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GABA ghoul posted:So you abandoned Christ to touch meat and milk at a job site? He died for your sins at a cross ffs I touch myself at night and Jesus doesn’t say poo poo. He just sits in the corner beating off in silence 
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Nov 15, 2022 00:17
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Listen you’ve all been baptized secretly by Mormons anyway, so welcome to jello country.
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Nov 15, 2022 00:24
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Von Pluring posted:I was working at a hotel somewhere in europe, and an american jew was staying there who told me it was the sabbath, so he and his family couldn't use technology. But for some reason it was ok if some non-jew went into the elevator with them, pushed the button and let them ride up to their floor and then used the keycard to open the door to their room. Smart! Guess I'll be the one to burn in whatever now, which I probably was supposed to anyway. 
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Nov 15, 2022 00:27
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I honestly think jesus dying on a cross was kind of a waste because like, most of the sins are gross and you’re probably not going to do most of them in the course of an average day or lifetime so why even worry about it? Like I don’t look at the biblical Jesus as a forgiver, and the way the prophets talk about him makes it seem more like he has his foot on St. Peter’s neck and he’s holding the gates to heaven open to let a bunch of demons in. Like forgiveness applies to Michael Myers or pinhead or like they loving care. If anything he should be using his powers to construct a hell for shitheads instead of sending the rejects back to earth.
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Nov 15, 2022 00:37
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gently caress you I open palm slam every sin all day every day I don’t give a poo poo
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Nov 15, 2022 00:38
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Jillian poo poo posted:It was pretty wild fo sho. Two entirely separate kitchens, staff, dish pits, cutlery, plates, everything. Nothing on the one side could ever, ever, ever come in contact with the other. I wondered about how they squared all the chewed up food mixing in their stomachs, but y’know. it sounds like you were cooking for them during passover. there are crazy procedures for making your kitchen ritually clean to prepare food during passover. observant orthodox jews will have separate sets of dishes and cutlery etc for this. since you were working someplace very very upscale, an entirely separate kitchen is a lavish way of being extra accommodating to jews you were not made a temporary jew because that isn't a thing. instead the ceremony was probably related to elimination of forbidden "chametz". by formally gifting these items to you, a non-jew, the rabbi was essentially disclaiming any further responsibility in fact this is a general thing in judaism. the jew laws apply to jews, but they don't apply to non-jews. so one way for jews to get around a jew law forbidding them from doing a thing, is for a non-jew to do that thing for them
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Nov 15, 2022 00:40
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That’s actually very interesting and actually answers a question I had rolling around in my head for years. 
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Nov 15, 2022 01:07
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The only problem now is that I eyeballed what seemed to be half of my foreskin and cut it off soooo
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Nov 15, 2022 01:08
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Haha this shlemiel went to a lesshel
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Nov 15, 2022 01:12
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What a schmo.
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Nov 15, 2022 01:19
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BAGS FLY AT NOON posted:gently caress you I open palm slam every sin all day every day I don’t give a poo poo Like wow, if anyone could write a list of exactly all the poo poo I want to do all the time, like directly into stone, and.. 
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Nov 15, 2022 01:50
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Von Pluring posted:I was working at a hotel somewhere in europe, and an american jew was staying there who told me it was the sabbath, so he and his family couldn't use technology. But for some reason it was ok if some non-jew went into the elevator with them, pushed the button and let them ride up to their floor and then used the keycard to open the door to their room. Smart! Guess I'll be the one to burn in whatever now, which I probably was supposed to anyway. they're still using the fire even if someone else pushed the button. you think you can sneak past god with a flimsy loophole like this? now, if they had pressed the elevator button through a hole in a sheet, that would be another matter entirely
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Nov 15, 2022 01:50
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Charley Day’s next business: Jew Law
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Nov 15, 2022 01:50
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I should also add that after their luxury jewish weekend was over they disputed the bill and refused to pay, and my team was directed to throw all their poo poo into dumpsters which was fun. I still have an entire enchanted place setting 
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Nov 15, 2022 01:52
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When I worked at the Lowes in Somerset KY the Amish used to come into the store via the automatic doors, thus proving their whole deal is a work.
