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A week and a half ago my neighbor and I were chatting while I was grabbing my laundry, when we heard a gunshot. Turns out some crazy fucker threw a hatchet at a cop. Literally happened less than a hundred feet from the laundry room. Also my dog has peed on the stop sign in the linked photo numerous times - and the sign at the top says "Designated Fight Back Area."  Seriously gently caress this neighborhood - 3 weeks before this happened my neighbor was shot 4 times in the torso, about 50 feet from my window. At least he lived...
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Dec 18, 2013 03:58
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I was riding my motorcycle down a stretch of back roads between two country towns, beneath a canopy of trees lining either side. There was a lot of pink and grey galahs and 28s (Australian Ringneck) parrots swooping around, but the bikes in front of me had mostly scared all the rest of them away. However, there were 2 that somehow didn't quite notice the first 20 odd motorcycles and made the fateful decision to swoop across the road into the path of my motorcycle going 120km/h odd, and I hit one with my front fender. I didn't stop until we got into the next town because I wasn't super keen on pulling a dead fluoro green bird out of my radiator, but luckily it wasn't there when I checked for it. The person riding a few bikes behind me said it kinda bounced off and rolled to a stop on the edge of the road and didn't move.
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Dec 18, 2013 06:05
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A guy I haven't spoken to since high school called me today and wanted me to be executive producer on his webshow about reddit news. I tried to let him down easy and now I'm just a consultant. Ughh.
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Dec 19, 2013 23:26
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I briefly forgot the word "antisemitic" and my brain helpfully supplied "jewmophobic".
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Dec 20, 2013 12:51
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Bertrand Hustle posted:I briefly forgot the word "antisemitic" and my brain helpfully supplied "jewmophobic". "Oh, before I forget, we need bird... balls. Bird juice balls. For the cake."
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Dec 20, 2013 14:05
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Cubone posted:We could probably have a thread just for these. "The next potluck should just be pizza and cookies. I can eat pizza and pussy for days... gently caress."
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Dec 20, 2013 16:09
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I couldn't remember a word today, and struggled through with "you know, the word for being able to come up with something off of the top of your head, or being able to adapt to a situation ... dammit there's a word for this, what is it?" Turns out I'm not very good at improvising.
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Dec 20, 2013 19:05
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As much as it will sound like STDH, I tend to have most trouble with basic words. Like "drink" or "car". "Just look for my... ugh... drivey thing. You know. With the wheels."
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Dec 21, 2013 14:07
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The other day an older customer who has a reputation for poo poo like wetting herself in our chairs or pulling through the drive up without pants on called lesbians trashy.
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Dec 21, 2013 18:21
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Today I swung by Gamestop to get my sister a Christmas present. While waiting in line, a neckbeard wearing a pony t-shirt who couldn't have been under 400 lbs there with his twenty-something buddy who still sported a twelve-year-old's wispstache queued up behind me. One of those Gamestop ads came on in which they got a testimonial from some guy with a stiff beard stretching down to his gut and the neckbeard bellowed, for everyone to hear, "IT'S MY DREAM TO HAVE A BEARD LIKE THAT" The rest of the customers shuffled awkwardly for a second before going back to their shopping, and then he continued to babble on to his friend about how he hopes he doesn't have a roommate this semester because the last one kept teasing him about jerking it to cartoon ponies.
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Dec 22, 2013 02:07
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Went to a silk-screening demo yesterday. Think the guy was blazed while doing the demo, but that's cool. Got a free t-shirt out of the deal, which I silk-screened myself. I had a decent time, but don't tell my wife, since I didn't want to go in the first place and was pretty ticked off about the whole thing at first.
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Dec 22, 2013 14:22
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90% sure I saw a person with progeria walking out of a record store. I live in a town with one record store, and they only sell actual vinyl. The person wore a jaunty hat, kind of a beret. Good call as it really drew the eye.
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Dec 23, 2013 04:32
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As a kid I used to buy my mom cheap earrings for Christmas. She never had her ears pierced. But she did discreetly take them to her ear to show me how much he appreciated the gift.
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Dec 23, 2013 09:42
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I was filling out some paperwork and talking to one of my new co-workers who's from somewhere in the middle east, and this conversation happened: Lady: "Hey, Baldbeard, are you from here?" Me: "Yes I was born here." Lady: "You remind me of the men from my country!"  Me: "Oh yeah? Heh, thanks I guess." Lady: "Yes!.......They also don't look at women when they address them." Me:  I really was doing paperwork though! I don't know why she was so happy about it either.
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Dec 28, 2013 23:25
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i was at a party and there were a couple people in this hot girls room so I walked in and tried to say something like 'i wanted to come inside your room' instead, i said 'i wanted to come inside you...' and then trailed off as my brain just shut down mid sentence so i turned around and walked out. hella embarrassing
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Dec 29, 2013 03:07
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Last year I was in a hockey game and out of nowhere Jeremy Clarkson walked past me. I had no idea that he was visiting Finland so it was very surprising.
