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Dazerbeams
Jul 8, 2009

It's worth it! I just got married on Sunday and everything worked out beautifully. It was great to be surrounded by family on our special day after over a year of planning and coordinating and stressing. I magically avoided all drama as my problem family members all chose not to show up.

Ladies, if you're on the fence about spending some extra money on hair and make up, just do it. The photos are gonna last forever and you're gonna look gorgeous. I felt like a goddess and everyone made sure to let me know that I looked it too.

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Bacon Terrorist
May 7, 2010

to ride eternal, shiny and chrome

THUNDERDOME LOSER 2022
Congratulations! I'm glad you had a perfect day :)

Kinfolk Jones
Oct 31, 2010

Faaaaaaaaast
Just want to jump into this thread to say that we got married on Friday! We went with an outdoor ceremony, and it looked like it was going to rain about a week before the ceremony. Thankfully, the weather was excellent and the ceremony went off without a hitch! The reception was excellent as well; there was a bit of an issue with the caterer but they took some money off the bill afterwards as compensation. All around, it was everything we could have ever hoped for.

Special shoutout to 19 o'clock for both the ceremony and for the DJ'ing at the reception. All of our guests raved about his performance, and he managed not to get sprayed by the skunk that was allegedly lurking around. If you have an opportunity to hire him, hire that man!

coronatae
Oct 14, 2012

We just signed the contract and put down the deposit for our venue! :supaburn:

Baronash
Feb 29, 2012

So what do you want to be called?
I'm trying to track down an invitation design I remember seeing in this thread. If I remember correctly, it folded out into a long sheet and had some interesting typography with lots of different font sizes. Does anyone know what I'm talking about?

Baronash fucked around with this message at 08:02 on Sep 21, 2016

19 o'clock
Sep 9, 2004

Excelsior!!!

Kinfolk Jones posted:

Just want to jump into this thread to say that we got married on Friday! We went with an outdoor ceremony, and it looked like it was going to rain about a week before the ceremony. Thankfully, the weather was excellent and the ceremony went off without a hitch! The reception was excellent as well; there was a bit of an issue with the caterer but they took some money off the bill afterwards as compensation. All around, it was everything we could have ever hoped for.

Special shoutout to 19 o'clock for both the ceremony and for the DJ'ing at the reception. All of our guests raved about his performance, and he managed not to get sprayed by the skunk that was allegedly lurking around. If you have an opportunity to hire him, hire that man!

Dinner happened and that food was delicious. Good pick on the caterer in spite of any snafus along the way. I was completely surprised at the party crew y'all had - a welcome surprise and thanks for the praise! It's a privilege to do this type of work.

That skunk scared the bejesus out of me. I had to do a wedding the next day and definitely needed that suit to be in good repair. Spectacular venue regardless!

Nicol Bolas
Feb 13, 2009
When it comes to no-kids weddings, how do you roll that out?

We have it on our original invite draft (underneath lodging, above the website URL) but now my partner is thinking that maybe we only have it on the website and take it off the invite. There aren't that many kids anyway but I worry about folks getting on a plane and then being rudely surprised because they didn't look at the website. The current phrasing is pretty gentle with "we will help you find care arrangements at the hotel for any young children" and some people will fuss over not bringing their kid no matter what, so I'm not looking for a miracle here, just clarity. On the invite, or not on the invite?

Kitten Kisses
Apr 2, 2007

Dancing with myself.
Put it on the invite, most people are not going to bother looking at your website at all and knowing if you need a babysitter is pretty crucial information when deciding if you can accept the invitation at all.

Nicol Bolas
Feb 13, 2009
Yeah, it's staying on the invite. Thanks for confirming what I thought to be correct.

Also, if you are getting into planning, know that 90% of wedding planning is obsessive and irritating data gathering and management. Guh. It was difficult to get everyone's addresses, I can't imagine how bad it's gonna be to get RSVPs.

Olothreutes
Mar 31, 2007

What is the general wedding etiquette for tipping people like the DJ, photographer, etc? The caterer has explicitly said they're including a gratuity in the charge for their staff and not to tip, but the others I'm not so clear on.

19 o'clock
Sep 9, 2004

Excelsior!!!

