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Sleezak and that bartender have been on a first name basis ever since Jessie Langseth was eliminated. Dude suffers the cuts of his favorites like they came from the Spear of Longinus.
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Mar 14, 2015 07:54
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Needs More Ditka posted:He's the guy at the karaoke bar that just won't loving stop getting up there and droning out bad Deftones songs when all the bar wants to do is rock. shadow puppet of a posted:Dude suffers the cuts of his favorites like they came from the Spear of Longinus. 
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Mar 14, 2015 09:57
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SHUPS 4 DETH posted:I took this personally btw. "Digital Bath" is a guaranteed party-starter no matter now much you deny it. Not in the small-town classic rock/country bar frequented by me, a bunch of people over 40, and Deftones guy. I'm sure it works well in places where the town population won't decrease by half with the next generational death though.
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Mar 14, 2015 15:28
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I also still watch all these shows for some reason that eludes me. I feel like maybe I am insane because I really don't remember last season of Idol (or any singshow ever) having so many objectively atrocious performances. Show is pretty close to erasing the tiny part remaining in my heart that yearns for it to go back to being ~event television~ but the absurd pace and nervous energy of the past couple weeks have been pretty amusing anyway.
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Mar 15, 2015 02:28
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Schach posted:I feel like maybe I am insane because I really don't remember last season of Idol (or any singshow ever) having so many objectively atrocious performances. I'm no psychologist but you're definitely not insane (about this anyway). If Rising Star didn't have Jessie Kinch it would have been worse than even this season. Also X-Factor S2 and S3 had more turds than gems at this point in the competition, but this is absolutely unprecedented for Idol. The main problem is that there are no standouts, and all the highs are much, much lower. At least Caleb and (less reliably) Jena brought the fire most weeks and nobody was regularly offensively bad. The plus side is that it's entertainingly, watchably terrible and there's nowhere to go but up next season. loving hell I'm already thinking about next season.
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Mar 15, 2015 08:21
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Not a lot of compelling reasons to think about this one! But at the rate it's being compacted next season will just be a few weeks of audition rounds followed by a single night elimination tournament a la The Sing-Off.
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Mar 15, 2015 18:09
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Schach posted:Not a lot of compelling reasons to think about this one! But at the rate it's being compacted next season will just be a few weeks of audition rounds followed by a single night elimination tournament a la The Sing-Off. I'd support this if they brought back all the terrible auditions since I tend to enjoy those more than the real singers. You probably all think I'm an insufferable remnant of Vote For The Worst by now, but really I just enjoy variety and Idol and its ilk tend to gravitate toward one specific style of singing that while I acknowledge requires an incredible amount of talent that I do not have I just find grating and overbearing.
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Mar 15, 2015 22:47
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Needs More Ditka posted:You probably all think I'm an insufferable remnant of Vote For The Worst by now, but really I just enjoy variety and Idol and its ilk tend to gravitate toward one specific style of singing that while I acknowledge requires an incredible amount of talent that I do not have I just find grating and overbearing. I know what you're talking about and it's what turned most people I know off about Idol. I would argue that we haven't really had that traditional Idol archetype since Jessica Sanchez placed second in S11, but I also can only remember two female contestants from last season off the top of my head. They've been rewarding quirkiness and non-traditional singers since the beginning, just the voters haven't so much gone along with it. Also you seem much less likely to be a Worster than SPOA does imo
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Mar 16, 2015 00:39
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I'm no Worster, more of a refugee of ew.com and telling midday office workers to gently caress themselves and their awful opinion on Ashthon Jones without triggering a very touchy word filter.
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Mar 16, 2015 01:05
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SHUPS 4 DETH posted:I know what you're talking about and it's what turned most people I know off about Idol. I would argue that we haven't really had that traditional Idol archetype since Jessica Sanchez placed second in S11, but I also can only remember two female contestants from last season off the top of my head. They've been rewarding quirkiness and non-traditional singers since the beginning, just the voters haven't so much gone along with it. I actually didn't know that. The last Idol I caught was whatever season the awkward turtles kid and the turban guy were on, which may or may not have been different seasons. I respect the show for trying to branch out and it's too bad that the rest of America doesn't go along with it.
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Mar 16, 2015 01:49
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Blake is... so bad.
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Mar 18, 2015 18:55
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Atticus Finch posted:Blake is... so bad. Haha I could see it coming too. Oh well, the talented person goes to a different team, I am fine with that. So far the themes have remained. Christina and Pharrell got stacked teams and will now make bad decisions and song choices.
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Mar 18, 2015 19:34
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I skipped last week but I just gotta say the arrangement on Hound Dog with Lowell and Kimberly was loving garbage. Also it took up 2 1/2 segs which is just inane SHVPS4DETH fucked around with this message at 10:12 on Mar 19, 2015 |
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Mar 19, 2015 09:50
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[quote="SHUPS 4 DETH" post=""442934"] Also it took up 2 1/2 segs which is just inane [/quote] Ur inane The battle worth watching from last week is probably Clinton vs India with "stay" from that same ep.
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Mar 19, 2015 18:34
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Eltoasto posted:Haha I could see it coming too. Oh well, the talented person goes to a different team, I am fine with that. So far the themes have remained. Christina and Pharrell got stacked teams and will now make bad decisions and song choices.
