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Amulius: Man, we should get out here.The mountain's all exploding and poo poo Romulous, [masturbating furiously]: This is more important
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May 30, 2018 00:30
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the masturbating pomepeiian owns
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May 30, 2018 00:33
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how long do you think he was edging to time the blastwave right just looking out his window, angrily squeezing his shaft "c'mon fucker I ain't got all day"
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May 30, 2018 00:36
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How much did it weigh? a skele-ton
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May 30, 2018 00:41
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berth ell pup posted:the masturbating pomepeiian owns Died how he lived
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May 30, 2018 00:58
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Jose posted:this is still the best thing at pompeii 
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May 30, 2018 01:00
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Mooey Cow posted:He was probably sacrificed in some sort of religious ceremony.
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May 30, 2018 01:04
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VikingSkull posted:also iirc there's not even a skeleton inside the ash people it's just that the ash hardened around some people They probably get more information from bone science stuff, instead of just guessing things like, "This man's genitals are poorly delineated because he was jacking off so furiously when he died that the ash couldn't even settle".
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May 30, 2018 01:49
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what if he's not jacking off but like right before the ash wall came he got tagged in the nuts by his dog and fell down
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May 30, 2018 02:02
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the most merciful death
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May 30, 2018 02:03
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I'm imagining this guy running in a panic, but at a way that he actually sees the giant stone headed right at him about 2 seconds before it hits him so he has enough time to realize the irony that it's not the volcano that's going to kill him after all, so he just stops and stares at it while giving a small shrugging laugh and an 'oh gently caress' right as it plows into him
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May 30, 2018 02:19
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He'll never be the head of a major corporation
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May 30, 2018 02:19
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I can't quite make it out, did this poor bastard get hit from the front or behind
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May 30, 2018 02:25
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Eox posted:I can't quite make it out, did this poor bastard get hit from the front or behind Knees and feet look like behind but pelvis kind of looks like front Anyway I'd wanna get stoned if I was about to die in a volcano too
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May 30, 2018 02:29
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Blue Train posted:Knees and feet look like behind but pelvis kind of looks like front the pelvis position is pretty conclusive, it makes sense that complex structures like those legs might settle in strange ways but unless he was literally turning over in his grave over getting incredibly owned he caught a goddamn lintel stone in the face lmao
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May 30, 2018 02:32
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I think the coolest story about the Vesuvius eruption is Pliny the Elder, a naturalist who tried to document the world but much like most ancient thinkers was satisfied with making up completely insane poo poo. He had a house across the bay and saw the eruption from there. His response wasn't "Holy gently caress, I got to get out of here!", it was "I gotta check this poo poo out! Oh, and rescue people." So he gets on a boat and sails over but now giant burning rocks are falling from the sky and the guy steering the ship goes, "We got to get the gently caress out of here!" but Pliny responds, "Fortune favors the bold! Keep going!" and straps a cushion to his head just in case a ten pound chunk of molten rock happens to drop on it. There's two versions of what happens next and one is much more likely than the other. See if you can get which one it is. One option is he gets to the other side, and then proceeds to party in the crumbling city. Eventually his buddies go, "gently caress this, we gotta get out of here!" but Pliny collapses and dies finally overcome by the gasses. The other version of the story is that he gets to the other side and just sails around for a while watching people die and then finally goes, "gently caress it's hot. Hey slave, stab me a few times so I can cool off." The likely true event is Pliny partying to death in a burning city getting covered in ash and lava.
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May 30, 2018 03:03
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Rip pliney
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May 30, 2018 03:36
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Typical Italian, resting on the job.
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May 30, 2018 03:45
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That scene in Amelie, but it's this guy getting smashed with a pillar and jackoff guy blowing his last load.