Olothreutes posted:

What is the general wedding etiquette for tipping people like the DJ, photographer, etc? The caterer has explicitly said they're including a gratuity in the charge for their staff and not to tip, but the others I'm not so clear on.

For me (a DJ/guitarist/singer) I say that it is always appreciated but never mandatory/expected. Always a nice bonus but I bid out such that I am earning a salary on top of covering all associated expenses. It definitely is nice if something horrendous happens (i.e. - myself and all of my gear getting hailed on/drunk guests being borderline nuts/extra time at no charge).

Do you have a wedding planner? I would say ask them as it may even be a regional thing. I work with one in particular who makes it a point to explain to all her clients that tips are kind of expected. I personally think that's maybe a bit tacky to say it like that explicitly, though.

Olothreutes
Mar 31, 2007

19 o'clock posted:

For me (a DJ/guitarist/singer) I say that it is always appreciated but never mandatory/expected. Always a nice bonus but I bid out such that I am earning a salary on top of covering all associated expenses. It definitely is nice if something horrendous happens (i.e. - myself and all of my gear getting hailed on/drunk guests being borderline nuts/extra time at no charge).

Do you have a wedding planner? I would say ask them as it may even be a regional thing. I work with one in particular who makes it a point to explain to all her clients that tips are kind of expected. I personally think that's maybe a bit tacky to say it like that explicitly, though.

No, no wedding planner. I gave the DJ an extra hundred because he hauled all his own equipment around, drove like 100 miles round trip, and basically was all around amazing. He came down (another 110 miles) for our rehearsal as well, which I hadn't expected him to do. All the info on the internet that I was able to find says that you don't tip the owners of businesses (photographer if they own the studio, etc) but other people it's nice if they do a great job.

In other news, my wedding is done and was fantastic. Even the random aunts and uncles I expect I will never see again, they were cool people too. Mrs. Olo and I wrote our own vows in secret and then we both said very similar stuff, and everyone thought that was great. The weather was amazing after having been lovely all week, and apparently the food was good too (I couldn't actually taste anything, I blame adrenaline). Our cake was legit amazing, I'll post a picture when it arrives.

Also I cried, which apparently made a bunch of other people cry, so that was neat. I actually saw someone throwing a pack of tissues across the aisle to another guest.

Koala Food
Nov 16, 2010

We are considering getting a day-of wedding planner since our venue doesnt come with any staff and someone would have to coordinate the rentals, food, dj, etc.

Only thing is it's around $1000 for just the day. We want to feel like we don't have to orchestrate everything on pur wedding day, but the planner would cosy as much as the venue...

Grumpwagon
May 6, 2007
I am a giant assfuck who needs to harden the fuck up.

Koala Food posted:

We are considering getting a day-of wedding planner since our venue doesnt come with any staff and someone would have to coordinate the rentals, food, dj, etc.

Only thing is it's around $1000 for just the day. We want to feel like we don't have to orchestrate everything on pur wedding day, but the planner would cosy as much as the venue...

We got one, the best we could find was $750, and even that was more because she was just starting a partnership with the venue. It was worth it for us, but we had a decent amount of set up, take down, and movement of stuff during the event (we had the ceremony and the reception at the same place).

Koala Food
Nov 16, 2010

Grumpwagon posted:

We got one, the best we could find was $750, and even that was more because she was just starting a partnership with the venue. It was worth it for us, but we had a decent amount of set up, take down, and movement of stuff during the event (we had the ceremony and the reception at the same place).

I'm jealous, $1000 is the cheapest we have found so far. Maybe I'm just not looking in the right places. The average seems to be 1-2k, and our total budget is 15k. I'd prefer to spend it on fun things, but I also want to enjoy the wedding and not have to worry about things. My friends have offered to help, but they haven't done something like this before and I don't want to stress them out.

Squats
Nov 4, 2009


We hired a day of coordinator for $1,400, but we also live in the stupid expensive SF Bay Area. She's been really helpful with stuff pre-wedding, such as dealing with the shuttle and hotel block logistics entirely, will be transporting all of our decorative junk to the venue and then setting it up herself, and has been there for prompt advice over emails and to calm me down when I start freaking out over wedding poo poo.