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Mar 19, 2015 18:43
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Eltoasto posted:The battle worth watching from last week is probably Clinton vs India with "stay" from that same ep. That was incredible. I also liked Barry/Jack's "Feelin' Alright" and wish they had a clause like X Factor where they could turn two equally matched singers into a duo. I mean obviously neither of them could ever win the season but I'd have loved to watch them play off each other and have a blast every week until they got eliminated. Then again I think it's been 4 cycles since the Swon Brothers and that was the apparent last gasp of teams on this show. Also I know no one in power at The Voice reads this thread but Battles would be so much better if they didn't insist on dragging poo poo out for so long. 3 performances per hour is bullshit even by Idol standards.
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Mar 19, 2015 19:54
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Eltoasto posted:The battle worth watching from last week is probably Clinton vs India with "stay" from that same ep. I knew India was super good but that fella cruuuuuushed it and I didn't even remember him from the blinds at all. Really cool & good. I liked Hound Dog thing too tho because I like those two. Incidentally I am perpetually several days behind on these shows.
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Mar 19, 2015 23:57
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Schach posted:I knew India was super good but that fella cruuuuuushed it and I didn't even remember him from the blinds at all. Really cool & good. I liked Hound Dog thing too tho because I like those two. Incidentally I am perpetually several days behind on these shows. He was a montage dude, which makes it all the more impressive. He was a sacrificial lamb but just showed up and crushed it. Was really glad he got stolen. Also hope his singing career works out because he kinda has the face of a serial killer.
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Mar 20, 2015 00:44
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Adana: Looks good, not that that counts in a post-Caleb world. High notes are all there. Low notes are mostly not. A solid base hit performance. None of the other contestants look jazzed during her performance. Could Adana be a problem child backstage? D.Seev: Speaking of problem children, here's The Seev. I question his age listed as 15. Oh wow, Adana must have used up all the high notes. This is awful. And he actually knows it. And the cello accompaniment makes this thrice as worse. Poor kid probably going through a painful growth spurt right now. Adana looks delighted, so I'm guessing I was right about her being difficult backstage. Mr. hat: Who is voting for this guy? Throws away annunciation as a sacrifice upon the altar of close-enough pitch. Love this bassist. And so does Clark. Me and Clark are now bros. This is as forgettable as the pin number on an Amex card. Nicky The Haircut: Oh shitballs. A Bon-jovi'd up Kenny Loggins. And the magic is gone is seconds, even before the chorus. This may be a go-home performance. Its real lounge on through the end with that piano. A nice little 'gently caress you' from Rickey Minor and the Middle Finger band. Joeyaccordiandreams.tumblr.com: Stylist did her a favor with the reignd-in makeup. Joey knows how to bring someone a danish. Everything hinges on the chorus. And its crap. Sorry Jo Jo. Adam Lambert keeps his stamp and hairdye choices over this song. Still, see you next week Joey. Tyanna: Can she adapt to life in the front running position? Oh wow, no, hit with the Sarina Joi Crow virus. Soaring sour notes. Who the gently caress gave her this maudlin crap? Painful. Nobody should ever sing this the "Over The Rainbow" of the 90's on this show ever again. Tyanna's mom knows how bad that was. Thank you Tyanna's mom. Quentin: Another dirge. Welp. Lets see where this gets you. Meh. Got a good camera angle at the end but he's too operatic. And Keith compares him to a TV commercial right of the bat. Keith you little scampy bitch with flat ironed hair. Maddie: Aging herself down in this promo package to glean a few votes from Joey. Ah medical chat. I still loved the time they had a doctor dress up in fresh scrubs to tell everyone that he wrote Widdle Lauren Alaina has a note for the finale. Booty shorts, pocket tassels and an "injun princess" hairband? Maddie must have sneezed on a stylist. Pure karaoke. Oh wow, that ending note MUST be heard. So bad. Ahaha, Nick had to be pushed out of his wheelhouse to do a solid for a geriatric Kenneth Loggins. Bring Per Blankens a danish next week Nick, you just got hit by the ghost of the Uncle Nigel bus. Clark: Clark was appreciating the bass so much from earlier in the show that he had none to spare for this song. His blue-eyed John Lee Hooker thing seems to be working its I Can't Believe Its Not Blues mojo. Well sung. Good for your Clark. Jax: Did she pick this nursery rhyme? I question if Jax has ever watched idol. This is not a safe path. The last time I've seen something this trite was when Steve Martin did his lovely "Serious Banjo Player" shtick that one year. Hopefully going home, I don't want to see that again. Quassim Sings for His Save: Sorry, but "Come together" is not getting you a save. Might as well hum it out and just dance the poo poo out of it. Oh gently caress a timed-reveal playing card out of nowhere! This could change things. Good for Quassim for remembering these dopey lyrics. Quassim goes for a cringe finish. Does he maybe have another playing card at the ready? Its a no. Shocking. Wait, what? They saved him? Bummer for the other contestants. Totally undeserved. Don't hug him too hard Tyanna, just saying.
