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Anyone who hasn't read this book got any guesses as to who the love interest is?
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Jan 24, 2014 20:09
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I'm only skimming the book posts because they make my brain hurt, so I'm just assuming she hooks up with the tree. I also can't remember what this book is called anymore and can't bring myself to have to look at any of those posts again in order to refresh my memory.
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Jan 24, 2014 20:21
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At this point I'm barely even skimming. What was the last book that couldn't be summarized as "assholes wander around the Xanth countryside rolling on the random pun encounter table for fourteen chapters, then after the last random pun they suddenly get married and the book ends"? I'm thinking it was... none of them at all?
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Jan 24, 2014 20:47
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Red Metal posted:Also, keep in mind that Piers Anthony is still writing these, and the most recent one came out just over a month ago. I roll to disbelieve. Damnit! 
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Jan 24, 2014 21:10
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Nihilarian posted:Anyone who hasn't read this book got any guesses as to who the love interest is? Male character + female character + go on quest together = at least dating by the end of the book, therefore she will marry the tree, somehow. This happens with other authors, too, but Xanth seems to be worse about not bothering to make sure they get along before they fall in marriage. If we disapprove of the Zombie King's age being 30 vs Breanna's 15 years, what does that mean we will feel once someone does the math for Justin Tree's age? Isn't he older than Bink?
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Jan 25, 2014 02:31
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GoodyTwoShoes posted:If we disapprove of the Zombie King's age being 30 vs Breanna's 15 years, what does that mean we will feel once someone does the math for Justin Tree's age? Isn't he older than Bink? Yup. He was turned into a tree by Trent during his first coup attempt. So he's at least 15-20 years older than Bink? I'd say count the generations between them but that's a fool's errand at this point.
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Jan 25, 2014 02:42
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Justin is indeed in his, like, 90s. And...well, in theory, Yon Ill Wind was about saving Xanth from a hurricane? Chapter 6. Dolph is the POV. He finds travel to Pyramid quite strange. They land on the green face, in a jungle, but see no footprints. quote:"Maybe that sand will know," Dor said. He walked across toward it. (Pun Count: 133) The sand agrees to help them look. quote:The sand humped up and formed into a green man shape. "Sandy Sandman, at your service," it said. (Pun Count: 134) He tells them to become green by washing in green water. This works. quote:Green bubbles formed and rose to the surface around them. As each got there, it popped. "Who are you?" one asked. "Why are you here?" another asked. "Where are you going?" a third one asked. (Pun Count: 135) quote:Bink emerged from the water and spied a green mint plant. He was about to pick a mint to eat when Sandy spoke again. "Don't. That's a govern mint. If you eat of its fruit, you will have so swear allegiance to it." (Pun Count: 136) They find some ants to talk to, but Sandy tells them not to bother. quote:The ant waved its antennae. "He says far pastures are always greenest," Sandy translated. (Pun Count: 137) quote:Oh. So Dolph focused on the next ant. "Foreigner?" The ant waved its feelers. (Pun Count: 138) quote:"That's an ench ant. It will enchant you if you let it." (Pun Count: 139) quote:"That's a brilli ant. It is very bright, but won't speak to those it deems dull, which is everyone else." (Pun Count: 140) quote:"Then what kind of ant will do?" Dolph asked, beginning to think about becoming annoyed. (Pun Count: 141) Dolph becomes a roc and they head off. They cross over the border of the blue face, get disoriented, and go back and land. They offer to trade favors with some more sand. quote:The sand heaved and humped and formed into a person-like figure. A female one, with a light clothing and dark body. She wore a conical hat and high-heeled shoes. "How about a man?" she asked, and cackled. (Pun Count: 142) They tell her where Sandy is, though they worry that he won't want to be her boyfriend. She doesn't care, and tells them to use the lings to orient for blue. (Pun Count: 143) They do so. From there, they follow the prints to Pyramid Ida. They're a few hours behind the Zombie Master, who went to Torus. They trade access for information on Dawn and Eve. She tells them about how Torus works. They head to Torus Ida, who tells them that the Zombie Master went to Cone. They head there, and are accosted by Drarphn, a dragon/harpy/goblin crossbreed. All people of Cone are crossbreeds. She demands payment. quote:"Pay what?" (Pun Count: 144) quote:"Burn his wings off so he can grow clean new ones," a rock said. And so they evnter Evil Prime Forest. quote:"We can't pass," Dor complained, wedging ahead. (Pun Count: 145) quote:"A chorus vine," Bink said, recognizing the species "Thank you, vine, you have nice legs." The vine turned from green to red. It appreciated being appreciated. (Pun Count: 146) They follow the prints, but then lose them. Dolph carries them into the air to look, and they reach Cone's rim. They head inside it, where they find a vast sea. Everyone is loving on the beach. quote:Sport? Suddenly he realized that the activity consisted of couples summoning storks. Right in the open, splashing in the fringe of the water, in sight of all the other couples. There were children watching too. Apparently the process wasn't secret, on this world. Could there be a special license right by the shore? They find they can breathe water and head under the ocean, where Dolph carries them again. They find Cone Ida, who has a horse head and gills. She tells them that the Zombie Master went to her moon, Dumbbell, which Dolph mistakes for the word stupid somehow. (Pun Count: 147) She asks for their help before they go. quote:"On this world, folk live either on the outside, or the inside," Ida said "This is the inside, under the water. Our magic is so construed that only couples that straddle the two environments can summon the storkfish." (Pun Count: 147) quote:"In each case, babies are delivered to the couples. If the baby has lungs, it goes with the land parent. If it has gills, it goes with the sea parent But on rare occasion there is an error. That is the cause of my concern." On Cone, it seems babies appear within two days or there's an investigation. The problem is that the child in this case, Aurora, is not fit to live on Cone. quote:The door opened again, and a very shy girl swam out. Her eyes were downcast as if she was ashamed. It was hard to see why, as she was in her upper section a beautiful figure of a human female, and had a nice tail. She was a mermaid. She had red hair, brown eyes, and white wings. Dolph becomes a winged merman to make her feel better. quote:"It's my talent," Dolph said, balancing awkwardly on his tail. "I can assume any living form I want." Ida wants them to take Aurora with them, to somewhere she can fly and still live in water. She thinks that if some native creature would accept her spirit, she could be brought to Xanth. quote:"I saw a winged mermaid once," Dolph said. "At Chex's wedding on Mount Rushmost. But she has lungs." (Pun Count: 148) Ida mentions that something unhappy has been following them, and it turns out to be the blob from Castle Zombie. It is willing to become Aurora. quote:Aurora approached the blob She reached out one hand, tentatively. She touched it. "Oh, I like it," she said "It's just miserable because when the storkfish—I mean the stork—delivered it, it had not been shaped into a creature. It was left as it started, raw material. So its mother dumped it in the forest, throwing it away, where the zombies found it." She also finds she can form lungs, and heads back to Castle Zombie with the blob. They head on to Dumbbell, where they follow the prints. quote:They approached the house. There was Ida, exercising in her garden She was human rather than crossbreed, but was remarkable in another way she was massively muscular In fact she was lifting solid hand weights that were shaped exactly like the planet itself. They're an hour behind Jonathan, who went to her moon, Pincushion. quote:"Oh that's right, you are from another world. I don't know how magic works there but here it is directly related to physical strength. So we all are concerned about our development." She heaved the weights over her head, showing massive arm muscles. (Pun Count: 149) They head on, following the prints, but there is no fast way to travel. quote:"I'll ask around," Dor said He faced down. "Hey pin what's the best and fastest way to travel along you?" (Pun Count: 152) They travel via sneezes, finding Ida, who sends them on to Spiral, where Jonathan went half an hour ago. They find the next Ida, who sends them to Tangle, 15 minutes after the Zombie Master. They decide to just go for the center. quote:"Let's try the center first," Dor suggested "That's where Ida is likely to be, so is where he'll be going, as this obviously isn't a zombie world." Dolph flew in to the center, where the worst tangle was. Sure enough, there was a nice little house, and the footprints led up to it. He landed, and they approached. This Ida looked heavyset, as if she had eaten too much pasta. "You missed your friend by five minutes," she said. "Go on after him on Motes." They go hunting and find Jonathan. HJe has no idea what's going on with the zombies, and explains how he plans to find a zombie world and let the zombies dream their way there, since zombies can sleep as long as they like. quote:"I certainly hope to. There seems to be an endless chain of worlds, and since they embrace all the realms of maybe, one is bound to be suitable. I mean to locale it, mark it, and establish a direct route to it. Then most of the zombies can get to it within a couple of days." So they leave, having accomplished nothing in three loving chapters. Pun Count: 152 by the end of Chapter 6.
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Jan 25, 2014 03:23
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Those layers of moonworld are just the most shameless filler chapters I ever did see.
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Jan 25, 2014 06:06
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Lottery of Babylon posted:At this point I'm barely even skimming. What was the last book that couldn't be summarized as "assholes wander around the Xanth countryside rolling on the random pun encounter table for fourteen chapters, then after the last random pun they suddenly get married and the book ends"? I'm thinking it was... none of them at all?
