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I was at a party, telling a guy about the head of department at the film school I went to. The guy I was talking to sometimes uses the phrase "good times" to say something is cool or awesome. Me: "He either wrote or ran show on a ton of 80s sitcoms." Him: "That must be pretty cool to know a guy like that. What did he work on?" Me: "Stuff like Golden Girls, Maude, The Jeffersons, Three's Company..." Him: "Ah, that's pretty sweet, good times." Me: "He also wrote for Good Times, actually." 
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Feb 23, 2014 04:08
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| # ? Jun 8, 2024 21:50 |
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Some old lady customer came in and proceeded to remark "Look at the pretty blue eyed ginga-boy. Heeeello ginga-boy!" Great, now my coworkers, girlfriend, and all her friends refer to me as Ginga-boy. I'm barely ginger. I have red hair, not crazy light skin, and no visible freckles. God drat old ladies.
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Feb 26, 2014 22:27
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I Mr. Belvedere'd. (Doug Benson, the comedian, was once roommates with one of the co-stars on the Mr. Belvedere show. Once the roommate came home early from a table read. The actor who played Mr. Belvedere had come in, sat down, and made a shocked groaning noise. He had sat on his balls.)
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Feb 28, 2014 07:53
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There was a giant, fresh vomit stain on the carpet at work today, had to be at least 2 feet in diameter. We've had norovirus going around, and it was quite impressive.
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Mar 8, 2014 08:19
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I had a dream last night that I was watching an episode of Scrubs that featured all the characters vomiting profusely. I covered my eyes, but I could still see the bottom of the TV screen where the puke was piling up. I then dreamt that someone in the next room was having overly loud sex, but you could only hear the guy's voice and at the end of it he said sort of non-chalantly "Oh, I think she's dead." I should probably not drink gin anymore.
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Mar 8, 2014 21:52
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Walking to a restaurant last night, there was a puddle of puke outside the Apple store. A father says to his children as they nearly step into said puddle, "Watch out! Hm, looks like rice. I guess they had sushi."
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Mar 8, 2014 23:44
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nocal posted:Walking to a restaurant last night, there was a puddle of puke outside the Apple store. A father says to his children as they nearly step into said puddle, "Watch out! Hm, looks like rice. I guess they had sushi." This sounds exactly like what our family would say.
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Mar 9, 2014 00:55
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Two young-ish guys out walking early Saturday night: "Then it was her 19th birthday, and I was like, yeah! Let's go to Canada!" The tone of voice implied that he was not joking.
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Mar 9, 2014 04:26
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nocal posted:Two young-ish guys out walking early Saturday night: "Then it was her 19th birthday, and I was like, yeah! Let's go to Canada!" The tone of voice implied that he was not joking. Probably because 19 year olds can drink legally in Canada. I went to college in Ohio and it was pretty much the standard to go to Canada for drinking trips.
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Mar 9, 2014 06:18
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Ishamael posted:Probably because 19 year olds can drink legally in Canada. I went to college in Ohio and it was pretty much the standard to go to Canada for drinking trips. Really? I live in the part of Ohio closest to Canada and it still seems like an awfully far way to go when having 21 year olds buy you beer is an option.
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Mar 9, 2014 06:39
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ThatPazuzu posted:Really? I live in the part of Ohio closest to Canada and it still seems like an awfully far way to go when having 21 year olds buy you beer is an option. It's fun to drink legally in bars though. We used to drive up from Massachusetts on long weekends. Also poutine.
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Mar 10, 2014 01:31
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My family is very racist and my uncle, in Year of our Lord 2014, still thinks that black people aren't human. They have purple blood, extra tendons in their legs to run better, and extra "throat tubes" to sing. They are cartoonishly racist.
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Mar 11, 2014 00:01
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ThatPazuzu posted:My family is very racist and my uncle, in Year of our Lord 2014, still thinks that black people aren't human. They have purple blood, extra tendons in their legs to run better, and extra "throat tubes" to sing. The D&D nerd in me wishes this was true. And like the French had gills and lived underwater and maybe the Mexicans could see in the dark and talk to birds or something.