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Mar 20, 2015 03:16
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AMERICAN IDOL XIV - Top 10 Revealed Tonight is "Songs From the Movies," always among the worst of the theme nights, and not just because it's yet another "Just Sing Whatever" week. Movie songs suck by and large, and generally reflect tangentially thematic and terribly indulgent garbage. The leaked song list is not promising. We get a live-ish vocal with Nile Rodgers on the jumbotron. 10 people are getting lucky onstage tonight, per Seacrest. Cheeky~! We've got a red carpet, so we'll be checking in with our imaginary celebrity correspondant, The Ghost Of Dean Martin, to see just how drunk everyone is tonight. How's it going Dean? "Well I'll tell you Mr. 4 DETH, I know we're in for some real garbage tonight so Deano's tied one or five on already; how about yourself cool cat?" You know I never watch this show sober. You're in good company buddy! Who's this guy talking about race cars or whatever? "You are paying way too much attention when you could be pouring another drink! Yeah, dig it." You're the boss, Deano! "You haven't earned the right to call me that yet motherfucker." Sorry, Mr. Martin. "That's more like it. Let's have some fun tonight eh? *glug glug* Ahhh yes." We'll talk more with The Ghost of Dean Martin later. Oh okay it was Jeff Gordon. Who gives a poo poo. First safe is Adanna, whose personal movie is a romantic comedy set in the 90s, when she was a baby? Okay why not. Adanna Duru, "Love You I Do" (9/10): She looks incredible. She's aping JHud pretty hard here but it's also working. This song is sort of crappy but she's singing perfectly. There wasn't a transcendental moment or anything but it was pitch-perfect, so of course the judges give her expert-level crit that comes off as overly acerbic. Mr Martin? "Hello again Mr 4 DETH, I have nothing to report but an empty glass and a full bladder so I've got a few things to take care of. Solid!" Same here sir! Thanks for the report. Daniel's movie features him as a henchman for a major label? That's a bit on the nose. Daniel Seavey, "Lost Stars" (1.5/10): We can add phrasing, emoting, enunciation, and mic control to the laundry list of things that Daniel is simply incapable of. My only consolation is that he cannot possibly win. The judges finally catch up to the rest of the audience with ears and tear him apart. No one in the audience cares. Keith gives him a meaningless gold star. "SHUPS, Keith has had about 4 beers at this point and will soon be graduating to some harder fare. I am way ahead of him! Hep!" I thought so Mr Martin, thanks for the update! "You bet your rear end, kiddo!" Rayvon's movie is a deeply ironic action-comedy where he saves the world from bad music. Rayvon Owen, "Stayin' Alive" (3.5/10): He turns out a dark disco track into a sleazy slow jam with an iffy nonstop falsetto and a few funky screams that feel out of place. Rayvon is stuck in low gear and is being way too enthusiastic about a song about existential dread that he's turned into a song about loving. Harry notes the disconnect with the material, and Keith had a few shots so he's doing his titty dance. "Mr 4 DETH I can confirm that Keith indeed has had several Jagermeister and Red Bull mixers. Not my thing but Deano's not here to judge. Keen!" Nick's movie is a self-shot POV porno with a college freshman for whom he just bought a case of beer. Just kidding it's Michael Bay bullshit. Nick Fradiani, "Danger Zone" (4/10): Oh good, he's taking himself seriously on a song that requires a sense of humor. He's visibly checking performance boxes as he makes his way around the stage. He's competent but uptight and it comes across as boring. Jen talks about how hot he is and I haven't mentioned this yet but her outfit is ridiculous. Then ice cream gets involved and wow do the producers want Nick here. "SHUPS, Miz Lopez's cup is filled with pure tequila. You wouldn't think someone that famous would be self-conscious but then again she's really asking for it with that--" NO. You are not going there Mr Martin, I don't care how dead you are or what era you're from, I won't hear that bullshit! "I'm just sayin' man those things are about to fall out and someone's gotta catch 'em, and Deano here is but an apparition." Whatever, just go have a drink. "Don't have to tell me twice! The bee's knees!" Joey wants to be an alien, obviously. Joey Cook, "Mad World" (2/10): She gets the annual edgy contestant anthem and her vocal affects completely derail the performance. It's also cut to about a minute and it goes nowhere. She's very clearly struggling with maintaining her pitch. The judges pile on the praise. Whatever. This is taking too long for me. Dean? "I'm tellin' ya if you try to serve me another improper Old Fashioned you're gonna have to answer for it, you hear me?! And another thing--" Hoo boy. As we return from ad break, Harry finally joined in with drinking and is auctioning off his used clothing and also is going to sexually harass Jen for her clothing choices. Hey that's my job! Tyannna's movie is about her family? Sure, why not. She's got big shoes to fill since the last person on Idol to do this song was the legendary Zoanette. Tyanna Jones, "Circle of Life" (-7/10): Her pacing, pitch and key were all over the place. This was unabashed caterwauling, pure and simple. Zoanette did it better by a country mile. Harry gets it right and stuns the crowd who is clearly #TeamMoss. Keith and Jen put her over in the face of a decidedly poo poo vocal. We've lost contact with Mr. Martin because ghosts aren't real. Jennifer Lopez, "Feel the Light": She's wearing her best Cinderella gown that circles her in about a ten foot diameter which makes for admittedly incredible light/stage effects. I'm not even mad at her because she's singing on pitch and it doesn't sound like an auto-tuned mic like last season's finale medley. The song is crap but it's such a fabulous spectacle. We probably just got a preview of next year's Oscar performance. Quentin's movie, wherein the music disappears from New Orleans and he goes on a quest to bring it