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Drive-Thru Salad Bar posted:Many years ago I was visiting with my girlfriend at her parent's place for thanksgiving. A couple hours after the feast her father (a no nonsense southerner) just belts out a powerful rip. Me being impressed quickly replied, "nice push!" . Then eventually I let one out which almost rivaled his but I didn't want to upstage the king in his own court out of respect. lmao
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Feb 20, 2018 05:39
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the less you fart the more often they'll eat ur rear end so I pretty much just never fart. sure do burp a lot tho
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Feb 20, 2018 05:43
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Soup du Journey posted:the less you fart the more often they'll eat ur rear end so I pretty much just never fart. *burps* excuse me for my rudeness, it wasnt very smart but if it came out the other end it would have been a fart
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Feb 20, 2018 05:47
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ClamdestineBoyster posted:See I thought this was going to be one of those “I tried to upstage her fathers farts and I poo poo my pants instead” posts but im glad that poo poo worked out for you and you’re fart wife. Same. Holy gently caress lmao
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Feb 20, 2018 06:47
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Long ago I went to an out of town wedding for my then girlfriend's third cousin's former roommate or something similarly distant. The wedding went okay, it was Catholic and had all the charm of a funeral, but the real fun was the reception where I watched way too much wine go into way too few stomachs, including the girlfriend who was also raiding the shrimp and clams like a demented drunken sea lion. So eventually cement mixing a chardonnay and shellfish mash in the tummy caught up with her somewhere around midnight. Through the wee hours of the morning I was serenaded by an orchestra where the two instruments were her dry heaving echoing into the hotel room waste basket and her rear end cackling like an MG42 machine gun at Omaha Beach. At the same time. It was like she rendered my own personal 1812 Overture just for me using her body as the instruments. You know, if it were reversed, resampled, and composed mostly of strained wretching and thundering farts.
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Feb 20, 2018 07:00
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Drive-Thru Salad Bar posted:... Then 4 years later, I married her How many dutch ovens has she given you, and how bad was the stinkiest one?
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Feb 20, 2018 09:49
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Not me but back in high school during some test the kid that sat next to me cut a fart so rude and crude that the whole room could feel it. Before anyone could react or say anything about it, the girl that sat in front of him ran out of the classroom so fast in apparent distress and we knew she didn't make it wherever she was running to in time when we heard her vomiting in the hallway. We all just about died of laughter until the smell got to us and then the teacher yelled at the kid and everyone to get back to the test before he left to check on the girl in the hall. Still one of the funniest farts I've witnessed.
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Feb 20, 2018 10:23
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Speaking of farts in school.. My friend Brad would always rip loud farts in our science class. A lot of the guys and some of the girls would laugh, and there were a couple girls that would get really pissed everytime he ripped one. One day our old hippy teacher lady, who was notoriously hard of hearing and wore 2 hearing aids was reading us an article out of some science magazine. Dont know what it was about but it was kind of a boring story.. A guy made a snarky comment about how boring it was, and she was like "Oh yeah!? Well it gets better, let me read you THIS!" At that exact moment Brad ripped the loudest fart ever, it cut through at the perfect moment and every single person in the class died laughing for what had to be about 5 minutes straight. Our teacher heard it immediately, this is a woman who couldn't hear you yelling her name from ten feet away some days. It was a truly epic fart in its own right, but was amplified by the cheap plastic chairs we had in that room. I will never forget that fart.
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Feb 20, 2018 11:28
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my dog farted in his sleep which woke him up and he started barking confusedly and i laughed so hard i cried
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Feb 20, 2018 12:45
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Constipated posted:Speaking of farts in school.. My friend Brad would always rip loud farts in our science class. A lot of the guys and some of the girls would laugh, and there were a couple girls that would get really pissed everytime he ripped one. One day our old hippy teacher lady, who was notoriously hard of hearing and wore 2 hearing aids was reading us an article out of some science magazine. Dont know what it was about but it was kind of a boring story.. A guy made a snarky comment about how boring it was, and she was like "Oh yeah!? Well it gets better, let me read you THIS!" This reminds me of my 8th grade French/homeroom teacher. One time, during class, she put the chalk down, quickly walked to the door, opened it a bit, stood in the doorway facing us for about 2 seconds, and then came back in. We had no idea what the gently caress happened, and she kept saying it was nothing, it doesn't matter, stop asking. We pressed and pressed until finally, she sheepishly admitted "J'ai fait une petite 'squeak'". Some of us didn't get it, the rest had a mixture of "Eww" and outright laughter. Our teacher stuck her rear end into the hallway to fart, right in the middle of class, and expected us to let it go.
