mind the walrus posted:

Does anyone have that old GIP quote about an Air Force Wife and the nightmare life in-store for her?

Obama Africanus posted:

Go ask the career development folks at the MPF. Also pimp the TMO folks and ask them.

The final answer comes from one of those two sources. And in the end you have a 50/50 chance of being told the wrong thing anyway.

But you asked for thoughts, and after smoking a bowl and contemplating things, I had a thought I'd like to share with you.

Have you considered not marrying your fiancee?

I can count on one finger the number of guys that were USAF intel officers that I wouldn't line up outside the gas chambers if the fourth reich became a thing.

A few years from now, when you can't even stand to look at him without feeling a sense of extreme hatred and disappointment simultaneous to realizing that at 28 years old you spend 50% of your day thinking about becoming a divorcee, remember this advice: Run the gently caress away now.

Seriously, there is a 100% chance your fiancee is a tool and a loving nitwit. There is a 100% chance that he will be peer pressured into becoming a distilled version of fighter pilot gay bro'ness not by dudes that fly fighter jets, but other sperged out intel retard officers. He's going to start saying things like "Check, Rodge, Vector, Burner" and other associated lame as gently caress things, while also sometimes randomly wearing a flightsuit to work on Fridays despite his only flight time being the fam flight he poo poo his pants or puked his guts up during.

Also he's going to cheat on you. Oh man is he going to cheat on you. And there is a not too bad chance that it won't be with some good looking gal, but rather some dumb bitch enlisted intel girl that almost got a degree in psychology from her podunk state school before she decided she hated the taste of gargling frat sperm and dropped out and joined up to get a chance at being the hottest little twat in a windowless SCIF in Japan.

But don't worry about that breaking your heart, he'll never tell you. You'll be too busy caring for the 3-4 kids he demands you squeeze out in repayment to the base model BMW 3 series he's going to buy you when he gets to his second assignment at Tinker AFB.

When he's not deep dicking some borderline inbred dipshit Airman who's a civilian 5 and intel 12, he'll be lording over you how his job and career come first, and pray he doesn't make more money than you because that'll come up everytime you sigh audibly at the dinner table where you two will passive aggressively try to grind down each others will to live and breathe.

By this point as a captain he's going to be TDY 1-2 months a year, where he's getting half assed hand jobs from third tier strippers on excursions with the least socially inept enlisted guys in his flight-- this is probably the point where his raging alcoholism will be so clear and obvious to you that you two will start fighting every saturday before kick off when his colleges football team inevitably will take a beating. This fight won't stop until his next TDY when the sweet release of his toothless stripper infidelities and lack of home presence gives you time to bust out your big giant purple *BZZZZZ* friend whenever those walking talking pants making GBS threads machines you call children fall asleep long enough to let you deaden the nerves in your clitoris.

Soon after he'll take his third assignment, the one right before he pins on Major, and suddenly he'll be pressuring you into becoming a fundamentalist christian, and he'll delete all of his whores off of his facebook account and spend his home time posting image macros about 2nd amendment rights, and how jesus spoke english in the bible so these loving mexicans should too. At this point you two will be consigned to bi-annual loving, and only when you've drank enough cheap boxed wind to be able to stand the idea of him pounding away on you missionary style but still refusing to look you in the eyes.

This will also be the point when your oldest childs ADHD and pyromania are diagnosed, and one of your parents die. There is around a 85% chance one of you is going to be eating zoloft and klonopin out of loving pez dispensers, and waking up angry that the sweet release of death hasn't taken one of you out of this loveless hosed up marriage.

Somewhere in here the idea of swinging is going to come up casually as an almost joke when you are both in the blissful release of a nice drunken buzz, and one of you will actually be very open and interested in the idea. The other is going to wind up being an unhappy accomplice wondering why your partner wants to gently caress almost chubby guys with spray on tans, or watch the sacred hole through which your children came into this world be filled with all manner of different ethnicities of cock.