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Jan 5, 2014 03:11
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I was waiting at a stoplight at 2:00 in the morning when I heard this horrible grinding noise that kept getting louder and louder. Couldn't figure out where the sound was originating from. Suddenly, a burgundy Ford Mustang flies past me and runs the light. Sparks are shooting out from the passenger side where the car's tires were supposed to be. 4 or 5 police cars speed past me and also run the light. I witnessed a high speed chase first hand! I read in the paper the next day that it was apparently a stolen vehicle. But it never got retrieved because the police managed to lose track of the perpetrator and the car. 
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Jan 5, 2014 03:49
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A sorta friend I only know online tried to confide in me today before he went back to college in the UK from Spain and would be without internet. He started up with the most STDH story about how his father was an abusive sociopath who lied about and stole money from his mother after their divorce, took his sister to live with him, and how one night he herd a noise upstairs and went to check on it only to find his father there beating his mother with a pipe. It literally included the lines "so I grabbed one of my fake katanas" and "I thought I was going to die...but I grabbed his weapon". After that little buildup it kinda trailed out into his dad running when he called the cops, the father calling him to say he was committing suicide and he should come get his sister, them finding a Bloody, rusty knife in his apartment, and that later in the hospital the police had found him in the river with his wrists slit. All in all 6/10 Would read on tumblr, right? I do some very light googling, and I turn up with http://www.euroweeklynews.com/news/costa-del-sol/item/115164-man-who-allegedly-attempted-to-kill-wife-found-dead-beneath-a-viaduct-in-jaen Also STH, I kinda feel like an rear end in a top hat today
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Jan 5, 2014 04:45
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My dad once referred to Mortal Kombat as "Fake poo poo" before calling me the N-word
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Jan 5, 2014 05:34
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There's a homeless guy living underneath my house and today my boyfriend helped him shave his back when he asked. I'm not sure why he agreed to such a thing.
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Jan 5, 2014 13:55
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skip. posted:There's a homeless guy living underneath my house and today my boyfriend helped him shave his back when he asked. Because he's a nice guy. 
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Jan 5, 2014 14:38
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Assoonasitits posted:As much as it will sound like STDH, I tend to have most trouble with basic words. Like "drink" or "car". "Just look for my... ugh... drivey thing. You know. With the wheels." One night, after hours of homework & regular work, I couldn't remember the name of those round things that you eat off of. Later, when repeating the story to a friend, she said, "I know the things you mean. In our house, they're made out of paper."
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Jan 5, 2014 15:33
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Khazar-khum posted:One night, after hours of homework & regular work, I couldn't remember the name of those round things that you eat off of. I once couldn't think of the word "the". I'm not sure if it was a mini-stroke or what, but I was talking to someone and I said, "Meet me by....." And they said, "the car?" I played it off like I couldn't think of the word 'car', but really it was much worse.
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Jan 5, 2014 17:05
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I just sneezed like four consecutive times.
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Jan 5, 2014 17:29
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I just had two wisdom teeth extracted and the dentist told me that my other two were fine, but now one of them is only half a tooth really. This was four days ago that I was told it was fine.
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Jan 5, 2014 17:51
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Drad_Bert posted:My dad once referred to Mortal Kombat as "Fake poo poo" before calling me the N-word Cool dad.
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Jan 5, 2014 21:41
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I missed an international flight and it ended up costing me $3300 to get back home 
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Jan 6, 2014 00:15
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Me and one of my roommates have been friends for over 15 years and often do goofy poo poo like for example jumping into each others bedrooms and trying to start a fight (while talking like a WWE wrestler). Well last night I saw the light on in his bedroom and his door open, so I jumped around the corner into his room, swinging my arms around like a madmen and said, "Time to die bitch!" Except he wasn't in the bedroom. His girlfriend was. I didn't notice her come in apparently. Yeah, I'm not sure who was more horrified
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Jan 8, 2014 01:14
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I had way too much loving salt yesterday without even realizing it, went to sleep and promptly woke up two hours later feeling awful and incredibly thirsty. God that sucks. I've been feeling ill, tired and put off by food all day today. This is the second time it's happened, too. Ugh. Ugh!
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Jan 8, 2014 02:52
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I got a new paper shredder about an hour and 15 minutes ago and the bin is already half full. I feel like the whitest man alive right now but this is so much fun.