Speaking of: I'm freaking out over wedding poo poo. Because our wedding is tomorrow. And I still have to write my vows, get my dress steamed and pressed, pack everything to hand off to the day of, get replacement ink catridges to print out the table numbers, a lot of small little decorative things, and the rehearsal is this afternoon.

I'm not sure how brides are expected to carry all of their small personal items (phone, medications, etc.) during the wedding. It's not like my dress has pockets. The soon-to-be-Mr.-Detective and I are carrying each other's ring down the aisle ourselves. He has pockets of course. I think I'm going to wear his ring on my thumb until the exchange, and hope I don't fumble that poo poo out of anxiety.

Oh god TOMORROW. :ohdear:

Assless Chaps
May 7, 2007

*ding*
Clapping Larry

Giant Boy Detective posted:

Speaking of: I'm freaking out over wedding poo poo. Because our wedding is tomorrow. And I still have to write my vows, get my dress steamed and pressed, pack everything to hand off to the day of, get replacement ink catridges to print out the table numbers, a lot of small little decorative things, and the rehearsal is this afternoon.

I'm not sure how brides are expected to carry all of their small personal items (phone, medications, etc.) during the wedding. It's not like my dress has pockets. The soon-to-be-Mr.-Detective and I are carrying each other's ring down the aisle ourselves. He has pockets of course. I think I'm going to wear his ring on my thumb until the exchange, and hope I don't fumble that poo poo out of anxiety.

Oh god TOMORROW. :ohdear:

I know it's easier said than done, but TRY TO RELAX and DELEGATE as much of that other poo poo to your bridesmaids as possible. They can get things steamed, print things, deal with stupid details you're too busy to deal with, etc. If they are like my bridesmaids (I got married this past August), they will WANT to help you and try to ease your burden. Go ask and have them take care of things that are overwhelming you. I know it's crazy stressful, but you have people to help you and you are SO CLOSE to having the most fun, awesome day of your life. You can do it!

Nephzinho
Jan 25, 2008





Koala Food posted:

We are considering getting a day-of wedding planner since our venue doesnt come with any staff and someone would have to coordinate the rentals, food, dj, etc.

Only thing is it's around $1000 for just the day. We want to feel like we don't have to orchestrate everything on pur wedding day, but the planner would cosy as much as the venue...

I'm getting one. She is friends with the venue and the rental company and is going to make sure everything at a fairly DIY/ a la carte wedding gets put together properly. No amount of planning can account for having to do 8 things at once while looking at the clock and thinking "okay i need to shower and get dressed so that i can get married" - it is going to be money well spent.

Problem!
Jan 1, 2007

I am the queen of France.

Giant Boy Detective posted:

I'm not sure how brides are expected to carry all of their small personal items (phone, medications, etc.) during the wedding. It's not like my dress has pockets. The soon-to-be-Mr.-Detective and I are carrying each other's ring down the aisle ourselves. He has pockets of course. I think I'm going to wear his ring on my thumb until the exchange, and hope I don't fumble that poo poo out of anxiety.

I found bridesmaids dresses with pockets. My bridesmaids were my purse.

Loud Mouse
Dec 19, 2008

MY WILL IS THE CHEESE CLUB
NOTHING IS BETTER THAN CHEESE




Nicol Bolas posted:

When it comes to no-kids weddings, how do you roll that out?

We have it on our original invite draft (underneath lodging, above the website URL) but now my partner is thinking that maybe we only have it on the website and take it off the invite. There aren't that many kids anyway but I worry about folks getting on a plane and then being rudely surprised because they didn't look at the website. The current phrasing is pretty gentle with "we will help you find care arrangements at the hotel for any young children" and some people will fuss over not bringing their kid no matter what, so I'm not looking for a miracle here, just clarity. On the invite, or not on the invite?

We are having a no-kids wedding, but aren't putting anything about it on the invite or website. Instead we have told the wedding party, and they have been quietly spreading the word to anyone who asks. Honestly, most of our friends and family have said they would rather leave the kids with a babysitter/grandparents for the weekend anyway, so there hasn't been any sort of fuss made.