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Mar 11, 2014 00:19
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Back when I was 16 I used to chat on aol with this older girl who would dirty chat with me. We talked of meeting a couple times and she told me her friend, a guy, wanted to meet up at the same time too. She asked if it would be okay if "my friend warmed you up before we mess around". I'm now 28 and when randomly thinking back on this I realized that I was most likely never talking to a girl, just some guy dude prying on my supple teen body.
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Mar 12, 2014 19:03
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Walking to get coffee early Saturday morning. A middle-aged white homeless guy on a bench is sitting up, seemingly alert. He says very loudly, "Yep, yep, yepyepyep. Niggas. Niggas, niggas. There ain't no niggas here!" nocal has a new favorite as of 05:55 on Mar 23, 2014 |
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Mar 22, 2014 18:03
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Was riding the subway when I saw a fat goony ginger guy combing his pubetastic neckbeard while staring at his reflection and muttering. He intermittently stopped to stick the comb in his mouth to taste it??? loving mesmerizing and repulsive.
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Mar 22, 2014 22:38
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Rare Collectable posted:He intermittently stopped to stick the comb in his mouth to taste it??? loving mesmerizing and repulsive. Roald Dahl posted:Things cling to hairs, especially food. Things like gravy go right in among the hairs and stay there. You and I can wipe our smooth faces with a washcloth and we quickly look more or less all right again, but the hairy man cannot do that.
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Mar 23, 2014 00:47
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ThatPazuzu posted:My family is very racist and my uncle, in Year of our Lord 2014, still thinks that black people aren't human. They have purple blood, extra tendons in their legs to run better, and extra "throat tubes" to sing.
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Mar 23, 2014 01:21
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Aspergers sufferer in a Mexican restaurant. His (loud) half of a phone conversation: "Hello. You're on hold? [incredulously] On a Saturday night? With who? Fine, bye."
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Mar 23, 2014 05:57
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In my 6th grade math class, we spent some time going over the concept of personal finance and budgeting. The teacher went on a tangent about how different families might have different budgets for different things and went out of his way to say that "Emily's family probably spends a lot of money on food, because, you know, they eat a lot." Emily was a little bit pudgy and came from a "large" family but she was well-liked and quite popular, and even then, at age 11, I thought to myself WOW, he should NOT be saying that. Emily later became anorexic and was found dead in her apartment from dehydration and malnutrition. The last time I saw her, seven years or so after high school graduation, she had lost so much weight that I almost didn't recognize her. The teacher was later arrested for indecent exposure after being seen masturbating in a public park wearing nothing but a pair of pink panties. His statement to police was "I can't explain it, I'm just horny." He's now "retired" from teaching and works as a cashier at a package store (liquor store for those not from the northeast United States.) He was my coach when I ran cross country in middle school. He recognizes me and I talk music with him whenever I run into him because we're both Little Feat fans and my cousin was their guitar tech/sound guy for a long time and has done some collaborative work with one of the members, but it's always horribly awkward.
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Mar 23, 2014 16:55
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A homeless dude on the main street in town has a towering cart of poo poo. He's putting down some blanket on the sidewalk. He's wearing backwards suit pants, and when he bends over you can see that the fly is down. He basically has a peekaboo asscrack thing going on.
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Mar 30, 2014 21:34
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I was walking the dog a few days ago and walked past an old woman, protectively holding a copy of Spyro the Dragon for PS2 and stroking it lovingly. I was so confused that I actually stopped, turned around and looked again to make sure it had just happened. It had.
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Mar 30, 2014 23:25
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I got chased by an alligator once, I was on a trail at a natural park and heard a weird super thick hissing sound and looked over and saw a motherfucking alligator sitting there with its mouth open making this crazy sound. Idk what it's problem was but I think it might have been a mother protecting eggs. It wasn't very big an alligator but it really doesn't loving matter. I ran for my life, looked back and it was gone. Not cool at all Mother Nature.