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Jan 25, 2014 11:01
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Chapter 7. Breanna has headed inside to find the Gorgon rehearsing a nightmare role. Wira informs the Gorgon that Breanna needs protection, for she has to travel with Ralph.quote:"Ralph!" the Gorgon exclaimed indignantly "He's the one this dream is for. He is nasty, rude, scheming, selfish, stubborn, cruel, hateful, dirty, and generally reprehensible Why would anyone travel with him?" (Pun Count: 153) The Gorgon also gives her one of Wira's dresses. quote:"Meanwhile you are surely hungry," the Gorgon continued "I have some Gorgon-zola cheese." She lifted a plate from the table. (Pun Count: 154) quote:"I am serious about wearing that racket," the Gorgon said. "Ralph is the kind of jerk who doesn't pay much attention to the Adult Conspiracy." She is warned to never lose the racket. quote:"However, you could be abused slowly, so do not depend on it overmuch," the Gorgon said. "It is an emergency measure." Breanna prepares to sleep, and chats with Justin. He says that he was always single, as he was not handsome, and he wasn't very accomplished, which is why he was fine as a tree. quote:"It might have been nice, had a girl like you been interested," he said. "As it was, I did not have much to regret leaving." After sleeping, Breanna goes to dinner. Justin guides her in proper dinner etiquette. At dusk, Ralph arrives. quote:At dusk Ralph arrived. He was a slovenly-looking man in rumpled clothing and a sneer. "So where's this nymph I have to guide?" he demanded. And so on. quote:"So you can disappear in the darkness?" (Pun Count: 155) Ralph asks what Breanna's talent is, and she says she'll tell him if he tells her his. He claims he can't, as he came to Humfrey to get a talent. quote:"There more he learns of you, the better he will be able to exploit your weaknesses, so as to have his way with you." (Pun Count: 156) quote:He laughed, not nicely. "Few things are more appealing than a stupid girl. So have you decided, or do you need another hour?" (Pun Count: 157) quote:"Humfrey looked up with his fried-egg orbs and grumped, ‘I know why you're here, and I'm not going to help, so you might as well go away now‘ I was of course furious, with considerable justice. ‘I can think of only two reasons why you won't help me,' I informed him forth-rightly 'You are either jealous of my talent, or incapable of discovering it. Both choices show that you are nothing but a pretender and a fool!'." Breanna struggles, but Ralph won't let up. So she headbutts him. quote:He stared at her, but evidently decided to let things be for the moment. He didn't know about the protection racket; maybe he thought she had gotten in a lucky blow. So he might try again. But probably not right away. Meanwhile, she had truly verified the power of the racket. Now she felt safe. As long as she didn't cooperate, she could not be damaged. Breanna tells Ralph her story, and he says he doubts she'll be safe on the Isle of Women but won't say why unless she fucks him, which she won't. quote:They passed a hat rack with several nice hats just ripening. Intrigued, Breanna picked a nice black one with a white frill on the top resembling a cresting wave. "A black wave hat," she said, putting it on. It fit perfectly. (Pun Count: 158) Imbris shows up to tell them what Ralph's talent is. quote:The surroundings mostly disappeared, though she continued walking on automatic pilot, and Breanna's awareness devolved on drear Mundania. There was a region shaped like a new jersey, and a town, and a house. Inside the house was a family with a daddy, a mommy, an eight-year-old boy named Lija, and his sister Rachel, who was there for him to quarrel with. By day he had a smile nearly as bright as the sun, and things were great. But everything changed at night. They are all quite happy to learn that Ralph will be getting this but worse. quote:"The Good Magician has sent the Demoness Metria to see the Demon E(A/R)th. Humfrey knows the Demon will give any help needed to get rid of ant stray magic, because he hates having his realm polluted with fantasy. He will arrange for the family to receive tickets to Florida so Lija can go to the very spot that corresponds with Ralph's house in the North Village. Then the Demon E(A/R)th will exorcise the talent, and it will be driven back to its natural home in Xanth. In Ralph. He will have his wish." (Pun Count: 159) Ralph is overjoyed to hear that he'll get his talent, though Breanna doesn't mention what it is. They head on, and for some reason Breanna thinks Ralph might be okay if she told him no firmly enough? And Justin explains that she's naive. Justin convinces her to check if Ralph is spying on her when she pees. quote:"If I am correct, he will try to sneak a peek at you. Then you will know that you were not at fault when you struck him." She does the test, and he tries to peek. Justin explains that such sights excite men, because oh yeah what every man totally wants to see is a lady taking a piss. quote:"No, we've already been through that. Just don't comment. I'll pretend I'm alone." She found a place and squatted. "Anyway, you see through my eyes. If I don't look, you don't see right?" Breanna tells Justin that, of course, he was right and also that perhaps the Adult Conspiracy was not entirely evil, just mostly so. She decides that it must be reformed, not abolished. quote:"All my life, as a man and as a tree, I have been a sensible, principled individual. That has turned out to be supremely dull. You in contrast, proceed from one fascinating dilemma to another. As an adventure, it is marvelous." Also, he thinks she's hot. They arrive at a beach. quote:"How do I get to it? I wouldn't care to try to swim out there." (Pun Count: 160) Ralph won't tell her how to use it unless she fucks him. She won't. quote:"I'm glad to be rid of him," she confided to Justin. "But he did get to me on that business about why the isle won't help me. I was almost tempted to let him touch me, and hope that the protection racket stopped him from going too far. But I wasn't sure it would protect me if I wasn't fighting—you know." They arrive at the dock, and Breanna decides to nap until the boat arrives. Justin wakes her to tell her that Ralph is sneaking around. He tries to rape her. quote:Breanna did it without even thinking. She brought up one foot and planted it in his belly, while clamping her hands on his hands so that he couldn't move them away. Never mind where his hands were: they would be gone soon enough. Then she shoved hard with that anchored foot. It was an adaptation of the stomach throw, that she had learned as a child in a Mundanian judo class. It was performed when Tori, the thrower, was on his back, and Uki, the throwee, was standing or leaning over. Just like this; it was a perfect defense for a girl on her back. She knew she was showing an awful lot of bare leg, but he wasn't in any position to gawk. Ralph lands in the boat, which sets off despite the Isle of Women not being currently present. quote:"Yes. And when the isle isn't there, the boat just goes right on, looking for it. So it really is going nowhere fast." Breanna settles in now and heads back to sleep. Pun Count: 160 by the end of Chapter 7.
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Jan 27, 2014 03:41
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Good. loving. God. Good. loving. God. Good. loving. GOD. This is absolutely vile. Edit: Okay, this is kind of empty content - but I really cannot think of any coherent answer that isn't wishing grievous harm on Piers Anthony. Robindaybird fucked around with this message at 05:22 on Jan 27, 2014 |
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Jan 27, 2014 05:20
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I really wish he'd stop trying to write about rape. Or sex in general. Or race relations. Or gender relations gently caress it I wish he'd just stop writing.
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Jan 27, 2014 06:33
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Chapter 8. Dor wakes up in Castle Zombie.quote:Dor put his feet on the floor and stood up. Actually this was no worse than orienting on another dream world. This just happened to be the real one. Or was it? Could the Land of Xanth be on a globe or other shape orbiting the head of some giant Ida? The notion was mind boggling, so he set it aside. They now have to get Aurora settled, and Millie gives them the jar of sleep spell. quote:They went to the other chamber. There was Aurora, sitting on the edge of a wooden tub, soaking her tail in water. She was of course beautifully bare. (Pun Count: 161) quote:"What happened to them during the Time of No Magic?" They find a river with some merfolk and approach. quote:They approached the river. The head of a lion popped from the water, spied them and roared. (Pun Count: 162) quote:"The sea lions aren't dangerous if you don’t invade their territory," Dor said to Aurora. "But you have to watch out for the ant lions. They can pursue you on land." (Pun Count: 163) quote:"We have uncle lions on Cone," Aurora replied "They’re really fierce." They walked downstream to the pool. There were no merfolk showing. (Pun Count: 164) The mermaids introduce themselves once assured that Dolph is not a real dragon. They are Ash, Cedar and Mahogany and we are assured they all have giant tits and slim waists. The mermaids hit on them, then direct them to Mount Rushmost, where the winged mermaid Erica lives. quote:"She has a portable pool table for her tail," Mahogany said. (Pun Count: 165) A surly man named BB shows up. quote:"He has the talent of bad breath," Cedar said "If he breathes on you, your own breath gets stinky awful." Dor quickly turned away from BB. Then Dolph changed, and they boarded, and flew up. "Well, no wonder!" Cedar exclaimed "Look how he's holding her." (Pun Count: 166) quote:"But we can do that too," Mahogany said. "Just as bouncily too." (Pun Count: 167) quote:She laughed, which really bounced her attributes "Not brass ears, Brassieres. Clothed girls use them, if they need to. At least they do on Cone." (Pun Count: 168) ...but there's no money in Xanth. quote:"Oh. Is there a version for poor girls? I might try that." She bobbed in place, banging his arm some more. They arrive at Rushmost and find three lady centaurs, some girl with dragon wings and Erica. quote:There was a small gathering of winged monsters on the plateau. They were all female. Three were winged centaur fillies, another was a girl with reptilian wings, and another was—yes!