Jolarix
Feb 28, 2004
Your reading skill has increased by +1 point(s).
Anybody have experience renting a Bouncy Castle during an outdoor reception? Future Mrs. wants one and it seems like it could be fun, but am are they any downsides? I guess liability?

Mandalay
Mar 16, 2007

WoW Forums Refugee
Can you guys suggest a nice bible passage and/or poetry for our ceremony? We aren't religious but want to respect the sanctity of the church that our ceremony's being held in.

Gravitee
Nov 20, 2003

I just put money in the Magic Fingers!

Jolarix posted:

Anybody have experience renting a Bouncy Castle during an outdoor reception? Future Mrs. wants one and it seems like it could be fun, but am are they any downsides? I guess liability?

Is there going to be alcohol? I can promise that someone will toss their cookies and the rental company is not going to clean it for you.

coronatae
Oct 14, 2012

Mandalay posted:

Can you guys suggest a nice bible passage and/or poetry for our ceremony? We aren't religious but want to respect the sanctity of the church that our ceremony's being held in.

Probably the most common bible passage I hear read at a wedding is 1st Corinthians 13:4-8 (love is patient, love is kind...) but that's hella overdone* so here is one I like (and which I am going to use at my own wedding!)

Ruth 1:16-17 posted:

And Ruth said, Intreat me not to leave thee, or to return from following after thee: for whither thou goest, I will go; and where thou lodgest, I will lodge: thy people shall be my people, and thy God my God: Where thou diest, will I die, and there will I be buried: the LORD do so to me, and more also, if ought but death part thee and me.

Also seconding the concern about having a bouncy castle at an event with food and alcohol. The first thing I thought of was how many people would end up barfing in that thing.

*My sister once attended an evangelical wedding where they read this passage, and the sermon was all about how it actually refers to God's love and not romantic love, so the pastor went through the whole thing again saying "the Father's love is patient, the Father's love is kind..." I would have gone crazy

Kitten Kisses
Apr 2, 2007

Dancing with myself.

Jolarix posted:

Anybody have experience renting a Bouncy Castle during an outdoor reception? Future Mrs. wants one and it seems like it could be fun, but am are they any downsides? I guess liability?

Make sure the place your reception is being held will allow you to place it on their grounds. Those things aren't exactly kind to landscaping.

Also, yea... barfing may be a thing.

Scudworth
Jan 1, 2005

When life gives you lemons, you clone those lemons, and make super lemons.

Dinosaur Gum

Mandalay posted:

Can you guys suggest a nice bible passage and/or poetry for our ceremony? We aren't religious but want to respect the sanctity of the church that our ceremony's being held in.

Solomon 8:6-7

Set me as a seal upon your heart, as a seal upon your arm;
for love is strong as death, passion fierce as the grave.
Its flashes are flashes of fire, a raging flame.
Many waters cannot quench love, neither can floods drown it.
If one offered for love all the wealth of his house,
it would be utterly scorned.


Bonus: don't read any of the chapter surrounding this passage!

couldcareless
Feb 8, 2009

Spheal used Swagger!

Nicol Bolas posted:

When it comes to no-kids weddings, how do you roll that out?

We have it on our original invite draft (underneath lodging, above the website URL) but now my partner is thinking that maybe we only have it on the website and take it off the invite. There aren't that many kids anyway but I worry about folks getting on a plane and then being rudely surprised because they didn't look at the website. The current phrasing is pretty gentle with "we will help you find care arrangements at the hotel for any young children" and some people will fuss over not bringing their kid no matter what, so I'm not looking for a miracle here, just clarity. On the invite, or not on the invite?

We put right on the invitation "Adult only reception"
Only one that was under 18 allowed in was my own little brother.

Squats
Nov 4, 2009


Assless Chaps posted:

I know it's easier said than done, but TRY TO RELAX and DELEGATE as much of that other poo poo to your bridesmaids as possible. They can get things steamed, print things, deal with stupid details you're too busy to deal with, etc. If they are like my bridesmaids (I got married this past August), they will WANT to help you and try to ease your burden. Go ask and have them take care of things that are overwhelming you. I know it's crazy stressful, but you have people to help you and you are SO CLOSE to having the most fun, awesome day of your life. You can do it!