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Feb 20, 2018 12:50
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How very French, if you know what I mean (filthy). When I was in my late teens I visited the house of a schoolfriend whose parents were pretty rich. I drank a lot of Fosters Lager back then, and it showed when one fart from me stunk out their entire large two story home. I remember my friend's mother being quite displeased. I don't remember my own response, but I'm guessing it was more or less collapsing with laughter. I was such a nasty punk then that I doubt I even apologised. Not sure if I was ever invited back. Pro tip: If anyone becomes unduly offended at the stench of your fart(s), ask them if they think their farts don't smell and the sun shines out if their rear end. BigBadSteve fucked around with this message at 13:11 on Feb 20, 2018 |
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Feb 20, 2018 13:08
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In jail, you get an arraignment to hear the charges against you. You're roused out of bed around 8am or so and you're taken with other inmates to a secured room where you sit and wait for the judge to appear on a t.v. screen. The judge is actually in a courthouse building across the property. Anyway, right before he pops on, you watch a video that's similar to one you watch when dealing with a traffic ticket hearing and then you're warned not to say anything that can hurt your case from this point forward, as the room is being recorded. Now, there's about 30 of us in this room and to speak to the judge, you leave your seat and stand in front of a microphone that's hanging from a cord. On the front row in the men's section(they kept housing departments seated seperately) there was one guy who had a massive poo poo-eating grin on his face throughout the pre-judge time video. And he kept looking at the mic. He was seated right in front of it. Finally, a light kicks on(a blue one, some sort of "we're recording, dumbass!" symbol) and I caught the grinning man lift a cheek and rip one of those loud clappy-sounding farts. Our plastic chairs undoubtedly added to the audible punch. The whole room froze and every guard looked at the grinning guy but did nothing. I had a hard time keeping a straight face after that and was yelled at for making a few squeaks of laughter during other people's time at the mic, but ...whatever. Farts are funny.  I also had a cell mate for one night that would push out SBDs. She slept beneath me and I was being hotboxed by her loving rotten garbage diet(she'd order sardines off of commissary and mix them with nasty jail food) and I tried to cover my face with my blanket but that rank rear end still penetrated the fabric. I also swear my blanket had a permanent rear end stink after her little gastric sewage leaks or whatever her problem is, and traded for a new one. I also moved cells the next morning. No one in the whole pod would sit near her and her upper bunk remained open. This is either a genius plan or her genuine nastiness. Papa Emeritus III fucked around with this message at 14:27 on Feb 20, 2018 |
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Feb 20, 2018 14:25
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Papa Emeritus III posted:In jail, you get an arraignment to hear the charges against you. You're roused out of bed around 8am or so and you're taken with other inmates to a secured room where you sit and wait for the judge to appear on a t.v. screen. The judge is actually in a courthouse building across the property. Anyway, right before he pops on, you watch a video that's similar to one you watch when dealing with a traffic ticket hearing and then you're warned not to say anything that can hurt your case from this point forward, as the room is being recorded. These stories would be amazing if you were in jail for farting. Like resisting arrest or assaulting a police officer, but it was because of a fart. You didn't kill someone, did you?  Ninja edit: death by farts is ok.
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Feb 20, 2018 14:35
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Rupert Buttermilk posted:These stories would be amazing if you were in jail for farting. Like resisting arrest or assaulting a police officer, but it was because of a fart. I wonder if that guy on the plane caught any charges after farting them into an early landing. I never read the whole article.  And no, no killings. I did a fraud thingie. Also, jail food is notorious for the rancid farts it gives. I even hotboxed myself out of bed. Well, more like Dutch ovened myself. It was SOS day for the menu. I ate and then laid down(breakfast is at 3 or 4am, no joke. Lunch is 9am. Dinner 3pm). I sleep with my blanket over my head to keep light out of my eyes and to keep from being cold(they keep is freezing in there). Well, at 7am, I had a gas cloud of x-grade meat farts steaming me out of bed. It woke up my bunk mate and I spent the next hour apologizing and laughing with her. She then told me the story about the naked spooning incident I noted earlier. Fart stories. 