back, makes about as much sense as his song choice. Quentin Alexander, "You're The One That I Want" (2.5/10): Bummer-Sam Smith-fragrance commercial arrangement. I wish I could give him bonus points for his wardrobe but his intonation is just not there. Are they not working with vocal coaches this season? This is really basic stuff that could easily be corrected. Harry's on a hot streak tonight with the truth bombs. Maddie's idea for a movie hasn't changed since she was 6. Neither has Maddie. Maddie Walker, "Let's Hear it For the Boy" (3/10): This is a terrible song and it's a vocal softball thrown underhand. She's mostly on pitch but there is no character in her voice whatsoever, and her performance is robotic, didactic and impersonal. Then she whiffs the last note to punctuate things with a question mark. Harry is a god-tier judge on this night, and the producers are probably really upset about it. He is also loving wasted. We're treated to Kenny Loggins's "Footloose" out of goddamn nowhere. The lovely woman to whom I am married says he looks good for his age. Sure, why not. Too bad he sounds like hot garbage. He gets a full-length performance, making a total of two non-contesant full-length performances on a night when the contestants get 90 seconds or less. Maddie's grandpa colored the end of his beard red in a show of solidarity. That is legit loving adorable. I am also so done with watching this. Clark's movie has him as a janitor in a fancy nightclub blah blah gently caress off Clark Beckham, "Sunday Morning" (10/10): Two Adam Levine tracks in one night on Idol? Hot drat. I also hate this song. He strips it down to voice and guitar for the whole song. His guitar playing is on point and his vocal is even better. I can't believe I'm giving my first 10 of the season to a WGWG but that was absolutely perfect. He just earned his spot in the finale with Adana. Jax's movie is zombie gently caress off Jax, "Grow Old With You" (7.5/10): Of course she does great when I want her quirkiness to finally grow so far up her rear end that she barfs up her socks. I can't believe how well she did, even though it had its pitch troubles in spots. Qaasim will not get the save this early. Not with how objectively terrible he's been vocally. SINGING FOR SAFETY: Qaasim Middleton, "Come Together" (-10/10): He pulls ugly faces and sings completely out of tune. He also can't find the beat to save his life. Another one of the worst Idol vocals of all time. How many is that this season, three? And yet again his performance is commanding, but it's all gimmick. Also his leather outfit is downright absurd but I love it. Of course he goes home. Just kidding! He gets the Save earlier than anyone else has in the history of the Save. I'm not saying that Daniel Seavey is a better singer than Qaasim Middleton, but Daniel absolutely hits more notes. See you for 80s week. gently caress everything. Where ya at pigdog?!
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Mar 20, 2015 12:10
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Your ghost Deano is the best thing about this season. I have no expectation of that being topped either.
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Mar 20, 2015 18:14
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I don't frankly care about this show anymore. There are no outstanding singers this year -- I like a few but love none of them. The live rounds are where the show is at its worst, particularly in the past years. Useless judges with random judging scales. Scripted audience reactions (which are also badly timed). Blatant fuckery with the sound mix where they try to make some contestants godly with reverb and whatnot, while others get drowned by the band. Now, with the mixed results and performance, and random motherfuckers singing inbetween the contestants, all that poo poo, it isn't even a show anymore. There isn't even any suspension of disbelief left, we're just watching some young people puppeted along at a carnival. It's stupid. Saving Qassim was good though, he sang it quite well in my opinion. pigdog fucked around with this message at 20:06 on Mar 20, 2015 |
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Mar 20, 2015 20:03
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SHUPS 4 DETH posted:Clark Beckham, "Sunday Morning" (10/10): Two Adam Levine tracks in one night on Idol? Hot drat. I also hate this song. He strips it down to voice and guitar for the whole song. His guitar playing is on point and his vocal is even better. I can't believe I'm giving my first 10 of the season to a WGWG but that was absolutely perfect. He just earned his spot in the finale with Adana. this dude randomly shoehorns high notes into every song and he's flat out terrible at them. they are always way, waaaaay out of his range and his tone becomes a complete unlistenable mess.
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Mar 20, 2015 23:51
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pigdog posted:I don't frankly care about this show anymore. There are no outstanding singers this year -- I like a few but love none of them. The live rounds are where the show is at its worst, particularly in the past years. Useless judges with random judging scales. Scripted audience reactions (which are also badly timed). Blatant fuckery with the sound mix where they try to make some contestants godly with reverb and whatnot, while others get drowned by the band. Now, with the mixed results and performance, and random motherfuckers singing inbetween the contestants, all that poo poo, it isn't even a show anymore. There isn't even any suspension of disbelief left, we're just watching some young people puppeted along at a carnival. It's stupid. pigdog posted:Saving Qassim was good though, he sang it quite well in my opinion. shadow puppet of a posted:Your ghost Deano is the best thing about this season. I have no expectation of that being topped either. Homestar Runner posted:this dude randomly shoehorns high notes into every song and he's flat out terrible at them. they are always way, waaaaay out of his range and his tone becomes a complete unlistenable mess.