Thanks, your advice really helped. We didn't have a wedding party, so there actually were no bridesmaids (not even a best man nor maid of honor), but both sets of parents were not offended at all at being asked to help with printing things and getting stuff dry-cleaned. I felt awful asking, because I really wanted both families to just sit back and enjoy, but stuff got done, and they got to enjoy themselves for the rest of the event.


The wedding went well. Really really well. It was a low key quiet little wedding, 40 adults in a small historical garden, tame jazz trio, no one got smashed, and everyone just enjoyed catching up with their friends. It was really beautiful, much more so than I imagined it could be. All The Lights Ever just transformed the venue from pretty to WHOA. If you're having an outdoor reception where it'll be dark at some point, I highly recommend pulling out all the stops when it comes to warm white lighting: market lights, twinkle lights, lanterns, candles, the works. Hot drat.

RE: Announcing a kid-free wedding - We sent our Save the Dates as emails, so we put the "Adults Only" part into those. We used the excuse of our venue having very limited capacity (which it did, 50 is the max). I'm fairly certain that a small handful of our invited friends declined specifically because they couldn't bring their kids, and it was sad they weren't there, but they were adults who made their own choices about attending or not, and no one seemed insulted by the prospect.

Assless Chaps
May 7, 2007

*ding*
Clapping Larry

Giant Boy Detective posted:

Thanks, your advice really helped. We didn't have a wedding party, so there actually were no bridesmaids (not even a best man nor maid of honor), but both sets of parents were not offended at all at being asked to help with printing things and getting stuff dry-cleaned. I felt awful asking, because I really wanted both families to just sit back and enjoy, but stuff got done, and they got to enjoy themselves for the rest of the event.


The wedding went well. Really really well. It was a low key quiet little wedding, 40 adults in a small historical garden, tame jazz trio, no one got smashed, and everyone just enjoyed catching up with their friends. It was really beautiful, much more so than I imagined it could be. All The Lights Ever just transformed the venue from pretty to WHOA. If you're having an outdoor reception where it'll be dark at some point, I highly recommend pulling out all the stops when it comes to warm white lighting: market lights, twinkle lights, lanterns, candles, the works. Hot drat.

Excellent, I'm so glad everything went well! That was my mistake to assume you had a wedding party, but see, there are always people who are more than happy to help you! Your wedding sounded really chill and wonderful. Congratulations! Now enjoy the beautiful feeling of not having to plan all that stuff anymore! :)

Sunny Side Up
Jun 22, 2004

Mayoist Third Condimentist
.

Sunny Side Up fucked around with this message at 02:21 on May 28, 2019

Problem!
Jan 1, 2007

I am the queen of France.

Sunny Side Up posted:

We keep hitting snags that completely sap our motivation (e.g. we picked a color palette, but then us two engineers don't know how to apply that to bridesmaid dresses, centerpieces; we can narrow down caterers, but how do you pick a DJ from a distance?), so we want to go with a wedding a planner to help guide us.

My question for you all is: what should we have figured out before we talk to a wedding planner?

We have the venue, the date, her dress, guest list, and accommodations, and we've narrowed the caterer list down to 6 places we are going to do tastings at in January (wedding is next October about 7 hours away, driving).

We just want to make sure we get the most out of someone we're consulting with.

You don't need a wedding planner, you need Pinterest. Just type in "[your color palette] wedding", save pictures of ones you think are nice, bring pictures to the florist/bridal shop and find something similar.

Most DJs will have videos they can send you and will have reviews online. I asked our venue for DJ recommendations and they spat out a few names then I picked the one with the best reviews that wasn't prohibitively expensive.

IMO wedding planners are a waste of money unless you're absurdly busy or hopelessly disorganized.

Sunny Side Up
Jun 22, 2004

Mayoist Third Condimentist
.

Sunny Side Up fucked around with this message at 02:21 on May 28, 2019

Residency Evil
Jul 28, 2003

4/5 godo... Schumi
Not sure if this is the right place to ask (where else I guess?), but how do I figure out how much to spend on an engagement ring? I understand it's a bit of a silly question, but I have no idea to gauge what's appropriate for my situation.