I'm late to bring this up, but sooner rather than later you're also going to screen positive for HPV, and your intel officer husband is going to take every bit of research skills he has from his job to convince you that you got it from donating blood or sitting on a toilet seat.

You didn't get it from the Red Cross or a trip to the shitter.

As it stands now though, you can walk the gently caress away and enjoy a life that I'm pretty sure would be better than the above. And you'll never have to see the inside of an officers wives meeting which is a lovecraftian hell that makes my description of your future seem like Charlie's trip through the chocolate factory.

Pigsfeet on Rye posted:

And Tubgirl. Don't forget Tubgirl.

iospace posted:

Gorilla Salad posted:

Oddhair posted:

I searched "air force threadid:3695000"

Syd Midnight posted:

I don't, but if it does get posted it's funnier knowing that she married him anyway, and almost everything the post predicted ended up really happening.

Lemniscate Blue posted:

Oh now this I gotta see. Anyone have a link or quote?

Jeffrey of YOSPOS posted:

I'm thinking of buying my girl a new set of oven mitts - her old ones are quite worn and, well, she pees a lot.

Absurd Alhazred posted:

Turtlicious posted:

There is no follow up / proof of that, it's just something older goons say. _{normally the ones who have been through a divorce}

The Grey posted:

I was at Aldi once and an elderly and poor looking woman was trying to return a $2 box of crayons because "the child didn't want them".

fruit on the bottom posted:

Don't think fruit on the bottom doesn't see your jeers. Don't think fruit on the bottom doesn't see your disapproving looks.

"Look at that manlet!"

"I can't believe the government allows him to live"

Filthy. Monstrous. Horrible.

fruit on the bottom won't give them what they want though, no he won't.

Your drive him away with your brooms and your dustpans but you never think to look in your sewers and riverbeds. They are damp and lovely and fillllllllllled with all the raw wwwrrrigling fish fruit on the bottom could ever ask for.

Turtlicious posted:

There is no follow up / proof of that, it's just something older goons say. _{normally the ones who have been through a divorce}

Randbrick posted:

loving Stephen miller.

He looks like the phrase "well actually" got trapped in the menswear section of a jc penny the night they drove old Dixie down

His forehead looks like he's trying to kidnap a fetal Athena

God slapped a widows peak on a thumb so hard the brains flew out then that creature put on a suit and went slouching out to Bethlehem to warn us that Mexico exists

/r/relationships posted:

I’ve known my best friend “Laney” since we were both eight years old. We shared everything together, we were closer than sisters, her parents used to call me their third daughter, etc. We’ve inevitably grown apart somewhat as adults, especially as I moved to a different city a few years ago, but we still talk on the phone and we hang out when I come back to visit my parents every few months.

Laney got married two days ago. This is her second wedding, she married her high school boyfriend first and had two kids with him but divorced him before the second was born because he’d become an alcoholic and drug addict. From what she and everyone else had said, her new husband "Shane" seems like a great guy and everyone was really happy to see Laney get with him after what she went through with the ex. He’s sober, hardworking (both Laney and Shane have the same job in the medical profession) loves Laney and is wonderful with the kids, they both just light up when he comes into a room.

Shane proposed after they’d been dating about a year and a half. Laney would have been just as happy to elope since she’d done it all before, but this is Shane’s first wedding and he and his family wanted a big one, so that’s what they did.

They used Shane’s family minister.

The minister opened with the quote about Eve being made from Adam’s rib as a helpmate for him, and then the ENTIRE ten-minute speech he gave was about women submitting to and obeying their husbands. It was gross. He even mentioned Laney having resistance to the idea during pre-martial counselling, he said they had “discussed it many times” and made it sound like he had talked her around to it. He said something like “A lot of women have a problem with the vow to ‘obey’ because it is sometimes used to justify things that God wouldn’t approve of. They are afraid to follow. But you show them a godly man who they trust, who is following God’s plan to be a worthy leader in their lives, and I haven’t yet met a woman who would object to letting that man lead them”.