—a winged mermaid. The group of them stood beside a living room that retreated as it saw the strange group descending. Living rooms were comfortable, but more nervous than inanimate rooms. The ladies were holding sun glasses, and those cups of light really brightened the premises. (Pun Count: 170) quote:The dragon landed at the edge beside a patch of flowers. Dor recognized the larger ones as maxi mums, and the small ones as mini mums. They would make those who sniffed them correspondingly large or small. So, like most of Xanth's plants, they were best left alone unless a person really understood their nature. (Pun Count: 172) The girls are annoyed, since the meeting is for winged girls only, but once Aurora is introduced they agree to let the men go with only minor penalties. The centaur is Karla Centaur, who was transformed from a human, and the dragon-girl is Serena, who was born from a love spring. quote:Karla indicated another winged centaur. "This is Chea Centaur. She was rescued from a tangle tree by Che Centaur. Her folks were from the gourd realm, so she gave him a gourd-style apology for taking his time, and he turned bright red and flew away. It seemed he misconstrued her intentions." And one more winged centaur. "This is Sharon Centaur, transformed from human to help shore up the new species, but she's still learning the nuances of centaurism." And the winged mermaid. "This is Erica, one of the few of her kind. We are here visiting the virgini tree and discussing ways to avoid it in the future. We think maybe the lips plants will help." (Pun Count: 173) quote:"Lips plants?" Dor asked blankly. (Pun Count: 174) quote:Karla indicated a patch of plants in pretty colors. "I'll show you." She picked a flower. It looked like a bright red pair of lips. She touched it to his face, and the lips kissed him. "This is a two-lips plant. The others are more potent: the three-lips, four-lips, or five-lips. We have to take good care of them, because when a lips plant dies, it becomes a zombie plant which sucks the soul from unwary travelers, called lip-o-suction." (Pun Count: 179) quote:"That sounds almost as bad as the banana cream pie tree, which creams anyone who picks its pies," Dolph remarked. "Not all plants are friendly." (Pun Count: 180) The penalty, of course, is that each man must be kissed. quote:Her lips touched his—and his head seemed to explode. As the dust cleared he found himself sitting on the ground, heart-shaped clouds dissipating around him, and ebbing waves of delight spreading across his face. He was unhurt; in fact it had been a remarkably pleasant experience. He looked around, and saw Bink and Dolph sitting similarly, and looking similarly dazed. (Pun Count: 181) They leave Aurora with the girls. quote:The three men backed away. "Thank you, once was enough," Dor said politely. He tripped over a couch potato he hadn't seen, and landed flat on the couch. At least its pillows were better than the hard ground. (Pun Count: 182) quote:Dolph transformed to the dragon, and they quickly boarded. He flew off the brink and was immediately high in the air. But his flight seemed somewhat unsteady, and that made Dor nervous. That lip bomb hadn't worn all the way off yet; his mouth felt outsize. "Maybe we should pause for a drink of water before flying home," Dor suggested. (Pun Count: 183) quote:A cute little fire-breathing puppy came bounding along the bank. Every time it barked, another little puff of fire and smoke came out. Then a catfish lifted its head from the river and hissed. Dor nodded; he loved seeing natural creatures playing. (Pun Count: 184) They have a problem, though: the kiss somehow removed their memory of where their home is. They decide it's not harmful since it affected Bink, too. Dolph thinks it wasn't the lip bomb - that would've worn off by now. They examine the stream. quote:A dark suspicion enveloped Dor. Suspicions cruised around like invisible blobs, and when they caught a person, they were awful to get rid of. "This stream—where does it flow from?" For it occurred to him that the firedog and catfish might not have been playing. They might have been trying to warn folk away from the river, too late. (Pun Count: 185) It is a tributary of Lethe, and that water makes you forget what was spoken of. They'd talked about going home. They decide to get an aerial look at Xanth to jog their memories, and decide against using reverse wood in case it makes the water do something other than enhance memory. A rock tells them this stream heads to the Forest of Forgetfulness, which no one remembers, so it doesn't get advertised. quote:"There's the Gap Chasm," Bink remarked. "I remember the first time I encountered that, just after I met Chameleon. I had to go down and cross on the bottom, where the Gap Dragon roamed. I met Donald the Shade, and kissed his wife and told her where the silver oak was." (Pun Count: 186) They also spot Roogna, which they do remember, just not as home. quote:"Wherever it is," Bink agreed. He peered again "There's the Isle of View, where Dolph was married." (Pun Count: 187) They decide to find someone to direct them. quote:"I agree." So Dolph flew downward, and found a landing spot near the west coast. He settled beside a large envelope—which suddenly sprouted antlers and feet and bounded away. (Pun Count: 188) They find a man who can pull things from books. (He demonstrates by pulling out a scarlet pimpernel flower.) But he shoos them off. The man, for some reason, thinks his power is useless. They then find a woman doing the same dance over and over. quote:She never paused. "It's supposed to repeat, idiot," she replied witheringly. "It's a re-done-dance." (Pun Count: 189) They find another person, demonstrating Dor's talent. quote:That seemed to be persuasive. "And I am your lowly rebellious subject, Phil Istine," the man replied "What do you want from me?" (Pun Count: 190) He will help them, but only for a favor. quote:"Well, you see my talent is molding things into other things, like this " Phil moved his hands over the rock, and it became a loaf of bread. He bit a chunk from it and chewed, showing it was real. (Pun Count: 191, isles of woe?) They agree to the deal and fly off to the shore, where an island appears. quote:The trees seemed to be covered by vines. "Those look like bo-vines," Bink remarked. "And I see cow pies on the ground." (Pun Count: 192) quote:"Maybe those are bull pies," Dor said. "There's a bull sleeping nearby." (Pun Count: 193) quote:A flock of ungainly birds spooked as Dolph landed on the beach. They had the heads of cows. In a moment a swarm of flies with the heads of bulls took off after them. (Pun Count: 195) quote:Frogs with the heads of bulls snapped up the flies as they passed. Bullfrogs, obviously. (Pun count: 196) quote:Several men came running down that path. But they had the heads of cows. "And here come the cowboys," Dolph added. "With their bulldogs." Indeed, the dogs were bullheaded. (Pun Count: 198) quote:"This is udder nonsense," Dor said, disgusted. (Pun Count: 199) quote:One of the cowboys stepped into a bully pulpit and lifted a bullhorn to his mouth. "MOOOOO!" it cried. "We have a bulletin." (Pun Count: 202) quote:The three kings retreated. This clearly wasn't the Isle of Women. In fact it wasn't even one of the Isles of WO, because these were all bovines. (Pun Count: 204) They realize these must be the Isles of BO. (Pun Count: 205) They head on, finding a sign for CO. (Pun Count: 206) Then DO, EO, FO, and GO. (Pun count: 210) They skip ahead to WO. They fly to the island. quote:This one was heavily wooded with everblue, everyellow, and evergreen trees. A thick forest extended from beach to beach, and there were wood thatched houses nestled under the trees. They landed on the beach, which appeared to be composed of sawdust rather than sand. They approached the nearest house, walking along a wooden boardwalk. Dor knocked on the wooden door. (Pun Count: 213) quote:It opened, and a wooden man stood there. His body was formed of polished planks, the limbs fastened by wooden pegs. Wooden eye lets peered at them "What?" he inquired somewhat woodenly. His jaw had a wooden hinge. (Pun Count: 214) quote:"Is this the Isle of Women?" Dor inquired. (Pun Count: 215) They conclude that it is the Isle of Wood. They try to work out how many islands there must be if each is only around fo an hour per day, but they are lovely at counting and can't. quote:"Worse," Dor agreed. "Somewhere else there must be Isles of WA, WE, and WI. Xanth must be much bigger than we thought." (Pun Count: 218) They head to the next island - the Isle of Wool. Then on to the Isle of Woe. Then the Isle of wombats. Then the Isle of Word and Work. quote:The next turned out to be a huge worm, coiled into island shape. But the one after that was worse, the Isle of Worse. Then there was one whose beach was composed of precious stones of every type, the Isle of Worth. And one that was so marvelous that they stood and gazed at it in wonder the Isle of Wonder. (Pun Count: 228) quote:At last they returned to the sign on the mainland. "There just seem to be more islands than we can fathom," Dor said, dispirited. "I'm sure that any of them are worth appreciating on their own terms, but how will we ever find the one we want? There may be hundreds, and the Isle of Women may appear and fade while we are checking some other Isle of WO." They find Breanna's dock campsite, which is being approached by zombies. They ask the zombies where they live, but they're not smart enough to answer. quote:"Yooo lvze. I lvzng deadth." She gestured to her two companions. "Zeeze Dee." (Pun Count: 230) They get the zombies to go home to find the zombie world, and the zombies leave. They find Breanna, but realize they can't wake her because the only to awaken sleeping pretty girls is a kiss, and they're all married. Because that's the only way. quote:Dor studied the girl's face. "Yes, she reminds me of Irene when she was that age, with the appealing health and vigor of youth." So they decide to just camp out until Breanna wakes herself up. Pun Count: 230 by the end of Chapter 8. Mors Rattus fucked around with this message at 22:29 on Feb 4, 2014 |
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Feb 4, 2014 16:06
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I am sick of the word "Attributes"
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Feb 4, 2014 22:21
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So, uh, yeah, I have some bad news. I was at a book shop the other day, and I glanced across the Piers Anthony books and saw something that immediately filled me with dread. One of the upcoming books is called Jumper Cable. I tried to tell myself that it was just a title, probably had nothing to do with one of his few tolerable characters, but no, the tagline: "A stalwart spider leads a bevy of beauties on a desperate quest to rescue the magical land of Xanth, in the Xanth series' 33rd adventure." The one bit of goodwill this series has left, brothers and sisters, and it seems not long for this world.
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Feb 11, 2014 20:06
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JackMann posted:So, uh, yeah, I have some bad news.