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Feb 20, 2018 14:45
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Drive-Thru Salad Bar posted:Many years ago I was visiting with my girlfriend at her parent's place for thanksgiving. A couple hours after the feast her father (a no nonsense southerner) just belts out a powerful rip. Me being impressed quickly replied, "nice push!" . Then eventually I let one out which almost rivaled his but I didn't want to upstage the king in his own court out of respect. I just wanted to add that I am having a rough morning and had a lovely night. But this post laughed me into a cheerful mood in spite of that poo poo. This thread rules.  !
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Feb 20, 2018 15:20
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^^^ aww well shucks  BigBadSteve posted:How many dutch ovens has she given you, and how bad was the stinkiest one? For every three dutch ovens I retaliate with one blast chamber (like a dutch oven except you lift the blanket up and forcefully pull back down to force the air outward into their face). I thoroughly detailed this in our prenup conditions.
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Feb 20, 2018 15:22
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Drive-Thru Salad Bar posted:^^^ aww well shucks I even read it out loud to a friend. It was grand.For another story, I was in the lobby of a social service type building in Largo, FL. I drove a friend there and she had an appointment with ...whatever. While she was in the back, I remained in the lobby and a guy sitting next to me started up some small talk. Off to my left, an obese guy shuffled by in one of those push-walker thingies, found a seat, and plopped himself down. I continue to chat with the stranger nearby, trying to ignore the snoring coming out of the obese guy. He fell asleep within 4 minutes of sitting there. Then.. Me: So, yeah, I think there's-- BRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAPPPPP-- Me: ...  Stranger dude: ...oh jesus.. ---PPPPPPPPPPPPFFFFFFFFTTT--- Me: ! Stranger dude: ....oh wow... what- --TTTTTTPPPPPPPPTHHHHHH-- Me: (at this point, I'm laughing way too hard to breathe) Stranger dude: ...seriously, what is going on? ----HHHFFFFPPPPPP.....*squeak!* The guy next to me was mostly confused as to how someone could fart for so long. The little reception window suddenly slammed closed and the lady inside took off. I assume out of fear or wanting to laugh. The obese guy never woke up and continued snoring away. I eventually stopped laughing about 20 minutes later.
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Feb 20, 2018 15:41
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Soup du Journey posted:the less you fart the more often they'll eat ur rear end so I pretty much just never fart. that's counterproductive because you'll burp into their butt and then they'll fart it back out making it a butt burp and then you eat your own burp that came out their butt
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Feb 20, 2018 16:25
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I was sitting on our (hardwood) floor and farted for like 3 seconds straight and the resonance from the wood amplified it to a hilarious degree. Now whenever I have to fart I sit on the floor. My house is basically a fart amp.
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Feb 20, 2018 16:32
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Papa Emeritus III posted:
sleep apnea but for your butt? Guess you need a CCRAP machine 
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Feb 20, 2018 16:38
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Bonzo posted:sleep apnea but for your butt? Nice 
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Feb 20, 2018 16:40
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Bonzo posted:sleep apnea but for your butt? lol. I'm wondering if he just does that poo poo all the time so he doesn't feel it now and fails to wake up. I can't explain how long and loud that poo poo was, though.
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Feb 20, 2018 16:42
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For an appropriate start, I laughed hard enough at a few posts in this thread that I farted. Back in the days when I would go out to bars and clubs with friends frequently, one friend called me and asked if I wanted to go to the usual bar. He had met someone down in New York while drunk after closing time, and she was coming up to visit and bringing a friend. We headed out and after a couple of beers we were all dancing. I felt a rumble down below and figured I could get away with letting one rip since the doors to the patio were open and there was a bit of a breeze coming through. I kept it silent, but it took me a good 15-20 seconds to get it all out. Just then, the wind died down and there was no breeze to clear the smell. Nobody was sure where the smell came from, but the horrified looks on their faces told the whole story. A 25 foot circle cleared as we all ran to escape the smell. It was another few minutes before the breeze picked up again and the smell dissipated. Another time, my brother and I were on the train home after a brewery dinner at a local pizza place. Having had a fair amount of pizza (we're both lactose intolerant but typically do OK with Lactaid) and beer, there were a few farts happening. We were sitting almost at the end of the train car, and there were maybe 20 people scattered throughout the car. My brother kept looking out the window, and it suddenly became clear that he was doing what I do on my commute and holding a fart until the train passed the sewage treatment plant so he could evade responsibility. As we passed it, he shifted in his seat and with a look of determination on his face, produced a sound like an army of water coolers bubbling in unison. I asked "did you poo poo yourse-" and he replied with a smile and a "nope!" as I started gagging. A few seconds later, I heard "Oh my God!" from a group of old ladies, and they quickly grabbed their belongings and moved to the next train car. There might as well have been a visible stink cloud spreading because it was obvious when the smell hit each person and one by one they all got up and left. tl;dr I cleared a dance floor, my brother cleared a whole train car.