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Jan 8, 2014 02:55
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Dr. Witherbone posted:I had way too much loving salt yesterday without even realizing it, went to sleep and promptly woke up two hours later feeling awful and incredibly thirsty. God that sucks. I've been feeling ill, tired and put off by food all day today. We had an open campus lunch when I was in high school. I really liked music, so instead of spending my allowance/paychecks once 15 on food, I'd go with my friends to Burger King and eat a bunch of salt packets. That way I could spend my money on CDs. Now I have awful blood pressure, and due to technological developments over the past ~18 years, those hundreds of CDs are worth next to nothing.
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Jan 8, 2014 03:19
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Kaizoku posted:We had an open campus lunch when I was in high school. I really liked music, so instead of spending my allowance/paychecks once 15 on food, I'd go with my friends to Burger King and eat a bunch of salt packets. That way I could spend my money on CDs. "I guess he really loved CDs and also salt" will be your epitaph. All university and college classes in my city were cancelled yesterday due to obscenely cold weather.
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Jan 8, 2014 18:30
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Kaizoku posted:We had an open campus lunch when I was in high school. I really liked music, so instead of spending my allowance/paychecks once 15 on food, I'd go with my friends to Burger King and eat a bunch of salt packets. That way I could spend my money on CDs. Were they good CDs atleast? I still keep a few HS favorites in the car for long rides.
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Jan 8, 2014 22:07
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Epic Hamcat posted:Were they good CDs atleast? I still keep a few HS favorites in the car for long rides. Some are good, most are bad. A good amount of punk and metal stuff that you think is cool when you don't really know what good examples of the genre are. I really liked singer/songwriter stuff, so I have a lot of stuff in that aspect that I still listen to. I blame the Reality Bites soundtrack for getting me hooked on that stuff.
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Jan 9, 2014 05:37
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Dr. Witherbone posted:I had way too much loving salt yesterday without even realizing it, went to sleep and promptly woke up two hours later feeling awful and incredibly thirsty. God that sucks. I've been feeling ill, tired and put off by food all day today. I ate a bag of popcorn for the first time in a while yesterday, and there was some bits of popcorn and whatever at the bottom of the bag, so I dumped what was left in my hand and shoveled it in my mouth, but forgot that I added a bunch of salt to the bag, so I was stuck with a tablespoon or so of salt in my mouth. I tried to somehow spit out just the salt and save the popcorn, but it didn't really work so I just ate most of it. I managed to kinda open my mouth just a bit and spit/blow to get rid of a bunch of the salt, but it was a lost cause.
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Jan 9, 2014 10:19
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Pneub posted:I ate a bag of popcorn for the first time in a while yesterday, and there was some bits of popcorn and whatever at the bottom of the bag, so I dumped what was left in my hand and shoveled it in my mouth, but forgot that I added a bunch of salt to the bag, so I was stuck with a tablespoon or so of salt in my mouth. I tried to somehow spit out just the salt and save the popcorn, but it didn't really work so I just ate most of it. I managed to kinda open my mouth just a bit and spit/blow to get rid of a bunch of the salt, but it was a lost cause. Hahah, that's a lot of effort just for some popcorn crumbs. Although they are the best part.
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Jan 9, 2014 15:16
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Lost my job last week, now my days have no shape to them. I stay up too late, wake up whenever, and have to come up with stuff to do to kill time. Last time I was unemployed it took me like 3 months to find a job and I'm pretty sure I was losing my mind by the end of it. Theres only so many job applications you can fill out in a day in rural New Hampshire and one of these days I'm gonna stay up all night by accident and fall asleep during the day and forget what day it is before forgetting about the entire concept of "time".
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Jan 13, 2014 07:46
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A Moose posted:Lost my job last week, now my days have no shape to them. I stay up too late, wake up whenever, and have to come up with stuff to do to kill time. Last time I was unemployed it took me like 3 months to find a job and I'm pretty sure I was losing my mind by the end of it. Theres only so many job applications you can fill out in a day in rural New Hampshire and one of these days I'm gonna stay up all night by accident and fall asleep during the day and forget what day it is before forgetting about the entire concept of "time". I did a bunch of shrooms one time and the concept of time made no sense to me. That was before I accepted death and the whole world moving into a singularity. Two weeks later I had an issue with being able to determine what had happened in which previous day. On Thursday, Monday through Wednesday were just a constant with no separation gap of sleep.
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Jan 17, 2014 18:00
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I'm having my ceiling finished in my basement (it was like 80% done -walls and poo poo- when I bought the place), and apparently drywall taping/mudding is loving louder than the guy who was here boarding it up yesterday. Seriously what the gently caress are they banging on?
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Jan 17, 2014 21:01
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Grraarrgghh posted:I'm having my ceiling finished in my basement (it was like 80% done -walls and poo poo- when I bought the place), and apparently drywall taping/mudding is loving louder than the guy who was here boarding it up yesterday. Is your mom down there?
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Jan 17, 2014 21:07
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