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Nov 15, 2022 02:08
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Bad Purchase posted:they're still using the fire even if someone else pushed the button. you think you can sneak past god with a flimsy loophole like this? so there are two interwoven threads of interpretation in jewish law that lead to this behavior firstly, there is a tendency to generalize specific laws. the meat and milk thing is actually a good example of this. that law applies to jews all the time, not just during passover or on the sabbath. they take it particularly seriously because it is mentioned in several separate places in the jewish bible (old testament). and the old testament god is a vindictive mf, you better not piss him off or he will destroy your entire people. the actual prohibition is something like, you cannot boil a goat in its mother's milk. does this mean a jew can't eat a cheeseburger? hard to say, they didn't have cheeseburgers thousands of years ago, when the laws were written down. so to be safe, they generalize the law: no mixing of meat and dairy at all. questions like jillian's immediately arise: what counts as mixing, how about in my stomach? if i eat some meat, how long do i have to wait before i can separately have milk? trust me, they have a rule for this some rules are taken to extremes, and these interpretations can vary across communities of jews, or even across families. most people know that during passover, oy vey, no more leavened bread. basically no wheat in any form unless it's matzoh crackers. i had a friend in college whose family's rule was, not only are we gonna forbid wheat, we'll also forbid anything that even vaguely looks like wheat when it grows, just in case we gently caress up and accidentally upset god. this means no corn, which means no corn syrup, which means basically nothing from an american grocery store. i observed this guy down an entire xl pizza by himself after passover but secondly, there is this tendency to act like a lawyer with respect to the rules. the guy in the elevator can't press the button because he can't do any work on the sabbath. work is defined by listing examples of things that count as work. one of those things is lighting a fire. again, there was no electricity at the time, so the generalization here is, electric spark is akin to fire. but you can have the elevator stop at every floor using predetermined programming and this is ok. or you can have a literal fire that is lit by a timer and this is ok. or you can have a goy do it for you, that is ok too here's an extra fun one, there is a prohibition against carrying certain objects outside the home/community on the sabbath. it includes stuff that like, you would normally need to carry outside in the year 2022. except that it is ok to carry this stuff within the bounds of a walled jewish community. now of course, the wall must have doors, so people can go in and out. well how about if we make the "wall", but actually it is all doors? that is, we run a wire between poles surrounding the community. the poles are the only real wall-parts of the wall. everything else is a door. good to go. unless some rear end in a top hat cuts the wire, in which case no carrying is permitted that sabbath. and you better believe they check so why is any of this acceptable? jews are so deathly afraid of violating god's laws that they'll go to extremes to make sure they're following any possible intended spirit of the law... but then they just rules-lawyer their way around the letter of the law, in ways that are often obviously counter to its spirit? do they really think they are going to fool god? well, according to the torah, we're made in god's image. the reason why we humans like this sort of pedantic nonsense is that god likes it too. he gave us this big ol brain, and it pleases him to see us use it
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Nov 15, 2022 02:09
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Again, in all seriousness, that's all really interesting! Thanks for sharing.
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Nov 15, 2022 02:24
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My friend Sara told me she won't get tattoos cuz then she won't get buried in a Jewish cemetery. but my friend Jesse has a tattoo of a skull smoking a blunt and he don't care what happens to his corpse. The last time i was in the city with my Chinese wife and this young orthodox boy with the payos runs up to us and says in one breath, while looking at the ground, "Hello! Are either of you Jewish?" and I was like, "She is. I'm not." and he looked up then literally ran away. I saw a bunch of these kids that day, holding bags and I think that if I said "Yes. I'm Jewish." they'd ask for money to save their youth basketball team or something.
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Nov 15, 2022 02:35
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Maybe he wanted to have you put Tfilin on, religious guys do that around here all the time. Probably didn't search for a tenth man to complete a Minian, as that was in a Jewish community.
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Nov 15, 2022 04:32
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Ugh minions are everywhere now, even in religious ceremonies
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Nov 15, 2022 05:02
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DELETE CASCADE posted:so there are two interwoven threads of interpretation in jewish law that lead to this behavior Thanks for the write-up; I find this stuff fascinating actually. I wonder how many bible passages were lost in translation and led to some of this behavior. For instance boiling a goat in its mothers milk may have been an idiom and not something literal.
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Nov 15, 2022 05:11
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Off the top of my head: it was a thing in a neighboring country and the Israelites found it offensive on moral grounds.
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Nov 15, 2022 05:15
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Colonel Cancer posted:Ugh minions are everywhere now, even in religious ceremonies there has to be a Jewish minion meme. I ain’t lookin’.
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Nov 15, 2022 05:18
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