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Feb 20, 2018 16:51
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I witnessed a pretty great one this weekend. I was outside the bar, and this woman came out. I noticed her because she was falling down. She took the fall into a roll down the ramped walkway, and i was just about to congratulate her on being a pro at falling down; but as she sat up, she farted. It was a single ear-splitting trumpet-blast of a fart. In the end, I said nothing to her, because I was too busy laughing at her.
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Feb 20, 2018 18:38
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I'm a nuclear contractor and I am a serial fartist. Because of the hours I often make large batches of food like chili so I can take leftovers in for lunches and stuff. My family also keeps chickens so I usually bring a couple hard boiled eggs in for a morning snack. Plus there's a lot of down time waiting for paperwork and stuff so guys are always bringing in food for everybody. And then there's the heavy drinking during the off time. The sum of all this is I end up packing apocalyptic heatfarts. I like to make the most of these farts. No elevator is safe. The upstairs bathroom in the shop where the supervisors' offices are has no ventilation so I like to poo poo up there and contaminate the entire hallway up there. My personal favorite is the time bomb though. When I work in containment in particularly contaminated areas sometimes the health physics nerds have to peel off your outer layer for you. If you fart shortly before they do so they get it full in the face when they unzip you. They get all pissy and step back and glare. I just give em a poo poo-eating grin and say "Wasn't me," and they get even more pissed and it's great. gently caress those guys they deserve it. E: also I once gassed the entire (huge) shop so hard that everybody ran away and after that every time I even chuckled everybody got real nervous.
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Feb 20, 2018 18:40
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When I was 12 a classmate and I got in serious trouble because I farted in class. I could feel it coming for about 10 minutes so I waited the bell rang and everyone stood up and starting shifting tables and chairs. I hoped the noise would cover up the sound of my fart. I was wrong, I clenched too hard and let it out too fast and the guy sitting next to me heard it and starting sniggering. The teacher, who was the head of first year glared and pointed t20 fingers at us, he growled "IM SICK OF YOU TWO!!! Go down and wait for my outside my office!". Peter, he started weeping. I couldn't really care less because I figured once I explained what happened we would be off the hook. As we were standing outside his office waiting for him I noticed Mr. McElwee walking down the corridor. Mr McElwee was the school headmaster and this was one of his unusual visits to the first year building away from the main college. I whispered "Peter, look! It's Mr. McElwee!" but he was having none of it. "Valko, it's not funny, shutup dickhead!". He thought I was making a bad joke and continued to cry. Mr McElwee eventually ended up standing right in front of us to Peters' disbelief. Of course he wanted to know why we were standing outside Mr Clarks office so he asked me first. "What are you two doing standing here, you - were is your sweater?" Me: "My bag sir..." "WELL GET IT ON!" Me: "Yes.." "Why were you asked to stand here?" Me: Mumbles quietly ".. I let off in class, sir..." "What?" Peter starts trying to fight back the laughter though he is still in tears... I repeat, incoherently about an accident in class " .. i letofinclasssir..." "SPEAK UP BOY!!!" Peter almost doubles over... Im thinking in my head there is only one way out of this so I clear my throat and say loud and clearly "I . BROKE WIND. IN CLASS... sir" The look on his face was priceless. It was as if i had taken a glove off and slapped him across the face knocking his glasses off and challenged him to pistols at dawn. After the shock wore off he interrogated Peter who told him that he was laughing at me. He just said "Well that wasn't very good now, was it?" and wandered off. Any time me and Peter meet some 20 decades later we still talk and laugh about it. I've got another story from arround that time that involves farting and a case of gastro enteritis. I don't think i'll post it as it is quite gruesome.