Mandalay
Mar 16, 2007

WoW Forums Refugee
There's no one right answer. I went from looking at a Costco diamond ring for thousands of dollars to deciding to give my wife my grandma's heirloom ring.

overdesigned
Apr 10, 2003

We are compassion...
Lipstick Apathy

Mandalay posted:

There's no one right answer. I went from looking at a Costco diamond ring for thousands of dollars to deciding to give my wife my grandma's heirloom ring.

Yeah, it really depends on you and your fiance more than anything. Does she expect a grand monetary gesture? Does she want something conflict-free and environmentally friendly? Just a huge friggin rock? Or is it not a huge deal and something more basic is fine? And probably most importantly, what can you afford to spend?

Scudworth
Jan 1, 2005

When life gives you lemons, you clone those lemons, and make super lemons.

Dinosaur Gum

Residency Evil posted:

Not sure if this is the right place to ask (where else I guess?), but how do I figure out how much to spend on an engagement ring? I understand it's a bit of a silly question, but I have no idea to gauge what's appropriate for my situation.

You spend as much as you can afford to pay for a ring suited to their taste. This isn't about money.
That could be a cute custom thing from Etsy for $75, it could be some titanium and emerald monstrosity for as much as a small car. It could be a new laptop and not a ring at all.

Robot Mil
Apr 13, 2011

Sunny Side Up posted:

We are super organized (I have a beautiful wedding spreadsheet haha), and we have plenty of pictures of what we think look good, but there are a lot of things we don't know. Here are some examples:

>How do we know what the bridesmaids should wear, or her mom should wear, or her grandma, and how they'll all go together?
>How much alcohol do we buy? The caterers will bring what they're serving at dinner, but we are expected to purchase the alcohol for the cocktail hour and the open bar for the caterer (with their VT liquor license) to serve.
>What should we be asking at tastings with vendors? We know how to gauge the quality of presentation, taste, mouthfeel, but other than getting a sense of "this person is organized" or "this person is communicative and helpful" our phonecalls haven't helped us make a decision. Are there specific fees or costs we need to be asking about? etc.
>Who provides lighting? The DJ? What about for the dance floor? Who provides the dance floor if the venue isn't providing it? Is it normal to ask the DJ if they're doing any of these things or is that a foolish thing to ask?
>Where do we start with decorations to turn pictures we like into something real that we want? There's all sorts of "pinterest failure" memes out there comparing what people were trying to create with what they actually created. It's not like we can CAD up some isometrics and then go to a machine shop to fab them up.

Honestly, I think she is leaning toward a planner because she's worried whether her decisions are right or wrong and wants someone with some kind of experience to review what we're deciding and we know no one like that. I'm agreeing with her only because I have no clue, myself, and it sounds like a good idea even if I don't want to spend the money. That's why I'm asking what we should do before we meet with them so that we minimize what we need from them only to p much just guidance or direction or confirmation of what's a good idea and what's a bad idea.


No-one knows anything when it comes to wedding planning, you just muddle through trying to think about what you will like and will make you happy. I wouldn't worry about whether you get it 'wrong', it will all come together and wedding vendors will be used to being asked a LOT of questions. You just have to sit down and make decisions like you have never decided before. Seriously, it's a very weird and specific list of decision you have to make for almost every part of the wedding process.

Such as for bridesmaids:
1) Whatever your colour theme is, decide which colour you WANT them to wear (e.g. if you have a blue/gold theme, do you want them wearing the blue or the gold?) It is much easier if you are OK with shades of the main colour/s rather than wanting a very specific colour and that everything has to match. The dresses do not have to match the exact colour of the centrepieces, really, if they are around the same shade it will be fine. Or even if they are completely different, they don't have to match.
2) Think about the style of your wedding and what would fit in (e.g. sparkly sequinned numbers for a formal evening based wedding, floaty dresses for a summer outdoor wedding, long dresses if it'll be cold, shorter if it'll be hot)
3) Do you want them to all wear the same dress in the same colour? Or different dresses in the same colour? Or the same dress in different colours? Or are you not that bothered and you can ask the bridesmaids to choose which they'd prefer?
4) Factor in your knowledge of the bridesmaids and whether they will accept your decision/suggestions or want to have a lot of say.
5) Just tell other members of the bridal party once you have chosen the bridesmaids stuff and they can decide what they wear to either fit in or stand out depending how drama prone they are. You can't make everyone's decisions for them

There are plenty of websites out there that will help you calculate how much alcohol you will need - just think about your 'audience' (are your friends/family big drinkers, wine drinkers, beer drinkers, teetotal?) Google 'how much alcohol for a party' or something.