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Apr 27, 2014 09:37
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Quit being a loving pussy, dog. That poo poo happens.
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Apr 27, 2014 10:48
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Some poo poo that happened for a dead thread: Today during my shift at a copy shop, I had two separate customers ask if I could "un-laminate" something. One time while having sex with my wife, my brother knocked on the door & started talking about anime.
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May 26, 2014 01:44
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I have a few things that happened. I was lying on the floor, rolling around with my border collie. He's kind of weird, because he always lays on the floor against the wall, and sometimes pushes himself off the wall and slides across the wood floors when he's called. I tried to imitate him and put a foot-sized hole in my wall and I don't know how much it's gonna cost to fix. I lost my Ray Bans in a grocery store and no one turned them in. I'm from Texas and I shared a recipe for how I get good steak, instead of guarding some 'family recipe' that's always like, one extra ingredient or some dumb step that chefs do automatically but home cooks don't know. Try letting your steak sit after cooking, before eating, for like 5-10 minutes. I am a veteran and I didn't go on Facebook trying to guilt people about Memorial Day; I don't even know anyone personally who died in a war, and none of my military friends nor I even do anything combat related, so I also saw a lot of posturing from military IT dudes.
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May 28, 2014 02:37
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I had to have x-rays at the dentist. The assistants argued over who would watch my service dog.
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May 29, 2014 09:14
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Trains ran late today, me and a bunch of other people complained a lot but we eventually got where we were going 30 minutes later.
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May 29, 2014 15:05
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Khazar-khum posted:I had to have x-rays at the dentist. The assistants argued over who would watch my service dog.
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May 29, 2014 15:57
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I'm finishing my master's thesis on the last possible day, I'm incredibly tired because I've been sick for two weeks and can't get any sleep, I've had way too much caffeine for the past few days trying to combat that and I'm starting to feel terrible, and now I'm getting the weirdest déjà vus from random poo poo I'm reading online thinking I've read all this before (including things like today's news) and it's kind of freaking me out. Also I hurt my ankle earlier today when I turned around in the middle of going up the stairs that are in the middle of my 24 m2 studio apartment and somehow twisted it too much coming down. At least it isn't sprained.
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May 29, 2014 18:33
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This poo poo happened. Again. Some idiot left their dog locked in the car in triple digit temps in Phoenix while they went shopping. Why does this seem to happen like every loving month in Phoenix. I want to grab this stupid oval office by the loving throat and scream, "like eight goddamn months out of the year here it's too hot to leave your pet in the car during the day, especially when it's ONE HUNDRED AND TEN loving DEGREES YOU MORONIC SACK OF poo poo!!!" And then I'd turn to her kids and say, "your mother is an irresponsible dipshit, make sure this doesn't happen to YOU next time." Seriously, it was the lead story on the news all day yesterday that we were going to be near record temps today. For Phoenix loving Arizona in June. And it's not like it should be a surprise to this daft bitch - we've been in the triple digits for almost a good week. To be honest, with this happening two miles from my apartment, I can say with good authority that this area is rife with stupid shitheads. This is the same mall where some genius recently shot himself in the leg in the Wal-Mart checkout line. I can't wait to move the gently caress out of this area.
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Jun 3, 2014 06:38
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Farmdizzle posted:This poo poo happened. Again. I know of a kid with special needs. Grandma tells me that mom (who obvi no longer has custody) left her and her sister in the car while she went shopping. I believe they would have been approximately 6 and 2 years old.
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Jun 3, 2014 07:10
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Cage posted:They argued because they both wanted to watch him, right? Im hardly ever around dogs, that would probably be the high point of my day. Yes. They all wanted to keep her company. When I go in, everyone says "Hi Mia!" to her. They never remember my name.