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Feb 11, 2014 20:22
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Chapter 9. Breanna is awakened by Justin, who warns her about three men approaching. Justin soon recognizes the trio as Bink, Dor and Dolph. Breanna decides to fake waking up, and Justin learns that Bink has been youthened. Dor asks Breanna about the Isle of Women, and she explains to them about the zombies. They agree to help Breanna avoid Xeth. Some zombies approach, and Dolph carries two of them off while Bink and Dor try to stall the next two. They try to talk the zombies into leaving, but the zombies are too dumb. Justin spots the Isle appearing, and the group jumps into the boat as the zombies appear en masse. The zombies stumble after them, and Breanna worries they will drown, but Justin explains that they can't.quote:Breanna was relieved. She was getting more insights into zombie nature than she had ever cared to have, but slowly the recognition that they were after all people of a sort was gaining ground. She could almost wish them well—if only they would leave her alone. Dropsy— what kind of a woman had she been, in life? What kind of a woman was she now, apart from her awful undead status? They wonder about how the boat propels itself, and Dor gets the boat to talk so Breanna can ask it. It turns out it has duck feet. quote:Breanna lifted one toot and stamped hard on the deck. The boat was silent. But she wrapped her skirt more closely about her legs, so that nothing was visible from below. The irony was that she was proud of the black underwear she wore, but she was not about to have a piece of wood think it was getting away with a sneak peek. The boat explains that only women and princes can come to the Isle of Women, which is entirely populated by women who want to marry princes and live out their lives in comfort. This does, however, mean that Xeth can follow Breanna personally. Bink suggests that the answer to Breanna's quest is on the Isle, but is not the Isle itself. Breanna explains why Justin is with her, and the boat meanwhile walks out of the water and takes them to an inland dock. They are met at the dock by a woman named Voracia, who is wearing furry shorts and a halter. She is very upset to learn the men are all married, and scolds the boat. She is oddly unsurprised by it talking. quote:Voracia was grim. "Well, you're here now. So you will simply have to provide three of us with princely husbands in lieu of you. Only when you have accomplished this will you be allowed to leave the Isle." Dor doesn't like that, but Voracia says the boat won't let them leave and they can't fly back, as they removed its interface with Xanth. Breanna explains to Voracia that the men were just trying to help her, and Voracia says that the zombie woman Zyzzyva can help. Breanna refuses to go near any more zombies, though. Voracia turns her attentions back on the men, to try and convince them to leave their wives. quote:Voracia gazed at him. "Not even if I show you my talent?" Breanna saves the men, and Voracia explains. quote:"But I was only showing my talent." the girl protested. "Which is to change my bra and panties to any style or substance." Her outfit turned into blue halter and shorts, then into striped tank top and slacks. "When I was a child, not so long ago, I thought I had no talent, because I didn't wear those particular items. Then one day—" Voracia flashes the men again. quote:"Oh." Voracia changed to a jacket top and heavy culottes. "I didn't realize. I've been so long on the Isle of Women, seeing no men, I just forgot. When he asked my talent, I just—I'm sorry." Voracia is then surprised when her shirt talks, so...I don't even know, why was she okay with the talking boat? quote:"I understand women try things on men, just to make sure they work," Justin said. "So it may be half innocent." Voracia explains the island. quote:"Here is how it works," Voracia said. "Every woman on this island intends to marry into royalty. Unfortunately there are many more of us than there are royal visitors, so we have set up a roster based on a complicated set of rules it would be tedious to elucidate. Those at the top of the list get the first choices, and as they get placed, others rise to take their places. So at present I am number one on the list. Thus I get to associate with the prospects, and to interview them, to see whether any are right for me." Moving on... quote:"Let's see that string again," the stone said. "I want to develop a String Theory." (Pun Count: 231) Two more women show up, much to Voracia's annoyance: D. Claire and Nefra Naga. (Pun Count: 232) Claire starts trying to seduce Dor, but Breanna stops her. Nefra knows the kings are married, actually - she attended Dolph's wedding. quote:"I was young. Nada's Aunt Nera fell in love with a human type guy named Nathan, and I'm their daughter Nefra. Because I am part human, I have a magic talent, along with the normal naga abilities. I have the talent of switching." (Pun Count: 232) quote:Nefra returned to Prince Dolph. "So you see, I have no designs on you or your father or grandfather. But if I am not your guide, I will be replaced by someone who does have such designs. So I thought it best to keep my place." They are taken to Breanna's new house, which the last woman to leave the island left vacant. quote:She opened the door and stepped out. And looked around, dismayed. The three kings were gone. Everyone was gone. That's when a zombie shows up, and Breanna locks herself in. Justin suggests that she may need to leave to save the kings, as the women may be able to seduce them eventually if they are kept perpetually freaked out. The zombie outside introduces herself as Zyzzyva. Breanna goes into hysterics until Justin talks her down and convinces her she's being bigoted. He offers to talk for her, since Breanna can't handle zombies. quote:"Thank you." The zombie woman stepped inside. She was in much better health than Breanna expected; her decay hardly showed. That meant she had been caught soon after dying. Zombies seemed always to be decaying, but actually remained as they were when zombied. That should mean, in turn, that her brain was pretty healthy too. Her clear speech suggested that. Justin confirms that her panties are, indeed, sexy. quote:Oh. Breanna pulled her eyeballs away. Obviously the panties were competent. They should have that much more effect on a zombie male. "Okay, the other part of it is how you act. You have to sort of look him in the eye and smile, and tell him how handsome he is. And if he grabs for you, the way men do—let him." They decide to help Zyzzyva practice. quote:The armored woman turned to face the intruder. "I am Zyzzyva. You are really handsome." At which point Xeth himself shows up. quote:There before him was Zyzzyva. She looked startled, but quickly recovered her military discipline. "Hello, handsome," she said, smiling. Breanna releases Xeth from betrothal and Zyzzyva drags him off to gently caress. Pun Count: 232 by the end of Chapter 9.
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Feb 19, 2014 19:13
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This chapter is the most compressed  I've seen since... okay, since, like, a couple of chapters ago. It's impressive how much skeezy gender role he can stuff into a few pages.
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Feb 19, 2014 21:49
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Alopex posted:This chapter is the most compressed As they say over in Debate & Discussion ... there is always more and it is always worse. I mean, I'm still trying to wrap my brain around the heroine being worried that the deck of a boat is going to look up her skirt, and there are at least half a dozen other wrong things waiting to be comprehended....
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Feb 19, 2014 22:30
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Chapter 10. Breanna has just gone into the house. The menfolk are waiting outside.quote:"We have something to show you," Voracia said. The men are dragged off towards "the retention pool." quote:He was tilted onto a cart and pushed still standing along the path, following the three exposed women. It was clear that this procedure had been carefully choreographed; there were no mistakes. Probably they had used it on other reluctant men. It was a system designed to see that no living prince escaped the island without being firmly married to one of its women. Orbs? Anyway, they explore and find that each is captured in their own invisible cell. Bink, obviously, is unworried because he can't be hurt. Voracia approaches him because she thinks he's the youngest. He refuses to renounce Chameleon quote:Her halter fuzzed into the bra, which of course it was all the time; only its appearance changed, to make it less evocative when she wished. Her short trousers remained. Thus her body was not completely compelling, but was a good deal more than indifferent. "There are certain things you must understand, Bink. No man leaves the Isle without marrying one of us; the only uncertainty is which one. If I am unable to persuade you, the others must have their turns. You will remain here until you accede to one. Your best course is to make an early agreement, so as not to be confined for a tedious period." Bink tries to resist as she gets closer, but there is magic that makes him weak. quote:She angled his head until she could kiss him. He tried to deny it, but the fact was that her lips were very nice. He was lucky that these women hadn't discovered lip bomb. After a moment she broke it off. "Now if you care to, we can adjourn to the bed, where I will delight you excruciatingly. Then you will be obliged to marry me, having by your action renounced your prior wife. That is really the easiest way to do it." Of course. his talent won't protect Dor or Dolph. Voracia threatens to take her panties off, then turns them into panties and freaks him completely, unable to move or speak. Despite the fact that he can't see them, just feel the change in fabric, as she's on his lap. She then has to leave because she ran out of time. Claire appears and drops Bink on his bed. quote:"Objection!" someone called. "Woman is not allowed to undress prospect. She has to persuade him to do it himself." Bink refuses, so she tries to make him grope her. quote:"Objection!" a voice cried. "She's not allowed to make him do that! He has to do it for himself." Bink is told that Breanna let him in and hasn't come out yet, so they assume things went well. Bink is quite mad. quote:"I love it when you show emotion," she said, and planted a fierce kiss on him. Jesus gently caress. She leaves. quote:In time she did. She was replaced by a more ordinary girl, fully and decorously clothed. "I am Loni," she said. "What color do you think my hair is?" (Pun Count: 233) quote:The next was Molly Coddle. "I just love children!" she said brightly. "I hope to get a dozen delivered." (Pun Count: 234) quote:"I am Lasha Lamia. I can create cloudstones." She demonstrated, forming a stone so light that it floated, yet was hard enough to use for construction. "I could help you build a nice, light castle, that you could pick up and move when you wanted a change of scenery." She leaned forward, showing the scenery inside her loose blouse. (Pun Count: 235) quote:The dog became a cat. "I told them you might like a pet feline. How do you like me? I am Catrana. I'll purr if you stroke me." (Pun Count: 236) quote:He stroked her, and she purred. (Pun Count: 239) quote:The next was tall, thin, and ugly. "I am Tipsy Troll. I know you won't like me, so I'll shut up for my time and give you a chance to rest." (Pun Count: 241) Bink gets the girls to lay off by telling them he thinks he has a way to get princes for all of them. He gets Tipsy to get the sleep potion. quote:She nodded. She left the chamber, and returned soon with Dor himself, and his woman of the moment: Davina. She looked, reasonably enough, like the neighbor woman. Then came Dolph, with his woman: Fiona. She looked like the girl next door. But surely she was old enough, or she wouldn't be here. (Pun Count: 243) They use the potion, heading to Ptero. quote:"Nobody wants to exchange favors with me anyway," Tipsy muttered Bink was to the right of the others and she was holding his right hand, so was at the end of the line. ...oh boy. quote:"We'll, I'd marry a prince if he wanted me But let's be realistic. If a regular man doesn't want me, why should a prince?" (Pun Count: 244) quote:Bink let go of her hand and touched her shoulder It was cold "I suppose that wouldn't make you comfortable to sleep beside," he said. (Pun Count: 245) quote:The ground of Ptero was now rushing up, and they had to concentrate on their landing But Bink continued to think about what he had learned Tipsy had a warm heart, which no one appreciated. She had already done him a favor by giving him time to think instead of constantly trying to seduce him. She wasn't pretty, but she would be good for any man who cared about character more than appearance. That was of course the problem he knew of no men like that. Even he himself liked Chameleon much better when she was beautiful than when she was smart. They go ask a tower covered in eyes about where to find princes. quote:"I am the Eye-full Tower," it replied "I see everything." (Pun Count: 246) quote:"I want to get rid of that club soda that lurks too close." (Pun count: 247) The soda clubs people. Tipsy freezes it. quote:Dolph changed into a bull dozer, perhaps inspired by the one they had seen on the Isle of Bovines, put down his horns, and pushed. The ice slid out of the hollow in one thick disk Dolph shoved it on across the landscape, until it went over a ridge and slid down the far side, away from the tower. (Pun Count: 248) They are told where to go, but there are comic strips on the