That was paraphrasing since I don’t remember his exact words, but the whole mini-sermon was like that, just his ramblings on what submit and obey meant, and how the man as the provider and leader has “sacrificial love” for his family.

I think Laney’s dad was upset by it, because when the minister finally asked him “Who gives this woman?” he answered in a very loud voice, “Her MOTHER and I do.” It sounded like a subtle gently caress-you. Afterwards I asked my husband if I was alone in thinking that was disturbing and he said “No, it was like she joined a loving cult, it was that bad.” We fist-bumped and reconfirmed that we were equal partners. Laney’s sister came up to me during the reception, more than a little tipsy, and went on a rant about it. Her brother joined us and agreed. They had known Shane’s family was evangelical Christian, but hadn’t been expecting anything like this. The only previous hint was the speech Shane’s father gave at the rehearsal dinner, when he mentioned being the head of his family and said that he knew Shane would be a great "leader" for Laney and her kids.

Now I’m both disappointed in and worried about my friend. I hate that she thinks of herself as a second-class citizen in her own home. I can’t believe she took those vows in front of her daughter. I wish she hadn’t set that example in front of my kids- I wouldn’t have brought them if I’d known. A lot of people were speculating that Shane doesn’t believe this bullcrap, that he only went with it to placate his family. But if he does it seems to point to a lot of scary thought processes.

Laney is away on her honeymoon, how should I bring this up with her when she returns? Or should I at all? Her family is very low-drama and non-confrontational, I don’t know if anyone will say anything besides me. Are my instincts even right on this? I have a history of awkwardness, maybe I should just let it be? If I should talk to her, how do I do it without upsetting her?

TL;DR: My friend had a sexist and disturbing wedding ceremony, I am worried, should I say something to her?

fruit on the bottom posted:

I want the kind of relationship where I get to be king, but also my wife-vizier is the real power behind the throne whispering poisonous thoughts into my ear and turning me against my long-suffering subjects.

fruit on the bottom posted:

"Why should I welcome you, female co-worker Stormcrow?"

"A just question, my liege. Late is the hour in which this conjurer chooses to appear. "Harlot" I name her. Ill news is an ill guest. "

sebmojo posted:

Cubone posted:

John Allison is into inflation

Cicadas! posted:

I bet he'd get a kick out of Zimbabwe dollars.

pubic works project posted:

You guys want to see what a piece of poo poo looks and sounds like?

https://www.facebook.com/nbcnightlynews/videos/10155732539123689/

BlindSite posted:

Sure turn your webcam on

Synthbuttrange posted:

Samuringa posted:

Finally a Spider-man comic with the correct web slinger anatomy

Gumbel2Gumbel posted:

a peck of pickled peckers posted:

*me, out of the side of my mouth and in a slightly higher tone*
Please start doing cocaine.

Ha ha okay well...if you say so!

Monos Bullet posted:

we must murder them but with empathy

CharlestonJew posted:

i call it "emdeathy"

Ride The Gravitron posted:

funktopus posted:

God drat, Randbrick has always been one of the best posters on here. I wish I could be that clever.

Leavemywife posted:

Well, I tried watching an old Eddie Murphy stand up special and had to quit after he asked the faggots in the audience not to look at his rear end.

Strudel Man posted:

Couldn't you just cover up the bottom of the screen?

Chuck Buried Treasure posted:

Chuck Buried Treasure posted:

Gumbel2Gumbel posted:

Help I'm 12 years old and also dying of laughter

CloFan posted:

Pigsfeet on Rye posted:

The Last Hotdog Supper, wherein Jesus says "One of you will betray me".

Dave Syndrome posted:

Eh. Quick and dirty:

Moon Slayer posted:

CzarChasm posted:

Please tell me that's MrBibs in the middle

CzarChasm posted:

Please tell me that's MrBibs in the middle

Powaqoatse posted:

It's the unflappable cool guy of legend who doesn't even care about baseballs or bats.

CzarChasm posted:

My bad. I saw "Hotdog" and "Will betray me" and just jumped to a conclusion.