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Mar 21, 2015 10:31
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Your Top Ten Fart Stuff Out Musicians are the best people in the world and here they are to deliver the least stirring rendition of "Up all night to get lucky" since the Russian police force bellowed the only six English words they knew at the Olympics. Let's cut to our host Michael Cole I mean Ryan Seacrest. Awkward as ever, he entices the crowd into cheering at random things that don't deserve cheers. Now a piece of some guy I've never heard that is apparently responsible for torturing me with Le Freak for all these years. We have now been informed of what we all already knew, disco was not dead, just sleeping, and it still sucks. We are now graced by the presence of the Rainbow Warrior Jeff Gordon himself while he struggles under the weight of the American Idol envelope. And now they're going to let him talk. I'm questioning how much of a NASCAR/Idol crossover audience there really is. Now to our singers! The Screamer - Some Jennifer Hudson song that I missed the title of - She says she has to come in "strong" because the bridge is so mellow that the audience would be bored. As a consequence, not only am I bored but I've also been raped in the ear. A loud, bombastic, grating, annoying performance of some terrible poo poo I've never heard and never want to hear from a movie with about as much "soul" as that performance. No rating because I conscientiously object to screamers. Michael Cole announces that Jennifer Hudson and Iggy Azalea will join us in a couple weeks. People cheer. I groan. Macaulay Culkin - Lost Stars from Michael Finnegan - How is this kid still here? Shouldn't he be at home banging any girl from his small town high school he wants after squeaking out terrible self-written "songs"? I can't understand a word he's saying. Taylor Hanson squeaked through his voice change better. Get him off my TV. 0/10 Keith gives him a ten out of ten for discovering he doesn't have a falsetto and all the girls in the audience are VERY EXCITED! Fantastically Boring Fedora - This guy's movie is about saving the world from bad music. Then he got onstage and performed what once was a BeeGees song in the supposed style of Prince. The universe has collapsed under the weight of the cognitive dissonance required to make that statement and then do whatever the gently caress that was. -42/10 Funny Haired Fonz - Danger Zone - Tells us he wants to be more exciting. He hopes to accomplish this by turning a Kenny Loggins song into a Daughtry cover. It goes about as well as one could expect. 3/10; could go as high as 5/10 but I'm still penalizing for loving up In Your Eyes. At this point I feel coerced to point out that J.Lo is about one sneeze away from an extreme wardrobe malfunction. Meanwhile, Ryan Seacrest gives ice cream to his parents. Kristen Schaal's Daughter - Mad World - Her movie appears to be Mr. Roboto but with aliens. This will probably be the song she dies on, not because she necessarily did anything wrong. I think she put on one of the most emotional performances of the season into it, but her voters want quirk and there isn't really any quirk here. I wouldn't say she knocked it out of the park, but she held her own. 7/10 Harry Connick Jr., the everloving drunk, is putting his used shirt and panties on EBay for New Orleans. Then he calls out J.Lo for flashing her boobs everywhere. Sonic the Hedgehog - Circle of Life - Disney karaoke at it's finest I suppose. I like her, but she just whiffed this so badly. Good thing it's ending soo-OH WHAT THE gently caress DON'T END IT THAT WAY YOU HURT MY EAR 2/10 The Artist That Gave Us Taco Flavored Kisses - Some Crap - Her dress is longer than the song, and we can all thank our preferred deity for that. It's also a green screen because advertising. The Anti-Hendrix - You're The One That I Want - In a quest to bring New Orleans its music back, he apparently finds he must kill music to resurrect it, thus bringing us this awful mashup between Grease and Michael Bolton. Everyone with ears is simultaneously bored and offended. Fortunately for Fox, the producers made certain the entirety of the audience was completely deaf. -2 bajillion/10 Carrie Underwood's Bowel Movement - Let's Hear It For The Boy - I am unable to review this performance because the combination of terrible crap plus the ever twirling camera has dizzied me into severe nauseousness. She seems to manage to not gently caress up while doing absolutely nothing. Just like every week. 3/10 Harry Connick Jr. is dropping so many truth bombs the arena looks like Dresden. Kenny Loggins Has Not Died Yet - Footloose - Seriously, I thought you were loving dead. Why in the living gently caress are you here? Someone perform a loving exorcism before we're all dragged down to surf-rock hell. (I like Kenny Loggins) Letterman Jacket Mannequin - Sunday Morning - lol This guy watched Cheaper By The Dozen 2. This is actually a drat good performance. This season is now just a countdown until they pronounce him the winner and give him all the songs Phillip Phillips doesn't want to do. 8/10 Tim Burton's New Wife - I Wanna Grow Old With You - I want to hate this. I'm dying to hate this. I hate zombie films, I hate fake quirk, I hate that she might take Joey's spot. But I can't hate this. Eons better than last week. 8/10 Classic Rock Lil Wayne - Come Together - Should we have wasted a save on the guy who's just having fun up there? Eh, who the gently caress else are we going to save? I know they wouldn't give it to Joey anyway. 6/10 just for the mic drop. Oh yeah, and the best performance of the night came from a dead guy. See you all next week!
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Mar 22, 2015 22:13
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Needs More Ditka posted:I'm questioning how much of a NASCAR/Idol crossover audience there really is.
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Mar 22, 2015 22:57
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Schach posted:I also still watch all these shows for some reason that eludes me. I feel like maybe I am insane because I really don't remember last season of Idol (or any singshow ever) having so many objectively atrocious performances. In SHUPS I trust. Just stop watching after the auditions and read his reviews. Then if he rates anything a 7 or over, YouTube it. This is what I started doing like, 4 seasons ago. SHUPS, I feel like I should send you a bottle of whiskey or something for always taking one for the team so I don't have to watch. Also, I liked Hound Dog. Maybe it was less the song and more that I liked how the two played off each other. It really didn't require a 60 minute decision though. I also really liked the performance between Blake's old opening act and the quirky guy.