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May 30, 2018 03:52
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That scene in irreversible but it's a stone pillar instead of a fire extinguisher
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May 30, 2018 04:25
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Picnic Princess posted:He'll never be the head of a major corporation Actually it was his first day but he got stoned
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May 30, 2018 04:26
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May 30, 2018 04:50
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Stick Figure Mafia posted:I wonder if this is the same guy EorayMel posted:Can we get a filter that changes "im gay" to that? Hell yes Big Beef City posted:I'm imagining this guy running in a panic, but at a way that he actually sees the giant stone headed right at him about 2 seconds before it hits him so he has enough time to realize the irony that it's not the volcano that's going to kill him after all, so he just stops and stares at it while giving a small shrugging laugh and an 'oh gently caress' right as it plows into him Ah yes. Like the ending to the hit movie, Donnie Darko. Random Stranger posted:I think the coolest story about the Vesuvius eruption is Pliny the Elder, a naturalist who tried to document the world but much like most ancient thinkers was satisfied with making up completely insane poo poo. He had a house across the bay and saw the eruption from there. His response wasn't "Holy gently caress, I got to get out of here!", it was "I gotta check this poo poo out! Oh, and rescue people." So he gets on a boat and sails over but now giant burning rocks are falling from the sky and the guy steering the ship goes, "We got to get the gently caress out of here!" but Pliny responds, "Fortune favors the bold! Keep going!" and straps a cushion to his head just in case a ten pound chunk of molten rock happens to drop on it. Do you think Pliny might be the masturbating man?!
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May 30, 2018 04:51
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it would be pretty sweet if we could somehow identify the remains of pliny the elder
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May 30, 2018 04:55
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and i pray
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May 30, 2018 04:55
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Stick Figure Mafia posted:I.2.20 (Bar/Brothel of Innulus and Papilio); 3932: Weep, you girls. My penis has given you up. Now it penetrates men’s behinds. Goodbye, wondrous femininity! Gay for the stay
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May 30, 2018 05:09
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Wamdoodle posted:Do you think Pliny might be the masturbating man?! Naw, he never got to Pompeii itself (there were a lot of towns destroyed in the eruption) and his body was recovered about a week later when the burning and ash and poisonous gasses finally subsided by his creatively named nephew Pliny the Younger.
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May 30, 2018 05:33
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Haha, bwned a noob.
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May 30, 2018 09:22
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There is a great recreation of the picture in the op in the film grosse point blank
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May 30, 2018 12:18
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the guy isn't actually masturbating https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/pompeii-man-ruins/
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May 30, 2018 12:26
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LordArgh posted:the guy isn't actually masturbating Nah, bro. He was definitely jackin it while the volcano burned him alive. Don't trust science!
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May 30, 2018 12:38
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Big Beef City posted:I'm imagining this guy running in a panic, but at a way that he actually sees the giant stone headed right at him about 2 seconds before it hits him so he has enough time to realize the irony that it's not the volcano that's going to kill him after all, so he just stops and stares at it while giving a small shrugging laugh and an 'oh gently caress' right as it plows into him I imagine he stood staring and screaming "WHOOAAAAAA" for ten seconds like in Home Alone. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qyXkq2vpFws
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May 30, 2018 12:48
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LordArgh posted:the guy isn't actually masturbating 
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May 30, 2018 12:49
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LordArgh posted:the guy isn't actually masturbating This doesn't even disprove that homie was baitin, only that he wasn't originally captioned as such. Furthermore quote:About three-quarters of the known Pompeii victims are “frozen in suspended actions” and show evidence of sudden muscle contractions, such as curled toes, the study says. Rating Snopes can blow me
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May 30, 2018 12:55
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Astoundingly Ugly Baby posted:When I was in 6th grade, we were shown a video about Pompeii and the teacher told us that God caused the volcano to erupt because those people were unrepentant sinners. Romans literally were sinners
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May 30, 2018 12:56
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VikingSkull posted:what if he's not jacking off but like right before the ash wall came he got tagged in the nuts by his dog and fell down What? Obviously the loving nutforce knocked him back, his cum exploded the wall, the ash hit him, he froze, dead. His dog is a statue just off camera looking real disturbed.
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May 30, 2018 13:09
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I like how Kevin thinks. He must be an academic.
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May 30, 2018 13:20
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Blue Train posted:Gay for the stay Women got owned (because Roman society viewed them as property)
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May 30, 2018 13:20
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I went to the British Museum once while they were having a Last Days of Pompeii exhibit, but it cost like 10 pounds to see so I declined and looked at mummies for free. My friend made a total dad joke ‘you mean I have to Pom-pay to get in?!’ I always wondered if the Pompeii ash-cast people or mummies, back when they were still alive, ever stopped to muse ‘I wonder if, in 2000 years, a bunch of strange people will gawk at my corpse?’ ‘Well if that’s the case, I hope I get owned by a giant rock!’
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May 30, 2018 13:46
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| # ? May 23, 2024 17:13 |
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If you had to die it would be much quicker to quickly get smooshed by a big rock than slowly suffocating with poisonous gases and ash. This guy was a lot luckier than people that actually got into a shelter that would soon be buried forever.
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May 30, 2018 13:49
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