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Jun 3, 2014 07:16
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nocal posted:I know of a kid with special needs. Grandma tells me that mom (who obvi no longer has custody) left her and her sister in the car while she went shopping. I believe they would have been approximately 6 and 2 years old. Ugh  Full disclosure about this next story: I'm living with my Mother as a roommate/ live-in uncle for my sister's child while my sister deals with some of her own "indiscretions." But nothing she's done is nearly as godawful as this: About 8 or so months ago, our downstairs neighbor's kid (who's Mom has since been evicted) knocked on our door asking if he could come in to our apartment and have some food. So, red flag from the get-go. We told him that he should ask his Mom first and make sure it's OK with her, and that we'd like her to tell us herself whether it's kosher. Common sense, right? Him: "My Mom's not home, it's just me and my little sister." This kid is like 6 years old.  Us: "Ohhhhh... well who's watching you?" Him: "I'm keepin' an eye on her..." (  !)Us (as gingerly as possible):"OHHHHhhhhh... can we see her?" Him, very timidly: "Yeah..." He lets my Mom into his apartment and in the back bedroom is his baby sister on the bed. She's obviously less than 6 months old. The kicker? She has a bottle in her mouth being propped up by a goddamn towel wrapped around her head. This all took a good ten minutes to transpire, and as my Mom and this kid are walking out his front door, dumb-bitch-mom comes walking around the corner and tries to give my Mom (a normally timid, keep-to-herself kind of lady) a ration of poo poo for being in her apartment. She said she had only walked to her car in the parking lot. For at least fifteen goddamn minutes. I have NEVER heard my Mom unload on somebody like she did that day, and I have to say I was proud of her. We called the police and they basically took statements and did the jack poo poo that they had to by law. Then we called CPS, and unfortunately it was probably just one of roughly 6,000 cases that were deleted from their system without being investigated. Related: The latest in the giant poo poo-show that is child welfare in Arizona. Never did find out what eventually happened other than them being evicted. I really, really wish this was STDH.
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Jun 3, 2014 09:11
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I was working at a retail store during Black Friday. We had a kiosk with like four registers in a giant circle and something was wrong with the system so we needed people to sign paper for credit card purchases instead of that little touch pad thingy. Little by little our pens were getting stolen and taken until we only had one to share between the four cashiers. A very nice lady saw this problem, reached into her purse, and handed me a stack of about 10 pens. I was in awe an shocked so I thanked her and just started clapping slowly. One of my coworkers saw the generous gift and started clapping too as he thanked her. I guess the people waiting in line thought they had just witnessed a Christmas miracle or something because one by one they all started clapping full on like they were giving a standing ovation. The lady got all red faced and laughed as he left with her stuff. That was the one and only time I have ever successfully started a slow clap.
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Jun 5, 2014 00:59
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The other day I got a text from an international number. It was in German (which I don't know a lick of). I was able to Google Translate part of it (mein magen ist nich gut, sounds like a tummyache) but I have no idea what a "moni" or a "morgen fahren" is so I just texted back telling them to feel better. Feel better, random German person!
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Jun 5, 2014 01:44
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When I was about 11 I was walking through the park and saw a squirrel by a tree about 30 yards away. I thought I would try to scare it off just for the hell of it. So I picked up a rock and lobbed it high in the air, trying to get it close but not too close. But I hit the drat squirrel in the head. Knocked its eyeball out, killed it. I felt really bad.
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Jun 5, 2014 08:12
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Jun 5, 2014 09:41
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SamEyeAm posted:When I was about 11 I was walking through the park and saw a squirrel by a tree about 30 yards away. I thought I would try to scare it off just for the hell of it. So I picked up a rock and lobbed it high in the air, trying to get it close but not too close. But I hit the drat squirrel in the head. Knocked its eyeball out, killed it. I felt really bad. That takes nuts.
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Jun 5, 2014 09:55
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| # ? Jun 8, 2024 21:50 |
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IT BEGINS
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Jun 9, 2014 18:30
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