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Mar 25, 2015 17:50
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Show opens with three disasters in a row. Hasslehoff, Man George and then The Seev: Seems to have an awful frog in his throat. This competition must be killing his puberty-infested larynx. He has my sympathy, but not my votes. But I do dig whoever styled him up as Debbie Gibson. Thankfully it ends before any of his babyteeth fall out onstage. Quentin: Gets a song right in his lane. Could get through on the strength of the pain in his face on that drum breakdown. Lets see. Looks straight out of "Return to Oz". That shawl collar probably needs a license in most states. Q goes with an o-face for the drum bit. Poorly chosen, Q. And the vocal is balls too. JoJo: Goes for kitsch when she should be channeling Kyary Kyary Pamuru hard. Idol could not cope with full on pinkface. Missed opportunity with the arrangement (thanks for that last week Harry) as well. Joey's worst outing to date. Tyana: Seems to have picked herself up from last week. Amazing that Tyana never got to be a part of the late 90's, let alone being able to relate to any section of the 80's. Well, she didn't die out there, so, best of the show so far. Its high-bar limbo night on Idol. Jax, who should be going by Yaxoo this week and covering some hard UK speech-pop. But gets butt-rock instead. Which is maybe apropos because this song is a bummer. Not good, very female Meatloaf in cadence. Featloaf. Ol' Saint Nick: Must have hid from the stylist in a closet to avoid getting slathered the hard 80's paintbrush. Or because Nick was very much there he had his own pieces flown in from the family attic. Nick continues to impress via doing the same performance each week. Clearly a man who has read from the book of Phillip son of Phillip. Oh poo poo Salt n' Pepa. Still very much would. Even with Salt's religious hysteria. gently caress you, yes it did need to be said. What no Spin? Sad, but still enough to set me adrift on memory bliss of banjy. Clark: Shame about the song choice. Clark should be dropping a Broken Wings on this stage. Or even a Kyrie. Clark seems to be struggling with the pace a touch in the downhill. Probably through though, and easily. Quassim: Poor vocal. In-place choreography is giving me too much time with Quassim's gums. Wasted opportunity in choosing to deliver a plain version of a cheesy-to-begin-with rather mundane song. Maddie Who? But it sucks that Adana Duru was cut. She deserved at least another week out there for some exposure, especially since, according to MJ's big blog, there is no tour to make some good money off of anymore. Rayvon: Cant get his performance to load. Someone just tell me if he wore a hat or not. Its the only thing that matters about Rayvon at this point. Now if you'll excuse me I have 'Salt sweeps shadow puppet of a off his feet' eroti-fanfiction to write. edit: Ugh, found a copy of Rayvon. That was awful, both Rayvon and his unsurprising hat. Go the hell home Rayvon. shadow puppet of a fucked around with this message at 03:27 on Mar 26, 2015 |
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Mar 26, 2015 03:19
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The show is at the stage now where the judges scorn at less appealing contestants to make room for their chosen ones, and Joey doesn't give a gently caress, which is great. In the context of the shithole which is this show, that, in my humble opinion, was the performance of the season.
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Mar 26, 2015 07:13
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I loathe Joey Cook in a way that defies language.
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Mar 26, 2015 08:33
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everything about Joey's looks, vocals and gesturing is completely manufactured but what makes her especially terrible is that she has no idea how to channel any of it into the songs that she's doing *sings happy tune* * ... deathstare / grabs hair intensely*
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Mar 26, 2015 08:41
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Homestar Runner posted:*sings happy tune* Hahaha oh my God this nails it. Also I'm distracted by how jacked up her teeth are, not gonna lie. I don't even think she's cute, which is pretty key for Adorkable Hipster Waifu, no?
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Mar 26, 2015 09:08
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Just embrace everything you hate about her and its quite likeable. She's a Molly Shannon character born to a generation that has no sense of shame to understand Molly Shannon characters.
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Mar 26, 2015 09:19
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Soooo here's the thing. I had my usual recap all done and presentable and snarky and whatever and then just as I was going to post it I previewed to check for little errors as usual and my computer did a forced restart. I went to bed angry as hell and I feel no better now in the cold light of day/noonish. I use Notepad so no draft was saved and I'm not going to attempt to rewrite or rewatch but I will do my best to summarize the pages I wrote. - Everyone was drunk (except Boy George) including Seacrest for the first time I can remember. Harry in particular was a shitshow but he was also honest as gently caress and it sort of owned - Oh yeah and Hasselhoff was incredibly shitfaced and I felt gross watching him do that medley - Boy George sang better in the group number than all of the Idols combined - Fittingly, everyone sucked - Clark sucked the least (I want to say he got a 6.25 but that was likely overrated due to everyone else being garbage) - Tyanna was the worst on the technical level - Joey was the worst on the pure embarrassment level and not just because of her outfit and performance (specifically her song was pitched down like 8 steps and I had the epiphany that she has a 3-note range but is getting so many votes that the producers are going to cater to that limitation forever) - Seriously if you isolated her vocals from all of her performances you will probably hear all of the same notes and syllables, just different lyrics - I hate Old Nick completely now - Jax's performance was obviously designed to give her an Idol Moment but the lyrical arrangement was so garbled that it didn't work even though she sang alright - Jax and Joey need to arm wrestle over who gets to mispronounce words and who has to pack it in because the two of them are getting tiresome - Daniel continued to flounder because he is an infant - Qaasim still can't sing despite toning down the performance aspect - Quentin continues to look like a star but sound like an amateur - Rayvon got much better than he deserved - The show ran way overlong so we didn't get go-home performances which is a drat shame (in the case of Adanna, who... what?!) and a blessing (gently caress off Maddie) - So to recap, the first three eliminations of the top 12 have all been women, two of them black and one of them terrible - I no longer have a horse in this race as Adanna and Sarina-Joi were the two most talented singers and I refuse to root for Clark - Seriously? Adanna eliminated with zero fanfare? No one in the camera eye is shocked or disappointed? This season is so bad, y'all. These shows being two hours is seriously starting to ruin my night every week. I honestly don't know if I have it in me anymore. Just kidding, see you next week for a more complete recap (hopefully) as we see who can gently caress up the most next! e: Forgot about Salt n Pepa out of nowhere. What the gently caress even was that, pure wish fulfillment for SPOA?