way. Tipsy is gasping because her heart is too hot and her shoulder too cold. If she gets kissed, she'll be fine. Bink kisses her. quote:He kissed her. Heat flowed from her face to his, warming him throughout. It wasn't physical heat, but emotional warmth. Because her heart was hot. She needed release from the agony of unrequited warm-heartedness. They head on for their destination: Prince Town. (Pun Count: 249) They head into a comic strip. quote:They stepped onto the strip. There was a pretty flower in the shape of a stomach. "Oh, what a pretty posy!" Fiona said, learning forward to sniff it. (Pun Count: 249) quote:Fiona jerked her head back. "Thank you for the warning, cross dressers," she said. (Pun Count: 250) quote:Suddenly a swarm of bright red ants crossed in front of them. Wherever they stepped, fire broke out. "Those fire ants are ringing us with fire!" Dolph cried. (Pun Count: 251) quote:They retreated—and fell with several splashes into a foul pond of soapy water. "What is this?" Dor demanded as he struggled to get out of it. (Pun Count: 252) quote:There were even toys floating in the dirty water. Bink grabbed one that was in the shape of a word: LET. It was attached to a string that disappeared into the murky depths. "What are you?" he asked. (Pun Count: 253) Bink flushes it, getting rid of the hogwash. quote:They looked for a way to climb out of the empty pool. Dolph felt among several disks that were perched near the edge. "Quit that, you bleepity bleep!" a disk swore villainously. It was of course a disk cuss. (Pun Count: 254) quote:Fiona found a way that led through another pool, one that had not drained. But she hesitated to try it. A number of small bug-like creatures floated in it. "What are you?" she asked it. (Pun Count: 255) quote:"Those are sep tics!" Bink said, recognizing them. "They live in sludgy bays. They'll suck out our minds in the filthiest way." (Pun Count: 256) quote:They finally found a shallow section and helped each other out. Here there were a number of elastic loops. Whenever someone picked one up, it played music. Since they were easy to pick up—they stuck to shoes and clothing—soon there was a discordant medley. "I hate rubber bands," Dor muttered. (Pun Count: 257) quote:Bink came up against a clump of big-leafed plants. They bore fruit that hung down and pointed up. "Eat me!" the fruit begged. (Pun Count: 258) quote:Meanwhile Fiona had brushed a huge toad. "Oooo, I'm going to fight the whole world!" she cried, looking for a weapon. (Pun Count: 259) quote:Tipsy saw a nice-looking pillow. "Maybe I'll sit on that and rest," she said. (Pun count: 260) quote:The far side of the comic strip was close. They lunged for it, but a nasty little canine creature growled and menaced them. "Pay no attention to it," Dolph said. "That's a pet peeve. My sister Ivy used to have them all the time." (Pun Count: 261) quote:"We need to get cleaned up," Fiona said. "I see a pool over there." (Pun Count: 262) quote:They considered the well. "What kind of well are you?" Dor asked it. (Pun Count: 263) Which turns things to gold. quote:Then Bink saw a big bow. It had huge pretty colorful loops of ribbon, and several big arrows. "I believe that's a rain bow," he said. "That should do it." (Pun Count: 264) They find a corntent to change in. (Pun Count: 265) They clean off via the rain bow's arrows, which make rain. They fly over the next comic strip, thank God, and reach Prince Town. Now they have to figure out how to let the girls marry the men, since they can't reach Ptero physically. quote:She smiled sadly. "But you can't marry me, even if you wanted to. So forget it. Here is my notion: maybe we don't need to have the realms overlap. All we need is to have plenty of that dreaming potion, so the women of the Isles can visit Prince Town whenever they want. They can marry princes here, and do whatever they want with them, and when they want to rest, they can simply wake up and be where no man can bother them. Most of them would appreciate that, though they wouldn't say so in mixed company." They work it out and head back with Tipsy. (Davina and Fiona have found princes to gently caress.) quote:They woke in the retention pool. Davina and Fiona remained asleep. But Tipsy was able to make the report. "In short," she concluded, "every woman can have a prince in a dream marriage, without leaving the Isle. The princes are eager to meet all of you. All you need is the sleep potion and a place to lie down." They decide to send Tipsy to Phil Istine. You remember that guy? He exists. Tipsy agrees to marry him, and they decide to arrange that when they leave. Breanna shows up and everyone is fine now. Pun Count: 264 by the end of Chapter 10.
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Feb 19, 2014 23:02
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... gently caress
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Feb 19, 2014 23:08
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What is there even to say Y'know, I distinctly remember thinking as a youngin' that Faun & Games was grosser than this book, which mostly just felt boring, but after seeing these passages again I may have to reassess that opinion.
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Feb 20, 2014 04:08
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Chapter 11 opens with Breanna telling the others that she can leave with them, and introduces herself to Tipsy. She and Justin talk about how it seems like almost time for him to leave, since she's escaped Xeth.quote:"I guess." But she was dissatisfied. "Justin, I know you have had enough of teenage girls by now." Breanna asks him to stay longer. quote:"You are not merely being polite? The Good Magician did say a year, or until we mutually agreed to end it, but of course I would not hold you to such a term." They head back to the duck-foot boat, and Tipsy explains that while it goes back and forth once a day automatically, Voracia can send it back whenever she likes. quote:They sat down to wait for Voracia. And while they rested, they exchanged stories. Justin's surmise turned out to be correct: the women had pulled a dastardly stunt, and only some good breaks and good thinking had gotten them out of it. Exactly as it had been for Breanna herself. Voracia stops by, sending them back. Breanna asks the kings if she can tag along with them, and they agree. They find some zombies waiting at the dock. Breanna decides to finally confront this. quote:"No, I'm tired of running from problems." Breanna walked boldly up to the nearest zombie. "Hello. I'm Breanna, the one you've been chasing. But you can go home now, because your King Xeth has found love with Zyzzyva Zombie instead, and will marry her. They'll be returning here in a day or two, I think. Do you understand?" We also learn that the boat's name is Para, between the docks. (Pun Count: 265) They decide, however, to go fetch something before seeing Phil Istine: lip bomb. Yeah, we're going back to that. quote:"We are looking for Karla, Sharon, or Chea Centaur," Dor said. "Or Serena girl." Just a reminder about how names work in Xanth. They get the lip bomb, but are required to demonstrate it for Breanna nad Tipsy. quote:King Dor looked at the girls. "I don't know—" But Breanna was curious. "Sure one of you can kiss me," she said. "I'll know you don't mean it, so it's no violation of the Adult Conspiracy, if that matters." They tell the girls about the upcoming wedding and promise to try to get them invites. quote:The centaur frowned. "That's not exactly the way it is done." Then they head back to Phil. quote:Phil's eye fell on Breanna. "A black beauty," he said. "But isn't she about three years young?" After that, Phil is happy to accept the deal. quote:"Okay, you'll do," Phil said. Then he glared at King Dor. "But still, she's a troll. That's only half a loaf. So I'll give you half a loaf in exchange: I'll just tell you who else knows where you live. Go to the king of the werewolves, in the Isle of Wolves." Tipsy gives Breanna a bit of lip bomb for later, and Para takes them to the Isle of Wolves. quote:"Suppose Phil mistreats her?" she asked Bink. "I mean, some men are brutes." Bink then explains to Breanna that this probably isn't all coincidence, because his talent is that he can't be harmed by magic. He's shocked that he can tell her, but that means she needs to know. quote:"Suppose a dragon chomps you? That's pretty direct, and you'd need direct protection." Funny, didn't it used to be that he'd not be safe against a purely physical threat like that? Or is that just swords and not innately magical beings? Bink demonstrates his talent - Breanna can push him into the water, but not use the protection racket to hit him. quote:"Okay," she said dubiously. She aimed a blow at his nose, but pulled her punch without touching him. "Bink, there's nothing stopping me. I can't do this to you." She tries again, to be sure. quote:A large soft ball flew between them. Her fist punched into it, and it pressed against Bink's face, cushioning the blow so that he wasn't hurt. Where had the ball come from? (Pun Count: 270) quote:"I believe that we were required to interact," Bink said. "There must be some devious magical threat to my well-being, so my talent is acting to turn it aside by seeming coincidence. So it put us together, and is keeping us together. This adventure is clearly not yet finished." They try to figure out what the threat is. Bink reasons that it must have to do with why he was youthened. They make landfall. quote:"That's the Isle of Wolves," the boat said. It moved to shore, waddled onto the beach, and stopped. "King Wolverton's den is down that path." (Pun Count: 271) quote:"Thank you," King Dor said as they disembarked. "I hope our trade of conveyances was worthwhile for you." They head in. quote:Suddenly a wolf appeared. Its fur was metallic. It screeched to a stop when it saw them; the squeal came from its four paws scraping along the ground. Then it became a man. He was furry enough on the body to remain fairly decent. "Who are you, and what do you want here?" he demanded. (Pun Count: 272) quote:Soon they came to a hill. A sign labeled it Wolverton Mountain. This was evidently the home of the king wolf. Wolverton demands a service to reveal where Castle Roogna is, however. quote:"You can talk my son Jeremy into doing his duty and starting training to assume the kingship when I pass on to that great other hunting ground." (Pun Count: 273) They find Jeremy and ask him to talk, but he is too apathetic. Breanna kisses him, and a bit of lip bomb remained, so he wakes the hell up. He asks her her age, but decides 15 is too young to be his mate. quote:"I'm nobody's ideal mate, and least of all yours. I've already been through all that with one king. What kind of a girl do you think I am?" Jeremy assumed wolf form and stared at her. Then he returned to human form. "I think you are an assertive runaway from your home village, with the talent of seeing in blackness, and a tree in your mind." See, Jeremy can read minds while he's a wolf. But not when he's a person. The reason he doesn't want to train to be king is a curse. quote:"I doubt it. But you might as well know. When I was young I roamed out from the isle, across the continent of Xanth, heedless of anything. I had no fear of monsters, because I could read their minds, and evade them before they could close on me. So I was somewhat reckless, and I fear in retrospect, at times obnoxious." (Pun Count: 275) quote:"The curse fiends all have the same talent they can blast a hole in the ground or kill trees or blow people into oblivion with their curses." Why does Breanna have to be told that? The Blackwave settled right on their lake. quote:"This wasn't a normal curse. She was one of their ranking people, and had perfected a worse curse." Breanna explains the issue to the kings. quote:The werewolf, back in human form, nodded agreement. "I have looked everywhere, but found no perfect woman. Oh, there have been many who expressed interest in me, but when they did, I know they were not the one. They just wanted to be princesses or queens. I want the one who will love me for what I truly am, not caring about my status. I must find her before she passes twenty one, or lose her forever. And I can't find her." Jeremy agrees to go back to kingship training if he can get the perfect girlfriend. He just needs true love to have ambition. The kings decide Breanna has to be the main helper here, as the only woman. quote:"Oh. Well, I'll do my best." She addressed Jeremy again. "Now this perfect woman is foreign. That means she's not a werewolf?" Breanna decides to assume that his ideal girlfriend is human, or at least can be, because she has no idea how to impress anyone else. She gets Jeremy to hide his crown and be just any werewolf. quote:"Perhaps you should be a woman passing by, and he tries to impress you." King Dor suggested. (Pun Count: 276) quote:"My fault, I guess, for using a Mundane term. I meant a date, as in boy and girl go somewhere together and do something fun together." They ask about places to go on the Isle of Wolves. quote:"Well, there's the quandary." (Pun Count: 278) quote:Breanna made a gesture as of tearing her hair. "None of this will do. We'd better stick to boy-girl. Suppose we just walk around in a circle and make interesting conversation?" Breanna tells him to focus on appearance. quote:"I don't mean me personally! I mean any woman. You have to compliment her. You have to scratch for nice things to say about her. If she's got distinctive features, you notice them. Whatever they are. Even if they're really not much. Now try noticing me." loving experts at talkign to ladies, these guys. quote:"Okay, Jeremy, if there's awkward silence, and you can't think of anything else, talk about the weather. Not bad weather; interesting weather." Pun Count: 278 by the end of Chapter 11.