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Feb 20, 2018 18:43
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GWBBQ posted:For an appropriate start, I laughed hard enough at a few posts in this thread that I farted. You can’t always depend on breeze to waft it away. My boyfriend has Celiac’s, so if he has gluten on accident, whoa nelly. Usually he would leave the room if he had to let one rip, but one particularly windy night, he got up and opened the balcony door, stepping out onto it. I thought he stepped out to smoke, but then it hit. The Stink. It was horrific. I leapt out of bed and ran into the connected bathroom, stench creeping after me like The Mist (and filled with just as many horrors). He called after me ‘I thought the breeze would blow it away!’
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Feb 20, 2018 18:44
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A good thing to do to excuse yourself after an accidental howler is to say, "Excuse me, I gotta go, some rear end in a top hat is talking poo poo behind my back"
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Feb 20, 2018 18:49
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Protip: if there's a fat person, a baby, or a geriatric around you'll never get blamed for a silent fart ever.
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Feb 20, 2018 18:51
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doesn't work if you're a fat old manbaby though
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Feb 20, 2018 18:52
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Fart Stories! 1 - One of the dining halls in college would occasionally have an all-you-can-eat taco bar (for the price of a regular meal). I went to one of these events for dinner one day, and filled up on all the mexican food I could. The next day one of my friends asked me to come with him to an open house/cookout for some club he wanted to join. By the time we got to the house, I was feeling the rumbles down below that indicated that I had processed all that spicy food. No big deal - it was a cookout, we would be outside, no problem. I hung on the outer edges of the crowd, quietly dropping air biscuits that dissipated without incident. Being outside probably lulled me into a false sense of security, because i didn't smell anything from my farts. Then my friend wanted to go inside and look at some trophy case or something. I thought I had purged most of the evil from my system, so I went in with him. We were standing in the living room looking at the display case when I felt the pressure build. Quickly looking around, I didn't see anyone else in the immediate area, so I figured I would let a small one rip. What followed was loud and long. A full 30 seconds of cheek flapping symphonic wonder. My friends eyes slowly got bigger and bigger as he stared at me in awe. Just when I thought his eyes couldn't get any bigger, the smell hit him, and I thought his eyes were literally going to pop out of his head. He later described it as, "A year-old hard boiled egg, stewed in a porta-john for the month of August, and covered in burning tire rubber." As I started giggling uncontrollably, from the next room I heard, "Oh, Jesus, what the gently caress is that?" That's when I realized that a) The air conditioning was on in the house and b) I was standing on the air return vent. My friend and I beat a hasty retreat out the front door and watched as the hvac system spread the evil and every occupant of the house abandoned ship. As they were wondering what the hell had happened, we quietly slipped away. My friend did not join the club. 2 - One Sunday afternoon I drug myself out of bed after two full nights of revelry. Unknown amounts of various beers and unidentified foodstuffs eaten from roller-grills at gas stations after last call had combined to give me not only a horrible hangover, but also quite a bit of intestinal distress. I also had nothing in the fridge or the cupboards of my apartment. So bolstered by some aspirin and black coffee, I headed out to the local grocery store for supplies. As I slogged my way down the cereal aisle, I suddenly had the urge to fart. I struggled with the feeling for a while, not sure if I could trust my sphincter to properly sort liquid from solid, and eventually decided to go ahead and give in. What followed was ... disappointing. A little tiny hiss, the merest hint of a whisper , and not satisfying at all. As I stood there contemplating if that was all, or if more was to come, the smell hit me. It wasn't just a wall of smell, it was Great Wall of China smell. If you could see a smell, this one would have been visible from outer space. It was a runaway Mack Truck of olfactory assaults. My eyes began to water as I desperately gasped to breathe. Self preservation took over, and my feet began moving of their own accord toward the end of the aisle. I went into the next aisle and tried to make sense of what had just happened. Did my body really produce whatever the hell that was, or was I still drunk and imagining things. As I stood there, taking stock of the situation and trying to catch my breath, from the aisle I had just abandoned came a woman's voice, proper, with just a hint of southern twang to it, "Oh, dear Lord." That was it. I had to abandon my cart. I sprinted from the store to my car, where I sat for at least 20 minutes howling with laughter, and another 10 minutes fighting the giggles. I eventually got myself under control and drove to another store to do my shopping. 3 - My sister was getting married, and I attended my future Brother-In-Law's bachelor party. A very long night of domestic beer, bar food, and an ill-conceived late night call to Domino's for pizza left me feeling rather under the weather. As I was laying in bed trying to recover, I began to fart. They were loud and voluminous, but with very little smell. Then my sister showed up. I was helping her with setting up and printing the program from the wedding. As we were standing there going over the program, I started to fart. And just kept farting. I forget was she was saying, but I went back and timed it later. It was at least 15 seconds of loudness, if not more. Time that out. It's longer than you think. And my rear end was working overtime on it. No halfway measures. Just full on "BRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPFFFFFFFFTTTTTTTTTPPPPPPPPTHHHHHHHHHFFFFPPPPPP" Then I started to laugh, and each laugh led to more farts, which led to more laughter. And each time I laughed, my sister got madder and madder, until finally she accused me of not taking things seriously and ruining her wedding. We eventually got the programs done, but it was rough.