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Mar 26, 2015 17:58
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k I'm in Australia so I'm just catching up on this week's performances Seev: Yo I still can't understand a word that this kid sings, I dunno what his deal is but he has all of the natural performance charisma of a deer in headlights that is also being shot at for target practice, tbh he has zero pitch control between notes too and pronounces everything with his nose. This song is dated as all hell btw. Judges say a bunch of overly polite cliche nonsense, thanks for nada Seev you colossal jerk Quentin: This dude has no tone. Like, his voice is just jacked up ... it's like spooky-weird and not in some kinda quirky interesting way but in a flat out bad way. Also he is really lazy with his phrasing so the end of every note pretty much dissipates in an out-of-key mess. go away Quentin Joey: I can already tell this is gonna be awful. Wtf is she even talking about in this preview clip. oh man she's already clicking her fingers like some kinda sentient ventriloquist dummy in front of Boy George. This song does not suit her voice, like, at all. Yeah actually I'm just realising that this chick basically can't sing and masks it with ridiculous gesturing. Harry Connick Jr visibly hates it and looks like he's pondering life as an Idol judge and trying to pinpoint in his mind precisely where his career went so very, very wrong as to end up on this show. Tyana: This might have promise if she could sing a single note in key. Her pitch is absolutely all over the map. I mean goddamn. oh and even though I feel like this song has been done a zillion times on this show, it's still the kind of tune that you can command the stage with. Like pretty much everyone else this season, though, she just flounders around and tries to "interact" with the audience and makes nothing of it whatsoever. Jax: I have a little more faith in Jax than others ITT -- she's not all-world talent or anything but at least she has some idea of how to engage with the song she's performing and attempts to throw in some dynamics and vocal riffs. This wasn't perfect by any means but again there's a conscious effort to inject some life and personality into the track which is so, soooo much more than I can say for anyone else in this stupid competition right now. Nick: hmmm yes it's always a terrific idea to do a Michael Jackson song about 14 semitones lower than the original. hoo boy this is gonna be bad, isn't it? yup, this is like ... Matchbox 20 guy doing MJ buttrock-style and it's frickin terrible. The idea that Harry Connick Jr, with all of his musical know-how and experience, could call this a "great vocal" just illustrates how disingenuous the judges' responses are this season. He knows that was real bad. He HAS to. -- Salt 'n' Pepa still own even though I get the impression that they might be a bit out of practice as far as performing live goes. They're both lookin great too. Ah, memories -- Clark: can't wait for this dude to shoehorn in a bunch of high notes that he can't actually sing properly randomly into the song somewhere! lol Boy George actually tells him to drop the key and he loving ignores it. jesus christ. He's off to a good start though, here come the high notes in the bridge annnnnnd .... surprise surprise he's not even kinda close! btw dude that is a real creeper song and I think he was trying to put it over as romantic or something lol. Judges are kinda forced to lap it up though since it displayed a semblance of musicality that 98% of this cast doesn't have. Qaasim: ok here is another example of a dude who probably shouldn't ever attempt a high note of any kind. I mean what the hell was that nonsense. props for toning down the D-grade Prince gimmick at least. the other contestants are really like-y'know-whatever about this performance though and so am I. Rayvon: lmao the charisma-vacuum that is Rayvon somehow escapes the boot. Who the frick is voting for this fedora-toting jabroni? On the plus side, this means Maddie and her country-karaoke shtick are going home  Feel a bit bad for Adanna though, she's ten times the singer this jackass could ever dream of being. performance starts -- holy hell this is terrible. this dude is a vocal coach? lol just lol. he's out of breath on every goddamn note. That was some bad, dated-rear end bullshit Rayvon. Don't quit your day job ... oh, wait. yeeeeah, that was bad. Kinda ticked that Sarina-Joi got booted so early on the basis of having "pitch issues" -- which incidentally almost everyone in this competition has in a very, very bad way -- particularly given that she showed actual flashes of potential and a natural flair for performance moreso than just about anyone remaining has. TL;DR this show is bad
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Mar 27, 2015 12:43
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Homestar Runner posted:k I'm in Australia so I'm just catching up on this week's performances Homestar Runner posted:Quentin: This dude has no tone. Like, his voice is just jacked up ... it's like spooky-weird and not in some kinda quirky interesting way but in a flat out bad way. Also he is really lazy with his phrasing so the end of every note pretty much dissipates in an out-of-key mess. go away Quentin Homestar Runner posted:Clark: [..] btw dude that is a real creeper song and I think he was trying to put it over as romantic or something lol. Homestar Runner posted:TL;DR this show is bad I am thisclose to feeling bad for Scott Borchetta, but it's also becoming clearer and clearer that the winner of this season is going to get Tate Stevens'd at best, Melanie Amaro'd at worst. The ratings took a huge nosedive this week to the point that the show was 3rd place in its timeslot. I know I played it off but this episode was so bad that I am honestly pretty close to done with Idol (for this season anyway). What a disaster.
