Sexhavers megathread

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Bo-Pepper: Want some rye?
Course ya do!

# ? Jun 30, 2014 15:54

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? Jun 5, 2024 18:47

GoodbyeTurtles

one time i touch a girl an she tuch me and my weenie got swolen but i didnt see any wasp or bee an it dint sting and milk came out????

# ? Jun 30, 2014 16:02

A Bad King: Suppose the oil man,
He comes to town.
And you don't lay money down.

Yet Mr. King,
He killed the thread
The other day.
Well I wonder.
Who's gonna go to Hell?

I had sex and during the act my wife told me something in Russian I think it was the secret invasion code or something but who knows maybe I should tell the NSA?

# ? Jun 30, 2014 17:47

Guillermus

Angry Fish posted:

I had sex and during the act my wife told me something in Russian I think it was the secret invasion code or something but who knows maybe I should tell the NSA?

nah, it was some dub reference about the numbers of black ops, are you mason by any chance?

# ? Jun 30, 2014 18:49

bloody ghost titty

sex is rad, i injured myself recently and i hope to get back on the horse soon ("the horse" is a euphemism for a lady)

# ? Jun 30, 2014 21:25

cruft

Vegetable Melange posted:

sex is rad, i injured myself recently and i hope to get back on the horse soon ("the horse" is a euphemism for a lady)

You should call her that during sexing, ladies love it.

Source: been sexing for longer than you've been alive (statistical guess).

# ? Jun 30, 2014 21:33

cruft

Vegetable Melange posted:

euphemism

# ? Jun 30, 2014 21:34

Frank Horrigan: by Ralp

bumping per thread rules

# ? Jun 30, 2014 21:34

GODSPEED JOHN GLENN: I put my thumb up my bum and shut one eye, and my thumb blotted out the planet Earth.

cruft posted:

You should call her that during sexing, ladies love it.

Source: been sexing for longer than you've been alive (statistical guess).

Let's compare: I had my first sexual experience in 1991. Can anyone beat that?

# ? Jun 30, 2014 21:41

Frank Horrigan: by Ralp

does being molested as a toddler count?

# ? Jun 30, 2014 21:42

GODSPEED JOHN GLENN: I put my thumb up my bum and shut one eye, and my thumb blotted out the planet Earth.

Frank Horrigan posted:

does being molested as a toddler count?

No, it has to be consensual sex. I'm sorry, I should have mentioned that.

# ? Jun 30, 2014 21:43

cruft

GODSPEED JOHN GLENN posted:

Let's compare: I had my first sexual experience in 1991. Can anyone beat that?

1990, woo!

# ? Jun 30, 2014 21:43

Frank Horrigan: by Ralp

cruft posted:

1990, woo!

"The first liar never stands a chance"

# ? Jun 30, 2014 21:44

cruft

cruft posted:

1990, woo!

Boy howdy was it awkward.

Attention virgins: get that poo poo over with ASAP because your first time's going to suuuuuuuuck

# ? Jun 30, 2014 21:44

GODSPEED JOHN GLENN: I put my thumb up my bum and shut one eye, and my thumb blotted out the planet Earth.

cruft posted:

Boy howdy was it awkward.

Attention virgins: get that poo poo over with ASAP because your first time's going to suuuuuuuuck

QFT. Virgin sex is the worst sex you will ever have. Except for maybe rape or unexpected diarrhea.

# ? Jun 30, 2014 21:48

Frank Horrigan: by Ralp

The first time I had sex, I got too enthusiastic. I slipped out, then popped her in the butt. She crab-walked up the bed, then sobbed for half an hour and wouldn't let me touch her.

# ? Jun 30, 2014 21:48

i am he

my first time having sex was awesome, sorry you are all broken people

# ? Jun 30, 2014 21:49

Highly Unnecessary

GODSPEED JOHN GLENN posted:

Let's compare: I had my first sexual experience in 1991. Can anyone beat that?

Dad??

# ? Jun 30, 2014 21:52

GODSPEED JOHN GLENN: I put my thumb up my bum and shut one eye, and my thumb blotted out the planet Earth.

Highly Unnecessary posted:

Dad??

# ? Jun 30, 2014 21:52

cruft

GODSPEED JOHN GLENN posted:

QFT. Virgin sex is the worst sex you will ever have. Except for maybe rape or unexpected diarrhea.

You count "unexpected diarrhea" as sex, huh?

# ? Jun 30, 2014 21:52

Frank Horrigan: by Ralp

you don't? :confused:

# ? Jun 30, 2014 21:53

GODSPEED JOHN GLENN: I put my thumb up my bum and shut one eye, and my thumb blotted out the planet Earth.

cruft posted:

You count "unexpected diarrhea" as sex, huh?

I mean during sex, obviously. Or maybe, yeah, sure. Unexpected diarrhea is sex.

# ? Jun 30, 2014 21:54

cruft

Frank Horrigan posted:

you don't?

Maybe I've been doing it wrong.

# ? Jun 30, 2014 21:54

cruft

cruft posted:

Maybe I've been doing it wrong.

BYOB 8.2: You've been doing unexpected diarrhea wrong

# ? Jun 30, 2014 21:55

GODSPEED JOHN GLENN: I put my thumb up my bum and shut one eye, and my thumb blotted out the planet Earth.

cruft posted:

BYOB 8.2: You've been doing unexpected diarrhea wrong

BOYB 8.2: Don't go in the bathroom for a while. I just had the worst sex in there. Ugh.

# ? Jun 30, 2014 21:56

Frank Horrigan: by Ralp

Yeah man, last time I ate at chipotle I had some wicked bad sex

# ? Jun 30, 2014 21:59

watho: The real world will, again tomorrow, function and run without me.

i had sex once but i kind of just wanted to go back to watching lost in translation the entire time

# ? Jun 30, 2014 22:05

Sergeant Handsome

watho posted:

i had sex once but i kind of just wanted to go back to watching lost in translation the entire time

you just couldn't stop thinking about bill murrays sexy bod/rear end

# ? Jun 30, 2014 22:30

watho: The real world will, again tomorrow, function and run without me.

Sergeant Handsome posted:

you just couldn't stop thinking about bill murrays sexy bod/rear end

i'm not gonna deny it :shrug:

# ? Jun 30, 2014 23:10

ulvir

lol if you have sex.

# ? Jul 1, 2014 05:50

ChairmanMeow: Fire up the grill everyone eats tonight!

cruft posted:

1990, woo!

1985!

# ? Jul 1, 2014 05:53

om nom nom: om nom nom nom nom nom nom

i had sex for breakfast this morning

# ? Jul 1, 2014 06:55

thewizardofshoe

# ? Jul 1, 2014 06:58

Sergeant Handsome

om nom nom posted:

i had sex for breakfast this morning

how do you take your sex eggs?

I like mine cum side up

# ? Jul 1, 2014 23:02

deep dish peat moss

Sergeant Handsome posted:

Yeah this isn't the first time she's called me either drunk or crying. I was gonna have sex with her before, but I got really high and called her ex and asked if he would mind if I hosed her. But when he told her about that things got kinda awkward.

lol

# ? Jul 2, 2014 02:35