is black/arab/whatever is loving moot. everybody is black or arab.

when you see a white person in a poo poo neighborhood that would be more impressive

and in terms of the narrative of his story adding the persons skill color does nothing to improve it, it just makes him sound like a 70 year old

(USER WAS BANNED FOR THIS POST)

lol whose parachute was this

# ? Nov 13, 2016 22:37

Blue Train: Jun 17, 2012

I dunno but they weren't funny so good riddance

# ? Nov 13, 2016 22:39

putin is a cunt: Apr 5, 2007; BOY DO I SURE ENJOY TRASH. THERE'S NOTHING MORE I LOVE THAN TO SIT DOWN IN FRONT OF THE BIG SCREEN AND EAT A BIIIIG STEAMY BOWL OF SHIT. WARNER BROS CAN COME OVER TO MY HOUSE AND ASSFUCK MY MOM WHILE I WATCH AND I WOULD CERTIFY IT FRESH, NO QUESTION

Dubplate Fire posted:

What mental illnesses does the op have?

No idea but you should see his meltdown in the Obama pics thread.

# ? Nov 13, 2016 22:40

Cactus Ghost: Dec 20, 2003; you can actually inflate your scrote pretty safely with sterile saline, syringes, needles, and aseptic technique. its a niche kink iirc

the saline just slowly gets absorbed into your blood but in the meantime you got a big round smooth distended nutsack

Quick Draw McGraw posted:

Ha yeah I read Chris Kyle's book too

# ? Nov 13, 2016 22:49

literally a hog: Jan 5, 2006; Mandarrrrrk! Bring me the head of Dexter and Dee Dee shall forever be yours!

rear end posted:

lol whose parachute was this

According to the leper's colony it was Conquistador.

http://forums.somethingawful.com/banlist.php?userid=33348

# ? Nov 13, 2016 22:52

ass: Sep 22, 2011; Young Orc

literally a hog posted:

According to the leper's colony it was Conquistador.

http://forums.somethingawful.com/banlist.php?userid=33348

You did the math for everybody's benefit. Thank you :tipshat:

# ? Nov 13, 2016 22:55

Smash it Smash hit: Dec 30, 2009; prettay, prettay

lol loving knew it

# ? Nov 14, 2016 00:09

let it mellow: Jun 1, 2000; Dinosaur Gum

what the gently caress happened was a blocked extra point return d for two points and it fuckin owned

# ? Nov 14, 2016 00:10

tenspott: Aug 1, 2002; by FactsAreUseless

You laugh at me because I'm different. I laugh at you because you're all the same.

# ? Nov 14, 2016 00:20

Psycho Society: Oct 21, 2010

I'm not sure why evil nooner was banned, he seemed like an alright dude.

# ? Nov 14, 2016 00:32

ziasquinn: Jan 1, 2006; Fallen Rib

Oh so that's what happened to fetus tree

# ? Nov 14, 2016 00:35

SIDS Vicious: Jan 1, 1970

Vastarien posted:

You were born a mistake into a middle-class family that thought they were a high-class family. Your life was fine until your rear end in a top hat parents divorced. Before that it was bike rides, baseball, swimming, and Nintendo. But after the divorce, your Nike Airs walked astray. You blamed yourself at first for your parents’ split, but then you learned to blame them instead, whom you would blame everything on forevermore. As a teenager, you felt your problems at home licensed you to rebel. You partied hard and lived for the weekends. You felt obligated to lose your virginity and you did as soon as someone would help you to do so. You did just well enough in school to get by, saying that you were smart but just didn’t apply yourself. You left home as soon as possible to go to college. You joined a frat. You let females control your destiny. You accidentally got a girl pregnant and felt obligated to marry her. You wanted a boy. You got a job that you hate but it pays the bills as you like to say. Your wife appears not as pretty as she was when you impregnated her, and your eyes are starting to wander. You and your wife consider yourselves better than your neighbors. You are depressed. You smoke weed to help you not be. You work out. You go to a tanning bed. You worry about your hair.

After a lengthy pause, alpha-male says, "Shut up. You don’t know me…I’m not depressed."

You will be. It is bound to happen sometime between your divorce from your cheating wife and when your kids put you in a nursing home.

"That’s it, man. Are you done, or am I gonna have to kick your rear end?"

I throw one more card on the table, the one that says "EMPTY THREAT OF VIOLENCE—A FINAL RESORT." My cards never fail. I’ve got everything from "TOO MUCH INFORMATION" to "I NEED CLOSURE" to "I ALREADY HAVE A BOYFRIEND" to "BAD HAIR DAY?"

I am done. I am sorry for confronting you like I have in front of your peers, some of whom are secretly gay.

At this, the rear end in a top hat’s friends look at each other nervously.

I know how much respect means to you, and I respectfully ask that you refrain from mistreating my friends and me.

"Whatever, dude."

I return to my table. I don’t like doing things like I just did, but the humanoids make it so easy for me, and the fact that they make it so easy for me is why I do it in the first place. I can predict the prettyboy just like I can predict that the guy wearing a bow-tie will be a smart-rear end, that the traveling children’s storyteller will be annoyingly eccentric, that the English teacher will love Garrison Keillor, that the bartender will be exceedingly confident.

"Why do you always have to make a scene like that?" asks Aurora.

You were the one complaining about them staring at us. Are they staring at us now?

The man’s friends are comforting him, patting him on the shoulder.