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Mar 4, 2014 18:15
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Well that's the lamest most convoluted non-curse I've seen to date.
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Mar 5, 2014 01:11
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Chapter 12 stars Dolph, for a given definition of starring. He is bored by this whole business with Jeremy, so he goes exploring as a bird. He spots Para bringing Jenny Elf and Sammy to the island. Clearly she has been sent to find and bring them back. Thus, they'll be able to go home whenever, without jumping through these hoops.quote:He was going to fly down and introduce himself, as Jenny was his friend. Then he thought of something: Jenny could be their ingenue! She was female, and of age, and didn't know what they were doing. So he had better not tell her anything; he would warn the others, and thus give Jeremy some real practice. Of course. Bink assures Dolph that it would not be ethical to leave without getting Jeremy a girlfriend, and they all decide Jenny will be a great practice subject. quote:"Is that fair?" Breanna asked. "To put one of your friends in that position?" Potential assholitude of the decision brought up and swiftly dismissed! Breanna heads to bed, while Dolph watches over Jeremy and Jenny. Jenny comes to see the trio, telling them that they have to come back for wedding rehearsals. quote:"We will, soon," Dolph said, "But right now we have something else to do. Would you mind waiting with Jeremy?" he gestured to the werewolf, who looked tongue-tied. They explain about the Lethe water. quote:The three of them walked on, leaving Jenny with Jeremy. As soon as they went around a bend in the path. Dolph became an invisible winged man and looped back. He had always been able to change forms, but as he had grown older and gained experience, his talent had broadened and deepened, until now he could do much more. For example, he had learned to assume other human forms, so that he could make himself more handsome or muscular, or smarter. He seldom did it, because Electra liked him just the way he was natural, but he could do it when he had reason. Now he had reason: he wanted to retain his full human intelligence, which could get cramped in small-headed bird form, yet be able to move silently without leaving footprints. So this form was good for that, and he would change it when he needed to. Dolph pushes Jeremy to compliment Jenny, and he mentions that he likes her glasses. Which she says are nothing special and worn because she needs them, which...invalidates it? I guess? He then says he likes her hands, but he wasn't paying close enough attention to notice she only has four fingers. Jeremy explains that he's trying to learn how to impress women because of his curse. He also mentions that he's a werewolf, which Jenny is delighted by. quote:"Well, I did back home. But I never met any wolves here in Xanth. so I couldn't ride. Anyway, it isn't as if I could ride just any wolf." We don't get the explanation that Jeremy does, though, he just suddenly gets it. He finds her origins exotic and neat, but she downplays it. Jeremy offers to let her ride him, so she does. They run around for a while. quote:Jenny turned and hugged him around the neck and shoulders. Then she drew back, abashed. "Oh! I forget you had changed form. Hugging wolves is natural, but—" Jeremy explains, and Jenny offers to help because she loved the ride. quote:"Oh, thank you, Jenny. This will help a lot." He paused, looking down at his feet again. "I'm sorry I was so clumsy. I mean, complimenting your hands when I hadn't even really seen them. But I do think they are nice hands." I really get the sense that Jeremy wears a fedora. They head back to the others, while Jeremy explains about Breanna. Sammy has vanished, and Jeremy reasons...well, pulls out of his rear end that Sammy must be with Breanna. The others are surprised to see Jenny riding Jeremy, and it turns out that Sammy is indeed sleeping next to Breanna. She wakes up and greets Jenny - Justin knows her, though Breanna doesn't. quote:Breanna looked at Sammy, who was now stretching. "Yes. he joined me in a cat nap. He's good company." (Pun Count: 279) quote:"No, I'm okay. That nap will hold me for a while. I can sleep at night if I have to. We need to get Jeremy trained." Jeremy tries to compliment Jenny's ears, then notices after doing so that they're pointed. quote:"You're going to have to learn to notice things." Breanna said. "So you can make accurate compliments." Dolph becomes a wolf and wanders off. He learns that a zombie werewolf is coming to the island, and the wolves are preparing to repel it. Dolph heads back to tell the others. quote:"I think you're getting it," Breanna was telling Jeremy. "But Jenny's right; she's not right, because she sees you as a wolf prince." Yeah, we all can see where this is going. But not yet. Dolph explains about the zombie werewolf, which pisses Breanna off. quote:"The zombies have a right to exist too," Breanna said hotly. "So they're a bit different from others, so's everybody. I'm black, Jenny's an elf, you're a shape changer—we're all different in our special ways. They should let it come here." They go see Wolverton, with Dolph carrying Breanna through the air while flying. (He became a winged man.) quote:She looked around. "Oh. this is as much fun as flying in that duck boat! Just don't drop me." The wolves are shocked that Breanna would defend a zombie, especially since they want to handle this privately. quote:"Yes! Somebody's got to. All they want to do is get along, and they're not bad folk. They can be useful too. Suppose a gruesome monster invaded the isle, and it killed any of you who tried to stop it? A zombie can't be killed. A zombie could fight that monster, or maybe disgust it so it went away. That's why they have zombies to defend Castle Roogna. You should welcome that zombie werewolf!" Breanna approaches the zombie. quote:"Hello," Breanna said as the wolf got out of the boat. "Welcome to the Isle of Wolves. Will you defend it against all enemies, including gruesome monsters?" Dolph tells Breanna about the Zombie Master and Millie, who are getting old, and how they usually speak for the zombies. She wonders who will replace them as the spokesmen for the undead. They're gonna need a living one, after all. Breanna decides that she wants to meet the Zombie Master or Millie, so Dolph flies her off to Castle Zombie. They go inside, and Breanna is shocked to find the place is only rotten on the outside. Dolph intoduces her to Millie and Jonathan, and Jonathan explains that he found Planet Zombie. quote:"Well, I finally managed to locate Planet Zombie," the Zombie Master said. "It is well along in the chain, but most of its creatures and plants are zombies, and its rocks are well eroded. Now Millie and I will be able to retire there, together with any zombies who wish to come. I believe that the majority will. But there remains one problem." Humfrey promised to work on finding a prospect, but so far, no luck. quote:"Yes, it is not an easy search." the Zombie Master said. "The man must have maturity, yet be young enough to remain for some time. The woman must be sensible enough to accept the presence of zombies. Age and youth combined." Breanna tours the castle, and Dolph talks to Jonathan about Stigma and how Breanna kissed him. Jonathan is impressed. quote:"She must be more of a person than she looks." Neither one has any idea who the wedding that started this all is for. Dolph explains about Jeremy and the curse and why they can't go home yet, and Jonathan agrees that it's a terrible curse. quote:"I understand that the Curse Fiend Woman who made it was really angry. She wanted him to truly suffer, and she succeeded." They stay to have a snack with Millie once Breanna returns, then head back. quote:"To fly at night, I must assume another form," Dolph said "It may not be as comfortable for you." (Pun Count: 280) They spot Xeth and Zyzzyva on their way back, then land at the Isle of Wolves. quote:They reached the Isle of Wolves, which did not seem to fade out the way the other isles did. Maybe they could relate to it because other members of their party were there. It would have been real mischief, otherwise! Dolph glided in for a landing near the grove set Breanna down, and changed back to manform. 'poo poo, I forgot that was how these islands worked, uh...here, we'll just bring it up and assure people that this one is special.' They head back to the grove where everyone else is and head to bed. Pun Count: 280 by the end of Chapter 12.
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Mar 5, 2014 22:40
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Wow yeah Jeremy could not be any more obviously tailor-made for Jenny could he. He's a telepathic wolf, she has a uterus, it is a match made in heaven. And the worst part is that this is by no means the most half-assed romance he's written.
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Mar 6, 2014 16:03
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When was the last book that had a plot other than "two characters wander around looking at puns until they fall in love"
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Mar 6, 2014 16:45
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Tezzor posted:When was the last book that had a plot other than "two characters wander around looking at puns until they fall in love"
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Mar 6, 2014 21:32
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Nihilarian posted:I... I don't remember... Source of Magic?
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Mar 7, 2014 04:10
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Roc and a Hard Place.