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Feb 20, 2018 19:38
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Forgot one! Although this isn't really a REAL fart story. My highschool was located next to the a rather busy highway, with lots of truck traffic. The school was kinda in the middle of nowhere, and the sudden drop in speed limits from 55 down to 20mph school zone often took the truckers by surprise. More often than not, the truckers would use their engine brake (or Jake Brake) to slow down. For those of you not familiar, hear is what an engine brake sounds like: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xCvTXEn2ZEo&t=37s So one day, I was sitting in history class. We had just taken a quiz, and we were all sitting quietly waiting for the teacher to finish grading them, when a truck went by outside, using the engine brake. I looked up from the book I was reading and said, "Oh, excuse me!" Needless to say, the teacher did not find it nearly as funny as the rest of the class, and she sent me to the principal - who found it just as funny, if not funnier, than the class had.
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Feb 20, 2018 19:54
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CollegeCop posted:Fart Stories! 
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Feb 20, 2018 19:57
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Back in high school, I was in Art Class and the students were starting to get pretty rowdy. Our teacher, a usually mild-mannered hippy lady, was pretty much done with our poo poo. She went off in one of those rare 'quiet one' rages where it's so unexpected that the whole room went silent. And then she announced that if anyone made so much as a loving peep until class was let out in a few minutes, she'd be giving us a quiz and she knew drat well nobody studied the actual art textbook in that class. Then the dude next to me uttered one of those long, wheezing, whistling kinds of farts and I couldn't help it and let out this weird little bark of a laugh. She went OFF. "WELL THANKS TO LIKE A CIGARETTE SHOULD AND CLASSMATE, YOU ALL HAVE A QUIZ TOMORROW MORNING." Fartman and I were not very popular kids the rest of that day, but luckily she seemed to have forgotten the issue by the next morning and there was no quiz so I guess it all worked out?
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Feb 20, 2018 20:47
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CollegeCop posted:Fart Stories! This poo poo is amazing. 
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Feb 20, 2018 20:55
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What's your preferred way to announce or warn an incoming food ghost? There's the classic pull my finger, the "Sssh! Do you hear that? *pregnant pause* FRRT" and the occasional BOMBS AWAY. One time in bed with the wife though I did the, "Knock knock". Confused, she eventually replied "Who's ther--" and before she could even finish, "BBRRAAAAAAPPT!!!" one of them healthy big airy loud ones. Little did I know she would come back with a "FRRRT who?" before I could start laughing. We were giggling like a couple of immature idiots for like 20 minutes after that. CollegeCop posted:Fart Stories! 
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Feb 20, 2018 21:06
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Drive-Thru Salad Bar posted:What's your preferred way to announce or warn an incoming food ghost? I try to never announce or warn. The secret is to sidle up to your intended victim and pull one off as quietly as possible. As the stink cloud begins to expand, ask, "Do you smell smoke?" No one can stop themselves from taking a big sniff when asked that question.
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Feb 20, 2018 21:19
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I try and do finger-guns when I'm farting around my wife. Like "hey, you know what?" and she says "what?" and I'm all  *ferrrrp*
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Feb 20, 2018 21:23
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Ok this isn't farting but its something the 6 year old in all of us will love. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q8qrHo-S4t8
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Feb 20, 2018 22:08
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| # ? Jun 7, 2024 07:57 |
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Im surprised there aren't many fart lighting tales. There was a stoned night of stupidity that including lighting our farts. We were doing well, until a fellow called Fred stripped to his undies and sat down on the floor and spread is legs and lifted his butt off the ground and blew off, holding his lighter to his pants . Unfortunately, this was in the days when materials had lots of nylon in and he ripped a beauty that lit up the room. The heat caused the pants to shrink and stick to his rear end, causing instant pain. Oh how we laughed.
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Feb 20, 2018 22:12
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