Then a contagiously funky reggae song comes on. My dining companions and I spontaneously arise and dance in the middle of the restaurant, except for Aurora who just rolls back and forth. We dance like protozoa, squirming unattached, our bodies moving like they don’t even know it. Music, music. Muse, sick muse. The sick muse we will follow to a timeshare on the moon.

I approach my victim, the professional humanoid.

Come on, dude! No hard feelings, right!? Would you like to dance?

"Oh, shut the gently caress up."

I smile, laugh, and proceed with the dancing. I dance as hard as I can since I know that any moment now, someone will tell us to stop and sit down, or more specifically, someone will tell us, "I’m going to have to ask you to stop and sit down."

same

# ? Nov 14, 2016 01:09

Smash it Smash hit: Dec 30, 2009; prettay, prettay

Ranma Fan Art posted:

same

I read this post.

# ? Nov 14, 2016 01:12

Snooze Cruise: Feb 16, 2013; hey look,
a post

Nooners are suddenly an endangered species. There goes global warming again.

# ? Nov 14, 2016 01:34

Acres of Quakers: May 6, 2006

vyst posted:

Is this racist?

No. Didn't you see how he described the fine lady he made sweet love to? Would a racist put a fake sexual encounter with a black women in their story? I think not!

# ? Nov 14, 2016 03:01

GREAT SATAN: Aug 1, 2014; by Fluffdaddy

contrary to popular opinion, OP's story was both good and true. I'm glad I gtfo of that hell hole called southern lousiana. As a cajun I say gently caress "nola culture." it's been dead for at least 20 years now and all the cajuns and creoles who actually have a connection to the culture are dead or retired (ie even if you're a "native son" to the region 99.9999% chance you don't speak cajun/creole, you've never trapped or trawled a day of your life, and you have no idea how to make good food anyway). so gently caress it.

controversial opinion, california has the best food in the states. best seafood, best bbq, best thai, you name it. best everything.

# ? Nov 14, 2016 03:34

Smash it Smash hit: Dec 30, 2009; prettay, prettay

GREAT SATAN posted:

contrary to popular opinion, OP's story was both good and true. I'm glad I gtfo of that hell hole called southern lousiana. As a cajun I say gently caress "nola culture." it's been dead for at least 20 years now and all the cajuns and creoles who actually have a connection to the culture are dead or retired (ie even if you're a "native son" to the region 99.9999% chance you don't speak cajun/creole, you've never trapped or trawled a day of your life, and you have no idea how to make good food anyway). so gently caress it.

controversial opinion, california has the best food in the states. best seafood, best bbq, best thai, you name it. best everything.

Book marking to read this sometime

# ? Nov 14, 2016 04:29

Genderfluent: Jul 15, 2015

Told Two Times posted:

I run it too. Then the truck and some other guy proceed to block both lanes of traffic at the light on purpose. I say oh ok. I position myself sideways and gun it across a parking lot on the left swing around a u turn around 45 mph. I remember changing the song hitting the automatic Window and turning the volume all the way up and getting crunk.

I look down and see 80mph and the entire neighborhood shits their pants at the same time. I was going too fast to see people. Every single car immediately floored it in terror. I do my escape block routine round two blocks and go right out the way you came and the loving road is just full of cars flipping the gently caress out.

Apparently im in a riot zone. I see gently caress trump spray painted everywhere like it had just happened. As i enjoyed the gently caress out of my city slicking I notice the destruction is all over and i just missed the good part.

Like wtf?? How you gonna block an exit to a riot zone with a goddamn train and then everyone starts pulling guns and going apeshit. Like seriously? I've never gone to a ghetto that you literally couldn't go to.

They're saying the riots are all over the country. What the gently caress is going on in New Orleans tho? The city was loving crazy. How bad are the riots?

I drove around until i found some woman as bewildered as I was. The cops were loving with EVERYONE apparently. We agreed the best course of action would be to get a hotel room together and cuddle and gently caress all night til dawn. Beautiful Creole black woman.

Best sex I ever had.

But seriously. Why did all those black people try to kill me simply because of my skin color?

I deleted my Facebook, said goodbye to my cat, and dropped 6 hits of Acid. Took my father�s corvette for a nice joyride on I40 from Albuquerque, NM all the way to Cali. Started to trip hard as balls in AZ. Just loving flying, only stopped for food and piss breaks. The mountains were just sparkleing, I was just like, it finally hit me, that Life is just this wild ride and you can really do whatever you want. Ran out of gas outside of Needles tho cuz I thought the maxed out speedometer was the gas level, rofl. Called my parents crying and apologizing still triping a little bit and they drove out to get me . Came home and there was a brand new limited edition GeForce Titan with DualMaXX+ 120mm fans and a sick 8 core i7, was so stoked I didnt even notice the Asus mobo. Had the most insane flashback and just ran FarCry 3 sliders all the way right, ultra across the board, and just thought, dthis is better than life.,

# ? Nov 14, 2016 04:48

Told Two Times: Feb 13, 2014; by Smythe

Ok I figured it out. Got bit by some red spider when I was digging a trench. Went back and investigated til i found one. Took a good look at it and then flipped out and killed it. I'm from louisana so why is a red and black spider from Australia biting my arm and making me go snakeshit crazy?

I had to dig that poo poo out and cautrtize it in a traffic jam in New Orleans. poo poo fucks with your brain. Neurotoxin.

Is it a known fact that those spiders have been introduced? Is there some kind of authority I should report it to?

Maaaan I was wondering around a riot zone asking people for needles to lance my spider bite. The fact I was in a riot zone didn't even occur to me until after i already left town. What a loving trip that was cooler than any drug I ever did when I was young.

# ? Nov 15, 2016 12:27