I would ask your venue about dancefloors and lighting - they should know what is typical for when they host weddings, and can advise you. DJs certainly provide lighting and often dancefloors as well. Actually your venue is a good place to start for lots of questions if they host a lot of weddings - they can often recommend vendors and tell you what has worked well/not so well in the space.

Caterers I'm not so sure about if you are based in the US as I think it's quite different from the UK. We went with a caterer whose price per head was all inclusive (taxes, service, tablewear etc.) which was much easier for us. Apart from that it was just whether they did the style of food we wanted, responded quickly to emails/questions, and seemed nice when we met them...

Grumpwagon
May 6, 2007
I am a giant assfuck who needs to harden the fuck up.

Sunny Side Up posted:

We are super organized (I have a beautiful wedding spreadsheet haha), and we have plenty of pictures of what we think look good, but there are a lot of things we don't know. Here are some examples:

>How do we know what the bridesmaids should wear, or her mom should wear, or her grandma, and how they'll all go together?
>How much alcohol do we buy? The caterers will bring what they're serving at dinner, but we are expected to purchase the alcohol for the cocktail hour and the open bar for the caterer (with their VT liquor license) to serve.
>What should we be asking at tastings with vendors? We know how to gauge the quality of presentation, taste, mouthfeel, but other than getting a sense of "this person is organized" or "this person is communicative and helpful" our phonecalls haven't helped us make a decision. Are there specific fees or costs we need to be asking about? etc.
>Who provides lighting? The DJ? What about for the dance floor? Who provides the dance floor if the venue isn't providing it? Is it normal to ask the DJ if they're doing any of these things or is that a foolish thing to ask?
>Where do we start with decorations to turn pictures we like into something real that we want? There's all sorts of "pinterest failure" memes out there comparing what people were trying to create with what they actually created. It's not like we can CAD up some isometrics and then go to a machine shop to fab them up.

Honestly, I think she is leaning toward a planner because she's worried whether her decisions are right or wrong and wants someone with some kind of experience to review what we're deciding and we know no one like that. I'm agreeing with her only because I have no clue, myself, and it sounds like a good idea even if I don't want to spend the money. That's why I'm asking what we should do before we meet with them so that we minimize what we need from them only to p much just guidance or direction or confirmation of what's a good idea and what's a bad idea.

Yeah, engineer to engineer, you're overthinking this. Ask all your vendors a bunch of questions. If they balk, get someone else. With all vendors, you're looking for someone who gets what you're trying to do, is talented, and communicates well. Nothing else really matters. If they're too busy to answer questions quickly, they're probably not right for you.

Do only exactly what you want. If you think something isn't important to the wedding, don't do it. Some people think it's extremely important for all colors used to be the exact same shade. If you feel that way, great, if not, ignore it (we ignored it). There is no right or wrong except your opinion (and in the few cases where there is a right or wrong, like with liquor, just use a calculator then buy some extra).

For booze, if you want to have a signature drink or two, that makes things easier to plan, or you could do what we did and just buy some of everything. We ran out of a couple of things, but there were enough other options that no one minded too much. Still, even that, you're not going to make literally everyone happy. We bought a TON of varieties of stuff, and one family went out and bought some Bud Light and brought it back to the venue because that's all they drink.

Don't try to make everything perfect. Make it so you're happy, and gently caress what anyone else thinks.

We did have a day of wedding planner, because the venue has no people there on event days, and that was nice (they helped pick up deliveries, switched over space from eating to dancing, monitored liquor levels, etc). I think that more than a day of planner is a waste of money, but weddings kind of are a waste of money. If you can afford to hire a planner, and it would massively lower your stress level, go ahead and do it. If you'd rather spend that money elsewhere, realize that they're a convenience, not a necessity.