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Mar 27, 2015 20:39
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Bad news in the lusty meatmarket that Idol has become: Joey cook, who I had no idea was 23, seriously thought she was 15, got engaged today because her fiance wanted to cash in at the right time for maximum notes and reblogs.  The couple has requested you smash the patriarchy in lieu of sending flowers.
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Mar 27, 2015 20:49
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Joey Cook will win and kill American Idol for good
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Mar 27, 2015 21:55
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The Final Whatever drat Number We're At Where's the Liquor Something something NASCAR. Something something sleeping in a hotel room hallway. Something something space dress. Something something hair. Here's our empty suit to introduce the show! He reminds me we're still at 11. Will this hell end? NEVER! David "The Hoff" Hasselhoff just happened to wander into the arena just long enough to strip down and show us he's still carrying SpongeBob on his back. The Hoff sings us an 80s medley in which he butchers Queen, Bowie, and Rickrolls us. Boy George is here and has morphed into some amalgamation of Rob Halford and Ricky Gervais. There's a group performance of Karma Chameleon. The judges love it and the crowd finds out they don't actually know any Culture Club songs. Joey thinks she's wearing a bow in her hair but it's actually bunny ears. It is at this point I realize that despite all hope and logic that that loving nameless Lenny Kravitz impersonator is still here. This is going to suck, a lot. So here we go! BiCurious Biebsey -You Make My Dreams Come True- He ever so sensuously grabs that 80s light up button game and then Boy George and Taylor Swift's Fat Guy tell us he has chops. I'm left to wonder how the hell this kid knows a Hall and Oates song. But I do have to give him the credit for having the time of his life up there. He can't sing worth a drat but at least he stopped trying to sing and performed instead. Good for him. (4/10) Stop! Boringtime!- In The Air Tonight - 8" floppies are indeed very mesmerizing. Boy George loves turbans. Oh and now we're going to gently caress up Phil Collins. I'm not even going to continue because people need to stop touching things even vaguely related to Genesis. Here's a video of a much better performance of this song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Utknl3WYbPE (get off my tv/10) Bouncing Betty Boop - Girls Just Wanna Have Fun - Today she is "Madonna in Space," which I was relatively certain was Cyndi Lauper. She's flipping out at meeting Boy George, probably because that's where she got all her hats. I typed the Cyndi Lauper joke in there before I knew she was doing a Cyndi Lauper song, but I'm just going to leave it in there. Oddly enough, the arrangement is relatively faithful to the original. She bounces a lot. Then sings something. Yeah even I'll admit in wasn't very good, and I'm the biggest Joey mark here. Better luck next week because Lenny Kravitz had better loving get voted off. (3/10) Michelle Jackson - I'm Gonna Dance With Somebody - Customary Rubik's Cube placement. It wasn't her best performance, nor her worst performance, and it's the best I've seen so far this episode. Of course, watching praying mantuses mate and then eat each other would be more entertaining. (6/10) Harry Connick Jr. needs reassurance to be a confident audience member. After doing this for two seasons, I can't blame him. Awkward Lauper - You Give Love a Bad Name - Keith Urban thought she might kill it. He was right. (2/10) Also, her performance somehow got Patti Smith's Because the Night stuck in my head. Greaso Birbiglio - Man In The Mirror - His hair makes it obvious he's never actually looked in one. This song doesn't actually get any whiter. (0 ch'mons/10) Salt N Peppa - Push It - I'M PUSHING IT! I'M PUSHING IT REAL GOOD! (push/it) Fratius Maximus - Every Breath You Take - "Like Battleship. But for girls." I hate this song and I want to hate this guy, but I can't. It's the best performance of the night. Again. This season is his and I don't know why anyone else is even trying. (8/10) GoodBurger's Very Own... Ed! - Addicted to Love - Seems like an appropriate for Qassim song. J.Lo wants him to show his incredible heart tonight, but I'm not entirely certain how to do that with this song. It's not exactly an intervention on someone with a sex addiction. Unfortunately not the best Qassim performance, which is a shame because I thought he'd knock it out of the park. Enough people told him to stop performing that he finally did and... well... (5/10) The Bland Hatter - Everybody Wants to Rule the World - He has to look up Alf. This song sucks. He sucks. Everything sucks. (-10/10) Not even one loving Kyrie. Lame. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7_TfzJ_ko8o homestar runner posted:Harry Connick Jr visibly hates it and looks like he's pondering life as an Idol judge and trying to pinpoint in his mind precisely where his career went so very, very wrong as to end up on this show. I believe that would be when the aliens shot him down in Independence Day.
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Mar 28, 2015 03:37
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I'm extremely shocked Blake did the right thing and kept Brooke.
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Mar 31, 2015 14:04
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