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Mar 7, 2014 06:53
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Chapter 13. Jenny is our star. She wakes up.quote:Today they had to find Jeremy's perfect woman, so he could be happy and focus on training for the werewolf kingship, and so the three kings could return to Castle Roogna and rehearse for their roles in the big wedding. The womenfolk, who paid much more attention to such things than menfolk did, were getting frantic. Jenny asks Sammy to find Jeremy's True Love, but Sammy just asks for belly rubs. I suspect he doesn't want to be involved in this plot any more than we do, and Jenny believes he doesn't give a poo poo. She then realizes that Jeremy could ask the Good Magician for help. Jeremy wakes up, and says that if they can't find his true love today, he will go to Humfrey. quote:"You're welcome. But maybe you'll be able to save that year, by finding her today. I understand there are many beautiful women on the Isle of Women." Then she thought of something. "But if they have all found dream princes now, maybe they won't be interested. Including your True Love, if she's there." Of course, there is the problem that men can't leave the Isle unmarried. They chat about the past chapters briefly. quote:Breanna looked suddenly stricken. "I just thought—suppose his ideal woman is on those dream worlds?" Jenny and Jeremy decide not to risk the Isle of Women so that Jeremy can't get trapped in a bad marriage. Breanna then demonstrates the use of lip bomb on Jenny. Para wanders in and tries to get them going. They end up deciding to go with it over Jenny's protests, and she has no idea why but gives up arguing. Jeremy for some reason decides this is okay despite his decision not a page before. They return and all the men immediately freak out at the crowd of mostly naked women. Voracia geets Breanna, who convinces her to wear normal clothing briefly. They decide to parade the women for Jeremy without getting out of the boat. (The women, see, want something for when they're not dreaming, so are still interested.) quote:"But that's not the way we operate," Voracia said. "We each must get our turn to fascinate him." (Pun Count: 282) quote:Jeremy's eyeballs began to steam. Breanna reached out to put her hand before his eyes. That broke his connection before the orbs were cooked. "Thank you," he gasped. (Pun Count: 283) quote:"I believe you," Jeremy said, surprised. (Pun Count: 287) quote:Jenny was surprised, and she saw that Jeremy was too. This was a different girl, and a different approach. "I don't know," the werewolf said. "Will you speak the words?" (Pun Count: 289) quote:"It's a useful skill." Jeremy said courteously. Which I guess implies that Voracia is not, in fact, a person, just a woman? Meanwhhile, a woman named Krissica is coming to warn everyone of danger. quote:"They're—they're fighting," the woman gasped. "And summoning storks!" Jeremy decides to investigate. Voracia demands to know where his authority is. He claims that, by virtue of being a prince, he outranks everyone else present, and is going to do what he wants. quote:"Then I rank you. I am trained to act when action is necessary, and it may be necessary now. If it is a false alarm, we will return to the boat and resume interviewing." Piers Anthony has this weird boner for hereditary monarchs. Which is better than his weird boner for other things, I guess? quote:They ran to the beach, and stopped. Jeremy changed back to man-form as Jenny dismounted. There was something peculiar happening. Plants were writhing, two by two. At the edge of the water, seaweeds were wrestling. Crabs were entangled with each other, trying to pinch off each other's heads while at the same time putting their bodies together. Insects were trying to sting each other while trying to do something else. Two women were fighting while stripping off their own clothes. Two birds flew in from nearby trees. Suddenly they tried to join together, while savagely pecking each other. (Pun Count: 290) quote:Jeremy gazed across the sea. There was a neighboring island with a cone in its center, belching smoke and vapor. "I think those springs have been heated to vapor. We are suffering an invisible cloud of love and hate elixir. So anything caught in it has a love/hate relationship with its closest neighbor." Jeremy gets Voracia to gather all the winged creatures on the island, and then heads off to get the kings. Dolph joins the winged monsters, while Dor will help get the cloud to identify itself. Bink decides to help with this. Breanna and Jenny direct traffic. quote:The boat splashed out of the pond and ran through the forest. It did seem to know where it was going. They passed a woman on her way somewhere. "Hey, Molly Coddle!" Breanna called. "We're on a mission to save the children from something dreadful. We can use your help." (Pun Count: 291) They start directing the women with the colored dust, while Dor makes it talk so they don't get caught in it. Dolph starts dumping the dust over the cloud, and then the winged monsters can blow it away. The cloud drifts offshore and is eventually whisked off by a natural wind. Everyone is saved. Jeremy credits Jenny with getting him to realize he was the best one to handle all this. Dor realizes that it is probably Bink's fault that they happened to be present just in time to save the island. quote:Breanna perked up. "Justin says no. it was bound to happen sometime, with that Selfish Steam Isle next door. If the women hadn't been distracted by trying to impress Jeremy, they probably would have handled it well enough themselves." They head back to the parade, but none of the women are right. Jenny begs Breanna to take over on helping Jeremy. She wanders off to go cry. Bink comes to talk to her, and Jenny admits that she's falling for Jeremy and can't stand helping him impress other women. Bink notes that she turns 21 on the day of the upcoming wedding. quote:"A coincidence." he repeated thoughtfully. Then he returned to the subject. "Jenny, you have to go back. You relate to him better, because you're a wolf-rider. He was pretty much hopeless, until you came, and then he started improving. There is a continuing frisson between you. You can't desert him now." Bink won't let her weasel out of this. Jeremy shows up to ask Jenny for help - without her, he's getting clumsy again. Jenny admits that she can't, because she loves him. Jeremy realizes, instantly, that she is his true love. quote:Now it registered. But she realized what he was doing. "That can't be. I'm not even of this world. You deserve so much better. Don't do this just because you feel sorry for me. Don't ruin your life." She stumbled on. Everyone decides that it must have been fate. quote:"We will be married at Castle Roogna, on your birthday. Then I will proceed with my training to be king. But you will always be with me. I hope you won't mind being a princess or a queen, between rides." Pun Count: 291 by the end of Chapter 13.
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Mar 7, 2014 18:33
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quote:"They're—they're fighting," the woman gasped. "And summoning storks!" But, is it just me, or is he casually denying the existence of lesbians in this scene? I honestly never even thought of whether Piers Anthony had any views on homosexuality. Is this a common theme I missed?
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Mar 7, 2014 20:59
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Pretty much exactly what he's doing, yes. I mean, arguably there aren't going to be any lesbians on the island of ladies hunting for rich men to marry them? But no he's denying the existence of homosexuality, I don't think he believes it's real. It's not that he hates it, it's that he literally does not conceive of it within the framework of Xanth. IIRC it comes up and is seen as okay in some of his other works, albeit through his bizarre gender-sexual-roles lens? But in Xanth loving everyone is straight.
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Mar 7, 2014 21:04
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Xanth is basically cargo cult Shakespearean comedy, with the sex jokes, plays on words and bloody-minded determination to normalize relations with a flurry of weddings at the end, but none of the skill and artistry.
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Mar 7, 2014 21:46
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quote:"They are people, as well as women," Jenny agreed. Ahh, yes. Most women aren't people, you know.
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Mar 7, 2014 21:55
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Mors Rattus posted:Pretty much exactly what he's doing, yes. I hate that I know this, but it crops up in one of his later books. If you're gay in Xanth, you get put in a straight jacket so you can get married and have babies like a normal person. Because this is an idealistic fairy tale world, you see. 