MOST IMPORTANTLY OF ALL

Robot Mil posted:

No-one knows anything when it comes to wedding planning, you just muddle through trying to think about what you will like and will make you happy. I wouldn't worry about whether you get it 'wrong', it will all come together

Nephzinho
Jan 25, 2008





Sunny Side Up posted:

We are super organized (I have a beautiful wedding spreadsheet haha), and we have plenty of pictures of what we think look good, but there are a lot of things we don't know. Here are some examples:

>How do we know what the bridesmaids should wear, or her mom should wear, or her grandma, and how they'll all go together?
>How much alcohol do we buy? The caterers will bring what they're serving at dinner, but we are expected to purchase the alcohol for the cocktail hour and the open bar for the caterer (with their VT liquor license) to serve.
>What should we be asking at tastings with vendors? We know how to gauge the quality of presentation, taste, mouthfeel, but other than getting a sense of "this person is organized" or "this person is communicative and helpful" our phonecalls haven't helped us make a decision. Are there specific fees or costs we need to be asking about? etc.
>Who provides lighting? The DJ? What about for the dance floor? Who provides the dance floor if the venue isn't providing it? Is it normal to ask the DJ if they're doing any of these things or is that a foolish thing to ask?
>Where do we start with decorations to turn pictures we like into something real that we want? There's all sorts of "pinterest failure" memes out there comparing what people were trying to create with what they actually created. It's not like we can CAD up some isometrics and then go to a machine shop to fab them up.

Honestly, I think she is leaning toward a planner because she's worried whether her decisions are right or wrong and wants someone with some kind of experience to review what we're deciding and we know no one like that. I'm agreeing with her only because I have no clue, myself, and it sounds like a good idea even if I don't want to spend the money. That's why I'm asking what we should do before we meet with them so that we minimize what we need from them only to p much just guidance or direction or confirmation of what's a good idea and what's a bad idea.

I ended up hiring a wedding planner who has been mostly useless in helping me plan, but I am still going to be happy to have a person running around keeping things moving day-of so that I don't have to. We've kind of stayed ahead of her on our selections, etc, but having a designated person overseeing setup and takedown, making sure we stay on schedule - it will be very welcome. Erases a lot of the downside to an a la carte wedding with the venue, booze, food, and rentals all coming from different places.

As for booze, I basically built a calculator with adjustable fields for # of guests and # of hours of alcohol consumption. 1 drink per person per hour on average, and then scale out how many "drinks" a beer, a bottle of wine, and a bottle of liquor contain. Then start breaking out into percentage of total representation you want beer/wine/liquor to be, and then break those out into what you want. We're ending up going with 2 reds, 2 whites, 4 beers, and a simple 3 liquor bar (+ whiskey). I can tweak numbers and expectations pretty easily and it spits me out a nice neat buy list at the end.

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19 o'clock
Sep 9, 2004

Excelsior!!!

Sunny Side Up posted:

>Who provides lighting? The DJ? What about for the dance floor? Who provides the dance floor if the venue isn't providing it? Is it normal to ask the DJ if they're doing any of these things or is that a foolish thing to ask?

Wedding DJ here. DJ should provide dance floor lighting by default, uplighting is a great thing to add but many will upcharge for it. I can't say I've ever been requested to provide a dancefloor and it's definitely something I wouldn't want to try and manage. That's more of a venue or table/chair/event rental company item. They are big, heavy and (as you can imagine) get pretty funky after a night of being danced on with drinks. I'll stick to my existing 700/800lb rollout of equipment.

As far as hiring a DJ goes I vote have a conversation with them (voice, not e-mail) and talk about your vision for the day. I meet with my clients where possible and feel that it's a two-way street in terms of fit. Personality matters a lot as I am going to be MC'ing the day, too, and I want to make sure I'm the right fit for the event. Style and approach matter a lot. For example: I am anti-cheese and don't play wedding games/mixers when it comes to dancing. Do you want me to bring props, play The Chicken Dance, and talk in between every song? I'm probably not your guy.

Let me know about any other questions you have about the day, though. I have 21 booked for this coming year already and have been at this for awhile. Always happy to share at least an idea or two from previous weddings.

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