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Mar 8, 2014 17:55
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Chapter 14. Justin is our viewpoint. This is his first time getting to see Castle Roogna, and he quite likes the place. All of the wives are quite happy to see their husbands return. Ida shows up and starts supervising the rehearsal, asking Breanna for her help. She assures Breanna that Jenny will give her an invitation, then shows her to her room. Ida greets Justin and vanishes while Justin is disoriented and confused. Jenny shows up with the invitation, and Justin realizes that this is Jenny's room. Breanna insists she can't stay, but Jenny begs her to, since she needs a friend around to help her handle the wedding.quote:"Do it," Justin said. "Everyone else is busy, and she needs a female friend." I have no idea why Justin had to specify. Jenny takes a nap. quote:"Thank you," Jenny repeated. She lay down beside Sammy and closed her eyes. That reminded Breanna how Jenny had asked Sammy to find Jeremy's True Love, but the cat had simply asked Jenny to stroke him. None of them had caught on that Sammy had indicated Jenny herself. The curse had not allowed itself to be bypassed by the cat's magic. Breanna heads with Ida and gets an itinerary. Jenny is free until the next day's rehearsal. We get a brief digression on how Jenny is actually really well-connected and just doesn't realize it. quote:The castle kitchen had a hot meal packed and waiting. They also had a pitcher of rinsed cream, that the girls could use to untangle their messy hair; a cream rinse would be good for tangles. And a sweet-smelling deoder ant. Breanna carried it all back up to the room and set it down beside the bed where Jenny snoozed. A curl of scented steam wafted out and tickled the girl's nose, waking her. "Oh, food," she said. "I'm famished." She sat up. (Pun Count: 293) quote:There turned out to be enough for two, so they shared. They discussed the schedule. Then they took turns cleaning up and settling back down. Jenny went to take a bath, but retreated from the tub, blushing. Breanna looked, and discovered the problem: there was a shameless plug in the bottom. A mischievous princess must have put it there, some dawn or eve. She covered it over, and then they were able to bathe without shame. (Pun Count: 296) Breanna sleeps, and Justin thinks about how the adventure will soon be over. He's not so happy about that. quote:Why was he so loath to end what he had always known would be a temporary association? He explored that, and realized that something surprising and rather embarrassing was happening: he was coming to like Breanna too well. She was young, and impulsive, while he was old and staid, and they had little in common. But she had increasingly good instincts, and was fun to be with. His life would be dull without her company. He would no longer be satisfied to be just another part of a forest, watching the sun cruise by each day, and the moon many nights. Reminder: Breanna is like fifteen. Justin is over eighty. He naps, and the next day, Chameleon shows up and tells them that the zombies want to attend. Jenny is not happy about that, but Breanna wants to know why they can't. She wants them to get to come. quote:Jenny looked surprised, while Chameleon looked speculative. "Perhaps they should," Chameleon said. "I can't stand them myself, but I remember how hard they fought to save the castle when the Nextwave came. And the Zombie Master and Millie are certainly good folk. Millie used to baby-sit our son Dor." So yeah, the undead are now a metaphor for black people. You know, on top of the actual black people. quote:Breanna stifled her ire. She knew he was right: others could not impose their preferences over those of the bride. She forced a smile. "Maybe that will do. I could go talk to King Xeth and explain." And now, they ave to do the rehearsal, though not all dressed up. Professor Grossclout is officiating, because. Jenny gets all nervy and flees to a bathroom, overwhelmed. quote:"Stage fright," Justin said. "We'll have to get that stage removed." (Pun Count: 297) Justin tells Breanna to get rid of the stage, and she gets mad because she feels he's interfering in a complicated affair. He claims this is unfair, and she tells him to leave. quote:"Breanna, I realize that you are under stress. Perhaps I spoke in-temperately. But you are being unreasonable." So Justin heads back to his tree...or tries to. However, he fidns he has to focus on compacting his spirit together before he can leave. quote:"Fare well, Breanna," he said, trying to shield her from his grief of the occasion. Probably it was for the best, because his growing feeling for her was not licit, and needed to be abated. Breanna suddenly begs him not to go. quote:Her expression became less pretty. Her upper garment assumed the likeness of brands and brass knuckles, which Jenny realized made sense for a bra. "Then go soak your stupid head!" she flared, turning away. Her shorts condensed into a G-string so that her flexing bottom looked bare.[/quote Justin forgives her and Breanna assures Jenny that her crying has nothing to do with the wedding or anything. She agrees to help Jenny by standing in for her during the rehearsal so Jenny can get used to things. They head back to the rehearsal. quote:"I wonder why a floor even cares what is under a woman's skirt," Justin said. (Pun Count: 298) We also learn that Bink and Chameleon will not be handling Castle Zombie - she doesn't like zombies at all, so Chameleon vetoed the idea. Justin continues to yell at himself for falling in love with Breanna and decides he should keep silent about it and just go home when the wedding is over. quote:Breanna reached the front of the hall. Jeremy looked at her, with a vulpine smile of mischief. "Why Jenny, how you have changed." This isn't technically a pun, just really poor taste. quote:He laughed. "Really?" Things go well, and Breanna tells Jenny that she has someone she likes, but he's probably not interested. Justin is shocked and thinks she means Jeremy. Breanna assures him that it's someone unmarried. Justin asks who. quote:Breanna hesitated. "If you haven't picked up on it then I think you wouldn't understand." Yeeeeeah. We're going here. Next day, guests start arriving. Clio, the Muse of History, introduces herself to both Breanna and Justin, and declares the wedding historically significant, and not just because of Jenny's marriage. Justin realizes the gathering must be facilitating something else. quote:Then Good Magician Humfrey arrived, with a woman Breanna didn't recognize. Before anyone could think of looking askance, she introduced herself: "I am MareAnn, Humfrey's fifth and a half wife. I was his first true love, but wouldn't marry him for 142 years because I didn't want to lose my innocence and with it my ability to summon unicorns. But later, having resided in hell, I concluded that much of my innocence had already been sacrificed, so I married him. Thus he obtained a half-wife of 142 years. I am the Designated Wife for this occasion, as the Gorgon is busy elsewhere." (Pun Count: 299) Breanna's parents show up next, and have decided to come as ambassadors from the Black Village. quote:"And we thought it was about time for the Black Village to start spreading out," her father said. "We need to interact more positively with the rest of Xanth, especially now that there are a number of black children with magic talents." Com Passion and Com Pewter are also present, in tiny-screen remote forms. Breanna wanders off, explaining to Justin how those two came together. The computers also make the area bigger and more decorative than it usually is. quote:A big tank was delivered, containing three lovely mermaids: Ash, Cedar, and Mahogany. They were respectively blonde, red-haired, and brunette, and attracted some attention as they diverted themselves in the moat. Certainly Soufflé Serpent enjoyed the company. Remember them? They're here now. Roxanne Roc shows up next, along with Che, Cynthia and Gwendolyn. Also, Sim. quote:"That means thank you," Che said. "He could read your mind, and project his response to you, but he feels that would be impolite, so he sticks to bird talk." (Pun Count: 300) Cynthia asks Che if he thinks their kid will get a magic talent. He objects, claiming that lightness is their talent. quote:"That's a species talent, like walking on four feet. Do you see human beings limited to the talent of walking on two feet?" Next up are Aurora and Erica, the two winged mermaids, and their winged centaur friends. Voracia shows up next, then Tipsy and Phil. Nimby and Chlorine show up without much explanation and so on. Justin starts to get depressed about missing out on relationships as a tree. The wedding goes well, and the reception begins. Breanna starts to cry, because all women cry at weddings. quote:The worst was over. Breanna stepped back, wiping her face. "MareAnn said that women are supposed to cry at weddings," she said. "I thought it was applesauce, but I can't stop my eyes." Chlorine and Nimby come over to chat. Nimby wants to give Breanna a gift: he returns her memories, provided she shares them only with Justin. Nimby has now learned to dream and is quite grateful. quote:"You gave permission, and this was enough. That enabled him to learn what he wished to, without having to depart the Land of Xanth." (Pun Count: 302) They promise never to reveal the Nimby secret, and Chlorine tells them that if they ever need Nimby, they just have to think about it. She also tells Justin that he can achieve his dream by the end of the day. Breanna asks him what that dream is, but he refuses to tell her. She'll tell him hers if he'll tell her his, but he doesn't want to. He also claims that he shouldn't stay with her. Eventually, Justin admits that he's fallen for Breanna. quote:"But I'm young and impulsive and militant, and sometimes I blow up for no good reason." They have to talk to Xeth and Zyzzyva now, but Breanna says they'll chat later. Zyzzyva, we are assured, is super hot. The zombie couple move on, and Breanna gets back to her chat. quote:"Now about that discussion," Breanna said to him. "I thought you were mostly putting up with me, for the sake of having your adventure. I thought we got along well because you are so good at smoothing over my outbursts. At hiding your own feelings of disgust, and coming up with reasonable ways to interpret what you know is crazy, so I won't feel bad. Even when I went nuts and told you to go, you forgave me, instead of taking the chance to bug out. I thought you thought I was pretty much of a snot." Breanna tells Justin that she loves him, too. quote:"drat it, Justin, give me credit for knowing what I'm talking about. It isn't just storks or sex, it's love, and I think I know it when I feel it. I think I'm feeling it." They argue over having sex, and Breanna thinks swears at Justin to convince him she's not innocent. quote:He knew she wasn't bluffing. "I spoke figuratively. I am aware that you brought the knowledge with you from Mundania. But in experience, in this respect, you are innocent, and it would be a violation for me to even suggest that you take any such action with anyone." Breanna decides they have to chat with Millie and Jonathan now. She suggests Justin Tree be the next Zombie Master, youthened to match Bink's age. She'll be the replacement for Millie. Jonathan decides it's a good idea, if Justin is willing. (He is, but he demands that Breanna make her final decision in three years.) quote:"How about this: we stay together that three years, just as we are now. Then we decide whether we still feel the same way, and want to do it. Maybe I'll have changed my mind, or you'll have changed yours. So we can stay together, or separate, or decide to take the position. Then we go to the Good Magician and ask him for the youth elixir. Then we go to your tree, and Magician Trent changes you back to human, and you take the elixir and turn twenty one. Then we get married and move to Castle Zombie for a long time, and stand up for the zombies when they need it. Does this make sense to you?" They inform Bink and Chameleon. quote:Breanna laughed. "For sure! I'm glad you didn't take that position." She stepped close and kissed him. "Thanks." They wander off and find Imbri and Forrest Faun. Imbri gives them a daydream and is hit on by Forrest. quote:"Are you trying to be a satyr instead of a faun?" Imbri asked him archly. (Pun Count: 303) quote:"But it wouldn't be proper to—" Justin started to protest. However, his heart wasn't in it. He longed for just such a dream. Yeeeeeah. But we're not done! It's time for the "Epilog." Clio meets with Humfrey, who tells her that he does not want to deal with her today. They talk about how they set all this up and how awesome Jenny and Breanna are. quote:He nodded. "There are appealing qualities about her, despite her youth. She is direct and forthright and determined, and quite ready to challenge the status quo—exactly the kind of representative the zombies need to combat the prejudice of the rest of Xanth. When Mare Imbri told me about her connection with Nimby—" Pun Count: 303 by the end of Zombie Lover.
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Mar 8, 2014 19:20
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Alopex posted:I hate that I know this, but it crops up in one of his later books. If you're gay in Xanth, you get put in a straight jacket so you can get married and have babies like a normal person. Because this is an idealistic fairy tale world, you see. what. EDIT: also the way Anthony keeps emphasizing that Breanna is black has an almost fetishistic quality.
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Mar 8, 2014 19:31
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There are parts of Anthony's writing that aren't almost fetishistic in quality? I swear, that age difference thing wouldn't be nearly as creepy as it is if he didn't keep harping on the adult conspiracy and the reasons that it's totally okay because she's 18 in the dream world. And, you know, ignoring that he's 80 because physical age is the only thing that counts I guess. I'm not sure which is worse, all the weird sex stuff or the bit where he works up needlessly convoluted magic plots like that whole thing with Jeremy's curse and then solves them via needlessly convoluted wordplay and all the characters pat themselves on the back for being so clever. And look at the pacing in this, it's technically about Breanna trying not to get married to a zombie, very little of it is actually about that, and then they solve that early and the last third is about getting Jeremy married off because they ran out of plot. And then there's all that junk with bringing back old characters and shoving them into new roles. You'd think that Bink and Chameleon would have complicated feelings about being brought back into the spotlight and being younger than their kids and grandkids and probably having to watch all of their old friends and family die all over again but nope "youth elixir what a good idea".
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Mar 8, 2014 22:03
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Does Breanna ever reference her ethnicity in a way that isn't related to illness, evil, etc?
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Mar 8, 2014 23:46
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